Sexuality and Culture: confronting bias

Udeni Appuhamilage

As we are walking, I try to talk about something else, something completely irrelevant. I remember asking him, "So, how long have you been here in the USA?" and "God! It is really cold out here!" There I was, seated inside Admiral Club, watching young girls removing the only piece of clothing they had on their body, which hardly covered their 'private' body parts. They walked around freely, offering lap dances to all sorts of strange men. Their slow, and seductive movements and the men standing at the foot of the stage with their faces turned upward and mouths open with dollar bills in their hands, reminded me of snake charmers; the dancing snakes and the drunken men standing in a circle throwing raw eggs at the snake.

As a requirement for the completion of one course module for my MA, I had to do a final project on confronting my own biases. 'What is it that really makes me feel uncomfortable? Something I am ignorant about and actually fear?' The self-questioning process continued until I finally got the answer: sexuality.

In Sri Lanka where the culture is primarily based on Buddhist values, sexuality is treated with curiosity, but remains a taboo topic. In 1992 the formal education system started incorporating human sexuality into the school curriculum. However, human sexuality is taught at a premature level, mainly due to teachers' reluctance to talk about sex in front of a group of teenagers (Coomaraswami 2004). Women's sexuality is very much a private matter. In a critique of the book "Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue," Herald writes how socio-cultural factors produce different sexual beliefs and practices (as cited in Blackwood 2000). According to Herald, sexual practices take their meaning from culture-based beliefs on sexuality, self and the world; she specially emphasizes the influence of different gender beliefs of a culture in constructing sexual beliefs and practices for men and women (2000).

In Sri Lanka, when a girl attains puberty, her mother and her father's eldest sister takes her into a room to teach her about her sexuality, the body, and especially how to protect it. The girl is confined in a room and hidden from all the men in her family and neighborhood until a special auspicious time comes for her to have an herbal bath and follow the cultural rituals symbolizing her entry into a new phase of life. The period of 'custody' can be a day, a week, or even few weeks and until the auspicious day dawns she has to remain inside, hidden from the masculine world. This is intended to let the whole community (e.g., the school, parents' work places, the postman, the doctor, the religious leaders, etc.) know about a girl's coming of age, in an effort to make sure that at the end of the ritual the whole community will accept and respect the girl as a grown up woman. It is also a symbolical message that the girl is now 'available' for marriage, and if a boy likes her it is time for him to approach the girl's family. The last step of the ritual is for the girl to give away her belongings and in turn she is presented with new things symbolizing the gaining of a new life. It is almost like one's first birth. However, unlike the infant, the girl is given the message that the whole meaning of this new life is primarily based on her sexuality.

Although most of these practices are based on the value given to women's fertility, the impact they have on the girl is quite specific. The ritual is complex in its meaning and inculcates feelings of fear, shame, pride and respect for women's sexuality. The urge to hide and protect women's 'virginity' is derived from these multiple meanings attached to sexuality. This internalization of the values and belief system is fostered strongly by adult authority figures. I still remember how my father's eldest sister stayed the whole twentyfour hours with me in the room when I was going through the rituals of puberty, so as to make sure that I would not break the rules. When she had to go out, she would leave a metal bar, assuring me that it will protect me against the spirits of loneliness.

In Sri Lanka women's sexuality is not limited to her breasts and vagina. The hip, lap, waist, neck, fingers, and even the voice of a woman have sexual meanings, and there are sixtyfour culturally accepted ways of expressing femininity to a man. The concept of Kama (sex, or lust) has been widely studied and developed as a culture and value-based philosophy; it means much more than mere intercourse. At the same time, this philosophy controls women's sexuality and sexual freedom. The best example is women's dress. Traditional attire is made in a way so that a woman's whole body except the feet, the arms below the elbow, and her face, are covered. Nonconformity to these accepted social values and exposure of body parts except those allowed by the social value system is subject to severe social disapproval. Nudity even in a movie is an outright sin. Although in Western culture, people freely touch the bodies of men and women (e.g., hand shaking, hugging), in Sri Lanka personal space is maintained and respected. The conventional greeting methods never require any type of touching and cross-sex touching is almost prohibited. Western practices of dating, romantic affairs before marriage and pre-marital sex are still considered alien in a culture where marriage is still generally arranged by the parents.

It is true that all these values are changing as a result of Western influences and today's young generation do form romantic relationships before marriage. However, the relationships are expected to end in marriage, and the 'trial and error' experiments of dating are not accepted. At the same time, Western influence is primarily limited to urban sectors, and usually the Colombo elites. For girls coming from rural, middle- or lower classes, sex is very serious and almost has a sacred meaning. They find it difficult to accept women who 'play with it', sell it, or devalue it.

Given my Sri Lankan upbringing, exploring sexuality in the USA was a challenge. As I went through the internet, searching for strip clubs to visit, I could not resist the feelings of disgust and disapproval I felt. The Admiral Club is one of the most famous night clubs in the Chicago area. This fact may have played a role in my decision making process, at least on the unconscious level. I seemed to have corelated safety with being amongst a large group of people; that a person's behavior will be controlled by the pressure of a social setting and thus no one will make any threatening advances towards me. Although the initial intention was to visit a women's strip club, I ended up visiting a male strip club also. It was interesting to examine the motives behind the extension of the initial plan. Reflecting back, it seems that the second plan involved 'foot-on-the-door' technique, where I felt more comfortable and ready to look for more challenges after the first attempt at confronting my biases.

Most of the strippers that I saw must have been in their twenties, or early thirties. Although the bodily movements were rhythmic and seductive, almost all the strippers had deadpan faces. I could not see any emotion or feeling attached to their performances, which were almost mechanical. I felt that the emotionless nature of the whole dancing process was more of an indication of isolation and compartmentalization. After hundreds of years of civilization, nudity, I believe, is still not a common practice no matter how conventional or non-conventional a culture is. It can be a very difficult task for a woman (or a man) to be naked in front of a group of people. Thus, one way the strippers deal with the anxiety can be isolation, where they separate and isolate the affect attached with the behavior. In result, the external behavior may become quite mechanical.

The preparation part of the second trip (to the male strippers' show) did not involve intense anxiety. I found the website by myself, and phone calls were also quite easy and were largely free of anxiety. Compared to my visit to the female strippers' club, the male stripper experience was quite different. While the female nudity provoked feelings of guilt and shame in me, the male nudity provoked strong feelings of repulsion. It was not only their nudity. Rather the movements and the glistening male bodies looked quite disgusting. At some point I simply could not take it any more and just rushed out. I felt quite bad and lost. It was quite interesting to see how I did not get the same empathetic feelings that I experienced towards the female strippers (e.g., they do it for money, they are not prostituting, etc.) for the male strippers. It seems that the feelings helped me avoid any threats to my own set of beliefs about femininity. At the same time, the different feelings I experienced with regard to male strippers seemed to have helped me avoid any threats to my own set of beliefs about masculinity. Quite simply, I had reacted to the two experiences in ways that confirmed my beliefs related to the two settings; self-fulfilling prophecy. Another factor was the halo effect, where my general impression of the male stripper had affected my perception of him, and future inferences.

Culture, as we talk about it, is a concept that pervades into each and every domain and aspect of our lives. Its impact is often subtle yet, very powerful. The subjective experiences of feelings, beliefs, and understandings about the world around us is shaped and molded by the culture in which we live. Confronting these deep rooted believes and ideas about what is right and wrong, and good and bad is one of the most powerful and primary steps of self growth and development.

Blackwood, E. (Summer 2000). Culture and women's sexualities. Journal of Social Issues. Retrieved November 10, 2004, from www.findarticles.com/p/articles/ mi_m0341/is_2_56/ai_66419863

Coomaraswami, R. (2004) Fact Sheet No.23, Harmful Traditional Practices Affecting the Health of Women and Children. Convention on the elimination of all forms of discrimination against women (art. 5 (a)), (1979) Office of the high commissioner for human rights, Sri Lanka. Retrieved November 10, 2004, from www.unhchr.ch/html/menu6/2/fs23.htm
