Accepting every day, every situation, as it comes; and committing to make the best of it, for all beings.
What is acceptance?
“Being Accepting” is about accepting similarities and diversities in opinions, feelings, values, views. Acceptance is facilitated by understanding that there is strength in diversity: one should we stick to only one colour, when we can enjoy the whole rainbow?
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself; self-respect” (Webster). In Western psychology, it was often postulated that one needs to develop self-esteem in order to properly relate with the world. But there are not many evidences to support this theory. Understanding the value and values of all beings is certainly necessary to interact with the word; however, giving to one own esteem a kind of priority on the rest, it is not an evidence-based approach. Focusing on self-esteem may result in the vicious circle: self-esteem, self, self-interest, greed, feeling disconnected from other people, need to reinforce self-esteem, etc.
Nurturing acceptance, or self-esteem?
Steven Hayes, with his Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), has been creating awareness about the importance of nurturing acceptance. And then, to commit to keep the valuable approaches, and make the necessary changes.
Albert Ellis, with his work including the book “The myth of self-esteem”, stated that self-esteem is conditional, while acceptance is unconditional. Such conditionality of self-esteem makes us vulnerable and harder to cultivate empathy. For these reasons, he suggested to cultivate acceptance. And also to rate our behaviours and traits, to rate our aliveness, choosing to live healthfully and peacefully. He suggested not to rate our overall “worth”, because people who assign negative values to it create a self-fulfilling prophecy of poor results. If one really wants to rate overall worth, he suggested to rate all beings positively, because we are all on the same boat, and all worthy.
He also invited people to know the difference between needing, and wanting what we really need is limited, what we want unlimited. If we let the craving grow, soon there will be little space for empathy and happiness.
Exercises to cultivate acceptance
Think about something you want to let go. Put it in a bubble. The bubble starts to fly away, until it disappears in the sky.