text:
Bodybuilding developed in the late 19th century, promoted in England by German Eugen Sandow, now considered as the "Father of Bodybuilding". He allowed audiences to enjoy viewing his physique in "muscle display performances". Although audiences were thrilled to see a well-developed physique, the men simply displayed their bodies as part of strength demonstrations or wrestling matches. Sandow had a stage show built around these displays through his manager, Florenz Ziegfeld. The Oscar-winning 1936 musical film The Great Ziegfeld depicts the beginning of modern bodybuilding, when Sandow began to display his body for carnivals.
On January 16, 1904, the first large-scale bodybuilding competition in America took place at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The competition was promoted by Bernarr Macfadden, the father of physical culture and publisher of original bodybuilding magazines such as Health & Strength. The winner was Al Treloar, who was declared "The Most Perfectly Developed Man in the World".[5] Treloar won a $1,000 cash prize, a substantial sum at that time. Two weeks later, Thomas Edison made a film of Treloar's posing routine. Edison had also made two films of Sandow a few years before. Those were the first three motion pictures featuring a bodybuilder. In the early 20th century, Macfadden and Charles Atlas continued to promote bodybuilding across the world. Alois P. Swoboda was an early pioneer in America.
An article by Muscle & Fitness magazine, "Overtrain for Big Gains", claimed that overtraining for a brief period can be beneficial. Overtraining can be used advantageously, as when a bodybuilder is purposely overtrained for a brief period of time to super compensate during a regeneration phase. These are known as "shock micro-cycles" and were a key training technique used by Soviet athletes.[54]
Bodybuilding became more popular in the 1950s and 1960s with the emergence of strength and gymnastics champions, and the simultaneous popularization of bodybuilding magazines, training principles, nutrition for bulking up and cutting down, the use of protein and other food supplements, and the opportunity to enter physique contests. The number of bodybuilding organizations grew, and most notably the International Federation of Bodybuilders (IFBB) was founded in 1946 by Canadian brothers Joe and Ben Weider. Other bodybuilding organizations included the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU), National Amateur Bodybuilding Association (NABBA), and the World Bodybuilding Guild (WBBG). Consequently, the male-dominated contests grew both in number and in size. Besides the many "Mr. XXX" (insert town, city, state, or region) championships, the most prestigious titles[according to whom?] were Mr. America, Mr. World, Mr. Universe, Mr. Galaxy, and ultimately Mr. Olympia, which was started in 1965 by the IFBB and is now considered the most important bodybuilding competition in the world.
This period also saw the rise of anabolic steroids in bodybuilding and many other sports. In bodybuilding lore, this is partly attributed to the rise of "mass monsters", beginning with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sergio Oliva, and Lou Ferrigno in the late 1960s and early 1970s, and continuing through the 1980s with Lee Haney, the 1990s with Dorian Yates, Ronnie Coleman, and Markus Rühl, and up to the present day. Bodybuilders such as Greg Kovacs attained mass and size never seen previously but were not successful at the pro level. Others were renowned for their spectacular development of a particular body part, like Tom Platz or Paul Demayo for their leg muscles. At the time of shooting Pumping Iron, Schwarzenegger (while never admitting to steroid use until long after his retirement) said that "you have to do anything you can to get the advantage in competition".[citation needed] He would later say that he does not regret using anything.[8]
Although muscle stimulation occurs in the gym (or home gym) when lifting weights, muscle growth occurs afterward during rest periods. Without adequate rest and sleep (6 to 8 hours), muscles do not have an opportunity to recover and grow.[citation needed] Additionally, many athletes find that a daytime nap further increases their body's ability to recover from training and build muscles. Some bodybuilders add a massage at the end of each workout to their routine as a method of recovering.[51]
^ Mangano, Kelsey M.; Sahni, Shivani; Kiel, Douglas P.; Tucker, Katherine L.; Dufour, Alyssa B.; Hannan, Marian T. (February 8, 2017). "Dietary protein is associated with musculoskeletal health independently of dietary pattern: the Framingham Third Generation Study". The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 105 (3): 714–722. doi:10.3945/ajcn.116.136762. PMC 5320406. PMID 28179224 – via ajcn.nutrition.org.
Weight training aims to build muscle by prompting two different types of hypertrophy: sarcoplasmic and myofibrillar. Sarcoplasmic hypertrophy leads to larger muscles and so is favored by bodybuilders more than myofibrillar hypertrophy, which builds athletic strength. Sarcoplasmic hypertrophy is triggered by increasing repetitions, whereas myofibrillar hypertrophy is triggered by lifting heavier weight.[23] In either case, there is an increase in both size and strength of the muscles (compared to what happens if that same individual does not lift weights at all), however, the emphasis is different.
In natural contests, the testing protocol ranges among organizations from lie detectors to urinalysis. Penalties also range from organization to organization from suspensions to strict bans from competition. It is also important to note that natural organizations also have their own list of banned substances and it is important to refer to each organization's website for more information about which substances are banned from competition. There are many natural bodybuilding organizations; some of the larger ones include: MuscleMania, Ultimate Fitness Events (UFE), INBF/WNBF, and INBA/PNBA. These organizations either have an American or worldwide presence and are not limited to the country in which they are headquartered.
Some bodybuilders use drugs such as anabolic steroids and precursor substances such as prohormones to increase muscle hypertrophy. Anabolic steroids cause hypertrophy of both types (I and II) of muscle fibers, likely caused by an increased synthesis of muscle proteins. They also provoke undesired side effects including hepatotoxicity, gynecomastia, acne, the early onset of male pattern baldness and a decline in the body's own testosterone production, which can cause testicular atrophy.[43][44][45] Other performance-enhancing substances used by competitive bodybuilders include human growth hormone (HGH), which can cause acromegaly.
The motor proteins actin and myosin generate the forces exerted by contracting muscles. Current recommendations suggest that bodybuilders should consume 25–30% of protein per total calorie intake to further their goal of maintaining and improving their body composition.[30] This is a widely debated topic, with many arguing that 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight per day is ideal, some suggesting that less is sufficient, while others recommending 1.5, 2, or more.[31] It is believed that protein needs to be consumed frequently throughout the day, especially during/after a workout, and before sleep.[32] There is also some debate concerning the best type of protein to take. Chicken, turkey, beef, pork, fish, eggs and dairy foods are high in protein, as are some nuts, seeds, beans, and lentils. Casein or whey are often used to supplement the diet with additional protein. Whey protein is the type of protein contained in many popular brands of protein supplements and is preferred by many bodybuilders because of its high Biological Value (BV) and quick absorption rates. Whey protein also has a bigger effect than casein on insulin levels, triggering about double the amount of insulin release.[33] That effect is somewhat overcome by combining casein and whey. Bodybuilders are usually thought to require protein with a higher BV than that of soy, which is additionally avoided due to its claimed estrogenic properties. Still, some nutrition experts believe that soy, flax seeds and many other plants that contain the weak estrogen-like compounds or phytoestrogens, can be used beneficially, as phytoestrogens compete with estrogens for receptor sites in the male body and can block its actions. This can also include some inhibition of pituitary functions while stimulating the P450 system (the system that eliminates hormones, drugs and metabolic waste product from the body) in the liver to more actively process and excrete excess estrogen.[34][35] Cortisol decreases amino acid uptake by muscle, and inhibits protein synthesis.[36]
Many trainees like to cycle between the two methods in order to prevent the body from adapting (maintaining a progressive overload), possibly emphasizing whichever method more suits their goals; typically, a bodybuilder will aim at sarcoplasmic hypertrophy most of the time but may change to a myofibrillar hypertrophy kind of training temporarily in order to move past a plateau. However, no real evidence has been provided to show that trainees ever reach this plateau, and rather was more of a hype created from "muscular confusion".[clarification needed][citation needed]
Comer has an athletic build that comes from years of martial arts and marathon training, not to mention amateur competitive bodybuilding, activities that have taken a toll on her now bandaged 40-something-year-old knees. — Quanta Magazine, "The Art of Teaching Math and Science," 16 June 2019 Teresa Giudice, who's best known as a personality on Bravo's Real Housewives of New Jersey, competed in her first bodybuilding contest Saturday. — Carly Mallenbaum, USA TODAY, "'Real Housewives' star Teresa Giudice shows off new muscles at bodybuilding competition," 10 June 2018 His first wife, Sitora Yusufiy, suggested in an interview with Time magazine, with little evidence other than his penchant for bodybuilding and mirror-gazing, that Omar Mateen could have been gay. — Tim Fitzsimons /, NBC News, "What really happened that night at Pulse," 12 June 2018 The physique competition will be held at McGlohon Theater and includes the following categories: bodybuilding, fitness, men's physique, figure, bikini, classic physique and women's physique. — Courtney Devores, charlotteobserver, "Your 5-minute guide to the best things to do in Charlotte | June 22-28," 21 June 2018 Fans who have been following Giudice closely on social media have watched the reality star workout in videos, but Giudice hasn't posted publicly about her first bodybuilding competition. — Carly Mallenbaum, USA TODAY, "'Real Housewives' star Teresa Giudice shows off new muscles at bodybuilding competition," 10 June 2018 Carolyn Marvin, who served as the graduate adviser for both Prosper and Nirenberg, pointed to his thesis, an autoethnography about the subculture of bodybuilding. — Josh Baugh, San Antonio Express-News, "Nirenberg knew immediately that he'd eventually marry Erika Prosper," 17 Mar. 2018 The bodybuilding competition is one of two hosted produced each year in Louisville by Kentucky Muscle promoter Brent L. Jones. — Matt Stone, The Courier-Journal, "Bodybuilders, fitness athletes go flex at 2018 KDF Derby Championships," 29 Apr. 2018 Father John Brown is basically a bodybuilding legend, having won two Mr. Universe titles and three Mr. World crowns. — Jr Radcliffe, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, "Facts you may have missed about each Packers draft choice in 2018," 4 May 2018
In the 1970s, bodybuilding had major publicity thanks to the appearance of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Franco Columbu, Lou Ferrigno, and others in the 1977 docudrama Pumping Iron. By this time, the IFBB dominated the competitive bodybuilding landscape and the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU) took a back seat. The National Physique Committee (NPC) was formed in 1981 by Jim Manion,[7] who had just stepped down as chairman of the AAU Physique Committee. The NPC has gone on to become the most successful bodybuilding organization in America and is the amateur division of the IFBB. The late 1980s and early 1990s saw the decline of AAU-sponsored bodybuilding contests. In 1999, the AAU voted to discontinue its bodybuilding events.
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A few days later I had surgery on my shoulder, it would be the first of three and the start down a very, very long road to some level of recovery. The driver eventually gave the police, and hence me, some valid insurance details and sometime later he was prosecuted for careless driving. Up to this point the insurance company had denied any liability in the case. Post this moment they had no choice. This does not mean that they became even slightly amenable though. Throughout the entire process they were hard to deal with.
But then the real fight began, I had to prove that I was injured. You would think that an 8-inch (20cm) scar from three surgeries would be sufficient along with the medical records that detail each one ?
You would be sadly wrong, in order to prove that you are injured, you need to be examined by a specialist and they have to right up a report that states that your injuries will or will not heal and that resolution cannot really be ascertained for at least a couple of years. So the very long-game started. Every year I would get a new examination and every year the report would say that it was too early to tell, Eventually after three examinations over nearly four years, the report said 'permanent and stationary'. In other words, my injuries will not magically heal from this point on, the reduced range of motion in my left shoulder is here to stay, it is permanent. The scars will fade only slightly, but they are part of me now.
Along the way we got a court ruling that the insurance company was wholly liable and they they would pay the majority of the costs involved. We had a second hearing that set limits for each side in terms of legal cost and then a date was set for November for the final hearing and the expectation was that they would attempt to settle out of court.
And that was exactly what happened, about three weeks before the court date, the insurance company made an offer and we had to decide if it was good enough to accept, or if we wanted to actually go to court. The offer was not bad, it was pretty close to the sort of number that we expected to see awarded, but it came without any risk. In prior discussions, we had talked about the chances of an offer and at which levels we would 'roll the dice' and take our chances in court.
The offer was slightly over the maximum number that we were prepared to risk, so we formally accepted the offer. It took a while between acceptance and cheque clearing, but it is now, finally, all over. Everyone has been paid, my solicitor is happy and we are glad that this is all now over.
I really did not end up with very much money and it cost a lot for us to fight to get it too.
You often hear about people being awarded large sums for compensation – it is usually a friend of a friend that got £half a million after spraining his thumb, or similar. This is absolutely ridiculous and obviously 'fake news', there is a complex and invasive process in the UK that prevents this type of crazy payout from happening. Injury payments are based on the severity of the injury and the long-term effects of that injury on the injured party. Loss of a limb, loss of sight or hearing etc, carries a decent sized award, but recoverable injuries simply do not.
It takes a huge amount of time to settle any injury that has permanent effects. The injury needs be assessed multiple times over a multi-year period. The earliest that the payout period for a damaged limb (rather than a missing one) is around three years. Accepting an insurance payout in less time than that is crazy because the long term effects are not understood.
Actual compensation payouts are pitiful in comparison to the pain and suffering that you go through.
Looking back, if someone offered me many thousands to have my collar bone broken and go through the surgeries required and the pain and the inconvenience and the annoyance, I would tell them to stick it. Yes, I have received some compensation, no it is not even a fraction of one percent of the sort of number that I would need to willingly go through this again.
If you get caught up in an accident take a millions photos with your phone, photograph the screen, the people your injuries, the damages to everything. Do it before anyone moves too, if you have a photo like this that shows the position of the idiot that hit you, you will save yourself a lot of grief later. Note the dent in the door and the broken glass, human vs car hurts, a lot.
The compensation system is good, it does work, it is just necessarily painfully slow.


text:
package main

import (
	"fmt"
	"math/rand"
	"regexp"
	"testing"

	"github.com/stretchr/testify/assert"
)

func TestListS3Objects(t *testing.T) {
	// Node
	objects, err := listS3Objects("heroku-nodebin", "us-east-1", "node")
	assert.Nil(t, err)
	assert.NotEmpty(t, objects)

	// every returned result started with "node"
	for _, obj := range objects {
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("^node"), obj.Key)
	}

	// every node object must parse as a valid release
	for _, obj := range objects {
		release, err := parseObject(obj.Key)
		assert.Nil(t, err)
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("https:\\/\\/s3.amazonaws.com\\/heroku-nodebin"), release.url)
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("[0-9]+.[0-9]+.[0-9]+"), release.version.String())
	}

	// Yarn
	objects, err = listS3Objects("heroku-nodebin", "us-east-1", "yarn")
	assert.Nil(t, err)
	assert.NotEmpty(t, objects)

	// every returned result started with "yarn"
	for _, obj := range objects {
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("^yarn"), obj.Key)
	}

	// every yarn object must parse as a valid release
	for _, obj := range objects {
		release, err := parseObject(obj.Key)
		assert.Nil(t, err)
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("https:\\/\\/s3.amazonaws.com\\/heroku-nodebin"), release.url)
		assert.Regexp(t, regexp.MustCompile("[0-9]+.[0-9]+.[0-9]+"), release.version.String())
	}
}

func TestListS3ObjectsWrongBucket(t *testing.T) {
	objects, err := listS3Objects(fmt.Sprintf("heroku-this-bucket-doesnt-exist-%d", rand.Intn(100000)), "us-east-1", "node")
	assert.Nil(t, objects)
	assert.Contains(t, err.Error(), "Unexpected status code: 404")
	assert.Contains(t, err.Error(), "for listing S3 bucket: heroku-this-bucket-doesnt-exist-")
}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


text:
log in
EPEA PTEROENTA. Or, The Diversions of Purley. Part I
Gallery of 39 pages is available to subscribers.
By John Horne Tooke
Tooke's 'Diversions' of Purley' is considered one of the finest works of philology published during the 18th and 19th centuries. It was popular both on the Continent and in Great Britain, in which Tooke's progressivism, often bordering on republicanism, continually made its pres…
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Interior design: Lucas Studio, Inc.
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It's working now after messing with a bunch of stuff. I think the trick was that my External IP was not up to date. I'm now using dyndns to keep things in sync. I didn't really think that was really needed unless I wanted to do a remote access. I've now punched a hole through my firewall, to redirect traffic to the gateway. I'm not sure what all was really needed, but it seems okay so far.


text:
Evan Austin
Impairment information
Type of Impairment
Impaired muscle power
Origin of Impairment
S7, SB6, SM7
Further personal information
Colorado Springs, CO, USA
Athlete, Motivational Speaker
Public Relations - Indiana State University : Terre Haute, IN, USA
Sport specific information
When and where did you begin this sport?
He began swimming in 2004 in Terre Haute, IN, United States of America.
Why this sport?
"I had an affinity for water from a really young age, so I just asked if could I take some swim lessons that our club hosted back in Terre Haute."
Training Regime
He trains at the US Olympic and Paralympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, CO, United States of America.
International debut
London, ENG
EA Swim (Twitter profile, 23 Feb 2021; Athlete, 07 Jan 2016)
Hero / Idol
His father. (Athlete, 07 Jan 2016)
Sporting philosophy / motto
"Even though I was born with a disability and some of my teammates had an accident or inherited their disability in the middle of their lives, we just adapt and conquer." (teamusa.org, 01 Sep 2020)
To win a medal at the 2020 Paralympic Games in Tokyo. (teamusa.org, 11 Sep 2020)
Impairment
He was born with familial spastic paraparesis, an inherited condition that causes progressive stiffness and contraction in the lower limbs. His mother Nola has the same condition. While his mother was not impacted until she was in her late 40s, the condition only remained dormant in him until age three. (teamusa.org, 16 Dec 2019; menshealth.com, 24 Oct 2019; The e20 Podcast Episode 21, 12 Apr 2017; sunshinepando.com, 15 Aug 2016)
RETURN TO COLORADO
In September 2020 he returned to his previous base at the US Olympic and Paralympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, CO, United States of America, after the COVID-19 pandemic prevented him working as a consultant and volunteer assistant coach to the women's swimming team at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. "It is a bizarre feeling. I had to leave my dream situation at Purdue University where I was close to family, friends, and got to work with the best staff and group of young women I have ever met in my life. And now with all the new protocols in place to protect us from COVID-19, it feels like a ghost town here [in Colorado]. But I'm sincerely thankful that the powers at the USOPC [US Olympic and Paralympic Committee] have given me and my teammates a safe place to train amongst all the chaos." (Instagram profile, 01 Sep 2020)
He has worked as a volunteer consultant with Purdue University's women's swimming and diving team, and hopes to return to the role after the 2020 Paralympic Games in Tokyo. "Purdue is a Big Ten Conference member and having just one athlete like myself there can give the Paralympic movement great exposure. Word of mouth is a really understated method of the growth of this movement. I'm kind of just a 'yes man' when it comes to my role. Whatever they need from me I'm happy to oblige and just get stuff done." (Instagram profile, 01 Sep 2020; teamusa.org, 16 Dec 2019; tribstar.com, 30 Sep 2019)
Men's 100 m Butterfly S8 Heat 2 2012-08-30 5
Men's 100 m Breaststroke SB7 Final Round 2012-09-01 6
Men's 100 m Breaststroke SB7 Heat 2 2012-09-01 4
Men's 4x100 m Freestyle 34pts Final Round 2012-09-02 6
Men's 4x100 m Freestyle 34pts Heat 1 2012-09-02 3
Men's 200 m Individual Medley SM8 Heat 3 2012-09-05 4
Men's 100 m Freestyle S8 Heat 2 2012-09-06 8
Rio 2016 Paralympic Games (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Men's 100 m Butterfly S8 Final Round 2016-09-09 8
Men's 4x100 m Medley 34pts Final Round 2016-09-17 6


text:
<?php

// +----------------------------------------------------------------------
// | date: 2016-12-24
// +----------------------------------------------------------------------
// | CosAdapter.php: COS 上传实现
// +----------------------------------------------------------------------
// | Author: yangyifan <yangyifanphp@gmail.com>
// +----------------------------------------------------------------------

namespace Yangyifan\Upload\Cos\Cos;

trait File
{
    /*
     * 查询文件信息
     * @param  string  $bucket  bucket名称
     * @param  string  $path        文件路径
     */
    public function stat($bucket, $path)
    {
        $path = self::normalizerPath($path);

        return $this->statBase($bucket, $path);
    }

    /**
     * 上传文件,自动判断文件大小,如果小于20M则使用普通文件上传,大于20M则使用分片上传
     * @param  string  $bucket   bucket名称
     * @param  string  $dstPath      上传的文件路径
     * @param  string  $filecontent   文件的内容
     * @param  string  $bizAttr      文件属性
     * @param  string  $slicesize    分片大小(512k,1m,2m,3m),默认:1m
     * @param  string  $insertOnly   同名文件是否覆盖
     * @return [type]                [description]
     */
    public function upload(
        $bucket, $dstPath, $filecontent, $mime_type, $bizAttr=null, $sliceSize=null, $insertOnly=true) {

        $dstPath = self::normalizerPath($dstPath, false);

        // 如果是文件句柄,则读取文件内容
        if ( is_resource($filecontent) ) {
            $content = fgets($filecontent);
        } else {
            $content = $filecontent;
        }

        //文件大于20M则使用分片传输
        if (strlen($content) < self::MAX_UNSLICE_FILE_SIZE ) {
            return $this->uploadFile($bucket, $dstPath, $content, $mime_type, $bizAttr, $insertOnly);
        } else {
            throw new \InvalidArgumentException('文件大小大于 20M,请使用分片传输!');

            //$sliceSize = self::getSliceSize($sliceSize);
            //return self::uploadBySlicing($bucket,$dstPath, $content, $mime_type, $bizAttr, $sliceSize, $insertOnly);
        }
    }

    /**
     * 内部方法, 上传文件
     *
     * @param  string  $bucket  bucket名称
     * @param  string  $srcPath     本地文件路径
     * @param  string  $dstPath     上传的文件路径
     * @param  string  $bizAttr     文件属性
     * @param  int     $insertOnly  是否覆盖同名文件:0 覆盖,1:不覆盖
     * @return [type]               [description]
     */
    private function uploadFile($bucket, $dstPath, $filecontent, $mime_type, $bizAttr = null, $insertOnly = null)
    {
        $dstPath = self::cosUrlEncode($dstPath);

        $expired    = time() + self::EXPIRED_SECONDS;
        $url        = self::generateResUrl($bucket, $dstPath);
        $signature  = $this->createReusableSignature($expired, $bucket);
        $fileSha    = sha1($filecontent);

        $data = array(
            'op'        => 'upload',
            'sha'       => $fileSha,
            'biz_attr'  => (isset($bizAttr) ? $bizAttr : ''),
        );

        $data['filecontent'] = $filecontent;

        if (isset($insertOnly) && strlen($insertOnly) > 0) {
            $data['insertOnly'] = (($insertOnly == 0 || $insertOnly == '0' ) ? 0 : 1);
        }

        // 设置文件的 mime 类型
        $data['custom_headers']['Content-Type'] = $mime_type;

        $req = [
            'url'       => $url,
            'method'    => 'post',
            'timeout'   => self::$timeout,
            'data'      => $data,
            'header'    => [
                'Authorization: ' . $signature,
            ],
        ];

        return self::sendRequest($req);
    }

    /**
     * 内部方法,上传文件
     * @param  string  $bucket  bucket名称
     * @param  string  $srcPath     本地文件路径
     * @param  string  $dstPath     上传的文件路径
     * @param  string  $bizAttr     文件属性
     * @param  string  $sliceSize   分片大小
     * @param  int     $insertOnly  是否覆盖同名文件:0 覆盖,1:不覆盖
     * @return [type]                [description]
     */
    private function uploadBySlicing(
        $bucket,  $dstFpath, $content, $mime_type, $bizAttr=null, $sliceSize=null, $insertOnly=null)
    {
        $fileSize = strlen($content);
        $dstFpath = self::cosUrlEncode($dstFpath);
        $url = self::generateResUrl($bucket, $dstFpath);
        $sliceCount = ceil($fileSize / $sliceSize);
        // expiration seconds for one slice mutiply by slice count
        // will be the expired seconds for whole file
        $expiration = time() + (self::EXPIRED_SECONDS * $sliceCount);
        if ($expiration >= (time() + 10 * 24 * 60 * 60)) {
            $expiration = time() + 10 * 24 * 60 * 60;
        }
        $signature = $this->createReusableSignature($expiration, $bucket);

        $sliceUploading = new SliceUploading(self::$timeout * 1000, self::MAX_RETRY_TIMES);
        for ($tryCount = 0; $tryCount < self::MAX_RETRY_TIMES; ++$tryCount) {
            if ($sliceUploading->initUploading(
                $signature,
                $srcFpath,
                $url,
                $fileSize, $sliceSize, $bizAttr, $insertOnly)) {
                break;
            }

            $errorCode = $sliceUploading->getLastErrorCode();
            if ($errorCode === -4019) {
                // Delete broken file and retry again on _ERROR_FILE_NOT_FINISH_UPLOAD error.
                $this->delFile($bucket, $dstFpath);
                continue;
            }

            if ($tryCount === self::MAX_RETRY_TIMES - 1) {
                return array(
                    'code' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorCode(),
                    'message' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorMessage(),
                    'requestId' => $sliceUploading->getRequestId(),
                );
            }
        }

        if (!$sliceUploading->performUploading()) {
            return array(
                'code' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorCode(),
                'message' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorMessage(),
                'requestId' => $sliceUploading->getRequestId(),
            );
        }

        if (!$sliceUploading->finishUploading()) {
            return array(
                'code' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorCode(),
                'message' => $sliceUploading->getLastErrorMessage(),
                'requestId' => $sliceUploading->getRequestId(),
            );
        }

        return array(
            'code' => 0,
            'message' => 'success',
            'requestId' => $sliceUploading->getRequestId(),
            'data' => array(
                'accessUrl' => $sliceUploading->getAccessUrl(),
                'resourcePath' => $sliceUploading->getResourcePath(),
                'sourceUrl' => $sliceUploading->getSourceUrl(),
            ),
        );
    }

    /*
     * 删除文件
     * @param  string  $bucket
     * @param  string  $path      文件路径
     */
    public function delFile($bucket, $path)
    {
        if (empty($bucket) || empty($path)) {
            return array(
                'code' => Response::COSAPI_PARAMS_ERROR,
                'message' => 'path is empty'
            );
        }

        $path = self::normalizerPath($path);

        return $this->delBase($bucket, $path);
    }

    /**
     * Move a file.
     * @param $bucket bucket name.
     * @param $srcFpath source file path.
     * @param $dstFpath destination file path.
     * @param $overwrite if the destination location is occupied, overwrite it or not?
     * @return array|mixed.
     */
    public function moveFile($bucket, $srcFpath, $dstFpath, $overwrite = false)
    {
        $url    = self::generateResUrl($bucket, $srcFpath);
        $sign   = $this->createNonreusableSignature($bucket, $srcFpath);
        $data   = array(
            'op' => 'move',
            'dest_fileid' => $dstFpath,
            'to_over_write' => $overwrite ? 1 : 0,
        );
        $req = array(
            'url' => $url,
            'method' => 'post',
            'timeout' => self::$timeout,
            'data' => $data,
            'header' => array(
                'Authorization: ' . $sign,
            ),
        );

        return self::sendRequest($req);
    }

    /**
     * Copy a file.
     * @param $bucket bucket name.
     * @param $srcFpath source file path.
     * @param $dstFpath destination file path.
     * @param $overwrite if the destination location is occupied, overwrite it or not?
     * @return array|mixed.
     */
    public function copyFile($bucket, $srcFpath, $dstFpath, $overwrite = false)
    {
        $url = self::generateResUrl($bucket, $srcFpath);
        $sign = $this->createNonreusableSignature($bucket, $srcFpath);
        $data = array(
            'op' => 'copy',
            'dest_fileid' => $dstFpath,
            'to_over_write' => $overwrite ? 1 : 0,
        );
        $req = array(
            'url' => $url,
            'method' => 'post',
            'timeout' => self::$timeout,
            'data' => $data,
            'header' => array(
                'Authorization: ' . $sign,
            ),
        );

        return self::sendRequest($req);
    }

    /**
     * Get slice size.
     */
    private static function getSliceSize($sliceSize) {
        // Fix slice size to 1MB.
        return self::SLICE_SIZE_1M;
    }

    /*
     * 内部公共方法(更新文件和更新文件夹)
     * @param  string  $bucket  bucket名称
     * @param  string  $path        路径
     * @param  string  $bizAttr     文件/目录属性
     * @param  string  $authority:  eInvalid/eWRPrivate(私有)/eWPrivateRPublic(公有读写)
	 * @param  array   $customer_headers_array 携带的用户自定义头域,包括
     * 'Cache-Control' => '*'
     * 'Content-Type' => '*'
     * 'Content-Disposition' => '*'
     * 'Content-Language' => '*'
     * 'x-cos-meta-自定义内容' => '*'
     */
    public function updateBase(
        $bucket, $path, $bizAttr = null, $authority = null, $custom_headers_array = null)
    {
        $path = self::cosUrlEncode($path);
        $url = self::generateResUrl($bucket, $path);
        $signature = $this->createNonreusableSignature($bucket, $path);

        $data = array('op' => 'update');

        if (isset($bizAttr)) {
            $data['biz_attr'] = $bizAttr;
        }

        if (isset($authority) && strlen($authority) > 0) {
            if(self::isAuthorityValid($authority) == false) {
                return array(
                    'code' => COSAPI_PARAMS_ERROR,
                    'message' => 'parameter authority invalid');
            }

            $data['authority'] = $authority;
        }

        if (isset($custom_headers_array)) {
            $data['custom_headers'] = array();
            self::add_customer_header($data['custom_headers'], $custom_headers_array);
        }

        $data = json_encode($data);

        $req = array(
            'url' => $url,
            'method' => 'post',
            'timeout' => self::$timeout,
            'data' => $data,
            'header' => array(
                'Authorization: ' . $signature,
                'Content-Type: application/json',
            ),
        );

        return self::sendRequest($req);
    }

    /**
     * 增加自定义属性到data中
     * @param  array  $data
     * @param  array  $customer_headers_array
     * @return [type]  void
     */
    private static function add_customer_header(&$data, &$customer_headers_array) {
        if (count($customer_headers_array) < 1) {
            return;
        }
        foreach($customer_headers_array as $key=>$value) {
            if(self::isCustomer_header($key)) {
                $data[$key] = $value;
            }
        }
    }

    /**
     * 判断authority值是否正确
     * @param  string  $authority
     * @return [type]  bool
     */
    private static function isAuthorityValid($authority) {
        if ($authority == 'eInvalid' || $authority == 'eWRPrivate' || $authority == 'eWPrivateRPublic') {
            return true;
        }
        return false;
    }

    /**
     * 判断是否符合自定义属性
     * @param  string  $key
     * @return [type]  bool
     */
    private static function isCustomer_header($key) {
        if ($key == 'Cache-Control' || $key == 'Content-Type' ||
            $key == 'Content-Disposition' || $key == 'Content-Language' ||
            $key == 'Content-Encoding' ||
            substr($key,0,strlen('x-cos-meta-')) == 'x-cos-meta-') {
            return true;
        }
        return false;
    }
}


text:
Stan Lee's Lucky Man Episode 4 recap: Harry investigates a murder in the London tech sector
Sat Mar 18, 2017 at 5:05pm ET Sat Jul 04, 2020 at 5:05 pm EDT
By Ian Cullen
Harry meets up with computer coder Rachel and passes her Dave Wells' laptop
After last week's events on Lucky Man, Harry seems to be gradually falling off the wagon with his gambling and Isabella seems to be gaining more influence over him.
When an experimental self driven car goes horribly wrong at a tech launch, Harry and Suri are called in to investigate.
The initial suspect of their investigation is tech entreprenuer Dave Wells. Harry initially suspects him due to a digital file from the experimental car's black box which sees him arguing with his wife Mary.
Mary Wells died when the car automatically drove head first into the river Thames. Dave had got out the car at that point to take a phone call.
At the headquarters of Dave Wells' company, Harry and Suri are given the corporate run around by the legal team which leaves them at a dead end.
However Harry does manage to get the name of the software developer who coded the car's software AI.
This lead takes Harry and Suri to a technology start-up business run by a lady called Rachel who insists that her software for the car is flawless.
She tells Harry that they'd likely need to get hold of Dave Wells' personal laptop to find out what went wrong.
Back at Police HQ Harry tells his boss that they need to get hold of Dave Wells' computer, but given that they only have the thinnest of leads his boss tells him that they'd not be able to get a search warrant. This means that Harry will have to use other means.
Eve continues to try and Warn Harry about Isabella
Later Harry takes Isabella with him to Dave Wells' luxurious apartment and they use their bracelets to create enough of a distraction for them to slip past the security.
Inside the apartment Harry lifts the laptop, but not before finding Dave Wells in bed with his Legal PA. A brief confrontation happens and Harry takes Dave into custody.
At the station, Harry asks Suri to try and access the files on Dave Wells' computer while he distracts everyone by leading a police interview with Wells.
Suri gets back to Harry and says the computer is too heavily encrypted for her to get into. At this point they have had to let Dave Wells go, but they have managed to keep the laptop.
Later Harry meets Rachel on a train, but not before a cute little cameo from Stan Lee waiting for a train with Harry. On the train, Harry passes the computer to Rachel and gives her an hour to get into it and find out what happened.
An hour passes and Rachel gets back to Harry with the computer and says that the car's software had been hacked via a mobile device.
While talking with Harry, Rachel opens up about her work as a computer coder and tells him about a software project called Leveller that she has been working on since she was 14. She reveals that she has a fascination with statistical odds and so forth.
Back at the station, Harry still feels that the guilty party is Dave Wells, but Suri is not convinced and while Harry is elsewhere she gets hold of the laptop and downloads its hard drive in order to see if she can have more success breaking the encryption.
As the investigation deepens, we learn that Rachel signed over all of the intellectual rights to her various software code and AI's to Dave Wells company, which changes the direction of the case implicating her as the potential killer.
At this point Suri has managed to crack the laptop and learns that Rachel had changed some of the log files.
Rachel is now desperate and makes an attempt on Harry's life by blowing up his apartment via a Bluetooth device. Harry luckily manages to escape before his entire apartment blows up.
With Rachel now the number one suspect, Harry and Suri manage to track her down to a safe deposit box where she has been keeping her program Leveller, which is what it has been all about.
Harry manages to get a confession out of her and learns that the murder was an accident. She never intended to kill either David Wells or his wife. She just wanted to make the car go into the Thames in order to discredit his company.
At the close of the episode Harry questions Isabella about her activities when David Wells died. He is starting to suspect that she is using her bracelet to murder people that he is investigating even when they have been cleared.
It seems that Harry is beginning to listen to Eve's warnings about Isabella. We also learn that Eve and Isabella were friends before Eve gave her the bracelet.
Lucky Man: Things we're left asking
Is Isabella using her bracelet to interfere with and influence Harry's investigations?
Has Harry given up trying to find out about how he can remove the bracelet?
Where was Stan Lee headed?
Stan Lee's Lucky Man airs every Friday at 9pm UK Time on Sky 1.
Ian Cullen is a TV journalist and when not writing for monstersandcritics.com runs his own website SciFiPulse. He has also written for Star Trek Magazine.... read more
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Tags James Nesbitt, Stan Lee, Stan Lee's Lucky Man


text:
We, The MindThinkers
Welcome to the future. Or the past.
December 13, 2013 by Adam Ezagouri
The Small Man Chronicles: There Be Dragons
The Small Man Chronicles: There Be Dragons (1938)
a J.R. Dallas novel
(extract from Chapter XVIII)
published one year after J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, or There And Back Again
The Smalluns had made it to Asragarn.
And Mandrarg was near.
The giant owls of Forellem had not brought them all the way, for they had other, more interesting things to do like do other things and such.
Thall, the tallest of the Smalluns, knew there was only one way to proceed: through the dark woods of Klorsharum and passed the rivers of Gooloore. The journey was perilous but this was his quest, their quest, and he wasn't about to give up now.
"Young Small Man, you have served us well thusfar", Thall said to Polio, "We Smalluns need you but this is not your fight. If you wish to return to your meaningless existence, with your round doors and your cheese, you may do so. We will not think less of you."
"I'll be honest, Thall, I don't like you people and I care not for your long and tedious quest", replied the Small Man, "But I will help you. Because Old Man Hat is very powerful and he will no doubt vaporise me or put a sinister curse on my soul should I refuse."
Old Man Hat, who was standing behind Thall, giving Polio a stern stare and making throat-cutting gestures at him, said nothing.
"Very well", Thall said with a smile, "On we go! Your courage will not go unrewarded, young Small Man."
Thall ruffles Polio's hair and walks on as everyone follows.
"I'm 78!", yelled a vastly ignored Polio.
The dark woods of Klorsharum were dark.
So dark in fact that one could only walk through them with the help of a lit torch, or two. Luckily, Old Man Hat possessed many abilities, one of which was to generate strange white light from his staff. This was certainly helpful. But they were many and Polio's tiny feet could not quite keep up with the rest of the group. It was only a matter of time before he would lose them completely, despite his many vocal complaints.
And lose them, he did.
Polio was now walking in total darkness. He became more and more aware of the bizarre sounds which emanated from those treacherous woods.
"I hate Smalluns…", he thought.
What could he do but keep walking and hope that someone would eventually come back for him or that he would somehow catch up? Then again, what if some forest creature was to attack him and feast on him long before that?
This thought unnerved Polio and he started shaking.
That's when he remembered: the bracelet.
Of course! The bracelet from the monkey mines of Blerrendor! It had proved itself most useful and displayed incredible powers earlier in the quest, surely it could come in handy in this desperate instant. All he had to do was wear it and think of what he wanted, then the bracelet would no doubt provide him with that!
But why wish for something as trivial as a mere boost? Why not wish for The Smalluns' Pointy Mountain back? Or the death of the beast Mandrarg? Then that darn quest would be over! Hell, why not just wish for a short trip back home?
It sure was tempting…
Then again, perhaps there were more creative things he could do with this bracelet. Old Man Hat could swallow that rusty staff of his, impale himself from orifice to orifice with it. Thall and all the Smalluns in the land could all be tied together into one big ball by their veins and nerve-endings, with only their raw muscle tissue keeping them warm at night. Mandrarg could be summoned and I could sit back and watch as he devoured each of them, limb by limb, eyeball by eyeball, before my very eyes as a female Fairyun lets me lick those pointy ears of hers.
"Young Polio!", a loud voice came from the darkness.
Polio looked up, as if brutally awoken from a delicious dream. Above him, stood a stern-looking Old Man Hat, who was puffing on his fern pipe anxiously.
"What is the meaning of this stalling?", he said, "Explain yourself!"
Halfway between anger and shame, Polio was seriously considering wearing that bracelet. In fact, he was so close to wearing it, it was almost passed his wrist.
"Well?", pressed the old man.
"I… ", the Small Man struggled.
"Speak, damn you!"
"I… couldn't reach. I'm too small.", Polio said finally.
"Too small? No creature is too small that it can't run or hold on to a taller, and therefore superior, being's leg in order to follow a pack during a most important journey."
Polio resisted the bracelet's power and slipped it back in his coat pocket, without Old Man Hat noticing.
"May I… hang on to your leg?", Polio asked.
"Not on your life, peasant!"
Old Man Hat walked on, leaving Polio to follow on foot, cursing his name under his breath.
"I could have skinned you…", Polio muttered.
"N… nothing. Just talking to myself."
"And they say I'm high…", Old Man Hat concluded.
Polio had soon rejoined the group when Thall sensed something was amiss.
"What is there, Thall? What do you sense?", said Yarlaan, one of the hairiest of the Smalluns present.
"Klargens…"
Just then, a pack of rabid klargens, foaming at the mouth and emitting terrifying shrieks, burst out of the forest and start surrounding Polio, Old Man Hat and the Smalluns. Once again, Polio starts to consider his bracelet. Slowly and discreetly, he removes it from his pocket and leads it to his wrist as the klargens get closer and closer.
"This is it…", Polio thought, "First I get rid of the klargens, then the old man's getting melted in the fiery pits of Warglor. Beard first."
And, just as Polio was about to finally wear the bracelet, spears came flying from nowhere, impaling every single klargen right there and then. Polio couldn't understand what had happened. Had the bracelet worked already? That was impossible, he hadn't pulled it passed his wrist yet.
Out of the darkness, light finally appeared revealing the Smalluns' saviours: a group of armed Fairyun men on their typically white, blonde and blue-eyed horses.
"Fairyuns…", Old Man Hat said to himself.
Polio puts the bracelet back in his coat pocket.
"Smalluns, are you all well?", said the whitest of all the Fairyuns.
"We're fine.", replied Thall, reluctantly.
"How did you find us?", Old Man Hat asked.
"We sensed you would all wander here, and the dark woods of Klorsharum are not known for being the safest of places."
"We do not need your charity or your company.", Thall retorted.
Old Man Hat gives Thall a piercing look of disappointment and intervenes:
"What Thall means to say is: we do not mean to be a burden."
"Your quest is a perilous one, we only wish to offer our assistance should you ever need it."
Thall emits an audible grunt.
"Thank you, Melomas, you are most kind."
"We will lead you out of the dark woods. After that, if you wish to proceed without our help, we shall not get in your way."
And so Melomas and the Fairyuns led the way and we were soon out of the woods. But there were more obstacles yet to come.
The Smalluns had reached the rivers of Gooloore, night had turned to day and the Fairyuns had said their goodbyes for they knew that not all these Smalluns would make it back.
"Blasted river, how will we ever get across?", Old Man Hat asked himself.
"What about the owls? Call the owls.", suggested Polio.
"The owls are not ours to summon."
"But we summoned them earlier."
"That was different."
"That was a cliff, this is a river."
"I don't understand. Don't you have a spell? Can't you dry the river?"
"No. We'll have to go around."
"That'll take ages! We'll never get there!"
"Do you have a better suggestion, foolish Small Man?"
"I could use the…"
"The… wood to build a bridge. We could all do that."
Overhearing the conversation, Thall stepped in:
"We are not lumberjacks, young Small Man! We are warriors and Smallun warriors do not build bridges!"
Old Man Hat hits Polio across the face with his staff. Polio reaches into his coat pocket.
"We're going around.", Old Man Hat finally said to everyone, "Follow me."
As the group marched on behind Old Man Hat, Polio could only sit there and manage his anger internally. But this time, by extending this quest even more senselessly, the old man had gone too far. Polio finally takes out his bracelet and, without hesitation, wears it.
"Take me to Mandrarg, deep inside the Pointy Mountain."
In a flash, Polio was there.
Removing the bracelet, Polio looked around to find that he was ankles-deep in a sea of riches. Gold, silver, diamonds, rubies, it was a sparkling paradise and Polio had never seen anything like it.
Unfortunately, where there are riches, there be dragons.
The ground started to shake beneath Polio's feet. Or so he thought, for it wasn't the ground that was lifting him, it was Mandrarg. The bracelet had landed Polio right on his head. Losing his balance, Polio fell back, dropping the bracelet in the process. What was he going to do?
As he started searching through all the coins and gems around him for the bracelet, he heard Mandrarg's booming, cavernous voice and it was easily the most frightening sound he'd ever heard in his entire life.
"Who dares enter my mountain?"
"N-no-one, I assure you.", replied Polio nervously, still searching for the bracelet.
"I was wondering when you Smalluns would disturb my slumber."
"I-I'm no Smallun, I'm a Small Man, from the Parkypark Lands in the West."
"Small Man? I've never seen a Small Man."
"Trust me, I'm no Smallun. In fact, I hate Smalluns. So you see… we have something in common, you and I."
"You think me a fool, Small Man?"
Mandrarg's voice was much more aggressive now.
"N-no, of course not! Your… excellency.", replied the Small Man sheepishly.
"You may not be a Smallun but you are one of them nonetheless. You are aiding them in some way."
"That's not true! Y-you're mistaken, oh great Mandrarg!"
"Silence!"
Mandrarg's breath reeked of smoke and it felt like fire could burst out of his vast nostrils at any second. The beast approached its scaly, toothy mouth closer and closer to the Small Man, ready to eat him when Polio finally found his bracelet.
"Take me back! Take me back to the Smalluns!"
And, just like that, he was back with the Smalluns, trailing behind as usual. Old Man Hat turns around to find a shaking Polio, lying in the dirt.
"Young Small Man! Hurry up! This is no picnic!"
Polio turns to Old Man Hat and gives him a dirty look, followed by a wry smile. As if he'd just got an idea.
"Coming!"
Putting the bracelet back on, Polio wished for something unpleasant. Just then, Old Man Hat felt the trousers under his robe get looser. Polio had made him a small man, just not all over.
What a fiendish punishment.
The bracelet had finally taken hold of Polio.
And it would never let go.
More fantasy tales from J.R. Dallas next year.
Only on WeTheMindthinkers.
See Little Earth Map HERE.
Posted in J. R. Dallas, The Small Man Chronicles
Tagged classic, film, funny, j.r.r. tolkien, movie, parody, short story, spoof, the hobbit, the lord of the rings
The Small Man Chronicles: Little Earth Map
To celebrate the release of J.R. Dallas' Small Man Chronicles (and, to a lesser extent, Peter Jackson's The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug film), here at WeTheMindthinkers we are very proud to bring to you the almost unknown writer's test map for the Little Earth which provided the setting for his iconic fantasy saga.
Here is the Little Earth map with Polio the Small Man and the Smalluns' long journey clearly laid out:
An extract from The Small Man Chronicles: There Be Dragons will be posted on WeTheMindthinkers tomorrow.
Posted in The Small Man Chronicles
Tagged art, dragons, map, middle earth, parody, spoof, the desolation of smaug, the hobbit, the lord of the rings, the small man chronicles
November 18, 2013 by Adam Ezagouri
Dead Air (2003)
by Matt Kowalski
the incredible true story that inspired the motion picture "Gravity"
I don't know what all the fuss is about.
I mean, I "get" it: it's far.
But it's not like you can eat it or take it to the movies.
Before going up there, even I had that misguided "isn't space grand?" attitude. I guess you never know what's waiting for you behind the curtain unless you actually are the curtain, or something to that effect. I don't know why I kept going back up there, maybe I just really like that diarrhoea-style space food, maybe Earth just doesn't do it for me.
Now as to why she went up there… that's a whole other mystery altogether.
Medical doctors with daughter issues have no business being in zero gravity settings. I learned that the hard way.
I always knew she was trouble, the minute I saw her. She had that look. You know that unconfident, sweaty, eyes-darting-left-and-right type of look? "How she passed the psychological evaluation I'll never know…", I thought. It seems silly now but how could I have known?
Sure, NASA isn't exactly known for its overall incompetence but, every so often, mistakes slip through the cracks, even in the most professional and together of places. It happens. I should have known better but her making it up there, I suppose, wasn't completely unfeasible.
I was assigned to supervising repairs on Explorer, she was working on the Hubble when mission control warned us about debris hitting us and that's when I saw it. A look in her eyes I'd never seen before. Her edgy desperation had suddenly opened up the door to something much more knowing, much darker. Without hurry, there she remained, seemingly continuing repairs as debris started hitting us but really doing their bidding.
Before getting "accidentally" knocked off out of danger and into the dark chasm of space, I saw her neatly place a metallic item on the skin of the shuttle. It was like some kind of spinning cylinder with blue blinking lights shining all around it. Something not from our world. This is when I finally understood that what was happening to us was no accident.
Luckily, I had my thruster pack handy: stupid thing saved my life.
She killed Shariff.
He was one of our key engineers, the man had a family and a positive (read: naive) outlook on life. He was a good man and she killed his face, just like that. That device she planted on Explorer before floating away was clearly emitting some kind of magnetic field leading the debris to the shuttle. Shariff was almost at the airlock when part of that satellite hit him.
Can't believe we were pinning this debacle on the Russians.
I'm Russian!
So there I was, at a somewhat safe distance from the disaster. Shuttle's down, she's floating far out. I had two options: find a way out and get back to Earth or get to her and find out why she did what she did. THEN get back to Earth.
I decided to get the bitch.
Seeing as she was probably programmed or hypnotised to do these things, I would find her, find out the truth, her plan, and deal with her accordingly.
When I found her, she was hysterical: breathing loudly and wasting oxygen. Her real, cowardly self had resurfaced and I had to calm her down in order to reach deep and find what else was lurking inside her psyche. There wasn't much time to get the both of us over to another structure.
She told me about her dead daughter.
Ruined the vibe.
Can't listen to good music in space, these days.
Anyway, we just about made it when the debris came back, knocking me away unexpectedly. That bitch had once again called the debris towards us: she must have been onto me. She knew I suspected her.
That's when I got the idea: fake my own death and bring her down another way.
She was holding my hand, pretending to save me. I let go.
What she didn't know was that my thruster pack still had plenty of fuel. I would make my way to a nearby Chinese satellite, where she would no doubt be heading, and set a trap for her.
It took some time but I finally made it. The people there were good people. They were on their way back to Earth when I warned them of a possible impending attack on our world by an unknown force. I flipped the oxygen switch down without them noticing, waited for them to get dizzy and, eventually, they believed me. We devised a plan: they would take the first escape pod down and warn the authorities, warn NASA, and I would hide and come back down with her.
Soon after the Chinese astronauts had left, she finally made it and, luckily, didn't notice me hiding under the pod. I saw her sneak in, try to communicate with an Earth base and that's when it happened.
She started barking.
Like a dog.
Well, seemingly like a dog but it was much stranger than that. Much more disturbing and high-pitched. She turned off her oxygen completely and closed her eyes. Suddenly, she re-opened them and I saw like a mist pass over her blank gaze. Over the pod, something crazy happened.
Space dogs.
Yes, I saw three dogs with spinning blue collars, floating in bubbles and communicating with her from the outside. What they were transmitting sounded like co-ordinates. They were planning an attack! I knew it!
I wasn't insane!
The space dogs barked, she barked back, I listened.
After a couple of minutes, they floated away. That's when I realised that my thruster pack was running completely out of fuel. I had to make it inside the pod, somehow. Luckily, she was still unconscious so, if I acted fast, I could open the pod, sneak inside, hide and make sure she didn't see me when she woke up. Which is what I did. I was afraid for a moment when she blindly opened her eyes but, thinking fast, I pretended to be a ghost, knocked her out and hid inside the pod, right at the back.
She woke up and turned the oxygen back on. Thank God for that.
As if overwhelmed by a new sense of lust for life, she followed the procedures to get back to Earth and so we did. We almost burned-up on re-entry and I almost drowned when we landed but I had taken off my space suit as soon as we did so sneaking out underwater after her was easy. I even pushed a frog towards her in order to send her in a different direction.
Dogs respond to frogs.
Popping up over the water to breathe every so often, I eventually saw her stand and walk away.
Just then, the authorities arrived: the Chinese astronauts had followed my instructions! She was instantly apprehended, given a strong sedative and taken back to NASA headquarters. I, of course, followed.
What they found was staggering.
Testing revealed a small but significant bone-shaped substance inside her brain. It was carefully removed and analysed. Apparently, the substance contained a highly concentrated dose of nuclear energy. The space dogs' plan, then, would have been to turn us all into skeletons, invade the Earth and feast on our bones. They led her into space in order to psychically impregnate her head with this powerful weapon as, from their far distance, they could only hypnotise her.
This explained everything!
The barking, the sudden change of emotions, the hysterical mood swings, the incompetence, it all makes sense now!
Unfortunately for her, by removing the substance, which had reached deep parts of her brain, she was left with a limited amount of capabilities. Essentially all she could do from now on was get on all fours, bark and eat doggy treats. To this day, she still resides at our NASA kennel. She's happier than ever and I go feed her biscuits once a week.
Poor Dr Stone.
It's like something out of a bad movie or something…
More sci-fi "true stories" soon.
Posted in Dead Air, Matt Kowalski
Tagged dead air, film, funny, gravity, matt kowalski, movie, parody, short story, spoof, true story
July 14, 2013 by Adam Ezagouri
Hard Warriors
Hard Warriors (1979)
a Hiroaki Yamada short story
(translation by Guillaume Le Taureau)
They were strong.
They were hard.
Warriors with strength.
One was blue, the other: not blue.
They were ready.
Inside the beast, young Hideo was sweating. Sweating like an animal in the Sun. Like an unborn baby rhinoceros waiting to come out of its mother's womb. But there was no coming out: the battle was about to begin.
"Stop it now, Isamu!", he said to his opponent.
"Never!", Isamu replied through his own metallic warrior.
"You were good! Now you are bad! Why, Isamu? Why?"
"I am bad because you made me bad! I was good! Now we are both bad."
Hideo threw the first punch.
WHAMMAK!
Such power!
But Isamu would not be defeated so easily.
PAPOOM!
What an attack!
"Our strengths are matched! But mine is stronger!", Isamu gloated.
"Don't flatter yourself, Isamu!"
And Hideo lept at Isamu, clenching the latter's waist with his thighs while thumping on his head with his titanium fists.
FHOOM! FHOOM!
"Aaaaah! Damn you!", Isamu screamed.
"You can still end this: we used to be brothers!"
Isamu unleashes a hidden chest saw: sparks fly as Hideo is violently propelled by the rotations of the sharp thoraxian weapon.
"Take that, inferior thing!"
"How about… you take… THIS?"
Hideo's warrior releases gold arrows from his eyes: they promptly pierce through Isamu's shoulders. Isamu screams and drops to his knees.
"You will pay for this!"
"Surrender, Isamu! It is what you must do!"
Isamu pulls out one of the gold arrows from himself, stands and runs towards Hideo. He jumps at him, ready to stab Hideo with the arrow but Hideo was prepared: he had already deployed the anti-arrow disc.
BZONGH!
The arrow broke.
"Last chance for salvation, Isamu!"
Hideo slices Isamu in half.
Both halves of what once was Isamu plop down to the ground as blood, oil and wires pour out.
"Isamu…", Hideo says quietly to himself.
Just then, Hideo felt a change of gravity.
Was he flying?
In fact, he was being lifted. Inside the warrior, Hideo panicked, playing with all the buttons peppered over the main control panel.
A voice came from above.
"You have failed, Hideo."
"Computer", Hideo asked his control panel desperately, "Analyse big voice!"
Looking up at the screen in front of him, Hideo finally saw the truth.
The voice continued:
"You can't kill so early: you lose the drama, young Hideo!"
Was that an eyeball facing him?
Were those glasses?
It couldn't be… they were so big.
"Try again", said the voice, "This time: use the arrows last. Take your time: length is good. We'll keep rolling."
"R-rolling?"
Suddenly, Hideo was placed back down on the ground.
"Aaaaaand: action!", said the voice.
In front of him, Hideo found another hard warrior.
Could it be?
It couldn't.
"I…Isamu?!"
More from the Hiroaki Yamada soon.
Posted in Hard Warriors, Hiroaki Yamada
Tagged anime, battle, funny, pacific rim, parody, robots, satire, short story, spoof, warriors
June 14, 2013 by Adam Ezagouri
Man Made Of Steel
Man Made Of Steel (1938)
a Jerry Jones comic-book
Extract from the 6-pages-long novelization
"Look! Up there!", the woman gasped.
"It's a bird!", her husband guessed.
"It's a balloon!"
"It's a bird!", the husband guessed again.
"No! It's Man Made Of Steel!", said an older lady who had joined them on the scene.
Indeed, Man Made Of Steel had just flown across the sky after, quite probably, having saved yet another life. It had been a month since the first sighting of the fearless hero and crime in the vibrant city of Bigtown had reached its lowest point. The metallic wonder had been a blessing.
But who was this phenomenon?
Where had he come from?
That's what ace reporter Sally Sullivan, of the Bigtown Daily, was trying desperately to find out. As yet, she had only been able to catch a glimpse of the mysterious helper, not enough to paint a full picture. Somehow, she knew she would need to get closer to him, be the first reporter in town to get an interview.
The Olsen twins had been no help at all.
The Daily's go-to photographers, Jack and Jack, had been joined at the elbow since birth, which made their career twice as hard but, despite the occasional crooked shot, they often surprised their colleagues with impressive results.
"Anything on that Man Made Of Steel, fellas?", Sally asked the twins.
"Not yet.", they replied in unison.
"Well, be sure to let me know first, if and when you do get something worthwhile. With my words and your pictures, we'll get that story if it's the last thing I do."
"Will you go out with me?", the twins asked, again, in unison.
But Sally had already walked away without hearing their question. She was deep in thought.
Where would a Man Made Of Steel go?
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a child was crying.
With a "whoosh" and a "thump", Man Made Of Steel appears and lands next to the child. Upon seeing him, the boy's eyes widen in wonder.
"Gee whiz! Man Made Of Steel!"
"What appears to be the problem, young citizen?", the hero asked somewhat robotically.
"It's my kitty, Charlemagne, it's stuck in that tree!"
"Have no fear. Man Made Of Steel is here."
On that note, Man Made Of Steel deploys a cannon from inside his back and points it at the tree in question. Without warning, a thick, blood-red laser beam booms out of the cannon rendering the entire tree to ashes.
"But…", the child is too stunned to finish his thought.
"No need to thank me, citizen. I do this for justice."
Man Made Of Steel goes to ruffle the boy's hair playfully but, his strength much too great, he instead proceeds to mistakenly crush the child's head like an egg. Not noticing anything wrong, Man Made Of Steel's laser cannon folds back into him and he is soon off, up and way, flying to further adventures.
"A fire has broken out in downtown Bigtown. Next to nothing is known about the cause of this sudden disaster as yet but we will bring you the details, as they come. In the meantime, what's the weather like, Bobby?"
Sally turns her radio off promptly.
Man Made Of Steel couldn't possibly pass up a heroic act like extinguishing a fire like that. I only hope I get there in time!
Running out of her office, Sally calls out to the Olsen twins.
"Jack, Jack: big fire, downtown Bigtown! Be there."
She sees one of her colleagues, the rather sheepish, forgettable Cal Karlson, exit the elevator and yells at him from across the room while running towards him.
"Hey! Karlson! Where were you?"
Cal goes to answer but Sally interrupts him.
"Never mind, you'll tell me on the way."
Cal goes to ask a question but she interrupts him again.
"I'll tell you. On the way."
They both get in the elevator and the doors close.
Downtown Bigtown.
Fire.
By the time Sally and Cal finally arrived at the scene, the fire had already engulfed six blocks. Dark smoke filled the sky, fire engines everywhere, chaos.
"My god…", Sally said to herself out loud.
"I know. Horrible, isn't it?", Cal confirmed naively.
"Man Made Of Steel abandoning his duties…"
"Tragic.", Cal said in complete agreement.
"What a scoop!", Sally finished her thought, "I can see it now: 'HERO TO NOT HERO: THE MAN MADE OF STEEL STORY'. What do you think, Cal?"
Sally turns to look at Cal but he is inexplicably nowhere to be seen.
"Cal…?"
The fire marshal suddenly spots something above, in the sky.
"Look! Up there! It's Man Made Of Steel!"
Everyone promptly drops whatever they were doing to look at the hero who has, indeed, appeared up in the sky, above the inferno he himself created.
"Fear not, citizens. Man Made Of Steel is here."
Swooping down through the fire like a phoenix, the metallic justice man starts blowing the fire away with a giant fan he had deployed on his chest seconds prior. The fire doesn't so much disappear as it does spread to previously unaffected blocks. Man Made Of Steel proceeds to move the fire all the way across town to the neighboring metropolis: Gothtown City.
Sally, unaware of the colossal damage caused by the hero over the rest of the entire town, looks at the wreckage left by the fire and starts feeling both moved, especially when she spots the bones of a dead child on the ground next to her (his head barely looking like a head anymore), but also a peculiar sense of pride.
Man Made Of Steel had proven himself a true patriot, he had come back for us.
"What's all this, Sally?", a voice called to her nearby.
It was Cal, still wearing his good-old prescription glasses and looking completely unfazed by the events.
"Where's the fire?"
"You mean, you didn't see any of what just happened?"
"I was buying a hot dog.", he replied candidly, not holding a hot dog.
"You know… you look strangely familiar to me. I never noticed it before."
"Oh Sally, you must be suffering from smoke inhalation. Let's get you to a doctor."
Sally could not put her finger on it.
There was something about Cal's red eyes, his straight posture, his hard, blockish shoulders and his monotone way of talking that somehow felt uncanny. Which was bizarre. After all, Cal was just your normal, paper-pushing, eight-foot tall reporter.
But there was something…
"You know Cal, I think I love you."
Cal beeps.
More of Jerry Jones' unique comic-books coming up soon.
Posted in Jerry Jones, Man Made Of Steel
Tagged comic book, comic strip, comics, funny, joke, man of steel, parody, spoof, superman
Futurearth
"Futurearth" (1995)
a Brendan M. Midnight short story
Inspired the motion-picture "After Earth"
The young soldier was cold.
Outside, the cold had made everything cold: even the trees.
As he lay down waiting for death, a beard of snow grew on his face.
Colonel Unfeer, meanwhile, sat in his pod, powerless. He thought of his son, he thought of his late daughter and he thought of his wife.
He thought.
All at once, he thought of all of them and how he had failed them. If only he had been there when the unthinkable happened. He could not fear. He had evolved and they hadn't, but did they deserve a fate worse than his? The answer was no.
Fear was a choice, he once believed.
Now, he wasn't so sure…
If only there was a way to save all he had left: his son.
His wife didn't matter right now.
And then he remembered.
"Birds…", Unfeer said to himself.
Both his legs had been broken in the crash and he was losing blood rapidly but he still had his brain.
"Computer, find me a bird. A big one.", the Colonel ordered his screen.
"Processing…", the computer replied.
Still lying on the frozen grass, young J.D. Unfeer could feel the fear leave him. Perhaps he had finally attained the nirvana of self-control his father had often spoken of, or perhaps he was dying. His eyes turned to the grass around his right hand. On it, was an elaborate slug-like creature wearing what looked at first like a very small leather jacket but was in fact another layer of skin.
The creature starts climbing on J.D.'s hand, leaving behind it a trail of blood and scars. The young soldier, frozen solid, could not feel the pain or anything else. He could only stare at the creature, paralysed, and let it do what it was doing. Which, it turns out, was defecating.
Back in the conapt, Colonel Unfeer was losing patience.
"The birds, goddamn it! The birds!"
"Processing…", replied the computer.
There had to be an easier way.
A legend told of an early form of technology which allowed humans to tap into any living creature at a distance. He remembered his great-grandfather teaching him this. How, long before the Earth perished, a form of primitive communication known as the "Internets" evolved into a wireless web connecting everything to each other telepathically and, therefore, spiritually. This, of course, was only a tale he had heard as a young child but if he could only remember the details of how humans learned to control that technology, perhaps…
Finally, he knew what he had to do.
It hit him like a bold of lighting, in his brain.
"Computer, locate mind darts."
"Come on, come on…"
"Mind darts detected."
On-screen, a blue dot appeared on the map of the ship: it was very close to the red dot which depicted Unfeer's current location.
J.D. was about to lose consciousness. The slug had reached his lower back.
Crawling down the ship's unlit corridors, slithering with great difficulty, Colonel Unfeer felt tremendous amounts of physical pain but the adrenaline pumping through his arms which pulled him forward again and again kept him focused. Behind him, a trail of blood was left by his gushing legs. He had soon arrived at the Science Quarters, a pod which, like all the others, was made of bone.
The scientists onboard the ship used this room to do science.
Crawling inside the room, Unfeer saw the fleshy pocket which contained the mind darts, embedded inside the wall next to the eye-nets, the ivory stomachs and the tri-toothed crystal chopsticks.
"Computer: release compartment B-12."
Promptly, the wall purse burst open.
The transparent jelly-like wax poured out and the box of mind darts (made of eggshells and hard milk) hung there, ready to be plucked.
J.D. had finally fainted, his snow beard was sparkling in the chilling wind.
The slug was now in him.
It was then that it came for the boy.
A great, impressive bird he had encountered prior had swooped down and was now dragging the young soldier with its claws over the grass. The poor bird was cold, but it wasn't about to give up on J.D..
Soon enough, the latter found himself, still unconscious, resting in a warm hole in the ground, covered with leaves and the bird's own comfortably hot faecal matter. But the frost had taken its toll on the unfortunate beast and after lying on the leaves over the boy, it fell asleep never to awake again.
The next day, J.D. opened his eyes feeling predictably cool but unexpectedly alive.
But how?!
That was unexpected.
J.D. starts to crawl out of the hole, still unsure as to how exactly he could have ended up in that particular location safe and sound. Once up and out, however, it all made sense.
Before him lay the bird, dead.
He remembered the previous day, when he had tried to save its young but mistakenly destroyed their nest, killing them in the process. The bird had followed him here and saved his life, all because he had risked his own life for its brood.
Or, at least, that's what the young soldier thought before getting a closer look at the bird's body. On its side and on its neck were small glowing darts made of teeth and elbows.
"Father?", J.D. enquired.
"You have done well, my son.", replied the bird's neck, "You have made me proud."
More from Brendan M. Midnight soon.
Posted in Brendan M. Midnight, Futurearth
Tagged after earth, film, funny, futurearth, m. night shyamalan, movie, parody, satire, sci-fi, short story, spoof, will smith
September 11, 2012 by Adam Ezagouri
The Mountains Upside Down – Chapter III
"The Mountains Upside Down" (1863)
a Gilles Vorace novel
Extract from Chapter III:
"Downwards And Upwards"
We had finally begun our climb down to the top of the mountain.
Dr Niemendorf had been right all along: the mountains upside down did exist!
Hektor Wiendelstein's journal was not a fake nor was it a collection of demented ramblings which was certainly good news for the expedition. What lies at the peak of an upside down mountain, deep underground?
We were about to find out.
-"Dr Niemendorf", I inquired, "What of the air down there?"
-"Young nephew, use your mind! Typically, a mountain peaks at the purest and lightest of its air. Therefore, since our journey already begins at the top, we should find a vast pocket of fresh oxygen right at the foot of the mountain. The freshest, most delightful air you could ever breathe. After that, it'll all be downhill from there."
-"Surely you mean 'uphill'."
-"Hush those mindless queries and corrections."
-"But doctor", our Finnish lumberjack friend Raskkattan started, "We five, we not enough. Maybe more people is better, no? Danger!"
-"Balderdash! A group of five abled bodies with working limbs and capable, functioning brains is more than enough to secure a safe and productive expedition."
-"But we drop!"
-"Drop? Absurd! If my calculations are correct, and they are, once we have slid our way through to the mountain's base, reverse gravity should kick-in just in time to guarantee a smooth upside down walk all the way to the top!"
-"But…"
-"'But-but-but', be quiet man! Keep your concerns to yourself and leave the science to those of us who are indeed qualified to discuss such intricate matters. Me, for example. Now carry this pig."
Raskkattan should have known better than to argue with Uncle Niemendorf. He was as stubborn as an owl and, more often than not (by that, of course, I mean always), he was completely, surprisingly right. My uncle handed the bulky Scandinavian the pig and, after wrapping a long piece of rope around a nearby tree, started his descent.
Raskkattan followed, his porcine disciple firmly tied to his chest, like a real boy. Olaf was next, the weak-minded child was scared out of his wits, contesting throughout: "Why did he have to come?", "Why couldn't he go home instead?", nonsense of the sort. Honestly, who wouldn't want to be part of such a ground-breaking discovery? I tied up the boy promptly, from neck to toe, filling his mouth with cranberries to keep him quiet, and lowered him down with the others.
The ungrateful tick.
It was to be Lady Seitenstreifen's turn when she turned to me, her stunning figure in that all-too complimenting dress of hers, hardly suited to an adventure such as this one might I add, heaving towards me, like a bag of cherries, and asked:
-"Do they have napkins down there?"
Not knowing what she meant and for fear of sounding foolish, I immediately agreed with her. Puzzled, she nonetheless smiled and followed the rest of the group down the crack. Good thing I remembered to tie her rope to the tree in time, she had forgotten and a lesser gentleman could have lost himself in that magical smile of hers.
She truly was a special breed.
The climb down was torturous.
Impatient, Uncle Niemendorf intermittently yelled instructions back at us. The pig, no doubt deeply disturbed by the events, squealed uncontrollably, Raskkattan muttered what could only be Finnish profanities on and off, young Olaf crying hot, bitter, childish tear the entire time, Lady Seitenstreifen complaining about the absence of a working powder room (poor, sweet Lady Seitenstreifen, I could bury my head in her) and me, unsure about where this unsympathetic road would lead me.
Respect? Fame? Fortune? Death?
Time would tell.
-"My uncle, how much farther down until we reach the mountain?"
-"According to Hektor Wiendelstein's journal, we should be approaching the base of the mountain somewhere between now and later."
-"Later as in after some time has passed?", interrupted Lady Seitenstreifen, with a voice so soft and cushiony I felt instantly wombed by its motherly comfort.
-"Precisely", simply replied my uncle.
This was going to be one long climb.
-"You have water?", Raskkattan asked the doctor with a thick Helsinki accent, so thick it must have weighed at least a couple of inches.
-"'Vwahtier'? I suppose you mean 'water'? Fool, you imagine I would undertake such a monumental undertaking without packing enough water for us all?"
-"No, but it's good you have."
-"I don't 'have' it now, of course. I had to drop some weight on the way down in order to perform my leader duties to the best of my abilities so what I couldn't drink, I discarded. But not to worry, as long as I am hydrated, the group should enjoy a safe journey with me, its leader, in top physical form. Besides, the water will no doubt be waiting for us down the mountain thanks to good old, trusty reverse gravity."
-"Surely you mean 'up' the mountain, Uncle Niemendorf!", I playfully jested.
-"I loathe the very fabric of your being and, furthermore, your face.", was his, I felt, somewhat harsh, reply.
A sudden move by Dr Niemendorf sent all of us swinging and sent Olaf face-first into the rocky walls which surrounded us, cracking his skull on a sharp piece of granite. He died on impact. The blood pouring out of his little head angered my uncle but provided Raskkattan's pet pig with enough fluids to keep it alive and squeal-less for some time.
-"I tire, lets set up camp here!", Lady Seitenstreifen suggested as Olaf's motionless corpse hung puppet-like right below her small, delicate feet.
Suddenly, and without warning, the rope snapped and we started our long tumble down this mysterious, upside down abyss.
More extracts from Gilles Vorace's "The Mountains Upside Down" will come soon.
Posted in The Mountains Upside Down
Tagged adventure, book, classic, journey, jules, mountains, novel, parody, satire, spoof, story, verne
Writer Biographies
The Electric Owl – Chapter I
Daughters Of Uranus
You Are L.
Abraham M. Moon
Alan Smithee
Brendan M. Midnight
C.C. Prexman
Ebert E. Bert
Edelweiss Space Magic
G.J. Adams
Gilles Vorace
Gustav Belland
Hiroaki Yamada
Ian McCanus
Is This The End? Or Is That?!
J. R. Dallas
L.L.L. Burlap
Lazarus Pitt
Malcolm M. Milon
Matt Kowalski
Norman L. Brisbane
Over Thair
Phalloids
Ragle B. Gumm
Simon Simmons
Star Trek Into The Darkness
The Electric Owl
The Mountains Upside Down
The Red Moons Of NeOrion
The Rice Farmers Of Kryoc
The Small Man Chronicles
Time Hat
WWV


I wonder what grudge Mr. Chao can have against me, what grudge the people on the road can have against me. I can think of nothing except that twenty years ago I trod on Mr. Ku Chiu's1 account sheets for many years past, and Mr. Ku was very displeased. Although Mr. Chao does not know him, he must have heard talk of this and decided to avenge him, so he is conspiring against me with the people on the road, But then what of the children? At that time they were not yet born, so why should they eye me so strangely today, as if they were afraid of me, as if they wanted to murder me? This really frightens me, it is so bewildering and upsetting.
These few days I have been thinking again: suppose that old man were not an executioner in disguise, but a real doctor; he would be none the less an eater of human flesh. In that book on herbs, written by his predecessor Li Shih-chen,2 it is clearly stated that men's flesh can he boiled and eaten; so can he still say that he does not eat men?
As for my elder brother, I have also good reason to suspect him. When he was teaching me, he said with his own lips, "People exchange their sons to eat." And once in discussing a bad man, he said that not only did he deserve to be killed, he should "have his flesh eaten and his hide slept on. . . ."3 I was still young then, and my heart beat faster for some time, he was not at all surprised by the story that our tenant from Wolf Cub Village told us the other day about eating a man's heart and liver, but kept nodding his head. He is evidently just as cruel as before. Since it is possible to "exchange sons to eat," then anything can be exchanged, anyone can be eaten. In the past I simply listened to his explanations, and let it go at that; now I know that when he explained it to me, not only was there human fat at the corner of his lips, but his whole heart was set on eating men.
"In ancient times Yi Ya boiled his son for Chieh and Chou to eat; that is the old story.4 But actually since the creation of heaven and earth by Pan Ku men have been eating each other, from the time of Yi Ya's son to the time of Hsu Hsi-lin,5 and from the time of Hsu Hsi-lin down to the man caught in Wolf Cub Village. Last year they executed a criminal in the city, and a consumptive soaked a piece of bread in his blood and sucked it.
1. Ku Chiu means "Ancient Times." Lu Hsun had in mind the long history of feudal oppression in China.
2. A famous pharmacologist (1518-1593), author of Ben-cao-gang-mu, the Materia Medica.
3. These are quotations from the old classic Zuo Zhuan.
4. According to ancient records, Yi Ya cooked his son and presented him to Duke Huan of Chi who reigned from 685 to 643 B.C. Chieh and Chou were tyrants of an earlier age. The madman has made a mistake here.
5. A revolutionary at the end of the Ching dynasty (1644-1911), Hsu Hsi-lin was executed in 1907 for assassinating a Ching official. His heart and liver were eaten.


So, we're coming to the end of the season and my thoughts are turning to my training workshops next year. What an amazing way to start 2012 – some winter sun in Tunisia where I have been asked to teach as part of the PTO 25th anniversary.
Photo Training Overseas was started by George and Glenys Dawber in 1988 in Tunisia. Over the past twenty five years the Dawbers have bought together the best of teaching of aspiring photographers, many of whom have gone on to have very successful careers and are now teaching the new generation. It is a great honour to be asked to be part of the team and the delegates this year are in for a real treat with regards the diversity of training on hand.
I'm not sure my liver is looking forward to the trip (given the famous Irish contingent) but amidst the hangovers and sun worshipping there promises to be a wealth of learning and, above all, delegates have that all important time to sit down with the tutors and squeeze every ounce of knowldege from us – personally I love the fact there is absolutely no 'them and us' environment and I know that all the tutors will be hugely giving with their skills and time.
Sean Conboy, an incredible architectural photographer who I'm sure I could use some of his knowledge in my own work. Norwegian Kenneth Linge, who encapsulates all genres with incredible finesse and impact. Clare Louise from up North here in the UK (well the Midlands where it's cold), I've seen Clare's work develop over the years and she is now at the cutting edge of todays social sector through talent and and a sponge like hunger to learn. Ziba Salehi who has a highly successful wedding and portrait business. Keith Trainor runs Event Photography and does so with great success, it having taken him to the US and throughout Europe – a completely different mindset to location portraiture and certainly worth listening if this is factored into your business. Dave Wall, a highly experienced and respected teacher, writer and photographer of all things photographic. Stuart Wood, who I have huge respect for given that he has managed to marry social and commercial work with great success and with high profile clients – as well as some pretty respected awards under his belt.
I will be demonstrating how I photograph children on location – and given the climate, we should be able to work with some harsh light and resolve some problems in that area of control as well as utilising perhaps less obvious areas of the hotel as locations.
PTO is always well attended and I think there are just a few spaces left and George has negotiated excellent rates. So if you fancy the idea of combining some winter sun, an all inclusive five start break with some incredible opportunities to build your portfolio and learn from some of the best then dig out your passport and sheesha pipe!


text:
The Future Of Battery Management System For Electric Vehicle
Aayush Gairola Content Writer
2. Analyzing the Electric Vehicle Market 2021 to 2028
1. Policies and Norms:
2. Behavior of the Consumer:
3. Role of Technology:
3. What is a Battery Management System?
4. The Role of Battery Management System for Electric Vehicles
5. How a Smart BMS Can Be EV's Long-Term Companion
6. Bacancy's Battery Management System For Electric Vehicle
BMS Features:
Benefits of BMS:
7. Key Takeaway
The E-mobility industry has been rapidly expanding. With the ramp-up in EV production, the need for Battery Management Systems has also been on the surge. 2020 witnessed nearly 10 million EVs on the road, advancing amid the pandemic with a 4.6% sale out of the total cars in the world.
To future proof the EV ecosphere's changing needs, we need to employ the right performance management system for the battery packs used in E-Bikes and EVs. In this blog, I will share a comprehensive analysis discussing the future of Battery Management System for Electric Vehicle & the need to adopt a reliable, sound Battery Management System.
Certainly, EV – electric vehicles are not the future tense anymore, and you might see people around you buying an EV for themselves, gearing up with the advancements in the constantly changing mobility segment.
The whole concept of E-mobility is like the center point of a see-saw built to
1. Mitigate the foreign dependency on oil and gas
2. Nurture a cleaner and healthier space towards sustainable development
Analyzing the Electric Vehicle Market 2021 to 2028
The Electric Vehicle segment is constantly acquiring the automotive market YoY. A report by Fortune Business Insights suggests that the global electric vehicle market opportunity is set to scale from USD 287.36 billion in 2021 to USD 1,318.22 billion in 2028 at a CAGR of 24.3% by 2028.
By 2026, the Electric Vehicle Market in India is predicted to reach USD 47 billion with a CAGR above 44% (2021-2026) estimated at USD 5 billion in 2020.
The future scope of Electric Vehicles is determined by; Regulation, Consumer Behaviour, and Technology. Fundamentally, these topmost crucial factors drive the road towards sustainable mobility solutions.
The IEA report outlines the existing measures and declared targets and initiatives country-wise.
As per the report;
The European Union stands on the top in incentivizing EV deployment. The proposal from the nine-member committee states to phase out the sale of fresh IC Engine passenger vehicles.
The Biden administration has set a 50% market acquisition target for the upcoming decade. By 2025, California has set the target to achieve 1.5 Million Zero-Emission Vehicles (ZEV) and 5 million vehicles by 2030.
India targets a 25% share of EVs in sales by 2024, intending to acquire 30% of the total LDV (Light Duty Vehicle) market by 2030.
The majority of the regions have already implemented alternative mobility modes such as rental E-bikes. The unison of the most prominent regions is converging mostly towards adopting the EV as shared mobility to reduce private vehicle use and traffic congestion.
People are accepting the change and aligning with the sustainable modes of mobility. More than 20% of Germans already use ride-pool for their daily commute.
However, a recent survey by an automotive research company highlights the concerns related to the EV battery capacity. The EV drivers are pessimistic about the battery range, unlike an ICE vehicle driver who can find refueling stations distanced in almost a mile's range. Here is where the need for an improved Battery Management System for Electric Vehicle comes into play.
The newly developing autonomous, electric, and shared mobility concepts have attracted the industry with $400 billion in investments cumulative in the last decade. Thanks to the far-sighted investors who have accelerated the execution of innovative ideas to improve battery technology, placing EV right next to a conventional vehicle.
Have a look at how Bacancy's smart Battery Management System is future-proofing the EV-ecosystem
What is a Battery Management System?
The BMS (Battery Management System) is a performance management framework for monitoring the status of the battery and determining its health and charge status. Battery status can be monitored remotely on-screen/tablet/smartphone.
The BMS accurately determines the State of Charge (SOC) and State of Health (SOH) for the battery, which are vital parameters required for ensuring the battery's longevity.
It also supports passive cell balancing, crucial when the battery is overcharged or completely discharged.
The Role of Battery Management System for Electric Vehicles
Particularly, a BMS is needed for E-bikes and EVs, where the motor current row is high. The batteries can go out of balance because of unequal load distribution, leading to permanent damage or failure in the life cycle.
If you are an EV owner, you know that it is economically viable to commute to work vice-versa. You could either charge at home overnight or at the corporate parking garage. But the anxiety arrives on the weekends, whether to go for a long drive, unaware about the range of a trip.
To solidify the ground of improvement, the EVs follow a modular approach towards energy conversion and storage for the batteries. Here is how an affordable and reliable Battery Management System for Electric Vehicle is important:-
The BMS is the managing and commanding unit for your EV or E-bike's battery pack to maintain longevity and ensure operational safety.
Ideally, a BMS is an accurate predictor of the conditions the battery packs can be susceptible to, such as shocks, vibrations, overloading.
It monitors and predicts accurate SOC(State of Charge) and SOH(State of Health), vital parameters for improving the overall battery performance.
The continuous monitoring process immunes the battery from overcharging, temperatures, or any short circuits.
Whenever the battery exceeds a safe limit voltage, the BMS cuts off the power supply from the battery.
How a Smart BMS Can Be EV's Long-Term Companion
We must not overlook the fact that the battery is the heart of the EV, and a safety-critical system is a must to prevent any catastrophic failures. Considering BMS Battery Management System for Electric Vehicle as a self-check system, operational sustainability is well ensured.
With a wide range of EV options evolving in the market, a robustly smart BMS powered with reliable and multifaceted communication protocols can be very well suited for further development.
Explore more features of Bacancy's smart BMS products catering to the E-mobility industry. Get in touch with the Leading Embedded Company
Bacancy's Battery Management System For Electric Vehicle
Bacancy's integrated and smart BMS is an authentic Performance Management System and a reliable EV ally. By capturing live battery parameters and secondary data from the battery pack, the BMS enables battery performance monitoring for the system.
Bacancy's extended venture, Bacancy Systems, is catering to the E-mobility Industry with a precise solution eco-system through the BMS, delivering flexible models for hardware, software, and cloud.
Here is how Bacancy's smart BMS uses an adaptive approach to tackle the rapidly progressing EV markets:-
Accurately determining the SOC (State of Charge), SOH (State of Health) for the battery supporting passive Cell Balancing essential for reaching cell stability.
Achieving a Current measuring (upto 2%) and Temperature measurement accuracy (±1 °C ), the BMS Pro enables multi-purpose utility required for hardware integration.
Incorporating SOC Algorithm and OCV compensation, maintaining accuracy and precision.
Supporting software services which BLE powers, Wifi & GSM/GPRS communication, Plug & Play support for Bacancy's Telematics.
Covering a wide variety of cells and use cases, to detect and alert faults and diagnose event logging.
Securing IONDASH cloud battery analytics platform which facilitates remote mirroring, providing the exact real-time battery status.
The smart BMS is a firewall system, safeguarding the battery pack by continuous monitoring and optimizing its performance
Using a centralized communication protocol for cloud communication, the BMS is self-reliant in decision making without the intervention of human aid
The Multifaceted Communication Protocol promotes a seamless integration with mobile and web applications through BLE, Wifi, Non-isolated CAN communication protocol
Data visualization becomes easy with IONDASH-Bacancy's Cloud Analytics Platform, which users can easily access through a web browser
Real-time data collection assists in simulating a close to real battery model required for analysis, development in improving the asset life and performance
Remote mirroring and real-time battery status monitoring establishes the foundation for a metrics necessary for risk mitigation and downtime assessment.
With a ramp-up in EV production, the OEMs know that consumer behavior is the key aspect to consider while gearing up for the future. Their promise to deliver products with sustainability for the consumer and environment will be the topmost priority for this decade. Being the most trusted BMS manufacturer and suppliers, we develop a BMS product that is a compatible solution model for the battery pack. It supports Li-ion/ Li-Polymer and Li-FePO4 battery chemistry with reliable multifaceted communication protocol support.
Bacancy Systems, an extended venture of Bacancy, is a leading embedded company. We are serving the E-mobility segment by building authentic solution models in product engineering and hardware integration services.
How reliable is the Battery Management System (BMS)?
A smart, reliable BMS is the one that comes with multifaceted communication protocols. It enables the BMS to decide without any human interface. With the help of real-time remote mirroring, accuracy and authentic modeling capabilities are achieved.
What are the other applications of BMS?
Other than EVs and E-Bikes, the BMS is used in Mobile Equipment, Industrial and Home Storage, Battery Backup Systems, Drones, Robots, and Street Lighting
What types of battery models does Bacancy's smart BMS support?
The battery chemistry which Bacancy's smart BMS support include Lithium-ion, Lithium-polymer, and LiFePO4 Battery packs
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