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glitchpunk
Kid Error Meets a Garbage Can Man
08/03/2018 / Nick Olson	/ Leave a comment
Kid Error is the name he decides on. User Error can't remember what the name of this alternate body he's now stuck in is, so that's what he'll go with until he learns otherwise. It hits him that he's just a bunch of wiggly little molecules all bonding together and doing their thing in the shape of whatever form he's in now, and it's really tripping him out. He wishes he could show Sanford his new digs, but Sanford's back down there, in the tunnels, alone, probably wondering why User Error won't wake up. He can tell Sanford's trying to wake him, because every once in a while an image flashes in front of him, Sanford's face, giant, with wide eyes and a frown, telling User not to die on him. User wants to go back to his old body just to tell Sanny D it's gonna be okay, but he doesn't know if he'll be able to come back to this body, and he's still got unfinished business he needs to take care of.
He doesn't know where the sciencey dude that's been keeping him in cryo sleep is, but he knows that when he finds him, he's gonna blast him. He's never fired a gun before, and this blaster looks super futuristic-like, but he's pretty sure it's just a point-and-shoot situation. He leaves the room he's been kept in, blaster in hand, stolen sciencey overcoat on, and he looks both ways. There are more sciencey dudes wandering the halls, but they're far enough away that they don't see Kid Error. He puts his back to the wall like the action dudes he's seen on faded old VHS tapes, but he stops when he realizes it's super inefficient and slow-going, so he crouches a little and walks quietly instead.
More flashes, this time of his parents' faces. He wouldn't quite recognize them as User, but as Kid Error, he knows who they are. It's like he has all of the memories of User but is being patched with a firmware update that adds in all of Kid's memories. But it's slow, like a crappy Windows 95 PC. It's going one file at a time.
With the Sanford flashes and the parental flashes, it's hard for Kid Error to focus on what he has to do. He keeps going anyway, down this hall that seems to go on forever, until he can hear the sounds of people coming from the direction he's heading in. When he gets to the end, there are double doors that stretch from floor to ceiling, with frosted glass that refuses to show you what's on the other side. Kid takes another step, and the doors open automatic-style.
In front of him are thousands and thousands of people, in a giant open room that makes the biggest tunnel in the underground look like a claustrophobic drainpipe. He opens his mouth, but he can't breathe, like a sewer fish that accidentally flopped out of the water and now doesn't know what in the frak to do. There are scattered shops leading to a huge bazaar where all the biz is going down, restaurants with posters that just say "EAT" on them, and bands playing in every corner of the warehouse-room, all of the sound coming together into one symphony of crazy. All the people are wearing relatively normal clothes. A little futurey, but recognizable. Kid decides his baggy overcoat would give him away, so he tosses it into a garbage can and starts to walk away. A voice coming from behind stops him:
"What in the world was that for?"
Kid turns around. It's the garbage can. It has wheels at the bottom and a plastic garbage bag sticking out at the top, but Kid now notices that it also has a face.
"That was very rude. I don't just toss things into your head, do I?"
"Oh, I'm… Shiz, I'm sorry, man. I thought you were a garbage can."
If Kid didn't know any better, he'd say that the garbage can's getting all choked up.
"I was a garbage can. But I'm not anymore. How'd you like it if I called you a fetus, human boy?"
"I'm sorry, really. I'm new here."
"Uh, I mean, I don't come around here that much. Just, uh… play video games in my room?"
"A homebody, eh? Well you've a lot to learn about manners, human boy. I've been around for 400 years, and…"
"Wait, did you say 400? Like 4-0-0?"
"Yes. Are you deaf?"
"So you've been on this plane thingy for 400 years?"
"Of course, as has everyone else. You're a strange child, human boy."
Kid Error's stomach drops.
"2400, of course. Wait, you're not committing time crime, are you?"
The garbage can man looks for an authority to shout for.
"Time criminal! Time–"
Kid Error kicks the can man and tells him to shut it. He does.
"Okay, okay, so I'm not from here. But please don't tell anyone. I need some help."
Can Man looks around.
"The punishment for facilitating time crime is–"
"I'm not a time criminal, whatever that is, okay? Sheez. I'm originally from the underground. I live in the tunnels. Sorta."
"Tunnels? Underground?"
"Yeah. Look, listen, it's not important. What's important is that you help me get out of here. Show me what's what. Can you do that?"
"Well, I…"
"Look, you're a good dude. I can tell. I'm sorry I called you a garbage can, but can you give a weirdo human boy a hand?"
"I don't have hands. Nor would I want any, what with their gangly-looking fing–"
"You know what I mean. You gonna help me or not?"
Can Man look around again, then turns back to Kid Error.
"Come with me."
Kid Error follows after Can Man, and the two of them roll/walk away.
User Error is no longer User Error. Or at least he's not at the moment. At the moment, he's a kid in a cryo pod, waking up to unimaginable cold and stiffness, and the only thing that he can bring to mind when he asks himself who he is is an image of a transparent purple Game Boy Color being taken apart. He–or rather, the kid–is taking it apart. His vision is tunneled like he's stuck in this kid's POV, and he watches as the kid improvises with the tools at his disposal. Within seconds, the portable's cyber innards are exposed, wires and speakers and metal contacts disconnected from the familiar plastic buttons that usually push them. Divorced from the rest of the system, the screen looks sleek beyond its years, thin and smooth and with a ribbon cable at the bottom that connects it to the rest of the hardware. The kid is careful not to sever any connections as he spreads the Game Boy's disparate components as far as he can stretch them. The tiny portable assumes the dimensions of a chunky old PC, with its screen way up there, speakers stretched to there and there, controls yanked way far down. The kid pulls out two Game Boy cartridges–Pokémon Red and Blue. He takes them apart with a speed that lets you know he's done this before. When they're both open, he swaps the cases so that Red appears to be Blue and Blue appears to be Red. He closes them back up and pops in Red-Which-Is-Now-Blue. The screen lights up, blindingly bright, and the speakers let out that trademark Nintendo "DING!"
User's back. Rather, he's back in the present tense, back in the POV of this kid who must escape. Understood memories come back to him slowly as he pulls wires from his body and steals a doctor's overcoat. Across the room is where his parents were back when he saw them awake, trying to free him before being blasted by that sciencey dude. But the details are fuzzy now. Were they really blasted, or did they just disappear? It's hard to say. Waking up from cryo sleep is like swimming up from a great depth, from darkness so complete that the light at the surface seems like a mirage.
The Kid User gets the distinct impression that he's going to be blasted by sciencey dudes if he doesn't escape post haste. He rifles through the room and finds what looks to be one of those cool blaster dealies with a business end that's all business. He goes back over to the two pods across the room from his own, where his parents once were but no longer are. Maybe they're not dead. Maybe they escaped. But to where? Where was there to hide on a plane, even one as massive as this? They'd always find you in the end.
Kid User stops at a mirror before leaving the room. He's a kid, but he looks cool for a kid. The back and sides of his head are shaved, with the cut on his right side going all the way up to the top of his hair line, where it makes a sharp, angled line all the way to the back of his hair. The rest of the hair on the top of his head is long, cut into what could be a mohawk, but he has it swooped over to the left side of his head. He has a scar on his left cheekbone he can't place the origin of, and a scar that cuts through his right eyebrow. The overcoat he stole hangs loose on him, like a cloak. He looks down and finds that he's wearing a Space Jam shirt and jeans. On his feet are fresh Adidas with the tongues sticking proudly up. Kid User nods at himself in the mirror, says "Let's do this," and exits the room, blaster at the ready.
When he opens the door, the sight he sees is enough to actually draw the breath from his body. He doesn't know whether to shoot or run or stand perfectly still.
Flight Link
User Error is soaring through the sky, uplinked to something else, something apart from him, detached from his body, he doesn't have the sensation of it, although he does know that he is who he is. He's seeing things he's never seen before in real life. He's seeing the sky, an icy blue drifting into black the higher it goes, white-gray clouds floating pendulous like mounds of something unimaginably huge. He can look around, full 360 degrees, instantly, but when he looks down, he has no hands or feet or any of that jazz. He is flying.
He's got the distinct impression that he's being transfigured into something else. His consciousness is slipping away, but not into sleep. It's changing into something–or someone–else. He can make out the land beneath the clouds, but he has no concept of what any of it means. He's seen pictures and vids of rolling hills, but how are you supposed to jive that with a tee-tiny version of the thing all the way down there?
The farther he goes, the more he loses himself. He starts to forget the people and things down there in his subterranean home, his effed-up life in the tunnels. It's groovy, but it's also mondo scary. He'd pee if he could, but he can't, because he doesn't have a body right this second.
All of a sudden, he's totally untethered from his identity of User Error. His best friend Sanford no longer exists in his mind. He has no concept of tunnels or fanny packs or Windows 95. He's just a being of pure consciousness flying through the air.
He can't think, necessarily. Instead, ideas and concepts and feelings seem to roll right by him, floating away when they want and sticking when they want to too.
A thought sticks: He could, if he wanted to, attach himself to another body. Not just any body, it'd have to be like The Chosen One or whatever, but if he found it, and focused in real strong like when you stare at something for a crazy long time and your vision starts to tunnel, then he could attach to this Chosen body and just basically Be Connected To The Real World Again.
He thinks about it for like 2.5 seconds and says Sure. I'll do it. So User-Error-Who-Is-Not-Technically-User-Error-Any-Longer-But-Was-Once-User-Error flies straight ahead, right into storm clouds, without a destination in sight. He can just feel it, you dig? The farther in he goes, the more he can feel it. He can smell the salt of the rain as he passes through the clouds, feel the condensation on his being, even though he still doesn't have a body. He gets the impression that there's a lot of people out here just like him, invisible people that aren't quite people but who could be again if they wanted to be. He thinks about–
Cold. Ice cold. Colder than anything he's ever experienced before, cold he didn't even know existed. He's no longer in the sky, but inside a plane that's currently flying through it, slowly floating down corridors that are larger than many tunnels he's seen, this plane is absolutely massive, more like a small city than a plane, and he can see hundreds of people in this place, some of them awake but many of them sleeping in weird little chambers. He can float through doors and walls and all that ish. It's pretty nifty.
He can, if he wants to, fly out of the plane again, but it'd be super cold and uncomfortable, so he doesn't. He does want to see what the view is like from inside the plane, so he finds this big old window, like we're talking tunnel crocodile big. He looks through, and he can see one of the plane's wings out the window. The whole thing's covered with this black material that has individual cells on it, and he remembers reading about how above ground they used to use the power of the sun to make things work. Looks like the same mollynoggin here.
He can tell the Other Body is super duper close, and so he starts doing this like Spidey Sense Thing to find it. He does that tunnel vision thing, and stops thinking, and lets himself go, and he suddenly zooms over to the body at an incredible speed, clipping through walls and doors, flying past entire congregations of people, to the back of the plane, where he gets the impression there's some shady stuff going down. He zooms so fast that he can barely see any details, but he's honed in on this Other Body Jazz.
And then he's there, in the room, looking down at this person, this kid that's him even though it isn't him. The boy is sleeping in some Mister Freeze icebox-looking thing, and he has no consciousness or awareness at the moment. There are sciencey-looking dudes prowling the area, making observations and checking off things on clipboards.
More than anything, he wants to wake this kid up, to bring him back to life. He would give anything, do anything, to save this kid's life.
So it happens. As soon as he thinks it, a critical component of the icebox dealie shorts out, shooting sparks into the air and everything. The icebox warms up and becomes not-so-icy, and the airlock opens. The kid's heart monitor gets faster and faster, and as it does, User starts fading away from this existence he's in. He leaves by degrees, like eyes that are slowly closing to the darkness.
When he opens them, he's the kid. He doesn't know his name yet, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that the door is open, and it's time for him to escape.
"I guess this is like log 42 or something I don't know I've lost track anyway I don't even know if this tape recorder still works but if it does I'm just going to play this back for Microsoft Sam and see if he can turn the talk to text so I can put it on a floppy disk for later Sanford's asleep right now and I'm trying not to wake him so I'm walking my bike down the tunnel it's kind of creepy the way the chain click echoes down the tunnel click click click like some sort of weird alien getting ready to jump me or something I mean I've seen crazier stuff I wouldn't be that surprised Sanford still doesn't believe me about the world out there about how I saw myself above ground as a little kid coming out of cryosleep he thinks it's too far-fetched but I say living down in tunnels Underground with all sorts of weird ghoulies and all that jazz is pretty far-fetched too I'm trying to figure out a way to get back there back to that cold white room with the Weird Science e dude but I don't know how I don't know maybe it's like a video game you know let's say you get murked in like Pac-Man or something what happens game over right who's to say that's not the same thing here the simulations a lot more advanced but it's still a Sim I don't know maybe if I just find one of the outflow tunnels the tunnels that shoot down into the ground and extend for miles the ones I've heard stories about where people fall into them and you can never hear them hit the bottom sometimes I think that if I jump into one of those I might just wake back up in the real world and I want to try it I really do but I know that if I tell Sanford this ish he's just going to make me about face and March on back home you know I've known Sanny B since we were both super little and I love the guy he's my brother but he doesn't always know what's up and the wack thing is that I can't tell him that it would crush him I don't know if I'll end up jumping into one of those tunnels or push on to climb out to the top into the above ground but I guess we'll find out at the very least when I feed this thing into Microsoft Sam it's going to sound freaking hilarious I can hear his voice now sounding like a cross between a robot and an alien trying to sound human but yeah that's what's up right now I guess I'll go wake up Sanford so we can continue our Quest and sheez."
Green Fields Forever
"So here's a dream: I'm in a wide open green field, and the sun is shining."
"Like the actual sun?"
"The actual one. And I know I don't know what the sun's like, but in the dream I do. It's warm, and bright, and it makes my skin feel good, and I just feel like smiling when I'm under it."
"How bright is it?"
"Super bright. So bright it hurts to look directly at it. So I look at what it's shining on instead: the grass, the trees, all that."
"Grass and trees?"
"Yep. The grass is itchy when you lie on it, but it's still super nice. There's bugs in the grass, but mostly just ants and stuff, not the weird creepy crawlies you find here in the tunnels."
"Yeah. And the trees are plants, but they're crazy strong. Like you could karate chop one and not even leave a mark."
"I'm telling you, Sanford. But in the dream, the green field doesn't go on forever. There's like clear borders and stuff. I'm boxed in, you know?"
"And right outside the border, everything is crazy messed up. Like exactly how you've said above ground probably looks like. Fire, destruction, all that jazz."
"And brimstone?"
"Brimstone confirmed. And if you get close to the border, it smells sour, like the air is burnt. There are people crying, only you can't see them. You can hear them, but they're out of sight."
"Can you cross the border?"
"Yeah, but I'm scared to. In the dream, I'm not 20. I'm like 11 or 12. I'm freaked out, you know?"
"And the weird thing is that I can sense that nothing will ever change in this green field. I'll stay the same age forever. I'll never get sick, never die, but I can't leave the field. If I leave it, I'll suffer. But I want to leave it. I don't want to get hurt, but I need to know what's out there. I need to know who's out there. Because I get the distinct impression in the dream that my parents are alive somewhere out there. I have no idea where they are, but I've got to find them. You dig?"
"I dig. So this is like your cryo dream? Where you saw your mom and pop getting blasted by some evil science dude?"
"Kind of. Like I'm the same person, same age, but this is for sure a dream. The cryo thing was real."
"It was real."
"Okay, User. So what else about the dream?"
"It keeps going on like that. On and on and on."
"I mean everything keeps moving and changing outside of the green field. The sun above me stays right there, but a second sun outside the border rises and falls, rises and falls. Gnarly trees grow up, birds nest in them, plants sprout out of the broken concrete, and all of this happens in seconds."
"Like that dude we saw back there in the tunnel who kept going through life cycles and junk?"
"Yeah, only it wasn't one guy getting born and dying again and again, it was everything. And the more time that passed, the less cries I could hear. Instead of cries, I just heard birds chirping and nice little rainstorms and sheez."
"Sounds kinda nice."
"Yeah, except in the dream, I know that with each cry that goes quiet, there's one less person out there. I'm okay in this green field, but it's only me in here. I'm alone."
"So how does it end?"
"It doesn't. Not really, anyway. I want to leave the field, but I'm afraid of suffering out there. I want to stay safe in the field, but I don't want to be alone. So I don't do anything. Then I wake up."
"Shiz."
"So, uh… What do you want to do now?"
"I want to find the green field."
"Like stay safe and all that?"
"No, the actual green field."
"User, it's not gonna be there. It's not real."
"Right. Fire and brimstone. But the thing is, fire and brimstone doesn't last forever. It can't. There's cycles. The world's gonna be bad for a while, then it'll get kind of good. Then it'll get mondo sucky, but then it'll get way better. The fire will die out, and the plants will sprout. How long have we been living in these tunnels? How long has it been since our ancestors came down here? We really have no idea what it's like up there. And we'll never know unless we try and find a way out."
"Yeah. I'm in, bro. If it keeps you away from the cryo stuff and focused on the real world that's right in front of you, I'm all gung ho about it, my dude."
"The cryo stuff's real, too. I have a family out there, and I'm going to train my brain to wake up and find them. But in the meantime, I want to see what above ground looks like."
"Well then you know what I've gotta say?"
Petri Dish Memories
User Error has his memory mapper on, a modified pasta colander with electrodes and wires leading out through the back and feeding their way to User's backpack, where he's rigged up a rudimentary computer to analyze data and read results in a monotone, computerized, Microsoft Sam voice. He's taking a break from biking; he's got his back against the tunnel wall, and he's sitting with his kick-standed bike on his left and Sanford Brisket on his right.
"So how does that janglet on your head work again?"
"The memory mapper? It works by reading the electrical impulses coming from my brain and analyzing whether the memories it finds are real or not."
"How can a memory be fake?"
"Thoughts are data, right? Code. And you can hack code. You can manipulate it to be anything you want."
"So you think someone's hacking into your brain? Sounds pretty 'noid to me, man."
"No, not hacking, I'm saying that some of my memories might've been tampered with, maybe even created when I was born. Petri-dished."
"Peter what?"
"Look, I don't want you to freak out, but there's a possibility that you and I are far away from this place right now, maybe in cryo chambers up on the surface, and this is all a dream. That our entire life stories were manufactured by some bored scientist who'd rather let us sleep for decades while he tinkers with our brains than wake us up."
"Well then why would we be stuck here, living in crappy wasteland tunnels underground? Wouldn't we be in like paradise or something?"
"For all we know, this could be a stress test. Meant to study the general public's chances of survival in hostile, possibly inevitable environments."
"So we're in the past, dreaming, being studied by mad scientists who know that the world is going to end and are prepping for it real sly-like?"
"Maybe. It's all just a theory."
"So which memories do you think are Peter-dished?"
"Petri. And I don't know. Maybe my parents. You know how they died when I was really little, and I had nowhere to go because no one would take me in, and I had pretty much no choice but to raise myself, collecting scraps of food here and there and avoiding raiders and all that jazz?"
"That about sums up your origin story, yes."
"Yeah, well maybe I wasn't some feral child. Maybe my real parents, above-ground, somehow woke up from cryo sleep and tried to stop the scientist but weren't able to. Maybe they initiated the procedure to wake me up, and I did, just a little, but then the scientist blasted them with a science-y thing and put me back under. Maybe he gave me this effed-up orphan origin to punish me and scrub even the thought of my parents out of existence."
"That is oddly, compellingly specific, bro-down. How'd you work those deets out?"
"Memory. At least what I think was actually a real memory."
"You know I'm gonna say go on."
"Okay. So a few weeks ago, I had what I thought at the time was a dream. I woke up in this like sterile white lab, with sophisticated machinery and advanced computers, not like the dinged-up Windows 95 ish we've been left with."
"Yeah. And everything was foggy, but I could just make out some of the details. I couldn't move, but I could watch. I couldn't see myself, but I got the impression that I was younger. Like 11 or 12, not 20 like I am here. Anyway, I saw who I knew had to be my parents even though I'd never seen them before in my life. And then everything played out like I just told you. The attempted thwarting, the science-y blasting, all of it."
"Not gonna lie, that's pretty gnarly."
"But it probably was just a dream. You said yourself that you thought–"
"I saw my breath."
"When I woke up, I was freezing cold. Like cryo chamber cold. And I saw my breath. I've never been that cold."
"Me neither. The tunnels regulate temps pretty well."
"Yeah. And just as soon as that happened, I was instantly warm again. Like the simulation messed up for a sec and the programmer had to fix it really quick."
"Yeah, whoa."
"So what's your plan now?"
"I need to analyze my brain waves and separate the real memories from the manufactured ones. Then I'll figure out a way to wake myself up."
"That sounds like a plan. But User?"
"What if I'm manufactured too? What if the scientist dude gave you a best friend 'cause he felt kind of bad, and I only exist in your brain somewhere?"
User blinks.
"No. You're real."
"I just know. You're real. Somewhere, you're real. Probably cryo-frozen in the same room as me. You have to be."
"I hope so, User. I really hope so."
"You're real."
The two of them sit in quiet, listening to the plunk-plunk of condensed droplets falling from the tunnel ceiling and landing on the floor below.
Disc Skip Nirvana
User Error's copy of Nirvana's Nevermind is mostly, surprisingly good, but it's scratched enough where it'll skip and freeze periodically, mostly during "In Bloom," "Come as You Are," and "Breed." It isn't enough to kill the mood, and User and Sanford Brisket usually shout out "Remix!" whenever Kurt Cobain's voice stutters and chops up into audio oblivion, but it's enough to be noticeable.
They're biking/rollerblading down a random tunnel with no end in sight, nothing but the occasional ominous torch, ominous because no one's supposed to be alive out this far. User Error looks at Sanford as he pedals on:
"You ever wonder if you were alive before this life?"
"Well, the world's been around for billions of years, right?"
"It has?"
"Yeah, I read it in a book once. Had to pull the thing out of a sewer. Anyway, I read in another book that matter can't be created or destroyed, it just turns into other jazz. So who's to say we haven't been repurposed into new lifeforms and junk over the eons?"
"Like birds and bugs and shit?"
"Yeah, and people."
"It's a cool story, but it's all speculation. Rabble dabble."
"So was everything at one point. Some dude in the past thought that he could turn rocks and minerals into computer chips, and I'm guessing people thought he was crazy before he actually did it. And then they got the Inner Net and all that."
"Yeah, and then they got super advanced and blew each other up and made it so our ancestors had to scurry underground to survive. You ask me, they were a bunch of jive turkeys."
"Eh, I say it's human nature. We love mystery, and death is the ultimate mystery."
"So we seek it out? With like wars and junk?"
"Maybe, I don't know. Just a theory."
"Hmm. I mean, you do have a poi– Holy shit!"
They both stop. In front of them is what appears to be a person going through an abrupt life cycle. He's standing in the middle of the tunnel, body shifting, growing tall through childhood and adolescence, thickening up from adulthood, stooping with age, shriveling up, and shrinking back down to where he started. Then he disappears, all of this in about thirty seconds.
"What in the actual Sam Hill, User? Like the full-blown Samuel H. Hill. What was that?"
"I think it was a life cycle. A super short one, but a life cycle."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"You know how flies will live for like a day and then just die? I guess that guy was programmed to live for like thirty seconds."
"Programmed?"
"Yep. Might've been a bug in the code or something."
All of a sudden, someone pops into existence in front of them. This time, it's someone completely different. They spring up, grow tall, stall out, wrinkle, and stoop just like the first person. Right before they pop out of existence, they manage to look at User and get out:
The person disappears, but then another person appears. They look at User as they rapidly age and finish the sentence:
The recurring being disappears. User looks at Sanford:
"They're immortal. Living their life in tiny segments, dying over and over again, coming back as new people, but it's the same central consciousness. Their memory is carrying over from–"
"Leave me–"
The person, now with green skin, is there, then gone. They reappear with reptilian features and a thick hide.
"What the fuck is happening, User?"
"I don't know, but I think it's cycling through its species' evolution. It's almost as if when it gets startled or angry or something, it cycles faster, and it appears the way it will, the way we will, in the distant future."
"So we're going to look like weird lizard people in the future?"
"Not us, but our descendants will. Maybe. If the theory holds, anyway."
The person reappears, but this time they're barely human. Its knuckles touch the tunnel floor, and its skin is now a grayish green. Its eyes are blank white, like it hasn't seen the sun its entire life. Its voice is a growl:
"I said go away!"
It disappears again. Sanford turns to User:
"Uh, I think we should do what he says."
"Agreed. Let's skedaddle."
They gather their equipment and ride away. They can hear the being cycling over and over again behind them, but then it stops. They turn and see why:
Where the being once stood and cycled now sits a small, human baby. It doesn't cycle, just sits on the ground and does baby things. User and Sanford turn to go help the baby, but they won't have to: He stands up, waves at the two of them, and walks on down the tunnel, toward where User and Sanford came from. Sanford blinks:
"Trippy. Absolutely insane."
"Shall we continue?"
"I need to go get parts to make myself a robot leg, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah, we should get out of here."
They do. User presses play on his CD player. Kurt Cobain's voice skips and distorts, but it eventually finds itself as it reverberates down the endless tunnel.
Waterfall, Robot Leg
User Error and Sanford Brisket are cycling/rollerblading down an offshoot tunnel, relying on their headlights/lamps and the bioluminescent sludge on the tunnel walls to see their way through. They've got their portable CD player playing Now That's What I Call Music!, Sanford's idea, and San is singing all the words to "MMMBop," or at least what little words there are. User Error is putting up with it till Radiohead's "Karma Police" comes on, which is one of his favorite songs. They've listened to this CD together more times than they can count. Hanson eventually plays out, and "Zoot Suit Riot" is next.
"Where's this frakking waterfall, User?"
"We're super close, I think."
"Like how close?"
"I don't know, San. Let me commune with the ancients or something and pinpoint the ETA for you."
User holds one hand to his temple while he steers his bike with the other.
"Nope, still have no idea."
"Smartass. Well maybe–"
Both of them smack into something with enough force to make them shout expletives but not enough force to knock them over. They both come to a squealing stop and look behind them. Where they just came from, there's a huge piece of plastic, cut to fit the tunnel exactly, hanging from the tunnel ceiling. It's been painted to give the illusion that the tunnel goes on forever. Sanford turns to User:
"Holy shit, man. We've been Wile E. Coyote-ed."
"Uh, Sanford…"
Sanford turns back around to see what User is looking at: The Waterfall.
The tunnel opens up into a massive atrium, unbelievable in size, impractical even, with outflow pipes poking out through all of the walls and loosing water into a carved-out cavity below. One main pipe supplies the waterfall; it's large enough to fit User and Sanford's entire town comfortably. User Error drops his bike to the ground. Sanford Brisket kicks off his rollerblades.
"Holy fucking Tamagotchi, User. Are you seeing this?"
"I'm seeing this."
"Uh, go in? I haven't had a bath in like ever. Like not once since I was born."
"Saaame. Let's do it."
They wade into clean water, clear enough that you can see to the bottom. At its deepest, the water comes up to their chests, which is good because neither of them can swim. Twenty years of dirt and grime come off of both of them. They try to clean out their tangled, matted hair too, but that isn't as easy. User grabs a knife out of his fanny pack and cuts his hair with it until he's left with short, brown, non-matted hair. He passes the knife over to Sanford, who ends up with the same haircut, only blond. Sanford passes the knife back to User, who lets out a sigh of relief.
"I feel fresh."
"One hundred percent. I feel fresh to death right now."
"I didn't even know it was possible to feel this clean."
"Right? I feel lighter. There must've been like thirty pounds of dirt on me. It's insane."
User scans his surroundings. He finds dozens of pipes sprouting from everywhere, stone brick walls, and branching tunnel systems that look like they were constructed centuries ago. He turns to Sanford:
"Who do you think wanted to hide this?"
"I don't know, but fuck them. I've been drinking puddle water my whole life when I could've been having this stuff."
Sanford crouches so that his open mouth is at the surface of the water. He walks forward, drinking water in huge gulps, making it look like he's trying to eat the water as he keeps walking forward. User makes a cup with his hands and drinks from the pool.
Time passes. Sanford looks at User:
"My stomach hurts."
"Yeah, 'cause you drank like gallons of water when you're only used to slurping a little at a time."
"Whatever. What do you want to do now? I'd take a picture, but cameras don't exist anymore."
"Let's go to the waterfall, see if there's an Easter egg behind it."
"What the fuck is an Easter?"
User laughs.
"An Easter egg is something cool that's hidden. In like video games and stuff."
"Oh, sweet. Let's do it."
They wade over to the waterfall. The sound is deafening, so they cross past the falling water as fast as they can. Standing there in front of them are dozens of sickly pale people, completely naked, covered in moss and with their open mouths pointed at the tunnel ceiling. There are insects everywhere. They get curious and land on some of the people's mouths. These people close their mouths mechanically and keep them closed.
"What I am seeing right now, User?"
"Uh… It looks like…"
"It looks like a tribe of people that's evolved, or devolved, to a vegetative state where they like passively catch prey. Or something."
"These are people?"
"Yeah. I mean, I think they are. Technically."
Sanford turns to them:
"Hey! Are you people?"
None of them so much as blink. There's even bioluminescent sludge growing on some of them.
"Okay, this is giving me the Cheez-Its, User. Let's get out of here."
They leave. Walking out of the water, User Error's limp is more noticeable than usual. Sanford almost never mentions it, but:
"Hey, are you okay, man? Seems like your leg's getting worse."
"I know. I'm thinking of chopping it off and giving myself a robot leg."
"Robot leg?"
"Robot leg. I just need to gather the parts."
User gets on his bike, and Sanford puts his rollerblades back on:
"Shit yeah, man! Let's adventure."
Neither of them know which tunnel they should go down, so they pick one at random and zoom off into the darkness.


Lightweight: They are a light platform to coordinate national research funding through easy networking tools and simple rules.
On the basis of mutual benefit, researchers, engineers and scholars from Near Neighbour Countries and International Partners Countries may join.
Each COST Action is a Network centred around nationally-funded research projects in fields that are of interest to at least five COST countries. COST provides the COST Actions with financial support for joint activities, such as conferences, short-term scientific exchanges and publications. Each COST Actions has an objective, defined goals and clear deliverables.
COST Actions have located their topic into one of COST's scientific Domains.
If you wish to participate in a COST Action please complete the COST Action form and send it to Dr Helena Burg (FNR) with your CV. You will then be nominated to Management Committees (MC) of the COST Action. Once you are accepted by the action, you will have the full rights to participate in the Action meetings.
Luxembourg-based researchers from the public and private sector are invited to participate in these Actions. Participating in a COST Action is a particularly effective way for building up an international network.
On 13 November 2018, COST's governing board, the Committee of Senior Officials (CSO), have confirmed the funding of 40 new COST Actions, starting in Spring 2019. Two actions involved Luxembourg researchers from the Luxembourg Institute of Health (LIH) and University of Luxembourg respectively.
35% of the 40 network proposals cover at least two OECD fields of science and technology, while 7% cover at least three fields.
Natural sciences lead the way as the most represented field of science (40% of the Actions), followed by medical and health sciences (28%), engineering and technology (28%), social sciences (23%), humanities (20%) and agricultural sciences (5%).
In April 2108, COST announced the launch of 39 new COST Actions, with one further Action pending. A detailed list of the new Actions is available from early May 2018 on a dedicated page on the COST website showing all current COST Actions.


text:
Using L.A. Traffic Counts to Justify Sprawl in the Arizona-Nevada Desert
By Phineas Baxandall and Jeff Inglis
Congestion relief has nothing to do with Arizona and Nevada's zeal to expand U.S. Route 93 and rebrand it I-11. Photo: ##http://i11study.com/wp/##I-11 Study##
A recent report by U.S. PIRG and the Frontier Group, "Highway Boondoggles: Wasted Money and America's Transportation Future," examines 11 of the most wasteful, least justifiable road projects underway in America right now. Here's the latest installment in our series profiling the various bad decisions that funnel so much money to infrastructure that does no good.
Arizona and Nevada have proposed a $2.5 billion project to expand U.S. 93 through the desert between Phoenix and Las Vegas — a change that would mean the road could be added to the federal Interstate highway system and renamed I-11 — despite planners' acknowledgments that barely any of the existing 200-mile road has any congestion at present, and that even under conditions of rapid traffic growth, that will not change substantially.
Justifications for building Interstate 11 often begin by noting that Phoenix and Las Vegas are the two largest adjacent U.S. cities that are not linked by an Interstate highway. But the two cities are linked by an existing highway — U.S. Route 93 — which may not boast the designation of "Interstate," but is a four-lane divided highway for all but 45 miles of its length between Phoenix and Las Vegas. The remaining 45 miles largely traverse sparsely populated areas. The Interstate 11 project would widen those remaining stretches and make other modifications of varying scope to the entire length of the highway.
It is telling that in the official summary of reasons for constructing I-11, traffic and congestion are mentioned last, and only in terms of the potential of "reaching unacceptable levels of congestion, threatening economic competitiveness." Recent trends in travel along the corridor show that at nearly all of the highway's traffic counter locations, traffic growth has been slower than is forecast in project documents or has actually declined.
Arizona DOT and Nevada DOT show 12 locations between Phoenix and Las Vegas where projected traffic counts and actual traffic counts can be compared. In all 12 locations the DOTs projected that traffic would increase. In 10 of those locations traffic counts failed to reach DOT forecasts. In only two locations did traffic counts actually surpass the forecasted level; the only such location in Arizona was the six-mile stretch of U.S. 93 between the Nevada border and the remote Kingman Wash Road. In six locations along the route, traffic counts actually declined.
Indeed, the argument proponents make for I-11 seems to be as much about attracting more traffic to the Las Vegas-Phoenix corridor as reducing congestion.
The Corridor Justification Report released by the Nevada and Arizona Departments of Transportation claims that 9 percent of existing highways in the surrounding megaregion — which the report defines as reaching all the way to Los Angeles — were "unacceptably congested" in 2011. It claims that if no major road-building investment is made, and economic and population growth continue along current trend lines, 28 percent of the megaregion's highways — again, many of them in the Los Angeles region — will be "unacceptably congested" by 2040. In other words, the justification for the project in the middle of the desert is based largely on expectations for worsening traffic in Los Angeles. Project proponents argue that I-11 will reduce congestion in this broader region by siphoning off interstate traffic that had once passed through southern California and directing it to the Phoenix-Las Vegas corridor instead.
Proponents of the project hope it will spur economic development by drawing long-distance truck traffic to the corridor. Regional economic-development planners have been trying since at least 1991 to take advantage of opportunities they see in the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) to create a high-capacity freight corridor running north-south between Canada and Mexico in the region between the Rocky Mountains and the Sierra Nevada and Cascade ranges.
Backers of the widening also include major real-estate developers along the highway route, who hope to build major new residential and commercial projects. One developer sees so much potential to develop sprawling housing and commercial projects in the desert between Las Vegas and Phoenix that he is offering to donate land on which to build the highway.
While construction of Interstate 11 might have a limited transportation benefit, other investments being made in the region are beating expectations at meeting pressing needs and could use additional support. From 2003 to 2013, Phoenix's transit ridership rose 45.9 percent, from 50.3 million to 73.4 million trips. Its light rail system, opened in 2008, is already beating ridership expectations, a stark contrast with driving failing to reach forecasted levels. With 20 miles of track in place, there are plans to add 10 more miles in the next decade, and to triple ridership in the next 30 years.
Phineas Baxandall, senior policy analyst at U.S. PIRG, and Jeff Inglis, policy analyst at the Frontier Group, are co-authors of the report, "Highway Boondoggles: Wasted Money and America's Transportation Future."
Filed Under: Arizona, Highway Expansion, Las Vegas, Phoenix, U.S. PIRG, Highway Boondoggles 2014
Will NCDOT Break the Bank on an 8-Lane Highway Through Asheville?
By Phineas Baxandall and Jeff Inglis	| Sep 17, 2014
Tomorrow, U.S. PIRG and the Frontier Group will release a report titled, "Highway Boondoggles: Wasted Money and America's Transportation Future." In it, they examine 11 of the most wasteful, least needed road projects underway in America right now. Yesterday we published our first preview of the report, the story of the bizarre wishful thinking behind […]
Highway Boondoggles: Iowa's U.S. 20 Widening
By John Olivieri and Jeff Inglis	| Feb 2, 2016
In a new report, Highway Boondoggles 2, U.S. PIRG and the Frontier Group profile the most wasteful highway projects that state DOTs are building. Today we highlight the proposed 40-mile widening of U.S. 20 in Iowa, which will cost many times as much as fixing all the state's structurally deficient highway bridges. In June 2015, the […]
WisDOT Falls Back on Old Data to Justify Double-Decker Urban Highway
U.S. PIRG and the Frontier Group released a report yesterday, "Highway Boondoggles: Wasted Money and America's Transportation Future." In it, they examine 11 of the most wasteful, least justifiable road projects underway in America right now. Here's the latest installment in our series profiling the various bad decisions that funnel so much money to infrastructure that does […]
Highway Boondoggles: Interstate 35 Expansion in Austin
By Matt Casale and Gideon Weissman	| Jul 5, 2018
Magical thinking about congestion makes this one of the top highway boondoggles in the country.
Highway Boondoggles: Madness in Michigan
By Gideon Weissman and Matthew Casale	| Jun 21, 2019
The Great Lakes State is undertaking to expand the capacity of Interstate 75 — a project that is both unnecessary and will exacerbate the region's problems.
To Destabilize Detroit's Fragile Renaissance, Go Ahead and Widen I-94
A recent report by U.S. PIRG and the Frontier Group, "Highway Boondoggles: Wasted Money and America's Transportation Future," examines 11 of the most wasteful, least justifiable road projects underway in America right now. Here's the latest installment in our series profiling the various bad decisions that funnel so much money to infrastructure that does no good. Michigan highway planners want to spend […]

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Thank you for your interest in our 100 Women Who Care Lower Columbia Chapter!
We meet quarterly in January, April, July and October.
We are excited for our next meeting on Monday, April 29th- 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Longview-Kelso Elks Lodge.
If you are interested in becoming a member, please complete and submit the membership form on this website. By becoming a member you are eligible to nominate a local, nonprofit and vote at each meeting you attend. By joining, you are committing to making at least 4 consecutive quarterly donations to the recipient that the group selects.


Moving house in Cambridge: a four-week checklist | Belvoir!
Moving house in Cambridge? It's a busy city and there's a lot to think about. Take things step by step with our handy four-week checklist.
So it's really happening! Your sale has gone through and your new home awaits. It's an exciting time, but there's lots to squeeze in between now and then. Here's a checklist to ensure you are ready to go come moving day.
Start packing - Sort through your belongings, ditch unwanted items and pack rarely used items. At this point it's wise to become a hoarder of sturdy boxes, bubble wrap and parcel tape. You will thank yourself later.
Contact removal companies - Get estimates and check each company is insured against the damage or loss of your items in-transit. Try to avoid travelling on a Monday or Friday. They're the busiest days for moving as well as traffic congestion.
Contents insurance - Check whether you are covered for the move and insured at your new address.
Utilities - Make arrangements with your gas, electricity and water suppliers for leaving your property. Arrange to take over utilities at your new address, making sure all necessary appliances will be plumbed in and ready to go.
Telecommunications - Call your telephone, TV and broadband suppliers to arrange for a final bill at your current address and a new contract at your next address.
Post - Think about redirecting your post for a couple of months to ensure you receive all correspondence. It's easy to set up on the Royal Mail website, though be prepared for the £33.99 fee.
Arrange childcare and pet care - Do you really want little ones and furry things getting under your feet and hiding in boxes on moving day? Nope, thought not.
Notify all relevant companies of your new address - That means your employer, HMRC, local council, banks or building societies, insurance companies, utilities suppliers, mobile phone provider, broadband and TV supplier, doctor and dentist, DVLA, TV Licensing and - most importantly - the milkman.
One more wash - Do as much last-minute laundry as you can muster and arrange for a plumber to come and correctly disconnect your washing machine.
Empty the kitchen cupboards - It's time to eat the house empty and throw away anything that's out of date. Ensure all jars and bottles are safely sealed for the move.
Clean the fridge/freezer - Gobble up the contents and then give them a good clean.
Valuables and important paperwork - Ensure you know where they are and are readily accessible.
Pack, pack, pack - Pack a bag for overnight essentials and box up all remaining belongings for the big day.
Don't forget the tea - Pack a snack box for the kitchen at your new home containing non-perishable items like tea, coffee and biscuits - as well as the kettle.
Dismantle and disconnect - Take down the curtains, unplug all remaining appliances and disconnect white goods ready for transport.
Garden furniture - Make sure it's stacked and ready for transport.
Charge your mobile - Do this the night before moving day and ensure all relevant parties have your number. Make sure your charger is close to hand.
Write a note - Prepare a note for the new owner of your property explaining any useful information - such as the location of the fuse box and the number of a decent pizza delivery company.
At your old address - Strip beds and pack bedding, finish packing toiletries, turn off all electrical appliances at the wall, disconnect cooker, turn off boiler, turn off water, read the gas and electricity meters (take photos on your smartphone), secure all windows and lock all doors.
At your new address - Locate the fuse box and gas and electric meters, take meter readings, double check the removal van is completely unloaded, make the beds up for the evening, get a takeaway and relax. You have a big day of unpacking ahead tomorrow.
Feel free to get in touch with me directly using the details below - or give Belvoir Cambridge a call. We are experts in the Cambridge property market and specialise in making sure the process of selling your property is smooth and hassle-free. We can even recommend local conveyancers, removal experts and more. Give us a call.


text:
Ireland For Dummies
Elizabeth Albertson
Forlag John Wiley & Sons
Serie Dummies Travel
Emne Ireland; Travel & holiday guides
Pocket Engelsk
Om Ireland For Dummies
Relatively tiny Ireland (32,600 sq. miles) packs great attractions into a small area. You can pack a lot of diverse experiences into your trip with this book as your guide. Climb the cliffs. Kiss the blarney stone. Have a bowl of Irish stew and a pint of Guinness in a local pub. Pay homage to literary giants W. B. Yeats, James Joyce, or Frank McCourt. Play championship golf courses. Whether you're a book lover or a golf nut…a history buff or a Celtic music fan…a full-fledged adventurer or a laid-back sight-seer, you'll find plenty to enjoy in this guide that gives you the scoop on: Historic sights, including the 5,000 year old Newgrange Tomb, the burial mounds at Knowth, the storied Hill of Tara, ancient seat of the Irish high kings, and Glendalough, a monastic community founded in the sixth century Gorgeous natural wonders, including the sheer Cliffs of Moher and Slieve League cliffs; the rocky, wildflower-studded Burren; the beautiful Aran Islands; the wild landscape of Connemara; and more Cosmopolitan Dublin, hot-and-happening Belfast, and intriguing medieval villages The Traditional Irish Musical Pub Crawl Strolling through Powerscourt Garden or touring the Waterford Crystal Factory Exploring Killarney National Park on horseback, on a bike, or on foot Driving the Ring of Kerry with its seascapes, cliffs, and spectacular mountain views or the Dingle Peninsula with its patchwork of farms, plus sandy beaches, craggy cliffs, and more seascapes Staying in an ancient but luxurious castle or a comfortable B & B overlooking a working dairy farm Dining on diverse cuisines, ranging from Italian to Mediterranean to fusion and from meat-and-potatoes to sushi; enjoying great pub food at a local haunt or feasting at a medieval banquet in an authentic castle Like every For Dummies travel guide, Ireland For Dummies, 4th Edition helps you make the most of your vacation. It includes: Down-to-earth trip-planning advice Info on the best ships for every budget Tips on sightseeing at ports of call Handy Post-it Flags to mark your favorite pages No, this book can't tell you where to find a leprechaun, but if you're looking for other Irish sites, attractions or adventures, you're in luck with this guide.


text:
Thailand Is Now Clearing Its Backlog of Patent Applications
The problem of long periods of pendency for patent registration in Thailand may finally be successfully solved after several past attempts, even though an expected executive order under section 44 of the nation's interim constitution has not yet been formally announced.
The Thai Department of Intellectual Property (DIP) has put forward great efforts in setting up an effective action plan and has substantially increased its Patent Office manpower in 2016 and 2017, in order to effectively and promptly examine pending patent applications. The number of patent examiners in each examiner group has increased more than 100 percent, with the total number of examiners growing from 39 in 2015 to 143 in August 2017. The approximate headcount of each examiner group at the Patent Office is as follows:
With the increase in patent examiners, the current DIP patent registration process is proceeding at a much faster pace. From October 1, 2015, to September 30, 2017, the Patent Office has published 24,288 patent applications and 7,926 design patent applications. During the same time period, it has also granted 7,299 patents, 8,027 design patents, and 3,735 petty patents, or about 1.39 times the total average of 13,687 per year for patent, design, and petty patent applications in the past five years (2012–2016) (shown in table 1).
The increase in examiners is a step in the right direction to solve the long-standing problem of how to clear the huge backlog of applications pending for an inordinate amount of time in the patent prosecution process. With the greater output from the increased Patent Office manpower, it is advisable for local representatives to keep pace by managing and increasing their own resources to handle the expected influx of office actions from the Patent Office and prevent backlogs from accumulating.
With the improvements in the DIP's application-to-patent-examiner ratio, it remains to be seen whether the increase in productivity rates will contribute to an increase in patent registrations. If the issuance of office actions continue at present rates, it is likely that the DIP may be able to register intellectual property rights within the parameters set out by the Licensing Facilitation Act B.E. 2558 (2015), which prescribes the time to register an invention patent to be within 55 months, design registration to be within 15 months, and petty patent registration to be within 3 months.
This is positive news for Thailand as the registration of intellectual property can be completed in a more timely and predictable manner, which will serve to attract investments in technology into the kingdom and contribute to the government's "Thailand 4.0" policy.
Darani Vachanavuttivong
Co-Managing Partner and Managing Director, Intellectual Property
Thailand, Myanmar, Laos,
Jitluedee Siemanond
Patent Agent
Tilleke & Gibbins Creates IP Guides for Cambodia, Indonesia, Thailand, and Vietnam for EU-Funded Project
Intellectual property experts from Tilleke & Gibbins were engaged by ARISE+ IPR, a regional support program funded by the European Union and implemented by the European Intellectual Property Office, to craft a series of IP enforcement guides for Southeast Asian countries, aimed at raising local awareness of the importance of IP protection. The five-year, EUR 5.5 million ARISE+ IPR program supports regional integration through IP cooperation and aims to upgrade national IP systems for creation, protection, utilization, administration, and enforcement to be in line with international best practices and standards and the strategic objectives of the ASEAN Intellectual Property Rights Action Plan 2016-2025. The guides were developed by Tilleke & Gibbins' lawyers in cooperation with the IP offices of each participating country, and cover issues related to trademarks, industrial designs, and geographical indications. Each guide was produced in a compact leaflet form in English as well as the local language, and is considered an official publication of the respective national IP office. The guides can be accessed from the ARISE+ IPR site (under "Leaflets, brochures and booklets"), or by clicking on the links below: Cambodia: English | Khmer Indonesia: English | Bahasa Indonesia Thailand: English | Thai Vietnam: English | Vietnamese
An Overview of Franchising Law in Southeast Asia
The popularity of the franchise business model has grown rapidly in mainland Southeast Asia in recent years, with some of the world's top brands becoming common sights in the commercial districts and shopping malls of major regional cities in Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, and Vietnam. Although these countries have not yet enacted franchising-specific laws, certain features of each country's regulatory regime impact franchising. As such, well-prepared franchise business operations have comfortably adapted to each country's regulatory framework, and the growth is poised to continue even as the global retail sector redesigns and redoubles its efforts in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact, the franchise business model, which is both global and local at the same time, may offer retail entrepreneurs a solution in their quest to meet the challenges of the new retail economic realities. This article explains the legal frameworks that impact the franchise business model in Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Thailand, and Vietnam. For each country, this article discusses relevant regulatory considerations for franchise agreements, how to protect intellectual property rights, and judicial and arbitral procedures for resolving disputes that might arise between a franchisor and a franchisee. The full article can be downloaded through the button below. © 2021. Originally published in the Franchise Law Journal, Vol. 41, No. 2, Fall 2021, by the American Bar Association. Reproduced with permission. All rights reserved. This information or any portion thereof may not be copied or disseminated in any form or by any means or stored in an electronic database or retrieval system without the express written consent of the American Bar Association or the copyright holder.
Changes Expected to Computer Program Patent Examination Guidelines in Vietnam
The era of Industry 4.0 has led to a dramatic increase in corresponding computer program invention patent filings in Vietnam. However, the current patent examination guidelines for inventions related to computer programs are quite brief and vague, which inevitably causes difficulties for patent examination. Therefore, in 2021, the Intellectual Property Office of Vietnam (IP Office) considered the necessity of amending the patent examination guidelines for inventions related to computer programs. Currently, a computer program is excluded from patentability under Article 59.2 of the Law on Intellectual Property (IP Law). However, according to Article 5.8.2.5 of the patent examination guidelines issued on March 31, 2010, as amended on December 31, 2020 (hereinafter referred to as the 2010 Guidelines), an invention related to a computer program is eligible to mature into a granted patent if the claimed subject matter has technical features and/or produces a further technical effect going beyond the normal interactions between the software and the hardware. From June 24 to December 31, 2021, the IP Office established a working group including members from the patent examination center, the legal and policy department, and experts from the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA) to detail the provisions under Article 5.8.2.5 in order to tackle the problem of "In what circumstances are applications related to computer programs patentable?" In December 2021, the preliminary guidelines for this problem were drafted in the form of an annex to the 2010 Guidelines. The group also consulted many local IP agents, state agencies, organizations, and individuals to improve the draft. On December 18, 2021, the IP Office organized an online meeting with IP agents and organizations to discuss the draft. Basically, the draft does not make any significant changes in comparison with Article 5.8.2.5 of the 2010 Guidelines, but it adds more details. The draft visualizes the process of computer program patent applications as follows: Formality Examination Stage: Step 1. Does the subject matter contain technical features (hardware, data processing representing physical entities)? If not, it will be rejected (Article 59.2 of the IP Law). Step 2. Is the subject matter named with a term like "computer program", "computer program product", or "signal-carrying program"? If so, it will be rejected (Article 5.8.2.5 of the 2010 Guidelines). Substantive Examination Stage: Step 3. Does the subject matter contain technical features producing a further technical effect? If not, it will be rejected (Article 5.8.2.5 of the 2010 Guidelines). Similar to Article 5.8.2.5 of the 2010 Guidelines, any claims presented as "computer program", "computer software", "computer program/software product", or "signal-carrying program" should be eliminated by the examiners. However, the draft also prescribes that, in the formality examination stage, there are three types of claims that could be accepted: a method performed by a computer for a purpose; a processing apparatus adapted to perform the method; or a computer-readable storage medium containing a computer program to perform the method. In current practice, the troubles often arise during examination of inventions combining a computer program with a business method or a calculation method, making it necessary to consider comprehensively if the invention has any technical features, or if it produces a further technical effect going beyond the normal physical interactions between the software and the hardware. In the December 2021 draft of the annex, the IP Office's approach in the formality examination stage has been sufficiently clarified, but the approach in the substantive examination stage still needs more explanation, especially more interpretation of examples of "further technical effect." If the approach in the substantive examination stage is solved, the examination process will be accelerated. It is expected that the amended guidelines will be released in the near future.
Vietnam Joins WIPO Copyright Treaty
On November 17, 2021, Vietnam deposited its instrument of accession to the World Intellectual Property Organization Copyright Treaty (WCT), becoming the 111th member of the WCT. The provisions of the WCT will officially take effect in Vietnam three months after the date the document is handed over to the Director General of WIPO, i.e., by February 17, 2022. The WCT is a special agreement under the Berne Convention that was first adopted in 1996 to deal with the protection of works and their copyright in the digital environment. The WCT additionally deals with two important objects that should be protected by copyright: (i) computer programs created in any form of expression, and (ii) databases of any kind, as long as the selection or arrangement of database content is intellectually creative. With respect to rights granted to authors, in addition to those recognized by the Berne Convention, the WCT also grants (i) distribution rights, (ii) rental rights, and (iii) broader rights of communication to the public. With respect to limitations and exceptions, Article 10 of the WCT extends to all rights the application of the "three-step" test originally set forth in Article 9(2) of the Berne Convention for the right to reproduction. That is, member states may legislate limitations and exceptions in national law, provided they are in certain special cases (i.e., they are not overly broad), do not conflict with the exploitation of the work, and do not prejudice the legitimate interests of the author. Member states may introduce new exceptions and limitations appropriate to the digital environment, as long as the conditions of the "three-step" test are met. Vietnam's accession to the WCT not only helps the country meet its commitments in new-generation free-trade agreements such as the Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership (CPTPP) and the EU-Vietnam Free Trade Agreement (EVFTA), but also creates an effective legal foundation to protect works and copyrights in the digital environment, currently one of the most problematic IP issues in Vietnam. Together with the upcoming amendments to Vietnam's Law on Intellectual Property, we expect that Vietnam's accession to the WCT will contribute to the transparent and effective protection of copyrights, especially in cyberspace.


Continuing with our presentations from Havana the next in our series from the Adult EM and Critical Care session is from Jorge Otero on Critical Care Ultrasound for the New Era.
Jorge joined our faculty from Connecticut and is the Ultrasound Director of the Emergency Department at Waterbury Hospital. He's also heavily involved in ultrasound education at Yale School of Medicine.
Jorge is a fluent Spanish speaker and it was great to have him on board in Havana where his presentations in Espanol were a welcome relief from the Aussie drawl for our Cuban companeros.
Jorge was also a fantastic addition to the bilingual Ultrasound workshop.
His lecture outlined some of the basics of emergency ultrasound as well as describing some of the advanced applications.


text:
Teen Wolf review – 2×06: 'Frenemy'
July 3, 2012 by Joe Lipsett
Is it too meta to suggest that Teen Wolf knows its target audience so well that it found a way to work in a shout-out within the narrative? If by "target audience" you mean "gays" and by "shout-out" you mean "gay bar", then no.
Let's bitch it out…Between Magic Mike opening this week (our review here) and now the gayest episode of Teen Wolf ever, it's been a good week for boys who like boys. Oh sure, Magic Mike is a huge disappointment and Teen Wolf spent the duration of its time at "Jungle", the Beacon Hills gay bar, featuring an attack on a half dozen unfortunate boys, but it was all fun nonetheless. I mean the place is so freaking popular it's literally got a plethora of attractive 'mos that we've never even seen before! Look there's Danny (Keahu Kahuanui) getting over his ex by busting an awkward move on the dancefloor. And there's a junior twink buying Scott (Tyler Posey) and Stiles (Dylan O'Brien) a drink. Why there's even a posse of Divine-like drag queens who fawn all over the sarcastic sidekick within seconds of our intrepid duo entering the bar.
What I'm basically saying is: let's spend every episode here!
All kidding aside, it's an amusing side adventure. In the pro column, this also serves to transplant the action from the woods to the city proper (I'm not counting the minor sequence with Isaac's father in the second season premiere). If I have one complaint about introducing a location that's not the woods or the school, it's that these scenes reinforce how little we actually know about the town of Beacon Hills. I'm reminded of Buffy: whenever they traveled to the museum, or the mall, or the skating rink I either said "oh, they have one of those?" or "how freaking big is this haven/town/city/metropolis?!" When we see the CGI lights of Beacon Hills from the buffs in the woods it's clear that the city is fairly big, but since we only ever spend time in houses, the woods and the school, it can be easy to lose that perspective.
Moving away from locations and gay bars, this episode brought the show to a whole new level of crazy. After last week's speed dating science class meets home invasion episode, 'Frenemy' kicks up the drama even more. I'll admit I was frustrated that Jackson (Colton Haynes) refused to believe Stiles and Scott when they told him he is the Kanima, though I suppose it makes sense since he doesn't believe Derek's (Tyler Hoechlin) bite had any effect. Of course, we know that he's spent the evening attacking Derek in the underpass, nearly taking out Argent (JR Bourne) and cruising Danny at the gay bar (sing it!…sorry, couldn't resist). The lacrosse jock spends the rest of the episode locked in the SPCA van in the woods. It's kinda adorbs that Stiles mistakenly assumes Jackson is capable of affection towards his adopted parents and sends a whole series of xs and os, which naturally leads lawyer dad to believe Jackson's been kidnapped (to be fair, he has been).
My favourite scene: the over-the-top melodramatic transformation / sex scene. After Allison (Crystal Reed) confesses she's into Scott for the long run (talk about sinking your talons into someone), they make some nookie in the backseat as Jackson goes scaly and busts out. But it's done to Twilight-esque music in SUPER. SLOW. MOTION because that makes it SOOOO. DRAMATIC. I'm not saying it didn't work, but it definitely straddled the enthralling vs cheesy line. Which, if you think about it, pretty much sums up Teen Wolf perfectly.
I'm totally loving clueless Lydia (Holland Roden) – who despite being attacked, bitten, lost naked in the woods and nearly mauled to death by multiple werewolves – has no idea what's going on. At this point I'm unsure why they haven't just broken down and told her (newsflash, she's in the credits so she's not going anywhere!). I mean, come on! The girl is good at reading Archaic Latin…clearly she's a keeper
Also, her dog is named Prada. As if that could be more perfect
The big reveal for this episode is that Jackson-Kanima is not looking for a "friend" as we assumed last week, but rather a master to control him. And he went looking at the gay bar? Hmmm…Seriously though, let the speculation continue, especially since we saw Grandpa Hunter (Michael Hogan) seemingly stop Jackson-Kanima in his tracks. My guess: the whole idea that the Kanima can only kill those that have killed is why Grandpa wasn't attacked. My vote for the master is still the creepy Chem prof
Danny better watch his neck. Now that we know that the Kanima isn't looking for a friend, but is actually being controlled by a master, it seems clear that the mysterious commander is telling the pet snake to dispatch anyone with evidence of Jackson's alternate personality. Now that the reconstructed video has disappeared from Danny's trunk, he's either safe (since he can't prove anything)…or he's a liability
So with Grandpa Hunter taking over as principal and Mama Argent (Eaddy Mays) filling in as substitute English teacher, can we expect Argent himself to stop by as a not-so-friendly janitor or gardener next week? Seriously…I know the Argents are connected (they apparently have Big Brother levels of control over all the surveillance equipment in town), but this seems a bit ridiculous
What to make of Lydia's new special friend: Dog-napper? Kiss-stealer? Wolfbane-giver? This guy has future serial killer written all over him. So clearly he'll just turn out to be some regular kid. Or a hellspawn. There's only two options
Finally, Scott is a big failure. In school at least! Turns out he's failing two classes. To which I say "Duh!" He's clearly not the brightest tool in the shed (nyuk nyuk) and he spends all of his time running around in the dark or sexing up his gf in the back of her car. Who has time to study when you have a life like that?!
Stiles: "I'm 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone. Sarcasm is my only defense". That's pretty much true at this point (but it's why we love Stiles, right?)
Stiles (on Scott's astute observation that they're in a gay bar – while being groped by drag queens): "Man nothing gets past those teen wolf skills."
Lydia (to creeptastic new 'love' interest): "Should I call the police or is there a non-rapist reason for being in my backyard?"
Stiles (reminding Jackson who puts his pants on): "Being up close and personal with your junk was not a highlight of my day"
So that's Teen Wolf goes to the gay bar. Check that off your list, kiddies! Questions remain: who is the master? Who is Lydia's new special friend? And, in the dumbest moment of the episode, will Jackson actually follow through on suing Scott and Stiles for imprisoning him in a van? Sound off below!
Teen Wolf airs Mondays at 10pm EST on MTV
Filed Under: Teen Wolf, TV Tagged With: Colton Haynes, Crystal Reed, Dylan O'Brien, Eaddy Mays, Holland Roden, JR Bourne, Michael Hogan, MTV, Tyler Hoechlin, Tyler Posey
bugaboo says
Grandpa Argent has killed people. We watched him kill that homeless werewolf dude, and I have no doubt, many others. I suspect there is something more to it than the murderer thing, maybe some kind of dominance/power/force of will thing kept Jackson from attacking him?
He definitely exudes power and dominance, especially in that particular scene. Loved that his own son was trying to figure out what's going on with him!
laurettegriffin says
Really enjoyed your review. It's my first time on this site and I'll definitely be coming back.
As for the Kanima master, there really are only 4 options; Grandpa Argent, the vet, possibly Lydia's therapist and the chemistry teacher. The Einstein quote " Imagination is more important than knowledge" hinted at the latter being the culprit, making him seem just a little too obvious for Teen Wolf. I'm betting on Gerard.
I absolutely loved the gay club scene . It perfectly meshed together the horror, shirtlessness and ridiculousness Teen Wolf is all about. Like we're meant to believe that many insanely attractive gays all live in a town called 'Beacon Hills'!
Russel Mulcahy as director was also a welcome surprise. I felt the last few episodes were amateur compared to this one.
I liked the tension in the house in last week's episode, but I agree with you that the action scenes were very well done tonight.
I'm torn about the Kanima master. The four you name are the primary candidates, but Teen Wolf does seem to love to pull the rug out. I'm on the fence with Matt, the photographer, and Lydia's new stalker (both may have been introduced strictly as red herrings). We'll see…
Ajthms says
I think the master is Jackson's adoptive father. He called him to the police station at the end and even had him transform back into his human form and had that smirk on his face. Also, he would've had access to the camera and tape as it was in Jackson's room which is obviously in his house. But it could be others.
Ohhh I like it. If we see the father again, I bet you're right. Teen Wolf loves nothing more than to throw in a surprise reveal, and your idea falls in line with the reveal that Peter was Alpha in S1…Interesting


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text:
Hardin-Simmons cutting 22 programs, more than 31 faculty & staff positions
by: Joey Hollingsworth
Posted: Feb 14, 2020 / 04:45 PM CST / Updated: Feb 14, 2020 / 06:38 PM CST
ABILENE, Texas (KTAB/KRBC) — Hardin-Simmons University (HSU) has announced additional cuts to both academic programs and faculty/staff positions.
The announcement came in a letter from HSU President Eric Bruntmyer late Friday afternoon.
In the letter, Bruntmyer says financial difficulties have led to the elimination and realigning of several programs, as they try to close their operating deficit by $4 million.
As a result, 22 academic programs have been cut, including the following:
Master of Arts in Family Ministry
Master of Arts in Religion
Master of Education in Gifted and Talented Education
Master of Education in Reading Specialist Education
Master of Music in Church Music
Master of Music in Music Theory and Composition
Master of Music in Performance
Minor in Music on the M.Ed. degree
Bachelor of Business Administration in Banking & Financial Services
Bachelor of Business Administration in Nonprofit Management
Bachelor of Business Administration in Public Administration
Bachelor of Music in Theory and Composition
Bachelor of Science in Human Sciences in Physical Education
Minor in Biblical Languages
Minor in Leadership
Minor in Sociology
Minor in Spanish
Express Teacher Certification
Master Reading Teacher Certificate
The closings will not affect current students.
Bruntmyer says 17 faculty positions will be cut from these programs, and additional faculty reductions are forthcoming from several of the remaining programs.
Also, 14 administration and staff positions have been eliminated, with additional positions to be cut in the future.
These closings come on the heels of the announcement that the Logsdon Seminary would be closed.
ABILENE, Texas (KTAB/KRBC)- During a time that has been anything but normal, Superintendent Dr. David Young says this spring Abilene ISD is planning field trips and educational activities to bring a sense of normalcy back to school.
Over the next several months Abilene ISD will be working closely with city officials and other agencies in Abilene, to find a way to hold these activities while still following the public health guidelines.
ABILENE, Texas (KRBC) - Asi'h is a vibrant and happy youth who likes to cut up and act goofy with people. She is a funny and artistic child. At times, Asi'h can be clumsy. She can be a little shy and timid at first, but once you get to know her, she has a great personality.
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Tweets by @KTABTV
Tweets by @KRBCNEWS


text:
Help make a grand slam for the truth with Margaret Court
Help Raise an Army for Truth to Change Our Nation
Reinstate ACT School Chaplains
Freedoms & Public Christianity
Sexualisation of Society
Poverty and Justice
Pray for Parliament
Help make a grand slam for the truth with Margaret Court Help Raise an Army for Truth to Change Our Nation Reinstate ACT School Chaplains
Pick of the day's news – Monday 7 October
ACL compiles a daily media monitoring service of stories of interest to the Christian constituency relating to children, family, drugs and alcohol, marriage, human rights, religious freedom etc. Visit the ACL's website each day to see what's of interest in the news. Please note that selection of the articles does not represent ACL endorsement of the content.
Doctor risks his career after refusing abortion referral
Miranda Devine - Herald Sun
A doctor risks being deregistered because he allegedly refused a referral for an Indian couple who wanted to abort a healthy unborn baby girl at 19 weeks, simply because they wanted a boy. Dr Mark Hobart, 55, has been under investigation by the Medical Board of Victoria for five months, accused of having committed an offence under the state's controversial Abortion Law Reform Act of 2008.
Kids can now have more than 2 legal parents in California
Ruth Brown - Newser
Heather can now have two mommies and a daddy ... at least in California, which has just signed a bill allowing kids to have more than two legal parents. The move is intended to recognize a broader range of family structures in legal cases, like those where a same-sex couple shares financial or custody responsibilities with a biological parent of the opposite sex, reports the LA Times.
Children more distracting than mobile phones
Children are 12 times more distracting to a driver than talking on a mobile phone, according to new research from Monash University.
Fracking too hot a topic till after election
Farrah Tomazin - The Age
A decision to end a ban on the controversial practice known as fracking could be deferred until after the state election in a bid to avoid a regional backlash. As The Sunday Age reported last week, the Napthine government is headed for a showdown between farmers, miners and environmentalists as it decides whether to lift the moratorium and allow the expansion of coal seam gas (CSG) in Victoria.
Paying the price for their autonomy
Tom Mortier - Mercator Net
Some Belgian doctors have discovered an easy way to cover up their mistakes. By killing them.
How I got hooked: a gambling addict's story
Sam Rigy - Newcastle Herald
Like many she began playing socially and became hooked after a big win. But for recovering addict Sally, her addiction to poker machines would wind up costing her almost everything. "I started gradually, socially," she said. "How it came to the depths that it was I don't know".
ACT same-sex laws 'invalid'
Patricia Karvelas - The Australian
The ACT's gay marriage laws are unconstitutional, according to legal advice from the commonwealth Solicitor-General to the Abbott government, which is considering a High Court challenge to stop the laws. The Weekend Australian understands that Attorney-General George Brandis has received the advice, which leaves in no doubt that the laws before the ACT parliament are invalid because of inconsistency with the commonwealth Marriage Act.
Battle reopens in State Parliament on same-sex marriage Bill
Anne Mather - The Mercury
The fight for same-sex marriage is set to return to centre stage in Tasmania after a move to re-ignite the debate in State Parliament. The push for a second-round of the contentious debate follows new legal information that clarifies constitutional concerns raised by opposing MPs last year.
Can the UN solve Syria's humanitarian disaster?
Phil Orchard - The Conversation
After finally passing its first resolution on the Syrian crisis late last week, the United Nations Security Council has now turned its attention to the humanitarian crisis now unfolding within the country.
Leyonhjelm proposes asylum seeker tariff
Liberal Democrats senator-elect David Leyonhjelm has proposed an open door asylum seeker policy that would charge people $50,000 for permanent residency in Australia. Mr Leyonhjelm, who will join the Senate on July 1, will be one of eight senators from minor parties who will hold the balance of power in the upper house.
Religious Freedom & Persecution
Indonesia Christians sentenced for evangelism; US under pressure
BosNewsLife
The United States was under pressure Friday, October 4, to condemn "grave violations" of religious freedom in Indonesia amid reports that two Indonesian Christians were sentenced to three years imprisonment for evangelism.
Peshawar church attack was according to Sharia
Sonia Rana - Pakistan Tribune
Proscribed Tehreek-i-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) has once again denied having involvement in the attack on a Peshawar church last month but said it was according to Sharia. "We didn't carry out the church attack. However, we believe it's according to the Sharia," TTP spokesperson Shahidullah Shahid told BBC in a telephonic interview from an anonymous location on Friday.
K-pop contest tell Shimali De Silva, 14, she looks too old and needs plastic surgery
News Ltd
For anyone worried about pop culture?s obsession with youth, here's a cautionary tale.
Sexual abuse rife towards female GPs
Thomas O'Byrne - The Age
A survey of Australian doctors has found that more than 50 per cent of female practitioners have been sexually harassed by a patient, with some respondents saying they had avoided examinations and after-hours shifts because of offensive patient behaviour.
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Morrison Under Fire
Scott Morrison is finding himself in the same position as Tony Abbott. Big sections of the media want him gone,...
Charity endures the flames of disaster
The Australian Christian Lobby has commended volunteers and charitable Australians assisting those impacted by current heatwaves and bushfires.
Pump the brakes on gender-transitioning kids
The Australian Christian Lobby has urged Australian MPs to pump the brakes on public hospitals conducting irreversible gender treatments on...
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text:
Q: Error type unexpectedly involved in table query construction I'm trying to build a table with a query expression as mentioned in create tables with query but I keep running into issue:
ERROR incompatible types: expected 'table<Foo> key(a)', found '(table<Foo> key(a)|error)'

It's easy to work around e.g.:
table<Foo> key(a)|error x = ...

or
check table key(a) ...

But what bothers me here is that I fail to find any explanation from the documentation why an error is involved here when in list comprehension it's not as the following compiles and runs just fine:
Foo[] x = from int i in 0...9 select {a:i, b:0};

The complete example:
$ cat issue.bal
import ballerina/io;

type Foo record {|
    readonly int a;
    int b;
|};

public function main() {
    table<Foo> key(a) x =
        table key(a)
        from int i in 0...9
        select {a:i, b:0}
    ;

    io:println(x);
}

$ bal run issue.bal
Compiling source
    issue.bal
ERROR [issue.bal:(10:9,12:31)] incompatible types: expected 'table<Foo> key(a)', found '(table<Foo> key(a)|error)'
error: compilation contains errors

I'm using:
$ bal version
Ballerina 2201.1.0 (Swan Lake Update 1)
Language specification 2022R2
Update Tool 1.3.9

A: This is actually a bug that was tracked with https://github.com/ballerina-platform/ballerina-lang/issues/36686 and fixed. The fix will be made available with the 2201.2.0 release, which will be released soon.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


A free smartphone application that helps people with reduced mobility with navigation over multiple modes of transport, orientation and parking, has been launched.
The app, designed by the EU-funded SIMON project, and aids users within the SIMON test sites of Lisbon (Portugal), Madrid (Spain), Parma (Italy) and Reading (United Kingdom).
Called SIMON Mobile, the app gives access to important information such as the location of parking spaces for disabled people and lifts and ramps at public transport stations.
Integration with the new EU smart parking card for disabled drivers (also known as 'Blue Badge') means that SIMON Mobile users will be able to quickly validate parking and view their parking history with the app.
This will help to reduce illegal parking in these spaces and keep them free for drivers who need them.
SIMON Mobile users in the test cities can also apply to participate in further testing of the app to improve the functions for parking validation.