W1B-004 Thailand letters 2-1.txt
Yo there Lynnie!! How the fuck are ya girl!?! Well I got your letter - 'tis great!! And I 've been speaking to Eileen who gave me your message that the job starts on May 1st! EEEK!!!

Well, when I got the letter I was jumping about all set to go - but since then I 've been in an utter muddle...and I still am. And because I 'm in an utter muddle, I still haven't got it together to send my CV!!! EEEK. Promise I 'll do it this week. I have to write one first!!

Basically, I 'm in a muddle because I can't decide to go or not. The reason for this is I really want to do the good tefl in July. It's expensive but I could go to Holland for May June to make some cash, keep paying rent on me room so I 'd have it to come back to in July so I 'd be in my own settled wee pad to study like fuck for 5 weeks. I know this job doesn't entail doing a tefl - but I guess that's the problem. It all sounds great - especially being there with you - but I don't know where this job will get me. My plan since I came home was to get a good decent qualification go and teach for a year hopefully then like you, Ester, Ron, Sally-Anne so many of my friends I would finally know what the fuck I was doing. I 've been feeling FREEKED about myself, my life, my career for 2 years now - basically since I graduated. Maybe I am too young to get so freeked about it, but believe me when yer in my situation looking at all your friends, its like "Oh my God - where did I go wrong?" The one thing I 've had playing in my mind that's been constant through all my other ideas is Tefl. I don't know if I 'll enjoy or even if I can do, but I think hope I will can.

And this job isn't teaching. And that's the main reason why I 've reservations. I guess I just don't know enough about what the actual job entails. It sounds easy enough, the money is <(> fan-fucking-tastic
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(I 've never had money so U you can imagine the temptation the job is to me) but my main fear is going over, finding myself in a job that sounds more like a glorified librarian than a teacher sitting for a year still thinking "where am I going" "what am I doing" etc. If it was teaching in that school I 'd be over like a shot, but I 'm so scared of feeling I 'm not progressing in what I want to do - or think I want to do.

I mean, if I went out to Khorat could teach for a year, I could come home with you and we could both live together do the masters at Coleraine OR I could do a PGCE in primary school teaching which would leave me able to have a skill and I could sub my way through my masters in 'Anthropology Film' in Manchester which I rather fancy in a couple of years.

Do you know what I mean?? I 'm gonna try to do the cheap, shitty tefl in case I come out in April to do the job if I get it - leave no doors closed eh? I wish I could have a seriously long chat with you as I need to know more about the job what it could lead to.

Annieway, I hope you know despite all this I 'm still considering it seriously - in fact I haven't stopped thinking about it for 2 seconds since you phoned - need some advice - QUICKLY!!

I just don't know what's the best thing to do. I mean if I stay do the good RSA tefl in July, I would still come to Khorat in August for a year - no probs - if I could get a job. You would know better than me what the chances of that are. If maybe you could put my CV in a few places saying I have the RSA tefl AND all the rest of the stuff (I.V.S etc) I would be available from mid August or whatever, something might turn up. I 'm gonna try to phone U tomorrow - but yer probably still away.

What do you think?? What's the chances of me getting a job that good in August instead of May? Could you put my CV about? Do you know more about the job? Could I get experience teaching? What do you mean by "developing materials?" How long is it for? Do U think it could lead to other things ie good tefl jobs? What should I do? EEK - I need to make up my mind really really soon.

Sorry this letter is such a big serious rant, but I really want to be sure I make the right decision. I need the address of the school. Will I fax my CV to your work? Are the Thais really OK in Khorat? My nasty little experiences with Thai men still play in my mind. I try not to let it effect my thoughts of going. - All that shit was on the islands - which as U say is another world. Ester will be home soon so I can talk to her. Fuck, what a fuckin' amazin' opportunity I can't think of anyone I 'd rather be in Thailand hopefully travel with than you yet I 'm hesitating? WHY? Maybe I 've just got settled in a Belfast rut am too scared OR maybe I really need to do that tefl for myself my own confidence. Can I do an RSA tefl anywhere in Khorat? Maybe that would be the answer. I know it's possible to do it in Bangkok BUT time off work where would I live etc.

OOh er missus - what a tizzy I 'm in!!!!

I mean to say - what am I so scared off? What am I fucking like? Annieway me lovely, sorry again this letter is so crappy - if you can PLEASE give me a phone. I need your advice. What would U do?? I 'll get the CV over soon. Maybe I should just wise up, take the bull by the horns get me arse over 4 some fun frolicks. The job I 've been in for 9 months has done my head in, my confidence self-esteem as far as "work" goes has been seriously knocked. It's been O.K. though cause I 've loved living in this house I 've lots of good friends here etc so all has not been lost. I 'm scared of feeling that crap in a job again - especially in a foreign country. Where have my balls gone? I promise I 'll be out in August if I can get a job if I don't come next month. EEK!!
Annieway, I hope you had a total ball in Vietnam if I come over (no - WHEN) U have to go diving again with me! And we have to get a motorbike!!! I hear Eileen maybe Fred as well will be out in the summer - EXCELLENT!! Any skank yet? I split up with Jimmy for good last Saturday - fuck him - he's frigid and has made me feel unsexy for a long time - so it's back on the single's
<!--}/ market 4 for me - probably just as well really - I don't need that shit!! I just keep telling myself I 'm a sexy bitch he's an immature frigid shit. I may as well. I 'll be damned if I let him make me feel shitty about myself. Men!! I really give up. Janets very happy with her woman!! Maybe she's got the right feckin' idea eh what!
Well, I 'll love ya leave ya - please please contact me soon with all the you can. I 'll hopefully see U in April if not in August!!

Lots lots of sex, drugs <(-->
fanfeckintastic
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vibes, wwwhiskey, stout, gin spicyness, Paulette XOXOXOX
