Marriage & Weddings

Having the perfect wedding and getting married are strangely two different concepts today. The ceremony that signifies the beginning of a marriage is known as a wedding. With commercialization the 'wedding ceremony' takes precedence over the concern to develop a relationship that lasts a lifetime.

It is of no consequence whether the bride is attired in white as a symbol of chastity or red for fertility, weddings in modern day Sri Lanka are communal gatherings. The marriage itself is a coming together of two individuals away from their family of origin to a family of procreation. Marriage is a relationship and bond between a man and a woman that plays a key role in the definition of many families. In addition to being a personal relationship between two people, marriage is one of society's most important and basic institutions. However the 'wedding' itself as a popular practice in Sri Lanka has very little to do with the two people who actually make vows to each other; rather it has more to do with flower arrangements, venues and beauticians.

The Christian form of marriage has vows that read: 'to love and cherish, to honor and obey; in sickness and in health, till death us do part.' Recognizing the importance of the marriage relationship, the Church as an institution conducts premarital classes as a prerequisite to entering Christian marriage. The importance of this is, however, largely overshadowed today with the rise of more attractive commercialized wedding preparations.

Marriage to a large part in the past has been based on a contract based on dowry, bride price and affirming one's status. Marriage is seen by many communities as a means of upward mobility or strengthening existing ties. Parents with eligible children network in order to make the best match. The matchmaker or Kapurala, was an active member of a community, who tried to arrange nuptials in Sri Lanka. The exchange of rings, the tying of the couple's garments together, tying the thali, applying a pottu or tying the fingers of the couple may signify the union. The emphasis of the marriage ceremony has changed with time. The importance of marriage has been overshadowed with the 'wedding'. Prior to the marriage legislation of 1847, in the rural areas of Sri Lanka, traditional marriages did not require a wedding ceremony or legal registration of the union. Today importance is placed on having the perfect wedding.

What then is the perfect wedding?

I would like to focus on two factors: the practices and preparations prior to the ceremony, and the ceremony itself. My account will be limited to the number of weddings I have attended, been a part of, and heard of.

A frenzy of activity characterizes wedding preparations. The choice of attire, accessories, arrangements, venues etc. seems limitless. The selection of the bridal retinue is carefully planned out. While bridesmaids should match the height and complexion of the bride, best men and groomsmen should match that of the groom. As creating the picture perfect wedding is important, selection of the retinues is increasingly based on appearances and not on kin relations as in the past. An array of sweet meats are made for the function, apart from traditional oil cakes and milk rice, modern day weddings have wedding cake, almonds and chocolates. A wedding theme is thought out by a 'wedding organizer' and all wrapping of the sweets are done in accordance to the theme. Beauticians are consulted for advice on hair, make up and attire. Facials and other beauty treatments are scheduled months ahead of the function. Articles of jewelry are ordered and in some cases custom designed. The venue for the occasion is booked, menus selected, and food tasted and approved. Wedding ring designs have also evolved from a simple single band, to more exotic multiple bands, in different metals adorned with gems.
Consequently as the 'happy day' approaches the couple and parents seem to have at least one thing in common: an empty pocket. On the day of the wedding itself various rituals are performed among different religious groups. If an auspicious time is followed, brides begin dressing for the ceremony as early as three in the morning. After the beauticians are done, a team of 'professional photographers' take over. The entire retinue is positioned at various angles as so to make the best pictures. The entire ceremony is filmed. After the conclusion of the religious and official ceremony the reception begins. Band play; special items performed; lamps it; cakes cut; cakes served; champagne served; toast given; first dances danced; and finally dinner. The ceremony ends with dancing and the couple is finally ushered out of the reception hall covered in a mass of confetti. They are regaled with 'congratulations', 'God bless' and 'happy wedded life'.
One can only hope that in the months to come the couple will recover from the frenzy of wedding preparations and focus on their marriage. One also hopes that the same amount of enthusiasm and energy is expended on developing the relationship as was expended on the wedding.
