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What Hurricane Michael did to the torreya tree
The storm had some unintended — and devastating — consequences for a small but mighty endangered tree.
"There is unrest in the forest; there is trouble with the trees ..." —"The Trees," Neil Peart, Rush, 1978
Last year, I rescued a waffle plant from certain death. A collection of withered purple leaves stared up at me from rock-hard soil. Chalk it up to perimenopause, my handling stress in peculiar ways, a vein of a special kind of crazy running through my family, but I started to cry right there in the Walmart garden center. Even when the discount for "mostly dead plant" was only 10 percent, I still needed it.
"I couldn't leave it there; no one else would buy it and it would just get thrown away," I explained through sheepish tears to my husband, who has comforted me when a bird ate Dixie, our resident crab spider, and had learned that every insect in our Gulfport home gets a chance at a humane rescue and relocation.
"Did it press its nose against the window and wag its tail?" he asked.
I have a soft spot for underdog plants and animals. I've written before about my 17-year love affair with an Australian pine on the 7-Mile Bridge and how Fred — that's his name, Fred — fared after Hurricane Irma. (Spoiler alert: He made it.)
Not every tree gets so lucky.
In my book Backroads of Paradise, I wrote about the torreya (rhymes with Gloria), a diminutive conifer listed as one of the most endangered on the planet. Half of the remaining torreya tree population exists within the confines of Torreya State Park north of Bristol. I wrote that the tree lived "one wildfire away from extinction." I believed wildfire posed the largest threat to the tree's existence. So did the park manager and conservationists.
Then Hurricane Michael happened.
The endangered torreya tree at the Gregory House at Torreya State Park north of Bristol. [ CATHY SALUSTRI | Special to the Times ]
At the onset, Michael looked like most tropical disturbances do in the late summer days the rest of the country calls autumn. Floridians know the drill, whether it comes from the local forecaster or an alert from the National Hurricane Center.
And Michael started just like that, but he wasn't the same. He had sucked in what remained of Tropical Storm Kirk, with a center that formed and fell apart, formed and fell apart, then finally held. He bullied ahead, gaining steam and sucking in air and water until on Oct. 10 Michael came ashore at Tyndall Air Force Base roughly 70 miles southwest of Torreya State Park. He unleashed all that air and water on Mexico Beach first, drowning three people and pummeling the town's 1,700 buildings, damaging all but 100 and destroying more than 800 before taking his wrath inland.
RELATED: Hurricane coverage from the Tampa Bay Times
Hurricanes should weaken as they move over land. Michael didn't weaken enough. He was the Biff Tannen of hurricanes; instead of punching Florida once, he kept hitting. Meteorologists clocked the tormentor's winds at 161 miles per hour; by the time he made it to Torreya — closer to Georgia than Mexico Beach — they had barely slowed. No one inland expected the brunt of Michael's wrath; six months after his torture, homes near Torreya still have blue tarps.
"Heavy, 155 mile per hour winds that far inland?" said Torreya State Park's manager Jason Vickery. "Unheard of."
Michael stomped through the park, toppling the tallest trees. The Gregory House, an 1850s house Roosevelt's "Tree Army" moved across Apalachicola and hoisted up the ravine to its current location surveying the river, resisted Michael's brutality.
Many of the torreya trees could not.
Torreya taxiflora — also called the Florida Nutmeg, stinking cedar or gopherwood — stands, on a good day, 10 feet tall. It's endemic to Liberty, Jackson and Gadsden counties in Florida and Decatur in Georgia. It grows mostly on the steep slopes of ravines of the Apalachicola River ecosystem.
B.E. (Before EuroAmericans), the torreya numbered 650,000. Shortly after the earliest settlers near Rock Bluff discovered the tiny, cheerful conifer in the 1830s, locals started cutting them down for fence posts, shingles and Christmas trees. By the mid-20th century, the minikin showed signs of failing.
The first harbinger? Blight caused by fungus. Scientists tried to treat it, but trees kept dying. In all, 12 different fungi assault the torreya, and in 2010, scientists discovered a new, deadly one: Fusarium torreyae, a strange canker-type fungi. Coupled with climate change, development and the construction of Lake Seminole as a result of the Woodruff Dam, the lilliputian tree battled the odds daily, pushing back against a world that didn't seem to want it.
When the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service declared Torreya taxiflora endangered in 1984, a scholarly article in Bartonia detailed the remaining trees: 20 by the Gregory House, two in Columbus, Ga., a dozen at Tallahassee's Maclay Gardens. The writers estimated perhaps 100 wild torreyas remained.
And so conservationists created a plan to save the species. And as you might expect, it gave lots of consideration to wildfire.
It made no provisions for hurricane-force winds.
Unlike other pines, torreyas aren't fire-dependent. They are, however, canopy-dependent. Those big trees that tower over them? Necessary for the smaller tree's survival. This is no Rush song; in this forest, the trees work together.
Michael broke that relationship. The blustery brute didn't rip out torreya; he took a far more devious path. He pushed over larger trees and they killed the torreya, crushing the scraggly trees that, a shadow of their pre-mid-century selves, had nevertheless survived.
In the early part of this millennium, you would have heard the phrase "global warming" used to explain the species' decline. That's when a new group, the Torreya Guardians, started assisted migration, moving seedlings north. Trees planted in cooler climates do better. Instead of twigs with a few needles, these northern trees flourish, their full branches making it understandable why 19th century Floridians envisioned them as Christmas trees.
The endangered torreya tree at Torreya State Park north of Bristol. [ CATHY SALUSTRI | Special to the Times ]
But assisted migration comes with no small amount of controversy. No one knows what torreyas will do in a new environment. Will they be the next kudzu? The conifer counterpart to the melaleuca? And most importantly, trees in cooler climes still contract Fusarium torreyae. The fungus could spread to other imperiled trees.
It's almost a moot argument and a heart-shattering reality of climate change. Yes, the warming temperatures in the North Florida ravines stunt the growth of Torreya taxiflora, but at least it grows well out of reach of any perceived sea level rise, right? Even Michael didn't dump floodwaters on the stunted pine trees.
Michael did much worse.
"Their whole habitat has changed," Vickery said. "Eighty to 90 percent of the canopy is on the ground." After the storm passed and rangers could make their way back to the park, they surveyed 288 trees. Eighteen percent of the trees that existed pre-Michael are dead or missing. Thirty-five trees died as a direct result of Hurricane Michael; 75 were directly impacted. "It was a catastrophic, unprecedented event," Vickery said. "It was not foreseeable."
And that's the rub: Torreya taxiflora was already listed as "critically endangered" before Michael. Rangers have propped up some not-quite-dead trees as best they can, hoping they'll survive. But even if they do? There's no canopy to protect them; it's deadfall, and with so much of it on the ground, wildfire is an issue. The remaining trees could vanish in an instant, stamped out like the flame at the end of a match.
The trees survived EuroAmericans, but barely. Now, life as they know it has changed once again.
Leigh Brooks helped found Torreya Keepers, a nonprofit that works with landowners to preserve the torreya's genetic lines. She believes more torreyas may exist than we believe, but also said that estimates about how much time they have left are optimistic.
Torreya Keepers would like to find torreyas on private property.
"If a landowner thinks they might have torreyas, we'll go out and document them," Brooks said. Finding torreyas outside the park could make or break the species. Everyone wants to find a "buxom" tree, one with full branches and a thick trunk.
"For every one we find, we feel like champions. That's potential genetics to add to the gene bank for the tree," she said.
If the Keepers can get cuttings, they'll send them to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, where Emily Coffey, vice president of conservation and research, and her team want to grow healthy torreyas and see them flourish in the wild. Coffey's team roots the cuttings the Keepers send. They have 542 cuttings total and each helps preserve genetic diversity.
A sign explaining the rare torreya tree at the Gregory House at Torreya State Park north of Bristol. [ CATHY SALUSTRI | Special to the Times ]
The plan, said Torreya State Park biologist Mark Ludlow, is to safeguard the tree from extinction. The hope is to one day reintroduce that nursery stock back onto the slope forest of the ravine. The hope, too, is that the tree can reproduce on its own — something it isn't doing now.
Thanks to Fusarium torreyae, few trees reproduce on their own. Coffey said of the trees remaining in the wild, perhaps 15 produce cones. And these cones can make new trees, but not enough to sustain the population, making the tree functionally, reproductively extinct.
"They don't get to reproductive size," Ludlow said. The trees used to have trunks 12 to 15 inches in diameter, but today's torreyas have trunks no bigger than a broomstick. That's because the only trees growing are resprouting root stock.
Ludlow has never seen a torreya with a 12-inch trunk.
"They're like California condors — an intensive care patient," he said.
"Even the bigger ones," Brooks said. "When we go back, they don't look vigorous."
A 22-foot-tall torreya did survive the storm, but that height isn't the norm anymore.
"We get excited even to see a tree that's 5 or 6 feet tall, but bushy," Brooks says. "If the needles look good we get excited, even if it's a runt."
On Oct. 9, Torreya State Park had an estimated 420 trees. On Oct. 11, it had no more than 385, although Coffey suspects the real number falls closer to 370. Michael's cruelty struck at the end of a 200-year struggle. Some estimate the torreya will go extinct in the wild by 2069; Brooks disagrees. She believes the tree that has charmed more than one biologist has less than a decade left on Earth.
Why is saving the tree important?
"Individual species matter," Coffey said. "Biodiversity allows us to be resilient, adaptive and resourceful."
Maybe we're watching a dinosaur in its final days. After all, that Fusarium torreyae isn't a nonnative fungus; it's brand new. And it's not like the long-leaf pine's decimation, which impacted gopher tortoise and red-cockaded woodpeckers. If torreya trees disappeared tomorrow, as far as we know, it wouldn't adversely affect other creatures.
Therein lies the rub: As far as we know. Once, the tree played a vital role in the Apalachicola River Basin, but no one knows how the tree supported — and may still help — the ecosystem.
Maybe the torreya has no place in this world, or maybe it does and we just don't know what that purpose is yet. As Coffey said, "once you lose a species, you cannot go backwards."
I glanced over at the waffle plant, new leaves stretching toward the eastern sun. It was trapped in a pot; it will never propagate. No animals needed this plant, no forests depended on it. It made no difference to anything else on the planet.
But it made a difference to me.
Cathy Salustri is the author of "Backroads of Paradise: A Journey to Rediscover Old Florida." She lives in Gulfport. Contact her at cathysalustri@icloud.com. Follow @CathySalustri.
Up next:Weather scientist dies in rough surf after forecast of risk

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Dolores O'Riordan, the lead singer of the Irish band The Cranberries died suddenly on January 15, 2018, at the age of 46 in London. No cause was given for her death, and her family is both shocked and devastated. She leaves behind three children.
It's not good for women to go through the procedure and have something living sucked out of your bodies. It belittles women — even though some women say, 'Oh, I don't mind to have one.' Every time a woman has an abortion, it just crushes her self-esteem, smaller and smaller and smaller.
O'Riordan's observations about abortion are in line with studies that show post-abortive women suffer from a form of PTSD called post-abortion syndrome. Research has found that depression, anxiety, drug use, and the risk of suicide all increase in post-abortive women.
Pro-abortion feminists believe that abortion is empowering; however, Dolores O'Riordan's comment that abortion "belittles women" is on the mark. Legal abortion tells women that they aren't capable of raising or loving their own child because of their current status in life. In reality, women are smart enough and strong enough to live alongside their children and still pursue dreams in a variety of ways — as O'Riordan herself proved. Women do not need abortion in order to lead successful lives.
While O'Riordan was never a pro-life activist, it is clear she understood the humanity of preborn children and the negative psychological effects of abortion on women.
Editor's Note: If you have undergone an abortion and are experiencing regret, grief or anger, this post-abortive resource may help you. If you have begun a medication abortion or have taken the abortion pill, you may be able to reverse the abortion. You can contact AbortionPillReversal.com or call the 24-hour, nurse-staffed hotline at 1-877-558-0333.


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Barbara Yaffe: Retiring Vancouver city planner blasts 'the haters'
Barbara Yaffe, Vancouver Sun 11.05.2015
Brian Jackson has been the chief planner for the City 0f Vancouver for more than three years. He is retiring this week.
Francis Georgian/Vancouver Sun / Vancouver Sun
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Barbara Yaffe: Vancouver's business success comes despite city policies
Vancouverites take their city personally, and do not like change. Which has made Brian Jackson's job something of a tightrope act.
Jackson, who is retiring today after 3-1/2 years as Vancouver's chief planner, says people here are different from residents of other U.S. and Canadian cities where he has worked — Los Angeles; Clark County, Nevada; Toronto; Richmond.
"There are so many people here who are passionately interested in following everything that is happening around planning. They are well-educated about planning issues and it's an important part of their lives."
In a recent interview reflecting on his job stint, Jackson said this has been both a curse and a blessing.
People love the city — exactly as is. But it's tough to have no change in a city poised to receive 5,000 new residents a year over the next 30 years.
"My staff, when they go to public meetings, have been spit at. They've been called names. They've been told they're in the pockets of developers."
Several weeks ago, Jackson delivered a speech to the Urban Development Institute blasting the "haters and hypocrites" who have criticized him and his department.
In his office near the City Hall building, a utilitarian space offering a peekaboo view of the North Shore mountains, Jackson told me the level of discourse around civic issues has plummeted in recent years.
He blames social media for amplifying controversies.
Jackson believes the next city planner — still unchosen — may have to fight fire with fire and start doing battle with the naysayers online.
Jackson also questions the ethics of former planners who issue catcalls from the sidelines long after they have left the city's employ. He won't name names, but says: "There is an extraordinary interest from former planners in Vancouver, in continuing to comment on what's going on in the city. It does not happen in any other city I'm familiar with. It crosses the line."
Jackson says the level of scrutiny he has received is "unprecedented," and points to two development issues that caused particular grief: the community plan for Grandview-Woodland, and proposals for a new tower adjacent to the downtown railway station on Cordova.
Jackson suspects public negativity around planning matters is the result of residents growing exasperated with a lack of housing affordability, disruptive demolitions and changes to leafy single-family neighbourhoods.
Affordability, he says, has worsened because of another circumstance unique to Vancouver — the city has not seen a significant price correction since 1985.
When he moved back to Vancouver from L.A. in 2006, he rented, waiting for prices to drop. "I waited and waited and waited. Prices never dropped."
In 2008, Jackson plunged in, paying nearly $700,000 for the two-bedroom condo in Yaletown where he now lives.
He foresees no change in ever-upward pricing pressures on housing unless Ottawa shifts immigration policy or applies land purchase restrictions on foreigner buyers or the Bank of Canada hikes interest rates.
Jackson's greatest concern as he takes his leave is for the people "being left behind".
To that end, he believes more rental housing is needed in the city. He notes the planning department has prezoned parts of Norquay and Marpole for townhouse development.
The city also is expanding its "tenant relocation packages," programs aimed at assisting those evicted from their rental units.
But the city, alone, cannot afford to create the affordable social housing needed in a city like Vancouver, he says. The public needs to let federal and provincial politicians know that all government levels must pitch in to address what is a unique situation in Vancouver, whereby those with modest incomes are left scrambling for housing.
Challenges aside, says Jackson, Vancouverites should not lose sight of the fact that "planners come from around the world to study what we've done in Vancouver. ... And they can't believe what we've been able to deliver.
"There's no place on earth like Vancouver."
byaffe@vancouversun.com


Maybe it's the Scotsman in me, but when the yearly cold-snap hits Edinburgh in late November, it always cheers me up. It's the time of year when the weather changes from being mushy and wet into being cold and dry. Scarves and hats are no longer a choice to make, they're simply required. So even the weekly trips up to Dundee become pleasant trips out in the brisk cold. Mind you, in weather like this, the office heating becomes a must. Thankfully, the Microsoft office, in all it's newness, has great heating.
Unfortunately, the heating in our office is less than stellar at the moment. Our part of the office is fine, but the people we share an office with (Alban Books), have little to no heat at all. They're all huddled around electric heaters, and still cold for it. Worse still, the thermostat for the entire office is out in the hall, which is poorly insulated from the outside. So the thermostat is convinced that the entire office needs heating up, so our part of the office gets baked, and Alban and the hall remain frigid. And if I'm up at Ruffian, their heating is all screwy as well – with people wandering around with hats and gloves and scarves on all the time. But sadly I keep forgetting my hobo gloves, which are in the office with Tim! So Waverley Gate is the only place with a reasonable temperature at the moment.
So to brighten up the blog, here's a picture of the lovely rooftop garden at Waverley Gate. I don't spend much time out on it, due to the aforementioned cold, but I do like to look out onto it while I'm making coffee or reheating last night's leftovers for lunch.
This entry was posted	on Saturday, December 5th, 2009 at 5:28 pm	and is filed under Tales from the grind-stone. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.


Donate Baked Goods for the First Friday Fun Day!
First Friday Funday is approaching. Please donate some tasty treats to the bake sale and send your kids with some cash to purchase after school. Donations can be left in the teachers' lounge.


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Whole grain mix. Made with organic flour. Whole Grain: 40 g or more per serving. Eat 48 g or more of whole grains daily. WholeGrainsCouncil.org. An employee-owned company. To your good health. - Bob Moore. Friend of the heart. You can see our quality! Brighten your day with the sweet aroma of fluffy, piping hot buttermilk pancakes and waffles. Our Buttermilk Pancake & Waffle Mix is full of wholesome goodness and irresistible flavor because we use only the finest ingredients stone-ground whole grain wheat flour, real buttermilk, aluminum-free leavening and pure raw sugar. Wholesome. Diets rich in whole grain foods and other plant foods low in total fat, saturated fat and cholesterol, may reduce the risk of heart disease and certain cancers. Our product line is diverse and extensive. For information and recipes, visit our website at www.bobsredmill.com. Dear Friends, We would like to share with you the importance of including whole grain foods in your diet. A whole grain includes all three parts of the grain kernel: the bran, endosperm and germ. Whole grains have long been over-generalized as just a good source of dietary fiber, but they also contain important vitamins, minerals, and hundreds of unique phytochemicals. Recent scientific research has discovered that the benefits of eating whole grains come from the synergistic effects of the fiber, vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals not just the individual components. They all work together to offer health benefits that are greater than the sum of the parts. Exactly how they work together is uncertain, but studies show that diets rich in whole grain foods and other plant foods and low in total fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol may reduce the risk of heart disease and some cancers. So for your good health, start eating at least three servings of whole grain foods every day. My Bob's Red Mill Buttermilk Pancake & Waffle Mix is a delicious way to include them in your diet. It carries my highest endorsement. To your good health, - Bob Moore. Certified organic by QAI. Product of USA.


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Best Batmobile other than the Barris car.
Thread: Best Batmobile other than the Barris car.
I love the flow.... It has a little of the shape of the Batman Beyond Batmobile. It kind of looks like it might have cloaking technology doesn't it?
I like the Batman Beyond Batmobile. It flies, it hovers, it cloaks, you can't break in and hack it if you can't find it.


Seems like I heard a year or so ago that the Feds were restricting camping on the upper Kenai to designated sites. Does anyone know if there is any truth to that? I don't want to run afoul of the law by unrolling my sleeping bag in the wrong place.
Hunt Ethically. Respect the Environment.
Here's a link to the DNR page on KRSMA. It states "developed campsites" but I have no idea what they mean by that. Probably best to give them a call.
The more you talk, the more I wish I was deaf.
Not seeing anything regarding prohibited camping. I have contacted the state and feds without any clear answer. The one person that is supposed to know with the feds was not in when I called. I'm surprised (or not) that there is only one person capable of answering my question.
Here's a link to the PDF with the map and sites. Only 10 designated campsites.
I saw that one, but it doesn't cover the lake.
It covers the lake in that in the box insert it states that camping is only restricted to those areas from river mile 73 to it's confluence with Skilak, i.e. you can camp wherever you want on Skilak; provided it's not private land of course.
You can camp anywhere on the lake but that does not mean you should! Tough to find areas where its safe to leave a boat, always avoid a beach with big logs is my rule. I avoid the lower shallow end of the lake. Choose your camping spots carefully.
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When New Mexican police reporter Geoff Grammer told me he'd heard about a bill that would have made threatening judges a felony had been introduced but had died in the Legislature, my first reaction was skepticism.
Geoff, of course, was working on the story of the Chimayo man arrested on charges -- misdemeanor charges -- of threatening the life of state Dsitrict Judge Michael Vigil. (His story in today's paper is HERE.)
This is the kind of apple-pie bill the Legislature usually loves, I told him. When lawmakers can't agree on anything else, both sides of the aisle usually are happy to slap heavier penalties on people found guilty of despicable crimes.
But what I learned was there were not one, but two bills introduced in the 2009 Legislature by lawmakers from opposite ends of the political spectrum, Sen. Peter Wirth, D-Santa Fe and Rep. Bill Rehm, R-Albuquerque.
They weren't mirror bills. Rehm's had tougher penalties. But both were introduced early in the session, and, according to committee votes, both had bi-partisan support.
Rehm managed to get his bill through the House, but it went nowhere. Wirth's bill made it through the Senate Public Affairs Committee, where it passed unanimously. But it was tabled in the Senate Judiciary Committee. Committee votes aren't recorded for tabling actions, but Wirth told me the vote was close. Perhaps a one-vote margin, he said.
Why was this defeated? Rehm said some opponents said such a law would be used infrequently. Wirth said some of the opponents of his measure were worried about tougher laws leading to more prison overcrowding. These two objections would seem to contradict each other. Someone in the Senate apparently just doesn't like this idea.
Both lawmakers say they will try again next year. And state Supreme Court Justice Ed Chavez, who testified for the bill, says he and other justices are behind the idea of making threats to judges a felony.
One might think that the Judge Vigil incident would shame the Senate into taking action next year. But the 2009 bills were sparked by a situation with another judge, Nan Nash, of Albuquerque, who had been threatened by a party in a divorce case she was presiding over. Senate Judiciary turned down Wirth's bill in spite of Nash testifying for it.
My story about the Wirth and Rehm bills can be found HERE.
Labels: crime, Legislature, rehm, wirth


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Global Fan Event presented by Tsubur…
Global Fan Event presented by Tsuburaya Productions "TSUBURAYA CONVENTION 2019" To Be Held in Winter 2019! ~Announcements of "New challenges" & a thanksgiving event for all fans once every 2 years!"~
Nov.28, 2018
Tsuburaya Productions Co., Ltd. (Head office: Shibuya, Tokyo. President and CEO: Takayuki Tsukagoshi) will hold "TSUBURAYA CONVENTION 2019" in winter 2019.
"To spark viewers' imaginations, provide hope for the future, and cultivate kindness in young viewers' hearts."
The above quote from Eiji Tsuburaya, the founder of Tsuburaya Productions, is the roots of Tsuburaya Productions and our continuous goal for the future.
This large-scale global fan event "TSUBURAYA CONVENTION" shall be held for the first time in winter 2019 to show our appreciations to all our fans across the universe who have supported us until now! We shall be sharing the front line of Tsuburaya Productions where surprises and excitement are imagined and created, and we shall also be revisiting the classic works seeking for new discovery by investigating the works from unique and diverse angles.
"TSUBURAYA CONVENTION" will be a place where our fans will be able to both appreciate the past and the present, and to encounter the "New Challenges" of Tsuburaya Productions in the future.
Fresh additional information will be announced and updated as we come closer to the event. Please stay tuned for the beginning of this global fan event presented by Tsuburaya Productions.
[About Tsuburaya Eiji]
July 7, 1901 – January 25, 1970 (aged 68)
Japanese Tokusatsu (Special Effect) director, film director, camera operator, innovator, the first president of Tsuburaya Tokugi Productions (Now: Tsuburaya Productions). Born in Sugakawa-shi Fukushima prefecture.
Release Date, PV, Main Visual, Main …
ULTRAMAN R/B The Movie ~ Select! The…


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Ready Mixed Concrete Production Statistics Updated Though April 2018
The estimated ready mixed concrete produced in April 2018 is 30.2 million cubic yards, 9% higher than that in April 2017. The estimated production in the U.S. for 2018 through April is 100 million cubic yards, 2.6% higher than that during the same period in 2017.
Ready mixed concrete production is estimated from cement shipments reported by the U.S. Geological Survey. More detail is available for NRMCA members here.


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Q: Trying to get the Values from a Slider and choice box and turn them into integers to calculate Tip_percentslider = new Slider();
   Tip_percentslider.setMin(0);
   Tip_percentslider.setMax(25);
   Tip_percentslider.setValue(15);
   Tip_percentslider.setShowTickLabels(true);
   Tip_percentslider.setShowTickMarks(false);
   Tip_percentslider.setSnapToTicks (true);
   Tip_percentslider.setMajorTickUnit(5);
   Tip_percentslider.setMinorTickCount(4);
   Tip_percentslider.setBlockIncrement(1);
   Tip_percentslider.valueProperty().addListener(
    (observable, oldvalue, newvalue) ->
    {
      Tip_percentsliderlabel.setText(String.format("Tip Percent: %2d%s",newvalue.intValue(),"%"));
    } );

This is the slider I created.
Split_Box = new ChoiceBox(FXCollections.observableArrayList(
"1 Way", "2 Ways", "3 Ways", "4 Ways", "5 Ways") );
   Split_Box.setMaxWidth(Double.MAX_VALUE);
   Split_Box.setValue ("1 Way");

This is the choice box i created.
I need to turn them both to Integers and be able to calculate them to print into text fields.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


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Hopefully Juan Connects the Dots
Great Twitter Hash Tag
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Wait 'til Sharmuta sees this . . .
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Start spreadin' the news . . .
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Tim Phillips Rocks!
GOP sells out! NRCC gives '6-figure' donation to R...
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Her Daily Beastliness
Technorati Re-grade
Life without consequences
Some jobs The Boss does best
Gift ideas offered without comment
C'mon, Trog
WH Communication Director Anita Dunn admires histo...
Meghan McCain and her f***ing sh*t
Quite possibly the funniest AOSHQ thread since the...
Meghan McCain's boob shot
URGENT: Tea Party Conservative Doug Hoffman surges...
Czar d'Oz Episode II: Wreckage
Best. Blog. Headline. Evah?
How fat is Meghan McCain?
Well, cuz, there's a reason they're called 'TwitPi...
A short lesson in why TV news sucks
Conservative Hoffman vs. RINO Scozzafava: 'We have...
When the going gets weird, the weirdos show up at ...
How long before Charles Johnson denounces the East...
Czar d'Oz Episode I: Incoming
French Vogue: White model in blackface
L.A. Times art critic beyond parody
Michelle Obama's Victimhood Card . . . Or, Who's A...
The BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Heard 'Round the World!
Caption Funny
If there's anything I hate more than January Jones...
'Evil is too weak a word'
Kevin Binversie is not nearly so shameless a blogw...
Why is Troglopundit everbody's scapegoat for Wisco...
Meghan McCain: Military genius!
Finally! Somebody invites me to a major gathering ...
Kevin Johnson: Future neocon?
Cassandra: 'Angry'? Moi?
Announcement: Czar d'Oz
The Rule 5 Bride
Shocking! Bank of America disses American hero and...
Fear and Loathing at Lake Tahoe
ACORN transvestite vote fraud?
In all probability, E.J. Dionne is the most useles...
Godspeed to the Tea Party Express
Quin Hillyer vs. Mark Salter
The Sour Grapes of Wrath
Why bother wasting hate on Obama?
Harry the Loser
It was just a fireworks demo
Twittering with 'Gen. J.C. Christian': Thank God f...
It finally arrived
White House pimp-slaps gay-rights movement? That's...
Thank you, Paleo Pat
Roll, Tide, Roll!
Andrew Sullivan is still capable of intelligent, l...
'Pistols at dawn, suh!'
If Davenport's analysis holds true, the US effort ...
Rule 5 Sunday
by Smitty
Little Miss Attila links Juan Williams with Dr. Hutcherson and Tammy Bruce becoming aware of the bigger evil pattern represented in the NFL attack on Rush Limbaugh.
The will to deny the fascism remains strong, however.
Remember, Juan: It's a cookbook!
Posted by smitty1e at 11:25 PM 7 comments Links to this post
Labels: Little Miss Attilla
For actual Christians, it's arguably blasphemous.
For Obama voters, it's certainly blasphemous.
It's the #LiberalBible, and it's delicious.
Labels: Twitter
Sarah Palin could make a huge difference in the NY23 special election, and everybody knows it. I hinted at this earlier today -- "Lipstick, baby!" -- and as I like to remind my readers from time to time, there are no accidents.
Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman is in the fight of his life against the GOP establishment's hand-picked RINO, in a crucial election that Hoffman's media coordinator Rob Ryan says is "a referendum on the future of the Republican Party."
One point to make clear: No official in the Hoffman campaign has said a word to me about Sarah Palin. But some of Hoffman's supporters are heartbroken that Sarah -- whom I dubbed the "Sweetheart of the Heartland" last year -- hasn't joined the fight against Dede Scozzafava, whom Michelle Malkin has described as "ACORN-Friendly, Big Labor-Backing, Tax-and-Spend Radical in GOP Clothing." Allow me to address myself directly to Mrs. Palin:
Doug Hoffman is your kind of candidate, his supporters are your supporters, and the people at the RNC and the NRCC who are siding with Scozzafava . . . well, ask around, ma'am. Your enemies are Doug Hoffman's enemies.
A smart reporter doesn't burn his sources, so I'll exercise some professional discipline here, and let my friend Josh Painter at Texas for Palin speak:
In New York's 23rd District, for example, Sarah can set herself apart from Newt Gingrich by giving her support to Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman, as have Fred Thompson and Mike Huckabee. Gingrich, rather inexplicably, has joined the RNC and NRCC in endorsing liberal Republican Dede Scozzafava. . . . It is in individual contests like these where Sarah Palin can go against the GOP establishment and still keep those friends she has and needs inside the Beltway.
Sorry, Josh, I'll disagree here: Forget about everybody "inside the Beltway," Mrs. Palin, and think about the people in NY23 -- decent, honest people who are working their hearts out and praying as hard as they can. The battlefield is there, the battle is underway, and every minute counts. (I'll also dare to disagree with my friend Dan Riehl, but it's merely a disagreement. Nobody smart ever picks a fight with Dan.)
Big money is flooding into NY23, and Doug Hoffman needs every penny he can get. Trust me when I say that there are people working overtime for Hoffman who haven't gotten paid yet and don't know when or if they'll get paid. (Mitt Romney won't give Hoffman a dime, so scratch Mitt from your 2012 list.)
Money isn't everything in politics, however. It wouldn't cost Palin a penny to support Hoffman. All she has to do is issue a 200-word press statement -- or record a 30-second video and put it on YouTube -- and she could make all the difference in the world in NY23.
We are 17 days from Nov. 3. Every minute counts, and let me quote one more source:
"You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on Earth, or we will sentence them to take the last step into a thousand years of darkness."
-- Ronald Reagan, Oct. 27, 1964
This is a time for choosing, Mrs. Palin. A battle rages in upstate New York. Doug Hoffman needs help. And people are praying.
UPDATE: Welcome, Instapundit readers! Prayers are answered. No blogger could be more grateful than I. But sometimes, when it's been weeks without a 'Lanche, I start worrying . . .
Posted by Robert Stacy McCain at 8:50 PM 35 comments Links to this post
Labels: conservatives, Dan Riehl, Doug Hoffman, Michelle Malkin, New York, Republicans, RINOs, Sarah Palin
No Sheeples Here is touting the Monday launch of the 9/12 Mom's Network. "Please consider joining a movement sparked by a sisterhood of patriot moms." No guidance is offered for those left un-configured for motherhood by nature, however.
Carol brings a clip entitled "America is Me", which is a fine piece of music. Enjoy it. And then, if you need a bit of a picker-upper, try out the increasingly ironic Right Brothers:
Posted by smitty1e at 8:28 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: No Sheeples Here
Just noticed that I'm included on Steve Sailer's Notorious Blogroll O' Hate, along with crypto-fascist Mickey Kaus, ultra-paleo Daniel Larison, neo-Canadian Kathy Shaidle and pseudo-hypocrite Jeremy Lott.
Thanks, Steve. Owe you one, my Flemish comrade.
UPDATE: Warning! Major Coffee-Spew Hazard! Do Not Click The Image Below Unless You Are Prepared For Serious BWAAAHAHAHAHA!
Labels: Charles Johnson, humor, The Flemish Menace
Conservative Doug Hoffman slams Scozzafava in guest-blog at Malkin
The Conservative Party candidate in NY-23 whacks that RINO right between her beady little eyes:
I don't think conservatives will be fooled. The more they learn about Dede Scozzafava, the worse she does in the polls. And the more they learn about my campaign, the better we do.
We can win this thing, but we're up against limited time and an awful RNC and NRCC decision to support a liberal candidate.
Well, if the Republican Party wants to declare war against conservatives, I'm going to fight on the side of conservatives.
If you want to join my fight, I need you. We need money and we need volunteers – boots on the ground. If you can help, go to my website and sign up. Then show up.
It's time for conservatives to show the Republican establishment who's in charge.
Not just "yes," sir, but "Hell, yes!"
Trust me: Very Important People might make this The Mother Of All Showdowns with the RINO sellouts in the GOP Establishment. Lipstick, baby.
Full background on this crucial campaign at The American Spectator. I'm planning to travel to upstate New York in the coming week to cover the final push toward the Nov. 3 election. But before you hit my tip jar, be sure you hit Doug Hoffman's tip jar first.
Labels: Doug Hoffman, Michelle Malkin, New York, Not One Red Cent, NRCC, RINOs, RNC
Paraphrasing the Ancient Commenter Solomon on the sordid and tragic nature of the Technorati situation:
Vanity of vanities, saith the Blogger, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
What profit hath a poster of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?
One post passeth away, and another post cometh: but the markup abideth for ever.
The browser also ariseth, and the browser goeth down, particularly when a Microsoft product, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
The URL goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the URL returneth again according to his circuits.
All the links run into the Shineytubes; yet the Shinytubes are not full; unto the place from whence the links come, thither they return again.
All FMJRAs are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the reader is not satisfied with seeing, nor the commenter filled with hearing.
So, we've lost some of our technical muscle for the FMJRA: I'll have to drag my lazy self off the porch and research alternatives.
The NY-23 Special Election:
Fishersville Mike points to the Watertown Daily Times, in addition to linking us graciously.
In Mala Fide is tracking the story.
Rightofcourse: "Republicans to re-found the party...in the same place they left it."
Bob Belvedere has a related "RINO the Sailor Girl" riff on Olympia Snowe, which is not as good as Popeye the Sailor Man, but, hey: budget cuts.
Jumping in pools has a couple links on this topic.
Wait Five Minutes, and Megan McCain will Offer Ammunition:
Political Byline picks up on a good Megan riff.
Little Miss Attila opines:
I regret to say that Stacy M's boobs do not strike me as the least bit impressive. But he's a nice guy anyway.
Carol's Closet offers the cleavage in question a question mark.
American Power has a fine 'rack' pun.
Pat in Shreveport notes Stacy's boobie-bomb.
In Mala Fide notes that Megan makes turgid traffic for blogosphere members.
Stogie makes what I think is a Bob Seger reference, sittin' way up high on his horse, or something.
Left Coast Rebel noted the cleavage in a roundup.
The Classic Liberal didn't do his usual Rule 5 treatment of Megan. I should note that Rule 5 Sunday has never depended upon Techorotten, and Megan McCain pics will be excluded from consideration. We're keeping Megan links in FMJRA where we can focus on her bodacious...intellect and vast tracts of...insight.
Piece of Work in Progress had some pink funbags that might not be real on display.
Rightofcourse piled on.
Another Black Conservative is spot on:
Quite frankly, I say Meghan knew exactly what she was doing. She is a first class attention whore who has not been in the news for a long time. So it was lights, camera, action and cheesecake! Personally I hope she continues tweeting cheesecake photos, she is far better suited for that then giving advice on how to remake the Republican party.
Bob Belvedere got his dig in on the dugs.
Honesty in Motion offers a triptych on the...can't think of a word that rhymes.
Michelle Action Figures:
WyBlog picked up the 'void in South Carolina' bit.
PETA Your Poultry:
Fishersville Mike brought in the Colonel himself for comment.
Administration Project: Bus Shield Over Entire Country
To paraphrase Steven Wright: The Obama Administration has a bus-model of the US that is actual size. 1 mile = 1 mile. Once we're all safely under the bus, utopia sets in.
A Conservative Lesbian notes Stacy covered the story of the National Equity March "without gloating or rancor".
Wasting Hate on POTUS
Left Coast Rebel appreciated the Pharaoh quip.
On the Flogging of Mark Potok:
Stogie liked the AmSpec article.
Ed Driscoll hat tipped it in "Hey, That Water Won't Carry Itself".
Stacy Agrees with Andrew Sullivan:
Rhetorican noted this singular occurance.
Other FMJRA outings:
Adriennes Catholic Corner
Honesty in Motion more than once.
Rush to Judgement:
Honesty in Motion: Rush Limbaugh is not the King of all White People.
Rightofcourse examines the sociological side of LGF, noted that Rush was guilty of things other people said, a football coach who is collateral damage.
Miscellaneous Shouts:
Troglopundit adds to the Sarahmotivator cannon.
LISNews sent an interesting post on creating or saving jobs in Ohio. It doesn't link us, but we're know for being easy.
The Camp of the Saints liked the E. J. Dionne thrashing, and graciously touts Czar d'Oz.
This was not too bad, but not up to our traditional 100+ link-o-rama standard. Please add your goodness onto the pile via email to Smitty. And support Stacy's efforts to bring reality back to journalism.
Update: Carol at No Sheeples was kind enough to hat tip us when it was time for Anita to be Done.
The Daley Gator was after Anita, too, but also Cousin Megan.
Update II: Kn@ppster gave us some linky-love:
He picks a nit with Stacy's defense of Malkin's writings on WWII internment. My feedback to His Knappage is that Monday Morning quarterbacks abound.
He also points to thee ways to score hits: crowd, anti-crowd, and boobies.
His critique of the NY-23 race is quite thoughtful. I take the "shag the GOP" stance, but Knapp says that, from a libertarian perspective, it's not so clear. From a Federalist perspective, anything but the GOP/Democratic neo-aristocracy is an improvement.
Update II:VodkaPundit gave Stacy slot #8 on The Week in Blogs for his AmSpec work. I await my lifetime achievement mention at the end of Czar d'Oz.
Labels: FMJRA Award, Rule 1, Rule 2, Rule 3, Rule 4, Rule 5
. . . no, I'm not leaving today, but it most definitely is up to you, upstate New York:
"We've just been deluged with stuff," said Rob Ryan, media coordinator for Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman, whose congressional campaign in upstate New York's 23rd District has "surged" in recent days. . . .
In the past week, the three-way contest in the Nov. 3 special election has suddenly become America's most-watched campaign this fall, generating massive attention from reporters and commentators nationwide. The Wall Street Journal, The Hill, Fox News, the Weekly Standard and scores of political blogs are following this campaign as a bellwether that could have major impact on the electoral landscape heading into the 2010 congressional mid-terms.
"This election is going to be a referendum on two things," Ryan said in a telephone interview Friday evening. "First, it's going to be a referendum on the first 10 months of the Obama administration. And second, it's going to be a referendum on the future of the Republican Party."
Read the whole 1,200-word thing, and look for more blog coverage at Memeorandum.
Early this morning I had a phone conversation with the mysterious Aleister of American Glob, who not only speaks fluent Belgian, but also is very excited about my plans to travel to upstate New York this coming week and apply some old-fashioned shoe-leather to campaign coverage of the NY23 showdown.
This is clearly the kind of story where being on the scene counts, and Aleister wants to meet me somewhere around Albany, bring his video camera, and do some serious reporting. So, after you've hit the tip jar for $50 or $100 at the Hoffman campaign site, please try to find an extra $5, $10 or $20 for the Shoe Leather Fund.
Labels: conservatives, Doug Hoffman, election, New York
Crypto-fascist ultra-extremist Rupert Murdoch fired Marc Lamont Hill and, as Charles Johnson warned you, the wingnut crazies are totally OK with that:
Good riddance I say. Hill was nothing more than a straight up Obama shill. No matter what Obama did, this guy would spin it as favorable. Obama could tank the entire economy [a real possibility] and Hill would say something stupid like it needed a good crashing.
Yeah, that Clifton B. is such a white suprema . . .
Uh, wait minute. According to LGF research director Kejda, "Clifton" is a popular name among certain Euronationalist paleo-ultrafascist fringe elements and pseudo/neo-extremists like Pamela Geller. Also, Sharmuta says there may be reason to believe that the "B" in "Clifton B." stands for Belgium. IYKWIMAITYD.
THE FLEMISH MENACE!
(Via Flemeorandum.)
Labels: Charles Johnson, Fox News, racism, The Flemish Menace
Action-movie fans will remember that line spoken by Jesse Ventura's character in Predator, and it characterizes my attitude right now regarding the political situation in general and Doug Hoffman's NY-23 special election campaign specifically.
My friend Eric Dondero of Libertarian Republican has pointed out that, in 2006, my friend Erick Erickson of Red State (like many other conservatives) refused to support Libertarian candidate Bob Smither in Texas.
Like the NY-23 race, that 2006 Texas congressional election was a unique situation -- long story, no time to explain now -- and many people misunderstood it. My good buddy Stephen Gordon was on the Libertarian Party national HQ staff at the time, and he was in that Houston suburban district up to his eyeballs.
Gordo made it clear to me that the GOP's idea of running a hand-picked write-in candidate (lonnngg story) was a guaranteed loser, a harebrained scheme that would surely fail. If conservatives wanted to stop a Democrat from winning that seat, their only viable option was to support the LP candidate, Smither, who was a solid citizen, not any kind of radical wacko, and much preferable to the Democrat Nick Lampson.
However, unless you knew the specific on-the-ground details (which Gordo spent hours explaining to me in phone calls from Texas), any conservative Republican might reasonably think that Tom DeLay and the local GOP bosses knew what they were doing.
But they didn't, and Lampson stomped the crap out of DeLay's handpicked successor (who had a hard-to-spell hyphenated last name, a big reason why the idea of her as a write-in candidate was so ROTFLMAO ridiculous). The Democratic pick-up could have been avoided, if any influential conservative at the national level would have listened to Gordo. Three years ago, I was even less inlfuential than I am now, and no other conservatives of greater influence were listening to Gordo and so . . "For want of a nail," as they say.
Erick Erickson was not alone in making the mistake he made. So I have no problem with Erickson for not having backed Smither. A mistake is not necessarily a sin, and Erickson's willingness now to back the Conservative Party candidate Hoffman in NY-23 might indicate that he's learned from the mistake he and others made three years ago.
Whether there might be future occasions when similar calculations of principled pragmatism lead Erickson to back an LP candidate, who knows? We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Whatever happens in the future, or whatever happened in the past, it is absolutely vital in this time of crisis that all friends of liberty focus laser-like on doing now the things that must be done now. I can't fix what went wrong in 2006 and, if there is still any bad blood between my friends Dondero and Erickson, I don't have time to negotiate an armistice.
Right now there is a battle being waged in upstate New York that may, to some important extent, determine the future of this nation. Meanwhile, in Washington, a tooth-and-nail struggle rages over the ObamaCare abomination. There is too much important work to be done now for anyone who is a genuine friend of liberty to be engaged in intramural score-settling.
There are now 17 days until Nov. 3. Let us lay aside everything incidental and focus all our efforts on doing what must be done now, or our common cause is surely doomed.
Like that squad of commandos in the jungle, faced with a deadly and relentless foe, we are in a fight for survival. And I ain't got time to bleed.
UPDATE: Rhymes With Right, a Texas GOP activist, puts a more detailed account of the 2006 Sekula-Gibbs fiasco in the comments. He makes mention of a meeting where the GOP "leadership" declared that it would be "out of order" to make a floor motion in favor of LP candidate Bob Smither who was already on the ballot. My man Gordo was on the phone telling me all about this, live from the scene, when that dirty little deal went down.
This is how the "Establishment Insider" crowd operates, see? Just like the House GOP "leadership" forced Jeb Hensarling to walk the plank for Scozzafava, the GOP "leadership" in Texas forced the local parties to walk-the-plank for Sekula-Gibbs. And this is just what Cornyn and the NRSC want to do by shoving Crist down the throats of Florida Republicans.
This kind of crass manipulation of the GOP mechanism by the insiders is absolutely deadly, in terms of destroying grassroots enthusiasm, and that's what Not One Red Cent is about: Fighting back against this kind of corrupt, crooked, backroom "kingmaker" crap.
As for the inside-libertarian-baseball criticisms from my friends Mr. Knapp and Mr. Dondero, it is beyond the scope of my influence to convince Erick Erickson or anyone else of what course of action they should take. Nobody in the GOP has ever solicited my advice, and on those rare occasion I've played armchair strategist by volunteering my advice, they always ignore me and do the opposite.
So none of this is my fault. If you're looking for a scapegoat, Blame Erik Telford. (I always do.)
Labels: Eric Dondero, Erick Erickson, Erik Telford, Libertarian, Republican
Tim Phillips of Americans for Prosperity needs to prep everyone who goes on Rachel Maddow's circusshow. This clip is 8.5 minutes of pure chewing satisfaction. He gently, graciously parries every cheap rhetorical trick employed and says "Back at ya, lady" with a twinkle in his eye.
Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in Rachel's dressing room after that segment.
Update: Tim Phillips' response.
Posted by smitty1e at 8:39 PM 13 comments Links to this post
GOP sells out! NRCC gives '6-figure' donation to RINO Scozzafava?
SEND ME TO NEW YORK!
Conservative Party congressional candidate Doug Hoffman is surging in the NY-23 special election -- the Nov. 3 vote is now only 18 days away -- so guess what the worthless national GOP "leadership" has done?
The Republican National Committee also confirmed Friday that it was making a six-figure transfer to the National Republican Campaign Committee to help [wretched RINO Dede Scozzafava] in that race.
The NRCC has already spent nearly half a million dollars on advertising and other independent expenditures. And with the Scozzafava campaign on television only sparingly -- reportedly because of slow fundraising -- it has become the main source of advertising for the Republicans at this point.
The RNC is also giving $85,000 to the state party, the maximum allowed for a coordinated campaign, and has two staffers on the ground in the district.
Noting that Newt Gingrich (!) is also backing the liberal Scozzafava, Michelle Malkin comments:
If you have given to the NRCC, RNC, or Newt Gingrich under the impression that they are using the money to support conservatism, you might want to ask for your money back.
Last night I was on the phone with a source who got me hooked up with the Hoffman campaign. Red State has a fund-raiser to help the Hoffman campaign maintain their momentum. If you care about saving the Reagan legacy from the clueless idiots of the GOP Establishment, the Doug Hoffman campaign is Priority One until Nov. 4.
Once you've done what you can for Hoffman, however, if any readers want to send a New Media journalist with Old School skills to put some shoe leather on this important story, hit the freaking tip jar now!
UPDATE 2:30 p.m.: Just got off the phone with a Republican source in upstate New York who informed me that Jeri Thompson -- whose husband Fred has endorsed Hoffman -- was booked today on the Neal Cavuto show. However, Jeri got bumped because of "Balloon Boy" coverage. I am not making this up.
The three-way NY23 battle is now at the top of Memeorandum, BTW. Thanks to all who have hit the tip jar so far. Every $5 or $10 helps; don't know what the total trip budget will be yet. I'm talking to GOP sources about my plans and will have more soon.
UPDATE 3:05 p.m.: All right! Looks like the Great RINO Hunt is on! Bill Kristol casts his lot with the Tea Party people backing Hoffman:
A new poll in the November 3 special election for the congressional seat, NY-23, vacated by Army Secretary John McHugh, confirms what knowledgeable observers have suspected for a while: The candidacy of the official Republican nominee, liberal Dede Scozzafava, selected by local party officials and supported by the national Republican establishment, is collapsing. . . .
(Had that yesterday, Bill. Thanks for noticing.)
Today, the Wall Street Journal has a story on the race with the headline Tea-Party Activists Complicate Republican Comeback Strategy. The truth is the opposite: The GOP establishment complicates the Republican and conservative comeback strategy.
Better late than never, I guess, and I'm sure the Hoffman campaign is grateful for the support. BTW, if you can follow Hoffman on Twitter and Facebook, and if you live near Plattsville, N.Y., they'll be opening a new local campaign headquarters there tonight.
Tea Party people unite! You have nothing to lose but those clueless idiots in the GOP establishment!
UPDATE: Start spreadin' the news . . .
Labels: Doug Hoffman, Not One Red Cent
Start with the Czar d'Oz Announcement
Synopsis: In the year 2112, the characters retreated to a basement shelter to weather a monster tornado. Making an early trip to the local seat of government, they uncovered information pertaining to an experimental time machine located in Seattle.
"He could..."
[Murdoch's office. Murdoch is fat, balding, opulently dressed, and seated facing stage right. Peter Lyon is at mid-stage, with Martin, Julius and Zeda at stage right, standing at ease, facing the desk, too.]
Murdoch: Let me see if I understand this clearly. You four are taking my prize Terrain Obstacle Transformation Observer, whose experimental power plant can make two trips across the US between fuelings, and driving to the capital at the New Chicago Vortex in Michigan to petition President Barack Soros Obama for aid?
Peter: We had thought that the Car Czar might be a better place to start. Might the POTUS be aiming too high?
Murdoch: No, the last year's models were worse than the usual roller-dreck, and the Car Czar is out of favor. Word is that some other Eternals covet his job.
You also realize that makes the Governor of Kansas and the Flyover Czar both look like prize chumps for not fixing Kansas after this killer tornado, don't you? The death toll is at 187 and climbing.
Peter: Of course it does. However, it's not too late to get you on the ballot for Governor this November. And don't you think it's high time that the House of Sebelius was…restructured?
Murdoch: That's a good point. But the way the system works, we'll have to offer some kind of sweetener to Obama to encourage the desired behavior.
Peter: Barack Soros doesn't have any monuments in the area. Proposing something flattering might work.
Murdoch: But where?
Peter: The Sebelius Estate along the Kansas River might offer some possibilities, particularly if the investigation raised doubts about how the land had been acquired, and further ambiguities were raised about spending on tornado preparadness under the Sebelius tenure.
Murdoch: I do like the way you think, Lyons. Clearly you're looking for a Chief of Staff position, or so?
Peter: Well, now, one focuses on the task at hand, which is getting Kansas back in order, and lets the details fall as they may, doesn't one?
"...be luring.."
[In Murdoch's fortress garage. An SUV-sized vehicle with a tandem rear axel and a tear-drop shape emerges. The rear is slightly higher than the front, for that mean look. The vehicle rolls on from stage right and stops at the center, while Martin, Zeda, Julius and Peter await stage left. A sliver-haired man with a dash of black at the bangs gets out.]
Martin: Ah, the legendary TOTO. She was designed by an old buddy of mine from the Army.
Leno: You knew Shelby Carroll?
Martin: Yeah, we had some…fun…you could say, during that whole Zambiniland fiasco. That was a…time. American people used to be dead-set against foreigners commanding our troops. There was a reason. [Martin glances at his prosthetics, flexes a hand, triggering mechanical groans].
Leno: Well, if you know that much, you know that this custom rig doesn't get too far without daddy knowing about it. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more. [He does kneel and point at a location under the frame.]
Martin: Got it. Thanks.
[The four pile in.]
"…us in."
[A cutout of TOTO without the top and left side dominates the center stage. An elevated flat screen positioned at stage rear serves to move the scenery by. It shows a still scene of Kansas fields, with the words RIGHT VIEW at the bottom. The characters walk around and get into TOTO from the back. Martin is driving, and he carries a puck-like object. Zeda rides shotgun, with Julius and Martin in back.]
Zeda: Well, you already raised their suspicions by going Northeast on US-4, instead of East on I-70 to Kansas City. When do we make our break?
Martin: Oh, now is as good a time as the present. [Makes turning motions to left. The screen still says RIGHT VIEW, and pans.]
Zeda: 247th Road going West? OK, well, Murdoch can only have us ventilated once. Julius, you look back and right, and Peter, you look back and left. We're not safe until we're not in Kansas anymore.
[The stage lights dim to indicate some passage of time, then come back up. The scenery moves past at a good clip on the screen at the back of the stage.]
Martin: [Receiving some comms over his headpiece, nods] Understood. We'll be seeing you in a couple of minutes. Bye.
Julius: I see them coming up behind us!
Zeda: OK, we just passed Haskell Road.
(full size)
Martin: Right. Here's what's happening. Some old friends of mine have an ambush set on the lake at Leisurely Drive. Hold on. [The engine roars, and the scenery blurs and rolls by behind them.] What've we got?
Peter: There are two air cars, one smaller than the other, behind us.
Martin: Stand by. We're going to see what some of these ground-effect controls can do. [The background scenery slows and lurches as the car tilts to its right, away from the audience. Muffled jet turbine whine and tire squeals. The screen says RIGHT VIEW, and pans to the right, showing the two air cars in pursuit, but they quickly fall off the screen.]
I doubt anyone's ever taken a right turn from 274 onto Greely Road at 100 clicks, but this ride can do it.
Peter: [Agitated] They're gaining! They're gaining! Look at them bank on that turn!
Martin: [Muttering into his headset] Almost there. You should be seeing the dust cloud coming up from the South. Zeda, you look green. It might be easier to just close your eyes.
Zeda: Get bent.
Martin: Like this?
[He violently turns the car to the right, and the jets and tires wine and squeal louder still. The background scenery remains on RIGHT VIEW and again shows the two air cars, much closer, before the forward motion of TOTO causes them to fall off the right side of the screen. The image stabilizes for a moment on a lake, and then returns to land and is wildly shaken and distorted by a huge explosion behind TOTO. He jerks the wheel again to the right, to make the turn down Leisurely Drive, and the view on the screen pans to show a huge fireball where a bridge used to be, making a small mushroom cloud. The second alloy air car comes to a fish-tailing stop, then changes direction to go back to Greely Road. Martin stomps on the accelerator, and the view pans left as he straightens, then shows houses screaming past. He gets to the other end of Leisurely Drive and takes another hard right onto Greely Road. The screen now changest to FORWARD VIEW at the bottom, and the alloy air car is limping toward them, shuddering and shimmying, an increasingly big blotch on the screen.]
Martin: Some game of chicken this is. He's either had a fan casualty, his batteries are drained, or he's too big of a coward to go at it like the old days.
Peter: He could be luring us in.
Martin: Fair point.
[The air car moves right on the screen, as Martin veers left, out into the flat wheat field. TOTO goes 4-wheel drive automatically. They go North past the air car, loop around to the South, and come up on the right quarter of the limping air car, now at the left edge of the screen, still set to FORWARD VIEW.]
Martin: They got nothin'.
[Martin stops TOTO, rolls down the window, and picks up the tracker device from the floor. It has one stage of epoxy smeared all over it. On cue, Zeda reaches over with another tube, squirts a black paste on, and stirs it. Martin heaves the sticky tracker at the air car, throwing it off stage left. The FORWARD VIEW screen shows the puck stuck to the quarter panel of the air car. Martin rolls up the window, guns it, and they exit, turning right on 278th Road.]
Julius: So, you just arranged with the locals you know to ambush the authorities? If we weren't committed before, we're committed now.
Martin: Yeah, this is a community of folks that served together in Zambiniland. Still remember the Old Constitution, too. It would be great to stop and thank them. But they kinda understand what's goin' on. Murdoch's too busy with the tornado cleanup to spare more pursuers. Let's get the fizrock out of here.
Next episode: Porch
Copyright 2009, Christopher L. Smith
Labels: Czar_d'Oz
No such thing as bad publicity, they say in show business, and certainly Little Miss Overprivileged shows a flair for exploitating her horrid notoriety:
On Wednesday, I posted a hastily taken self-portrait on Twitter—which I thought was funny and silly—and within a few hours I had caused a minor media scandal. . . .
So why all this Sturm und Drang?
Could it be it's because I have breasts? . . .
Yada, yada, yada. "Everybody feel sorry for me! I'm a woman and I'm a victim!"
Being the first conservative blogger to comment in depth on my idiot cousin's self-inflicted controversy, allow me to reiterate the obvious: It was not Meghan's possession of large breasts, nor her display thereof, which has been the object of criticism. Rather, it was her childish online tantrum -- "getting the f**k off Twitter," she whined -- in reaction to online rudeness that enhanced her laughingstock status. As I wrote at The American Spectator:
Ironically, her egoistic episode began when Miss Meghan posted a photo of herself holding a book about Andy Warhol, the pop artist whose best-known aphorism was, "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." Meghan's 15 minutes have long since expired and if she is stupid enough to follow through on last night's impulsive threat to quit Twittering -- 50,000 subscribers is an enviable readership for online promotion -- the world will have another laugh at her expense.
She personifies the phony victimhood of the Oprah Age, where the affluent and comfortable seek fame by boo-hooing about the trivial misfortunes of their spectacularly easy lives. Let's hear from Jenn Q. Public:
No one is forcing Meghan McCain to endure the trials and tribulations of fame. . . .There's no invisible rider on the First Amendment that promises to protect the thin-skinned from vile and demeaning criticism.
Meghan's Twitter feed is full of "motherf**king sh*t," as is her otherwise empty skull. That one hears ugly rumors about her from Young Republican types -- well, "sources say" many things, none of them flattering, but perhaps they have malicious motives.
Certainly, it would be libelous if someone were to state as a fact that Meghan is a pushover after four margaritas (and that she never stops at three). Yet my attorney assures me that for purely humorous purposes, there would be nothing actionable were anyone were to react to Ms. McCain's column title, "Don't Call Me a Slut," by quoting Elizabethan literature.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
-- Hamlet, Act III, Scene 2
One blogger described me as having made "vicious and mean attacks." Heh. I'm just making jokes. Or rather, Meghan McCain is a joke, and I'm just pointing it out.
And remember: NO FAT JOKES!
Labels: celebrities, humor, Meghan McCain, Rule 5, sex
"Son, it'll feel better when it quits hurting."
--Dad
It appears that Hopium, Changeeba and the Shovel Ready Project have reached Technorati. This blog's tireless efforts to popularize and enhance their prestige in the blogosphere have been met with a chorus of crickets at Technorati HQ. Their vastly different and seemingly incomplete feature set is going to set back our efforts at composing an FMJRA for tomorrow. Also, in the East, rose the sun.
There will be an FMJRA tomorrow, or my name is not Throckmorton Q. Bugglethwiddy. However, its quality is dependent on a little more audience precipitation than usual. Rain your URLs on me at Smitty for inclusion, bitte.
UPDATE (RSM): Indeed, the "new, improved" Technorati doth suck. As with Windows "upgrades," it appears that Technorati has adopted the philosophy, "If it's not broke, fix it until it breaks."
Posted by smitty1e at 9:11 AM 3 comments Links to this post
Labels: Rule 2, Technorati
"The real difference between the Rich and Others is not just that 'they have more money' . . . The truly rich are born free . . . they will never feel hungry, and their credit will never be questioned. . . .
"Why do the finest flowers of the American Dream so often turn up in asylums, divorce courts, and other gray hallways of the living doomed? What is it about being born free and rich beyond worry that makes people crazy?"
-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Bad Craziness in Palm Beach," from Songs of the Doomed
There is something about unearned privilege that is deeply corrupting. Most people who are condemned by liberals as "rich" are innocent of such vices. These are people with high annual incomes which they have earned by honest labor or, once they've achieved career success, from wisely investing their earlier earnings.
These "rich" were not born rich, and whatever privileges they have, they've earned. And, if they are wise, they'll take care to teach their children not to take for granted the advantages that the child derives from the parent's success. These advantages ought to be blessings, but many times they are not, simply because the child is overindulged or never properly chastised, and thus takes for granted fortune's smile.
Well, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, and it is a fact that some of the third- and fourth-generation descendants of 19th -century "robber barons" -- scions of famous families, born to comfort and privilege -- died bankrupt, unloved and alone.
Old money can corrupt, and new money can, too. Remember the IPO hot shots of the "dot-com" boom? Or recall those stories about lottery winners who wasted vast winnings and ended up broke again? What about those professional athletes -- first-round draft picks and All-Pro stars -- who reached their 40s without retaining a cent of their once-fabulous earnings?
One of my favorite songs of the '60s is Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone," about a young upper-class woman who finds herself cast down among the lowlifes she once held in contempt:
You dressed so fine
You threw the bums a dime
In your prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware doll,
You're bound to fall"
You thought they were all kiddin' you
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was hangin' out
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next meal.
Really, what could be sadder than the spectacle of advantages wasted on ingrates who don't appreciate what they've been given until they've squandered it all and have nothing left? Such people are much worse off than someone born poor who, by sweating and scrimping, manages to claw themselves just a couple of rungs up the ladder.
These kinds of tragedies happen all the time, and in the strangest ways. And it is sometimes hard to resist the temptation of schadenfreude when you hear about someone who was once a pompously self-important snob being sentenced to federal prison. But our glee at such spectacular downfalls ought not blind us to the tragic wastefulness of these human disasters.
In every tragedy like that, there was a moment -- somewhere along the way -- when someone might have done or said something to prevent the disaster. But they ignored the problem or felt it was none of their business, and so the inevitable downfall ensued.
"I can't stand when adults demand the 'right' to act a certain way and then want to be shielded from the normal consequences of their actions. . . .
"People never cease to astonish me and Ms. McCain is no exception.
"I guess I'm just tired of people thumbing their noses at the rules and then citing those same rules as evidence they've been ill treated. Two wrongs don't make a right but it's generally unconvincing when you try to hold others to a standard you long since openly rejected."
-- Cassandra at Villainous Company, Oct. 15
Labels: Hunter S. Thompson, Meghan McCain
"No mention . . .
"No mention . . ."
Right. And no mention of a lot of other things that I'd like to mention, but won't or can't, because only liberals are allowed to discuss stuff like that. Liberals endlessly boast about their own tolerance and enlightenment, taking turns giving each other awards, while denouncing the rest of humanity as hateful and benighted.
Liberals never have to worry about anyone questioning their sincerity and bona fides, because if you publicly question the good faith of liberals . . .
Well, don't forget: There are 5 A's in raaaaacism.
Labels: Michelle Malkin, racism
I don't know what to make of this, or how to react to the inevitable TV usages:
Here's our favorite Wisconsin amphibian fretting about "giving up football".
How about college football? High school? Consider, if you will, people who "play" a sport, as opposed to "professing" it.
The NFL, like Congress, is mostly a pack of sell-outs who've lost their way, and deserve to be ignored. Which I've more or less done with the NFL since around the Reagan administration.
The big difference is that the NFL, while a sad caricature of its former glory, limits the scope of its damage mostly to itself. It is hard to imagine Harry Reid, as head coach of the Senate, or Nancy Pelosi in the House, as a bigger disaster.
Labels: TrogloPundit
WH Communication Director Anita Dunn admires history's greatest mass murderer
Wow! Mao! Let a thousand YouTubes bloom, because Glenn Beck flows from the barrel of a gun:
Michelle Malkin, Hot Air, and Ace of Spades HQ have more. Meanwhile, America's most important young Republican strategist was asked to comment on this shocking revelation:
"Forget Beck! Look at my f**king t*ts!"
-- Meghan McCain
See Memeorandum for more complete coverage.
Labels: Glenn Beck, video
Because the lying, biased, liberal MSM is shamelessly trying to steal the Meghan McCain boobs Google-bomb from me, I've been forced to fight back. No MSM punk will beat me on Meghan McCain cleavage or Meghan McCain breast, either. That's just how I roll.
However, lest someone mistakenly think that there is any disrespect involved here -- please, NO FAT JOKES! -- you need to be reminded that this is actually a tribute to Meghan's preferred mode of discourse on Twitter:
My adrenalin is still pumping and I think I left nail marks in Ramins arm!!! What the f*ck paranormal experience?!?
— McCainBlogette #4774678638
Babs is my fav character on entourage, I like her all black suits, super blonde hair and take no sh*t attitude - hey wait... :-
insomnia is such a motherf*cker, 3:45 whose not sleeping? yeah me...where my fellow Lestats at? shout out to those that dont sleep!!!!!
Love guys who appreciate when I say mother f*cker even if sometimes I have a bow in my hair when saying it
my life exactly the way I want to. Just because my family is in politics doesn't mean I have to act like it! that s*it is so boring...
tweet my mom @cindyhm1 and ask her to tell you about the crazy person who sh*t talked me to her! talkin smack about a daughter 2 a mother
And, finally, just to remind you:
chill people, I don't give a f*ck about @michellemalkin
When Little Miss Overprivileged Victim started whining because of mean comments, throwing a Twitter fit and saying she was "getting the f**k off Twitter," I doubt she expected her own nasty f**king sh*t to come flying back in her face. But as they say down home, "Payback is a motherf**ker, b*tch."
(Hat-tip: Jim Treacher, whose blog is cleverly called Jim Treacher's Blog That Is On The Internet.)
Some overdue Rule 2 action on this:
Little Miss Attila, who would never say motherf**king sh*t about Meghan McCain.
Bob Belvedere's Camp of the Saints, with more sweet t*t-shots than you can imagine.
Moonbattery is gonna love this f**king sh*t.
Monique Stuart: Meghan McCain: Fat slut, just fat, or just a slut? I report; you decide. (Multiple choice!)
Meghan McCain nude? Hey, it's not called Honesty In Motion for nothing, you know.
Ruby Slippers reveals that Meghan McCain didn't stop Twittering.
Secret peephole video of Meghan McCain nude? Professor Douglas, have you no shame?
Link up, bloggers, and we'll link back. And if you feel the urge to hit the tip jar, don't fight the feeling, b*tches.
UPDATE: Great. I began the smackdown nearly 24 hours ago, but did Memeorandum link me? Oh, no. ABC News and the Christian Science Monitor -- yeah, that's the real blogosphere, man. I feel so . . . excuse me, I get these Glenn Beck moments sometimes . . .
No, don't worry about me. I'll be all right. As long as I have Villainous Company linking me, I'll be fine.
UPDATE II: CNN shows my blog with Pamela Anderson ad (2:15), madcap hijinks ensue:
This is my Navin Johnson moment: "The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!" New blog slogan: "As misrepresented on CNN!"
BTW, there was a discussion on Twitter, in which I had to clarify that I never called Meghan a "slut" for showing her boobs. It was her whiny reaction to the criticism that was the target of my commentary.
And, just for the record: I am pro-boobies -- not matter what Charles Johnson says. (Lies! All lies!)
Labels: Meghan McCain, Rule 4, Rule 5, Twitter
Quite possibly the funniest AOSHQ thread since the 'Paul Anka Integrity Kick'
What were the very worst songs of the 1970s? Well, Laura W. started with "Sometimes When We Touch" -- a serious contender -- and it descended from there into coffee-spewing hilarity..
How far did it go? Three words: The Banana Splits.
Labels: Ace of Spades, humor
OK, now the slimy liberal MSM is trying to beat me to the Google bomb, but when it's time to fight for traffic on Megan McCain's breasts, nobody beats the Rule 5 king.
UPDATE 2:53 p.m.: The MSM's digusting attempt to cash in on Megan McCain's rack caught me by surprise today. I should have expected such a move after I got cited in The Week this morning. Let the record show that my Megan McCain boob post went up at 10:25 p.m. ET last night, long before the MSM even noticed Megan McCain cleavage. I beat those CNN losers, and they can't stand it.
Meanwhile, sleazy blog commenters are spreading the rumor that Ron Paul laughs at Meagan McCain fat jokes . . .
UPDATE 5:12 p.m.: Still only No. 2 in the Google-bomb war. Somebody hit the "Digg" button down there. We will fight them on the Google! We shall fight them on the Digg! We shall fight for every Meghan McCain boob reader. We shall never surrender!
UPDATE 7:20 p.m.: Meghan McCain gets a taste of her own f**king sh*t.
Labels: celebrities, humor, Meghan McCain, MSM, Rule 5
URGENT: Tea Party Conservative Doug Hoffman surges in latest NY23 poll
New poll numbers in the Nov. 3 special election:
Bill Owens (Democrat) . . . . . . . . . . 33%
Dede Scozzafava (RINO) . . . . . . . . 29%
Doug Hoffman (Conservative) . . . . 23%
This is a huge gain for Hoffman. The MSM are headlining the lead for Owens, but the more important point is Hoffman's momentum. He's gained 7 points in two weeks, while Scozzafava's lost 6. It shows how Scozzafava's support in this key three-way upstate New York congressional race has collapsed because of Hoffman's exposure of the RINO candidate's liberal voting record. The Hill reports:
Hoffman has surged in Oneida and Oswego, at the western end of the district. Hoffman takes 34 percent of the vote in one of the district's most populous areas, narrowly edging Owens by three points. Scozzafava, whose television advertising campaign has been far weaker than either Owens or Hoffman, trails with just 21 percent in those counties.
Press release from the Hoffman campaign:
"It's clear Dede Scozzafava is way too liberal for the 23rd CD. That's why she's dropping in the polls. Voters are seeing that the conservative Republican candidate, Doug Hoffman, will work to cut spending, cut taxes, and shrink the deficit and that's why he is surging in the poll. This poll was completed on Tuesday, just as our media buy was being ramped up. As more voters get to know Doug Hoffman, more voters will support Doug Hoffman. This is a race between two liberals and a conservative. Doug Hoffman is the conservative and that's why he will win."
As I reported yesterday, Hoffman says he has Scozzafava "on the run," and Red State is trying to raise more money to help push Hoffman over the top.
Hoffman is endorsed by the Club for Growth, the Susan B. Anthony List and other conservative groups. Perhaps more importantly, Hoffman's got the endorsement of the 9/12 Project, which gives him the conservative grassroots Tea Party volunteers to run a strong ground campaign, but he's got to have more campaign cash to keep running his hard-hitting TV campaign.
(Cross-posted at AmSpecBlog.)
UPDATE: Laughable MSM assertion that Republicans are "bitterly divided" over NY23 race:
The House GOP conference is bitterly divided over a centrist New York Republican's run for the House seat vacated by Army Secretary John McHugh. . . .
Just 17 members — about 10 percent of the GOP conference — have written checks to Scozzafava's campaign.
That's not "bitterly divided," that's a 90% rejection of Scozzafava, who isn't a "centrist," but an outright liberal, whose voting record is somewhere in the Olympia Snowe and Arlen Specter range.
Via Memeorandum. More from Erick Erickson at Red State.
Labels: Congress, conservatives, Doug Hoffman, election, New York, polls, Tea Party
Synopsis: In the year 2112, the characters retreated to a basement shelter to weather a monster tornado.
"...and it explains..."
[A dark stage. Martin's limbs randomly spasm, causing a loud metallic clamor. Zeda turns on a dim light, and the characters begin to stir. Zeda lights the room dimly.]
Zeda: It's time to be up anyway. We're going to need to be early to the Temple of Cyrus to see if the Vortex has any bailouts for us. The line will be long.
Martin: Sorry about the racket. I really need some better parts. Hey, whaddaya know? It sounds like the storm's gone.
Julius: They say that the real thing to do is stay put and wait for the authorities. There will be a lot of downed power lines and weakened structures. Perhaps I should stay here and pore over volume four of The Wit and Wisdom of Patrick Daley Obama.
Peter: [looking at a dead handheld, shaking his head, pocketing the device] Wow, the network is down. Julius, Zeda is right: we've got to get moving to the Temple now, with the sun rising enough to see. You're right about the dangers, but there is precious little to go around. If we're not early, we're simply naught. Martin, do you have any wea-wea-weap-pons? We-we don't want any violence at all, of course, no violence. But the appearance of the ability to deliver violence, without making any explicit threats (of course) is often helpful in negotiations.
Zeda: Well, Julius? Peter sure has you beat for guts. I think Martin and I are with him. Do you want to stay here and babysit the rest of the building like they were a pack of your worst graduate students, or do you want to risk biting into some history?
[Zeda, Martin and Peter exit left. Julius sighs and follows.]
"…what a Murdoch…"
[Peter enters left, followed by Zeda, Martin. Julius is still in the rear. They come up to the ruin of the Temple of Cyrus. The rotunda has collapsed, though the sun is still to show through the new, permanent skylight where there had been a dome. They go up the stairs, and peer in. The front doors and the conference room door are all flat on the ground. A huge chunk of ceiling has smashed a gaping hole in the conference room floor.]
Peter: I was just in a meeting here yesterday…in a different life. [Keeping carefully close to the wall, he works his way around to where the ceiling chunk, like a giant chicken leg, still has the bone of a girder sticking up out of the floor.]
Martin: What's below here? A boiler room?
Peter: No, it was Murdoch's office.
Martin: Would he have weapons?
Peter: Not that I know, or would approve of.
Julius: Are you going to descend?
Peter: Down this girder? Are you mad? There is no way my insurance would cover an injury incurred while climbing over random storm wreckage, unless I was a first responder. How irresponsible!
Julius: You have no sense of academic inquiry. Martin, will you join me?
Martin: You nearly sounded like a man for a moment there, Scare.
Julius: High praise, indeed. Here: let's use this extension cord to lower ourselves down.
[The two rig an electrical cord to a wall stud, and head down the girder, while Zeda holds a floodlight down into the still-dim hole.]
"…was doing…"
Martin: Jackpot! Zeda, a little more to the left…
Julius: Peter, can you throw down that duffel bag? The roof collapse managed to break open an end table that concealed a safe.
[A duffle descends. There is a brief screeching sound of metal hinges being forced.]
Zeda: Hey the sun is fully above the horizon. You guys have about two more minutes down there, and then we need to get out. Even the sleepiest government guard has to wake up for his morning doughnut sooner or later.
Martin: Yeah, yeah. You gripe like a Sergeant Major, Zeda. OK, that looks like most of it. Zeda's right: we gotta beat feat. Julius, you go first with the bag on your shoulders, backpack-wise. I'll be right behind offering support.
Julius: Fair enough.
[Two men and a duffle ascend.]
Peter: There is a park by the river. I've got a secret place there I've gone for years when I need to escape the meetings and the madness.
Julius: Sounds good.
[The four exit stage right.]
"…in a rat-hole…"
[The four enter stage right, crouching, led by Peter.]
Peter: Just bend over and force your way through the bushes and up this little bank, and there is a secluded clearing at the top where we can go over the find.
Zeda: Is this where you brought your admin assistant for trysts?
Peter: David? He wasn't my type, and I doubt I was his. I always saw him with plump redheads, come to think of it.
[Julius, the duffel, and Martin break into the clearing. Dawn is done, and morning is in full swing. Julius sets the bag down, and unzips it to reveal a binder, an opened envelope, a pistol, two clips, and a large wallet.]
Martin: An M1911 and two clips. I may need a private moment, everyone…
Peter: This notebook discusses a fascinating project…
Zeda: This wallet looks like it will solve our financial problems indefinitely…
Julius: This letter is the most interesting bit of all…
"…like this."
Julius: …and it explains what a Murdoch is doing in a rat hole like this:
Dearest Justin Murdoch,
Your irresponsibility has become too great a burden. Whatever promise you once showed on the Project, you can no longer stay in the Emerald City after this latest outrage. Even a relative of Czar d'Oz himself cannot go whoring amongst the Brutals in so cavalier a manner.
I've found you a position in Kansas, working for the Flyover Czar in Topeka. You understand that this constitutes a banishment. You also understand that saving your sorry hide even this much has cost me significant political capital. You must go and never return, or you shall have defied me personally, and get to pay for that as well as your other misdeeds.
Jasper d'Oz, Northwest Czar
Martin: OK, I think we need to take this stuff back. Not that I want to, mind you, just that one thing you don't do is steal from a Czar. Them bastards don't tolerate competition.
Zeda: I second that idea, though it would be a shame to just let all of this stuff go.
Peter: In political struggles, you always trade up. We secured these goods, and we're going to return them intact. The reason we're going to do that is because Murdoch is hiring us to go on a mission. He's doing that not only because of the dirt we now have on him, and the loyalty and respect we're showing by protecting his property, but because we're going to make him look a genius to the Car Czar in Detroit, where he is sending us on a diplomatic mission.
Only that's a ruse. We're going to take the vehicle he sends us in and head off to Seattle, instead, to see if this experimental time machine project detailed in this notebook, and which appeared nearly operational when he got this copy of the project description, actually works.
Because, if it does, we have a chance to go back to the beginning of this godforsaken Obama administration and warn the people!
[Zeda's eyes widen, Martin nods vigorously, and Julius' jaw drops.]
Next episode: TOTO.
When Your Neighbor Loses His Job
It's A Recession.
When You Screw A Whore Behind Your Wife's Back, Get Caught, And Lose Your Job, It's A Catastrophic Economic Meltdown.
Via Memeorandum. About Eliot Spitzer.
Labels: Ashley Alexandra Dupre, economics, Eliot Spitzer, humor
She's so fat, we think she's kinda cute.
Because she's dumb, blonde and rich, with big hooters -- just the way we like 'em.
Also, she's my cousin. And you know how we hillbilly Bubbas are about our cousins.
Labels: humor, Meghan McCain, Rule 5
Well, cuz, there's a reason they're called 'TwitPics' you know . . .
Meghan McCain posted this photo:
And, evidently, some people responded by saying rude things about her, to which she replied:
so I took a fun picture not thinking anything about what I was wearing but apparently anything other than a pantsuit I am a slut, this is why I have been considering deleting my twitter account, what once was fun now just seems like a vessel for harassment
-- McCainBlogette
I am going to take some more time to think about it but seriously I was just trying to be funny with the book and that I'm a dork staying in
when I am alone in my apartment, I wear tank tops and sweat pants, I had no idea this makes me a "slut", I can't even tell you how hurt I am
--McCainBlogette
ok I am getting the f***k off twitter, promise not to delete my account until I sleep on it, thank you for the nice words supporters
Well, I have no idea what anybody said about her that caused her to have a Twitter breakdown. It is an unfortunate fact that some people associate large breasts with promiscuity. The girl in eighth grade with the biggest rack usually somehow gets a reputation, even if she's done nothing to deserve it.
Of course, Meghan's photo involved a rather spectacular display, but you can see equally abundant cleavage on lots of college kids' Facebook pages, so that doesn't really mean anything.
Anyway, at some point -- actually before posting the picture -- she took an out-of-the-blue shot at Allahpundit:
pretty much my image of @allahpundit is I am the chick from silence of the lambs and he is screaming at me in a hole 2 put lotion on my skin
This is a reference to the creepy "Buffalo Bill" character ("It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again") and I've got no idea why she'd take a shot like that. Weird.
Whatever. Meghan McCain not a victim. She the heiress to a fortune and the daughter of a powerful U.S. Senator. She is also spoiled rotten and arrogant, lecturing the world at Tina Brown's Daily Beast without any more qualification than her family name and an Ivy League diploma.
For someone like that to play the victim card -- "Boo hoo hoo! people said mean things about me!" -- is absurd, and reminds me of what I wrote at the Green Room today:
Nothing is quite so annoying as fake victimhood: Overprivileged people trying to elicit sympathy in the Oprah Age by claiming they are victimized by something that doesn't actually harm them at all.
"Sticks and stones," OK? Grow up.
UPDATE: OK, thanks to MelissaTweets and Dahlhalla for these screen-caps of previous Meghan McCain posts that explain the Allah-hate. Meghan wrote this post:
And then, evidently in reference to Allah (who had made jokes about having a crush on Meghan) she posted this:
Obviously, she's got issues.
UPDATE II: Recall that in June, LOTUS noticed how much Meghan liked to talk about her rack:
Clearly, Meghan McCain is at the forefront of the tit-tering movement. This is because her rack probably is her greatest contribution to the GOP.
Unfortunately for them, everyone knows that I've already declared myself to be the titular head of the conservative movement.
Seriously, Megan: You don't want to match racks with LOTUS.
Posted by Robert Stacy McCain at 10:29 PM 41 comments Links to this post
Labels: Meghan McCain
Former Reagan administration official Bruce Bartlett tells the tale of how an economist friend of his, Richard Rahn, got bumped from an appearance on the Jim Lehrer PBS show because another economist, Russ Roberts, had written a rap song about economics.
This would be funny, except that Bartlett explains that such show-biz calculations utterly dominate the process of booking talking heads:
Anyone who regularly does TV interviews knows that one is always required to do a pre-interview in which a producer feels you out as to what you will say in response to certain hypothetical questions. It would be simpler if they just came out and said, "We are looking for someone to go on air and say Obama is the anti-Christ (or whatever). Are you willing to do that?"
Such a method, however, is crass and offends the dignity of potential guests, so instead the producer will talk around the issue. She (they are almost always female) will say something like this: "We are thinking about doing a segment on whether Obama is the anti-Christ and looking for guests who will debate this topic. If we had you on what would your take be?"
If you say that the idea is ridiculous you will be thanked and the producer will move on to the next name on her list. Eventually she will find a crazy person like Alan Keyes to say what she wants him to say or someone so desperate to be on TV that he will play Devil's Advocate and pretend to believe that Obama is the anti-Christ for the sake of 5 minutes of air time.
Sometimes, however, the producer hasn't been fully clued in to what it is she is supposed to do and accidentally books a guest unwilling to play the proper role. When this happens, the guest will later get a call canceling his appearance on the grounds that the segment "went in a different direction" or similar BS.
A few weeks ago, I got the "went-in-a-different-direction" explanation from a CNN producer. She'd called one evening to ask me to be on a show the next day -- discussing something I'd written about at The American Spectator --so I'd planned my day with the trip to CNN's DC studio in mind. Showered, shaved, dressed, got in the car and was already en route (it's 70 miles from my house to DC) when the producer called to say they'd changed their plan.
C'est la guerre. You can't really complain. It's just show business. If you want to understand why TV news is show business, you need to read Neil Postman's Amusing Ourselves to Death.
And, yeah, the assistant producer who books the guests is almost always female. It's the "assistant" part, you see. The "senior" or "executive" producer, on the other hand, is almost always a guy.
Funny how that works: Sexism creates lots of "assistant producer" opportunities for women who are never going to make it to "senior" or "executive" producer. And yet no network gets sued for discrimination. Why? Because to file a lawsuit would be bad for the assistant producer's career. And thus it is her ambition that makes her vulnerable to exploitation.
So David Letterman shags the office help like he's Mick Jagger on tour in '72 and, if it weren't for a blackmailer, we'd never know about it. If you sensed some unease on the part of TV news shows in discussing the Letterman scandal . . .
Well, it's show business.


text:
The Curious Case of Hedda Sterne
April 12, 2011 by Marion Maneker
credit: Nina Leen/Time & Life Pictures- Getty Images
Hedda Sterne died late last week. The New York Times offers her obituary here but The New York Review of Books has this long essay by Sarah Boxer explaining her life, art and why she did not have the same career as the others in this famous photograph:
Not only was she not an Abstract Expressionist; she was the anti–Abstract Expressionist, someone who had no use for the cult of personality and personal gesture. As Sarah Eckhardt, curator of "Uninterrupted Flux," Sterne's 2006 retrospective, noted, Sterne saw her art as a diary, her eye as a camera finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. Her subjects were mundane. Her palette was spare and muted (tan, ochre, black, white, and blue), her brush more often dry than loaded, her line searching. And at a time when just about every painter who mattered was a heroic abstract artist, or trying to be, she was not. […] Sterne was not alone in her absorbed, transforming take on the world around her, which she learned from the Surrealists. What really distinguishes her is her refusal to develop what she tartly termed a "logo" style. And that refusal, Sterne said once, "very much destroyed my 'career.'" Although Peggy Guggenheim and Betty Parsons championed her, although major museums acquired her work, although Clement Greenberg praised her "nice flatness" and "delicacy" and Hilton Kramer mentioned her "first-class graphic gift," and although she has had one of the longest exhibition histories of any living artist (seventy years), she is hardly well known. That doesn't bother her.
The Last Irascible (New York Review of Books)
Hedda Sterne, Artist of Many Styles, Dies at 100 (New York Times)
James Lord
Stanley Seeger
Lester Glassner
Honoré Sharrer
Filed Under: Retrospectives
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