text:
Short Story 2013 Longlist, Ajinkya Raut
Ryan and Seema had exchanged their vows in a church in front of a pastor and amongst their kin and friends. Ryan, wore his best suit and looked his best. He had always been this charmer, with dimpled smile, that could just please anybody who saw it. If there was a phrase that could suit him, it would surely be tall, dark and handsome. A phrase that summed his appearance completely.
To top it all, he belonged to the defence, he was quintessential man Seema would surely have dreamt of. He was her man in uniform, and he was as attractive as he could get. Seema, on the other hand was this petite, demure looking girl, with almond shaped eyes, that never needed any make up, they were just plain attractive. Apart from her eyes, if there was anything that was more attractive, it was her wit, her intelligence and her in innate ability to understand. This is what had attracted Ryan more towards her, or so he had said. It was an arranged marriage, though it took only two weeks and a meeting for Seema to say a yes, it was Ryan who took more than a month to agree to get married.
The pastor read some verses from the Bible and as soon as he pronounced them Man and Wife, there was hooting from Ryan's friends, giggly cheers from Seema's clan of friends and a merry applause from relatives of both sides. It was a joyous moment. Seema's best friend and her clan of friends had gathered around her and made the air around her more cheery and bubbly. Seema's best friend Alicia had then hugged Seema so tight, that seema seemed to be gasping for some air. There, Sameer to had done same to Ryan, though he seemed to be whispering something into his ear and gave a sly smile and a high five and then a laughter, a naughty joke had been cracked.
When the time had come to dance, Ryan and Seema were pushed in first and the tradition be followed the Best Man Sameer and Bridesmaid Alicia were pushed in next. Later the couples and couples-to-be followed. Sameer and Alicia seemed to be enjoying each others company, and it was Alicia who seemed to be chirpy otherwise, was quiet and seemed to be enjoying whatever Sameer had to say. They looked good together Seema had thought, though just in passing.
Gradually, people started leaving and it was only Ryan and Seema's friend that had stayed back to bid the couple good bye. Everybody had some quirky thing to say to the bride and the groom before they left and it was fun for Seema to listen to Ryan's drunk and tipsy friends. They all seemed so sober when they had come in, but now under the influence of alcohol, everybody seemed to be funnily insane.
"I feel the luckiest man today, that I have I got you. The vows I exchanged there in church are not really what I would like to tell you. I have written something for you, and I would like you to hear them. They are the vows I would like to take." Said Ryan once they were in the bedroom and saying this he had pulled out a piece of paper from inner pocket of his tuxedo. Unfolding it he began "I Ryan D'costa, vows to be with you in times of sickness and health, in happiness and in pain, in winters and in rain, and in sunny summers too!!" he chortled. "But more importantly, I vow to love you with every growing day. I vow to be understanding, patient and caring when the need be. I vow be patient with your mistakes, and forgiving towards your follies. I vow not to stray, I vow to be only yours. I vow to conquer your heart and your mind with only love. I vow to please you with luxury and comfort as and when it comes. Though my profession won't allow me, and we shall be separated by distance, I vow to be together, I vow to be around when you need me" he continued "I vow to kiss you when sad, make you smile when you low, please you when you need to be pleased, comforted and cared when you are hurt. I vow to grow in your love. I vow to build a home out of a house, a home that shall truly be ours. I vow an eternity of togetherness, I vow an eternity filled with love." He concluded and looked up at Seema, whose eyes were now moist and no sooner than a second he had finished, she had thrown his arms around him and hugged him.
The next morning, they had left for their honeymoon, to Goa. They chose Goa for two reasons, it was nearby and the other, it was a beach place. Ryan was bored of being amidst the mountains always, he was always posted in the hilly terrain, and a beach would be a much needed change for him. So Goa it was. It was only a short honeymoon of 6 nights and 5 days. But it was the only time that they had got with themselves, for Ryan was supposed to report to duty day after. So they had made the most of it. Every evening of their honeymoon, they would spend walking on the beach, hand in hand talking at length about so many things. First, about his school days, how he chose to enter the defence, how difficult it had been to convince his parents. Then he spoke of his parents and about how they need to be taken care of, their expectations from their daughter-in-law, their likes their dislikes. Soon the topic shifted to his workplace, Ryan told Seema about the conditions they live in, his training days, his adventures and his blunders too. He told about his comrades in his squad, about each and everybody. He spoke of Sameer, his best buddy, and how good they had bonded since day one. He mentioned every single thing that he could remember of. Seema patiently heard, and wondered how difficult life must be to live in a condition like that, and more importantly how it would be to always be under someone's order and command, to be disciplined. At the same moment, she felt proud of her husband and as soon as the feeling had entered, it was replaced by a little fear. Images of war had jus flashed in front of her. She shook her head to shake those images off. Seema didn't want to even speak of a topic like war and its consequences. Seema just loved listening to her husband and told very less about her, she would always rather be playful with him, teasing him no end. Seema always loved the way Ryan would hold her, by the waist, it made Seema feel secure and loved at the same time. It just reassured her that how much he loved her.
The days of honeymoon told Seema more about Ryan, as a person, but it is only at night she saw Ryan, the lover. Passion in his eyes, always. His love seemed truer every growing night, as if he nurtured it through the day and it blossomed at night, spreading its fragrance, enticing Seema, making her fall in love more than ever. She was content that she had made the right choice.
It was their last night in Goa. They sat by the beach in their resting chairs. "I refuse to let you go. You can't go. How can you? What am I supposed to do here when you are away there, polishing your Gun, rifle or whatever? Please don't go." Seema demanded. Ryan laughed, cupped her hand in his palms and said "you are so cute, you know. My sweet little baby." "stop babying me, its not funny. I am gonna miss you. Its freaking me out already." Seema cried. Ryan got on his knees, sat besides her chair, held her hand and said "I know you'll miss me. I know its freaking you out. It's freaking me out too, I am gonna miss you a hell lot. But I am a little helpless soldier, I must go. And its only a good bye till we meet again. Its only a matter of 6 months baby and I'll be back. Do you want me to quit? I wish I could, but I am bound." As soon as he had finished saying this, he just re thought what he had just said, Quit? He had never thought of it until now, never. It was his passion. He thought it over again but he didn't find a reason why he had said so, he didn't find a reason at all, but then it had occurred to him, he was in love, he was. But there was still a question that was writhing in his mind, a question that was troubling him since a few days now.
"I am more than glad you said that. But no, don't quit. I'll be ok. And you better not forget your vows, or I'll spank you. Get that??" Seema said playfully, and they both laughed. That night they made most passionate love. Made love as if there was no tomorrow. They made love in candle light. Steamy, passionate love.
Next morning, they left for Mumbai, and reached home. Ryan rested for a while, and simply took his army bag, checked his stuff and packed it again. Seema had hugged him for one last time and had said with tears in her eyes "you better remember your vows, or you know" she came closer to him and whispered in his ears "I'll spank you". He had laughed and kissed her on the forehead. The army jeep had come to pick him up at the gate. Punctuality was their virtue. As soon as they had come, they left, and Seema was seen long waving, till the jeep was no more in sight.
First few weeks were very tough to pass by, it seemed to Seema that time refused to move. It was still. She had received only one call from Ryan and that was after he had reached there. After that 2 weeks has passed and there was no call. She was more than angry. It was just then that the army courier person knocked at the door with a small looking parcel for her. She signed the receipt in hurry and a grin had jus appeared on her face and she tore the cover like a eager teenager wanting to know the contents of the wrapped gift. The parcel had a few photographs of him, and a letter. She kept asides the photographs for later, but jus tore the envelope open and unfolded the letter. The page bore emblem of the Indian Army in the centre and Ryan's name on the top left corner. A sense of pride had just visited Seema.
My darling sweetheart,
Sorry, sorry sorry, very sorry my baby. I know its been 2 weeks since I am here and I haven't called you since but once. But there's nothing I can do you know. The weather is bad here and the phone lines have been disconnected. I am really sorry that I couldn't call. So I sit at 3 in the morning now to write this letter to my beautiful wife.
Well, in case you haven't seen the photographs and haven't noticed the letter head carefully. I have been promoted a rank up. I so miss all of you. And I miss you the most, because there's no one who can
give me the reward I need ;) So to celebrate my promotion, Sameer has organized a small party at the army canteen. It'll be fun I know. But I'll miss you too. Sameer seems to be more happy than me you know, I doubt its my promotion he's glad about or he's glad about the fact that he'll get to drink and be merry.
I need to tell you, how much I miss you. How much I remember the nights in Goa! I do remember the days too…. But it's the nights that I remember more, I miss you more because I know now there's someone who awaits me back home, there's someone who really cares, someone who loves me, though you have never told me that you do. Do you love me? I know you do and you will never need to say it, cos I just know. I miss those tickling sessions, when you used to tickle me till I had tears in my eyes out of laughing. I miss you honey. I miss you a ton. I want to come back right now and hug you straight and just tell you how much I love you.
I hope you'll understand that time is a constraint here and we are always on the move. It's difficult for me to write to you. But whenever time permits, I shall surely try to write to you. I can only say that this distance is terrible, it only makes me grow more fond of you. Love you baby.
Please give a hug to mom on my behalf, and tell Dad that I am fine and I reached safely. That I guess would be his primary worry. Take care of them. I miss all of you. Do tell them
Lots of Love and Lots of ….. XXX
She read and re read the letter twice and was happy the whole day. Then she showed the photographs to Mom and Dad and they were as proud as she was. They were soon sent for framing and all relatives were informed of Ryan's promotion.
A week passed by and she realized that she hadn't met or spoken to Alicia since the time she was back from Honeymoon. She informed Mom and Dad that she'll be back soon. She reached Alicia's place by afternoon and Alicia like always took ages to open the door. Once the door opened, Alicia screamed at Seema "BITCH!!!, now you miss me, don't you? Now that your husband is back to his loving army, you remember Alicia." Seema just couldn't control laughing, she got in and just hugged her and said "Sorry babes, it was just too good, to remember you, and why should I ? It was my honeymoon, for God's sake, why would I even miss you?" They both laughed.
"So how have you been Seema? I need not ask actually, I can see the fucking glow, rather the glow cos of the 'fucking'….." she chortled. Alicia was just as corny as she could get, "Just tell me the details Seema, tell me tell me tell me, rest of life's tyrannies can take a back seat for the moment. Tell me how was it?" Alicia literally prodded and pestered Seema into submission. Seema told the details of her honeymoon to a pair of eager ears and a pair of surprised eyes and wide gaping open mouth. She obviously skipped the most intimate details and yet Alicia had this look like that of an teenage girl, a girl who has just got to know the juiciest bits of somebody's life. "It was too good, Alicia. Beyond good I would say.", Seema told.
"Yeah, bitch I am sure, all your fantasies and straight out of Mills & Boons story is coming true, isn't it?" Alicia had replied matter of factly. "I am really happy for you, a little envious too, cos Ryan is hot. Girl I am genuinely happy for you." Saying this she had hugged Seema. They continued to talk till late in the evening. Alicia as usual was speaking of her boyfriend Austin, about how he wouldn't even kiss her before marriage, how unreasonable he was time, yet she would end up saying that he's the most loving guy she had ever met. She had always loved the pair of them, yet she was not very fond of Austin, for he was unemployed and didn't really look as good as Alicia did. She remembered the day of her wedding, and thought that Alicia and Sameer definitely made a much better pair.
Alicia returned home, after a while. She dined with Mom and Dad and sat with them for a while before going back to her bedroom. There she again reread the letter she received from Ryan and she easily slipped into sleep with a smile on her face. That night she dreamt of they both making love again. She only woke up to realize how good a dream it was and suddenly a pang of longing struck her. But she forced her to sleep again.
Months had flown by and Seema always followed the same rut and routine of her life, at times cursing it, at times enjoying it and at times just for the sake of it. But now it was only a month left and Ryan would be coming after a month. 29 days to be precise. She wanted them to pass fast, so much so that she would do everything in a paced manner and go to bed early too, as if that would make the days fly, shorten or simply vanish.
There, in the valleys, Ryan too was extremely eager to return. He had deliberated over thoughts of leaving earlier than the date prescribed for him to leave, but then that would mean not being able to meet Sameer before he left. Sameer was on leave, and Ryan would be relieved only when Sameer would return. There were still 4 more days for Sameer to return. And if Ryan left earlier, it would definitely bother Sameer. The next couple of days were a little uneasy, Ryan couldn't concentrate and the same disturbing thoughts kept keeping across his mind. The thoughts that had been disturbing him since a few months now.
Sameer had returned from his leave, but they hardly got any time to meet, sit and talk. So Sameer had decided to come and drop him in the army jeep to the station. He had taken along a small bag to give Ryan, which had some food for the journey and a small parcel. Train was waiting on the platform, it would take him to Delhi to the nearest airport. "Ok, this is for you, small grub, and some more. You take care and have a happy journey. And ofcourse I shall miss you buddy!" he had said, hugging Ryan. Ryan was only surprised that this was the only sentence Sameer had managed to speak since the time they had got into the jeep. That was all he wanted to say. It was a little akward, Ryan wanted to ask more, but then he had decided against it.
He got into the train but didn't look back to wave at Sameer. The train moved and Ryan searched for his seat. He located it, just exactly in middle of the coach, a side lower berth. Ryan gazed out of the window, reminiscing and replaying a thought in his head. But he decided that he'll not think of that ever again. He had left it long back, only wanting to erase it.
He opened the bag Sameer had given, and pulled out the stuff to eat. He also noticed that there was a letter addressed to him in the bag, he chose to open it later. He infact fought with himself to open it, because the way Sameer had behaved, he didn't want to read the letter. But he did. He unfolded the letter, and read the letter in a hurry first, and then he read it slowly again. By the time the letter ended, he could only feel for Sameer, there was nothing he could do now, he couldn't return and rectify his mistake and he didn't want to. It was better left it at that. He quietly folded the letter and slipped the letter in his own bag. Closed his eyes and let the moistness of the eyes evaporate somehow. He was now just missing Seema, Seema's thought visitied him. But the moistness still remained.
He reached Delhi the next morning and rushed to the airport in a taxi. The flight announcements were made, he was just in time. He rushed to check in and it was all done in a jiffy. He was glad he made it on time.
Flight landed Mumbai and he wished he had the army jeep to receive him and drop him home. But that wasn't going to happen. He had to take a taxi and he did. He was a day earlier than what he had told. He wanted to surprise Seema.
Once the taxi dropped him, he rushed home and rang the bell. No sooner than the door had opened, Ryan had flung into Seema's arms "I love you so much" he whispered in her ear. She was so pleasantly surprised that she didn't have any words to say at all. She was just too happy to say anything at all. "SURPRISED? SHOCKED?" Ryan asked Seema. "Absolutely. Wow, this is awesome!!! So cute of you. Welcome home dear." Seema said. "where's mom and dad?" he enquired, to which she replied "they have gone to Natalie's wedding. She's getting married to her long time beau, Roger.". Roger and Ryan had been childhood friends, though not close, Ryan seemed pleased to know about him.
She just couldn't contain her excitement. They had lunch together and kept talking all afternoon. Ryan had so many stories to tell, about everything. He wanted to tell her everything, but he had held back a thing that was troubling him, but he was sure that sooner or later he'll break it to her. He couldn't live with it.
After dinner, Ryan spoke to Mom and Dad at length, and Seema still listened with rapt attention. Then they both got back to their bedroom and hugged each other tight, as tight as they could. "There hasn't been a single day that I haven't missed you, you know. Its only me who knows how terrible this loneliness has been. I missed you no end Ryan. And there was nothing at all I could do about it. When your letter came, I wished I was there with you, to celebrate, to tell you how proud I am of you." Seema almost choked. "Hey, baby now don't cry, I am back, I missed you too honey. Its just that I can't put my feelings in words now. I have so much to tell, but I am sure you'll understand without me saying anything. I missed you, I really did" Ryan said. But he realized that though it was the truth there was some amount of guilt-laced lie in it. He had decided that he would tell her all about it, but only when the opportune time comes, only when he deems it correct. But he shall surely tell her. That night again they made passionate love, curling into each other, tangled legs, laced fingers and a lot of ecstasy had filled the sheets. For Seema, Ryan was the most understanding person she had met, a sensitive man who cared and loved her no end. Its not because he made great love, but she knew him as a person, he knew all about his heart now. For her, Ryan was a perfect husband she could ever ask for. There was no doubting that. There was never a second opinion regarding that fact.
Next morning, he got up late, and searched for Seema besides him, but she was already up in the kitchen. They had breakfast together and he headed back to his room for a bath. A while later she started unpacking his bag. She sorted the good clothes from the bad ones and kept them aside for washing. As she picked up the pile of clothes, a envelope dropped, envelope that was addressed to Ryan. She opened it and unfolded the letter. It was from Sameer.
I can't rectify any of it I know. But I didn't mean for you to quit. Because it's me who has faltered, I think. It's not your fault. I don't know why it happened, and how it happened again. But you must agree, that I wasn't the only one who had started it. We were attracted to each other. We were new then I know, and the first time was a mistake, and we should have stopped then. But why did you care for me so much even after that, even after that kiss why did you let me so close to you, why did you bother to be around? That kiss wasn't when I was drunk, nor were you. What was it then? I only remember that I was the first one to make the move, and you had resisted but only once. And then you had given up. But then when I was wounded why did you again come so close, there was no physical intimacy between us, but the way you cared for me, nobody else ever did, I had many a boyfriends, but no one ever has been so close to me as you have. Why Ryan why? And then suddenly you decided to get married, out of nowhere. As if none of it had ever happened. You never brought it up. It was then I decided to put up a mask, decided to play along, because you had decided that you had to. And I guess you did choose correctly. You and Seema do make a wonderful pair. So I was your best man, because you wanted me to be. And when you returned back married, you seemed to be more than happy. I had then decided to just maintain the distance.
Ryan, then why again, that day at the party, you caught my eye. I was drunk, but you weren't. Why did you choose to take me to your room and why did that happen, I still wonder? You always have been more than a friend to me Ryan. With you my days, in this Godforsaken army dingy place have been better. Ryan, as a friend you have given me a lot. As a friend, I owe you a lot. When I sit back and wonder if you have taken a right decision to quit, I don't have an answer. Did you fear that it might happen again? I don't know. All I know is that I too was more than a friend for you, you just refrained. Now that you have decided to quit, I shall not stop you, nor call you back. I guess its more than right, cos you seem more than happy with her. I hope you are.
Please tear this off as soon as you read it. I don't want it to get into wrong hands. I don't want to be a reason. Now that you have decided to paint your life all over again, I am not gonna be stopping you, just wishing you luck and saying you sorry. Sorry for I never meant wrong.
PS: Please tear it off.
As soon as she had finished reading the letter, she writhed with anger, a lot of emotions suddenly filled her. Anger being the most prominent. Ryan straying away with some pretty girl, charming that he his, had occurred to her a couple of times. But never in her nightmares did she realize that her husband would stray for another man. Never. All her love had suddenly vanished and images of Sameer and Ryan crossed her mind. Heartbroken she felt, she felt betrayed, cheated and disgusted now.
Ryan got out of the bathroom and saw her crying with the letter still tightly clutched in her hand.
He opened his mouth to speak something but he knew there was nothing left to explain now. It was a secret that had slipped, or rather a secret that had peeped outside on its own. He felt exceedingly foolish at his mistake of leaving the letter behind in his bag. It was thoughtless of him to do so. But the damage was done and he knew it was beyond repair.
He went and sat besides Seema. As soon as he sat, Seema got up and Ryan knew that she was so angry that she could hit him with whatever she could lay her hand on. But she flustered and sat on the floor weeping. Ryan wanted to console her, but a lot of guilt had creeped in him, he himself felt disgusted to even console her, to touch her. But he did.
"How dare you touch me? How dare you? Just go away. I don't need any explanation. Don't even try to get close to me?" Seema said angrily. Ryan still tried to comfort her in vain. Seema had changed her tone now, she was angry yet firm, as if she had got a grip on the situation. "For now just don't come close, just go away. Leave me alone. I don't want to listen to a word. I don't want you around. Do whatever but please don't stay here. Just go. Or else I'll have to call your mom and dad and tell them everything." , Seema threatened.
Ryan got up to leave, but instead he went and locked the door and stood in a corner of the room, and in a low and weepy voice began to speak, but soon started gaining control over himself. "I know you don't want me to be here, and if you don't want, I shall not be. But before anything crosses your mind, I want you to listen to me, for once just listen to me. Please listen to me.
The letter speaks nothing but the truth, and I am guilty, I know and I accept it. But mere acceptance won't set things right, I know that too. For you, you might feel that me explaining anything, is not going to change the past, I too know that it wont, but I assure you that this wouldn't happen in the future. Ever. I need to tell you one thing, that I have left it far behind, and I am a changed man now. I am ridden with guilt, and I know I have wronged, and nothing can change it, but I want you to know that I am sorry. There's a lot more than I can say. But to you, at this moment everything would seem a fallacy, an irrational thought, a mindless speech. But what I say now is nothing but the truth. I have decided to leave my mistake far behind, I have decided to quit my job there and leave all that happened there, buried there. I am sorry. I really am."
Saying this Ryan sat to the ground, staring at the ceiling, tears flowing from his eyes. Seema had started packing her bag, stuffing her clothes, ready to leave.
Seema first thought of going to her parents house, but decided against it. She thought, explaining parents would be easy, but how they would take it that their son-in-law had strayed for another man, is what bothered Seema the most. Then she thought of Alicia, her best friend.
She reached Alicia's house and rang the bell. It took Alicia 5 minutes to open the door and when she opened she seemed groggy, and said "what man, why have you come to my place bitch? That too with a bag? You remember Alicia when your hubby is not there, or now, when you have fought with him!!!!" Alicia jokingly said. Seema had got in by then, and sat on the couch and started crying. Alicia closed the door and came closer to seema "What's the matter dear, what happened?" Alicia asked curiously. "Wait I'll get water for you" saying this Alicia went to the kitchen and fetched a glass of water.
Seema gathered herself and explained all of it to Alicia. When she was done explaining, the look on Alicia's face was that of disbelief, and disgust at the same time. She then just sat back silently, wondering what she could tell her friend, to console her. What could she possibly say, to a woman whose husband has strayed not for a woman but a man? But at the same time, that man had accepted that he had wronged and quit everything, to get back to her, to her wife. This was something that made Alicia think.
"What do you think the truth is? I mean you think it's Ryan's fault really? As I see it, he's got back. Got back to you. He realizes his mistake. Maybe it was a mistake. And Seema you shouldn't forget that he's come back to you, and maybe he wanted to tell you and so he had kept the letter with him. And Seema, I need not remind you, I may be curt but I should tell you, you too have a past, that you have conveniently decided to bury and move on. Think about it. " Alicia told Seema. Seema stared at Alicia, as if she had brought a real skeleton out of closet.
At night, they went to sleep. But Seema couldn't sleep. Thoughts kept visiting her no end.
It's difficult to digest the truth, especially when it slaps you hard in the face. It's difficult when you are handed over the toughest and most unexpected question paper, and you see no solution to it. I would be lying if I would say that I never thought that Ryan could have an extra marital affair. Such thoughts do cross a girls mind if her husband is charming. But Ryan straying for Sameer, is what I hadn't ever dreamt of.
The time when Ryan was away, I would think of how caring he was when we were together and how loving, and gentle he was while making love. He did that with so much of passion. He listened to whatever I had to say, and gave his honest opinions when I wanted. He just was so caring, and comforting. He could easily lessen my worries with ease. How I had decided firmly that he's the perfect husband. But now, why have I been put in such a situation? But he has quit his job and got back to me. Maybe he really means it now. Maybe he'll never go back. Maybe it really was a mistake. Maybe he really was sorry. Maybe. It's a bad word. It leaves you on this no mans land. You are neither on this side, neither on that. Conveniently in the middle. But for now, this is the only path that seems correct.
Seema thought to herself. She had decided to let her mind rest and she went off to sleep with great difficulty.
"Alicia, I am sorry but I need to stay for a few more days, maybe weeks. If you don't mind, Can I?" Seema asked Alicia. "Seema, you need not ask. I more than understand. I hope you did think about whatever I said. I wish the best for you. My opinions might or might not help you to decide, but I just want you to decide keeping certain things in mind. I hope you'll understand and take a decision that's wise."
Ryan there was being questioned by his parents about Seema's whereabouts, but he didn't have any convincing answers for them. They were convinced only when he lied to them that she's gone to her parents house. Ryan had no clue what he could do. He wanted to look for Seema but going to her parents and what if she wasn't there….he wouldn't have an answer for her parents too. So he first decided to call Alicia. He got to know Seema was there, and from Alicia's tone, Ryan understood that Alicia knew. "I am sorry. I am. I don't want you to tell that to her. But I want you to know. I don't expect you to understand. I am just sorry. Please take care of her that this had to happen. Sorry." Saying this Ryan hung up the phone.
Ryan was clueless about what he wanted to do now. He was sure of one thing. There was no returning back, either to the army or back to Sameer. He wouldn't. He had promised himself.
It was difficult for Seema, to reach a conclusion, a decision that she seemed correct, didn't make any appearance in her mind at all. She spent all day doing menial jobs at Alicia's place and the nights she would be sleepless, staring at the fan so much so that, she would only sleep when she felt dizzy from it. Thoughts kept rushing in and out of her mind. The only thing that seemed possible to her was to let things flow with time, maybe time would show her the way, or so she felt.
It was close to a month, and Ryan so badly wanted to speak to Seema and ask her to return. He went to Alicia's place and it was only Alicia who had opened the door. Alicia was perplexed, she didn't know whether to ask him to come in or to ask him to leave. "I have been wanting to talk to Seema since long, but I don't know if she would ever talk to me. I just want you to tel her that I had come to speak to her and I really care for her and yes I miss her a lot. Alicia, I can't really explain you anything, nor can I say how much I regret, but I just want you to pass this on to her. Will you?" saying this Ryan handed over a letter to Alicia. Ryan didn't wait for Alicia's reply, he just left.
Closing the door behind her, Alicia rushed to Seema "I don't know what to say Seema, but Ryan really looked terrible, he had come to meet you, but I guess he knew you wouldn't. Anyway, he's left this for you." She handed over the envelope to Seema.
Seema just took it from her and kept it away. She didn't feel like reading it, or even knowing what did Ryan want to say. So she just left it under the pillow, with the thought of reading it later. But the same night she felt a strong urge to read it.
Dear Seema,
Its been 24 days now, that you are away. No matter how much sorry I say, it won't change a thing. But I still say sorry, cos I mean it. I mean it completely. I write this letter in the midst of the night, after a day that I have spent analyzing every bit of my mistake and regretting every moment of it.
I have been trying to erase every memory of it, every sign of it. Not a moment passes by when I don't think of how much hurt I have caused, and how much agonizingly painful it has been to you. I am sorry for all of it, and I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
All I need is one chance to make up for my mistake. One and only chance is all I need to correct myself. And then I shall give you no chance or reason to complain
I can't tell you to come back, but I want you to. Not because you must, but because I love you. Its because I love you, that I am hopeful that you shall return. Its because I love you, I am holding on. Its because I love you, I am waiting.
.Love,
Ryan.
She quietly folded the letter and went off to sleep with a thought in her mind. It were not Ryan's words but Alicia's You too have a past, that you have conveniently decided to bury and move on. Think about it. Suddenly her words seemed to make so much sense. Seema thought over it, and she knew Alicia was not wrong, Seema too had a past, that she had buried long ago and moved on, conveniently forgetting it, infact erasing it that she hadn't even thought of mentioning it to Ryan, ever. It was then that Seema thought of Ryan's letter that she had received when he was there and what he had written I am a changed person now, you know. I need to tell you in detail about the changed part, it's a little thing that I need to tell you, but now is not the time. I shall tell you when I am back.
When we falter, we always want to correct ourselves. But sometimes even with our best intentions we can't. Yet Ryan had made those efforts to correct himself. He had quit and he had comeback to Seema. And maybe he really wanted to tell her about it. Maybe he was looking for the opportune time to break it to her. A time when he thought she could really understand, if not understand listen to his version in a way, that was not angry. Seema hadn't really heard his version that day, maybe she did, but nothing had registered. Maybe. Seema thought that he deserved a chance, atleast a chance to correct him, everybody needs a chance, she thought. She had decided to return.
Next morning at the coffee table Seema spoke to Alicia, "I think I am ready to return to him. I thought about what you said, my past and how I have buried it conveniently. I too have a past which I don't wish to reveal, ever. For me too it was a mistake. And I conveniently decided to bury it. And move on, without once looking back. It would be ungrateful and mean on my part if I let him go, he too has faltered, but unlike me he's so ready to accept. He's so meaningfully clear about it. He has erased it or atleast he's trying to. Maybe he's not that good with words, but somewhere I know he really is very apologetic about the whole thing. I am not sure, if I would be able to love him the way I did earlier, but I am ready to turn a new leaf.,like trying to fall in love all over again. Maybe I'll start by being friends with him. I think he needs a friend for now. Love will happen eventually. I think I should just bury everything like he has. I shall."
"But I need to thank you, for all that you have done. And most importantly thank you for reminding me that I am not perfect, and I too had once faltered. It cleared the haze more than anything else did. Without you, I wouldn't have quite made it dear" Seema concluded.
Alicia bellowed. "Don't give me sentimental crap, you better not. I just told you the truth. And hello? You don't need to thank me. You better behave." Saying this Alicia laughed.
"Ok bitch, I won't!" Seema said. Alicia kept nodding while texting on her cell.
"I shall miss you and your coffee." Seema told.
Alicia replied "Yeah, right! As if you stay so far that you won't be able to pick your fat ass upto my place for cofeee. You better keep coming or else I'll have to ask Ryan to throw you out of the house now and then!"
"That would not happen, he's promised to behave. And he said he'll not give me a chance to complain" Seema said mockingly.
"That seems pretty promising though." Alicia laughed again.
There was a knock on the door, and Alicia asked Seema to open the door for her. Seema did.
It was Ryan. "Alicia asked me to come, everything alright? Are you OK?", he asked. He waited for a reply.
Seema was surprised at Ryan's arrival. It was Alicia who had texted him to come but had not said why.
"She needs a divorce." Alicia bellowed from the kitchen. Seema was shocked. Ryan was terrified "No, please don't do that. Please don't. I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It was a mistake. You need to believe me. It was."
Alicia was at the kitchen door, seeing Ryan pleading. She broke into a laughter and so did Seema. Seema just couldn't control breaking into a smile. She laughed too.
Ryan was perplexed seeing both of them laugh.
"I was kidding. I was so joking. But it was so good to see you plead like that." Alicia said.
At the mere mention of word kidding, Ryan looked furious and relieved at the same time.
Seema just stood there. Waiting for Ryan to take her back. But instead he went to Alicia.
"I would have killed you, if it was true." Ryan said to Alicia.
He turned to go to Seema, but he felt Alicia tapping him and calling him back "Do take care of her, she's a little broken. It'll take time to mend. Nurture with patience. Be a friend. Hope you understand" Alicia told Ryan. Ryan nodded approvingly.
Alicia came to Seema and hugged her. She whispered in her ears. "You saw him. He pleaded. He really loves you. Take my word. He really does and I can say that. Forgive him if you can. And if possible, forget his mistake too. He loves you dearly." For maybe the first time Seema had seen Alicia's eyes moist. Seema smiled and whispered "Thank you for everything."
Ryan took Seema's bag and wanted to hug her but he remembered what Alicia told him. It'll take time to mend. Nurture with patience. Be a friend.
And so he did.
Labels: Ajinkya Raut, Short Story 2013, Short Story 2013 Longlist


Audizine Forums > Main Model-Line Discussion > B5 A4 > Why wont the guage cluster turn off?
View Full Version : Why wont the guage cluster turn off?
My guage cluster (the LCD info, odometer, trip, time, ect) stays on almost 100% of the time when the car is off. Why is this? I have seen if go off a few times though.
It turns out once you turn the car off and take out the key they go off, but as soon as you open the door to get out they turn back on?????
sounds about right to me..
Ya I've noticed every time I unlock the car and open the door my trip-ometer (?) and odometer turn on. I don't have an LCD screen on mine, but I always assumed that those would go out after a while after I locked the car and walked away.
Hmm, ive never actually looked to see if it was off before i unlock the car... I will check today.


In Reporting Services' Report Manager you can export reports as Excel, CSV, PDF, and other formats. But what if you want to add a watermark to every PDF? Or, change an exported Excel's sheet names from 'Sheet2' to something meaningful? Or do any kind of processing for that matter on an existing (built-in) Rendering Extension?
This article shows how to make an SQL Server Reporting Services (SSRS) Rendering Extension that can change the output of other renderers before it is sent to the client - in this case, it compresses one or more reports in a .zip file.
There's also a general explanation of deployment and troubleshooting that is useful for any Rendering Extension. I have tried to make things as clear and complete as possible. Some documentation on deployment is out there but spread out all over the place (particularly on MSDN). This article should help anyone get started with Rendering Extensions.
In one of my projects I created a report that contained tens of megabytes of data. This report was later scheduled to be sent daily via e-mail. That is of course way too large to e-mail, but if you want to send data to customers you often have no choice.
So I started looking for a smaller alternative. The smallest existing export available is .CSV, however you can only export data structured as tables in a .CSV file. Also dealing with .CSVs is just not practical except when you set up automated data transfer.
Then I read this excellent article about rendering extensions by one of my fellow countrymen: http://www.broes.nl/2011/02/pdf-watermarkbackground-rendering-extension-for-ssrs-part-1/ This article details the modification of an exported pdf (watermark).
So I thought, if you can change a pdf, surely you can also zip the output and return a zip file? The basic idea of this ZipRenderer is the same: Get a reference to an existing renderer, make it render a report. Get the output and do something with it.
Although the article on broes.nl is a great start (and I recommend you read it, too) there were still a lot of things to find out. For example, the PdfRenderer that was available in 2005, isn't anymore from 2008 onward, so the method from the article doesn't work anymore.
Open the appropriate project for your environment. The 2012 project is usable for both SSRS 2008 and 2012. Because this is a normal .NET assembly project, BIDS is not necessary.
all of these are in [SQL Reporting Services folder]\ReportServer\Bin\ on the SQL Server machine. I found it easiest to copy the entire contents of that bin folder to the development machine for investigation and future use in extensions.
For the zip functionality we need the DotNetZip library: http://dotnetzip.codeplex.com/releases Download the latest Runtime, extract Ionic.Zip.dll from one of the bin/Release folders (zip-v#.# contains the normal Zip compression) and add a reference to Ionic.Zip.dll.
Move ZipRenderer.dll and Ionic.Zip.dll from the output folder to [SQL Reporting Services folder]\ReportServer\Bin\.
You may notice there are a -lot- of other dlls in the output folder. These are all reportserver related and do not need to be copied to the reportserver. (In fact, they originated there).
For extensions and custom assemblies that you develop, it is recommended that you place your custom code groups directly below the existing entry for the URL membership "$CodeGen$/*"
This is an UrlMembershipCondition that uses a path, or URL, to the DLL. Remember to change the above Url to the correct path to ZipRenderer.dll!
You can also use a StrongNameMembershipCondition, see Broes' article part 2 again. It takes some more actions to set up. Take a look there if you want to deploy your assembly in that way.
Finally, restart Reporting Services service to apply the changes to the .config files.
*newer versions of SSRS detect changes to the config files and automatically restart / reconfigure the service. This is visible in the Application Event log as an Information event like "The RSReportServer.config file has been modified".
Now if everything is set up OK, you should see the extension show up as "Zipped excel" in the export drop down menu when you run a report. If that is the case, congratulations, you have just deployed the extension. Click the export link and you will download a zip file containing a .xls.
If the extension does not show up at all, most likely the configuration files were not changed correctly (wrong path to ZipRenderer.dll), the files were not saved to disk or not applied. Make sure they are saved, then restart SQL Server reporting services. In SSRS 2005 it might also help to restart the entire website from IIS.
Also check the Application Event log for error messages such as "Report Server (MS SQL Server) cannot load the ZIPEXCEL extension." which will point you in the right direction. There may be useful information in the stack trace of ASP.NET Warning events nearby the Error event.
Check the latest log files folder in [Reporting Services Folder]\LogFiles. Sort by date modified and open the latest log files. Then scroll down and look for a stack trace.
If you get a Server error page when selecting ZipExcel, you can also find details in the page itself. Open the report page on the server to see the error details if they aren't shown.
Select Tools - Attach to Process.
If you cannot run Visual Studio on the server, you can use Remote Debugging. How to set it up is explained here on MSDN: Remote Debugging Setup. How much work this is depends on your server configuration. I'll leave that for other dedicated articles to explain.
Now.. finally it is time for all the nifty bits of code in the project. The actual zipping process in the code is quite small - it is getting to the renderers and the right datastreams that's a challenge.
One of my main concerns at first was how to get to the output from other built-in renderers, especially the ExcelRenderer. In SSRS 2005, 2008 and 2012 the Excel renderer is public in the Microsoft.ReportingServices.ExcelRendering namespace.
So far so good, you can add ExcelRenderer to your references, instantiate it and make it render some reports. However: ExcelRenderer does not behave nicely; it closes the MemoryStream you give it from the CreateAndRegisterStream callback. There's no way to get the results. Even ToArray() on the MemoryStream does not work: only part of the excel file is returned and the rest chopped off so you end up with a corrupt file if you try to write it.
I'm no Stream expert but I think it's behaving this way because the Excelrenderer calls the CreateAndRegisterStream multiple times; once for every sheet or embedded image.
After a lot of hair-pulling I decided to just subclass MemoryStream to stop the ExcelRenderer from closing my MemoryStreams. A simple solution, but it worked quite well!
This stream will not close until you allow it to.. So with this class in place you can pass instances of it to the ExcelRenderer in the CreateAndRegisterStream callback and still read the contents later.
With the MemoryStream issue solved, something also needs to be done about the multiple streams the ExcelRenderer needs.
The renderer's CreateAndRegisterStream is called only once with the StreamOper.CreateAndRegister parameter value. That is the main Stream that contains all of the excel contents in the end so that is the one we will store as RegisteredStream.
Below the Excel version of CreateAndRegisterStream.
// the results of the intermediate render-step later.
The parameter "configuration" contains the Inner xml of the <Configuration> tag from rsreportserver.config.
The IRenderingExtension.Render method also has a configuration parameter called deviceInfo, a NameValueCollection. DeviceInfo is also a configuration item from rsreportserver.config, but simplified: It contains every direct child of <DeviceInfo> and its XmlNode.InnerText as the value.
UPDATE: Added support for deviceInfo parameters as settings for the zipmodule. See chapter below this one.
For the zip renderer I have set up a configuration format that allows for multiple SubRenderers - as I call them - to be wrapped in the zip file, AND they can have their own separate DeviceInfo configuration. The contents of each <SubRenderer> are passed through to their respective Renderer objects and used as Configuration string.
//An invalid SubRenderer format was used.
// and the ReportViewer renderer will keep waiting for each other. Deadlock.
The actual SubRenderer is determined in SubRenderer.CreateSubRenderer(…).
Note that the InnerXml of the SubRenderer nodes is passed through unchanged to the SubRenderer; this may or may not contain extra DeviceInfo. The SubRenderers are responsible for parsing their own configuration string.
CompressionLevel, CompressionMethod, Strategy, Comment, EnableZip64, IgnoreCase, Encryption and Password.
The configuration items do not need to be present however if you enable Encryption, you must also enter a Password value.
In SSRS 2005 you can use the built-in PdfRenderer just like the ExcelRenderer because it is public.
No such luck in SSRS 2008 (R2) / 2012, though. Microsoft has made the PdfRenderer an internal sealed class, so you have to resort to Reflection methods to reach it. Yes, you heard right. Below is the code necessary to do so.
// Initialize the PDF renderer. it is an internal sealed class but we can still get to it using..Reflection!
//This is code for the Sql Server 2012 assembly.
//Replace Version=11.0.0.0 by Version=10.0.0.0 and you are good to go for 2008.
The trick to this is that at the end the pdfRenderer is cast to the interface IRenderingExtension. Unless you want to use pdfRender-specific functions, this is where reflection ends. Good thing, too.
With this code in place the PDF watermark becomes possible in SSRS 2008/2012 !
For every built-in renderer we need to get a reference to the SSRS renderer class. There are also all kinds of issues with streams to address. You may think: can't you tell the report server to create the report and then get it back?
Well, we can: with a call to the ReportExecutionService or reportserver URL Access. But, the server has already provided us with our report data: in the report parameter of the IRenderingExtension.Render method. It would be a waste to do nothing with this and rerun the entire report, wouldn't it?
In Subscriptions there is no SessionID available. Without a SessionID the ReportViewerWebControl cannot be used to render a report, it doesn't know which one to render..
And, while this worked in SSRS 2005 (from the reportmanager), in SSRS 2008 it seems the engine got smart and blocks additional calls to ReportViewerWebControl; the above request will time out. I assume this is some protection against repeated requests, to safeguard server resources.
Here's a diagram to illustrate this - remember, this is all founded on observation and may not reflect the actual process.
Using the webservice / URL access may still be a viable option if you use it together with report data caching. Just set the cache expiration to a small amount like 5 minutes, just enough for the report data to be stored and reused. Just subclass SubRenderer and point to your class in CreateSubRenderer.. - I may add that myself in the future.
Other than that, the built-in renderers are the most efficient solution. You just need to code every one separately.
Nov 11, 2012 v1.0: Published first article!
I am a database-oriented software developer .. or an application-oriented database engineer, depending on the situation.
In past 7 or so years I have created stuff ranging from Windows Services to WPF, from GDI+ to SSIS packages and SSRS extensions.
My goal is to improve life and work for others - which should be the ultimate goal of any good software project.
And my articles on Codeproject can hopefully make you do the same.
I am trying to access data in Tablix control, it always have 1 data rows. But in preview it is showing actual number of rows of data. Even if I export in CSV or some other standard format, it exports all the rows which are getting displayed in report.
Quick help in this is appreciated.
Hi, I've been using the Zip Rendering Extension on various projects with great success but would like to modify the code to set document properties for excel files based on a custom value set in the device info. My C# knowledge is very limited and would love some guidance as to where to do this.
I am trying zipped excel for ssrs - 2016. But existing ssrs 2012 binaries is not working. Need yr help on the same.
Error while adding zip rendenring option in SSRS 2016.
Re: Error while adding zip rendenring option in SSRS 2016.
This issue was resolved by adding the following tag in web.config file.
Is it possible to make a Binary for SSRS 2014?
getting Failed to get url configuration section.
I have build the dll(Ziprender.dll) and placed in bin folder of rpt server and changed the config as required.
After restarting the server getting this below error :configmanager!DefaultDomain!2344!09/16/2015-06:22:49:: e ERROR: Failed to get url configuration section.
Re: getting Failed to get url configuration section.
A quick google on "Failed to get url configuration section." leads me to things that are not really related to the extension. In general it seems to have to do with a messed up configuration file.
So without any other information my advice is to check the configs in an editor capable of xml coloring/checking, see if there are any unclosed tags or quotes. Let us know if that fixes the problem or if you fixed it in another way.
Report Server (MSSQLSERVER) cannot load the SPDF extension.
I was able to create a zipped excel file with the Zipped Excel configuration. However, I could not make the password encryption work. I am using the downloadable binaries.
with="" this="" under="" "updated:="" deviceinfo="" for="" the="" zip="" process"="" section.
What would be the proper way to add encryption? Should I recompile the DLLs with some modifications on the project?
Hi, you shouldn't have to recompile the dlls to add encryption, the config section should do the trick.
There are some different versions of the dlls floating around unfortunately, my current version has an entirely different config structure which is configured this way and breaks the older dlls.
If that doesn't work, maybe you can give some more information like the full config section (without confidential information) and which dll download you have and which version of SQL server do you use?
The reportserver log of a zip download request is often very useful. See the "Troubleshooting" section for locations of various logs. It should be the latest ReportServerService__[date]_[time].log file.
Using your article i implemented this in my company Project and it worked.
It helped to save lot of manual work, So My whole project is happy now.
"Using the webservice / URL access may still be a viable option if you use it together with report data caching. Just set the cache expiration to a small amount like 5 minutes, just enough for the report data to be stored and reused. Just subclass SubRenderer and point to your class in CreateSubRenderer."
My report is set to expire once in a day, long after the subscription job and I'm still getting corrupted (broken) zip files.
Could you please elaborate more your comment on the proposed solution? By the way, i'm using the 2012 version.
Hi, thanks for your feedback. Good to hear it helps you.
About the webservice, that part was about the elusive "Generic Subrenderer". Simply put, what we would like to have ideally is a ziprenderer extension that we don't have to change for every single other extension I want to support (CSV,PDF,whatever). Currently I have a testproject that does that, but there's a problem: It runs the entire report again. You don't want that, because the data has already been gathered. That's where data caching comes in: We may be able to combine a short cache with the webservice to make SSRS not run the queries again.
Anyway. All of the above is not applicable to your situation (Unless you enabled the built-in subrenderer in the code. That one stopped working altogether from 2008 onward) I can't say yet what causes the problem in your situation.. So I suggest you remove the data caching and then see if you can make a normal subscription work, then a simple data driven subscription and work your way toward what you want.
If you can, please post some error messages from log files and/or the eventlog (see Troubleshooting) then I can have a look.
Oh yes, check also if a DDS with normal un-zipped CSV output does work so we are sure the problem is in the ZipRenderer.
Good luck, hope to see your results soon!
library!WindowsService_0!142c!02/21/2014-14:11:29:: i INFO: Schedule 2a51f4ef-986e-4c72-9133-d1a760bad485 execution completed at 02/21/2014 14:11:29.
schedule!WindowsService_0!142c!02/21/2014-14:11:29:: i INFO: Handling Event DataDrivenSubscription with data 32CE28C0-FE64-4BD4-9556-AE13015AA3DC.
library!WindowsService_0!13e8!02/21/2014-14:11:29:: i INFO: Handling data-driven subscription 32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc to report /SITRAN/NFe Produtos, owner: SEFAZ\ricardor, delivery extension: Report Server FileShare.
library!WindowsService_0!13e8!02/21/2014-14:11:29:: i INFO: Initializing EnableExecutionLogging to 'True'  as specified in Server system properties.
notification!WindowsService_0!13e8!02/21/2014-14:11:29:: i INFO: Handling subscription 32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc to report NFe Produtos, owner: SEFAZ\ricardor, delivery extension: Report Server FileShare.
library!WindowsService_0!13e8!02/21/2014-14:11:30:: i INFO: Initializing EnableExecutionLogging to 'True'  as specified in Server system properties.
library!ReportServer_0-2!1268!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!120c!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetItemTypeAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!120c!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetReportParametersAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetSubscriptionPropertiessAction(32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc).
library!ReportServer_0-2!520!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to ListChildrenAction(/, False).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to ListSchedulesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!1268!02/21/2014-14:12:37:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!126c!02/21/2014-14:12:38:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:38:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:38:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!1268!02/21/2014-14:12:38:: i INFO: Call to ListChildrenAction(/, False).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:38:: i INFO: Call to ListChildrenAction(/Data Sources, False).
library!ReportServer_0-2!126c!02/21/2014-14:12:39:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!520!02/21/2014-14:12:40:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:40:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:40:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!30c!02/21/2014-14:12:40:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!e88!02/21/2014-14:12:41:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:41:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!8cc!02/21/2014-14:12:41:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!1760!02/21/2014-14:12:49:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!126c!02/21/2014-14:12:49:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!30c!02/21/2014-14:12:49:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!7a0!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to SetSubscriptionPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!1760!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!120c!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetPermissionsAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1600!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPropertiesAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!15f8!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!520!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1760!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetItemTypeAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1760!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetReportParametersAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1268!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetSystemPermissionsAction().
library!ReportServer_0-2!1600!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetItemTypeAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1600!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to ListSubscriptionsAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, null).
library!ReportServer_0-2!1268!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetPropertiesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos, PathBased).
library!ReportServer_0-2!15f8!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetItemDataSourcesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!520!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetItemTypeAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
library!ReportServer_0-2!520!02/21/2014-14:12:50:: i INFO: Call to GetReportItemReferencesAction(/SITRAN/NFe Produtos).
schedule!WindowsService_0!1168!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Handling Event TimedSubscription with data 32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc.
library!WindowsService_0!1168!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Schedule 2a51f4ef-986e-4c72-9133-d1a760bad485 executed at 02/21/2014 14:13:09.
library!WindowsService_0!1168!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Schedule 2a51f4ef-986e-4c72-9133-d1a760bad485 execution completed at 02/21/2014 14:13:09.
schedule!WindowsService_0!15e4!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Handling Event DataDrivenSubscription with data 32CE28C0-FE64-4BD4-9556-AE13015AA3DC.
library!WindowsService_0!b20!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Handling data-driven subscription 32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc to report /SITRAN/NFe Produtos, owner: SEFAZ\ricardor, delivery extension: Report Server FileShare.
library!WindowsService_0!b20!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Initializing EnableExecutionLogging to 'True'  as specified in Server system properties.
notification!WindowsService_0!b20!02/21/2014-14:13:09:: i INFO: Handling subscription 32ce28c0-fe64-4bd4-9556-ae13015aa3dc to report NFe Produtos, owner: SEFAZ\ricardor, delivery extension: Report Server FileShare.
library!WindowsService_0!b20!02/21/2014-14:13:10:: i INFO: Initializing EnableExecutionLogging to 'True'  as specified in Server system properties.
See? Both files where saved, but the ZIP is corrupted (of course you can't see here but if you want I can send you the generated zip file).The CSV (first one) is ok. There is no error on the Application Log on event viewer either. I'm trying to setup a debug. It has to be remote because I don't have the visual studio installed on the server.
Well, I'm not always that fast as you can see..busy weekend. That log file looks good though. Is the csv also OK? not cut off in the middle of a line or something?
Maybe it is size related, is it possible for you to create a zipped smaller csv from the same raport like with a TOP ### query? If you can send me the csv and zipfile that would be helpful, but if you can't because it has company data, what is the size of the csv?
Last time I ended up with corrupt files was with Excel and different streams. If you manage to set up the debugger, that's a good place to look (the IntermediateCreateAndRegisterStreamEtcEtc classes).
Final question: you mentioned the 2012 project, on the server you have 2008(R2) or 2012?
No problem sending the files. Put them here. The CSV, the ZIP rendered on that operation logged with names D19443986_201001_201202 and Good.zip exported using the same report in on-demand processing. The "bad" ZIP is strangely bigger. It's like it didn't finished the compress process.
On the server I have both Windows Server and SQL 2012. Still coudn't fix the remote for debugging. As soon as I do will send you more info. Which version do you use on your test box? 2008 or 2012?
If you open both zip files in a text editor like Notepad++ and switch between files a little you can see they are very similar. At the end there is a part where you can see "NFe Produtos.csvPK" and then some stuff in both files, so it is not like the writing process was ended halfway.
Also the size of the corrupt file is almost double and Notepad++ tells me "Good.zip" is ANSI encoded while corrupt is UTF-8 encoded. The source csv is also UTF-8.
My test box is Win2008R2 but maybe if I can make it create the exact same csv the behaviour can be reproduced there.
on CSV renderer but both zips came corrupted. Tell me if you need any test I could do to help.
I've done some searching, It looks like we don't need the extra MemoryStream in the render method of ZipRenderingProvider. Can you change that method to this and build the project? I'm coding blind here so don't sue me if this crashes. The CountingStream is a wrapper from the zip library we need because outputStream is not seekable.
EDIT: some more info on that: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/9182623/dotnetzip-streaming[^] Oh yes, if you want to test the output from the CSV renderer, create a local file (on the server) and add a line to write buffer to that file to the while loop.
// Do the actual copying.
// and add the PDF background!
// stream by the time you even got to start reading.
// to the report object model are saved into the intermediate format."
// ... and we're obviously not doing that, are we? Are we? ARE WE?
// properties added to the ..what.. saved into ..what??? and that's all you get. So just return false indeed.
I did what you said, but still the same behavior. I put the new generated file on the same link by the name *new.zip so you can take a look if you want.
No problem, here you go. Change the first static string to a writable path on the server.
BTW it is really bad practice to hardcode these things like this and it should be removed or be made configurable when put into production.
You can overwrite the Render method with below code, including the first line.
UPDATE: Good and bad news: Tested with the above code and I can reproduce your problem in 2008R2. Unfortunately I cannot debug either because of firewall restrictions . Hope that my test server at home responds the same way so we can get to the bottom of this.
At least the debugout works properly, and the csvs from subscription debug and manual export are exactly the same, just like your example.
Well, those are great news for me. It means that it isn't a problem with 2012 only or with my server configuration.
I'm studying C# but I'm not sure I'll be able to help you very soon.


text:
Vice President Mike Pence visits Western Wall amid tensions with Palestinians
Featuring Ilan Goldenberg
Journalist Ken Thomas
JERUSALEM – Vice President Mike Pence placed his hand on the hallowed Western Wall in Jerusalem's Old City on Tuesday as he wrapped up a four-day trip to the Mideast that ended with Palestinians still fuming over the Trump administration's decision to recognize the city as Israel's capital.
On a solemn visit to the holiest site where Jews can pray, Pence tucked a small white note of prayer in the wall's cracks after touring the Yad Vashem Holocaust memorial with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
During his first trip to the region as vice president, Pence sought to enlist the help of Arab leaders in Egypt and Jordan on the Mideast peace process and used a high-profile speech to the Knesset to reaffirm President Donald Trump's decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capital and accelerate plans to open a U.S. embassy in Jerusalem.
Former Senior Fellow and Director, Middle East Security Program
Ilan Goldenberg is the former Senior Fellow and Director of the Middle East Security Program at the Center for a New American Security. He is a foreign policy and defense expe...

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


text:
Hunky Hump Day!
Today my hunky inspiration is the very handsome and talented Hrithrik Roshan, one of Bollywoods top male actors. I've been watching him for about eight years now and he is an impressive actor, playing everything from an action star to a mentally challenged boy. The only complaint I've ever had about his movies was that they weren't in English - well that has changed with the release of his new movie, Kites. It was filmed in both Bollywood style and Hollywood style - meaning one version is in Hindi and the other in English! Also the Hindi version will have more singing and dancing, typical of Bollywood films. That's probably why I love them so. And Hrithrik can DANCE!!
Aside from doing what he does, he has been an inspiration to me as a romance writer in depicting smokey scenes between my story lovers. When I'm not sure how to describe the male role I think of Hrithrik or watch one of his movies and I get inspired! I hope he inspires you too! Just because I think it's cool and I can't wait to see it, I've included the trailer for Kites here. Enjoy!


text:
Clyst William is een gehucht in het Engelse graafschap Devon. Het maakt deel uit van de civil parish Cullompton. Clyst William komt in het Domesday Book (1086) voor als 'Clist'. De rivier de Clyst ontspringt nabij het gehucht.

Plaats in Devon

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


Kunzum Route K105: Bhuj to Gir National Park, Gujarat - Kunzum - We travel. What do you do?
Welcome to Kunzum Routes! This is a series of time / distance charts between popular travel destinations covering just two points, or recommended circuits. Each of these will be marked by a unique number for easy reference in the future. Given below is Kunzum Route K105 between Bhuj, in the Greater Rann of Kutch area in Gujarat and the Gir National Park, also in Gujarat.
* Bhachau – Toll Booth: 16 Kms ( 10 Miles), 0:12 hrs – Paid Rs. 45. Turn 2 kms after this for Rajkot.
* Vestas Windmill Farms – Turn Right for Rajkot: 47 Kms ( 29 Miles), 0:29 hrs – Go Right for Rajkot (97) & Jamnagar; Straight for Morbi (6) Ahmedabad (243), Gandhinagar (269) and Vadodara (323). Be careful, don't miss this turn.
* Toll Booth – Juntion: Turn Left for Junagadh: 7 Kms ( 4 Miles), 0:04 hrs – Straight to Porbandar (115). This junction is at a place called Navagadh.
* Sasan Gir Park Gates – Gir Birding Lodge run by Asian Adventures: 10 Kms ( 6 Miles), 0:13 hrs – Most hotels and safari points are concentrated around here.


Star Wars Rebels is entering its home stretch, as the final seven episodes of the series should be released in the first three months of the year. After that, what happens? I've got updates for you on Forces of Destiny, the recently-announced live-action Star Wars series, and what's next from the animation department. Punch it!


text:
Revolutionary Fingerprint Drug Test 'Reader 1000' Offers 99% Accuracy
Rada Mateescu — October 9, 2018add comment
Drug tests are getting smarter and more accurate. There's a revolutionary fingerprint scanner that is able to deliver drug test results within minutes, and it has a 99% accuracy.
This is the finding of a new study which looked at the performance of the Reader 1000 compared to all existing blood and urine tests.
Reader 1000 offers 99% accuracy
This device accurately tests the four main groups of drugs which are most commonly abused: opiates, cocaine, cannabis, and amphetamines. The Reader 1000 needs five seconds to collect fingerprint samples.
This is already used by coroner mortuaries and drug rehabilitation centers, schools and workplaces.
More studies are underway for its use in airport screening and monitoring offenders in prisons and also probation services.
Experts have been using this technology that has been developed by Cambridge firm Intelligent Fingerprinting, to test its effectiveness.
They found that its accuracy ranged from 86 percent to 92 percent when compared to blood and urine.
"This new research highlights how our [device] can screen rapidly for drug use in individuals using a fingerprint sample with a sample collection time of only five seconds, and a total analysis time of ten minutes," said David Russell, Emeritus Professor at the University of East Anglia, UK, a co-author of the research and founder of the firm.
The Reader 1000 could help police investigations
He continued and said that "Our study also showed how our technology is being used by coroners to assist in gaining an early understanding of the possible cause of death and to inform potential further post-mortem activities or quickly facilitate police investigations."
He also added that they matched the coroner's drug test results that have been obtained using the fingerprint drug screen with a second sample that has been tested in lab conditions and they have achieved great correlations regarding accuracy.
They also compared the results with a toxicological analysis of urine and blood samples with a high correlation in results.
Promising Drug to Prevent AIDS New Infections
A New Test Can Detect Cancer In Just 10 Minutes Using Gold Particles
reader 1000


Volunteers are need for EAHS's STEM Summit. Help our students learn about careers in the Sciences, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics! CLICK HERE for more info on how to register.
School directors approve 2019-2020 CALENDAR.
ONLINE KINDERGARTEN REGISTRATION is now open for parents/guardians of incoming kindergarten students to make an appointment to register their child for the 2019-2020 school year.
Monitor your child's food service account balance and purchases free of charge at EZ SCHOOL PAY.
EASD recently held its 2019 Staff Retirement Banquet. In total, nine retiring faculty members, nine retiring support professionals, and one administrator were saluted for their dedication and service to the district.
The Bear Creek School student orchestra will perform its annual spring concert on April 25 at 7 p.m. on the Bear Creek School main stage. The concert is free and open to the public.
EASD held its annual staff recognition banquet on April 16 to salute employees for exceptional achievement and dedication to students and the district. In total, four faculty members and eight support staff members were honored for their outstanding service.
Elizabethtown Area High School students Abigail Bender, Skylynn Coble, Lydia Moynihan, Julia Raybold, and Caden Robinson won awards in the Latin American Alliance of Lancaster's 2019 Spanish Literature Contest.
EAHS seniors Katherine Bomboy and Amos Kollie were named the Elizabethtown Rotary Club's students of month for April. Bomboy and Kollie were honored for their high academic achievement and extensive involvement in school and community service activities.
EAHS's Science Olympiad Team recently competed in the regional Science Olympiad tournament held at Millersville University. Competing in events in the areas of biology, chemistry, engineering, environmental science, physics, and science writing, the team placed sixth, earning a birth in the state tournament.
Elizabethtown Area High School will host a Career and College Fair on Thursday, May 2 from 9:15-10:15 a.m. Local businesses and colleges are invited to take part in this program. Deadline to secure a spot in the fair is April 12.
The Elizabethtown Area High School Mini-THON Committee invites the community to attend a short celebratory ceremony on Saturday, April 6th in which they will honor the Millard family and the legacy they left behind in founding the Four Diamonds at Penn State Children's Hospital.
Elizabethtown Area High School band student Emma Foley recently performed at the prestigious 2019 Pennsylvania Music Educators Association (PMEA Region 5 Band Festival.
The Elizabethtown Area High School band will perform its annual spring concert on Thursday, April 11 at 7 p.m. The program will be held in the high school auditorium and is open to the public free of charge.


text:
Hempitecture Wins $500,000 Prize at Grow-NY Global Food and Agriculture Business Competition
Hempitecture is pleased to share that the brand is a recipient of the $500,000 award of the fourth annual Grow-NY business competition. Funded by Empire State Development and administered by Cornell University, the innovation and technology startup challenge focuses on enhancing the emerging food, beverage, and agriculture hub in Central New York, the Finger Lakes, and the Southern Tier regions of New York state. Hempitecture is one of seven finalists to take home prize money after the two-day Grow-NY Food and Agriculture Summit held in Syracuse, New York on November 15 and 16.
"We are thrilled by Grow-NY's honorable recognition and this opportunity to grow Hempitecture's footprint on the East Coast," says Mattie Mead, founder and CEO of Hempitecture. "Returning to New York is very nostalgic for our team––this is where the concept for the brand was born and expanding here is a full circle moment for us. We are excited for what the future holds and are prepared to hit the ground running with Hempitecture in New York and beyond."
Award decisions were based on five criteria: viability of the startup's business model, the diversity, quality, completeness, and readiness of the team, the value the brand has to customers, innovation, and job growth opportunities. As an award recipient, Hempitecture commits to making a quantifiable, enduring local impact during a 12-month period, creating lasting economic opportunity in the region. With the award money, the brand plans on creating an East Coast manufacturing and distribution hub to expand Hempitecture's presence nationwide. Additionally, Hempitecture will work closely with Cornell University's College of Agriculture and Life Sciences to advance its innovative research on industrial hemp and help bring agricultural hemp based materials to market in the region.
"Grow-NY finalists and winners continue to surpass our expectations on all fronts, successfully leveraging the strengths of the region to scale their ventures, adding jobs, attracting investment, and reinforcing New York's role as a global agrifood leader," said Jenn Smith, Program Director, Grow-NY. "I offer my most enthusiastic congratulations to all of this year's winners."
Hempitecture is on a mission to use plant-based resources to replace toxic, synthetic materials used in industries such as construction, cold chain packaging materials, and pharmaceuticals. By designing, manufacturing, and distributing biobased thermal insulation products like HempWool®, Hempitecture is helping industries optimize performance with a lower embodied carbon and creating a healthier future for all. As a winning business of this year's Grow-NY competition, Hempitecture will help foster job growth, connect with local industry partners, and contribute to a thriving economy. For more information on Hempitecture, please visit hempitecture.com
About Hempitecture:
Hempitecture is a nonwoven materials manufacturer that uses biobased, carbon-capturing inputs to create healthier, high-performing products for a more sustainable planet. In 2012, Founder & CEO Matthew Mead set out for tangible solutions to the climate crisis and founded the Hempitecture concept. The brand's mission is to use plant-based resources to replace toxic, synthetic materials used in industries such as construction. By designing, manufacturing, and distributing biobased thermal insulation products like HempWool®, Hempitecture is helping construction projects optimize performance with a lower embodied carbon.
In 2018, the company was formally founded alongside Co-Founder Tommy Gibbons, as a Public Benefit Corporation, enabling a scalable business model that achieves public benefits such as reduced embodied carbon, improved health in homes, and increased sustainability across multiple industries. Since its inception, Hempitecture has become a pioneer of biobased building methods in the United States, including the supply and completion of over 20 hempcrete projects, ranging from small builds to intricate projects designed by world-renowned architects. With headquarters in Sun Valley, ID, and manufacturing and distribution locations in Twin Falls, ID, and Knoxville, TN, Hempitecture is committed to reducing the embodied carbon of the built environment, increasing operational sustainability, and ultimately building a better world.
About Empire State Development
Empire State Development (ESD) promotes a vigorous and growing state economy, encourages business investment and job creation, and supports diverse, prosperous local economies across New York State through the efficient use of loans, grants, tax credits, real estate development, marketing and other forms of assistance. To learn more about ESD visit https://esd.ny.gov
About the Cornell Center for Regional Economic Advancement
The Cornell Center for Regional Economic Advancement (CREA) supports economic impact in Upstate New York through entrepreneurship and innovation. We help people advance ideas that will create jobs in all fields in our region, to enrich the area's economic diversity. To learn more, visit https://crea.cornell.edu


text:
Now reading: Is Squirting and Female Ejaculation the Same Thing?
Is Squirting and Female Ejaculation the Same Thing?
The adult industry has sexualised "squirting" to such an extent, that most people merely see it as being entirely erotic without really knowing what it is.
And actually, the sexualisation of vulva owners releasing fluid during peak sexual excitement is nothing new! It can be read about in Japanese erotica from centuries ago, and in the Kama Sutra.
Interestingly however, what we believe squirting to be could just be something completely different. It could actually be female ejaculation.
In other words (spoiler alert): squirting and female ejaculation are not the same thing, despite being similar.
Of course this can be chalked up to sexual education (or rather, a lack thereof), which is why we aim to teach you all about squirting and female ejaculation.
We believe that everyone should know what their beautiful bodies are doing, and what they are capable of, because both squirting and female ejaculation can be a thrilling and orgasmic experience.
The Difference Between Squirting and Female Ejaculation
As we now know, there is a difference between squirting and female ejaculation. And while the differences are subtle, they are different nonetheless.
Let's look at both squirting and female ejaculation to decipher the differences, and to learn more about this erotic experience.
What is Squirting?
Squirting is when a vulva owner expels fluid from the vagina, that comes from the bladder, during stimulation and arousal. The fluid itself is made up of urine, uric acid, and creatine (basically, it's watered-down urine).
It can be expelled during any kind of sexual play, be it masturbation, foreplay, or penetration, and the volume is usually around 150 milliliters of fluid. In fact, it is often squirting that you see in adult films (fluid gushing out the vagina), as it releases far more fluid than female ejaculation.
One of the most common ways to induce squirting is via the G-spot. In vulva owners, the G-spot is found one to three inches inside of the vagina, and when stimulated, could bring about all kinds of delicious orgasms. Not just that, but it could also induce the action of squirting.
But is squirting and orgasming the same thing? Actually, no. During an orgasm, a vulva owner's vaginal muscles will contract resulting in an orgasm. Squirting, on the other hand, is in no way related to the contraction of the vaginal muscles, and thus is not the same as orgasming.
What is Female Ejaculation?
Female ejaculation is a thicker and whiter fluid that's expelled from the vagina. It comes from the Skene's glands (oftentimes called the 'female prostate'), and can be found on the front wall of the vagina, surrounding the urethra.
Why is the Skene's glands called the female prostate? Well, it's been said that only penis owners have prostates (a walnut-sized gland that can be stimulated via the anus in penis-owners for sexual euphoria). But really, there is research to suggest that vulva owners have a prostate too.
It's been found that vulva owners produce the same protein as the prostate, called 'prostate-specific antigen' (PSA), and they have tissue that is similar to the prostate in penis owners.
Also, it's been shown that the levels of PSA rise when a vulva owner has cancer of the Skene's gland and when a penis owner has cancer of the prostate.
Essentially, the research concluded that the Skene's gland is indeed the 'female prostate' in vulva owners, and that the fluid that's excreted is very similar to that of semen.
Having had a look at both squirting and female ejaculation, let's move onto the next topic: who and how can a vulva owner experience it…
Can All Vulva Owners Squirt?
This question is a difficult one to answer, as there are so many different debates on the matter.
Some believe that all vulva owners can squirt with practice (and those who do are called "the dependents"). Others believe that vulva owners can squirt without any practice (and those who do are called "the autonomous").
Then there are a few who believe that some vulva owners simply are incapable of experiencing it.
If you are intrigued to try squirting though, why not play around with the following exciting steps?
Slowly ease into your sexual energy by stimulating the clitoris, allowing the blood to flow to your erogenous zones. When you're feeling relaxed and sexually excited, start stimulating your G-spot (either by doing the 'come hither' motion with your finger(s), or using a G-spot sex toy).
If you're unsure of where your G-spot is, you can insert one or more fingers into the vagina, curl them so that they're towards your stomach, and feel the area until you find a raised and bumpy region. This is the G-spot, which is actually erectile tissue.
Whilst enjoying G-spot stimulation, you'll indirectly move your urethra, leaving it at an angle to the bladder that's different than usual. This makes it more possible for fluid to be expelled (aka squirting).
Stimulate the G-spot intensely (but not to a point where you're uncomfortable, of course). When you experience a sensation similar to needing to pee, that means that your Skene's glands are hard at work. i.e. it may be the start of your squirting experience.
Can All Vulva Owners Ejaculate?
Just like squirting, the jury is still out on whether all vulva owners can ejaculate. But, just like squirting, it could be possible for practice to make perfect. Not just that, but it's also G-spot stimulation that has the biggest amount of potential to increase your chances of experiencing female ejaculation.
What's interesting about female ejaculation however, is that—unlike the fluid released during squirting—sometimes female ejaculation fluid doesn't even leave the body during sexual excitement.
Sometimes, the fluid can flow backward into the bladder during arousal, and exits the body during urination. For that reason, some vulva owners may be ejaculating but not even realise it.
And so, have you ever experienced squirting or female ejaculation? If you haven't, yet are really hoping to, don't be despondent if it takes time or doesn't happen at all. The occurrence of squirting and female ejaculation needs to be studied further to have more conclusive results.
With the information available today however, not all vulva owners can squirt or ejaculate. You are perfectly normal whether you can or you can't!
Since gender is not binary, say hello to genderless pleasure
5 keys to sustainable pleasure: Responsible, mindful, and orgasmic consumption


Hello everybody! Expectation you are doing great! I am new to this discussion! Posting my most exceedingly terrible experience out of the blue! I show at least a bit of kindness infection name mitral stenosis. I am so frustrated with life! When I was experiencing the web! I discovered a centre name L***s! They have composed great things about their facility! I was awed! I sent them an email and recounted all my story! I approached them for an arrangement! Its been 3 weeks I have been sending them an email! They ain't try to answering! This made me more stressed! I had a most exceedingly terrible experience about this centre! They are simply con artists!
Hey Cameron! Hope you are doing well! I am so sad. Nature has been extremely unkind to you. I truly welcome that you are certain about the treatment. That is the soul my woman. I trust there ll no need however in the event that lamentably this endeavour flops then you should go for surrogacy. I am likewise fruitless. I can comprehend your torment. I have been TTC for 10 long years yet got no achievement. I am additionally thinking about surrogacy now. My DH and I endeavoured to contact a centre named L***s. In spite of the fact that we live in Ireland yet we heard a great deal of well done so we however to give an attempt. We messaged the centre to get vital points of interest. Its been weeks now that we continued messaging them however they didn't try to react. We felt very dampen however we didn't surrender. We are scanning for a more solid facility to begin our treatment.
Hey Cameron, hope you are doing well. You are so right. I totally agree with you, there are a lot scammers like this clinic. I myself am victim of the clinic you have mentioned. A friend recommended me L***s clinic to start my surrogacy treatment. Because I was very much tensed. I am remarried and to make this marriage work I want to have a baby. My 1st husband left me because of infertility. He left me after 2 failed IVF attempts. He said that I am good for nothing. So after that worse phase I remarried and I am so desperate to have a kid now.I emailed this clinic for weeks. They didnt bother to respond back. I am so devastated and dishearten from their attitude.
Hey, I am really sorry to hear about your bad experience. This must have been so heartbreaking. It is sad to see clinics behaving in such a manner. You really need to move on and discover new options. I can understand how this must have all felt. A few years back found myself stuck in a very similar situation. However, then I researched properly. The clinic you choose, research about them. Check the doctors years of experience and the clinic's success rate. These things matter a lot. On these pointers, I was able to find myself a clinic. So far my experience with them is going amazing. They are doing everything systemically. I think this is something matters a lot. I am completely relying on them because of this.
Hey. Hope everything goes right in your way. May God bless you. Women should go for surrogacy to Ukraine. Surrogacy is a blessing. It is a blessing for every woman. Babies are the great happiness for women. Through surrogacy, every mother can get the happiness of motherhood. I was a sportswoman. And I had fatigue injury. I tried to conceive. Then visit for surrogacy to Ukraine. The clinic where I had surrogacy was a peerless clinic. The staff was so cooperative. Now I have a baby.
Hey there Dear. How are you doing? I hope its all good. I am really sorry for your experience with them. They are very well known for their bad reviews. They are now all over the internet. They are defaming others too. People are now exposing them. They have to stop playing without emotions. I wish you good luck in the future. Take care and lots of lvoe. Things will get better. I am sure. I hope you have all the support. They will pay for what they are doing soon.
Hey, hope you are doing well. I am sorry to hear about your experience. But let me tell you, you are not alone in this. I have facing infertility for so long. And few months ago i decided for my surrogacy treatment. A friend of mine told me about this clinic L***s in ukraine. and asked me to email them. I got my hopes together and emailed them. I kept on emailing fr two months in a row. I was expecting a reply but they didn't at all. I got depressed and disappointed too. I wonder why such scammers still exist. Their license should have been canceled. I am so saddened to see such insensitive behavior of them. Stop emailing them. They are trash. You are just wasting your time and energy on them. They just know how to shatter people and how to break their hearts and hopes. I am never gonna contact them again. They are scammers. I have learned very hard lesson from this.
Hello, How are you? I trust you're doing fine. I am happy that you took interest in here, and said one of the dubious themes. Without a doubt there are some phony facilities that exclusive need our cash. They just have one point that is to take our cash and that's it. I might want to encourage everybody to complete a little research on centers before taking choices. There is this presumed center L***s, sitting around idly and cash of others. Barrenness is a revile however we need to manage it. This surrogacy focus doesn't have the most recent advances. Since we're living in 2018 and hand-off more on innovations than human. There are heaps of other great centers accessible. Might want to exhort everybody who is perusing this, try to complete a little research. Try not to place yourself in such peril. Much obliged and I trust this would help a considerable lot of us to pick an appropriate surrogacy organization.
Hey babe. How are you doing? I hope you're better now. I love your persistence. You just gotta keep away from negativity. Find positivity in your life. Don't worry. God will help you. I recommend you check other clinics in Ukraine. IVF and surrogacy are complicated procedures. You need to seek professionals. I had help in Ukraine too. They helped me in my journey. You can do it. Just stay strong.
Hello, I Hope you are wonderful. I am thank to you for sharing the tale about the tricks of the centers and the surrogacy travel that you went for. I concur that now a significant number of the center are phony and just tricks. These facilities are working cash. L***s is the facility that is absolutely trick. L***s center incline toward cash over the patient. They work when you demonstrate the cash yet did not give victory comes up with weak reasons and make your pocket vacant. They are thoroughly tricks. I figure L***s facility ought to be boycott. The general population who giver think about mankind should boycott for all time boycott. The center decision is the essential advance that you should take precisely in your life. Many countries are popular for the surrogacy. My Best wishes are for you. I am certain you will be constantly great.
The clinic I am visting is doing an exceptional job. They make sure that we are at ease at all the times. I have so many mediums through which I can know about them. I read the blogs on of the prominent members of the clinic rights. I also attend the meetings they hold every then and now. I also talk to the manager quite often to know about the updates. On the other hand, they themselves also make an effort to ensure that I am in touch with them. I hope things go well for us.
Hi Cameron! I hope you are feeling better. I can feel what you are going through. The forum is full of such posts about these clinics. I have even had a personal experience with these. Just stop contacting them hon, they are scamming people nothing else. I m having my treatment at a clinic abroad, they are great at their job. The packages are affordable and they even provide you accommodation with it. They even have a guarantee program in which they will treat you till it's successful. If you want to know more details about this clinic you can ask me.
Hi Cameron! I am so sorry for what they did to you. That clinic is doing this with everyone. So don't worry you are not alone in this. We are all with you, I think we should raise a voice against them. They really need to stop doing this.
I am really sorry to read about your journey. Things like these do disappoint you a lot. However, dont lose hope. I am sure things will get better. This time just not make the same mistake. Take your time in making the right decision. I am sure things will get better. Good luck to you.
I am really sorry to hear about your experience. This is why I always say to visit the right clinic. The more the clinic is experienced the more are the chances of high success. Good luck to you. Sending baby dust your way. Make sure to research now before opting for a clinic. I am having a good experience so far due to this reason. If you want help let me know.


If you're anything like me, your diet lately consists of pretty much Ferrero Rocher chocolates all day.
This is the issue around the holidays. Friends and family are showing up for holiday visits, which is great, but that means we always have little snacks and treats ready for them. My cellar is full of chocolate boxes either to open for guests or to give as last minute gifts (I know soooo Italian, you know over the tomato jars?).
What this all translates to, is that on a cold day like today, where the chill factor is -15 degrees, a couple of decadent chocolates really hit the spot. Then I go onto Pinterest and Instagram and see all the stuff I haven't done or baked and then decide I need more chocolate to make me feel better. Wow, ok now I am off topic.
I am here to discuss my Holiday Avocado Dip! In between all the butter and sugar it's good to ingest some nutrients in between. This dip is packed with flavour and also a way to get in some good omega fats and anti-oxidants during the dreadful, I mean magical season, hehe. It's really simple to make at home and can be quickly made right before or even while your guests arrive.
My suggestion is make sure your avocados are ripe, but not brown. They should be soft to touch and have a purple-black colour to it. If it's mushy then it's over ripe and it won't taste so well in your dip.
Throw in some of your favourite crackers and Bob's your uncle!
Honestly, it gets hard around this time to have any self control, my advice, enjoy the holidays. Have the extra chocolate and be merry! Once January rolls in there's always time to get that gym membership we are never going to use hehe.
In a food processor, combine avocado, cream cheese, honey, olive, salt and lemon juice.
Place mixture in a bowl and fold in pomegranate seeds until well combined.
Place dip in a fancy holiday plate and surround with your favourite crackers!


text:
3rd World Congress on Otology, Rhinology & Laryngology
Date: 16 October 2023 - 17 October 2023
Location name: London, UK
Location address: TBC
Contact: Jacob Davis, Coalesce Research Group
Email: otorhinolaryngology@crgmeetings.org
Web: https://otorhinolaryngologyconference.com/