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I stay true to his mission on the Get Over Yourself podcast and record the stuff that happens after the stop button is usually pushed on a formal show. Sure enough, Gitta and I kept rolling after wrapping up our previously published show.
After a few minutes, sensing the momentum, I reflexively pushed the record button again and away we went. I explain how at the end of the first show, I experienced an epiphany about why I was alternatively a painfully shy teenager in normal social settings, but a brazen class clown inside the confines of the classroom. I could pop off with abandon, perhaps emboldened by the notion that the teacher would eventually reign me in. However, I could never close any deals outside of the classroom, which required being more authentic and vulnerable than I was capable of at that age. Gitta delivers some winning tips about how to overcome adolescent shyness; alas, 35 years too late for me, but whatever.
The discussion flows with a shout out to film and television star Robin Wright (whom I reparteé'd with at high school high jump practices), my epic quip in 8th grade sex education class that launched my career as class clown, and how I decided to transform my personality with a snap of the fingers upon leaving for college. Parenting is the next topic tackled head on, particularly the disturbing trend of helicopter parenting and over pressurized childhoods. Compare and contrast with Gitta's German and Swedish cultural influences, where kids are less sheltered, less pressured, and given more responsibility and accountability (you won't believe what Gitta allowed her kid to do in the kitchen when he was 18 months old!) Gitta explains how she attempts to reconcile personal and cultural values with the guilt and pressure elicited by prevailing parenting and cultural values in the affluent Marin County scene (former hood of Robin Wright, yo.)
I mention the fabulous New York Times article that instantly transformed my attitude about parenting, and that he thinks about every single day since: How Not To Talk To Your Kids—The Inverse Power of Praise. This piece, which we will discuss further in future shows, honored the revolutionary work of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, promoter of the growth mindset over the fixed mindset. With your kids, praise the effort, not the character attributes. The provocative suggestion is offered that you might never want to tell your child, "I'm proud of you." OMG, horrors! Instead, consider reframing to say, "You should be proud of yourself," so the kid can own their own accomplishments instead of become a show pony for parent amusement and cocktail party fodder. Gitta speculates that we have most influence over our children when they are ages 0-6. After that, we have much less than we might think. Plug into this unplugged show and see what you think!
How Not To Talk To Your Kids: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
http://traffic.libsyn.com/getoveryourself/Sivander20-20Class20Clown.mp3 Download Episode MP3
Get Over Yourself Podcast
Speakers: Brad Kearns and Gitta Sivander
Brad Kearns: Welcome to the Get Over Yourself Podcast. This is Brad Kearns.
"Because we're in this culture of helicopter parenting, the parents navigating this smooth sailing successful route for their kid. That's what we're up against. So, when we want to apply our philosophy and our boundaries in our own parenting, I've experienced times where it feels like that's going to set my kid back from an opportunity in life because I didn't turn in his college essay for him."
Gitta Sivander: "As parents believing that we have to pressure on push our children to learn certain things at a certain time is a lot of effort spent on nothing, because when our children are ready and when they want it, and when their brain is ready, they will just do it naturally."
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And now, onto our show.
Hi listeners, welcome to this wild and crazy and unplugged episode with Gitta Sivander. This show represents my dream for the podcast, which was to get real and authentic and unplugged. And like some of the marketing description says, we record the stuff that happens after the stop button is pressed. And indeed, that's exactly what happened as I was doing the podcast in her home. We did a fabulous one hour and 12 minute podcasts on her dynamic expression and PACE method, all that good stuff that she's doing for her career.
Then we were chit chatting for a while and I just reflexively pushed the record button just in case. And what happened was we went off into a wonderful Alison Wonderland journey into my childhood and this epiphanies that I had based on the commentary that we did for the previous hour.
All kinds of fun stuff come up. My role as the class clown and why I was so comfortable in class and so shy out of class that I couldn't even talk to future movie star and TV legend Robin Wright, who I hung out with at high school a little bit. The one-liner that I got off that kind of launched my career as the class clown, all kinds of fun stuff.
Then transitioning into wonderful insights and reflections on parenting. Gitta with this nice little eight or nine-year-old boy that she's raising wonderfully and giving him the multicultural experience of having going back to Europe and engaging with their family there, and the different values that Europeans and other progressive cultures have for child rearing versus the helicopter parenting, over pressurized childhood experience that we see prevailing in United States of America. Especially in a fluent areas where everything has gotten so out of hand. It's kind of crazy.
So, we talk all about that kind of stuff, those moral dilemmas that we face when we're trying to give our kid every advantage and fair play opportunity. But we're seeing this crazy corruption and distortion of what childhood should be all about. You'll find out about the crazy thing that Gitta and let her boy do when he was one and a half years old that most American parents would be horrified about. And we just keep going and going and going.
I mean, we already had the show in the bag, the first show, so we didn't feel those normal constraints that we usually do when we're trying to put forth a focused production. Didn't know how long this show was going to last. So, I'm sure you can peek and see, but we just let this thing flow and I think you'll really enjoy. I'm trying to be vulnerable and tell my story, man.
It was tough times and how I reinvented myself. I snap my fingers and decided I was sick of being shy and reserved and having trouble communicating, and I just wanted to turn the corner. So, you'll get a kick out of it. Everyone will have some good reflections and thanks for listening.
Yeah. So, what was it about being in the classroom? It was this artificial constrained environment where I knew the teacher was going to bust me. Oh, I didn't have to follow up with closing the deal. Right? And that would be the time when I'm in the hallway and my friends say, "Dude, there's that girl that thinks you're so funny and cute. She told me, so go ask her to hang out after the football game or whatever." And I just couldn't do it. Even your neighbor here in Marin County, Robin Wright, the famous actress, we were high school classmates.
Gitta Sivander: Oh, you were?
Brad Kearns: And she was so funny and so wild and we would flirt all the time on the soccer team. But I was perfectly comfortable flirting with her at track practice. I said, soccer – track practice, and doing high jumping and goofing around back and forth, because there's a coach there and they're going to yell at us if we get out of hand, and then it's time to go do the next practice. But I remember seeing her by herself in the school parking lot and I couldn't approach her.
Gitta Sivander: That's a very different environment. You were obviously really comfortable in a place where you knew that you could do step one, which is having people around you, and that was safe for you. But step two would be, you taking you and the other person being together in an environment without others. So, it's a very different environment.
Brad Kearns: And also, I mean, that's one part of myself, is I can be a funny performer guy on the stage, that is the high school classroom. And then the other part of myself is to be vulnerable and authentic in a different way to say, "Hey, I think you're really cool. We should hang out more. Do you want to go to the shopping mall this weekend and get an ice cream?" I could never once say that throughout the years of my youth and yeah. I'm recording now because we're doing this as like an outtake, I call it a breather show where I do these little shows. So, it's like Brad's deal in high school as class clown and number one shy guy.
But I promise my listeners like in the description of the show, it's like we talk about the stuff that happens after the record button has stopped. It's a real fun, authentic show. So, I hope you don't mind Gitta, but we're rolling right now.
Gitta Sivander: No, I don't mind at all. I'm up for this stuff. I like this. I like it when we go off the conventional. So, this is a great conversation. I have a lot of questions that come up for me that I'm curious about you.
Brad Kearns: Push your start button because this is an official coaching session. This is okay, here we go.
Gitta Sivander: There we go. An official coaching session for you. Well, here's one thing, when somebody is a class clown, most of the time, it is a way for him or her to stay safe because when you're a clown, you don't have to show your real feelings. You can be funny and you can hide your real feelings from … you hide them in this pocket of like, "I'm funny." And it sounds like as a class clown, you were liked, you were loved, you were the funny guy and people were able to relate to you, and you were able to relate to them by being funny constantly.
But when you actually had to show who you really were, and this relates to being authentic, then the shyness was coming through or some fear was coming through for you. Does that feel kind of an alignment?
Brad Kearns: Yeah, that's it.
Gitta Sivander: My curiosity is now as an adult, thinking back, well, you lived at a different time and we have moved along several decades from your high school time, now thinking about, had you been allowed to state and then would have it been appropriate at the time to state that real feeling that you had, maybe that you were shy. Like when you would have approached the girl, had you been allowed to say, "I would really like to go out for an ice cream with you. But just saying this right now is really hard for me. I feel really shy about it." And had you been allowed to kind of look away in that moment, do you think that would have given you more of a permission to do that?
Brad Kearns: Yeah, that would have been the secret. I needed my younger sister Gitta there to counsel me at home and then go down with that, armed with that. But I think that gets back to so much of what we talked about in the podcast. That who I really was, was a shy, insecure teenager like everybody else. And I just had that one attribute, that element of my personality where I could go off and be a goofy guy, but that's a hiding coping mechanism to be …
I remember like this memorable occasion was in eighth grade, where we're doing sex education. So, it was a very tense classroom and the teacher was stressed about it, but you have to go learn these things and watch the video and engage for the first time with your peers on this very sensitive and embarrassing situation when we're talking about the reproductive system, we're doing this, we're doing that. And the teacher was talking about the female menstruation and the whole thing.
Then she paused the projector for a moment and she says, "Well, I'm not sure we're going to finish this movie today. And if so, we'll do our worksheets and then we'll do it tomorrow. Let me see. It looks like there's not much left. Now, how long does the period last?" And I go, "28 days."
Everybody just cracked up and it was like, it was at a time when the class was so sensitive and the teacher herself was – she was probably a 27-year-old science teacher and here she is with these rowdy, sweaty, 14-year-old teenagers packed into this little mobile classroom. But it was like in that high pressure situation, I diffused any of that with a joke, where it's like if you had me stand up in front of the class and ask about, my frequency of erections in eighth grade, I mean, I would have turned beet red and fall on through the hole in the floor of the classroom. Right?
Gitta Sivander: Yes, I can totally see that. And this was coed, right?
Brad Kearns: Oh of course. Yeah, and the teacher did a great job scolding me with the biggest suppressed smile. Like, I knew she was going to burst out laughing too, but I kind of referenced that now because that's when I started to build this momentum of like, wow, this is a way that I can succeed and break out of this painfully shy shell where I'm shy watching this stupid movie, but I can pop off with a joke. It's like an escape and sort of going right back to that point where, "Why didn't I just go up on the playground and say, "Hey, Robin," because I know Robin's listening. She has to be listening now to this fabulous podcast.
Gitta Sivander: Hi Robin.
Brad Kearns: It's right up her alley. Good luck on the set of your next smash series. Why didn't I just say, "Hey, I know I'm that funny guy in class, but really what I am also about is I'm a little shy and insecure, but I do like to go eat ice cream at the mall, and how about you?" Anything of that nature, that's kind of your … because usually what we see, especially in the young scene, is you get built up and propped up by your friends to be a bullshitter. And go over there and go, "Hey, what's up? I might have some free time this weekend. I'm not sure yet, but you want to hang?" That kind of crap.
Gitta Sivander: Yes, so you have to be somebody else than you really are. You're being prepped to be different. Even I think most of the guys at that age that are showing that they are confident, they are prepping themselves up in a different way. They are able to take on more confidence, like fake confidence. And everybody else wants that fake confidence because I think that's the real confidence. And I don't think that's who we are. I think when we're teenagers, there's so many insecurities. I mean, we haven't explored our lives yet. We don't even know what it's like to be with a girl or with a boy. And maybe we have started to explore it, but there are so many questions, there's so much uncertainty ahead of us. And how can we really be confident when we are actually uncertain.
So, being able to be willing to or having permission in our society to actually express that uncertainty, because that's where we're at in life, that's going to let us be much more confident because we can be confident about the uncertainty. But instead, we have been prepped to pretend that we are certain, that we need to be somewhere else. We need to be a 30-year-old, although we are just 16 or 18, and that doesn't work. That's not real. That's not who we are being. So, we're not present. That's not who we really are. We are not authentic, and we can't even be expressed because we're not allowed to really share that we are feeling uncertain, because then we're being told by others that they're going to laugh about us.
I personally believe that even a teenager that is willing to share their uncertainty or when I have a guy coming at me that feels a little insecure and shares that with me, I'm much more able to open up and to understand who he is being, than if he's trying to show the cool guy and then I'm not … I don't know who he really is, that doesn't impress me. I'm sure it impresses some girls, but we wouldn't be a good match anyways because it doesn't feel real to me.
Brad Kearns: It impresses those that are stuck in the same artificial manufactured pattern. And boy, that sounds like trouble.
Gitta Sivander: Long-term travel for sure.
Brad Kearns: Or when you're going to first crack and show who you really are, and then how's it going to be handled? It's going to be handled poorly because everything's been fake. The whole relationship is built on fake – in the workplace too, it's so common. Your relationship with your boss. I remember one of the best encounters I had with a boss was he was talking to the whole team, the little marketing team of I think five people. And we're wrapping up a meeting where he's directing us and orchestrating and telling us our responsibilities because he's the boss. And he closed the meeting, he says, "You guys remember something, I work for you, not the other way around. The most important thing, most important job I have is to work for you and tell me how you need me and how I can help."
Because his job was to be a leader and manage five people, and he flipped it around, and it was such a profound comment because really that is the most – my most important thing was to go and organize the schedule of the event. That's my job. But his job is to work for me, if I go and need his help. And so, it made that open communication and totally transformed the usual stale, stuffy dynamic of your boss telling you what to do.
Gitta Sivander: The hierarchy, right?
Brad Kearns: Yeah.
Gitta Sivander: It changed the hierarchy around and maybe there are some hierarchies around teenage boys and girls too. And especially at your time, it was probably the boy that always had to make the first step, and then you're being put under pressure that you have to do something that might be difficult for you. I'm actually curious, did that ever change for you and when did that change, that you were able to address girls more freely?
Brad Kearns: Oh boy, you teed me up with a good question there. So, I finished high school and this is a big transition in life. I'm heading off to college, moving away from home, first time UC Santa Barbara. And I made a conscious decision at that time that I was so sick of myself and the way that I was conducting myself, with this shyness and this insecurity that I decided to just leave it behind and really transform right in conjunction with heading up to school.
So, I made a conscious decision that I was going to reinvent myself and not be this shy, painfully insecure person. I knew I had it in me. I had some A-game if you call it that, because I was able to crack people up in class or had glimpses of places where I was confident such as on the athletic arena. I made it to the State Championships and the national finals of running. And I had a sense of self-esteem and confidence from excelling and hitting these goals in life. And so, I just wanted to apply and redirect that stuff to socializing.
Everybody was new, the situation was new, and I think that worked out pretty well for me where I was able to just leave that stuff behind, and in an abrupt transition to being a new person, where if you met me freshman year in the dorms, I might've been outgoing and engaging. And I didn't need the alcohol. That was my other strategy in college.
It was like very soon after I got there, I hadn't drunk a sip in high school. I didn't know what drinking, I didn't know what being inebriated was. I had no idea what it felt like. Then I got drunk my first time and it was pretty silly, and I was riding my bicycle zig zag on the path instead of straight, and I didn't know why. But then I realized like it didn't really work for me. I didn't enjoy messing with my brain function and getting silly. And I realized that while everyone else was needing that alcohol to get to that point, I could just snap my fingers and get to that silly point because of who I was.
I was just easily capable of doing that. And so, I sort of had an upper hand or an advantage in that sense because I'd be the only one sober at a party. But I was acting silly and like everybody else. But I had a slightly better judgment, rationale, decision making, knowing when I could go for an advance move and say, "Hey, what's up? It's too loud in here? You want to go out to the balcony and talk or whatever it was."
And I'm not saying I was not a player by any means because that didn't work for me either. But I felt more comfortable in myself, thanks to the athletic experience was a big help. And going to school and being independent and being away from home and all these things. My parents didn't mess with me and they didn't intervene with all the little day-to-day challenges of life.
And this is the kind of thing, I'm kind of rambling, but like, I think we're missing that a little bit today. Where the kid's relying on their parents for every single thing and to navigate and orchestrate with their college applications and their college application counselor. And then they're looking on the GPS application that you have where you can find where your kid is at any and all time. And they're off to college and they're saying … I was at a party where one of the parents was showing me this cool app and they're like, "Look, she's at the dining hall right now because it's 5:30 to 6:30."
And like thinking back to where I was in college, like my parents didn't know what state I was in. We were down in Mexico at a friend's house and there were no cell phones, but it was so different. I think there's a lot of value to that to where we need to kind of figure out ways to let kids bust lose today like I'm describing for myself.
Gitta Sivander: Take on some responsibility for themselves even at a younger age. How can we be responsible for ourselves as adults if we don't learn to be responsible for ourselves as children? We need to learn that from early on.
Brad Kearns: And say, "Oh," and do things like that-
Gitta Sivander: It's actually a whole another topic here to talk about. Because I have a son too and I-
Brad Kearns: Well, he's 10 or 11?
Gitta Sivander: He's eight.
Brad Kearns: Oh eight, yeah. He acts like a 10-year-old. A very mature guy, entertaining himself during the boring seminar – boring for him. It was great for us. But yeah, you're doing a great job. He's seeing the world and kind of you brought him to this thing and he got nicely dressed, which I noticed. And I think it was like, "Hey man, I got to drag you to this thing and it's not the park and it's not the birthday party." But he went with it.
Gitta Sivander: He went with it, and not his favorite thing to do. But it was important for me to show up. I wanted to see David Rossi speak, and I wanted to meet you obviously because that's where we got connected. And my son just loves dressing up. I don't know what it is, but his dad is a speaker and speaks worldwide, and he's always nicely dressed. So, when we go to events, my son wants to dress in his Italian clothes handmade for him. And so, then he was actually quite surprised that it was a smaller event, smaller room, more intimate. And he was like, "What? I thought this was going to be hundreds." But he always brings something with him to be busy with.
A lot of children don't do that. I don't know how many parents bring their children to events that are for adults. And I think it's important for children to follow their parents to their work sometimes too. Not only go to birthday parties and to the pool and not only do what my son needs to do on a weekend, but actually my son needs to do something that I need to do. He needs to learn that he needs to follow adults sometimes. And of course, I often do something for him, but it's not all about him. That's not how life is when he's an adult either. We can't do every day what we want to do
Brad Kearns: What is she saying? What? It's not all about your son? Oh my gosh. Don't you realize we're here in America where that's the law.
Gitta Sivander: I forgot about that. I just flew in from Sweden last night, and I guess I'm a Swedish mindset here right now. No, I really think that even in America and even in Marin where we, parents are so like the helicopter moms and yes, I mean to some degree we need to be – there's definitely more danger here. The child abductions happening all the time and I don't hear of it quite as frequently in Sweden. So, there's a lot more freedom around it. So, we do need to be careful and we can't give our children the same freedom that we did when you were young, and when I were young.
But still there are definitely certain areas where we can give our children freedom and we don't, we don't do it. We are older parents. We only have single children. We are even helicoptering them even more. It was like we worked hard to get this kid. We may not have been able to get pregnant. And all the times, parents were young, they got pregnant, they had this child, it was much more natural and was just happening. And I think that we would give kids more freedom that way as well. And now, our children are wished children in so many ways, that we are so afraid of losing them.
That's just one aspect out of many, but it's also one aspect I think that brings in this constant fear of loss. And I believe in order to really be growing into responsible adults, we need as parents, we need to let go on some levels. We need to be okay with, okay, feel that fear, but let the child do it anyways. The same for you. I feel the fear of becoming an entrepreneur, but do it or feel the fear of applying for a new job, but go do it. And feel the fear that you have, that your child may get hurt on some levels, but they have to make their own experiences, even as little children
My son was a year and a half old when he stood at a gas burning stove and made his own breakfast egg, scrambled egg. He stood on a pedestrial for a child so he could be high up. And my ex-mother-in-law, she is an American – she was like, "What are you doing? He's 18-months-old and he's standing there by the fire and making his own egg?" And she was quite scared. And I was like, "Yeah, he may have burn himself. Hopefully, he's not going to burn himself very, very hard," because usually they don't burn themselves very strongly. They get a little burn on the finger. You have to find out that fire is hot in order to know that. And most kids learn that very, very quickly. And so did he. He's an amazing chef now.
Brad Kearns: I feel like the Sweden and other progressive European cultures seem to have figured this out much better than the classic example of the helicopter parent in America. And I'm wondering if you see some disparities in the culture, especially going back and forth – that's got to be aggravating because you're trying to preserve the highest values that you have in running up against roadblocks.
Gitta Sivander: Yes, yes. Well, there's the cultural difference, but then there's also – I think what I'm also running into passionately is a generation conflict. Like when I go back to Europe, my parents live both in Germany and in Sweden. And then I ran into the way that they were raising their children and they tell me, "Well I see you do a lot of good with your son, but there are things that we see that you do that are not good at all. And if you keep doing that, you're going to have a really, really challenging teenager." And then, "I go really? What am I doing wrong?"
So, there's part of that American culture that I've learned and taken on from being away from here for so long. But then the other one is also the generation difference of how we raise our children. And it is very refreshing for me to go back and to what others do. And it's also conflict creating. I definitely see quite some conflict that is coming from that. And in some ways, it's easier for my son to be with my parents without me there, because they get to do with him whatever they believe is right. And he can adjust to that situation because they know that his grandparents are with him in a certain way.
And some ways, it's easier with the older generation, the way they are with their children, because they demand respect from the children. I don't think that we demand as much respect from our children, both culturally but also generation-wise. Because I see that happening in Germany and Sweden too, that the children don't respect their parents as much.
Brad Kearns: Hey, I see it happening in aisle number four of the supermarket all the time.
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, the aisle number four where all the candies are, and the chocolate,
Brad Kearns: You just see this inner play where it's like it's mind-blowing how ridiculous it is that the kid's running the show over and over. It just constantly reminding how backwards it is.
Gitta Sivander: It is. And I can see that with my aunt's son too. He is running the show with me at times, and I protect him and I go, "Oh, it's just because he comes from divorced parents and oh, it is because he has some fears and anxiety because his parents are divorced." So, I'm protecting him in a way that is not good either. I do see there's like something to buffer. You got to got to be sensitive to certain aspects of divorce, but on the other hand, you also just got to be a fricking parent. And being a parent means that your child has to sometimes just learn to listen to you, and you have to set boundaries. It's a boundary question.
I feel like generally in our time in the Western civilized world, we are not willing to let our children feel those boundaries strong enough. And some children demand them more than others. Other kids don't need as many boundaries. But all children need boundaries. And I can see that we don't really enforce those boundaries. And here in Marin County, we more so than other places, I see, we don't enforce those boundaries for whatever reasons that is. And I think that children really do thrive – they thrive on boundaries in a certain way.
Brad Kearns: Well, they're programmed to pursue the limits of the boundaries. So, that's how they gain their independence, is they're pushing the limits. But if there's no limits, then they just turn into entitled
Gitta Sivander: Entitlement, and also I think that's a way of reflecting on who they are. I think that we all need reflection. I know that I crave reflection. I crave to hear from others how they're perceiving me. And when we get boundaries, that's another way of holding that mirror up and say, "Up until here and no further." It's defining what you're capable of doing and who you are being yourself, and it helps them to define themselves. Because children that don't have that definition yet, they're being born into full expression.
We talked about expression earlier in my work, self-expression. And children are fully self-expressed, that's their job. All they do is to be fully self-expressed. And as adults, we move more and more into less self-expression. We move more into confinement and going from free – we call it free flow in their lab and moving analysis in one of the trainings I've done. It goes from free flow to bound flow. Children are completely free flow and then the older we get, the more bound flow we get.
Now, how can we as adults stay more in the free flow and not get too bound and how can we help our children to take on some bound flaws so that they're not completely crazy overly expressed such as in aisle four in the supermarket.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, and the bound flow comes in because of all these traumatic childhood experiences where you were told you weren't good enough for the team and discouraged from … they wanted you to come to a different classroom because it was a hassle to use the microphone and all these things to serve to bind us up. But then we also maybe, are we making up for it in this generation with this freewheeling helicopter parenting experience where the kids are indeed the center of the universe and come before the needs of the couple and all those kinds of dynamics that you see playing out over and over. Maybe we're making up for it because, "I had a rough time with my dad telling me I was no good," or whatever the situation was that you're trying to make up for.
Gitta Sivander: Yes, I can see that in my parenting relationship as well, and with the father of my son, my ex-husband. And there's definitely a lot of that happening for both of us. And part of it is because in our time, we do – bringing in a lot more awareness of emotions and almost all of us adults have had some kind of therapies. So, we have our childhood trauma, and then we don't want to repeat that. But it also brings in the opposite, which is two little boundaries. And sometimes, it's not even about discussing anything, it's just about this is what needs to happen.
But on the other hand, I do see, I mean, my son's aid, he's going to turn nine next month, and I do see that it does help to talk as well. I don't just want to tell him at this age now-
Brad Kearns: Because I said so.
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, I don't think that's true and why? Because I said so – that doesn't help very much either.
Brad Kearns: Good luck when he's 17 and start to use his middle finger for real. It'll work. And I remember picking up my kid and removing him from the situation, just using two hands and picking up and at the armpits and carrying him into the room for a timeout, which works very well when they're three and four. But if you don't build that respect, that natural respect, then when they get bigger and taller than you, like the George Michael Video, "I'm big enough to break down the door. Bad boys!" Welcome to that era and it's coming soon. I mean, it just is what it is.
So, I always wanted to build that natural respect with my kids and honoring the rules and all that. And this great book "Raising Winning Kids without a Fight" – Dr. William Hughes from Sacramento. I think it was from that book, a lot of other great insights, but he said, "Yeah you want to get used to using the word bummer a lot when you're raising your kids." In other words, "Oh, you didn't do the dishes? Bummer, you can't use the car today." "But I have to go here." "The rule is do the dishes, then you can use the car." "Oh, that's such a bummer. I'm so sorry about that." I'm not apologizing, I'm saying, "I'm sorry about this situation and I'm sorry about your pain, it's a real bummer, but you didn't do the dishes."
Then not engaging in that dialogue. Like, "Do you see how hard I work? How dare you take advantage of me? I feed you the food. I bought the food too." All that stuff is just like blah, blah. But it might as well be Swedish [Foreign Language 00:33:47]. The kid's like "What?" He's not listening to your rationale and he doesn't need to, and it weakens the relationship to have this argumentative like case in point. "I also washed the car last week," all that nonsense. It's just like, "Do dishes, get to drive car. Didn't do dishes, bummer! No car."
Listen to me talk tough here. And like in my own life and with my own kids, and they can tell you too, we'll get them on a podcast like, you know what to do, but all these impure influences get in the way. And one of them might be in that example like, "That means I got to drive and pick them up at basketball practice instead of doing what I want to do with my day," or whatever the example is where you don't hold that hard line because you don't want to deal with conflict or all that kind of stuff.
Gitta Sivander: Well, the other thing is also that it's really challenging to hold that hard line. And I know for myself, that sometimes I'm just tired. As a single mom, I've been working out and about and I come home and my own health issue with hypothyroidism leaves me feeling tired at the end of the day. And if I'm then supposed to also hold that really hard line at times, I'm just like, "You know what? I'm just going to go and do it myself." And it's not the best for the education of my child, but it's just what happens. I'm human, he's human. And maybe I have to build stronger boundaries at a different year then. Sometimes you just have to give in.
But of course, the ideal situation would be to hold your strong boundaries no matter what. And at this age, when they're eight, nine where my son's at, he can still scream really loud. I mean, as teenagers, they won't scream. They will hold their boundaries in different ways. I think that boundaries are – they're all necessarily at every age but you hold them differently in different ages.
Brad Kearns: Well, here's another thing that comes into play, because we're in this culture of helicopter parenting, the parents navigating this smooth sailing successful route for their kid. That's what we're up against. So, when we want to apply our philosophy and our boundaries in our own parenting, I've experienced times where it feels like that's going to set my kid back from an opportunity in life because I didn't turn in his college essay for him. And I'm not just joking, it's actually going on where parents are writing papers in high school or they're pulling in highly paid consultants to help the kid write his college essay, that is a big part of the admissions process in many schools. But it's not really the kid, it's been orchestrated by the parent.
Another example was the accelerated competitive sports experience these days. And my son was a little basketball player when he was a little guy in the park league, and it was so much fun and he scored a bunch of baskets. And he was clearly passionate about this thing and wanted to improve and very competitive. And I'm like, "You know what? We need to find you another level of play here to fully develop." And so, you take that plunge at a young age and take that precious, innocent, competitive spirit and we have to go into the AAU basketball scene, which anyone who's heard about it, it's pretty crazy. It's pretty intense. These young kids are playing year round and they're spending money traveling around.
But it's like if you sit back and say, "Basketball should be fun, we're going to shoot baskets in the park after I get off work." Guess what happens in high school when you go up face against these kids that have been developed like miniature professional players. And so, that's a big dilemma there. And especially the college admissions process. And it's like, "You want your kid to go to Harvard? Oh, it's a dream for every family, and it's a meal ticket for the rest of your life. But I also believe in not interfering with my kids' schoolwork and letting him be accountable to himself." Wow! What are you going to do?
Gitta Sivander: Well, I think that's a choice a parent needs to make. And also, a belief system. Friends, I don't believe that Harvard is the place that a child needs to go to.
Brad Kearns: Good, you call that out as this mere belief rather than an absolute, which is great. That's a great starting point there. Like eff those guys at that school because maybe they're a bunch of spoiled snobs that were all helicopter parent. Not necessarily so. But on that note, since I have many friends from Harvard and they're fine, well-adjusted people, those people were destined for Harvard.
Big George, my buddy who graduated Harvard, MIT, he was destined for those institutions because he was a top performer in the field of mathematics since a little boy, and had whatever circumstances that led him to have that passion and that natural ability. But trying to push your kid and orchestrate that to compete against someone who's naturally meant to be there – it's like in the athletic arena where the natural athletes with competitive passion, they're going to make it to the pros anyway, even if they have a lousy coach or they get put on the wrong travel team and all that. And the rest of us are just worried and stressed that our offspring is not the exact destiny that we dream for them. Good start, carry on.
Gitta Sivander: I find this special in America, it is so artificial to see what our children have to show in a very young age. What they have to be capable of doing. And Sweden school doesn't start until they're seven-years-old. And here, it starts when they're six, and the the kids in school and in certain subjects, they are doing things that I did when I was in fifth or sixth grade. My son in third grade has to do writing on a level that I learned when I was in sixth grade.
First of all, every child develops on their own pace, and also our brain just develops in it's on pace. I mean, we can squeeze things in really young and we can force our children to learn certain things at a young age, but isn't really necessary. I remember that I always wanted my son to learn how to swim. I wanted him to learn how to bike, and there were certain things he was super afraid of. And took him to swim classes as a baby and he screamed. And I thought when I do baby classes, he'll be a great swimmer from early on. It wasn't his thing.
When he was ready to learn how to swim, he asked for it. When he was ready to learn how to bike, which was later than most kids at age six, he learned within one day. And so, as parents believing that we have to pressure on push our children to learn certain things at a certain time is a lot of effort spent on nothing, because when our children are ready and when they want it, and when their brain is ready, they will just do it naturally.
Brad Kearns: There's a 32nd back button on most podcast apps, hit that button and listen to that again if you're a parent, especially if a kid of age. And my insight, my perspective now, my kids are 20 and 18, so they're adults, right? So, that phase where you thought you had so much influence and it was so important to a) expose my child to sports or b) try to get them into the best academic environment – all these things that we think are so important, I realize now, you're weighing less important. Your role as a parent is way less important than you might think it is. It's not all about you. The kid has their own life to live. Even at a young age, their wiring and their genetic attributes and their passions and the way they navigate their environment is so much more on them than we think so. And that's heavy.
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, the peer pressure already at a young age and what they learn from their friends is huge.
Brad Kearns: Is way more important than the parent. Studies show, no doubt, their peer influence is way more significant than their parental influence from those formative adolescent years.
Gitta Sivander: I think that we have six years to really influence our children.
Brad Kearns: Ooh, what six years are they?
Gitta Sivander: The first six years.
Brad Kearns: Oh, the first six – woo, you're on your own kid. Here's 100 bucks, congratulations on graduating elementary school.
Gitta Sivander: I think that's where we really have an influence. And after that, from six to 12, we have some influence. And after 12, I think it really starts breaking down. So, like at 14, 15, we don't really have any influence anymore. We try and it's still important to keep up our boundaries. Like you earlier shared with the dishes and the car. All that's still important. But the real influence happens much, much earlier. And also, influence on how our children will develop in later life, it's already happened the first six years of life.
And certain things we don't really have an influence on. I mean, some children develop patterns of being very emotionally sensitive and we parents do not understand why that is. Why are they so emotional if we are not that emotional as parents? They're hard wired for something and it's … I also believe that astrology has a certain influence on that.
I think there are many more influence factors that we don't even know about. It is as it is. And of course, we as parents, we need to stay strong. We need to stay grounded, we need to stay present, authentic, expressing confident as parents in order to help our children be the best they can. Because we can always help our children excel. But it doesn't have to be with that kind of pressure that they need to be the best athletes. Maybe they are never athletics. Some children just aren't born to be athletes. You can support them in using the bodies, but they thrive much better on doing other things. Maybe reading books, maybe that's their thing. And like my son, he has to be really good at reading books and he's just in third grade.
I remember my mom telling me she hated reading books and she didn't start reading books until she was 18, and she now reads a lot of books. And now when I ask her – I actually did ask her this question on this trip that I had in Europe. I said, "Well, what do you do if you had one more month to live?" And she said to me, "I would read books." Hearing that from a person that hated reading books most of her school years, that's huge, right?
So, a lot of the development happens through life and we do need to support our children and of course, we want them to be able to make it through school. But I feel a lot of pressure from my son's school. He goes to a private school and there may be a little bit more pressure than in public school, possibly. I just got his, his grades today, this morning before you, and I started doing this interview, here.
Brad Kearns: I was in a lousy mood after that.
Gitta Sivander: I opened it and it's not grades like numbers, but still there's like – he was doing, very excelling, doing well, just hanging and those kinds of grades. And I can see that he's not good enough in math and divisions and he's not good enough in writing, and like he's really challenged and writing. And so, I'm going like, "Oh my God, I'm going to call my parents right now and tell them that they have to do writing every day. And they have to do math with him every day, and then I decided, "I'm not going to do that," because his brain is going to develop in its own pace. And just because he's going to spend this summer every day doing math and writing, doesn't mean that it's going to be easier for him when he comes back to school in end of August.
I believe that what he learns the summer, the languages he's exposed to, again, Swedish, German and Italian since he'll be with his dad in Italy as well, is going to help his brain grow and develop and at some point, the writing and English will become easier too. Will help him during the school year. But right now he's got a break and I'm not the kind of mom who goes like my third grader needs to do schoolwork every day. I don't believe that it's really going to excel in life. It may make me feel better as a parent because I feel like I've been pushing harder, and I've done everything I can, but that's my belief he's going to still develop and maybe in two years he'll excel in writing in English or in divisions in math. I don't know that.
I just don't believe that just because we keep pushing our children harder and harder that it's going to make them better kids at school. Yes we do need to help them when they have like a real deficiency, but maybe we can do that during the school days as well or give them a break as well.
Brad Kearns: Very well said. I mean we know from brain research that you learn when you have these gaps and these chances to unwind from a rigorous school year and just absorb things, and it comes with foreign language too. I realize I'm getting better at Spanish from just cooling off from my intense effort to learn and listen to the tapes over and over, and just kind of relaxing and picking up a conversation and those kinds of things. Just in a more relaxed manner, you can make progress.
And also, on that note that you just said, like the kids need to own their own experience too. And what we're doing in part of the helicopter parenting, besides orchestrating everything, is we're taking ownership and we're taking credit for the success rather than having it be completely independent.
There was a great article called "The Inverse Power of Praise: how not to talk to your kids". It was written in the New York Times in 2007. And honestly, I think about this article every single day as a parent for the last – that was 12 years ago. It just absolutely blew me away, and changed my entire approach to parenting. And some of the basic insights where we should do a whole show on this.
But they said when you say these platitudes, like, "I'm really proud of you," which all parents think is such a great thing to say, "I'm so proud of you. You did great in the soccer game. Oh, I'm proud of you, you cleaned up your dinner table. I'm proud of you, you got pretty good grades in most subjects." As soon as you say that, you're taking the pride away from them and making it all about you, "And you just performed for me. And so, I'm proud of you for doing that."
The argument goes that maybe, you might never want to say that to your kid, but every time you feel that, you could say, "You should be really proud of yourself, you played hard in that game. You should be really proud of yourself, you worked through and got a better grade." And it should be all effort-based rather than character based.
Like the other example, which was really mind blowing is to say, you have a daughter, maybe you never tell her she's pretty. You just say you're beautiful, deep down inside and out or make it about something that's more relevant than their physical beauty and how cute and attractive they look at whatever age you're talking to them about. Because, especially a female, they learn to traffic on their physical appearance rather than develop their whole selves, and they form their self-esteem based on the fact that maybe they are considered more cute when they're whatever year and they go to high school and they're the hot cheerleader, whatever, you want to talk about that. And that can be a potentially negative thing to reinforce in talking to your kid.
And you're like, wow, okay, so catching myself and coming out of my mouth – "I'm really proud of you … whoops, you should be proud of yourself the way you handled that." And then going down the line, "You're a great athlete," good or bad to say to a kid. In this case, maybe not such a great thing, because they form their identity when you talk about them as, "You're really smart. You're really smart in math. You're a fantastic basketball player." If you say that, they want to own that. They formed their self-esteem around it, and then they're afraid to take risks and push the boundaries of a place where they might fail when they try out for the more difficult team or take the higher math class, their identity and their parents' pride is wrapped around how well they excel.
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, I think that is really that part that the child tries to live up to the parents' pride. What you just described creates a child that only wants to have more positive stimulation from their parent. Instead of having the inner drive, they only need stimulation of what they want to achieve or what they think is beautiful. Like if they create a picture, a piece of art, who cares what anybody else thinks about it. The question is what do you think about it? What do you like about your piece of art? Instead of giving them particular notes and grades based on what the teacher thinks is beautiful on the piece of art.
I see that happening even though Ari's School – Ari is my son. Even though his school is very open-minded and they do mindful meditation as part of kindergarten already and they do it every year, and they are very anti-bullying. They have a whole anti-bullying program, but it's still about grades. And the children, they have to show their best artwork at the end of the year, and then it's being showed to the county and the county then decides if they get a number one, number two or number three.
My son has been crying about it because he thinks his art piece was so beautiful, and then he only got a two minus instead of a one like some of the other ones in class. And he said, "Why do they all get a one and I get a two minus?" I think that's crushing our children. It really is. It's absolutely unnecessary pressure that we put in our little kids. If the children want to be in competition when they are older, they can choose to do so. But we don't have to force them into this competitive thinking, especially around art and expression. Where it's about them feeling good about what they do and somebody else knocking them down by telling them that your peers in class are actually doing better. How do you really know that an art piece is better? It's a piece of art.
Brad Kearns: I guess it's a teaching moment there to say, one thing important in life is not care what other people think so much. You think you did a great job, that's great. And then the parent can support that. And that exact example I think was brought up in the article where if they present you a piece of art, you find a way to praise the effort rather than judge the finished result. Like, "You can sell that. That's amazing." No, there's no need to say that, because that's putting yourself into comparison to someone who sells their art and that designates them as a professional artist. Forget that. It's like, "Wow, that must have taken you a long time, and interesting here how you used two colors for the birds. What made you decide to do brown and blue?" "Oh, you looked outside."
All that, it will light up any kid even if they get an F-minus from the school, you bring it home and go, "Did you have fun doing it? It seems like you were really into it. I saw you in your room." And the whole perspective changes from this win or lose, do or die type of mentality that's so damaging. And that's what we're carrying around, we adults with issues and therapy sessions and trying to unwind all this bad programming where even a well-meaning parent's saying, "I'm proud of you for this, I'm proud of you for that," maybe needs some unwinding.
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, I really love this discussion.
Brad Kearns: I know we got a whole another podcast out of here, so thank you Gitta. What a great show. This is my dream to just get free flowing and we got into parenting. It started with Brad's class clown experience. I was going to do an outtake for five minutes. We're just killing it right now. Gittasivander.com. By now, if you're not going to hit that website and watch some of those videos that you did – that was really engaging because you're up there like with a blank screen and just going forward and looking into the camera , walking your talk. Right?
Gitta Sivander: Yeah, so I do it myself. I don't really have a videographer working on me and polishing up everything. It's just about showing up.
Brad Kearns: Thanks for listening again. For Brad and Gitta Sivander, have a good day.
Oh, by, I get to talk about my Almost Heaven Sauna. This has been a life changing acquisition that gives me easy and constant access to one of the most health boosting therapeutic treatments imaginable. The sauna, yes, of course, it's been a cultural tradition in Scandinavia and other cold weather countries for hundreds of years. Maybe it's your favorite part of your health club visit or your ski trip vacation resort. But what about if you had a personal sauna in your own home, in your garage or your backyard?
Check out almostheaven.com. They make these super attractive barrel-shaped saunas made of thick, solid wood. None of this fake stuff. It's super easy to assemble. They ship it in a kit to your door, you watch the video, you put it together, and get an electrician to wire it, and you're good to go. Turn the timer on and 30 minutes later, you are in the hot, hot, dry up to 180 degrees Fahrenheit. And that is the magic zone to get the vaunted health benefits of sauna exposure.
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I have this classic outdoor pinnacle model. It's six foot by six foot, fits four adults sitting comfortably or two adults reclining and instantly going into napping mode. I know man, when you get in there, no matter what kind of day you had or what mood you're in, you will instantly feel chill. And this is called a hormetic stressor. A positive natural stressor that creates an adaptive response. So, with regular sauna use, you become more resilient to all forms of stress that you experience in daily life.
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Welcome To The Get Over Yourself Podcast
I clear my throat and set the tone for what to expect on the wild ride that is the Get …
Peter Attia: Longevity, Diet, And Finding The Drive
I head to San Diego, via Mexico (relevant shortly) to catch up with one of the great health leaders of …
The MOFO Mission (you should choose to accept it!) is off and running and lives are changing.
MOFO has been nothing short of an incredible addition to my daily life. After a few days of taking this stuff, I started noticing higher energy levels throughout the day (and focus), increased libido (no joke!!), and better sleep (didn't expect this at all!), not to mention better performance in the gym. I was finally able to break through a deadlift plateau and pull a 605lb deadlift, more than triple my body weight of 198 pounds! I was astonished because other than the MOFO supplement (and it's positive, accompanying side effects) nothing else had changed in my daily routine in order to merit this accomplishment. I'm a big believer in MOFO and personally, I like to double dose this stuff at 12 capsules per day. The more the merrier!"
TJ QUILLIN
28, Union Grove, AL. Marketing director and powerlifter.
"I've been taking MOFO for several months and I can really tell a
difference in my stamina, strength, and body composition. When I
started working out of my home in 2020, I devised a unique strategy
to stay fit and break up prolonged periods of stillness. On the hour
alarm, I do 35 pushups, 15 pullups, and 30 squats. I also walk around
my neighborhood in direct sunlight with my shirt off at midday. My
fitness has actually skyrockted since the closing of my gym!
However, this daily routine (in addition to many other regular
workouts as well as occasional extreme endurance feats, like a
Grand Canyon double crossing that takes all day) is no joke. I need
to optimize my sleep habits with evenings of minimal screen use
and dim light, and eat an exceptionally nutrient-dense diet, and
finally take the highest quality and most effective and appropriate
supplements I can find."
DUDE SPELLINGS
50, Austin, TX. Peak performance expert, certified
health coach, and extreme endurance athlete.
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text:
A waterfall of 'smelly sewage' is running through a family's garden
Brett Moran and wife Anita say they have complained to South West Water countless times about the foul-smelling sewage that keeps pouring on to their property
Millicent Cooke
A Plymouth family say they are "astounded" that no-one will stop the waterfall of smelly sewage that keeps flowing into their garden.
Brett Moran, 51, and wife Anita, 51, said that they have complained to South West Water countless times about the foul-smelling sewage pouring on to their property.
Family say they are 'trapped' in their Plymouth home because of flooding
But they say that the water firm told them that permanently fixing the problem isn't a priority.
Care worker Brett, who lives in Laira, said: "They have said that it is not classed as a high priority case and that it will be dealt with as and when they get around to it.
The disgusting waterfall of 'smelly sewage' that flooded their garden (Image: Brett Moran)
He added: "They basically said it was on the list of things to do.
"I was astounded when they said that, especially as fixing it is not a major job."
Brett said that the problem is caused by a broken manhole cover, which was forced open by rising water, allowing sewage to pour out and flood his property.
The couple, who have a 19-year-old daughter, say that they are very concerned about the constant flooding on Curlew Mews.
They also claim that if SWW continues to ignore it – the problem could get out of control.
Brett said: "I'm concerned that this will get worse. It is only a matter of time before it comes into my property."
Brett Moran and his wife Anita (Image: Brett Moran)
The family, who have rented the property since March, say that flooding has been a problem since they moved in.
Brett told The Herald that he has contacted SWW several times about it, though it continues to remain an issue.
A spokesperson for South West Water said: "We will always prioritise internal sewer flooding over external flooding.
World War Two veteran whose door was smashed down while he slept billed £200 for damage
"However, we always aim to attend any report of flooding as soon as possible."
Speaking of Friday's flood, the water firm said: "Sewer flooding in the car park on Curlew Mews was reported to us at 11.30am.
Brett said he had to buy sandbags for his garden so sewage doesn't flood his home (Image: Brett Moran)
"Three operators attended at 1.20pm and cleared a blockage which, combined with heavy rainfall, had caused sewage to spill out through a manhole.
"The area has been cleaned and the sewer has been returned to normal service.
"The blockage was caused by a build-up of unflushable material (such as baby wipes, hygiene wipes, moist toilet tissue, cleaning wipes, cleansing pads and sanitary products).
State-of-the-art Central Park café designs submitted
"These products take much longer to break down than traditional toilet paper and can build up in pipes, causing blockages."
They added: "We encourage our customers only to flush the 3Ps - pee, paper and poo – and dispose of any other items, such as wipes, cleansing pads and sanitary products, in the bin."
South West Water

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


This is taught periodically throughout the year and is reinforced at the beginning of each class meeting.
*For those enrolled in the Diploma Program Additional Topics are included.
Additional Fall Faculty: Joe Loizzo, Robert Thurman, Richie Davidson, and Mark Epstein.
Class topics include: Analysis of the Seven-Point Mind-Clearing Text / Mind-Training Practice (Lojong) / Giving-and-Taking Practice (Tonglen) / The Social Science of Destructive and Pro-Social Emotions / Relevance to Interpersonal Neurobiology / Neuroscience and Research of Compassion and Altruism.
Additional Winter Faculty: Joe Loizzo, Robert Thurman, Miles Neale.
Class topics include: Analysis of the Mentor-Bonding text / Role-Modeling and Mentor-Bonding Visualizations (Guru-Yoga) / Relevance to Self-Psychology / Jungian Analysis /Narrative therapy / Neuroscience and Research of Visualization.
Additional Winter Faculty: Pilar Jennings, Robert Thurman, Diana Fosha, Evan Thompson, Mary Reilly-Nichols.
Class topics include: Analysis of a Great Seal text/ Great Seal Practice of Radical Open-Mindedness and Blissful Neurochemistry (Mahamudra) / Subtle Body Science: Channels, Winds and Drops / Relevance to Philosophy of Mind / Embodied Cognition / Polyvagal Theory / Deep Affect Therapy.
This is taught throughout the year and meditations are reinforced at the beginning of each class meeting.
*For those enrolled in the Diploma Program additional topics, theories, assignments and clinical supervision, practice sessions and case studies are included.
Student may enrol in either Year I/Year II.
Friday Cohort Meetings, Lecture Series, Group Supervision, Clinical Supervision with Marco Mascarin, Miles Neale & Guest Presenters & Supervisors (5 Fridays in total, 6-9pm - online meetings) *Additional 5 In-Class Monthly Sessions for Diploma Program required).
*For details on the schedule times on these days for Diploma Program students - please email.


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Code licensed under the Apache License Version 2.0. This project was created by Dominik Stadler.

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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


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Q: convex approximation for a non convex function Consider the function
$f\left( {{x_1},...,{x_M},{y_1},...,{y_N}} \right) = \left( {\sum\limits_{j = 1}^M {{\alpha _j}{x_j}} } \right)\left( {{e^{ - \sum\limits_{i = 1}^N {{\beta _i}{y_i}} }}} \right)$
where ${\alpha _j} \ge 0,{\beta _i} \ge 0$ are given constants.  This function is non-convex since the Hessian matrix is not positive semi-definite. How can I obtain a good lower or upper convex approximation for this function?

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


Emergency closure before the start of the school day: If school ever needs to be closed for emergency reasons, including due to severe weather or loss of utility or heating services, information and regular updates will be posted on the WCBC website and on the school website as soon as possible.
Emergency closure during the school day: There may be rare occasions when an emergency situation means school has to close early, for example, in the event of a power failure or if the weather worsens during the school day and weather forecasts indicate a significant deterioration likely to affect local travel. Parents will understand the complexities of contacting parents individually in these situations, especially when buses are called early before road conditions become dangerous. It is important therefore that all parents are aware of the procedures that school will follow in such an event.
Arrangements for sending students home: You will be receiving this week a letter asking you to confirm emergency contact details for your child and also asking for you to indicate whether or not you give permission for your child to be sent home from school in the event of an emergency closure during the school day without us first contacting you. Please make every effort to return this as soon as possible. It is essential that we have at least one contact number which can be reached promptly in such an event. Once the decision has been made to close early and the necessary arrangements are in place, then students will be supervised in their form groups to contact you as quickly as possible (if permission has not been received in writing previously) either via their mobile phones or via the school office. A notice will also be placed on the school website and on WCBC's website. Please do not call the school to check if we are open or not as this will reduce the number of lines available to call parents.
Students will be dismissed from school either as school transport arrives, when parents collect, or in order to walk home. Students will not be allowed to leave the school site, without parental permission being received, either through prior written consent or telephone contact on the day. It is particularly important for parents to note that we would not be able to hold school buses back for students for whom there was a delay in being able to obtain permission to leave. Parents would then be responsible for making arrangements to collect their child or arrange for them to get home.
Obviously we strongly encourage full attendance and hope that this guidance gives you confidence to sent your child to school as normal, even when bad weather is forecast. Please ensure that your child comes to school suitably prepared, with appropriate outdoor clothing and knowing how to contact you and if agreed with you, get home, or to a safe place (a relative, or friend) in the event of an emergency closure.


The Central Statistical Bureau has been conducting a labour force survey of Latvia for already the 11th successive year striving to obtain information by interviewing households about the economic activity of the population of Latvia, that is, employment and unemployment, gender, age, education qualification of the population and the breakdown of the labour force by kind of economic activity and occupation.
Implementing an European Union financed twinning project in cooperation with Statistics Finland the interviewers for the conduct of the survey in the middle of January 2006 will start using laptops that are provided with a state-of-the-art software for computerised interviewing (BLAISE) that was created specifically for the survey questionnaire, data collection and logical control.
By means of this software it will be possible to reduce time for interviewing population and to alleviate work of the interviewers because the respondents` answers will immediately be entered into the computer and by means of the system GPRS they will be operatively directed through the Internet to the common database. This software will already at the time of the interview detect illogical or incorrect responses, allowing verifying them on the spot thus improving the quality of the data obtained. This, in turn, will provide an opportunity to start the processing of data sooner since there will be no necessity to spend time for identifying the possible mistakes.
Before the implementation of the survey the households are sent an informative letter indicating the potential date and time when the interview might take place. Upon their arrival, the interviewers will produce their identity card with a photograph.
The data obtained by means of the survey are the source of information for the government, other state institutions and researchers about the situation in the labour market. The results will be published in the data collection "Labour Force Survey: Main Indicators", the database of the CSB home page, the Statistical Yearbook of Latvia and in the data collections devoted to Riga, the regions and the situation of children in Latvia, etc. The statistical data characterising labour force are available in the database of Eurostat, the database and yearbook of the International Labour Organisation, the database of UNESCO and in the publications prepared by other countries.
The CSP urges the households to be responsive and obliging and to co-operate with the interviewers as every response of the people is important for the acquisition of qualitative data.
According to the Law on State Statistics the protection of individual data on each person and household is guaranteed. The interviewers are forbidden to disclose any information that has come to their knowledge while fulfilling their official duties.


Controliss Linio Stripe Ophelia battery powered roller blind is a contemporary pattern based on waves of magenta, green and neutral grey. Bright and fresh for a crisp and distinctive palette, this pattern is cool and timeless. The retro design and muted green and crimson colours will provide a strong backdrop for your room.


The primary purpose of your position is to assist in the day-to-day accounting function of the facility in accordance with current applicable accounting and cost reimbursement principles relating to the long-term care operations, and as directed by the Director of Financial Services. Please contact Shannon Herzig at 508.765.9133 for more information.
The primary purpose of your position is to provide assistance in all dining services functions as directed/instructed and in accordance with established dining services policies and procedures. Please contact Shannon Herzig at 508.765.9133 for more information.
Assists in the provision, collection of assessment data, and direct treatment to a general rehab caseload under the direction and supervision of a Physical Therapist. Participates in the clinical team process. Provides teaching and training to caregiver staff. Participates in clinical program development. Please contact Shannon Herzig at 508.765.9133 for more information.
The primary purpose of your job position is to provide your assigned residents with routine daily nursing care in accordance with our established nursing care procedures, and as may be directed by the licensed staff nurse. Please contact Shannon Herzig at 508.765.9133 for more information.


The pages on www.gsa.gov may include hypertext links or pointers to information created and maintained by other public and private organizations. GSA provides these links and pointers solely for our visitors' information and convenience. When visitors select a link to an outside website, they are leaving the www.gsa.gov site and are subject to the privacy and security policies of the owners/sponsors of the outside website.
When GSA provides such links, it adheres to the following policy.
Links must be consistent with sound public policy and support the mission of GSA and its programs.
If GSA has a formal relationship with organizations or businesses, www.gsa.gov may link to their sites. All participating partners in a business venture with GSA must be treated equally.
GSA regularly reviews the quality and usefulness of the sites it links to. However, GSA cannot be responsible for their content or privacy policies as noted in the Disclaimers of Endorsement below.
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This presentation is GSA's notification to visitors that these links are to nongovernment sites and that the disclaimers below apply.
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Check the GSA.gov Privacy and Security Notice for more information about GSA.gov Privacy and Security policies.


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Mine Our Data!
Or let us. That's Michael Agger's request for Facebook:
It would be helpful for transportation planners to know the places where people complain the most about traffic. Educators could see the data and sentiment analysis around how a community feels about its local schools. The writer Marshall Kirkpatrick at readwriteweb.com has called for Facebook to open up its data for research. He points to the fact that the discriminatory practice of redlining was discovered "when both U.S. Census information and real estate mortgage loan information were made available for bulk analysis." And he rightly speculates that "patterns of comparable importance" could be found in Facebook's enormous social graph.
Facebook's challenge is to leverage that social graph in a way that doesn't alienate us all. The site analyzes us for the benefit of its advertisers but offers only limited peaks at what its engineers are capable of.


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The contested real estate empire of a colonial Senegalese businessman
While looking for information on Dakar's mid-century housing crisis, I came across a little legal story that played out in the pages of the newspaper Paris-Dakar in 1948. This was the year of the death of Alassane N'Dir, a major landowner in Dakar and a prosperous businessman and philanthropist. By the time he died, N'Dir had been an active merchant for over half a century, since starting up in 1895. He first made his fortune trading kola nurs in Côte d'Ivoire. In that colony, N'Dir acquired a portfolio of urban land from early on: in 1906, he purchased a block…
by Tom Westland	 January 23, 2022
Transport of crops to market — a little fact
In the 1970 world census of agriculture, seven countries asked farmers how they transported their crops to the first point of sale (to a market, or a trader, etc.). All seven countries were reasonably poor (under US$1000 per capita GDP) but it is striking how common transporting crops to market by foot was in the two African countries compared to the South/Central American countries and Jordan (still a low-income country at the time the census of agriculture took place, though it grew spectacularly in the 1970s due largely to remittances). Of course, there are physical differences between the countries —…
by Tom Westland	 December 6, 2021 December 6, 2021
The Xi-Biden summit and the global economy
I have a column in the Australian Financial Review on the US–China summit and the lack of leadership in the global economy.
by Tom Westland	 November 21, 2021
New article: How accurate are the British colonial Blue Books?
I have a new article out at the Economic History of Developing Regions on the British Blue Books, a staple source of statistical information for historians of the British Empire. In the article, I compare the retail prices listed in the Blue Books with market prices collected from African newspapers in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, and show that in some contexts the Blue Books can be an unreliable source for price history.
by Tom Westland	 August 19, 2021 August 19, 2021
The rent was too damn high: Singapore edition
As my more devoted readers know, I am very interested in the relationship between housing costs and historical living standards and have shown that incorporating estimates of housing costs in a measure of the real wage in colonial Dakar makes a substantial difference to the story. I'm trying to accumulate more evidence for the proposition that housing costs matter, and in particular the proposition that housing costs likely swallow up a substantial fraction of the increase in real urban income in cities in developing countries where housing supply is relatively inelastic. One part of the developing world which is relatively…
by Tom Westland	 July 13, 2021
Food prices and the Little Divergence
One of the less remarked upon 'divergences' in the economic history literature is the 'Little' Divergence between West Africa and Southeast Asia in the twentieth century. Up until around the 1970s, the differences in income between the two regions were not large. But after that point, Southeast Asia grew much quicker. Some Southeast Asian countries—Laos, Cambodia, Myanmar—have followed a more 'West African' path, but broadly speaking the divergence in striking. There is no single explanation for the divergence. One is simply the existence of Japan, which seeded low-wage industries in which it was no longer competitive to Southeast Asia with…
by Tom Westland	 June 8, 2021 June 8, 2021
New working paper: the long shadow of history in international trade
Along with coauthors Isabella Weber, Gregor Semieniuk and Junshang Liang, I have a new working paper out at Rebuilding Macroeconomics, drawing on a new database of global commodity-level exports in the period of the 'first globalization'.
by Tom Westland	 February 21, 2021 September 29, 2021
Urbanisation without industrialisation
One of my favourite papers from the past 10 years is Gollin, Jedwab and Vollrath's paper on 'Urbanisation with and without industrialisation'. They note the difference between 'production cities', where manufacturing dominates, and 'consumption cities', where the services sector rules. They connect this with natural resources, and with non-homothetic preferences in consumption: a natural resource boom brings 'manna from heaven' (essentially, income without opportunity cost), and this can be spent on food, manufactures or services. As incomes grow, the demand for food grows too, but not in proportion to income. People demand more manufactures and more services. Since manufactures can…
Gratuitous chart #3: integration in the market for enslaved labour
Recently Martin Klein wrote an interesting article suggesting that the functioning of urban slave labour markets in Africa require more theorising, and (fortunately, since a chapter of my dissertation is on precisely this subject) I agree. One question worth exploring is a subset of the more broader question of market integration: were domestic African markets for enslaved labour integrated with the broader trans-Atlantic slave trade? Paul Lovejoy and David Richardson argued about twenty-five years ago that they were integrated, rejecting Emmanuel Terray's thesis that they were two essentially distinct and unconnected markets. But Lovejoy and Richardson's conclusion was based on…
by Tom Westland	 December 11, 2020
Just added: real wages in colonial Dakar
I've just added a new dataset, documenting the evolution of the real wage in colonial Dakar. I'll add a more detailed documentation soon, but the major sources come from archival material in the Senegalese national archives.
by Tom Westland	 December 7, 2020


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Pioneer Life
Our Hometown
Music & Pictures
John G. Cullmann, Founder
Natural History & Special Exhibits
Other historic sites
Upcoming Events & News
Music & Photos from Cullman's Past
Come see the clothes children wore and the games they played in an earlier and simpler time. You will be impressed with the christening gown Nora Foust's father made for her that has been used by five generations of the Foust Family. Beautiful dolls and carriages and a 1930's Lionel Train set are just some examples of the vintage toys on display at the Museum.
See historical photos of Cullman
A spectacular wall of historical photos of Cullman is fun to examine. Local visitors always have fun trying to guess the building and location. There is an interesting picture of John Cullman surrounded by a group of women, which in German is referred to as a Kaffeeklatsch, be sure and ask your guide for the interesting American translation.
Sacred Harp & other regional music
There are many beautiful examples of musical instruments of the time that kept people tapping their toes and raising their voice in community celebration. There is an unusual shaped piano that was owned by former Cullman Mayor W.J. Nesmith. Another interesting item is a music box, more than 100 years old, owned by longtime Cullman merchants, Maggie and Charlie Stiefelmeyer, which if you're lucky, your guide will play for you.
There is also an interactive sampling of popular types of music including a sampling of Sacred Harp Music for which the Cullman area is internationally known. The Cullman County Courthouse is the last courthouse in the world to host a Sacred Harp singing convention every year in July. People visit Cullman from around the country and world to attend the event.
Other exhibits at Cullman County Museum:
211 2nd Avenue, NE
Cullman, AL 35055
Copyright © Cullman County Museum | All rights reserved
Website Development by Red Sage Communications, Inc.


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Greatness is a perception by others. What makes a leader great is more than achieving the mission, goal, or results – greatness is also about how he or she got us there. It's a complex set of factors not adequately described by a couple of words – but we can get in the general vicinity with these three traits:
saying what you will do
doing what you say
inspiring others to do their very best to achieve goals/results.
George Washington is admired as a great, if somewhat reluctant, leader. These two stories from the closing days of the Revolutionary War highlight his ability to inspire followers and achieve seemingly impossible results.
The momentum of the war was shifting in favor of the Colonial Army under General Washington's command and he wanted to press this growing advantage by crossing the Delaware River again to mount an unexpected attack on the British and the Hessians. Unfortunately, there was a huge problem – most of the troops had fulfilled their commitment to serve and were preparing to return home.
The troops had turned down an offer to pay them for continuing another 6-weeks, then the General visited the bivouac areas of the various units to speak with the men. His message was that there would never be another point in their lifetime that they could make such an important contribution to the freedom of their country as they could in the upcoming battle, AND that he would be honored to fight beside them to win the victory. The troops committed to joining him.
What money could not accomplish, a humble personal appeal to do for the greater good won their hearts and shortly, won the war.
After winning the Battle of Yorktown, General Washington and his senior commanders received a message that British General Cornwallis wanted to surrender. When the Cornwallis party arrived to present his sword in surrender, they attempted to present it to Washington – he refused to accept the sword and pointed to his second in command, General Benjamin Lincoln to receive the sword. By this simple action, Washington made clear that he did not see Cornwallis as an equal, and, more importantly, General Lincoln receiving the sword of surrender removed any doubts that Lincoln had Washington's support and confidence (Lincoln had lost a major battle to Cornwallis earlier in the war).
Great leaders are aware of the effect of their words, actions, and messages – direct and indirect – on their followers and others, and make good use of opportunities as they present themselves to reinforce the importance of the mission and goals as well as value subordinates bring to achieving the results.
See the New World – A View from the Big Chair
Labels: Actions and Deeds, communications, Incentive, leadership


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Dubai commits to investment and development strategy
Dubai will not revise its spending or investment plans despite the ongoing slump in oil prices, the chief executive of one of the emirate's main sovereign wealth funds, Investment Corporation of Dubai (ICD), has declared.
Mohammad al-Shaibani, who oversees ICD's interests, which include significant stakes in Dubai's bluechip companies including Emirates, Emaar and Dnata, told journalists the emirate's economic diversification strategy would protect it from further price shocks.
"There won't be a lot of shift in terms of strategy," Shaibani told a media round table, noting that oil production accounted for just 2 percent of Dubai's economy.
He explained that Dubai's Department of Finance was not considering raising debt and "should really balance the budget", according to a report published by Reuters.
"The growth in the country and in the income is (through) services and is more or less enough to support the planned budget," he added.
Dubai, which will become the first city in the Middle East to host a World Expo in 2020, plans to spend billions of dollars developing infrastructure in preparation for the event.
Highlights of this investment include extending the Dubai Metro, the development of the Dubai South precinct and the expo site itself, and the ongoing expansion of the emirate's transport infrastructure, including Dubai International and Al-Maktoum International airports.
Dubai aims to attract 20 million visitors by 2020 and is hoping to attract tourists from non-traditional source markets such as South Korea, Issam Kazim, chief executive of Dubai Corporation for Tourism and Commerce Marketing (DCTCM), recently revealed.
Dubai received 13.2 million visitors in 2014, which marked an 8.2 percent rise on 2013 figures.
More than 60,000 new hotel rooms will need to be built over the next five years to accommodate the influx of visitors.


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Is your mobile phone spying on you?
By James Rivington 06 March 2008
Cyber-criminals could know what you did last summer
Phones are the perfect spying device because we carry them with us all the time
At CeBIT this week, we met up with the endlessly fascinating Mikko Hyppönen of F-Secure. He told us how hackers are thinking up ever-more ingenious methods of hijacking your online bank accounts.
Hyppönen also works as a consultant to many European security services, advising about the threats posed by viruses, Trojans and hackers. He told us that there is a growing concern in the security community that mobile phone viruses are a much bigger threat than anyone knows.
"There is currently a bit of an epidemic of mobile phone viruses. And that's why security companies are now making anti-virus software for mobile devices. But the main problem with phones is not viruses, but spying tools," Hyppönen said.
"Once a spying tool is installed on a phone it becomes invisible and the user of the phone has no idea that it's running in the background. It then reports everything you do, every phone call, text, email you make or receive.
Spying device
"If your phone has GPS like the N95 it even reports your location so that the person spying will know precisely what you're doing, who you're talking to and exactly where you are on the planet, down to a few square feet.
"Phones are the perfect spying device because we carry these things with us all the time, everywhere we go. We thought that this kind of thing would only be used by the security services like the CIA and MI5, but since we've been working on real cases, the majority of the cases are actually abusive or jealous husbands."
Hyppönen demonstrated to us the ease with which normal people can get hold of spying software which will enable them to spy on anyone who has a mobile phone.
"And it's really easy to do, you just go to a website like Lexispy which is based in Bangkok, and you can purchase the software which you then download to your target's phone. It's a big site so you can see there's a market for it. You can see on the site it costs €100 so all you have to do is borrow someone's phone for two minutes, download it and then give the phone back.
"You can then log into the site using your password and you'll see a screen which shows you all the calls and texts your target has sent and received. You can see all the numbers of people that have been in touch with your target. And it's even possible to listen in to their calls. It's pretty bad – that's why you need antivirus on your phone."


Start with the first day of one period and count right up to the day before the first day of your next period. Count the first day of bleeding or spotting as day one. The average cycle length is 28 days, but can range anywhere from 20 to 45 days.


An original scripted short film written, directed and produced by Department of Entertainment and Media Studies student Paige Marogil was recognized as the Best College Story in the 2018 Middle Georgia Film Festival.
The comedy, titled "Four Five Nine," takes place in the near future, in which people are unfairly ranked in a social caste system according to their DNA ranking of 1-9. The film features Oliver, whose DNA rank has him at the bottom of the social caste system, but he and his friend, Bo, don't let that stop him from sharing one last dance with the girl of his dreams.
"Four Five Nine" can be viewed online.
Marogil also served as lead editor, casting director, and dance choreographer. Other EMST students serving on the crew included Caitlin Guffin, director of photography; Shelby Cerniglia, sound mixer, boom operator; Caleb Moss, boom operator; Anna Wing, assistant editor, 2nd assistant camera); Sean Carruthers, 2nd assistant camera; and Tori Hunter, 2nd assistant camera.