May 2013 – He Said What?!
Have you ever found yourself in a place in your life where you never thought you would be found? Sometimes it's very dramatic, such as receiving an overnight medical diagnosis or facing the sudden death of someone you love. Other times it's a slow occurrence of situations that pile up but yet inevitably bring you to that place………that place you never imagined yourself having to face. Many times, no one except our family or closest friends even know that we are in that place. Their prayers and their love are invaluable, yes, but still we may feel alone.
Over the past five years, I have faced the loss of some things that I love. As I talked to a good friend last night, the word that came to me was the word "adrift." I feel, and many of our friends feel, adrift……….not certain of where we will land……….trying to find our moorings…….just hanging on some days.
This morning, as I have been reading and studying the book of Matthew, I found myself in chapter 26. Reading this scripture, and then the Gospel of Matthew expositional commentary by James Montgomery Boice, challenged and blessed me in the way that I truly needed today. Sandwiched between two terrible acts of betrayal………the plotting of the chief priest and elders against Jesus, as well as the treachery of Judas…………is the tender story of Mary and her sacrificial love for Jesus.
This Mary is the sister of Martha and Lazarus, and is the one who was always sitting at Jesus' feet. She sat at Jesus' feet and got to know Him as she listened to Him and talked to Him and worshipped Him. Here she was, not far away from the time that she would watch her Master die a brutal death, and for one last time she approached Jesus with her final gift. John and Mark also tell us that Mary broke the vial that she was carrying and out of it she poured a very expensive perfume, or oil, on Jesus' head and then on His feet. Mary understood even more than the disciples about what was to soon take place. She gave this most important gift of hers to Jesus as an expression of her love for Him, and of thankfulness for His gift soon to be hers as He would die on the cross for her sins.
I'm sure that Mary shared the same uncertainty and fear that the disciples felt. Their world was about to crumble. Jesus was going to die. He kept repeating that fact to all of them. On one hand they had the corrupt, conniving chief priests and elders……and on the other hand, there was the thief Judas betraying their Lord for a mere few pieces of silver. Christ's followers were surrounded by hopelessness and evil from individuals, religious leaders, and the government. In the midst of it all, Mary gave Jesus all that she had as an evidence to Him of her complete trust and devotion. She didn't ask for answers or reasons or direction or blessing. She just broke her vial and gave all to Jesus.
So my thoughts today have been of the past few years and of how many parts of my life Jesus has whittled away while I've inwardly tried to hold on tight. Even some seemingly good things…….some productive parts of my life………have been taken away. I don't necessarily understand it or like it or even approve of it. But in it all, I know that Jesus wants me to sit at His feet and learn from Him. He wants me to trust Him totally. He wants me to break that vial that holds my valued treasures and pour them out for Him……….to be willing to let them go in an act of worship and obedience. Without answers or reasons………just trust.
My tears may mingle with the perfume that I pour on Jesus' feet, much as I imagine that Mary's did, but the sweet smell of that sacrifice will bring honor to God and will bring peace to my heart.
Humbly at His feet I bow.
Take me, Jesus, take me now.
I wondered how Aaron would do this morning with having to get up to go to his day group after three fun days off. On his days off he was up early, in the shower without having to be told, and very happy first thing in the morning. I dreaded what this morning would hold as he faced reality. Aaron likes his day group, but if given the choice I do believe that he would stay home every day.
It didn't help that Aaron had two seizures during the night. I was surprised, therefore, to hear him get up on his own this morning and go to the bathroom. However, he went back to his room and shut his door – which is not a good sign at all. He was either feeling bad from the effects of the seizures, or he just didn't want to leave the house. I waited for awhile until it was finally time for him to really start getting out of bed and getting ready.
I softly knocked on his bedroom door, and then I opened it and stepped inside. He was all snug under his multiple covers…………and he did not want to be bothered. I spoke to him, and then left. I repeated this action several times until I finally got a reaction from him. "Leave me alone," he muttered. And so it went for a few more tries. I decided not to say anything about his seizures that he never remembers. I knew he would latch onto that as a reason to stay home.
I became a little more insistent as I continued to go in his room and tell him to get up. I also tried to interest him in his coffee that was cooling downstairs in the mugs he likes, and also in the applesauce that I thought he would want. Finally, as I turned once again to walk out of his room, he perked up and asked, "Mom? Did you see what was on my door?" And as I looked up on his door, there on his Star Wars poster was a pink post-it note on which Aaron had scrawled a note to Mom. He has done this before, but his notes rarely say the same thing. I peered up at the note and saw what he had written.
Oh, if Aaron only knew how many times I've wanted to do just that……..to get lost. Saturday evening was one of those times. Aaron's heart was set on watching Wheel of Fortune with me. I thought I had enough time to do just a little ironing before Aaron's favorite game show came on, but I wasn't quite finished when I went in to Aaron's room and told him to go on down and turn the TV on. He set aside what he was doing, and went downstairs…….only to find that I wasn't there. "Mom? Mom? MOM!!" he yelled. He barreled upstairs to find me finishing up a shirt I was ironing. One little shirt. But Aaron was very unhappy that I wasn't downstairs getting ready to watch Wheel of Fortune with him. I told him that I would be down in just a minute, but to Aaron this was totally unacceptable. He quickly escalated into yelling……..and I was not in the mood for this behavior on this day that had previously been so pleasant.
I then did the thing that never, ever works. I yelled back. But Aaron cannot be outdone in these battles………a fact that I know but that I disregarded in my complete frustration. No more details are needed, but I will say that I just totally lost my temper. For those of you who might see me as the most patient parent on planet earth………..your bubble has just been popped. I can get angry with the best………..or the worst……….of them.
I'm not proud of this incident and have even wondered if I should write about it. But I want to be honest as I portray life with an autistic adult child. I am imperfect. I get tired and frustrated and angry. Sometimes other concerns are weighing me down. When Aaron has a breakdown over something so selfish as me not being there to watch Wheel of Fortune at the moment he wanted me to be there, then I just might cross that line that leads to my own breakdown.
I took a little time to remove myself from Aaron and from the situation. Talking to Gary helped, as did getting some fresh air and collecting my thoughts. I also asked God to forgive me, as well as Aaron. But Aaron is so matter-of-fact about an argument. He can resume his life as if nothing even happened, while I am in an emotional heap. I was fighting guilt while he just wanted to know if we could play Skip-Bo later or tickle our backs. I wish I could pick up, dust off, and move on as quickly as Aaron can.
I know this is part of life that any parent faces. A parent of a child, adult or not, with special needs must also balance figuring out what it causing the emotional outburst of their child with trying to maintain some calm and discipline…………..for themselves as well as for their child. Sometimes it's just too much, especially when our minds are tired or overwhelmed with other issues as well. I know not to let the guilt of my lack of control be something that I allow Satan to use in order to discourage me. I accept God's forgiveness, even as I know I must forgive myself and close that chapter.
Get lost, Aaron wrote this morning. Ah, if only life was that simple! When Aaron starts escalating into anger, I wish I could hold up a Get Lost sign that either would apply to him…….or would allow ME to get lost until he calms down. But I can't do that, so I buck up and deal with it………with God's help and with lessons learned from years of experience.
I'll just leave Aaron's Get Lost sign on his door for awhile to remind me that it's best not to lose the lessons we learn and the growth we experience as we travel this journey together.
Aaron got up early on Saturday morning, headed straight to the shower……which is surprising…….and then came slowly downstairs to find me in the kitchen. I told him good morning and he immediately answered, "My back is sore." I smile, not because Aaron's back is sore but because he rarely returns our greetings in the appropriate way. This morning his sore back is of utmost importance to him, so therefore he thinks that it should also be of utmost importance to Mom.
I assured Aaron that I was sorry about his back, which prompted him to continue. "I was sleeping in a wrong direction……..kind of bent," he said. I expressed more concern, and he added, "I wasn't in a normal kind of sleeping way." As he got ready to eat some cereal, we talked about why we don't always lay in a normal kind of sleeping way and that this sometimes causes a bent back, and then a sore back. Aaron wanted an answer to this dilemma, and he also wanted to talk it to death. Typical Aaron.
We later went outside, where Aaron relaxed in the mulch with his coffee and his mulch trash can. I sat nearby on the porch glider, wondering how Aaron's back felt as he sat there all bent over…………. but I was not wanting to bring up his back issues again. He talked and talked about many other things as we drank our coffee, and as I wondered what the people in the passing cars were thinking about this grown young man hunched over under the tree in the mulch. Aaron does make us a rather unique family, for sure.
When Aaron finally stood up from under the tree, he was a little stiff. This reminded him of his aching back, so he said, "My back is sore. I should not have slept bent." Here we go again, I thought. I knew that Aaron was going to discuss his bent, sore back all day. Later, when he decided to lay down for a quick nap, he told me that he was going to try not to sleep bent. And then when he woke up, he was happy that he had slept in a straight way and not a bent way.
We went to Wal-Mart soon after his nap, and as we were in front of the store………….in the crosswalk, of course……….Aaron was continuing his sore, bent back story and decided right then and there to demonstrate just what he meant by sleeping bent. "You know, Mom…..I was sleeping like this!" And I looked over to see him bent sideways in the middle of the crosswalk, as if he was doing side bends for an exercise class. I wondered if someone watching on the security camera was either laughing or sitting up straighter as they tried to figure out what this unusual young man was doing in the middle of the cross walk………..not to mention what all the people milling around thought. Oh well. I just walked on as I told Aaron to quit bending and to come in the store. I'm pretty much a pro at this embarrassing business.
Yesterday morning Aaron got up and came downstairs once again. "Mom! Finally I slept straight!" Yay, Aaron! But he wasn't totally cured, I found out, as he continued by telling me that his back still hurt some. He launched right in to what it means to sleep straight as opposed to sleeping bent…………and why we sometimes sleep bent………..and how to make sure we sleep straight…………and why sleeping bent produces sore backs. Every little detail of sleeping straight and sleeping bent had to be gone over and over with Aaron.
He ended by saying, "I can't make my back go away from hurting!" I laughed and I assured him that with time his back would indeed go away from hurting. It's hard to tell with Aaron how much of this constant talk is a ploy for attention, and how much is just his usual way of talking about every issue of his life until there could not possibly be another word to say……….but with Aaron there are always more words to say, even if he's already said them many times. He took me seriously in home school as I told my kids that repetition is the key to learning. Man, did he ever!
I can happily say that this morning I dared to ask him how his back was feeling. He answered by saying that it felt better today. It took him a few seconds to answer and I was holding my breath. I think that perhaps we have moved beyond his bent back and that it has finally gone away from hurting.
I'm waiting for the next issue that he wants to talk about and to demonstrate. I just hope it's not in the middle of the Wal-Mart cross walk!
This past Sunday was a pretty stressful day around here. I'm not talking about the huge storm that moved into Wichita…….or the tornadoes that were just to the south of us…….or the hail…..or the sideways rain……….or the fierce winds. I'm talking about spending this delightful day with Aaron – and no electricity for about 7 hours. When his precious weekend schedule is disrupted, no matter the reason, then regimented Aaron can……and did……become most unhappy.
Gary and I were watching the weather. We knew that there was rotation in the huge clouds that were all around us. When the tornado sirens started blaring, I went up to Aaron's room and told him that it was time for us to head all the way downstairs to the basement. Aaron resisted this at first because he was playing a computer game, but he finally walked into the kitchen carrying his supplies for our stay in the basement. He was carrying his soft, black, fuzzy pillow; his favorite blanket; his two current favorite DVDs; and his watch, dangling from his fingers and for some reason not on his arm. He was wearing his shoes and socks, so that was good. Just before we headed down the stairs, the electricity went off. This was the real storm threat to us in the long run, but we thought that surely the power would be back on soon and so we were not alarmed.
Our basement is finished, with carpeting and couches – and lights and a nice television that we couldn't use because of the lack of electricity. Gary and I ventured upstairs a few times to check on how the storm was progressing, but Aaron stayed where he was. He pet Jackson for awhile, and listened to the hail and the wind…….and talked a lot, of course. Finally he put his fuzzy pillow on the couch, laid down and placed his blanket on himself, and went fast asleep. Everything was going nicely, I thought. Silly me.
The storm had calmed down and was nearly over when Gary and I went upstairs to look out once again. I soon woke Aaron up, and he gathered all of his belongings together before thumping up the stairs. It only took him a few seconds to realize that the electricity was still off. He put his pillow and blanket and DVDs back up in his room, and checked the time on his watch that was now on his arm. Then he asked when the electricity would be turned back on…….and of course we didn't know for sure.
For awhile, everything was fine and happy. We looked out the windows as we surveyed for possible damage. The sun came out, and we walked out on the driveway to look around. Then I decided to do a few things that I could do without electricity. Aaron followed me around as I folded some sheets, got Andrew's bed ready for his arrival in a couple days, put away some laundry, and worked on a grocery list. Aaron was talking and talking as usual, but soon his voice took on a different tone. Electricity deprivation was setting in. We were in trouble.
Aaron has just a set way of doing things. His world functions the way that Aaron wants it to function, day after day. We suggested that Aaron sit down and read a book. But no……..Aaron will ONLY read his Handy Answer Books at night before bed. At no other time will he read a book. Believe me, we have tried to encourage reading at other times of the day or night. But in Aaron's world, reading is for just before bed……….propped up in his bed with his pillows around him in just the right order, along with his faithful back scratcher placed just so-so……and maybe a snack hidden from Mom under his covers. Reading is not for the daytime with the sun shining and while sitting on a couch. That's crazy! And Mom and Dad are crazy for even suggesting such a thing!
We also knew that Aaron would not go out to "do the mulch," as he says. He likes to sit out in or by some of our flower beds, or under our trees, and then break little pieces of mulch into his special mulch trash can. But when the mulch is wet, as it was on this day, it won't break like he wants it to and so he will NOT "do the mulch." Aaron realized that mulch was not an option on this increasingly boring day. And he had already cut out the Sunday coupons. His options were narrowing………and his frustration was rising.
Gary and I could see another storm coming……….a storm called Angry Aaron………..and there wasn't much we could do to prevent it. These times are when we parents of autistic children………..or adults, as Aaron is………..try to balance those issues of using this time as a teachable moment or a time of discipline, as compared to feeling like we give in or enable poor behavior in our children. Yet all of our years with Aaron have taught us that once he starts down a track of great frustration it is nearly impossible to turn him around in the same way that we could another of our children. The disconnect, if you will, in Aaron's brain just won't allow him to see things any other way but the way that he sees it. There are times when we have to see Aaron's world through Aaron's eyes, and then seek to re-route that train that's headed down the track to a sure collision.
Aaron began to blame Gary and I for the lack of electricity. No amount of explaining kept him from blaming us. And if it wasn't exactly our fault that the power was out, it was certainly our fault that we didn't know when it was coming back on. And if it wasn't our fault that we didn't know when it would come back on, it was most definitely our fault that we didn't have a plan of action that would give him something to do. Never mind that nothing we suggested was acceptable to him. It was still our fault!!
Aaron's anger was escalating. When Aaron gets really angry, he will break something – and it's usually something that he likes. So strange, but true. Therefore, I was very thankful when Gary suggested that we go for a drive to see if we could find out where the power problem was. I fully expected Aaron to demand that if we did find the problem, then Gary should climb up the pole and fix it……….since after all, it was HIS fault!
The drive was nice. Of course, Aaron had to have on his favorite music and he had to talk the whole time, but at least he was happier. We finished by going to Taco Bell, where Aaron had to examine every single item on the drive-through menu………and I told Gary to just order Nachos Bell Grande for him……….and right after that was done, Aaron said he wanted tacos. Sorry, Aaron. He ate his Nachos at our kitchen table, in the dusky light, with his TWO spoons and his TWO forks that he got from the silverware drawer, and the napkin caddy, and his water with a straw – always.
Gary grilled turkey burgers and turkey hot dogs on the grill, and Aaron ate a couple hot dogs while trying to sneak some to Jackson – always. Then he and I played Skip-Bo by lantern light, and he was very happy about that……even when I won! And just as we finished our game, the power came back on!! Before I could hardly blink, Aaron had vanished. He was in his room in record time, turning his computer on and treasuring at least a short time to play his game. He wasn't even angry when it was time to get off and get ready for bed. The storm had truly passed, at least for that day.
When I went in to his room to say good-night, he told me to wait a minute. He sat on his bed and reached for his digital clock on his night stand, then told me to tell him what time it was so that he could set his clock. I told him that it was 11:12. Click, click, click. He set the correct time, then stood up and looked at his satellite digital clock by his desk. His eyes became large and almost wild as he said, "It's 11:13!!" Back to his bed he went, and quickly changed his night stand clock to 11:13.
Another crisis averted! Dear Aaron. He wants his life to run like clockwork, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. Yet trying to explain that to Aaron is NOT easy. Sometimes it's not at all possible. Therefore, Gary and I are the ones that have to constantly adjust. We have to reset our way of thinking and our way of disciplining and our way of living on those days and in those moments. We do get frustrated and tired, and sometimes we feel guilty for getting frustrated and tired.
But God is faithful in these storms…….in the tornadoes and in the Aaron issues, God is there. Whether it's 11:12 or 11:13, God is with us. And there is much He can teach us through this Aaron of ours.
Like today……….Wednesday……..Aaron's least favorite day to go to his day group. But that storm story is for another day.
Author hesaidwhatksPosted on May 22, 2013 February 28, 2016 Categories Adult Autism, Asperger's SyndromeLeave a comment on No Electricity??!!
Yesterday morning was one of those mornings with Aaron. If there is a morning that Aaron stubs up and refuses to go to his day group, it's usually on Wednesday. The staff at Paradigm cooks on that day. They fix very yummy meals, but Aaron wants nothing to do with it. For several weeks, Aaron told me that the staff was just going to give them tuna sandwiches and that he doesn't like tuna, and on and on. Well, I checked with some of the staff and found out that they have never fixed tuna sandwiches and had no intention of fixing tuna sandwiches. Aaron was caught and he knew it. Therefore, he has changed his Wednesday tactic.
He got up on his own yesterday. Andrea was busy getting ready to head back to Texas. I found Aaron sprawled out on her floor, petting her little dog, Darcy……..who was trying to hide under her desk because she doesn't exactly trust Aaron. Darcy is a perceptive little doggie. She doesn't like Aaron's booming noises, or how he bursts through closed doors, or his clapping, or his loud talking. She does like the fact that he slips her treats………treats like gummy worms, or peanuts, or pieces of meat under the dinner table. Therefore, Darcy will timidly allow Aaron to pet her as she searches his outstretched hand for a little food nugget. Aaron had no such treat in his hand as he laid there petting her, so she stayed under the desk, keeping her distance as best she could. Smart little Darcy.
I spoke to Aaron and he slowly got up, coming into my bedroom as I was getting ready. He began his Wednesday morning con job. "Mom, I'm tired," he flatly said. I told him that I was sorry, and then told him that I had poured his coffee…….which would work wonders on his tiredness. This was not the response he wanted. He wanted me to quickly realize that there was absolutely no cure for such extreme tiredness as he was now experiencing. So with as much feigned exhaustion as he could muster, he continued. "No, I'm really tired. I read until 11:32 and then at 2:00 I was still awake." His tone was one of utter fatigue and was definitely designed to prick my tender mother's heart……….and to allow him to stay home.
Inside I was smiling, and I was also dreading the way that this morning might progress. Aaron can easily turn very hateful when his worn-out ploy doesn't get the desired result……..which is that Mom will allow him to stay at home. I expressed concern for his weariness even as I went about my business. I once again reminded him of the coffee waiting downstairs and his morning pills. Aaron was beginning to see that Mom had a rather hard heart in her chest on this morning. Therefore, he deployed Plan Number 2.
It was so hard not to laugh. In his effort to ignore me, he was totally NOT ignoring me! I don't know how many times he repeated that he was "iknorin' " me, but I just sat there going about my business………which in reality meant that I was the one doing the "iknorin' "………….not Aaron. He never seemed to come to that reality, however.
At last he was out of sight and I could fully smile, and even chuckle. He actually drank his coffee and took his pills, and then I heard him taking his shower. Progress! A good sign indeed!
He ended up sitting at his desk, watching his new GI Joe movie. I realized that we might be able to leave early enough for me to take Aaron to either Dillon's or Quik Trip to get a drink. Knowing that the very sound of my voice might stir up his anger again, I decided to try a different tactic to ease him beyond his frustration on this morning. I wrote him a note, and then quietly walked into his room. I handed him the note over his shoulder, laying it on the desk in front of him. He read it quickly before I could leave the room, and then he happily replied, "OK!" And he immediately added, very softly, "Sorry." I patted his shoulder and left the room, where soon he joined me to say that he wanted to go to Dillon's. I breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't write me back on that little piece of paper. Instead, he was willing to communicate. More progress!
We had overcome that hurdle, but the rest of the morning was crazy, thanks to Aaron. He said something to Andrea and me about opening the front door, so we rushed downstairs……….where we looked outside and saw Darcy running through our neighbor's yard. We ran outside and yelled, not knowing how far Darcy would run, but thankfully she came back to Andrea right away. I was fussing at Aaron, who seemed oblivious to what he had done, and soon I hustled him into the van. I was trying not to be late to meet his day group ride.
We backed out of the driveway, and Aaron suddenly opened the van door and hopped out, not caring that we were in the middle of the street. He said that he forgot something, and I yelled at him to close the van door. I pulled back into the driveway as he scurried (as fast as Aaron can scurry) back to the garage, where he opened the door and went inside the house. He came back carrying his container of peanuts, and off we hurried to Dillon's.
But at least he wasn't "iknorin' " me, right? We pulled up to the day group van, where Aaron opened his window so that Craig would open his window…….and Aaron continued to talk. I nudged him out as he grabbed his Dillon's bag that held his peanuts and flavored water, and then he grabbed his other peanuts……all the while happily talking to Craig while he juggled his TWO containers of peanuts and his water. Aaron was asking Craig about the barbecue that they were going to have that day, and informing Craig that he would NOT go to the barbecue in the park, water balloons or not.
I had moved beyond being "iknored" and the whole dog incident and the tiredness of Aaron and rushing through Dillon's by the time Aaron barged in the door at 4:30. He rushed upstairs to find me as he yelled, "Mom! Mom!" He burst into my bedroom and proceeded to excitedly tell me about the barbecue in the park……..the barbecue that he had no intention of attending………and of the hamburger and chips he ate……….and the water balloons that he avoided………and the geese that he fed and the goose poop that he scraped off of his shoes.
He dug in his pocket and pulled out some very dirty coins that I had him promptly throw away. He continued to dig in his pocket and then pulled out a very ragged feather. He held it toward me as he said, "Here, Mom! This is for you. It's a goose feather. Here, take it!" I came very close to telling him that this feather was very dirty and that he should throw it away as he did the filthy coins, but the look on his face stopped me. To Aaron this gift was as valuable as a gold and diamond necklace. How could I say no?
So I reached out and took the possible goose feather, and I thanked him as warmly as if it was that beautiful necklace. He hardly reacted, though I knew he was pleased as he thumped up the hall to his bedroom……..where he checked to be sure I had plugged in his keyboard, and then changed his clothes……..with his door open. And he loudly reminded me to tell him when Wheel of Fortune came on, the way he does every single night.
That ragged possible goose feather with who-knows-what on it is still sitting on my desk……….a reminder that Aaron cared enough for Mom to bring me a treasure. I never know what to expect from Aaron from day to day, from hour to hour…..even though at times he is so predictable. His mind is amazing and multi-layered, that's for sure.
I went from being "iknored" to being the recipient of a valued feather of unknown origins. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good day.
Author hesaidwhatksPosted on May 16, 2013 February 28, 2016 Categories Adult Autism, Asperger's SyndromeLeave a comment on I'm Iknorin' You!
I called my mother on Sunday afternoon – Mother's Day. The phone rang a few times and her answering machine picked up. Just as the familiar recording began, I heard Mom's voice faintly say hello. I knew then that I had awakened her from a nap. I waited for the recording to end, for the beep of the machine to subside, and then I spoke to her. She was confused for a minute as she tried to clear her mind. Being roused from sleep always causes her to be very confused. I told her who I was and that I just wanted to call her on her special day – Mother's Day. She was pleased, and as always, her ingrained politeness kicked in as she thanked me for calling. It was almost as if she was talking to a casual acquaintance and not her daughter.
When I asked how she was doing, Mom told me that she had been in bed for awhile and that she really didn't know why. As we talked and her mind cleared, she was still very uncertain about herself. Each time I talk to her, I can read between the lines and I know that she is failing mentally. Actually, I don't even have to read between the lines. Her end of our conversations are most often very vague and this vagueness speaks so clearly of just how unclear she now is mentally.
We didn't talk very long on Sunday. Once the answering machine went off, she couldn't understand me. We said goodbye and hung up. I called Jan then, and she told me that Mom was suffering from a bout of her severe colitis. Bob and Jan, and John and Jeanie, take care of Mom as she lives in the beautiful assisted living center that she has called home for nearly two years. They know all too well how her mental state is changing. One of the saddest things that Jan told me was when Mom opened her Mother's Day card from John and Jeanie, and she asked who John and Jeanie are. It's not the first time that she has shown that level of forgetfulness, but it's always alarming to see.
When I call Mom and tell her my name, I'm not so sure that she always knows that this Patty is her daughter. Her realization seems to come and go as we talk. She never asks about our children by name but will instead ask me how the family is doing. She is always pleased when I give her a report on Gary and each of our children. Mom has that social politeness that is a part of her fabric, so she exhibits happiness as she hears about Aaron, Andrea, and Andrew. But does she even know that these are her grandchildren? And this polite conversation lacks the depth of familial closeness that we always shared. Something is missing.
What's missing is………Mom. Her very being has slowly been drifting away as the effects of her dementia increase. She is living and breathing and talking, but MOM is fading away. We still have her with us, and yet we don't. It's a different sort of death. We watched Dad fight cancer for eight years……….eight mostly good years. He kept his mind all through this time. His kindness……his wit……..his dear humor and sweetness and awareness never left him. We could still share life with him, hard as it was, even as his own life was slipping away.
But with my dear mother, there is very little sharing now. There is surface talk and politeness, but the soul and the connections are mostly gone……..from her side. For us – her children and grandchildren – we are always connected to her in ways that she probably no longer feels. We must accept, though, that the motherly affirmation and expression that even as adults we still long for……..are for the most part gone.
So many times I have found myself thinking that I would call Mom and ask her for some advice……….ask her how she made a certain dish……..ask her for a bit of family history that I wonder about. But then I know that most or all of this part of her is gone. Forever gone. This is a sobering realization. My totally competent, amazingly organized and gifted mother, is now the one who needs Jan or Jeanie to organize and manage her daily life.
She no longer looks at her calendar and knows that March 20 is her anniversary or that May 2 was Dad's birthday or that September 14 is her own birthday. This past Christmas, Jan wrote a note that was taped on each of Mom's presents under her tree. The note simply said, "Do Not Open." Yet shortly before Christmas day, Bob and Jan walked in to Mom's apartment and found that she had opened every single present……….and was ready to put the tree away. We smile as we see in that episode a side of our organized mother that is still there. Let's get the show on the road and then clean up the mess!
Mom's wit and her love of jokes and puns is almost legendary. Yet now, at least when I talk to her, she seems rather flat. Conversation lags between us because she has trouble with making important connections. It's hard to find something to talk about when she can't even remember what that thing is that her cat, Princess, sits in front of………and I gently remind her that it is a window. "Oh yes!" she says. "The window!" And I am struck with just how deeply she is affected……….and how deeply then we all are affected by this fading of her mind and memory.
I love this picture of her, though, still working at The Hunger Challenge at Johnston Chapel. Still serving and smiling and enjoying being able to help. That part of our mother is still there, as is her kindness and her concern for others. This exemplifies my mother to her core, and I'm thankful that she can still physically do these things, though somewhat limited.
This gradual letting go…….this sitting on the sidelines of her life and watching her gradually slip away……..is heartbreaking for all of us. There is really nothing we can do but be there for her, as Bob and Jan, and John and Jeanie, are every day. We can tell her about our families, even as we sense that she's not sure exactly who we are talking about.
And we can, and do, tell her how much we love her. Someday even those words won't really reach her. But we reach into our hearts and into our memories, and we recognize her value to each of us in so many different ways. Our love for her is not based on her memory or lack thereof.
I also realize how important it is that I say to my children the words that I want them to hear from me. Someday I may not be able to say them, even though I may still be here physically. Words of encouragement, instruction, family history, and love………words I hope they store away in their hearts forever.
Our sweet little mommy is fading away, but her example and influence is as strong as ever. In fact, her impact in our lives is eternal and we are all so thankful for that fact…..and for her.
We can smile through our tears and be thankful for all that she was…….and still is today.
I have often referred to an old article that I have had for years when I talk about the traits of persons with Asperger's Syndrome. The article is from the Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support website, known as O.A.S.I.S. Karen Williams wrote a good article there entitled, "Understanding the Student With Asperger's Syndrome: Guidelines for Teachers." But this article is also an excellent resource for parents, siblings, or friends of those with many forms of autism. I remember that when I first read this article, I thought Ms. Williams must surely have met our Aaron. She was describing him so well!
And I say: "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I don't know how many times I have said to someone, "I don't know how many times we've told Aaron not to say……" Or, "I don't know how many times we've told Aaron not to do……." Just fill in the blank. Almost anything would fit. Gary and I continue to correct, reinforce, admonish, explain, redirect……and pray a lot…….and get red faces a lot……..over some of the things that Aaron says and does.
Aaron will call it like he sees it. For instance, someone in his day group has buck teeth. One day Aaron was very excited to tell me about this person. "Mom! ______ has bucket teeth!" As if that wasn't bad enough, he proceeded to demonstrate what the bucket teeth looked like. Somehow I held it together and explained to Aaron that this person couldn't help what kind of teeth he had, and that he shouldn't mock him.
It's a good thing that I have a hard head, because I sure do beat it against the proverbial wall a LOT!!
Now he shouldn't tell people that they are weird, especially not Mom, so once again I reinforced this fact when he came downstairs. And of course, he affirmed, "But you ARE weird, Mom!" Sigh.
I never like for Aaron to answer the phone, but Aaron LOVES answering the phone. A few days ago, as I was getting ready to take him to meet his group, our phone rang. Aaron made a beeline for it, so I told him not to answer it because I couldn't talk. He saw on the caller ID the last name of Travis……..a name he knows well. He was very excited as he pushed the talk button and blurted out, "Mom can't talk now!!" Not even a hello from Aaron! I could hear Jennifer laughing heartily and then Aaron laughed. He thought that this was so much fun! And I was very glad it was my good friend who totally gets Aaron.
And there I stood, explaining to the puzzled young man behind the counter, that our dog's food is round like that sausage is round……….not wanting him to think that Aaron has just insulted the pizza toppings or Papa Murphy's……….and Aaron was off inspecting the buckets of cookie dough and wondering where on earth the bread sticks were.
At those moments, Gary and I look like we've practiced synchronized parenting as we both bent towards Aaron, who was sitting between us, and as we both clamped down on his legs and hissed at him to HUSH!!! I'm sure that we could take gold in the synchronized parenting category. And in the red-faced, we think we're going to have a stroke, category as well.
Oh my goodness, how many times have we wished that we could just tell Aaron to be quiet! But in retrospect, we can look back with much laughter over so many of the things that Aaron has said and done.
And I guess embarrassment is part of building strong character in us as Aaron's parents……….or just shows what a character Aaron is!
I may as well say it – keep talking, Aaron! He's going to anyway.
Author hesaidwhatksPosted on May 6, 2013 Categories Adult Autism, Asperger's SyndromeLeave a comment on Be Quiet!


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Trump Made Lindsey Graham Great Again
by TheWeeklyCaller October 6, 2018 01299
Why did even establishment Republicans like Lindsey Graham suddenly got religion? It's because of who the Left is attacking. Brett Kavanaugh is about as middle of the road establishment Republican guy as you can find. Sure, he's great on guns, and we're counting on that, but he's not some wild-eyed anarchist bent on ripping down the apparatus of the Deep State. He's a guy who has worked inside the Beltway for most of his adult life…
Kavanaugh went to Yale Law, which makes him by definition, an insider. He clerked in the 3rd Circuit, then went on to clerk for Alex Kozinski in the 9th. He earned a fellowship with Ken Starr, the Solicitor General of the US, moved on to clerk for US Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. Then he ended up back with Ken Starr, in the Office of Independent Council. Starr must have liked him because he had him come back as an Associate Counselor, and in that role was the principal author of the Starr Report, which is what got Clinton impeached. (as far as I'm concerned, this is Kavanaugh's greatest sin according to the Left) He was pro bono counsel to relatives of Elian Gonzalez, trying to keep Clinton from kicking the poor kid out the US. He also was on W's legal team on the Florida recount, and was hired by Alberto Gonzales, the White House Counsel.
I dare you to read all of that and not draw the obvious conclusion. He's the insider's insider. He's so much a part of the establishment that even W was making calls to make sure this Trump appointee got the votes.
So why did Lindsey Graham suddenly get Woke? Trump could have appointed anyone. During the Gorsuch nomination the filibuster was finally destroyed for Supreme Court nominations. He could have nominated anyone and trusted that all he needed was 51 votes for confirmation. But instead, he nominated the insider's insider. And the Left does what the Left always seems to do these days. They channeled their inner Otter and screamed
"I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!"
And they decided to go all out on a guy that even Lindsey Grahamnesty considers a perfectly normal ordinary decent guy. The Left went nuclear on a boring ass dude who is known to his neighbors as a "carpool dad," shuttling students to and from practices, games, and other activities. You couldn't get more Dad Life than this guy. They attacked Mr. Everyman. The Left didn't attack a wild-eyed lunatic. They attacked a boring ass dude in a minivan who happened to have worked with ALL the Beltway insiders and has apparently been friends with Graham for 20 years.
This is either the greatest stroke of luck Trump has ever had, or it's evidence of Trump playing 3D freaking chess against people confused by Chutes and Ladders. The Left absolutely can't help themselves. They attacked a guy who even had the support of milquetoasts like Grahamnesty. They made it clear to even the most myopic of NeverTrumpers that they were bent on absolute destruction rather than a simple partisan advantage. They did the impossible. They put the Rhino wing of the party in Trump's pocket.
Here's my election prediction. Republicans pick up seats in BOTH the House and Senate. Why? Because the Left had to go and make a really stupid and futile gesture. And Trump led them to it by their collective noses. He even made Lindsey Graham great again.
Submitted article
BRETT KAVANAUGHDonald TrumpLindsey GrahamSCOTUS
What Justice Gorsuch Might Mean for the Second Amendment
TheWeeklyCaller February 1, 2017
NRA Moves Forward with Discovery in First Amendment Case Against NY Governor Cuomo
Dean Weingarten November 29, 2018 January 5, 2019
Two Bills Targeting Ammunition Quietly Introduced in NJ Legislature
TheWeeklyCaller March 17, 2017

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Ceramic components with complex structures such as undercuts, cavities or variable wall thicknesses are difficult to produce using traditional manufacturing methods. By means of additive manufacturing ceramic materials, we can produce such geometries quickly and economically. Thus, it is possible to accelerate your product development. The SICAPRINT product family is particularly suitable for corrosive, abrasive and high-temperature applications as well as ballistic protection applications.
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SICAPRINT Si is our solution for high temperature applications up to 1400 °C where high abrasion resistance is required. At very high temperatures, SICAPRINT Si shows better mechanical properties than most metals. To produce SICAPRINT Si, 3D printed silicon carbide is used as the base material, which is refined by infiltration with liquid silicon. In addition to its temperature and abrasion resistance, SICAPRINT Si also features very high hardness and very good thermal conductivity. Due to the wide variety of SICAPRINT Si variants, you can select the best solution for your needs.


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IdPhotos Pro is a complex software application that provides you with professional tools to process images for passports, visas and various types of ID cards in order to meet the international requirements and regulations of most countries. Built-in database with over 281 ID formats for more than 80 countries puts ID Photos Pro at the top of its class.


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September 28, 2018 March 27, 2019 jarue Column, Writing 4 Comments
The difference between telepathy and empathy is nothing. We are hairy sweaty dolphins with kneecaps navigating the world with emotional sonar. Dolphins experience sound as a mandala. Our face is the sound of our feelings. Nothing lights the brain up more in an MRI than facial recognition. Nothing burns more calories than our thoughts. We are human empathy computers that have been hacked by a lying elite. Psychopaths have disseminated a million floating bottles with false messages. Each wash up on our shore and tear at our heartstrings. We are lost knowing which one to believe. We attack each other on the beach from the smoke of this emotional terrorism. That is until you see the face of Mrs Kavanaugh. Everybody drops their bottle and sees her face so very clearly. If you want to see how Congress honors women, watch Ashley Kavanaugh sit helplessly through her husband's statement.
There is a credibility in silence. Mrs Kavanaugh has it and she never held a microphone. You could watch her face with the sound turned off and still hear every word as it was spoken. Dr. Ford was armed with a microphone and a cup of coffee. She was prepared by experts to be both cerebral and collegiate. But we are empaths and our words are silly decorations. Dr. Ford felt justified lying about Kavanaugh because Dr. Ford never had justice. She morphed back into a girl asking for help with her microphone. That girl is the real victim. A ten-year-old trauma victim still living in an unjust world. She owes no one any special treatment. Especially not someone who represents the very thing that failed her. There is no greater symbol of justice than the Supreme Court. But Dr. Ford does not know justice. She is still frozen in her own regression. Her entire history makes her a corrupted witness.
Why would Dr Ford give justice to Kavanaugh? She regards him as one of the guys that made it. It causes an acid to form in her wound. She feels completely justified making his world feel like hers. This is the essence of the equality movement. It's okay as long as we suffer together. Her testimony is credible because she recalls her own trauma. A drunk man took her when she was too young to stop him. This is the meaning of "forced from behind." She wasn't surprised by his stealth – she was surprised by the violation. Her trust was raped at the top of the staircase as she was thrown into the bedroom. Ford said she couldn't tell if it was Kavanaugh because it wasn't Kavanaugh.
Anger is the natural reaction to injustice. Both parties are credible. Dr Ford was sexually assaulted a long ago and Kavanaugh wasn't her perpetrator. The assailant in all of this is Dianne Feinstein, a democratic Senator from California. She took Dr. Ford as her victim and forced her up the steps of the capital. She told a ten year old Ford to say it was all "cerebral" and "collegiate." But trauma is a somatic experience and justice was robbed yet again by a committee of politicians. I was falsely accused a few years ago and walked through this same gauntlet. I have seen firsthand how trauma justifies victims to act in ways where no one has justice. Ford thinks if she can't have justice, why should Kavanaugh. Trauma is a dripping acid and our government failed both of them just like they always have.
Feinstein repeated Dr Ford's trauma by raping her trust on camera. Feinstein was completely sober when she did it. She planned it for weeks. She turned Ford's real story into a lie and reduced it to a spectacle. She forced a political story into her head and demanded it look cerebral. Ford trusted the wrong person again. We are surrounded by these sharks. Sharks will never be sorry. We are lucky if they kill us quickly. The worst thing that could happen is for them to gently bleed us from our bellies in the water. Dr Ford was raped by a predator swimming in alcohol. Her trauma is a reverberating regression. It is the opposite of time travel. Pain makes us selfish because it has to. The worst thing we can do is call Dr. Ford a liar. She is a survivor who still hasn't been rescued. Kavanaugh's daughter, age ten said, "let's pray for her." Let that girl be our representative. We are empathic creatures swimming in a shark tank of Senators. Ford will never know justice now. She has been given dopamine instead. Her truth is a lifetime away because of it.
Blind empathy is an insult. Discerned empathy is true compassion. Until we learn this, false accusations will continue.
Our government failed us again in that hearing. Our representatives are killing us one-by-one for their own sport. It is trauma to force us to watch it. They are filling the beach with more-and-more bottles and we are giving them money to keep doing it to us. I know how we can get rid of these sharks. We don't even need a bigger boat. We have everything we need right in front of us. We must decentralize and disempower those who treat women like this. We have to stop pretending government is doing the best it can. Dianne Feinstein is not failing our country by accident. She is here to gut you like she did Dr. Ford. She will only keep throwing more bottles. We need to stop reading her. We need to turn and meet ourselves face-to-face. We need to go back to using our empathy. This can never happen with a partisan statement on camera. Everything the shark says is a lie. Every single word.
The Trauma Army
Trauma Programming
Field Notes from Truth's Trench
American Rapture
feinstein, kavanaugh, psychopathy, trauma programming
Daniel Lee the Psychopath
A Dinner for Saturn
Karen Sullivan
We're kept so busy talking about Kavanaugh and Ford that we lose focus on the true psychopaths orchestrating it all.
Chris A Milburn
While I have serious doubts about Dr Ford's story as told to the Senate Judiciary Committee this past Thursday I can honestly say she was used as a pawn by the Democrats. From Senator Diane Feinstein to her lawyers, Debra Katz and Micheal Bromwich, the had to have her behave like the proverbial horse led to water. When it comes down to her credibility there are two things that stand out. First of all is her supposed fear of flying due to chlostrophobia brought on by the incident which turned out to be a lie. Secondly is the fact that… Read more »
For me it was suggesting she stored her trauma in the hippocampus.


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Kaliningrad-Berlin train to start running on December 14
A one-way second class ticket on the Kaliningrad-Berlin train will cost EUR 61.2 while a return ticket will cost EUR 86.2. The train will start running on December 14. As the press office of Russian Railways has announced, the journey from Kaliningrad to Berlin will take 15 hours, 16 minutes while the return journey will take 15 hours and 52 minutes.
A meeting was held in Moscow last week between representatives of the Russian and German railways which was devoted to organizing passenger trains between Russia and Germany. They agreed to open a direct Yekaterinburg-Berlin line in the summer of 2004. Once the Polish and Belarussian railways have confirmed the plan, the Yekaterinburg-Berlin sleeper carriage will be attached to the Saratov-Berlin train. The journey from Yekaterinburg to Berlin will take 67 hours, 30 minutes while the return journey will take 69 hours and 27 minutes. A one-way ticket will cost EUR 169.4 while a return ticket will cost EUR 250. A direct daily rail service between Moscow and Brussels was also agreed upon and will start operating from April 29 2004. A second-class return ticket is expected to cost EUR 214.6 while a first-class ticket will cost EUR 271.2.
The two sides also discussed the possibility of organizing a tourist rail service between Berlin and Saint Petersburg by using a TALGO train which belongs to the German railways. The TALGO tourist train will be expected to transport passengers from Berlin to Saint Petersburg in 30 hours.
10 sleeper carriages are currently being refurbished for operating the Kaliningrad-Berlin line on the orders of Russian Railways. The carriages will meet contemporary standards of passenger comfort and safety standards.


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Q: Why can't I add a second term to my function (add taxonomy to body class) I need to see the categories in the body to call certain CSS. I tried to add a second category term to the allready excisting working code. But it won't work for the newly added category (portfolio_category). What am I doing wrong?
//add taxonomy to body class
 add_filter( 'body_class', 'themeprefix_add_taxonomy_class' );
 // Add taxonomy terms name to body class
function themeprefix_add_taxonomy_class( $classes ){
    if( is_singular() ) {
        global $post;
        $taxonomy_terms = get_the_terms($post->ID, 'arbocategory',  'portfolio_category' );
        if ( $taxonomy_terms ) {
            foreach ( $taxonomy_terms as $taxonomy_term ) {
            $classes[] = 'tax_' . $taxonomy_term->slug;
            }
        }
    }
    return $classes;
}

A: https://developer.wordpress.org/reference/functions/get_the_terms/
get_the_terms() accepst two paramters $post, $taxonomy, you can't just dump multiple taconomies to the function and expect it to work. you need to run get_the_terms() twice.
function themeprefix_add_taxonomy_class( $classes ){
    if( is_singular() ) {
        global $post;
        $terms = array('arbocategory', 'portfolio_category');
        foreach ($terms as $t) {
            $taxonomy_terms = get_the_terms($post->ID, $t );
                if (is_array($taxonomy_terms) && count($taxonomy_terms)>0) {
                foreach ( $taxonomy_terms as $taxonomy_term ) {
                    $classes[] = 'tax_' . $taxonomy_term->slug;
                }
            }
        }
    }
    return $classes;
}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
Q: redirect for www.xyz.com/?/12345 to domain.com/12345.html we have to move one of our web projects but have (printed) urls/QR Codes in the market, that currently would fail.
Example:
QR Code resolves to
http://www.domain1.com/?/12345
We would like to forward this url to our new server with the help of .htaccess on domain1.com - the forward should go to:
https://www.domain2.com/?/12345
We cannot just forward ALL requests, as ONLY the /?/xxxx content has been moved ...
We know the /?/ has not been the best choice, but those codes cannot be modified right now any more :(

A: You must first check the query string for the appropriate pattern, and if the request is for the root. Then redirect to the new domain
RewriteCond %{QUERY_STRING} ^/\d+$
RewriteRule ^$ https://www.domain2.com/?%{QUERY_STRING} [R,L]

To check for a slash, followed by anything is the same as checking for just a slash, e.g.
RewriteCond %{QUERY_STRING} ^/

When everything works as it should, you may replace R with R=301 (permanent redirect). Never test with R=301.


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Albreda Lake är en sjö i Kanada.   Den ligger i provinsen British Columbia, i den centrala delen av landet,  km väster om huvudstaden Ottawa. Albreda Lake ligger  meter över havet. Den högsta punkten i närheten är  meter över havet,  km väster om Albreda Lake.

I omgivningarna runt Albreda Lake växer i huvudsak barrskog. Trakten runt Albreda Lake är nära nog obefolkad, med mindre än två invånare per kvadratkilometer.  Trakten ingår i den boreala klimatzonen. Årsmedeltemperaturen i trakten är  °C. Den varmaste månaden är augusti, då medeltemperaturen är  °C, och den kallaste är januari, med  °C.

Kommentarer

Källor

Insjöar i British Columbia

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


text:
John Daly Once Lost 67 Pounds By Going On The Jack Daniel's & Popcorn Diet
Josh Sanchez | May 9, 2017 10:43 am
John Daly, diet guru. Did you ever think that is something you would hear?
In a recent interview, Daly revealed an old story about the beginning of his career at the University of Arkansas. Daly was asked to lose weight, so he decided to try out a special diet to lose 67 pounds.
What is the secret to trimming the pounds?
Well, if you are John Daly, it is apparently Jack Daniels and popcorn.
From Golfweek:
Daly recalls that in order to play college golf at Arkansas, he was told he had to shed some weight. So, he lost 67 pounds in 2 1/2 months thanks to the time-tested diet of … Jack Daniel's and popcorn. As for a long-term way to keep off weight, Daly claims that then-Razorbacks coach Steve Loy – who would go on to coach at Arizona State and then become Phil Mickelson's agent – told him, "Smoke a cigarette, it'll curb your appetite." And (allegedly) thus
Jack Daniel's, popcorn and cigarettes.
That sounds like an easy enough diet to follow to me. Count me in.
Photo Credit: Instagram
2017 Kentucky Derby Live Stream, Post Time, Complete Field & Odds
Sportsgolf


This unique discipline of the Parachuting competition events combines two sports - Giant Slalom and Accuracy Landings.
Each competitor makes two runs of a Giant Slalom course, designed an controlled by FIS under International Ski Regulations, and then six parachute jumps from a helicopter, exiting at 1000 mts intending to land onto an electronic recording landing pad with a 2 cm disc in the centre.
The electronics radiate outwards in rings of 1 cm incriments to a maximum of 16 cm; being measured beyond by tape-measure to a default of 50 cm. If the disc is the first point of contact with the ground by the jumper the score is 0.00: 0.01 is added for each centimetre from the centre. At the end of the 6 rounds there is a cut-off for the semi-final and final rounds which only count for the individual event.
The individual accuracy winner is the person with the lowest cumulative score over 8 rounds, and the team with the lowest cumulative score over 6 rounds. However this is only one element to determine the overall winner.
To reflect the origins of this discipline, the landing pad must be located on a slope of between 25 and 35 degrees.
For the skiing part, the fastest time on the course is awarded 0 points - each competitor's time is then converted to points; a point is scored for each 0.32 seconds slower than the fastest time. After the two runs the competitor with the lowest number of points is the winner of that element.


The versatility of phosgene derivatives extends beyond pharma and polymers.
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Phosgene-derived chloroformates and acid chlorides are, by their nature, reactive chemical species and are employed as key building blocks in many diverse downstream applications. These intermediates are used in the manufacture of organic peroxide initiators for use in plastics and in activating groups used to make antibiotics and other pharmaceuticals.
Copyright © Altivia. All Rights Reserved. Designed by FDI Creative.


Our latest engagement shoot took us to the city of brotherly love, the one and only Philadelphia! We were so thrilled to be able to shoot in a city for an even cooler couple.
Devon and Eric showed Emerald Stone the ropes and introduced us to just a few of their favorite spots, including the scenic walking paths near the Ben Franklin Bridge, some quiet, quaint spots beside the Schuylkill River, and the awesome PHS Pop-Up Garden and Biergarten on South Street.
Even better yet, we got to meet Devon and Eric's 8 month old puppy, Bodhi, who is too adorable for words. We're pretty much totally in love with this couple and their home, and it's not hard to see why.
Their photos turned out so great, and we can't wait to film in Philadelphia again! Thank you to Devon and Eric for being so incredible and for having such a fun shoot with Emerald Stone.


A couple of weeks ago, restaurant chain Square Pie folded. There's nothing particularly interesting about a food chain going down, of course. But Square Pie had sold bonds on the Crowdcube platform, offering lenders 8% a year. It illustrates why so many people are suspicious of mini-bonds (debt issued by small, retail-orientated firms). Anyone thinking of lending to just the one relatively new business has to be aware of the risks – and then ask: is 8% enough?
This type of mini-bond is much less common than it used to be, as the wider trend has been to make bonds – or lending to small businesses in general – more diversified. Yet the aim is still to provide income-starved investors with a decent yield, just backed by a wider range of projects.
The latest offering in this category comes from a platform called Goji, which aggregates a variety of direct-lending and peer-to-peer (P2P) platforms. It has just brought out a Renewables Lending Bond, which pays out anything from 5.5% for a three-year term (with regular income) to 7.6% over five years, where the interest is rolled up at repayment. The underlying assets are provided by a direct lender called Prestige Group, which lends to clean-energy projects. Goji has gone out of its way to reassure investors, appointing independent directors, custodians, administrators and compliance experts, as well as an independent security trustee.
The book of loans – around 39 – has an average duration of four years, with a typical loan-to-value ratio of between 70% and 80%. Crucially, this book of loans should be backed up by a reliable stream of income from renewables subsidies. The bond looks and feels very similar to the smart-meter bond currently being marketed by Foresight, which lends against assets as well – smart meters – and yields between 4% (for the one-year version) and 4.83% for the three-year bond, with interest rolled up.
The idea here is diversification for income investors – with the moral of the story being not to lend to just one project. In that sense, the more direct comparison is with either listed investment trusts such as P2PGI and VPC (which haven't been an astounding success) or more specialist online platforms such as BondMason and WiseAlpha. These last two alternative-finance platforms lend their investors' money out across a range of borrowers, in order to build a diversified income.
In BondMason's case, the platform selects its loans from a wide range of P2P and direct-lending outfits, and is currently churning out an income yield of well over 8% a year. WiseAlpha takes a slightly different approach, and invests in senior secured corporate debt and loans from well known names such as the AA, Aston Martin and Virgin. Its Smart Interest product invests in a pool of these loans and bonds, and churns out an income of between 3% for a one-year term through to 6% over five years.
The key with all of this is to think about how long you want to lock away your cash. Tying up your money for a year is much less risky than signing up for a five-year term. Why? The "risk-free" rate is currently on the increase: US ten-year Treasuries are already yielding not far off 3% a year, and could get to 3.5% this year. These increased rates will wash back into bond markets and we should expect to see reasonably low-risk government- and investment-grade corporate bonds yield anything between 2% and 4%.
Given this, any bond or income-based asset investing in risky private assets needs to be paying at least 3%, if not 4% to 5% – with five-year durations yielding above 6%. And even at those rates I'd be cautious. There has to be a decent chance that the current global business cycle could turn down within the next two years. In the inevitable economic slowdown we should reasonably expect all private business assets – including those with a renewable subsidy – to experience increased default rates.
• Peer-to-peer (P2P) lender Zopa is expecting a higher rate of default on its loans than during the financial crisis, says Kate Beioley in the Financial Times. Zopa originally expected 4.14% of loans originating in 2016 to default, but recently revised this up to 4.93%. Loans from 2017 are expected to default at a rate of 4.86%, up from 4.52%. For loans from 2008, Zopa expected a default rate of 3.58%, but actually saw a rate of 4.2%.
The higher defaults are a result of higher-risk lending, says Zopa – in 2016, it began lending to higher-risk borrowers in an attempt to boost returns. But estimated annual returns are now falling, too. The return on 2017 loans stands at 4.7%, below the 4.9% of loans from 2016, and the 5.2% of loans from 2011 and 2012. This is as a result of adding lower-risk, lower-return loans at the same time as the higher risk loans, according to the platform.
• Stelios Haji-Ioannou, the founder of easyJet, has relaunched his financial services brand, easyMoney, and is offering an innovative finance individual savings account (IF Isa) that he says will return 4.05%. The IF Isa will invest in "multiple property-backed P2P loans", with all loans being "secured by a first legal charge over a property". It is aimed at investors who have "had enough of the poor interest rates offered by cash Isas and are nervous about the potential volatility of most stocks and shares Isas". The IF Isa is not backed by the Financial Services Compensation Scheme (FSCS).
• Revolut, the smartphone app that allows users to transfer between currencies at no cost, has broken even for the first time, says James Titcomb in The Daily Telegraph. The firm launched its service in 2015 and now has 1.5 million accounts – numbers have increased by 50% in just two months – and is valued at £300m. The app has 350,000 daily users, with between 6,000 and 8,000 new accounts opened every day. Earlier this year, Revolut added cryptocurrencies such as bitcoin and ethereum to the list of currencies available to buy and sell. Last year, it applied for a European banking licence, which will allow it to offer full bank accounts.


text:
Albums that Changed the World · Audio · Playlists · Summer Festivals
LivelyLands' cozy, 'stress-free' approach and its founder's 'Albums That Changed the World'
by John Sinkevics and Ross Boissoneau
Beyond high-profile festivals this weekend such as Hoxeyville and Breakaway is northern Michigan's intimate LivelyLands. Learn more about it and see which albums have influenced founder Emily Lively.
Back to Backyard Burdickville: LivelyLands unfurls this weekend. (Photo/Cameron Holck)
SCROLL DOWN FOR EMILY LIVELY'S 'THREE ALBUMS THAT CHANGED MY WORLD'
Oozing intimacy, relaxation, camaraderie and low-cost admission, small Michigan music festivals such as northern Michigan's LivelyLands have sprouted up across the state in recent years, showcasing regional stars in charming outdoor settings.
"Aside from offering a more stress-free, less claustrophobic concert experience, this festival is designed for music lovers," insisted Emily Lively, executive producer of the festival being held Aug. 19-21 at Backyard Burdickville outside Empire. "Just because we are small doesn't mean we skimp on the details. From the get-go, I knew that quality sound was a priority for the festival. … Our artists really appreciate this."
With only about 300 attendees, the festival that started as a pilot event in 2017 has enjoyed "slow and steady progress" in terms of growth. "I would be thrilled if we were able to get our numbers up to around 350," Lively said.
Playing LivelyLands: Fay Burns (Photo/Anna Sink)
Stressing "quality over quantity," this year's event will feature an eclectic blend of performers, including Grand Rapids soul/R&B singer Avalon Cutts-Jones (who headlines Saturday night), New York indie folk-pop duo The Sea The Sea (headlining Friday night), Michigan singer-songwriters Michael Camp and Fay Burns, Virginia native and indie-rocker Rebecca Loebe and a half-dozen other mostly regional acts.
"My goal has always been to have our attendees come because they know that it's going to be a special lineup and they are going to get to experience new things," said Lively, who makes sure that at least 50 percent of the acts are female-fronted artists. "Going back to being the festival for the music lover; a true fan loves to explore new things."
Keeping with the cozy, family-friendly theme, the festival kicks off Friday with a "Farm to Festival" barbecue dinner in partnership with The Lively Farm, featuring guest chefs and food grown right on the festival grounds. Regular weekend tickets are $125 and day passes cost $40-$65, with additional fees for camping and various special packages. Get details online at thelivelylands.com.
"We have ample free parking for all our attendees and we now have 30 rustic campsites on the festival grounds," she added. "We will never be so full that there isn't ample space to get as close to the stage as you want, spread out your blanket and feel good about letting your kids run free. We rarely have long ticket, merch, beer or food lines, and our potties stay clean."
Emily Lively (Courtesy Photo)
The festival has a new permanent location at property Lively and her family purchased on M-72 east of Empire (now dubbed Backyard Burdickville) which they are now utilizing as farmland, campground and festival site. "Things are looking beautiful. I'm excited for it having a permanent location," she said.
Lively got her feet wet in the event field while working for South By Southwest in Austin, Texas, for several years. She started LivelyLands while still working for the Austin-based multi-media cultural festival, and has also worked with Kerrville Folk Festival.
She knows her way around the music festival scene and has listed some iconic artists as her go-to favorites.
1. Bob Dylan, "Blood on the Tracks" (1975) – I've listened to it for a very long time. Every song is perfect. "Simple Twist of Fate" is one of my favorites. I listened to it on repeat for a very long time. He's moving away from folk. His use of rhyme appealed (to me) as someone who loves lyrics.
Listen: "Tangled Up in Blue"
2. Joan Armatrading, "Show Some Emotion" (1977) – It's just amazing. It was in my parents' album collection. Mom had it. I'd tell her in high school, "I just can't go to school today." Mom was OK with that. I made breakfast and listened to it over and over. I sang classical and got into jazz stuff in high school. Joan Armatrading (offered) so much funk influence.
Listen: "Show Some Emotion"
3. Joni Mitchell, "Court and Spark" (1974) – It's jazzy, but she's still in her folk phase. It makes me smile a lot. The way the album moves – I love the jazzy influences starting to come into her. As a young songwriter (she realizes) there are other options out there. The last song ("Twisted") I sang at a childhood talent show once.
Listen: "Court and Spark"
Currently Loving: Good Looks, "Bummer Year" (2022)
They talk about Texas a lot. The singer and guitarist and I go back. We have mutual friends. There's vivid imagery, beautiful guitar melodies. It's (like the) songwriting of great old Austin writers in a modern Americana rock feel. The whole album is great. They were the artist of the month at KUTX public radio.
Listen: "Bummer Year"
ALBUMS THAT CHANGED THE WORLD: Emily Lively's Playlist on Spotify
Note: 'Court and Spark' isn't available on Spotify but you can listen to the album via YouTube here.
Copyright 2022, Spins on Music LLC
Tags: folkindie-rocksinger-songwriter
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Q: When you Ctrl+C a block of content from MS Word, what kind of structure does it have? I'm interested in finding out what kind of format the data takes when placed inside the clipboard. This is because I need to develop a kind of WYSIWYG editor that accepts pasted data from MS Word, and I want to keep the original formatting if possible. That includes tables and bullet points. Does Microsoft have any documentation on this?
I'm coding on PHP, btw.

A: From MSDN > Desktop > Learn > Reference > Windows Application UI Development > Data Exchange > Clipboard > Clipboard Overviews > Clipboard Formats [emphasis mine]:

Many applications work with data that cannot be translated into a
  standard clipboard format without loss of information. These
  applications can create their own clipboard formats. A clipboard
  format that is defined by an application, is called a registered
  clipboard format. For example, if a word-processing application copied
  formatted text to the clipboard using a standard text format, the
  formatting information would be lost. The solution would be to
  register a new clipboard format, such as Rich Text Format (RTF).

There are a lot more details on that page.

A: If you are coding a WYSIWYG editor, then that will (almost certainly) be done in Javascript, and you won't have to worry about how the formatted text from Microsoft Word is represented before it is pasted, because you will not have access to this anyway.
You will, however, need to worry about how it is represented in HTML once the user presses paste, and the browser requests and processes this and pastes the result into the ContentEditable/DesignMode element as HTML nodes.
To a large extent, how well it is formatted in HTML is dependent on how well it was formatted in Word.  As we know, it is easy to be non-semantic in Word, by using the font size drop-down instead of altering paragraph styles, by using bullet characters rather than actual bulleted or numbered lists, etc.  If you depend on bulletted lists becoming proper HTML unordered lists, you will need to hope that whoever added them in Word added them using the list function, or you will have extra complicated processing to do otherwise.
The end result may also be influenced by which browser the user is using, whether it's in quirks mode, and which version of Word they are using.  Also, the same document opened in OpenOffice will paste differently into HTML in the browser.  You will need to use a general-purpose HTML filter and sanitiser, server-side.
In addition, you will probably want to filter out the following, at a minimum, from the resultant HTML (unless you are interested in preserving any custom style the user added, regardless of its appropriateness for the web):

*

*IE-specific conditional comments.  Sometimes these end up in the resulting HTML

*Any inline styles, including the style= attribute, <style> elements, etc.

A: There will be more than a dozen formats to choose from. Text, RTF, HTML, and OLE are the major ones.  There will also be stupid formats such as Bitmap, which are rendered on-the-fly using delayed rendering.


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In addition to being exceptionally rugged, the EDS-P506E-4PoE series of PoE switches offer four ports that deliver up to 60W to power IP cameras employing energy-draining functions such as PTZ, illumination, heaters, wipers, and fans. Built-in Smart PoE Powered Device (PD) detection and plug-and-play integration eliminate the hassles of installation for effortless supply of power to any PD. Device-level cybersecurity, remote control, and the capability to monitor powered devices round-out the EDS-P506E-4PoE's impressive feature set and qualify it to meet the operational requirements of Intelligent Transportation Systems, traffic monitoring, and public utilities, among others. SFP fiber ports can transmit data up to 75 miles from the device to the control center with high EMI immunity, while its two Gigabit combo ports support high-bandwidth communications.
One of the most useful features of the series are its Smart PoE software that facilitates web accessible PD diagnostics and management. It helps end-users achieve automatic PD detection of power class, status, and errors for diagnostics, while checking for device failure. In the event of camera failure, freeze or lag, the switch automatically reboots the camera. The result is increased operational efficiency and significantly reduced effort required by maintenance staff.
To ensure maximum uptime for data and power transfer in harsh conditions, the EDS-P506E-4PoE supports millisecond-level failover redundancy, along with dual power inputs, and -40° to 75°C (-40° to 167°F) wide operating temperature range to ensure constant and robust connections. The switches incorporate embedded cybersecurity protection based on the IEC 62443 standard to protect the network from unauthorized device access.


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Savann Guthrie / Petersburg Pilot
Viking Swim Club sent four girls to the Junior Olympics in Anchorage at the end of April. VSC was one of 24 clubs competing in this state wide event. The girls each had to have their own qualifying times and competed in 21 events total, making the finals in three events. In back from left to right Alyssa Guthrie and Abby Worhatch. Front left to right Brynn Lister and Allie Morgan.
The borough assembly received a proposed update to its zoning code that would introduce a new form of affordable housing, an expansion of the historical and industrial districts and the end of a requirement for businesses to include parking downtown.
The borough assembly held a work session to discuss a plan to impose restrictions on the senior tax exemption. A possible annual fee to sales tax exemption card holders was agreed upon ranging between $50 and $60.
Police Chief Kelly Swihart and his wife Melinda, the deputy borough clerk, announced their retirement at the end of the chie...
2020 was an average year for rain


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Retail›
The most beautiful Apple stores in the United States
Dave SmithApr 3, 2019, 20:14 IST
To understand Apple's global retail footprint, it helps to see it for yourself.
We've compiled a list of the most beautiful Apple stores in the United States.
Apple has more than 500 stores around the world, with 271 of those stores in the United States alone.
It's hard to believe the company was started out of a garage in California just over 40 years ago.
Apple's physical retail stores have only been around since 2001, but in many ways they've come to represent Apple's own products: beautiful, and meticulously crafted around the customer. While you'll find many Apple stores inside malls, some of the most beautiful stores are architectural marvels themselves.
Apple has hundreds of stores in the United States, so we thought it would be fun to highlight its most beautiful US stores - particularly since Apple does such a good job at adapting its retail presence to the local environment.
Take a look at the most beautiful Apple stores in the United States.
View As: One Page Slides
First, some fun facts about Apple's US stores.
The state with the most Apple stores is California, which has 53 different locations. New York comes next with 22 stores, followed by Texas with 18 stores.
There are no Apple stores in Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont, West Virginia, Wyoming.
Nebraska, Washington D.C., Delaware, Alaska, Idaho, Arkansas, Iowa, Kansas, Maine, New Mexico only have one Apple store.
Apple has a store called South Park, but it's not in Colorado. It's in North Carolina.
Now, onto the stores!
Apple Scottsdale Fashion Square
Located in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Apple Corte Madera
Located in Corte Madera, California.
Apple Park Visitor Center
Located in Cupertino, California.
Apple Irvine Spectrum Center
Located in Irvine, California.
Apple Palo Alto
Located in Palo Alto, California.
Apple Stanford
Apple Pasadena
Located in Pasadena, California.
Located in San Francisco, California.
Apple Higuera Street
Located in San Luis Obispo, California.
Apple State Street
Located in Santa Barbara, California.
Apple Third Street Promenade
Located in Santa Monica, California.
Apple Broadway Plaza
Located in Walnut Creek, California.
Apple Aspen Grove
Located in Littleton, Colorado.
Located in Greenwich, Connecticut.
Located in New Haven, Connecticut.
Apple Georgetown
Located in Washington, D.C.
Apple Lincoln Road
Located in Miami Beach, Florida.
Apple Avalon
Located in Alpharetta, Georgia.
Apple Royal Hawaiian
Located in Honolulu, Hawaii.
Apple Lincoln Park
Located in Chicago, Illinois.
Apple Michigan Avenue
Apple The Fashion Mall at Keystone
Located in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Apple Boylston Street
Located in Boston, Massachusetts.
Apple Legacy Place
Located in Dedham, Massachusetts.
Apple Market Street
Located in Lynnfield, Massachusetts.
Apple Country Club Plaza
Located in Kansas City, Missouri.
Apple Summit Sierra
Located in Reno, Nevada.
Apple Downtown Brooklyn
Located in Brooklyn, New York.
Apple Williamsburg
Apple Fifth Avenue (closed for renovation)
Located in New York, New York.
Apple Grand Central
Apple SoHo
Apple The Greene
Located in Beavercreek, Ohio.
Apple Pioneer Place (closed for renovation)
Located in Portland, Oregon.
Apple Lehigh Valley
Located in Whitehall, Pennsylvania.
Apple Domain Northside
Located in Austin, Texas.
Apple Highland Village
Located in Houston, Texas.
Apple Southlake Town Square
Located in Southlake, Texas.
Apple Station Park
Located in Farmington, Utah.
Apple Clarendon
Located in Arlington, Virginia.
Apple Alderwood
Located in Lynwood, Washington.
Apple University Village
Located in Seattle, Washington.
Apple Hilldale
Located in Madison, Wisconsin.
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1The most beautiful Apple stores in the United States
2Costco is selling more cars than ever before by offering one key perk
3Millennials' favorite brands include tech companies like Netflix, Google, and Amazon - see the top 20
45 sneaky ways Starbucks gets you to spend more money
5The $40 billion supermarket dynasty behind Trader Joe's is feuding after the founder's wife moved to cut her grandchildren out of the business for their lavish spending


Quality on most tracks is _at least_ 8/10.
A silver CD that I came along searching the Polish version of eBay, called Allegro. The one thing that caught my eye was the recording from 28 September 1979, since I haven't seen it anywhere else ever, so I just had to buy it. I'm glad I did, because it seems like it's a new source and, generally, a new recording.


Dutch and German (Rhineland): from a shortened form of the personal name Balthasar (see Baltazar).
Where is the Baltes family from?
You can see how Baltes families moved over time by selecting different census years. The Baltes family name was found in the USA, the UK, Canada, and Scotland between 1841 and 1920. The most Baltes families were found in the USA in 1920. In 1891 there were 22 Baltes families living in London. This was about 44% of all the recorded Baltes's in the UK. London had the highest population of Baltes families in 1891.
Use census records and voter lists to see where families with the Baltes surname lived. Within census records, you can often find information like name of household members, ages, birthplaces, residences, and occupations.
What did your Baltes ancestors do for a living?
In 1880, a less common occupation for the Baltes family was Carpenter. Farmer, Keeping House and Artificial Stone Factory were the top 3 reported jobs worked by Baltes. The most common Baltes occupation in the USA was Farmer. 24% of Baltes's were Farmers.
Census records can tell you a lot of little known facts about your Baltes ancestors, such as occupation. Occupation can tell you about your ancestor's social and economic status.
What Baltes family records will you find?
There are 3,000 census records available for the last name Baltes. Like a window into their day-to-day life, Baltes census records can tell you where and how your ancestors worked, their level of education, veteran status, and more.
There are 642 immigration records available for the last name Baltes. Passenger lists are your ticket to knowing when your ancestors arrived in the UK, and how they made the journey - from the ship name to ports of arrival and departure.
There are 1,000 military records available for the last name Baltes. For the veterans among your Baltes ancestors, military collections provide insights into where and when they served, and even physical descriptions.
You've only scratched the surface of Baltes family history.
What is the average Baltes lifespan?
Between 1955 and 2004, in the United States, Baltes life expectancy was at its lowest point in 1955, and highest in 1981. The average life expectancy for Baltes in 1955 was 54, and 72 in 2004.
An unusually short lifespan might indicate that your Baltes ancestors lived in harsh conditions. A short lifespan might also indicate health problems that were once prevalent in your family. The SSDI is a searchable database of more than 70 million names. You can find birthdates, death dates, addresses and more.