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Category: Television
Fifty x Incompetence = Competence
It's time to pick up the national switch to digital television once again since Congress is determined to somehow fix the problem by expanding the flaws of the transition plan.
Key senators have reached a compromise on a bill that would delay the nation's switch to all-digital television from next month until June 12. A vote on the legislation is expected early next week.
Sen. John D. Rockefeller (D-W.Va.), chairman of the Commerce Committee, has been working with ranking member Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Tex.), to draft legislation that also would give consumers more access to coupons for the converter boxes needed to continue receiving broadcasts.
Congress set the deadline years ago, yet that wasn't enough. Four more months will fix it, even though a trip into any electronics store will reveal more than enough converters. Obviously that isn't the problem. The supply is there. But the price isn't right, hence more "free" coupons. Why should anyone doubt this will be solved by June 12th?
That's not my point, though. This is:
"The shameful truth is that we are not poised to do this transition right," Rockefeller said in a statement. "We are only weeks away from doing it dreadfully wrong — and leaving consumers with the consequences."
The "shameful truth" is that Congress can't manage a transition to digital television that will cost the government (i.e. us) less than $2 billion. The outcome will be "dreadfully wrong". This is standard operating procedure. But don't anyone worry about the ongoing bailouts of banks and consumers. There will be no shameful truth in how Congress spends $1 trillion. Borrowing always solves a spending problem. Consumers will get only benefits there, we're told.
It takes an active commitment to ignorance to trust Congress and the President. I can think of no other explanation.
Author TonyPosted on January 24, 2009 November 19, 2019 Categories Government, Television1 Comment on Fifty x Incompetence = Competence
Creating a Market in Coupons for Dead Technology
For those who can't wait to have government take over health care and make it super fantastical and free, maybe another example will demonstrate the fallacy of this idea. The ongoing stupid party surrounding the subsidization of television as a right inherent in Congressional action protecting consumers from the forced national conversion to digital television continues with a new twist: Consumers have already demanded more $40 coupons than Congress authorized.
As of this past Sunday, consumers who request a $40 coupon to help offset the cost of a converter box are being placed on a waiting list. They may not receive the coupons before Feb. 17, when full-power television stations will shut off traditional analog broadcasts and transmit only digital signals.
Members of Congress are now scrambling to find ways to allocate more money to the program.
"We saw a massive spike in coupons in the past six weeks," said Meredith Atwell Baker, head of the National Telecommunications and Information Administration, an agency within the Commerce Department that runs the coupon program. She said a record 7.2 million coupons were ordered in December, while the agency was expecting roughly 4 million requests. She urged consumers to make sure at least one television set is ready for the transition, with or without a coupon.
The government guessed incorrectly in its attempt to centrally plan the American television viewing method and failed to fund nearly half the unsurprising demand. When something is "free" (i.e. offered below market value), consumers will demand the service or good more than they would at the market price. Who knew? Yet, Congress is competent to predict exactly how many doctors we need? It can accurately predict how many maternity beds we need?
"[NTA has] left us precious little time to respond," said Rep. Edward J. Markey (D-Mass), chairman of the House Commerce subcommittee on telecommunications and the Internet. "They've created a mess by not admitting that there was not sufficient funding until the very last minute. So now we're looking for creative ways of solving the problem."
Perhaps if the market could respond to a signal as clear as rising demand, the price could rise to compensate for a finite supply. Nope. Just get in line and pray enough coupons expire. Or find more money for every critical demand, since every demand is critical. Somewhere.
It's clear that Congress doesn't understand the inevitable, arbitrary rationing that results when artificial demand intersects with finite supply. But health care will be different. Somehow.
Want to know why I'm not a big fan of consumer advocacy groups?
"NTIA is going to stop processing coupons precisely at the time when people need them the most," said Joel Kelsey, policy analyst for Consumers Union. "Whatever Congress decides to do, it needs to be done as soon as possible to help people through this complicated transition," he said.
When people need them most. Congress is throwing money around recklessly, with a potential $1,000,000,000,000 deficit for the fiscal year, and we're discussing television as a need worthy of public subsidy. There is no way to advocate for that, unless the system is broken.
Author TonyPosted on January 6, 2009 November 19, 2019 Categories Government, Libertarian, Ranting, Stupidity, Technology, Television
Biographical suggests reliance on history.
Warning: Although it's semantically incorrect that revealing facts presented in a television show based on a biography of a historical figure as large as John Adams counts as a spoiler, this entry discusses how those facts are presented. If you wish to watch HBO's John Adams and judge its merits for yourself before reading my impressions of the show, stop reading now. End warning.
I eagerly anticipated John Adams when I first saw an ad for the miniseries. It's good, except it's not. It's compelling entertainment, as much of what HBO produces seems to be. But as history, it's becoming quite clear that it's at best a CliffsNotes version of John Adams' life, and then only if sections of the CliffsNotes version were lost or cropped. Why?
The series leads the viewer to believe all sorts of strange interpretations of events that happen to be at best inaccurate. Events have been smushed together, with little things like periodic visits home being omitted. This may give dramatic tension to the filmed version of John Adams' reunion with, separately, his wife and his children, but it has the inconvenience of being false. While I understand that turning a book into a film requires edits, alteration is not editing. The miniseries is poorer for it. As a result, my enthusiasm for the remaining three episodes is waning.
Worse, the end of episode four, "Reunion", angered me. I can't find my copy of David McCullough's John Adams because we've temporarily piled our books into a closet as we remodel, so I can't verify whether or not this appears in the source text for the miniseries. However, Mr. McCullough consulted on the script, so I doubt he wasn't given a chance to comment on episode four's conclusion, which involved the inauguration of George Washington. To be more precise, it involves John Adams' reaction to George Washington's inauguration, but it presents Washington's oath of office to demonstrate the point.
The episode depicts George Washington reciting the oath in a quiet reserved tone to suggest the humble nature of a great man. After "…defend the Constitution of the United States," Washington bellows "so help me God." Are we really to believe that George Washington said this? What does Article II, Section 1, Clause 8 of the Constitution say about this?
I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.
Is it realistic to believe that any of the founders, having spent more than a decade to realize the fruition of a new republic based on limiting the power of government over the people, would deviate from a rule so basic as the oath of office as proscribed in the Constitution? I know our politicians violate the Constitution every day, but is anyone so morally defective that they'd blatantly do so in 1789, in this specific manner? (Yes, I'm aware that the First Amendment was not yet ratified in 1789.) If he was as smart as he must've been, would he overlook the absurdity of ignoring the Constitution while swearing to uphold it? And if Washington did add "so help me God," would he essentially mumble the oath, only to loudly proclaim faith in God at the new nation's birth? That's inconsistent on multiple interpretations.
Personally, I lean to Kip's view that the original appearance of this "fact" precludes any conclusion other than willful deceit. For a more cautious view, read Jonathan Rowe's analysis.
Unfortunately, America's founding fathers are misrepresented to push the Christian nation myth. They all believed in a single god, so clearly they wanted us to include God in everything the United States government does. We're to ignore the controversy from not including a Bill of Rights in the original Constitution presented to the States, as well as the rather quick ratification of the First Amendment after the birth of the new Constitution. It's ridiculous, but people want to believe it. And nonsense like this episode of John Adams encourages it. For example:
I hope this show can let some people remember that this country was founded by a bunch of men who were extremely religious [sic]
Even if that were true in the way that the writer believes, so what? Some of our founding fathers owned slaves. Are we to conclude that we should own slaves as a result? Or are we to conclude that imperfect men created a system of government capable of filtering human deficiencies from the exercise of power better than any other structure yet created? The text of the Constitution is sufficiently clear on this topic to know that the specific religious views of the founders are interesting but rather irrelevant to how we should operate today.
Author TonyPosted on April 2, 2008 November 19, 2019 Categories Ranting, Stupidity, Television1 Comment on Biographical suggests reliance on history.
I'm offended. So are you.
The FCC creates an interesting concept [emphasis mine]:
The Federal Communications Commission erased nearly all of a proposed $1.2 million indecency fine against a number of Fox television stations yesterday, saying the Rupert Murdoch-owned network should be fined for airing an offensive television show only in markets where viewers complained about it.
Instead of ordering all 169 stations that aired it to pay the larger fine, the FCC ordered 13 Fox-owned and -affiliated stations to pay a total of $91,000 in indecency fines for broadcasting an episode of the long-canceled reality show "Married by America" nearly five years ago.
This action attempts to apply the (illegitimate) majoritarian "community standards" as the FCC's guide. In reality, it now permits only the minoritarian requirement of one offended viewer in a community, with viewer defined quite loosely. This is not progress. The First Amendment still says what it says.
Author TonyPosted on February 23, 2008 November 19, 2019 Categories Free Speech, Ranting, Stupidity, Television
No right to digital television exists in the Constitution.
While watching television last night, Fox subjected me to a commercial about digital television from the National Association of Broadcasters' digital television (DTV) transition campaign. Normally I could phase out and not care. But in the middle of the commercial, this:
That's an interesting claim. Am I to take from this the idea that Congress is smart enough to know what's good and what isn't good? It's marketing, yes, but people showed up to vote in multiple states yesterday where a primary won't be held for at least a week. Anything that further cements in anyone's mind that Congress' central planning is wise and informed can only be considered detrimental. It shouldn't be too hard to make the correct connection based on the commercial's mention of the converter box coupon, a giveaway that most people don't need and no one deserves.
Author TonyPosted on February 6, 2008 November 19, 2019 Categories Government, Propaganda, Technology, Television1 Comment on No right to digital television exists in the Constitution.
Every broadcast is indecent.
Free speech be damned darned:
The Federal Communications Commission has proposed a $1.4 million fine against 52 ABC Television Network stations over a 2003 broadcast of cop drama NYPD Blue.
The fine is for a scene where a boy surprises a woman as she prepares to take a shower. The scene depicted "multiple, close-up views" of the woman's "nude buttocks" according to an agency order issued late Friday.
The FCC is only attempting to fine ABC stations in the Central and Mountain time zones because they aired the show before 10 p.m. Even that logic violates the First Amendment's "Congress shall make no law", but okay, fine, at least the FCC is following one rule limiting its reach. But allow me to play semantics for a moment.
The agency said the show was indecent because "it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs _ specifically an adult woman's buttocks."
Ahem:
Function of the skin
The skin has several important functions, including:
Waste disposal. The skin is a minor source of waste disposal. Sweat glands located in the skin excrete waste products such as urea (a byproduct of protein metabolism) therefore eliminating them from the body.
Every actor on television violates the letter of the law by revealing an excretory organ. And every athlete during the Super Bowl next Sunday will presumably cause Fox liability by sweating, thereby engaging in an excretory activity. I will be complaining.
I'm engaging in hyperbole, but I'm not joking.
In an obscene requirement, ABC defended the artistic merit of showing a woman's buttock, generating this response:
"The law is simple," FCC Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate wrote in a statement yesterday. "If a broadcaster makes the decision to show indecent programming, it must air between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. This is neither difficult to understand nor burdensome to implement."
But it is an unconstitutional burden. Apparently "Congress shall make no law…" is difficult to understand. I'm not sure how, since it's only five words, and only the first has more than one syllable. Perhaps that's the trouble. Our leaders representatives do not understand the word Congress because it is too complicated. Idiots, every one of them.
Take joy until Congress and the FCC catch on. Any time you flip on your television, you're being exposed to indecent material. Naughty, naughty.
Author TonyPosted on January 26, 2008 November 19, 2019 Categories Free Speech, Government, Politics, Stupidity, Television
Exercising judgment is family-friendly.
Continuing on my last entry, in his essay, David Cross also writes about children's movies:
MITIGATING FACTOR #1
I have not seen the movie so I can't really comment to whether it's an "evil" or "dangerous" "piece of shit "or not. The reason I haven't seen the movie is because I am not eight years old. I am an adult and don't see children's movies.
Exactly my sentiments. If you're an adult and like movies aimed at children, fine. If you're an adult who has children and like movies aimed at children that contain more universal themes and appeal, fine. See what you want to see, skip what you don't want to see. But don't pander to me that family-friendly is more than a euphemism for children's movie.
As the presidential election gets going today, it's clear that we're going to hear a mind-numbing count of references to family-friendly culture. Blech. I don't have kids now, but I expect to at some point in the near-ish future. I'm sure I would take my hypothetical kids to family-friendly movies. But I'm not going to stop seeing movies that are family-unfriendly. Or television shows or books or music or video games or whatever else interests me. Rather than dumbing down my life and denying myself what I'm interested in, I'll exercise a little responsibility to know what is and isn't appropriate for children to view.
If that means playing Call of Duty 4 after the kids are in bed, so be it. But politicians need to stop pretending that I should deny myself Call of Duty 4 because it isn't suitable for an eight-year-old. I, like most adults, am not irresponsible. I do not need the guiding hand of government to intervene for me to understand the issue or to make intelligent decisions.
Author TonyPosted on January 3, 2008 November 19, 2019 Categories Logic, Movies, Music, Television
It's not someone else's fault if you're a bad businessman.
Right, Apple is the problem:
NBC Universal topper Jeff Zucker warned Monday that new digital business models are turning media revenues "from dollars into pennies" and revealed that NBC U booked just $15 million in revenue during the last year of its deal with Apple's iTunes.
"Apple sold millions of dollars worth of hardware off the back of our content, and made a lot of money," Zucker said. "They did not want to share in what they were making off the hardware or allow us to adjust pricing."
So many points. Without Apple's hardware, NBC likely would've made significantly less than the small revenue stream it saw.
Spare the story of oppresion, too. I doubt seriously anyone from Apple held a gun to Zucker's head and demanded its content. NBC had to mutually agree with Apple for Apple to offer the video.
NBC seems to have expected an ability to adjust prices upward after customers became comfortable with downloading legal video. But in its woe-is-me tale of how Apple isn't being fair, NBC also tries to discredit Apple by saying that the product that customers will pay 50% more than they're now willing to pay didn't sell well. Which is it?
Link via Wired.
Author TonyPosted on October 31, 2007 November 19, 2019 Categories Business, Stupidity, Technology, Television
I can (almost) die now.
I've mentioned a time or twenty-five that I love Alias. I've carried this love so far as to see The Paris Letter in New York, even though the Broadway cast did not include Neil Patrick Harris, because it starred Ron Rifkin, aka Arvin Sloane. The play was actually interesting, but that wouldn't have mattered. With a primary cast member from Alias, my ticket purchase is guaranteed.
So it was with Cyrano de Bergerac. It does not star a primary cast member of Alias. During its 10-week run, it stars THE primary cast member of Alias, Sydney Bristow Jennifer Garner.
I purchased tickets the morning they went on sale for the first weekend, which happens to be this weekend. The show is in previews for the first two weeks, which meant there would potentially be "issues" with the show. That didn't matter. Jennifer Garner. I'd pay to watch dress rehearsal, which turned out to be kinda what we saw. As Danielle recapped today:
… Kevin Kline basically carries the whole show, and is marvelous, but one man can't carry an entire Anthony Burgess adaptation of the classic tale, y'know? At several points, when Kline wasn't on stage or speaking, I felt like I was watching a high school theater club. After one scene change, the translucent curtain got caught and the entire production had to stop for ten minutes so some crew guys could come out and fix it. Quite hilarious and a first for me. We think we even caught Jennifer Garner starting to laugh. Even with all of its missteps and faults, the audience rose to their feet for curtain call, cheering Kline's worthy performance.
Basically, the show is a disaster in its current form, despite the presence of Kevin Kline. The opening scenes desperately need a trim. The cast needs to act with each other rather than at each other. Someone needs to figure out how to operate the curtain. And so on.
But Jennifer Garner! And being a Broadway play, two more words come into play: stage door. I did not get an autograph like I recently managed from Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal while they performed in their return to Rent, but being up close was worth driving to New York to spend barely six hours in the city.
Author TonyPosted on October 14, 2007 November 19, 2019 Categories Personal, Television, Tender5 Comments on I can (almost) die now.
Witnessing Violence Against the Constitution
Here's a reminder that politicians are the same, regardless of party affiliation. Politics is about power, to the exclusion of ethical statecraft.
The long-awaited Rockefeller TV-violence bill will be introduced before the August recess, says Steven Broderick, press secretary to Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va.). The bill would give the FCC the power to regulate violence on cable and satellite, as well as on broadcast.
It will also likely require the FCC to define indecent violent content, a call the FCC punted to Congress in a report it issued several months ago.
He also is buoyed by the change in congressional leadership. A similar bill that Rockefeller introduced in 2005 did not go anywhere.
"Last time, Congress was under different management," says Broderick. "Times have changed, and programming on TV has changed."
Broadcast restrictions on cable and satellite will never hold up to court scrutiny, so it's not worth discussing. It is useful as a reminder that politicians consider the Constitution a mere suggestion for legislating.
I'll also be quite amused if the FCC can come up with rules for indecent violent content. It's perpetually ignored such demands for verbal and sexual indecency, preferring the power option that allows it to threaten with unwritten rules. Also, it shouldn't be the FCC's job to set the rules. If Congress feels it should make such laws in the face of "Congress shall make no laws", it should at least determine the specifics of its disregard. Eventually, that must fall to court review, as well.
With that out of the way, let's look at broadcast schedules (remember, cable and satellite are irrelevant here) to examine Mr. Broderick's statement that "programming on TV has changed." The Fall 2005 broadcast television schedule:
The Fall 2007 broadcast television schedule:
If I'm reading that correctly, the only difference in the two schedules is the subtraction of Alias (boo!) and the addition of Heroes and Jericho. Comparing Alias and Heroes strikes me as an even trade on the violence scale, so Mr. Broderick is essentially saying that the addition of Jericho now justifies government regulation of television content. Does Sen. Rockefeller really want to hang this bill on that argument?
Link via Hit & Run
Author TonyPosted on July 16, 2007 November 19, 2019 Categories Free Speech, Government, Politics, Stupidity, Television1 Comment on Witnessing Violence Against the Constitution


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PBS Books
Best Children's Picture Books of 2018
We're not even halfway through winter, so that means plenty more chilly days that can keep kids indoors for play and leisure time. A colorful picture book is a perfect way to pass the grayer days of this season. Already in 2019, we've seen several exceptional picture books published for children, but we wanted to look back at some of the best releases from last year. You can plan on loading up with these titles, and more, on Saturday, February 2nd – that's Take Your Child to the Library Day.
by Matt de la Peña / illustrated by Loren Long
What does love sound like? What does love look like, or feel like? The words of Newbery Medal-award winning author Matt de la Peña and the evocative illustrations of Loren Long create a poignant portrait of a universal necessity in life. These simple images and words underline the importance of interpersonal affection as a means of nurturing the wellbeing of any human, be they a toddler, a kindergartner, or even a grown-up.
by Yuyi Morales
Through mixed-media art (painting, drawing, photography and embroidery), the Pura Belpré award winning illustrator creates a memoir that depicts her experience, in 1994, of emigrating with her son from Mexico to the U.S. It's a powerful and vividly rendered story about finding a voice, a creative voice, in two different languages.
We Don't Eat Our Classmates
by Ryan T. Higgins
Higgins enters the domain of manners, civility, and encouraging empathy for the feelings of others, through a hilarious and cutely subversive conceit when he places Penelope Rex into a school full of humans. Here our precocious little t-rex was, all too eager to make new friends on her first day of school, only to underestimate her inevitable urge to, well…eat these tasty new peers. Let's learn (and laugh a bit) about why that's wrong!
Islandborn
by Junot Diaz / illustrated by Leo Espinosa
The Pulitzer Prize winning author of The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao tells a story that follows young Lola at her school where everyone is "from somewhere else." Leo Epinoza uses a vibrant color palette to augment a story where the littlest readers can imagine a deeper sense of identity and heritage through exploring the memories, however joyous or heartbreaking, preserved and passed on by our families.
Giraffe Problems
by Jory John / illustrated by Lane Smith
It's hard for young children to realize that the things that they might be most self-conscious about are exactly what make them special. Edward the Giraffe worries that his neck is "too necky" because everyone stares at it. There's a fun fold-out page that shows readers just how useful Edward's ostensible eccentricity proves to be. It's sort of Rudolph-esque, but charmingly more droll in the narration.
Grandad Mandela
by Zindzi Mandela, Zazi Mandela, and Ziwelene Mandela / illustrated by Sean Qualls
This book glimpses the South African leader and human rights advocate through a perspective that can be relatable for young readers. Two great-grandchildren of Nelson Mandela request a story from their grandmother, arranged across 15 specific questions about his life. As more is revealed to them about their "Grandad," they can begin to see how they can carry on his legacy.
Astronaut Annie
by Suzanne Slade / illustrated by Nicole Tadgell
Perfect for this year's theme for public libraries' Summer Reading programs ("A Universe of Stories"), Slade's story encourages young readers to think deeply about their own hopes and dreams. As Annie gets ready for her school's 'Career Day' presentation, she graciously accepts tokens from her family, a notebook, a mixing bowl, a backpack, sneakers, because they each have their own idea of what they think she wants to be…, lo and behold, she combines the items to make a costume that represents her true aspirations.
Hello Lighthouse
by Sophie Blackall
Comparatively speaking, a much more meditative reading experience for little ones—Blackall's beautifully illustrated and poetic portrayal of a sturdy lighthouse is meant to have each page turned at a slower rate than most picture books, and evoke a sense of calm and even quiet majesty, as we learn about the role of a lighthouse keeper. Ships glide by, guided by the light, while the lighthouse keeper carries on his tasks while boiling some tea for his family, inside, as the waves tide past.
Niblet and Ralph
by Zachariah O'Hora
O'Hora captures the quirky and sometimes spastic energy of kitties with his endearing main characters—who happen to look a lot alike! That doesn't mean they like the same things though—and that spells trouble when they are mistaken for one another by their respective owners. This playful and brightly colored picture book can emphasize how everyone's unique sensitivities and habits are part of what defines their individuality, as well as show them that even a house pet can have their own proclivities, be it an affinity for music, or a taste for chips.
Finding Langston
by Lesa Cline-Ransome
Our final entry is geared more towards 8-12 year olds; this historical novel from lauded picture-book author Cline-Ransome spans more than 100 pages and portrays an 11-year-old Langston Hughes leaving rural Alabama in 1946 after the death of his mother. By way of a biography for the younger years of the celebrated Harlem Renaissance writer, Cline-Ransome can also give middle-grade readers a poignant depiction of the Great Migration.
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Kathleen Kennedy
Gareth Edwards & Kathleen Kennedy Respond to Star Wars: Rogue One Rumors
In addition to all the character info and images revealed for Star Wars: Rogue One, director Gareth Edwards and Disney's Kathleen Kennedy now respond to the reshoot rumors.
EW.com is also once again stating everything is A-OK ("[just]…needed to punch up its emotion and action beats.")
Edwards and Kennedy had the following to say to calm the masses:
Edwards:
"I mean it was always part of the plan to do reshoots. We always knew we were coming back somewhere to do stuff. We just didn't know what it would be until we started sculpting the film in the edit. There's lots of little things that we have to get, but it's all little things within the preexisting footage. Obviously, you've got to work around everyone's schedule, and everyone's on different films all over the world, and so it's a bit of a logistical nightmare. That's why I think it's been blown out of proportion a little bit.
"It's funny, making a film stops you believing anything you've ever read on the Internet."
"I'd definitely describe it as: It's got dark tone. The studio has been very supportive of that. I mean, the sort of tone we were going for when we started was the tone you have in films like The Empire Strikes Back. And that's not in any way been compromised."
"There's nothing about the story that's changing, with a few things that we're picking up in additional photography. I think that's the most important thing, to reassure fans that it's the movie we intended to make."
"Star Wars: Rogue One" has a December 16, 2016 release directed by Gareth Edwards starring Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Ben Mendelsohn, Donnie Yen, Jiang Wen, Forest Whitaker, Mads Mikkelsen, Alan Tudyk, who plays a performance-capture character in Rogue One, and Riz Ahmed.
Rogue One tells the story of resistance fighters who have united to steal plans to the dreaded Death Star.
Star Wars: Rogue One Coming To Star Wars Celebration Europe
Disney has announced Kathleen Kennedy and Star Wars: Rogue One director Gareth Edwards will be attending Star Wars Celebration Europe for an opening day event at the massive fan gathering this July.
Warwick Davis and David Collins will be present as the Stage Hosts, and Mark Hamill from Star Wars: Episode VIII will be at Star Wars Celebration as well.
"Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about?" Find out, when Gareth Edwards — director of the upcoming Rogue One: A Star Wars Story — joins Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy and some special guests for a Rogue One panel at Celebration Europe on July 15 for what is sure to be a can't-miss event! Visit starwarscelebration.com for tickets, and check back closer to the show for queuing and wristband details.
Star Wars Celebration presents cast and crew from across the Star Wars saga, plus pop culture personalities, artists and writers, and celebrities who love Star Wars. With new Star Wars movies on the horizon, Celebration will be the first place to meet those behind the future of the galaxy far, far away! Guests will be announced right here and be on the look-out for surprise guests, too, as there's no telling who might make special appearances at Celebration!
Watch: Mark Hamill's Star Wars: Force For Change Video
The Star Wars: Force For Change charity campaign is back for 2016.
Above you can watch Disney's Kathleen Kennedy and Mark Hamill announcing a new fundraiser, with Hamill joking about having the lack of any dialogue in Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
In this special video, Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy and Star Wars legend Mark Hamill announce a new Star Wars: The Force Awakens campaign: Starting April 5, Star Wars: Force for Change will match the donations of Star Wars fans to four select charities up to $1 million!
You can donate and enter for a chance to win a trip to visit Skellig Michael in Ireland (crowdrise.com/ForceForChange) where Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Star Wars: Episode VIII were filmed.
Mark Hamill is currently filming Star Wars: Episode VIII as well.
Star Wars: Episode VIII has a December 16, 2017 release directed by Rian Johnson starring Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Adam Driver, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Lupita Nyong'o, Domhnall Gleeson, Anthony Daniels, Gwendoline Christie, Andy Serkis, Benicio Del Toro, Laura Dern and Kelly Marie Tran.
Star Wars: Episode VIII announcement teaser:
Star Wars: The Force Awakens Mexico City Fan Event & Q&A Images
[[wysiwyg_imageupload:23164:]]
Check out a batch of images from the recent Star Wars: The Force Awakens fan event and Q&A held in Mexico City.
"Star Wars: The Force Awakens" has a December 18, 2015 release directed by J.J. Abrams from a screenplay by Lawrence Kasdan and Abrams. Kathleen Kennedy, J.J. Abrams, and Bryan Burk are producing, and John Williams returns as the composer.
Actors John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, Andy Serkis, Domhnall Gleeson, Max von Sydow, Lupita Nyong'o and Gwendoline Christie will join the original stars of the saga, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and Kenny Baker in the new film.
Click to enlarge:
Lupita Nyong'o, Adam Driver & More Star Wars: The Force Awakens Character Images
With today being Star Wars Day, in addition to the new behind-the-scenes featurette, check out a look at characters from Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Composer John Williams, producer and Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, co-writer Lawrence Kasdan, and director and co-writer Abrams
J. J. Abrams directs Actress Daisy Ridley for a scene in which her character, the young heroine Rey, pilots her speeder through a bustling marketplace on the planet Jakku.
Dashing Resistance pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) stands alongside his trusty X-wing fighter.
Galactic travelers, smugglers, and other assorted riffraff fill the main hall of pirate Maz Kanata's castle.
A small galaxy's worth of tracking dots affixed to Lupita Nyong'o's face allowed artists at Industrial Light & Magic to transform her into the C.G.I. character Maz Kanata.
Next-generation bad guy Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) commands snowtroopers loyal to the evil First Order on the frozen plains of their secret base.
(via Vanity Fair)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer:
Future Star Wars Canon To Be Connected; Previous EU Called "Legendary"
A few days ago, the executive producer on the animated Star Wars Rebels series, Simon Kinberg, mentioned that only the movies would be canon for Star Wars.
Now, StarWars.com and Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy have confirmed the news and announced the preceding Star Wars Expanded Universe would be referred to as "The Legendary Star Wars."
This is pretty much what George Lucas has been saying all along: that none of the novels are considered canon, and just the movie related Star Wars projects (and Clone Wars) are canon. Timothy Zahn, writer of the Thrawn Trilogy, said the same in a previous interview: "The books were always just the books."
It is said, however, that going forward all aspects of Star Wars storytelling moving forward will be connected.
They also confirmed that under Kathleen Kennedy's direction, Disney for the first time ever has formed a story group to oversee and coordinate all Star Wars creative development.
"We have an unprecedented slate of new Star Wars entertainment on the horizon," said Kennedy. "We're set to bring Star Wars back to the big screen, and continue the adventure through games, books, comics, and new formats that are just emerging. This future of interconnected storytelling will allow fans to explore this galaxy in deeper ways than ever before."
Here's the relevant info:
[George] Lucas always made it clear that he was not beholden to the EU. He set the films he created as the canon. This includes the six Star Wars episodes…
Now, with an exciting future filled with new cinematic installments of Star Wars, all aspects of Star Wars storytelling moving forward will be connected. Under Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy's direction, the company for the first time ever has formed a story group to oversee and coordinate all Star Wars creative development.
In order to give maximum creative freedom to the filmmakers and also preserve an element of surprise and discovery for the audience, Star Wars Episodes VII-IX will not tell the same story told in the post-Return of the Jedi Expanded Universe. While the universe that readers knew is changing, it is not being discarded. Creators of new Star Wars entertainment have full access to the rich content of the Expanded Universe. For example, elements of the EU are included in Star Wars Rebels. The Inquisitor, the Imperial Security Bureau, and Sienar Fleet Systems are story elements in the new animated series, and all these ideas find their origins in roleplaying game material published in the 1980s.
Demand for past tales of the Expanded Universe will keep them in print, presented under the new Legends banner.
On the screen, the first new canon to appear will be Star Wars Rebels. In print, the first new books to come from this creative collaboration include novels from Del Rey Books. First to be announced, John Jackson Miller is writing a novel that precedes the events of Star Wars Rebels and offers insight into a key character's backstory, with input directly from executive producers Dave Filoni, Simon Kinberg, and Greg Weisman.
Kathleen Kennedy Further Confirms Spinoffs Are Origins? Characters Not Featured In Episodes VII, VIII, IX
Some new Star Wars news surfaces out of the recent LucasFilm Singapore Sandcrawler HQ unveiling in regards to the spinoff movies and the upcoming episodes (VII, VIII, IX).
Kathleen Kennedy, president of LucasFilm, offered the following in regards to Star Wars canon (via SlashFilm and ToyrsREvil):
George was so clear as to how that works. The canon that he created was the Star Wars saga. Right now, episode seven falls within that canon. The spin-off movies, or we may come up with some other way to call those films, they exist within that vast universe that he created," she says.
"There is no attempt being made to carry characters (from the standalone films) in and out of the saga episodes. Consequently, from the creative standpoint, it's a roadmap that George made pretty clear," she adds.
So what is Kennedy actually stating?
Well, at this point that seems to be anybody's guess.
She seems to be stating that the Star Wars spinoff characters won't mingle or interact with the Episodes, right?
Now that could mean the spinoffs may feature younger versions of the characters, as without time travel, they wouldn't appear in the later Episodes (hence fitting her argument that the standalone spinoff characters won't be carried in and out of the saga episodes – as they are set in different time periods).
She could also be stating that the spinoffs will not be considered canon. If I have my facts straight, George Lucas only considers Episodes 1-6 canon. All the books, comics, games etc. are not canon, but would be considered a part of the general "Star Wars" universe. Or as Kennedy perhaps puts it: "vast universe." This seems unlikely and a bit ridiculous as having a major motion picture essentially not "technically" being a part of Star Wars would be pointless, at least in my opinion.
I'm guessing she is slyly stating the movies are going to be set in different time periods, because if we literally read into the above (assuming it's correct), she is stating if one of the spinoff movie characters gets super popular, the character has no chance of appearing in an Episode. I can't see that happening.
Sounds to me like she is confirming the spinoff movies are origins just as a Disney chief financial officer did back in September.
Rumored spinoff movies include Boba Fett, Han Solo and Yoda.
Have a different interpretation of Kennedy's words? Let us know in the comments below.
The good news is that we don't have to figure it out as it recently became known that Disney has a consulting group regarding canon.
Lucasfilm's New Sandcrawler Singapore HQ Already Working On The Avengers 2
George Lucas was on hand for the opening of LucasFilm's new regional headquarters in Singapore where the building is modeled after the Sandcrawler, which is the iconic transportation vehicle of the Jawas from Star Wars.
President of LucasFilm, Kathleen Kennedy, was also present, in addition to Darth Vader and the Stormtroopers, where she revealed the Singapore office is already underway working on The Avengers 2 and Transformers 4.
The Singapore office works on animation and visual effects with it also said the office will be working on Star Wars: Episode VII.
Check out some images and video from the press event below.
The Singapore office also had a hand with the visual effects for the Iron Man movies, Pacific Rim and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
The Avengers 2 opens May 1, 2015; Transformers: Age of Extinction has a June 27, 2014 release and Star Wars: Episode VII is slated for December 18, 2015.
Images via Bloomberg:
Star Wars: Episode VII Set Photo Features R2-D2
J.J. Abrams has released a behind-the-scenes set image of R2-D2 for Star Wars: Episode VII.
The official Bad Robot Twitter released the image with: "Hi from the workshop!"
"Star Wars: Episode VII" has a 2015 release directed by J.J. Abrams.
For more news on a galaxy far, far away head on over to the Cosmic Book News Star Wars movie hub.
More Trouble For Star Wars Episode VII? Release Date Delay Requested & Denied
Recently it became known that J.J. Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan took over writing duties on Star Wars: Episode VII from Michael Arndt.
Now word hits that Kathleen Kennedy, president of LucasFilm, asked Disney for a delay in the release for the new Star Wars to 2016, with reportedly CEO Bob Iger giving it the big thumbs down.
The news comes from The Hollywood Reporter where it's stated the script for Star Wars: Episode VII is nowhere near being ready. There is also some potential issues over casting with it said Abrams is doing all the casting while another says Kennedy is still involved.
The report goes to to say that Kathleen Kennedy and most of the film's creative team have asked Disney for the delayed 2016 release date for Star Wars: Episode VII, but Bob Iger denied the request as he is adamant about the 2015 release as it sets up things to come with Episodes VIII and IX, as well as the spinoff movies.
Regarding the departure of Michael Arndt, it's said he already completed a 40-50 page film treatment prior to Disney purchasing LucasFilm and has been working on Star Wars: Episode VII for almost a year. The report goes on to state that Arndt commands a whopping $300,000 per week for rewrites, and while it's not specifically stated cost is a factor, it is insinuated as a reason for letting him go. The reason the report states for Arndt's departure is that the writer is ready to move on to other projects. It's further stated that a source said it's not unheard of to get a new writer on a big movie.
The news comes at an interesting time as many fans have been expecting announcements about the new Star Wars at recent conventions – and yesterday marked the one year anniversary of Disney aquring Lucasfilm – but nothing has come as of yet.
The report also states that the 2015 release also leaves no room for error, and that they must "get it right" the first time.
Live Star Wars Episode VII & Rebels Production News Rumored To Be Released Digitally With Final Clone War Episodes
A new rumor has landed online stating that Disney and LucasFilm are moving into the digital distribution game with Apple as it's reported live production news from the set of Star Wars: Episode VII and the new Star Wars: Rebels animated series will be made available through an App as well as the final episodes of Clone Wars.
The Star Wars fan site, Jedi News, has it from an insider source that a Disney App will launch on Apple TV which will exclusively include the final episodes to Clone Wars.
It's also said that in 2014, plans are underway to use the new platform to distribute Star Wars Episode VII news live from the sets, as well as from Star Wars: Rebels all the way through to Episode 7's release.
The report goes on to state that the new App will be available only on Apple TV devices capable of running iOS 7, with no confirmation of the other devices such as the iPhone or iPad.
Interestingly enough, Kathleen Kennedy, head of LucasFilm, previously stated in an interview (below around the 1:15 mark) that in regards to internet spoilers and such that they need to embrace it:
We talk about that all the time. I think the whole issue of confidentiality is going to be fascinating as we move into making the movie. If we're shooting anything outside, it's almost impossible to not have things end up on the internet. So my feeling is, you need to embrace that, especially with the fans around something like Star Wars. You need to recognize that they are important to the process and acknowledge there are things you're going want to make sure they get to know. So I think that's something we're going to monitor, pay attention to and think differently about.
Star Wars: Episode VII has a 2015 release being directed by J.J. Abrams.
Head on over to the Cosmic Book News Star Wars movie hub for more.
Warwick Davis Interviews Kathleen Kennedy For Star Wars Celebration (Video)
Below you can check out a video with Warwick Davis, who played the Ewok, Wicket, in Return of the Jedi, interviewing the head of Disney's LucasFilm, Kathleen Kennedy, about Star Wars Celebration Europe.
Kennedy remarks that it's great to see the fans show up and also says, regarding Star Wars: Episode VII, that it's going fantastic and that the creative team gets along well.
Kennedy goes on to talk about George Lucas passing the torch as well as how in current meetings for Episode VII there is daily talk about Warwick Davis.
Star Wars: Episode VII goes into production in 2014 directed by J.J. Abrams with a 2015 release date.
Star Wars Episode VII Will Be Scored By John Williams (Video)
In addition to the Star Wars Rebels logo, art, and info coming out of the Star Wars Celebration taking place in Germany, it is confirmed that John Williams will score Episode VII.
Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy announced the news of the legendary composer scoring the soundtrack for J.J. Abrams and Star Wars: Episode VII.
Williams has won 5 Academy Awards, 4 Golden Globe Awards, 7 British Academy Film Awards and 21 Grammy Awards, with a total of 48 Academy Award nominations placing him second to only Walt Disney.
In addition to the Star Wars theme, Williams is known for scoring the music behind Superman, Jaws, Gilligan's Island, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Saving Private Ryan, Lincoln and loads more.
Updated: With video interview below.
Star Wars Episode VII is due to go into production next year for a 2015 release.
Head on over to the Cosmic Book News Star Wars hub for more news.
Star Wars: Episode VII Production Announced For UK
Disney announced that Star Wars: Episode VII will shoot in the UK, the same location as the previous six films.
"We've devoted serious time and attention to revisiting the origins of Star Wars as inspiration for our process on the new movie, and I'm thrilled that returning to the UK for production and utilizing the incredible talent there can be a part of that," Kathleen Kennedy, President of Lucasfilm, said. "Speaking from my own longstanding connection to the UK with films like Raiders of the Lost Ark, Empire of the Sun and recently War Horse, it's very exciting to be heading back."
Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, added. "I am delighted that Star Wars is coming back to Britain. Today's announcement that the next Star Wars film will be shot and produced in the UK is great news for fans and our creative industries."
Star Wars Episode VII has a 2015 release date directed by J.J. Abrams.
(via StarWars.com)
Star Wars Episode VII Pre-Production Starts In Spring; Director Named In January?
[[wysiwyg_imageupload:4720:]]We get a brief update on the status of the new Star Wars Episode VII movie slated for 2015.
Kathleen Kennedy, who is overseeing Star Wars for Disney, revealed that pre-production for the movie will begin this Spring and that more will be made known in January.
"I have no immediate update, but hopefully in January I'll have something that I can say," Kennedy informed ABCNewsRadio.
As of yet, no director is attached to the movie, which has a script being written by Michael Arndt.
Among the rumored contenders is Matthew Vaughn, who mysteriously bowed of directing X-Men: Days of Future Past.
Iron Man director John Favreau also said he is pursuing Star Wars.
It's thought that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford will reprise their characters setting up a new generation of Star Wars characters and movies.
It's also been said that there will be Star Wars spin-off movies, with Empire Strikes Back writer Lawrence Kasdan, and Simon Kinberg (Sherlock Holmes, X-Men: Days of Future Past) on board to possibly write them.
For more Star Wars news head on over to the Cosmic Book News Star Wars Movie Hub.
2-3 Star Wars Films A Year; Episode VII Will Feature Original Characters
We get an update on Star Wars from Kathleen Kennedy, who is spearheading the new movies for Disney.
In the recent issue of Entertainment Weekly, Kennedy reveals that she wants to put out two or three films a year.
Now, it doesn't exactly read "Star Wars" movies, as Indiana Jones is also included with Lucasfilm, but producer Frank Marshall previously let it be known that Indiana Jones is on the back burner.
Furthermore, they could be animated films, children's films or Star Wars adapted made-for-tv films.
Could you image 2 or 3 Star Wars movies a year?!
It's also stated in the magazine that Star Wars Episode VII will feature the original characters as well as taking place after the events of Return of the Jedi that saw Vader give up his life for Luke.
Here's the full quote (via Kotaku):
Lucasfilm's co-chairman and soon-to-be president, Kathleen Kennedy, has told employees she wants the company to produce two or three films a year (it's averaged fewer than four per decade), and first up is Star Wars: Episode VII for 2015, which will pick up sometime after Darth Vader gave his life to overthrow (figuratively and literally) the Emperor and save Luke in 1983's Episode VI— Return of the Jedi. Yes, the plan is to return to the characters in the first trilogy (1977–83). Whether the original actors will have significant roles or merely be on hand to pass the baton to a new generation of actors—something Lucasfilm tried with mixed success with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Disney with TRON: Legacy—is unclear.
Star Wars Episode VII has a 2015 release date.
Star Wars Not Like Harry Potter Says Kathleen Kennedy (Video)
I suppose depending how you look at it, Star Wars being described as not like Harry Potter can either be a good thing or a bad thing.
Disney released Part 2 of the Kathleen Kennedy and George Lucas Star Wars Disney interview.
They are pretty much mum on what we can expect from Star Wars Episode VII in 2015, but do confirm they have spoken to a couple writers.
George Lucas offers that his creative consultant role means he will be helping with the script as there are a lot of gaps to fill.
Kathleen Kennedy, the veteran producer on the likes of Schindler's List, The Sixth Sense, Jurassic Park, Hook, Indiana Jones, Poltergeist, and E.T. then said that Star Wars isn't Harry Potter.
"This is not like a series of books like Harry Potter where you've already got a template of what the stories might be," Kennedy says. "These are original stories and original ideas that come out of a world that is essentially in George's head."
Kennedy's statements reflect what we have previously heard in that the Star Wars movies will not be based on any of the previous novels or comic books, but be all-new.
The pair then discuss future filmmakers on the Star Wars movies and what sort of director they are looking for.
"Enthusiasm, having a sense of how to tell stories within complex worlds like this," Kennedy offers. "There are many people who sprang to mind, with writers and directors that I've worked with in the past, that I'm really excited to try to bring into the fold on this. I think we have an unique opportunity to go after some incredibly talented people. It's not going to people who don't already have some affinity for Star Wars already, probably. It's going to be somebody who really appreciates what Star Wars meant to them and is excited to dive in and be a part of this. That's the thing that I think will become immediately apparent are the directors who walk in the door and say, 'I can't wait to be a part of this.'"
Check out the full video below.
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Come and relax. Watch your favorite sport team play, enjoy a couple of drinks with your friends or colleagues.
Don't feel like leaving the house... Order online and enjoy our awesome food from the comfort of you home.
After many years of friendship and almost 30 years of saying "We should open a place together". Chris and Jim opened Red Rock Bar and Grill, with friendly atmosphere, great food.
Come enjoy a couple drinks with any of our excellent menu options. We have a special every single day of the week!


text:
Road Traffic (Amendment) Act 1989
on 14 Apr 1989
4 New section 6A
Published in Acts Supplement on 14 Apr 1989
NO. 17] Friday, April 14 [1989
The following Act was passed by Parliament on 7th April 1989 and assented to by the President on 13th April 1989:—
WEE KIM WEE
13th April 1989.
Date of Commencement: 17th April 1989
An Act to amend the Road Traffic Act (Chapter 276 of the 1985 Revised Edition).
1. This Act may be cited as the Road Traffic (Amendment) Act 1989 and shall come into operation on such date as the Minister may, by notification in the Gazette, appoint.
2. Section 2(1) of the Road Traffic Act (referred to in this Act as the principal Act) is amended by inserting, immediately after the definition of "Minister", the following definition:
" "motor spirit" has the same meaning as in the Customs Act (Cap. 70);".
3. Section 6 of the principal Act is amended by deleting paragraph (f) and substituting the following paragraph:
"(f) to regulate the appliances to be fitted —
(i) for signalling the approach of a vehicle or enabling the driver of a motor vehicle to become aware of the approach of another vehicle from the rear;
(ii) for intimating any intended change of speed or direction of a motor vehicle; or
(iii) for measuring or indicating or measuring and indicating the amount of motor spirit in the fuel tank of a motor vehicle,
and to regulate or prohibit the use of any such appliance and to secure that they shall be efficient and kept in proper working order;".
New section 6A
4. The principal Act is amended by inserting, immediately after section 6, the following section:
"Alteration of fuel-measuring equipment
6A.—(1) No person shall alter the fuel-measuring equipment of a motor vehicle for the purpose of preventing the fuel-measuring equipment from duly measuring or indicating the quantity of motor spirit in the fuel supply tank of the motor vehicle.
(2) Any person who contravenes or fails to comply with subsection (1) shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding $5,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 months.
(3) Where there is found any artificial or mechanical means which, either alone or in conjunction with additional artificial or mechanical means not found, could be used for altering or facilitating the alteration of the index of the fuel-measuring equipment, or which would make the fuel-measuring equipment false or unjust in measuring or indicating the quantity of motor spirit in the fuel supply tank of that motor vehicle, the person having custody or control of the motor vehicle at the time such artificial or mechanical means are found shall be presumed, until the contrary is proved, to have abetted the alteration of the fuel-measuring equipment in contravention of subsection (1).
(4) In this section, "fuel-measuring equipment", in relation to a motor vehicle, means any instrument or appliance, or a combination of instruments or appliances, capable of or constructed for measuring or indicating or measuring and indicating the quantity of motor spirit in the fuel supply tank of the motor vehicle and includes in particular any fuel gauge or fuel sensoring device.".


The tanker carrying the water, the first of 8.0 million cubic metres being shipped from Greece, sailed to Greek Cyprus at the end of June.
Drought-stricken Greek Cyprus is unable to distribute a shipment of water from Greece directly to households because it smells bad, authorities said on Wednesday.
A tanker containing 40,000 cubic metres of water has been anchored off the parched Mediterranean island's south coast for two weeks awaiting completion of the infrastructure needed to bring it onshore.
The Greek Cypriot agriculture ministry said the water's quality remains good but it has a bad odour, possibly because of its extended storage time or treatment with chlorine. Consequently, it will be channelled into an acquifer rather than directly into the island's water network as previously indicated.
"It will be deposited in the acquifer, to replenish it and where it will undergo a natural filtering process," said water department official Kyriakos Kyrou, who denied the water would be discarded.
Greek Cyprus is experiencing one of its worst water shortages. It desalinates sea water, but not enough to cover the needs of its 800,000 people and visitors at the height of the tourist season.
But it could not be distributed on arrival because the infrastructure was not ready to pump it out of the boat.
Greek Cyprus's reservoirs were 6.7 percent full on Wednesday.
Emergency measures have rationed running water to households, while some boreholes supplying communities have been shut down because they are at risk of seawater contamination.
"We only have (running) water twice a week," said Niki Soteriou, 27. "What is even worse is that they are now saying that our water is not safe for consumption so I am not even giving my dog any tap water to drink in case it harms him."


text:
Review: The Incoherents
Movies about rock n' roll often revel in the glamor of it all. Sex and drugs, the inevitable rise to fame, and then the fall from graces are often the key elements. It is refreshing that The Incoherents avoids all that. This is not a film about the allure of rock n' roll but rather about the joy of playing music. The Incoherents were a band in the '90s. They were part of the grunge and alternative boom and could have been something big. However, their lead singer decided to quit right as they were gaining attention. Now they are all in their 40's and Bruce (Jeff Auer) decides to not let his dream die and tries to get the band back together for a few shows. One of the smart things about this small indie comedy is that it never plays up the band's chances at a second shot at stardom. Sure there is a plot around the Governor's Ball and a spot for a local band but the film never lets you believe that The Incoherents will be the chosen band. What this does is help to separate the film from other "chase the dream" films. We get to understand that playing music is just fun for these guys. It pulls them out of their hum-drum lives and gives them something to care about. And that is enough for the film which results in a surprisingly effective message. The cast really helps sell the band's dynamic. Auer is good in the lead, perfectly summing up mid-life malaise. Alex Emanual, Walter Hoffman, and Casey Clark all have a strong dynamic together. They feel like old friends and bandmates. While The Incoherents is often funny and engaging, it does have a few pacing issues. The film could use a few fewer montages and a shorter runtime to make it a bit punchier. The film has a nice look to it, shot in what feels like a real music club often. It understands small details of being in a band such as the pains and joys of only playing to six people. The original music by Alex Emanuel and Jeff Auer feels authentic. A surprise cameo by Chris Barron of The Spin Doctors only confirms the love for this era of music. These qualities make it easy to overlook a few pacing issues and low production techniques. Overall, The Incoherents is one to catch.


text:
Patriots, Crooks and Safety-Firsters
Colonels of the Canadian Expeditionary Force
The Sidelined
August 5, 2015 August 6, 2015 / Matthew K Barrett
Lieutenant Colonel Herbert Snell
46th (South Saskatchewan) Battalion
May it be our part to play some useful role in the daily life of this great nation during the days of peace as all so faithfully played during the days of conflict, and so, in some way, because of what has come to us of good from our past experiences, the Canada which we shall pass on to those who come after us may reflect those guiding principles which alone exalteth a nation.
(Snell, 46th Battalion CEF – Year Book, 1926, 4)
Herbert Snell was born on 20 August 1880 in Stockbridge, England. As a boy, his family immigrated to Ontario. At twenty-five, Snell went west to become a retail merchant in Moose Jaw. He was appointed commanding officer of the newly creation 60th Regiment in 1913. Although overlooked during the organization of the First Contingent, Snell received authorization to raise the 46th Battalion in early 1915.
After sailing for England in October 1915, the battalion was reorganized. Some troops went to reinforcement drafts, while others joined from the 65th. After returning to England from an instructional tour with the 31st Battalion, Snell was nearly killed in a training accident. After a private dropped a live grenade, the colonel rushed to jump on the bomb. The explosion killed the private and wounded several others. Snell suffered serious injuries to his face and chest.
Although promised that his battalion would not deploy without him, the 46th left for France in August 1916 under the command of Lieutenant Colonel H. J. Dawson. A recovered Snell later took over the 9th Reserve Brigade. After the battle of Vimy Ridge, Snell temporarily rejoined his old unit in France on a tour of the front.
With his Moose Jaw business closed during his absence, after the war, Snell joined the John Murphy Co. Ltd., in Montreal. He later became vice-president of the Robert Simpson Company. Snell finally succumbed to his lingering war injuries on 12 November 1932.
46th Battalion, Herbert Snell
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Copyright © 2014-2016 · All Rights Reserved · Matthew K Barrett


text:
Fiction | 'A Day in the Life of Rakhal Roy' by Rahad Abir | Issue 41 (May, 2021)
One morning Rakhal Roy wakes up in bed and finds himself completely bald.
It is not a bald patch or a bald spot. It is complete, clean baldness. Sleek, silky, smooth. He runs a confused hand over his head, back and forth. He feels nothing there. Not a single hair. He remembers sleeping as usual on his left side with his arm under his head. He wonders if he is having that tormenting dream again. For months, he has been having a recurring nightmare that he was going bald. He has got so used to it that he has started to believe it.
Is he drifting between sleep and wakefulness? He senses this time it's no dream: the sounds and smells are familiar. He turns his face to the only window in his small room. Outside, the morning sun of Dhaka shines brightly. The alarm must have gone off a while ago. He has about an hour to take a shower, have a large breakfast and get ready to go to the office. He works as an insurance salesman. Today's assignment is at the head office of a bank. It will be a long day. His boss has arranged everything for him. And they are expecting ten to fifteen fresh, first-rate policies from there. He must not call off work last minute for any reason whatsoever, even for death itself.
What's to be done? He rubs his head again. It's as slippery as mustard oil. Why has the bad dream—the nightmare—come true? He curses himself. There is no mirror in the room. So he has no idea how enormously his old look has changed. Why doesn't he simply jump out of bed and start his regular activities? Maybe no one will notice?
It is already 7.55. Rakhal tries to block his thoughts. He gets up, opens the door a little and scans the hallway. There is no one there. He does a quick calculation. His unemployed, busybody elder brother is still in bed. Father is out for morning air, and mother is in the kitchen. He puts one foot out of the doorway, and then scuttles to the bathroom.
The instant his eyes fall upon the mirror, he almost loses balance. The image staring back looks so unlike him. His heart stops beating until he is certain it is really himself: Rakhal Roy. His bare head looks as if there has been no hair from the day he was born. He feels older than a very old man. And he notices his ears stick out from his bald head: from each side they look like elephant ears. For God's sake, how could this have happened to him? he thinks. He is too young to be old. He tries to recall when his hair disaster began. It started, like a waning moon, with a thinning widow's peak. Then at a snail's pace the balding moved backward. But however good or bad or ugly the situation was, he still had hair. Until last night. Until he woke up this morning.
For a moment, he is under the impression that he has lost not only the hair on his head, but all his body hair. He feels more naked than ever. Looking in the mirror, he touches his face. He still has facial hair. A great relief. He needs a shave. But he decides not to. He will grow a beard. He takes off his clothes. Being a man of twenty-three, below average height, he looks younger than his years. He has a bit of hair on his chest. A small trail of hair runs down to his belly button and continues down. His hand caresses his lush, lavish and vigorous pubic hair. A smirk grows on his face. What if the world turns upside down? Then he does what he is often used to doing: a woman appears naked in his mind. A naughty smile flickers across her lips. He feels her warm breath. His breathing quickens. He groans.
He turns on the shower. His hand from regular habit reaches for the shampoo. This one came from New York. He immediately realizes that it will be no use for him. Not anymore. In the basin cabinet more things will go unused. Baldpate hair tonic, organic shampoos, dusty hair gel tubes and much more. He cries.
As he comes out of the bathroom, he hears a shriek. It is his mother in the hallway.
"Ma, it's me, Rakhal," he says quickly.
"Huh?" She gapes at him, staring in disbelief.
"I'm running late, Ma. Is breakfast ready?" He makes for his room.
"Oh God, you scared me!" she says. "Where's your hair gone?"
"I shaved it," Rakhal says, slamming the door behind him.
He wears a white and blue striped shirt, pleated khaki pants, and a flat, charcoal cap to cover his head. As he sits down at the dining table, he hears the click of the door. His father walks in.
The old eyes squint. "Who's this?" Holding the door half-open father studies him. "Ah, Rakhal! What happened to your hair?"
Rakhal does not reply. His mother does. His father claims he looks comical in the cap.
"No one in my family was bald. Not even on your mother's side. How did this happen to you?" Father says.
Rakhal gives his father a stern look. The old man is right though. His sixty-five-plus skull is clearly ageing, but with no sign of balding.
The bus stop is a two-minute walk. At a hurried pace, Rakhal keeps his head low and his eyes on the street. He thinks everybody is staring at the naked spots showing beneath his cap.
By the time he arrives at the office, the clock has struck 10:22. He makes no eye contact with anyone as he walks past. His heart starts thumping the moment he approaches his boss's room. Just outside the door, he tries to gather his composure. The boss gazes at him with a fierce frown as he enters the room.
"Who the hell are you?" The boss sits erect in his chair. His shirt has no creases, nor his pants. His shoes are glossy enough to reflect one's face. And his individual scent accents his big boss cologne. Everything about him is distinct and distinguishing.
The boss has recognized him, Rakhal can tell from his eyes. Before he opens his mouth, the boss snaps.
"This is an insurance office, not a fashion house. Why this metamorphosis?"
Rakhal answers that he has had his head shaved. He sneaks a glance at the to-grey-or-not-to-grey hair of the boss, which looks brainy with his olive skin tone.
"Fair enough," the boss says. He looks Rakhal over from head to toe. Then in a strange, steady voice he tells him yet again the gravity of good looks, especially when it comes to being a terrific salesman. He finds Rakhal's hairless head and hairy face totally unacceptable and unlikable. Therefore, in no way can Rakhal continue working for the company.
"But sir—" Rakhal attempts to protest.
"Let me tell you the harsh truth," the boss cuts him off. "Over the last six months, the number of policies you have brought in for the company is not impressive. I don't think you're a good fit for this profession. You're simply not an insurance sales kind of guy. You'd better make a career change."
"But sir, I'm trying, and I'm not doing that bad."
Speaking of selling policies, the boss always presents himself as a stellar example. He is a perfect insurance man in every way. He said that no one in the office has been able to break his record. Rakhal believes the secret to his success is his attractive looks rather than his powers of persuasion.
"Listen, the bottom line is, I can't send a baldy agent to my clients. Simple as that," the boss concludes. He tells Rakhal not to worry about today's assignment and points him to the door.
Rakhal does not go to his desk. He slips into the restroom, turns on the faucet and looks in the mirror. The image of a forlorn and beaten soul stares back at him. He thinks. Should he go back and see the HR and payroll office to sort everything out? Or should he wait a few days to see if the boss changes his mind? No, nothing will change. Rakhal knows it. He is fired.
An hour later, sitting in a roadside tea shop, Rakhal watches people in the street. They have hair. They have jobs. They have destinations. What did he have? He sighs. At one o'clock he can go to meet his girl if he wants. He wonders how she will take him.
His girlfriend works at an elementary school. At first glance she takes him for a stranger. When he waves at her she shrinks back as if a phantom has appeared before her.
"Oh my! Is it really you?" she cries.
Rakhal notices the same frown as the one he saw on his boss's face. The same question mark on her perfect arched eyebrows. "I shaved my head," he says.
"I see," she says. "We need to talk. Let's go to the park."
On the way she doesn't say a word. Under the June sky the park and its visitors are in siesta. They sit by the lake.
"Now, look at me," she blurts out. And without warning she seizes his cap.
"Oh my God!" her eyes pop out.
Rakhal allows her time to absorb it, makes no haste to get his cap back.
"Okay, who am I in your life?" she asks sharply.
"You're my girlfriend."
"Am I?" she says. "You didn't even bother asking me before doing this…this… circumcision! You don't care about me at all."
"I do care about you," he says.
"I don't believe you. Tell me the bald truth."
"I am telling the truth!"
"No, you are not!"
He is silent.
"Okay, here is my baldest truth. I can't stand baldies. So we are done! Right here, on this bald spot!" She is red, breathless with anger.
"You know—" Rakhal stammers, "it just happened." He takes her hand.
"It just happened?" she shouts, shoving his hand away. "This is not the first time. You never share anything. You never care about my opinion. I'm sick of you!"
She sounds like a stranger. She says she's warned him several times. He watches her flaming lips move. He even has a sudden impulse to plant a kiss there. But he doesn't. And says nothing. He wonders how a short, bone-thin woman can have such a piercing, potent voice.
"I tell you what, I'll return the favor. This time I'm not going to bother listening to you. I'm done with you. Goodbye." The words gush out from her mouth in one breath.
She springs to her feet. Without waiting for any reply, without looking back, she strides towards the street. Rakhal attempts to stop her but it is in vain. Her dark hair flows behind her, rising and falling with each angry step. His eyes become blurred. His chin trembles. A warm wave of memory flashes through him. She has ended as she began. He looks back on the day they met. About a year ago, after school, she said, "I need to talk to you. Let's go to the park."
Rakhal wakes up with a start. He finds himself reclining on a bench. The park is darkening. Has he been sleeping long? He thinks and yawns. After his girl walked out on him, he didn't leave the park. He bought a newspaper and read every article word by word.
He feels achy and lethargic. His stomach growls. Then he remembers he didn't have lunch. Instantly an instinct tells him that something is missing. He touches his crown. The cap is not there. He looks around, but there is no sign of it. He rises and checks his pants' pockets. His wallet and phone are fine. Someone must have walked off with his cap while he was asleep, he figures.
The dark is now deeper. The presence of people around him is light. A hawker passes him carrying a flask of tea. Rakhal calls him over. He has two buns with two cups of tea. Afterward, he fires up a cigarette and gets on his feet. His body unjams. In the cool night breeze, he sniffs the smells of some familiar flowers. He avoids the walkway and wanders over the pristine grass. It saves him from embarrassment in the low lighting Victorian lamp posts. And from the few kissing couples who might have noticed his cap is missing.
Once upon a time, not many years ago, he had hung out with his friends in this park. He had a full head of hair then. Hair that was dark, healthy, and suitable for his Facebook profile picture. Ever since he started losing his hair, he hated running into old friends. With a funny look at his head, they taunted: "Seems we can call you Uncle Rakhal now."
Rakhal tries not to look back. He tries not to think of so many things. Family, friends, work, his woman or his hair. He rests on a shadowy bench. The park has emptied out. He lights another cigarette, puffs in and out. He watches the rising smoke with intrigue.
Something moves in the darkness of the trees. Little by little a human figure emerges. A woman in black. She advances with hesitant steps, then stops. She eyes him in silence and comes close.
"You need?" she says in a near whisper.
Rakhal stares at her. Still.
"All kinds. It's safe here. No police."
He likes her wording. "How does it work?"
"First time?" The woman sits at the corner of his bench, keeping a distance. "Well," she says, "it depends how you wanna do it. Sitting, standing or lying? Sitting or standing fifty. For lying a hundred bucks."
Rakhal controls himself so as not to explode with laughter. All day this is the only moment something amusing has happened. "If I try the full course? All three?
The woman narrows her unthoughtful eyes. "You kidding, right?"
"Nope." Rakhal looks at her intently. She is kind of pretty, and younger than him. Not wanting to spoil the charm of the night, he adds at once, "Yes, I was kidding. I'm sorry."
She rises and starts towards trees where she appeared from.
"Listen," he calls out, "I'll do it."
She stops short, turns her head a little and gives him the once-over.
"Here's the money." Rakhal holds out a hundred-taka bill.
She comes back. "You wanna do it right here?" She slips the bill into her bra.
He asks how much time he will get. She says fifteen to twenty minutes.
"Could you simply talk to me for that time instead?" he says.
"You not gonna do it?" She squints and surveys him. "Are you a virgin?"
Rakhal laughs.
"Yeah? I knew it." She says with a friendly grin. "No worries, man. I know how to take care of a virgin."
"Listen, night queen," he says. "I had a bad day, the worst of the worst of my life. It's a life-and-death situation. I just want you to talk to me for a while."
"Ahh," she says. "Now I get it. Okay, okay, I'll give you half an hour." She smiles a sweet smile.
Beneath her cheap makeup he sees a compassionate face. Black eyes penciled with kajal. Sad lips with flattering red. All a little exaggerated. Short and stout, she has dark hair and dark skin. He asks her name. She says Mariam. He wonders what else he can ask. He checks his phone, ten minutes to ten. He turns it off. Mariam talks about the park. She talks about the police. She says they rarely visit this place. When they do, they only ask for money or a free fuck; sometimes both. "They're the nastiest creatures on the planet," she says. He agrees.
Mariam keeps him company for over thirty minutes. Then she disappears into some trees. Rakhal feels a desire to follow her. But he sits unmoved, and for a long moment stares in the direction she went. He sighs, scratches his stubble and takes a walk. After a time, he returns to the bench. Mariam who was right here, Rakhal reflects, has gone to another man now. "Slutty bitch," he says to himself. He pictures a paunchy man with a big ugly face and stinky mouth cupping her breasts and enjoying her night's virginity. Rakhal rubs his head a couple of times, his breathing ragged. His jaw tightens. He gets up and paces back and forth. And the minute he decides to go find Mariam, he sees her walking up to him.
Rakhal blinks, breathes a big sigh, and beams at her. "Ah, you are back?"
"No customers," she says.
They sit at the bench. He offers her a cigarette. She takes it. He lights up hers and then his. They smoke together. They puff together. They both try to blow smoke rings. Neither of them is good at it, but they keep trying and failing. She giggles. After the fun is over, Mariam stands up to make another round on the lookout for customers. Rakhal proposes another hundred bucks for a second time, to buy another half hour. She hesitates. He insists. So she accepts. They begin to chitchat about this and that. Over cigarettes and smoke.
"You know what," Rakhal turns to her, "it's great to have a cigarette together."
Mariam tilts her head a little. "Aren't you going home tonight?"
"Nothing there," he sighs.
Mariam wraps a strand of hair around her index finger. "I'm going to get some food. Ya wanna eat?"
Rakhal nods. Mariam leaves for a street shop. She comes back with some chapatti and beef fry. They eat hungrily. Her face is so close to his. It is then Rakhal notices that she has a beauty mark on her left cheek. He brushes her cheek with his fingertip. It gently moves over to her redder-than-red lips. She neither stops him nor says anything. His fingertip grazes her full lips. She giggles and shakes her head.
"What?" he asks.
Mariam shakes her head again. "Men suck so bad. They don't kiss, they bite. Their mouths stink. They're horrible." She spreads a Mona Lisa smile. "But you're a good-ass anyway."
Her ribald humor touches him. Mariam sighs.
"Okay," she says. "Enough. Time for business." She stretches out her arms and yawns. "And you, good ass, don't be miserable. Your girlfriend left you? Forget it. There's no love in this world. It's all sex, dirty sex." She gets on her feet.
"Mariam," he looks up at her. "Why don't you spend the night with me?" He pauses. "Let me check how much I've got." He pulls out his wallet and counts his cash.
"Are you serious?" she cries. "Well, I don't mind as long as you can afford it."
Rakhal hands her all the bills. Mariam counts them twice. She curls her lip, bites it and after a moment says yes. Then she folds the bills and buries them in her bra.
"Uhh," she grunts as she sits down. "My nipples burn."
"It's a girly thing," she says in a nonchalant manner. "My period's coming."
Rakhal regards her, an uneducated, uncomplicated and unpretentious woman. "You're interesting," he says.
Mariam snorts with laughter. "You men are dickheads. You think women's bodies are all hush-hush. C'mon, it's an open book. It's on sale, you see. Damn cheap."
Rakhal takes out a cigarette, holds it between his fingers, leaving it unlit.
"You don't want to know how I became a night queen? Everyone does anyway." Mariam says with a shrug. "Men are bastards. All the same."
Rakhal gives her a long look. This woman is not what she seems. He listens to her talking about the beginning of her tragedy. With a strange naturalness she tells him how she lost her virginity. It was her no-good drug-addict stepfather. The abuse began when she was fifteen. A year later she ran away from home.
Rakhal is at a loss for words. Mariam asks for a cigarette. He opens the pack before her. She plucks one out and plants it between her lips. She lights it up herself. He lights his. They smoke together in silence.
"Mariam, can you give me an honest answer?" Rakhal says.
Mariam turns to him.
"How do I truly look?" he says.
She eyes him thoroughly, gives two glances at his top. "You look what you look. Like everybody else. You just have a shaved head. That's it."
His jaw goes slack. "Nothing odd? Or horrible?"
"Nah, you look rather hot."
His eyes glimmer. "Thank you, Mariam. You're a nice person."
Mariam suppresses a shy smile. She wraps and unwraps a small strand of hair around her finger. It strikes him that his ex-girlfriend who's just broken up with him has the same sort of smile. Mariam yawns. He yawns back.
"I'm bored." She takes one last puff on her cigarette and then tosses it. "C'mon, let's do it."
He says nothing.
She stands up. "Come, I'll show you my little secret spot."
Rakhal is still. "It's fine here."
Mariam rolls her eyes. "Hey, good ass, you got any problem there? Why don't you wanna do it?" She pauses. "You take me as sleazy, huh? Go, fuck your mommy then."
Her stabbing voice surprises him. He draws a deep breath and says, "Okay, let's go."
He walks with her. She leads him to a mini-topiary garden where the plants are all at chest height. This is a real privacy hedge. A natural bedroom. A heart of darkness. With a magician's hand, she whips out something folded from inside a hedge. She rolls it out on the grass. It is a poly mat. Rakhal sits there beside Mariam. He can smell her armpit odor mixed with cheesy perfume.
Mariam holds his right shoulder and pushes her breasts against his back. And before giving him any time to swallow the bubble of these moments, she strips off her tunic.
Mariam hugs him from behind. Rakhal feels the fullness of her breasts on his back. This time more intense, sharp. He grows stiff. Warm air blows over his neck.
"Let me take off your shirt," Mariam extends two hands from both sides.
"No one comes here?" his voice nervous.
"There are three other night queens in the park. But this is my territory."
Rakhal lets her unbutton his Egyptian cotton shirt. He scans the surroundings one more time. Without looking over at her, he knows she has unhooked her bra. He shudders when her bare breasts touch his bare back.
"How does it feel?" she presses her hardened nipples into his skin.
"Ohh," he lets out a suppressed breath.
Mariam stretches out her feet. He is now between her legs. She cups his chest.
"Uhh," he grunts in pain as she twists his nipples.
Mariam giggles. Her hands softly rub his pecs, move down a little, stroke his stomach. Then her fingers inch down. His youth responds. The youth that has been pure, untouched.
Suddenly the wail of a baby breaks the stillness of the night. Then a dog barks. Then the noise of screeching brakes. And in the topiary garden a mosquito hums around four ears.
Now naked, the nude limbs, the lonely nude bodies, are face to face. Despite her cheap perfume, despite her sweaty, unappealing figure, despite her low life, Rakhal crouches over Mariam. He crouches over her chocolate breasts and drinks the mangrove taste of her ebony nipples. Drinks as noisily as a child does. She caresses his head.
Rakhal sees Mariam diving down between his legs. She squeezes him, tastes him. Then she pushes him down on his back. She climbs over him.
"I always ride on top," she says.
When he disappears inside her, when the two bodies melt into one, he cannot think of anything. He gets wild. He gets violent.
The air is soupy, yet serene. Long after it is over, they smoke, facing the sky. Naked, side by side.
"It feels wonderful to stay like this!" Rakhal says.
"Yeah, free, like animals. Sometimes I feel I should wear no clothes."
He puts one hand on the back of his head. "Mariam, I've had the best day of my life. The happiest day ever. I have no woes left. I think I can die."
Mariam smiles. The same shy smile. "Do you have any wishes?"
"Nah," he says. "Oh! Hang on—yes, just one. I want to see every man bald."
"That's funny."
"What's yours?"
"I want every man to sleep with me. Every bastard. I want to fuck them, not to be fucked."
"Mariam, you are some woman."
She laughs aloud. A laugh that shatters the night. "I'm a bad girl."
"You're one of the nicest girls I've ever met."
Mariam peers at him. Then closes her eyes. "I hate myself." She cries in silence.
Rakhal feels an ache in his chest, his eyes stinging with tears. "I hate myself too," he says.
They both cry in silence. Over nothing. Over everything.
Rahad Abir is a writer from Bangladesh. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in The Los Angeles Review, The Bombay Literary Magazine, The Wire, Himal Southasian, TSS Publishing, Brick Lane Tales anthology, and elsewhere. He has an MFA from Boston University. He received the 2017-18 Charles Pick Fellowship at the University of East Anglia. Currently he is working on his first novel and a story collection.
Categories Short Fiction
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text:
The Book of Men
The Secret Life of Bruce Ivins
The Unraveling
Published by M. C. Armstrong at July 2, 2015
The year is 2050. The city is Baghdad. The following is my contribution to The Book of Men, an anthology of short fiction curated by Colum McCann, Esquire, and Narrative 4. Other contributors include Khaled Hosseini, Ian McEwan, and Salman Rushdie. To purchase the entire volume, click here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Book-Men-Eighty-Writers-ebook/dp/B00DA6XLYI
It was the hottest summer on record, the streets of August usually empty for fear of the heat. But as he traveled north on Haifa, Faris saw a crowd on the bridge: a cluster of buses, the scorched faces of beggars and protesters lining the sidewalks. To his right was the swampy crawl and the dead fish steam of the Tigris River, or what was left of it. Across the bridge was the Palestine Hotel where President Hussein was scheduled to give her speech in an hour.
"Suicide just selling a soda out here," said Donovan Hunt from the back seat.
"Out there, you mean," said Faris.
Hunt tapped at the tinted window with his wedding ring.
"Right," he said. "Out there."
Donovan Hunt was a forty-two-year-old American businessman with cold angular features, a dark mustache, and laser white teeth, the sort of man who gave you the impression that he wanted you to know that not only was his smile fake, the product of money, but so was the world, so you'd better get on board and play your part if you wanted to keep his valuable attention. Hunt wasn't Faris' favorite client, for sure, but he was far from unusual. He worked for "the investment firm," Mitchell Wesson. His life was driven by money. In my opinion he was a typical American man of his time.
Faris was driving. He turned right onto the teeming bridge and came to a stop. He took a deep frustrated breath. In front of him was another day doing the work he'd come to both need and loathe. When he was younger, working for his father's security firm had seemed a novelty, a fascinating invitation to "the real world." Now, a year away from his fiftieth birthday, Faris felt past that age of novelty, those dangerous feelings of innocence and curiosity.
People were always talking about how "Baghdad is back" in those days, and to some extent this was true. Haifa Street was no longer "The Purple Heart Highway" and the high rises were no longer the gutted ghosts of refugee wealth. But even fifty years after the American invasion and the chaos that followed, there was still a certain mistrust of American men like Donovan Hunt, an awareness of their greed as the driving force of the world, and Faris, although largely detached from such futile frustrations, was not entirely immune to the way one of Hunt's smiles could seem like salt in the wounds of a beggar or a protester, the people on the bridge.
Faris looked into the faces of the people, the ones who still cared, the ones who greet heat with heat, the angry students lining the bridge, the children of the revolution in their tattoos and bandannas, American flags burning like semaphores for the stalled traffic, one woman wearing a black bra and a red hijab with a sign that read:
I am Palestine!
"How the hell do people keep getting a boner for the same old story?" Hunt asked.
There was that smile. A protester slammed a hand against the door, the contact with the vehicle sending an automatic photo to our database.
"I gotta get outta this city," Hunt said.
"You and me both," Faris said.
And now let us apply a little echo to this comment: "You and me both." For this is who Faris was at that stage of the game: an indifferent American protecting another indifferent American, two tired souls in a small air conditioned pod seeking a larger air conditioned pod where they would hear the standard array of platitudes from the local politicians before the podium would be handed over to the star of the world: Iraq's first female President: The Mother of the Revolution: Amani Hussein.
As I'm sure you know, Hussein was a hero of mine. She was Iraq's answer to revolutionary American leaders like Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy. Just as your Kennedy, for a brief time, threatened to dismantle the military industrial complex and splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces, so did Hussein seek to change the culture of war in the Mid-East. But Hussein knew she was vulnerable to critiques of weakness, so, of course, she did what politicians always do: she used the language of war to fight for peace. She built a bomb as a way to convince you to give up your bombs. Faris radioed in:
"Six eight eleven."
This was a coded message for me, back at the office, and for Richmond Dicer, who, along with two other Eagleman employees, was directly behind Faris in a black Mercedes. It was a request for an alternate route for the drive home. Such requests were encrypted for a very simple reason: we did not wish to worry the client.
"Hey," Hunt said. "Let's go to Skyhorse for chow."
Faris wondered whether Hunt had deciphered the code. Skyhorse, located in the northeast section of Baghdad, the new "investment corridor," was the most decadent gentleman's club in Iraq. There were choose-your-own-adventure game rooms. There were rooms with men, rooms with women, and everything else in between, and on the top floor, under the stars and a lifelike canopy of fake palm trees, was a beach where the men could swim with the women and look down through a glass floor at the dancers beneath, the effect a sort of surreal aquarium like you might find in one of Faris's early movies, only the surreal was real at Skyhorse—if you had the money.
"Need me a Baghdad massage," Hunt said. "My third leg is killing me."
All of a sudden a young girl with spiked hair and a shredded burka poured fluid all over her body, as if a wet t-shirt tease for the eyes of Donovan Hunt. Only it wasn't water that revealed her youthful features. She screamed a brief speech to the world, something about riba before lighting a match to a dollar which ignited the skirt of her burka, the two black Mercedes of our convoy framing the first burst of her flames.
Rarely do you see women like this light their faces first, right? But maybe for the deeply intentioned, this evasion is not about fear so much as effect, for if the anguish of the face can be preserved, as it was that day, then the symbolic act can maintain a true humanity right until the end.
"Jesus Christ!" Hunt said.
There are photos of Chou Lin, the Asian photographer, capturing everything, which, to me, is the real picture—these people like me who keep their distance and take pictures of people dying. Faris slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the Mercedes, removed his coat and gave chase. He spun the burning girl around in a moment that would later strike him as something like a dance, the mad pirouette of the doomsday prophetess suddenly a duet in which he felt the heat of her anger bloom in his coat. He wrapped his arms around her, felt the strange shiver of her life while Donovan Hunt remained in the car, muttering to himself:
The traffic jam was now a life or death situation. They needed to get this woman to Ibn Al Bitar, the nearby hospital. But the traffic wasn't moving. Luckily, an extremely dark African with a gray poodle in a baby bjorn pulled up on a purple scooter. Faris left his ruined jacket on the road. He placed the girl on the back of the scooter and screamed "It-har-rak!"
Faris would later wonder whether he'd done the right thing, whether perhaps it might not have been better to let the burning girl follow her urge to send a fiery message to the world. But as he toweled himself off in the cool cabin of his car, he felt good about what he'd done. He'd saved her life.
M. C. Armstrong
M. C. Armstrong recently embedded with JSOF in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He published extensively on the Iraq war through The Winchester Star. He is the winner of a Pushcart Prize. His fiction and non-fiction have appeared in Esquire, The Mantle, The Missouri Review, The Gettysburg Review, Mayday, Monkey Bicycle, Epiphany, The Literary Review, and other journals and anthologies. He is the guitarist and lead singer for Viva la Muerte.
Hesca
A Friend in the Desert
The Chuck Norris Archive
Pretend I'm Not Here
The Challenger
VPS server on The Ghost of Gulf War Syndrome
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Matt on The Secret Life of Bruce Ivins
Bob Porter on The Ghost of Gulf War Syndrome
All content copyright 2015 by M. C. Armstrong unless otherwise noted.