How to Handle Teenagers

BY: THILANGANI JAYAWARDENA

Academy of Child Development and Child Psychology

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In ones journey of life he/she inevitably sails through different stages or milestones that demands certain changes in each character and persona. Some physical changes are evident whilst changes that take place in the mind and brain can only be detected through a variety of behavioural patterns. Teenage encompasses a fussilade of changes in the mind and body of any individual. It is these very changes that directly contribute towards making teenagers highly aggressive, impulsive, emotional all at the same time. The environment in which the child lives also plays a predominant role in this regard. We are in this juncture forced to agree with what was once pointed out by Bertram Russell, ";the sole responsibility of the well being of children lie in the hands of parents and teachers."

In the event of understanding a teenager, both these parties (parents and teachers) must not forget their own teenage. As a matter of fact sharing their own experiences with the teenager would help fostering better bonding between the two parties. Busy schedule of work on the part of caregivers, enables teenage alienation and isolation. Teenagers react to this with a surge of self-withdrawal (commonly used psychological term - apathy.) As adults we must build belonging in teenagers by reminding them that they are loved. It is of pivotal importance to shower them with 'unconditional love' as most of our parents and teachers love them conditionally.

Adolescence is also a time when two neurochemicals decrease in the brain. Serotonin is a natural antidepressant and it decreases for a time during adolescence. Dopamine is associated with motivation and attention and it also declines for a while during adolescence. This means that teenagers are often grumpy and less focused. Only those adults who have some understanding of this would be able to deal with the teenagers productively. If children of this age group are naturally inclined to a certain degree of depression, mishandling their emotions could augment their level of depression and this clearly explains why we should forgive and sympathize with our children rather than intimidating or reprimanding them for the mistakes committed with or without their knowledge.

Development of character is at its peak during adolescence. We hear a lot about the different personality and learning styles of young people these days. It is during this period of life that many elements of character are laid down. It is when you are a teenager that you start a lifetime voyage of working out who you are. These aren't vague ideas, values or concepts, but rather the guiding principles of how young people will live their lives.

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Curiosity and love of learning can be cited as major cravings of teenagers. We need to be in the business of sparking minds and igniting passions in young people. Adolescents are ready to solve the big questions of life. We need to be discussing and debating big philosophical and social issues with them. However, unfortunately our society tends to ostracize them and this type of underestimation could aggravate their frustration. Hence the teenagers must be given the right place in the society. This would make them feel important and indispensable; a notion that makes them psychologically well balanced.
Another aspect of character to be developed is courage. Being prepared to stand up for what's right, even when others disagree with you, is the basis of integrity. It is also a powerful way of involving teenagers in intervening to stop bullying. This would in the long run help them develop self-esteem.

The way in which we interact with the community at large, demonstrating loving kindness must be inculcated in the adolescents. Underpinning this is the concept that the world's main religions agree upon: treat other people as you would like to be treated. By involving teenagers in acts of helping others, schools and parents build in them a sense of compassion and the ability to contribute to a better world. Related to this is the ability to be kind to oneself. In the times of hardship and unhappiness that adolescents almost inevitably face at some stage, it is critical to know how to be kind to themselves. Parents can help their teenagers understand that life is rarely, if ever, completely happy. Learning to persist on the face of adversity and to be kind to one self, as well as seeking out help if needed, are enormously useful skills. When handling teenagers it is vital to keep in mind that theylack in the power of resilience. Having a range of friends is one of the powerful promoters of resilience. A young person doesn't need to be the most sociable, outgoing person on the block, but having a few social options so that if they fall out with one bunch of friends they can hang out with another, is really helpful. Teenagers must be trained to develop their character as leaders and citizens by taking on roles that create positive change in schools, clubs and communities. Wise schools offer a range of leadership experiences in which all students c'lll participate in some way.. Involvirlg adolescents in experiences in which they are required to demonstrate self-control, prudence and humility develops their brain functioning, especially in the limbic system and the frontal lobes. Children who have leadership qualities tend to be very sensitive and relate to others with immense respect and regard. Such teenagers understand reality from that of fantasy and this enables them to live within the parameters of sanity even at a time of stress and turmoil. Adolescence is a time when two major processes are changing the brain to make it a more sophisticated instrument. Understanding these processes can help facilitate a calmer household and a more productive classroom. The first of these processes is synaptic pruning. Synapses are the connections between brain cells, and we build trillions of them during the first nine years of life. Then the human brain does something really weird - it gets rid of most of them. During adolescence, more than half of the synapses vanish. Most of the synapses that are lost during adolescence are in the frontal lobes, where planning, forethought, impulse control and consideration of long term consequences occur. This explains why, when you ask teenagers what they are thinking, they look dumbfounded and say, 'What?' The second main process that changes the brain is myelination. Myelin sheathing "\I\'I'aps itself around the axons and neurons of the brain. This process occurs throughout our lives, but accelerates in adolescence. Myelin sheathing turbochargers thinking, causing the brain to think up to 100 times faster. The adolescent brain can think extraordinary quickly in some areas (consider privacy, embarrassment and arguing with parents), and exceptionally slowly in others(household chores and in many cases, homework completion.} What this all adds up to is that the experiences that we give adolescents in homes and in schools are incredibly important because those experiences shape their brains.
