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sunearthorbitmarsiomoonlightplutosolar eclipseatmospheremoon rocksatelliteplanetnasajupiterlunar
Moon Jokes
Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon
The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...
"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."
What do little shops become at full moon?
Werehouses
Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio.
On the moon.
When the moon moans.....
You know the sun has gone down.
What is the first sport ever played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it
Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are telling bad moon jokes at a party, and nobody is laughing.
Buzz sighs, "I guess you had to be there"
France has the most flags on the moon of any nation.
The intense UV light bleaches all the flags placed there white.
When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees
A guy walks into a bar on Halloween
A guy dressed in regular street clothes walks into a bar on Halloween and orders a beer. "I'm here for the costume party," he tells the bartender. The bartender looks him up and down, taking in his ordinary clothing and no makeup or wig. "What are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "I'm a were...
An astronaut flies in his space shuttle
And after flying for a while he stops at the nearest gas station in space to fill up. Once he's done he asks the cashier where the nearest bar is. The cashier respond with "if you just go over to the next moon, you'll find it. It's called The Keyboard." The astronaut thanks the cashier and leaves. O...
I am half Spiderman, half batman and half moon knight...
\- Poor
\- With no powers
\- With mental disorders
Chinese probes are still doing things on the dark side of the moon.
Seems pretty shady.
What's the difference between the moon and Uranus?
I don't want to visit the moon tonight.
A teenager has a crush on a girl, and decides to ask her to the prom. The girls accepts, and the boy is over the moon.
Because he wants this night to be perfect, he decides he needs to dress his best, so, a couple of weeks before the prom he looks to rent a tuxedo.
When he gets to the store there are already people waiting in line, but he waits anyway, and gets his tuxedo.
He wants himself and his date...
A stupid pun joke- The moon and the sun are having a conversation
The moon and the sun are having a conversation.
The moon says "Hey, you have been pretty dark lately. That kinda defies your entire sol purpose. The sun replies with "When will you stop telling me these stupid puns like a lune-atic."
I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon….
The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.
What do you think about the new diner on the moon?
Food was good but there really wasn't enough atmosphere
In the age of streaming I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV
Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war..
Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
Because it's a little meteor
Two siblings are arguing, then one puts his hand level with his head and says "I've had it up to hear with you."
The second sibling steps back takes a breath and speaks. "You know what? Fine." He leaves, and years later is set to go to the moon. Once there on the televised broadcast he tells his brother, with his palm facing the earth, "I've had it to here."
One of the car hire companies was looking at diversification, to be able to better cope in the next pandemic.
They started getting interested in the space tourism market, currently dominated by companies such as Blue Origin, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX. They needed a hook to make them stand o...
A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.
He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.
He then stum...
Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said "I'm the second guy to walk on the moon..."
"Neil before me"
Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
How do we know the moon is hairless?
The moon spends half the month waxing!
Ladies...If a man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....
You should be willing to sacrifice Uranus.
Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics!!
(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)
Grammar Lesson.
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with a Native American Indian medicine man (on a nearby reservation) who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went to the reservation and sa...
What do Moonlight and Moon Knight have in common?
The other Oscar isn't real.
A professor sits with a farmer on a train.
Bored, the professor says to the farmer: "I ask you a question, if you can't answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can't answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?" The farmer nods. The professor asks the farmer: "What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The fa...
What do you call your home under the full moon?
A warehouse!
Elon Musk and some European guy sat next to eachother on a plane.
Being bored, Musk turned to the European and said; "Lets play a game. You ask me a question, if I dont know the answer, I pay you 500 dollars. Then I ask you a question, if you dont know the answer, you pay me 5 dollars." The European, thinking for a second, said; "sure, but you ask the first questi...
Kids orbit their parents like moons.
It's why they can't see their dark sides.
Did you hear that NASA found bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.
When the cow jumped over the moon...
Never have the steaks been so high.
I'm currently obsessed with the Moon
Although I think it's just a phase
NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts
"Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon."
"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."
"Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red."
"Houston, we have a problem. Hal...
Engineer and an Academic on a plane
An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...
What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?
A lunar tick.
The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:
Neil before Zod.
What's the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon
While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.
Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?
He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.
How do know there's no hair on the moon?
The moon waxes 14 times a month!
The screw and the bellybutton
So a guy I work with told us this joke on the plane, went on for full 30' which made it even funnier smh, this is a short version:
A boy is born and is perfectly normal, arms legs ears and stuff, except a tiny detail: He had a screw on his bellybutton. Parents send him to all doctors imagina...
The 7th planet should be a moon
Because it's Uranus.
(This is an unprovoked joke from my 7 year daughter who is drawing pictures of planets in her coloring book. I thought its was clever)
Two blondes are walking and one asks, " which is closer, the moon or Mississippi?" And the other responds, "duh...
... can you see Mississippi?"
I told my friends I was a blood sucking insect from the moon
they said I was a luna tick.
If we had a civilization on the moon and someone committed murder, would the punishment still be the same?
I mean, I would think the gravity of the situation would be way less, ya know?
Kung Fu student asks his teacher
"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated.
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling migh...
What happens when you put a bunch of cardboard boxes in your house during a full moon?
You make it a warehouse
Why did the cow travel to the moon?
To checkout the Milky Way.
What goes up the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?
So this Indian guy is sitting next to Einstein and Einstein says you know its a long flight why don't we have a competition? I will ask you a question and if you cant answer it you will give me $5 and than you can ask me a question and if I cant answer your question I will give you $500. The Indian ...
People always say, "I love you to the moon and back."
That's not really that far. The moon is only 238,900 miles away.
Uranus, on the other hand, is 1.7 billion miles away.
Why is the moon so grumpy?
It's just going through one of its phases
The flag on the moon.
The flag on the moon is fading from the constant exposure to the sun. My grandfather said "Great in a few more years people are going to think the French landed there. "
We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons
If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.
Landing on the Moon
In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.
'What are you doing here?' the old man asked.
'We...
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...
"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.
Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."
"And he won?" I said.
"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped do...
I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.
Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.
Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...
There are no boobs at the moon
That's why we stopped going there.
An old man was sitting on his front porch, when he saw two boys walking past his house. The two boys were talking very loudly.
"Yesterday I bought a car and drove all the way to the moon!" said one of the boys.
"That's nothing!" said the other boy. "This morning, I went all the way to Pluto! By walking!"
"What are you two whippersnappers doing?" asked the old man.
"We found a $20 bill on the sidewalk," ...
The Artemis mission is a success, two astronauts land on the moon.
The astronauts are exploring the surface and collecting samples. The mission is going well, but one of the astronauts notices something strange in the distance.
"Hey, what's that thing on the ground?" the astronaut points.
They cannot make out what it is, so the two astronauts approac...
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and e...
Neil Armstrong used to enjoy telling unfunny jokes about the moon.
When nobody laughed he paused and said, "I guess you had to be there."
When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...
Europa creek with no paddle.
I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.
What do you call a black person on the moon?
An astronaut you racist bastard
Two blonds are sitting on a park bench at night looking at the moon...
One leans to the other and says "Which do you think is closer: Florida or the moon?"
The other blond says "Obviously the moon. You can't see Florida."
What do you say when your dog goes missing during a full moon?
Where wolf
Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.
Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.
Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
Why do wolves howl at the moon?
Cause they don't know how to use cellphones.
A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him
'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.
The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;
'All of them'
'No just 3', replies the kid
'Damn it'
The father shakes his head in disappointment an...
Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon
They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
They sent a goose to the moon
The called it amoongoose
Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing
"My tits are jacked"
Pete Townshend and Keith Moon were arrested last night after releasing 1000 pugs from a cosmetic company's testing facility.
The Who let the dogs out.
What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
An Apocaclipse.
First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
"Never mind"
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."
How do you know when the moon is going broke?
When it's down to its last quarter.
My son identifies as a crescent moon.
I hope it's just a phase.
On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn't last very long.
The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.
Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon
But they didn't planet in time
SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.
It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.
Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...
Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.
Much love from Toronto, stay safe!
What's the moon's favorite gum?
Orbit.
I never drink beer with an orange slice in it.
Except once in a Blue Moon.
The moon landing was staged
The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon
The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus
I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.
That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.
Why does the moon raise and lower the tides over and over again?
It has to make shore
A millionaire wants to marry a virgin.
He wants to marry a virgin and starts looking. He meets a beautiful woman, takes her on a date and at the end of it whips out his penis and asks "Ever seen one of these before?" She's shocked and says "No, never!" He is over the moon and immediately asks her to marry him. She agrees. 3 months later ...
What do you call a mad insect on the moon?
A Lunatic
What did the peanut say to the moon?
Nothing.. Peanuts don't speak..
My 4 year old just told me this joke and I can't stop laughing..
The American flags planted on the Moon by the Apollo astronauts have been exposed to high levels of UV rays for decades. This has bleached them pure white.
So now it looks like the French landed there.
Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.
They're all fake
sunearthorbitmarsiomoonlightplutosolar eclipseatmospheremoon rocksatelliteplanetnasajupiterlunarlunar eclipsecometasteroidastronautchandrayaan-1slugidleclementinemonthlazesolar systemlanderunited statesmoonshinedaydreamapolloneptunemoon ongravitysunlightlighthypothesisinterplanetarymeteoritegalaxyplanetaryoxygengalacticsoviet unionapollo 11skyspacecraftmartianheavenscomets


Karen is Achieve's Vice President of Strategy. She graduated from the University of Southern California and is an avid Trojan fan–FIGHT ON! Karen previously worked as a Product Development Director, where she managed product development across various industries while also supervising all digital marketing plans. By leveraging her experience with large corporations, she excels in streamlining the overall business process by adding adaptive structure and efficient business practices. During her free time, Karen enjoys spending time barbecuing with her friends at the lake.


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There are a lot of kinds of children's clothes, but how to choose the very one which you daughter or son will wear with pleasure, and parents will be sure that their kids will not catch a chill or will not look bad in the eyes of their peers. I think that this question is a real problem for most parents and I was not the exception. But I bought girls rain jacket for my daughter visiting the web site leathernote.com and now I am not afraid of the health of my child.
I hate buying goods on the internet. You just waste your time and money. All advertising is deceitful. There is no guarantee that a product which you chose and ordered would be of a good quality, as you can't see it as you see it at the department store or some other shop' � this was my words two weeks ago until the moment of visiting the web site leathernote.com, where I found much interesting information about clothes which are made of wool and leather even about girls down jacket.


text:
Cornwall Office of Canada Post Bans Use of Religious Greeting
Wed Jan 28, 2009 - 12:15 pm EST
By LifeSiteNews.com
By Thaddeus M. Baklinski
CORNWALL, Ontario, January 28, 2009 (LifeSiteNews.com) - After a complaint from an employee about injecting religion into the workplace, Canada Post in Cornwall has banned the use of the phrase "Merci, Seigneur, pour la belle journee" (Thank you, Lord, for the beautiful day) which mail carriers were used to saying as they departed for their mail delivery rounds.
Orvel Murphy Jr., who has been with the Cornwall office of Canada Post for 35 years, was disciplined by management for using the departure blessing after being instructed not to.
"It's my right to express myself. When do you draw the line when one person's human rights infringe on another person's human rights?" asked Murphy in a Cornwall Standard Freeholder report.
Murphy said that he was told that if any mail carriers use the phrase again they will face suspension.
Canada Post area manager Cavelle Lane told the Standard Freeholder that the ban had been implemented in the Cornwall post office after negotiations between management and the local Canadian Union of Postal Workers, though the union's shop steward said that most of the mail carriers thought that banning the phrase was simply kowtowing to political correctness.
James Lepage, a postman for 19 years, said, "I've said it in the past, and I didn't mean anything religious by it," adding, "Most people here feel it's ridiculous. It's not preaching, and it's not pushing religious beliefs."
The Catholic Civil Rights League, a Canadian civil and religious rights defense organization, commented on the action by Cornwall Canada Post in a press release. The group observed that the issue appears to be more an attack on faith and religious beliefs than a justified response to a legitimate human rights complaint.
"Banning a long-established local greeting because it contains a religious reference, and reprimanding someone for using it, is taking the control of employee conversation to an unacceptable level," the League stated. They pointed out that "Employers have the right to insist on some sensitivity to religious beliefs and non-beliefs, but this incident speaks much more to an anti-faith mentality than to protecting anyone's sensibilities."
"An attempt to penalize the completely voluntary use of a greeting with a religious reference speaks more to a reflex action against believers than to sensitivity to their opposite numbers," the Catholic Civil Rights League concluded.
To express your concerns, write:
ATTN: CUSTOMER SERVICE
MISSISSAUGA ON L4W 1S2
General Information 1-866-607-6301
E-mail: https://obc.canadapost.ca/orc/csnEntry.do
Cornwall Office of Canada Post Bans Use of Religious Greeting Cornwall Office of Canada Post Bans Use of Religious Greeting News By LifeSiteNews.com

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


To honor those who serve, the Original Oyster House restaurants offer members of the armed forces a special 10% discount off their meal on Mondays.
Must present military ID card to receive the offer. Alcohol and tip excluded.


Tonight's run was gruesome. I'm starting interval training and I was excited too because it was my first run with my new toy – a heart rate monitor that syncs perfectly with my Runkeeper. The run consisted of a five minute slow warm-up, followed by ten minutes fast, five minutes slow (walking pace) and then ten minutes fast again.
Yamashita Park – a great place to run and an even greater place to sit!
The first fast interval nearly killed me. I figured that ten minutes would take me around Yamashita Park about one and a half times. My new heart rate monitor was telling me through my headphones that my heart rate was in the 80-90% zone which I looked up when I got home, and this turns out to be spot on for a fast interval.
Needless to say, I couldn't talk. Then my phone rings. I pick up with a quick squeeze of the control on my headphones and I attempt to say something.
I hung up. The phone rings again.
The five minutes of walking in between the two fast intervals was glorious. It seemed to last forever and I had a beautiful view of Yokohama to enjoy.
The second interval was worse than the first although at least I didn't get interrupted by phone calls. I still managed to hold my heart rate up in the 80-90% zone for the whole ten minutes which wasn't easy for me. And at the end of the interval, I felt a bit nauseous for a few minutes and I was worried I might lose my lunch, especially since I'd spent a lot of time and effort making that homemade pesto from my home grown basil!
My favourite part of tonight's run though, as always, was sitting on the bench at the park afterwards with my Procari Sweat. Once I had rested enough to be able to talk again, I called mum back.


text:
Saint-Amand est une commune française située dans le département du Pas-de-Calais en région Hauts-de-France.

La commune fait partie de la communauté de communes des Campagnes de l'Artois qui regroupe  communes et compte  en .

Géographie

Localisation

Le territoire de la commune est limitrophe de ceux de sept communes :

Paysages

La commune est située dans le paysage régional des grands plateaux artésiens et cambrésiens tel que défini dans l'atlas des paysages de la région Nord-Pas-de-Calais, conçu par la direction régionale de l'Environnement, de l'Aménagement et du Logement (DREAL). Ce paysage régional, qui concerne , est dominé par les « grandes cultures » de céréales et de betteraves industrielles qui représentent  de la surface agricole utilisée (SAU).

Urbanisme

Typologie
Saint-Amand est une commune rurale, car elle fait partie des communes peu ou très peu denses, au sens de la grille communale de densité de l'Insee.

Par ailleurs la commune fait partie de l'aire d'attraction d'Arras, dont elle est une commune de la couronne. Cette aire, qui regroupe , est catégorisée dans les aires de  à moins de .

Occupation des sols

L'occupation des sols de la commune, telle qu'elle ressort de la base de données européenne d'occupation biophysique des sols Corine Land Cover (CLC), est marquée par l'importance des territoires agricoles (90,9 % en 2018), néanmoins en diminution par rapport à 1990 (98,9 %). La répartition détaillée en 2018 est la suivante :
terres arables (90,9 %), zones urbanisées (8 %), forêts (1,1 %).

L'IGN met par ailleurs à disposition un outil en ligne permettant de comparer l'évolution dans le temps de l'occupation des sols de la commune (ou de territoires à des échelles différentes). Plusieurs époques sont accessibles sous forme de cartes ou photos aériennes : la carte de Cassini (), la carte d'état-major (1820-1866) et la période actuelle (1950 à aujourd'hui).

Toponymie

Le nom de la localité est attesté sous les formes Sanctus Amandus (1171) ; Sanctus Amandus versus Passum (1274) ; Saint-Amant (1299) ; Saint Aimand (1444) ; Saint-Amand emprès Pas-en-Arthoys (1476) ; Saint-Amand-lez-Souastre (1515).

Saint-Amand est un hagiotoponyme qui fait référence à Amand de Maastricht.

Durant la Révolution, la commune porte le nom de L'Union.

Ses habitants sont appelés les Saint-Amandinois. Ils sont surnommés les Pommes cuites par les habitants des communes alentour.

Histoire
Pendant la Première Guerre mondiale, en octobre 1914, des troupes ont séjourné sur Saint-Amand. Le front est à proximité : Berles-au-Bois, Bienvillers-au Bois, Hannescamps, Monchy-au-Bois.

Politique et administration

Découpage territorial

La commune se trouve dans l'arrondissement d'Arras du département du Pas-de-Calais.

Commune et intercommunalités

La commune est membre de la communauté de communes des Campagnes de l'Artois.

Circonscriptions administratives

La commune est rattachée au canton d'Avesnes-le-Comte.

Circonscriptions électorales

Pour l'élection des députés, la commune fait partie de la première circonscription du Pas-de-Calais.

Élections municipales et communautaires

Liste des maires

Population et société

Démographie

Évolution démographique

Pyramide des âges
En 2018, le taux de personnes d'un âge inférieur à  s'élève à 23,4 %, soit en dessous de la moyenne départementale (36,7 %). À l'inverse, le taux de personnes d'âge supérieur à  est de 35,9 % la même année, alors qu'il est de 24,9 % au niveau départemental.

En 2018, la commune comptait  pour , soit un taux de 50,83 % de femmes, légèrement inférieur au taux départemental (51,50 %).

Les pyramides des âges de la commune et du département s'établissent comme suit.

Culture locale et patrimoine

Lieux et monuments
 Église avec un clocher daté de 1597.
 Chapelle du cimetière : classement au titre des monuments historiques par arrêté du .
À l'intérieur de la chapelle, on peut admirer une magnifique Vierge à l'Enfant datée de 1270 ainsi qu'un plafond charpenté de chêne, rappelant un bateau de pêche retourné. Cette charpente est décorée de blochets représentant des saints et des anges.

Personnalités liées à la commune

Héraldique

Pour approfondir

Bibliographie

Articles connexes
 Liste des communes du Pas-de-Calais

Liens externes

Notes et références

Notes

Références

Commune dans le Pas-de-Calais
Commune ayant porté un nom révolutionnaire dans le Pas-de-Calais
Aire urbaine d'Arras

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia