Independent Suspension utilizing Double A-arm style system like the Formula Race cars with fully adjustable cast, camber, toe in and ride height. To make sure the wear and tear items are easy to source, the tie rod ends, ball joints and spindles are all 1991 to 1999 VW Golf III. So if you wear something out, you can run to the local auto parts store and pick it up and be back on the road in no time. The A-arm bushings use Harley-Davidson ® handlebar riser bushings, so they are also easy to replace should the need arise.
The twin rear disc brakes are still controlled by your rear brake pedal. The brake calipers, pads and rotors are also 1991 to 1999 VW Golf III making it easy to maintain. It even comes standard with a "Parking Brake" which is an expensive option on most conversion kits.
Your factory run/brake & turn signal lamps will be re-used, except on the Mamuth bodies as they come with Euro spec LED run/brake/turn lamps. Upgrades are available through your dealer.
High grade fiberglass is used to create the rear body panel and fenders. The fenders are attached to the control arms resulting in them moving up and down with the tires along with giving it the perfect space between fender and tire. The one exception is the Mamuth body with the integrated fenders.
The wheels will be 17" by 7" or 7.5" wide - you will have a choice of multiple wheels to choose from.
This unique and patented concept provides the option to transform your Harley-Davidson ® into a Traditional Trike by implementing our rear set-up. This gives you a Traditional Trike with a two-wheels in the rear and your original wheel and tire in the front. This is available to be installed by itself or combined with the Q3F reverse trike kit, to create a Harley quad.
This unique and patented concept provides the option to transform your Harley-Davidson ® into a Reverse Trike by implementing our frontend set-up. This gives you a Trike with a two-wheels in the front and a single-wheel original backend. This is available to be installed by itself or combined with one of the rear Q3R, trike conversions to create a Harley quad.
The complete transformation is a bolt on system and entails no drilling, welding or any other permanent alteration of your original Harley-Davidson ® motorcycle frame. It does require an authorized American Bike and Trike dealer to install it.
Designed by a Formula One Racing Engineer in Belgium as a quad conversion for the Harley-Davidson ® Softail ®, they knew that if it proved to handle as well as they thought, it would also work fantastic as a Trike or a Reverse Trike conversion. It turned out better than they even dreamed it would, resulting in a quad conversion that can corner like a race car, stop on a dime and be predictable at speed.
Let's break this down and go over each version of the Qtec-Engineering conversion kits.
The twin front disc brakes are integrated with your rear brake and all controlled by your rear brake pedal. The brake Calipers, pads and rotors are also 1991 to 1999 VW Golf III making it easy to maintain.
The steering is direct and easy to steer by using a variable, non-linear lever principle that provides perfect handling and road feedback. The parts are manufactured of high grade, aeronautical aluminum, milled out of a single piece of aluminum to comply with our highest quality levels.
Twin headlamps are installed in front to help you see and be seen. Your factory run & turn signal lamps will be re-used. Upgrades are available through your dealer.
High grade fiberglass is used to create the front cowling and fenders. The fenders are attached to the control arms resulting in them moving up and down with the tires along with giving it the perfect space between fender and tire.
We are American Bike and Trike, the authorized distributor of the Qtec-Engineering conversion kits for all of America and Canada. Qtec-Engineering is located in Belgium where they have been been building them for over ten years. They are certified to the highest European standards and have been awarded "European Type Approval".
The patented differential was specifically developed for this venture. The differential is particularly compact in dimension and is fitted with a drive belt just like your Harley-Davidson ®. The drive belt is an S&S part number and Is made by Gates for them. Should it get damaged somehow and need replacing, it is easy to get also.
Due to the implementation of our differential, the vehicle's handling is perfectly neutral even in the tightest curves which also attributes to safety of this conversion when you have predictable tracking.
This is simply combining our front kit, the Q3F and and one of our rear kits the Q3R's. The braking system will be integrated making the rear brake pedal control all the brakes front and rear. Stomp and Stop!


Paldor peak(5896m) is located at Ganesh Himal region, north-west of Kathmandu. This peak can be climbed from North East, South East, West and South West Ridge.It was first climbed by Bill Tilman, Peter Lloyd, Tenzing Sherpa and Da Namgyal during the monsoon of 1949 by the North-East Ridge. Trekking to Paldor is one of the best and famous trekking routes in Ganesh Himal region. In this region you get to view stunning tranquil lakes, beautiful waterfalls, great Himalayan landscapes and lush green farming terraces.
Day 01: Arrival in Kathmandu, reception at the airport and transfer to hotel night in hotel.
Day 04 - Day 05: Trek upto Paldor Base Camp.
Day 06 - Day 12: Acclimatization and climbing period.
Day 13 - Day 18: Back to Trisuli and drive back to Kathmandu.
- Paldor Peak Permit starting 250 US$ per person.


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The Match That Made Juventus Buy Paulo Dybala
The Match That Made: Paulo Dybala ??
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In this episode we see Paulo Dybala in his greatest performance during the 2014/15 season against Napoli. His team; Palermo were newly promoted from Serie B and were facing title contenders Napoli in this mini rivalry (Derby delle Due Sicilie). Dybala assisted the 2nd goal and set up the 3rd with a fantastic piece of skill and brilliant cross into the box which was headed down for a tap in. Although he didn't score he was an absolute menace in this one against one of Europe's elites. The game ended 3-1 and Palermo went on to stay in Serie A against all odds. The 21 year old finished the season with 13 goals and 10 assists in 34 games. Juventus signed him that summer for €40M and well, the rest is history!
"The Match That Made" is a new series that I'm experimenting with. The concept is to show the superstars of today, in their best performance of the season before they got signed to a top club. Of course 1 game doesn't make the player who they are today but those special performances are the ones that catch the eyes of world watching!
Let me know who you would like to see next time on "The Match That Made"!
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Intro Song Name: CMA – Loose Ends
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I must state that in NO way, shape or form am I intending to infringe rights of the copyright holder. Content used is strictly for research/reviewing purposes and to help educate. All under the Fair Use law.
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text:
Tyra Banks' Reality Business Competition Show Gets Greenlight From NBC
It was announced today that the NBC network has just given the greenlight to her new reality competition show focused on creating a start-up business.
Danielle Jennings
Never one to stay idle too long, former supermodel turned mogul Tyra Banks has already lined up her next project since becoming a mom. It was announced today that the NBC network has just given the greenlight to her new reality competition show focused on creating a start-up business.
Source: Maarten de Boer / Getty
Industry insider Variety has all the details about the new competition series, titled Funded, which will also feature Rod Dyrdek and Rohan Oza.
The inside scoop on the show states:
NBC has greenlit Funded, a new reality show that will feature entrepreneurs with start-up companies battling for an investment in their business.
"Rob, Tyra and Rohan offer a level of business experience and expertise that is priceless to a burgeoning entrepreneur. They are perfectly suited to be at the helm of this series as it sets out to shine a light on extraordinary start-ups, provide invaluable guidance to innovators and give financial backing to the most deserving and revolutionary ideas that will shape our future," said Universal president Meredith Ahr.
For her role in the series (in which the winner receives $1 million dollars) and what it means to her to be able to share her vast knowledge in the business arena, Tyra Banks stated, "I have spent my life encouraging people to BYOB — Be Your Own Boss. Making everyday people's dreams come true is what I live for. [This is] life-changing type of television power project that gets me pumped. We will enlighten and entertain audiences and encourage our viewers to attack their most outrageous goals with fierce determination."
Tyra is certainly qualified to give business advice, considering she attended Harvard Business School and has several companies under her belt that range from fashion and beauty to movies and television. Funded does not yet have a premiere date, but we'll keep you posted on the show's progress.
Check out today Top Stories here:
http://hellobeautiful.com/2016/07/13/sandra-bland-death-one-year-later/
Tyra Banks' Reality Business Competition Show Gets Greenlight From NBC was originally published on hellobeautiful.com
celebrity news entertainment news Nbc reality shows TV news tv shows tyra banks


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Bill Burr: Paper Tiger (2019) – Transcript
Only a few weeks after Dave Chappelle's "Sticks and Stones," Netflix releases the long-awaited Bill Burr's 6th stand-up special. Filmed at the Royal Albert Hall in London, "Paper Tiger" crushes, once more, the stupid culture of political correctness.
Recorded Live at the Royal Albert Hall, London, England
[cheering and applause]
[female announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bill Burr!
All right, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. How are you? Excellent. Thank you for coming out. Very prestigious… arena to listen to my d!ck and sh!t jokes over the next… [chuckles] …90 minutes. No, I'm excited to be here. I am. It's very, uh…
[audience whooping]
…exciting to be doing stand-up outside of my own country. Yeah. No, not 'cause of you! [laughter] It's how it's become. F*cking US, everything's so goddamn… Every f*cking joke you tell, "Well, what did you mean about that? I didn't go to the gym today. Are you calling me fat? I feel f*cking triggered." [laughter] Gotta f*cking apologize to everybody.
This is how screwed up my country is right now.
You… You know Bryan Cranston, right?
[audience cheers]
That dude did a movie. He played a quadriplegic… and people gave him sh!t… [laughter] …being like, "Why is there an able-bodied person playing a quadriplegic?" It's like, "It's because it's called acting, you dumb f*ck." See, if he was a quadriplegic playing a quadriplegic, that's not acting. That's just f*cking laying there, saying sh!t that someone else wrote. [laughter] "So tell us, what did you do to prepare for the role?" "Well, I dove head-first into the shallow end of a pool when I was 23. I feel like I've been preparing for this role for my whole life." [laughter] "Right, what is up next for you?" "Oh, well, they're gonna do a reboot of Top Gun. Uh, I'm gonna fly… [mumbling] And, uh, the copilot's gonna be transgender. So everybody will be happy. She won't die. Her discarded d!ck will block her head from the canopy. There'll be a gender-neutral bathroom on the plane." [laughter]
How f*cking dumb is that? That's literally like watching a movie, "Why didn't you have a murderer play a murderer? And how come the guy he shot, I saw him in another movie?" I mean, what the f*ck is going on? [laughter]
No, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what the f*ck is going on… but I think white women started it. [laughter]
Oh! It's the worst. The f*cking worst. That's all they do, is bitch, moan, and complain. I had no idea how difficult it was to be a white woman in the United States of America. Evidently, it's really difficult. [chuckles] [laughter] Yeah, they're always bitching. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be me?" "Well, I imagine it would be slightly less awesome than my life." [laughter] [laughs] "What happened to you today, sweetheart, huh? Did they not chill your rose?" You know? "Was the trolley not running down at the mall? What happened?"
No, it's unreal. I'm really f*cking annoyed how white women have the f*cking balls to throw my white privilege in my face. You know? Start to separate themselves from these "white males, with their white male privilege." It's like, "Bitch, you're sitting in the Jacuzzi with me! The f*ck are you talking about? Yeah! Quit your f*cking whining."
Look… here's a little caveat here, so you don't think I'm a complete as*hole right out of the gate, all right? If you f*cking… If you're living some Honey Boo Boo lifestyle on the Appalachian Trail, you know, and your uncle just banged you in the dirt, all right, I can listen to you.
No, one of my fantasies is I wanna drive by, like, a woman's rally and just say the most sexist sh!t I can think of… just to watch them lose their minds. You know, just drive by real slow and be like, "Yeah, why don't you get back in the kitchen where you belong?" [chuckles] Just to look in the rearview mirror, watching them, "ah," flipping out in the road. Spinning around like Leatherface at the end of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, like… "Ah! Ah! Ah!"
Yeah. No, it's a very, uh… I don't know, times are changing, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Michelle Obama's doing an arena tour. That's another thing going on. I'm gonna say that again. Michelle Obama… [laughter] …is doing an arena tour. She's not playing comedy clubs. She's doing arenas. When did First Ladies start acting like they got elected? You know? Dude, being a First Lady, that's not a f*cking job. Just standing there, smiling and waving. Hey? Look how quiet it is in here. Why is it so f*cking quiet? You think that's a job? It's not a f*cking job! Dude, if you really think it's a job, just look at him. Right? Look at Obama. When that guy got elected, he looked like he was about 41 years old. When he left office, that guy looked like he was about 73. Right? Look at Michelle. She looks younger now than she did when that dude got elected. What has she done for the last eight years…
…yeah, other than lay in a giant vat of Illuminati-level lotion? Just sitting there, floating. A couple hours, a shape-shifter comes in and dumps another bucket on her. "Here's some more… more of this." She pops her head up: "Hey, Bam-Bam, tell Stevie Wonder to come down and play some songs tonight." [gurgles] [laughter]
Yeah. I found out she's doing a tour, 'cause she's doing a book tour. Yeah, she wrote a book. She wrote a book about not having a job. [laughs] I gotta read that f*cking book! "Chapter One, how to know if a d!ck tastes presidential. [laughter] How to weed your way… [whistles and applause] How to weed your way through all that local representative cock and get to the big swinging d!ck in the room."
[chuckles] I'll tell you right now, say what you want about Republican Presidents, but they got their First Ladies in line. [laughter] They do! Dude, George W. was President for eight years. Eight years! I don't even know his wife's name! [laughter] What was it, Abigail or some sh!t? Maggie? No clue! Donald Trump's wife stands behind him like a giant meerkat, like… [laughter] [chuckles] Bill Clinton was President, his wife never shut up. "Ah! I wanna do healthcare! Ah!" He f*cked around on her so much. He was like, "All right, whatever, just do it." [laughter] [chuckles]
But I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna check out that f*cking tour. I gotta see what that's all about. You know? Who opens? Who opens on that f*cking tour? Was it Oprah Winfrey's husband? You know? [laughter] Does he f*cking come out and talk about what it's like to walk her dogs? "I do it for 20 minutes a day. The cocker spaniel's probably the most fussiest, and I gotta bring him around."
Look, I'm sure that there's some, uh, feminists in the crowd right now not appreciating this joke, feeling triggered, feeling like they need to f*cking put out a hashtag or some sh!t. And be brave and speak out. You know what? You're full of sh!t. [laughter] You are. [cheering and applause] All… All those feminists are full of sh!t. 'Cause I'm gonna tell you right now, someday… someday, there's gonna be, there's gonna be the first woman President. All right?
Which means…
[cheering]
You don't even know what her f*cking platform is, and you automatically cheer. [laughter] "Ooh, ooh, it's got the same genitalia! Ooh!" F*cking… I'm telling you. They're not smart people. Feminists, they're not as smart as they're coming off, I'm telling you.
Someday… there's gonna be… This is going to be my last show ever by the time this f*cking thing comes out. Someday, there's gonna be the first female President, which means there's gonna be the first male First Lady. Right? And you wait. You f*cking wait! The first time that dude opens his mouth about some political sh!t, you watch all these feminists. They're all gonna be, "You shut the f*ck up! You shut the f*ck up! It is her time now. It is her time. She was elected, not you! Go pick out some plates, bitch! You are the First Lady." [chuckles]
He's gonna get treated like Tom Arnold when he was with Roseanne. [laughter] Secret Service name will be, like, "Appendix" or "Doesn't Matter." "'Not Worthy of Protecting' just entered the Oval Office. 'Not Worthy of Protecting'."
So, anyways… There's been, uh… The #MeToo movement has happened since the last time I was here. Yeah, no, it had to happen, Jesus Christ, but, you know, I think it's dying down. You know? I don't know, I think they got everybody. [laughter] Right? [chuckles] Just judging by the stories, I feel like they kind of got everybody. 'Cause the first stories that came out, they were f*cking unbelievable. It was just guys taking their d!cks out at work, like, "Look at it! Look at it! Ah! Ah! Ah!" F*cking blocking doors and jizzing on plants. You're f*cking at home watching, "Jesus Christ, people did this sh!t?"
I remember this one poor woman said she was a PA, went into some director's trailer, and he came… allegedly, came running out, masturbating vigorously while holding a shrimp cocktail. [laughter] [chuckles] I swear to God! I know that's f*cked up, but I gotta tell you something. It's a little bit funny that she felt the need to use the adjective "vigorously" after she said he was masturbating. "He was masturbating vigorously." I'm thinking in my head, "Like, as opposed to what?" [laughter] As far as I know, there is only one successful way to perform that act, and that would be vigorously. Is there another way to do it? Can you do it passively? You know? Is that how Sting does it? Is that how he's able to f*ck for hours and hours? Fans a little air on it. He puts on "Fields Of Gold." Just lets that thing rise up. Just… Just letting it marinate, right? [chuckles]
Yeah, so the stories were big in the beginning. Like, "Oh, my God, what a bunch of f*cking animals." And then they just started tapering… tapering off. And about, I don't know, six months in, they just sounded like bad dates. It was like, "He was… He was ten minutes late. The chicken was cold. I think I was raped. Career over!" [laughter] "What about my side of the story?" "F*ck your side of the story! You have a d!ck and balls. We don't wanna hear it!"
Yeah. It's really weird how the whole thing… It went from, like, nobody listening… men not listening to women at all, to just this total over-correction that anything they f*cking said means it happens, you know? They got these hashtags like, you know, "Believe women." "Believe women," right? That's a little open-ended, huh? Just straight across the f*cking board, all of them? Every last f*cking one of them? What about the psychos? What about the ones that key your car and light your sh!t on fire 'cause you didn't f*cking answer a text? What about them? Huh? How about you believe, like, 88%, and that last 12% that's out of their f*cking minds… You know, I think that's a fair percentage, wouldn't you? No? Are you too afraid? To not believe?
I know, that's the world we're f*cking living in right now. No, everything has just become f*cking absolutes. In… In… In the States, it's f*cking nuts. Like that Colin Kaepernick guy, right? You knew when he was, like, protesting during the national anthem, no one was gonna listen to what the f*ck he had to say. No matter how much he explained it. He goes, "I'm taking a knee during the national anthem. This is a protest about police brutality, the way people of color are treated. We'd like to open a dialogue." He got halfway through, then people were like, "My brother's fighting in Iraq, you f*cking piece of sh!t!" It's just like, "Buddy, buddy… nobody is saying your brother isn't in Iraq fighting. You're not listening. This is about police brutality–" "My brother's a firefighter. He watched 9/11 on television!" "No, no, no, buddy, nobody's saying that your brother's not a firefighter." "I have a bone spur in my heel! I can still stand up during the f*cking song!" "Buddy, nobody is saying you can't see a f*cking podiatrist. All right? You're not listening."
That's what it became. It went from not listening to women to just "believe women", right? And then people were just like, "Did you see that story? Did you read the story? You can't make something like that up." I literally wanna be like, "Well, did you see Star Wars?" [laughter] I mean, somebody made that up. They made, like, f*cking 15 of them, you know? People can make sh!t up, right? "You're part of the f*cking problem! Get the f*ck out…" You know? [chuckles]
"No means no," that's another one. "No means no." It's like, no, it doesn't. All right? [laughter] Look, "No!" means no. "No!" That means no, all right? [in flirty voice] But, "No, stop it, what are you doing? Oh, my God, you're being so bad. Stop it! No!" Yeah, that's not a f*cking no! That means, "I wanna do it, but I'm afraid you're gonna judge me, so I'm just gonna make it look like it was your idea so you don't figure out that I've already performed this act with 40 other f*cking people." Right? [laughter]
But then… then you go to court and you get a bad reading. Some guy's reading it. [in serious voice] "Ah, Your Honor, she said, 'No, stop it. What are you doing? You're being so bad.'" [laughter] Yeah! And you're just sitting there like, "She didn't f*cking say it like that! She didn't say it like that!"
Yeah. So now everybody's just, like, scared sh!tless. You know? 'Cause I guess if women ran the world, there'd be no war. Evidently, there would be no due process either. So you've just gotta sit there, going, "Ah? Ah? Huh?" [laughs]
No, it's f*cking nuts. People are so scared now. You now have the male feminist. Like, where the f*ck did that come from? Just out of nowhere, last couple years. "I'm a male feminist. I've always championed women–" No, you haven't. You haven't! This sh!t came out and you're f*cking scared. You did something. You grabbed some f*cking titties. What the f*ck did you do that you have to over-correct that f*cking hard? What kind of a man who still has his balls is walking around saying that he's a male feminist? "Oh, I'm a male feminist. I totally see the way you see the f*cking world." It's… It's impossible… as a man who was raised right… [laughs] [laughter and applause] …to be a feminist. You can't do it. You're a man. Look, you can agree with it, you can empathize, sympathy, you can do all of that sh!t, but you can't be it any more than I can stand there and just be like, "I'm a Black Panther. Fight the power!" And then I walk out the door, a blue-eyed white dude, and I get to live that f*cking life, right?
I don't know. I don't know, ladies. I don't buy it. Maybe you do, I don't. Anytime I hear a guy say, "I'm a male feminist," I always just think, "That is the most pathetic, limp-d!ck way ever to try and get some pussy." Right? Like, that's literally… that is literally the f*cking game you had when you were on a first date when you were 16, you were all nervous and your whole game plan was, "Just agree with her. Maybe she'll touch it." [laughter] [chuckles] "So, what are your favorite bands?" "I like whatever you like! Will you touch it now? Did I do it right? Uh…"
Yeah, it's a weird time right now. I'm glad that I'm f*cking married now. I don't gotta f*cking deal with any of that sh!t. You know? For younger guys, how do you deal with it? You know what was really f*cked up in all of this, though? What about women who like it rough? Right? That doesn't happen here in the jolly old England? Huh? [laughter] Not at all! Everybody gets all dead silent. Big f*cking elephant in the f*cking room.
Right? Yeah. -[man] Ask for consent! How the f*ck do you… What's that?
[man] Ask for consent!
"Ask for consent"? Doesn't that take the mood… Well, Jesus, that kind of took it in a weird way. [laughter] [chuckles] Dude, whatever the f*ck I was saying, however you heard it, that's not what the f*ck I'm saying. All right? [laughter] "You know, I've really listened to this Me Too movement. I think for the first time in my life, I'm gonna ask for consent! I'm really gonna do it this time. I've been feeling…"
This is why you can't judge comedians. Do you understand? Do you understand what the f*ck I was saying and how this f*cking jackass just heard it? You know? The second…
Yeah! The second it comes out of my mouth, it's not what I said anymore. Goes into your f*cking ear hole and gets cut with your whole f*cking childhood. "Oh, this is what he means! Da, da, da, da, da, da, da…" [laughter] Sir, if I could get along with my point, if you wouldn't mind that. [laughter]
No, like, f*cking women who like it rough, like, that's gotta be so f*cking weird. [chuckles] I remember when I was a single man a long time ago. A lot of hair ago, right? Still wasn't a good look, but I was single. I was out there, taking some at bats. I remember that sh!t. You'd meet a woman, and when it started going down that road, like you knew you were gonna hook up, you'd try to get a jump on it, right? You'd try to figure out what they liked in the bedroom because you wanted to satisfy them. There's nothing worse than if you don't satisfy them, and you know they're gonna tell all their friends, and then you gotta f*cking move, and now there's social media and you got a f*cking nickname… It's a nightmare. So, you just try to, you know… You try to do a little f*cking intelligence. You'll be there, hanging out, just being like, "Yeah, so, uh, what are you into? What do you, uh… What do you like to do?" Right? One night, I asked a woman that, she set her drink down, she looked me right in the eye, she's like, "I like to get f*cked." [chuckles] And I knew what she meant! "All right, this is gonna be one of these. Okay, here we go. Just trying to… [laughter] We're gonna have to go hard on this one." Right? We had a great f*cking time.
I don't know how I would… Today, I would just be like, "All right, I know what you wanna do, but, like, you're gonna have to do it. You understand? Like, I'm just gonna stand here, and then you just back into me however hard you want. You control how hard you're backing into me. Then I'm gonna lay my hand on your shoulder. You can put your ponytail in it. I will slowly close my hand around it. And if at any point you want to yank your head like that, that's on you. My other hand will be just to the right of your right ass cheek, and if you wanna do one of those, that's fine. But I am not doing anything. I'm just gonna stand here like a giant f*ck stick, and you just have at it, you just have at it."
Yeah. You know what's hilarious about sexual assault? [laughter] [chuckles] You know what's hilarious about it? Is how women are acting like that is a uniquely female experience. You know what's funny? I actually, to the letter of the f*cking law, within the last two and a half years, got sexually assaulted in this business by a woman. Yeah! And this is my story! [laughter] [chuckles] I feel like I can live my truth and be brave tonight and share this with you. It's a 100% true f*cking story.
I was doing stand-up, I was doing a private gig. All right? Private gigs are the f*cking worst. You do a public gig, anybody can show up. It broadens what you can talk about, right? You do a private gig, it's like everybody grew up on the same f*cking street, so all your jokes gotta go right down f*cking mainstream or you're bombing. So all you do is listen to the first comic to hear what's working and what isn't. You're just listening as he's up there struggling, going, "Okay, they like bread. Talk about bread. Get all the bread you can. Don't make fun of the troops. Stay away from the troops!" Right? So that's what we're doing, right? And the host gets them going, then he brings up the first act. Okay, she goes on stage. She's not really a comedian, more of a personality. She does her bullsh!t or whatever, and I'm standing there, looking at my jokes, figuring out what I'm doing. She wraps it up. He goes on stage. She goes to get off. I'm thinking, "Okay, I'm next." I'm looking at my stuff, and she just walks right by me and just f*cking… poof! Just flicked me right on the head of my d!ck and kept walking! [laughter] Like it was nothing. Just f*cking… pow! And just kept… I couldn't f*cking believe it. I know what you're thinking. "Oh, was this a friend of yours? Was she flirting with you? Was this a joke?" None of the above. You know what it was? I swear to God, it was like a bully vibe. Like she was trying to get in my head. "There you go, you little red d!ck. Poof! Follow that!" And she just kept walking. Dude, my first thought as I saw her walking away, I just wanted to punch her in the back of the head as hard as humanly possible. Like, literally make her leave her shoes. You know? [laughter] But the other side of my brain's like, "No, dude, you can't do that. You can't do that. It's a woman. And it's just spitball. Well, f*cking boot her in the ass! Boot her in the ass! Can't hit her, dude. Can't hit her. It's a woman. Well, f*cking tell somebody! Tell somebody!" And all I'm thinking is, like, "Dude, I'm a guy." Can't f*cking tell anybody. Nobody gives a sh!t what happens to a guy. I'm gonna walk up to another man and be like, "Excuse me, sir, but she just flicked me in my pee-pee, and I didn't like that one bit. No, sir! I didn't like that at all. No, I didn't!" All the guys are gonna be like, "Dude, if she did that to me, I would've taken my balls out, too. F*cking flick both of these. F*cking sports bar, up top, Super Bowl, hey!" Right? That's all I would've got, right?
So now I'm standing there, I'm waiting to go on stage, the dude's doing my intro, I'm trying to think about jokes about bread, and the tip of my d!ck is still stinging. This is the world I'm in. And right as he's gonna bring me on, all of a sudden, she came out, 'cause she was going back out to her f*cking car, and that's when my brain started firing up again with some ideas. Started thinking sh!t that I had never thought before in my life. Going like, "Dude, there she is. There she is. Flick her in the box. [laughter] Do it, man. Equal rights. She did it to you, you do it back to her!" It started making sense. "Yeah, f*ck that! Flick my d!ck, I'm gonna flick your clit! That's right! I'll f*cking hit the man in the boat. Drop down, uppercut to the bush. F*ck this sh!t! Think I'm the kind of person you just can flick my d!ck and walk away like it ain't sh!t?" Right? And it was making sense till right when she got there, finally, I just started thinking of all the sporting events I had watched, and I realized that the referee only sees the retaliation. He never sees the first aggression, and then you have to go to the… yellow card, whatever the f*ck you people do over here, right? You go to the penalty box!
So I let her go, and I went out on stage. I did my sh!t. But here was the thing. For the next three f*cking days, I'm driving round LA, and I'm just losing my f*cking mind. You know? I'm f*cking screaming at the windshield, saying all this sh!t that I wanted to say but didn't say it in the moment. You know? It wasn't because… This is the thing. It wasn't because she touched me. You know what I mean? I don't give a f*ck about that, all right? You know, when I was a kid, I had a paper route and I was an altar boy. You know? [laughter] Yeah. You're gonna have to do a little bit better… than flick my d!ck over my jeans and my underwear. It's like, "Are we gonna do this or what? Like, what is happening here?" It's the fact that she thought she could bully me. So after f*cking three days of this sh!t, I had a splitting headache, and I started realizing, "Wait a minute. She's winning this thing." You know? "Here I am, still thinking about this sh!t. She's probably gone on to flick 30 to 40 d!cks since she's been with me. All right, she doesn't give a f*ck about me." So, you know what I did? I drove to my house, there was nobody home, I went upstairs, I closed the door, and I just sat down and I meditated on it, and I just forgave her. I did.
I just pictured her as a little five-year-old girl crying because her alcoholic dad, you know, wouldn't hug her or something. And she's just standing there crying, like, "But, Daddy, I love you!" He's like, "Get away from me! I never wanted children!" And then he walked through a screen door and he, like, face-planted into this above-ground pool. And he had a tool belt on, and it just sort of pulled him under. And she ran out, she grabbed his foot, and she was pulling and pulling, and his boot came off, and she sat down, and she just watched him slowly drown. [laughter] I don't know what happened after that. I just felt, like, this weight lift off of my chest. [chuckles] So, there you go. All you tough guys over here in England, don't be afraid to meditate, man. I'm telling you. You can let a lot of stuff go.
[man] Whoo! [whistles]
Do you know… I'm all right with silence. You don't have to feel like you have to do anything f*cking extra. Just relax. If it's funny, f*cking laugh. If it isn't, just f*cking sit there, and I'll know it's time to move on. [laughter]
Uh… So, anyways, I'm a married man with a kid. Happily married man. Yes, I am.
I… Yeah, I love my wife to death. I love everything about being f*cking married, but I'll tell you this right now, we do fight a lot. We do argue all the time. If I've learned anything in five years of being married, it is we're always working on me. You know? [chuckles] Evidently, my wife is this completed work under museum glass that is to be admired and studied, like, "Hmm, how did she do that?" And I'm like one of these… You know those buildings that just has scaffolding around it for, like, six straight years, and you're like, "Are they ever gonna finish that thing? Is that some sort of insurance job? Jesus Christ, what a piece of sh!t! They should just tear it down and start over again."
Yeah. I have a temper, so that's the thing. That's what kind of ruins things. Everything else I do is fine, but I have a f*cking temper and it just ruins sh!t, and then my wife always says the same thing. She's always just like, "I just don't understand. Where did that come from? Where is that coming from? You just go from zero to 100 in two seconds." It's like, first of all, I idle at 75 miles an hour, all right? So don't give me this zero to 100. I walked into this restaurant 75. I could hear that guy talking too loud on his cell phone from the f*cking parking lot! [laughter] [chuckles]
Yeah. I f*cking tried all of this sh!t… Whenever she says that to me, though, I swear to God. "I just don't understand. Where is this coming from?" It actually hurts my feelings when she says that. You know? 'Cause it makes me feel like she's not listening to me. It's like, "Honey, how many childhood stories do I have to tell you before you follow the breadcrumbs to the absolute lunatic that you married?" [laughter] Didn't she ever take a psychology class? I'm not that complex!
Like, I'll tell you guys a quick… I'll tell you a quick childhood story. I'll tell you one of the funnier ones. One time, when I was, like, six, my older brother was eight, we were in the back seat of my dad's car, and we were, like, laughing and excited 'cause it was around Christmas. Right? And my dad just had this thing. He just didn't like joy, you know? [laughter] So he's sitting there driving, going like, "Jesus Christ, knock it off back there! Christ, you're giggling like a couple of little schoolgirls! Christ, you don't straighten up, I'm gonna buy you a doll for Christmas!" And then he did. [chuckles] I swear to God. He made us hold them up. My mother's taking pictures in front of the Christmas tree. I'm just standing there, like, "Wah! Wah!" Afterwards, I ran upstairs to my top bunk. My dad knew he'd f*cked up. To his credit, he came up, he tried to smooth it over. He's like, "All right, come on back down. It's over. Come on down and enjoy the holiday." And I'm like, "No, I don't want any gifts, I f*cking hate you! Ah!" Right? He eventually coaxed me down, you know? He just… He softened up a little bit. "Look, you don't get your f*cking ass back downstairs, no one else can open their gifts. Now move it out! I said move it out!" I go back downstairs all shell-shocked. "Here's another gift for you, Billy." I'm like, "Is this a f*cking dollhouse? When does it end?" Yeah. That was Christmas, and those were people that loved me. [laughter] "I just don't understand. Where is this coming from? I just don't understand."
So, I gotta do it, though. I gotta work on the temper. I'm gonna do it. You know, I got the kid now, and I just don't want… I don't wanna pass it on to her, you know? I have, like, a demon in my family tree. Like, this f*cking rage, it's just… You know? Just keeps following us, and now I got it. I have it so bad, like, literally, my daughter, she's a little over two years old, she's yet to meet me yet. You know? Like, the real me. She's seen glimpses of me. Like, "Hey, how are you?" [chuckles] She's seen glimpses of the anger, but I'm able to smooth it over quickly. Like, "Whoa, Daddy almost snapped his phone in half!" [laughter] But I see it in her face. I can see the way she looks at me. She's starting to put it together, like, "This dude's a little f*cked up, man. He's a little f*cked up."
I cannot tell you how heartbreaking that is to see from a toddler… much less your own daughter. I'm like, "I gotta end this thing, man." This rage, it has to end with me. I can't have an angry kid just walking around, f*cking kicking toys, "F*cking bullsh!t!" and just being, like, a lunatic. I want to be like that priest in The Exorcist when the devil got in him, and he just f*cking leaps out the window and dies.
You know? So I have been f*cking trying everything. You know? I tried, you know… I don't know, I tried… meditating, wearing sweaters. I did that for a while. Like, if I dressed like a regular guy, I'd be one. I drew a smiley face on a Post-it and stuck it on my dashboard, like that was gonna help with my road rage. You know, driving down the street like, "You mother… Oh, yeah, I guess I've done that too! Thank you, smiley face." [laughter]
I remember one night I actually considered taking a bath. 'Cause I was gonna call my wife, I was on the road, and I was like, "I don't want to have a fight with her. I need to relax. What the f*ck can I do?" And I thought about it. Women take baths, right? They do. It's a very feminine thing. They have a bad week. "I just wanna decompress," and they just have a soak, and then they're just fine. Next thing you know, they're drinking wine, calling friends. "I'm so glad you're in my life… and I feel I can get back out there again." Right? So I'm literally alone, I start drawing a bath, and the water came all the way up. And at the end of the day, I couldn't f*cking do it! [chuckles] There's just no way as a man to take a bath and not think about killing yourself. You know? There's just something about slipping into that coffin-shaped thing. It's like, "Am I gonna slit my wrists? Am I testifying against the Mob? What the f*ck am I doing here?" I'm a man! I don't take a bath, you take a shower. Hose it off, block out your feelings, keep walking till you drop of a heart attack. Literally, as you're going down, "Are you okay?" "I'm fine! I'm fine!" [laughter]
Can't take a bath. Sitting there playing with a rubber ducky, sticking my toe in the faucet. Right? Not allowed. Not allowed to be that happy, so… I don't know what I'm gonna do. I think I'm gonna go back to therapy. Do that f*cking bullsh!t again. Fast-forward through all these stories I've told a million times. I gotta do it, though. And I'm gonna do it for my kid and do it for my wife, and, selfishly, do it for me… because…
-[woman] Whoo!
-I'm gonna tell you why. You're not gonna like the results, miss. [laughter] This is why I'm gonna do it. If I actually don't have a temper, like, I just think to myself, "What could my wife complain…" Like, "What could my wife bitch at me about?" Right? I f*cking crush everything. I do. I take out the trash, okay? The gate was squeaky the other day. I f*cking made sure that was done, you know? I pick up after myself. I like to think I'm a good dad. I work my ass off. I make a great f*cking living. Crush all of that. All she has on me is who I am as a person. [laughter] That's it!
Yeah, if I could just not be who I was when she met me… I think I'd have a shot, you know?
So, we figured out the number one thing we fight about is television, you know? I watch sports. She watches those Real Housewives. You know, it just doesn't work out. You know, I… You guys have The Real Housewives out here? You do? Yeah. Yeah. It's just… I imagine it's just the most depressing f*cking thing ever, isn't it? Those women, they just look so f*cking exhausted, you know what I mean? Just with the war paint and the circle tits, just trying to f*cking tuck it in and f*cking… Like an athlete at the end of their career, just trying to limp on to the field one more time. They're not as fast as they used to be. It reminds you of your own mortality. It's just like, "Ladies, just f*cking sit down. Put on something flowing. I'll put on a sport coat. We'll be in bed by 8:30," right? "We're f*cking old," you know?
So, we realized that, uh, I don't know, we always fight about the television, so I'm like, "What about documentaries? Why don't we just tape something we both like?" We both love documentaries. They're fun, right? You watch them. You learn something. You repeat it at a party. People think you read! [laughter] So I tape… You know, first one I tape is on Elvis Presley. Right? Now, I love Elvis. Okay? He fascinates me. He's, like, the first rock star with the power of television. They just intersected, and he ascended to this level of fame that no one had ever been to before. Hence, he made all the mistakes 'cause there was no one there to help him out. Right? He got a piece-of-sh!t manager that stole from him. Bam! He stopped making music, started making sh!tty movies. He's not a good actor, right? Does that. Married a minor, started doing drugs, got fat, got an entourage, got even fatter, started wearing onesies, doing karate kicks, splitting his f*cking pants. Nobody's saying sh!t. "You look good, King!" "You like that? You like when my royal balls hang out?" "We love it, King. Keep f*cking going!" Starts doing pills, gets addicted, he f*cking dies alone on a toilet. All right? This man kicked open all of those f*cking doors for the rest of us. All right?
So I sit down, and I'm watching this documentary as a white dude. Which is what I am. I'm looking out my white head, watching this white sh!t, it's coming back into my white eyes, getting whiter by the f*cking second. All right? Now, my wife, on the other hand, she's black, right? Now, I hate saying that, 'cause it makes it seem like I'm gonna start doing some stupid comparison jokes. You know, those dumb white guy, black guy jokes. It's always like the white guy is like, "Oh, Jesus, I gotta do my taxes. Can this chair hold me?" The black guy is always like, "You need to loosen up, you gotta relax, man. You just gotta let it happen." Right? [chuckles] It's always the same stupid f*cking joke. I hate those jokes, you know, 'cause they're easy, and it's been my experience that it's just not true, you know? Fifteen years of being with her, there's really no difference, you know? Because at the end of the day, it's a woman. [laughter] All right? It's gonna be the same fights. I don't give a f*ck who you're with. I'm not gonna lie to you, there might be more head movement and hand gestures with different races of women… possibly an index finger jabbing at your forehead, whatever the f*ck that is. But at the end of the day, it's the same fights. "What's going on with us? Do you need to work on this? Why don't we communicate better?" Right?
So she starts watching this sh!t as a black person, right? And she's seeing all the racism, obviously, that I'm seeing, but she was catching all this subtle sh!t that I was too white to see but I knew I was missing it 'cause I just kept hearing her huffing and puffing. Just sitting next to me, being like… [huffing] And I'm just sitting there like, "Okay, somebody did something! [laughter] I don't know what just happened, but I don't think that was good!"
So right when I didn't think it could get any worse, it couldn't get any more uncomfortable between the two of us, this f*cking white dude comes on who, evidently, discovered Elvis. And he's, like, a hundred and f*cking 90 years old. And he comes out, starts talking. He's just like, "Well, basically, I was looking for a white boy that could take the down-and-dirty, nasty blues and combine it with the pristine, angelic sounds of bluegrass." Yeah, that's what he was doing. He was subtly putting black sh!t down here while he was propping up the white sh!t. You know? "The down-and-dirty, daddy-not-sticking-around, drug-infested neighborhood blues, with the Jesus-as-white-as-me, hair-the-color-of-the-sun, angelic, bluegrass-playing music," right?
So, at this point, my wife has, like, f*cking steam coming out of her ears, so I make a judgment call. I just f*cking shut it off. Right? And she looks at me. She's like, "Why did you shut that off? Why did you shut it off?" I was like, "Because you're about three minutes away from yelling at me like I produced this music. [laughter] All right? Let's just forget it. We'll watch something else." She's like, "No, why can't we just watch the rest of this and then discuss it afterwards?" It's like, "I don't want to f*cking do that. I just wanna watch a documentary! I don't want to have a f*cking lecture… because of these f*cking as*holes. I didn't do anything! I'm just sitting here watching TV! Not to mention, we're just gonna get into an argument." She's like, "Why would we get into an argument?" I'm like, "Ugh. All right, you know what? Because not for nothing, there was some black people in there saying some sh!t that I didn't agree with. I'm not huffing and puffing." Yeah… I said that. [laughter] Like a f*cking idiot! And she just looks at me. She's like, "Like what black people? Like what black people that said what?" And at that point, it's like you started the luge, right? You can't get off the f*cking sled. Now you gotta have the argument. Like, "Oh, f*ck, here we go, guess we're having this." And I'm like, "All right. All right, the black guy brought up leg shaking, saying, 'Elvis took leg shaking from us.' It's like, really? Leg shaking? Nobody thought to f*cking do this? Black people came up with that? You're telling me that? I'll even give you that! Let's say you came up with that, but where did that black dude learn how to do it? Didn't he watch some older black guy do it? But what? 'Cause he's the same color, he's not stealing. He's just carrying on the tradition. But if Elvis does it, 'Oh, what the f*ck?' Now he's the biggest thief ever? That doesn't make any sense to me." She goes, "No, you idiot, it's not about the leg shaking, okay? He appropriated a culture. He took all the music, he got all the money, got all the fame, he's called the King of it now, and he never gave a sh!t, not even a shout-out." And I was like, "All right. [laughter] Fair enough. Made about seven or eight good points there that I can't refute. [laughter] He appropriated a culture. I get it. You're right." She goes, "Fine, thank you." And I go, "However… [laughter] Not for nothing, do I get mad at you when you get on a skateboard and you start going down the f*cking street? Do I get all offended, like, 'Hey, man, that's some white sh!t! Stop appropriating my culture, man. Some dirty white kid in Santa Monica came up with that, man.'"
So she starts laughing, and I should've stopped there, but I'm a comedian, right? I'm like, "Ooh, I'm getting a laugh. There's gotta be a bigger laugh, so keep going, Bill. Let's come with another example." So I'm like, "Yeah, do I get mad at you when you fly from LA to New York in under six hours?" And she just, yeah… [chuckles] Yeah. And she just stares at me. She's just like, "That was f*cked up." [laughter] I was like, "Yeah. Yeah, I know. It sounded good in my f*cking head and then it came out. I just… I was just going for the laugh." And then she wouldn't let up. She's like, "Why is it f*cked up? Why is it f*cked up?" So now I'm back in the classroom, and I'm like, "Because… if, historically speaking, black people enjoyed the same amount of freedom and privilege, they would have had the money and the time to figure out how to fly, too." And she goes, "That's right." And I go, "However… [laughter] …your music would've suffered." [laughter and applause] Yeah! "You can't have my level of freedom and privilege walking around with that cul-de-sac, 'It really is gonna be okay!' and come up with that painful, beautiful music. You can't do that. Next thing you know, you're clapping on the f*cking downbeat, you're playing a washboard, right? James Brown is line dancing. All goes out the window, so you gotta make a choice! Either you learn how to fly and your music sucks…" [laughter] [chuckles]
Oh, I just noticed this thing came off. We can't have this. There's gotta be continuity between the f*cking shows here. Oh, Jesus Christ! This thing never comes off. It's right when you tape a f*cking special, then everything just falls apart. Royal Albert Hall, huh? Where did you buy this mic stand, huh? Where the f*ck did you get this?
You know the mic stand guy's all f*cking pissed off. "Right, that's a jolly good f*cking mic stand. F*cking Yank! F*cking Yank… Everything f*cking falls off on him. [laughter] How dare you! The Queen comes down here and sits in a box and watches the show!"
You know what I heard about you guys? [laughter] Actually, by the way, I've been over here for a week, and as an American, I gotta say something. You guys are pretty fat, too. [laughter] [chuckles]
Yeah. Specifically the men. I don't know what's going on with the men, but I don't give a f*ck how fat you get, you're gonna pour yourself into your skinny jeans. They still got them. It's like you're squeezing all the fat to the top like toothpaste. "Right, still wearing me same jeans from primary school!" [laughter] [chuckles]
Um… I don't know, but anyways… You know what I'm afraid of? Robots. Yeah. I saw one get interviewed on 60 Minutes. The top journalistic program in the United States. And he's just sitting there getting interviewed, not nervous at all, just rattling off all the f*cking answers. You know? Not smoking, not f*cking, you know, leaking oil, whatever you would do as a nervous robot, right? And the reporter's asking him questions, and in the end, he goes, "So, tell us…" He's like, uh… He's like, "What are your goals?" And I am alone in a hotel room, and I literally lean towards the TV. I'm like, "Do these f*cking things have goals?" [laughter] And the f*cking robot just answers. He just goes… uh… He goes, "What are your goals?" And the robot goes, "To become smarter than human beings." Yeah! And the reporter just blows by it. He's like, "Okay, and what's your favorite color?" [laughter] Meanwhile, I'm standing on my bed, yelling at the TV, like, "Dude, unplug that f*cking thing! Take the batteries out! Pull the wire… Pull the wires out! Do something! How many sci-fi movies do you have to see before you realize where this is going?"
So, anyways, every smart person, every super-smart person in the world is saying these f*cking things are gonna kill us. Even your boy here, he recently died. What was his name? He was always sitting down.
[man] Hawking!
[laughter] Hawking, Stephen Hawking, yeah! Too good to f*cking stand up and make his point, just sitting down, all f*cking smarmy. [chuckles] "Oh, I care so much, I poured ice on myself! Um… And I showed off my abs at the same time for the Gram!"
No, I'm just f*cking with you. I am so glad that guy's f*cking dead, though. You know? [laughter] Look at you guys. How much longer did you want him to suffer? You don't believe in an afterlife? Maybe he's up there now, his f*cking legs work, he's getting an angelic blow job. How much longer did you want him to f*cking sit there so you could feel better about yourself? "Well, at least I'm not all f*cking twisted up, saying smart sh!t," right? I couldn't f*cking stand that guy. He was so f*cking negative! He never had anything positive to say. "Hey, Steve, what have you got for us today?" "In 2035, there will be no more apples." "Thank you, Steve! Thanks a lot. Wasn't thinking about that, now I am. Hey, so what's the solution?" "It's too late. We needed to try 40 years ago." "Thanks a lot, buddy. I'm gonna go cry with my child now." Dude, I could hang out with that guy for about three minutes before I took the brake off his chair and just zoomed him into the other room. [laughter] "Hey, Steve, come back here when you got something dumb and positive to say."
Yeah. Well, listen, I agreed with all of these super-smart people thinking that these f*cking robots were gonna kill us. Right? I agreed with all of that sh!t until, a couple of years ago, I was in New York, and I was looking through a newspaper, right? And I have a whole new f*cking theory. But in order for me to tell you my theory, I have to quickly take you back to the deep, dark, sordid history of the blow-up doll. All right? I know there's a lot of millennials here, young people. You probably don't even know what one of these is, all right? With your f*cking… I don't know what you guys do, your virtual reality glasses, you know, f*cking free porn flying by. You're grabbing titties, whatever. Whatever it is you do. Right? [laughter] Back in the day, this was the deal. If you were a person and you wanted to have sex with somebody else, but, like, nobody else wanted to have sex with you… and, you know, you weren't strong enough to hold anybody down, I mean… [laughter] You had to go… You had to… That's how it was! You had to go out, and you had to get a blow-up doll. And you had to f*cking go out and get it. You had to f*cking go out and get it. All right? You couldn't just order it off of an Amazon and some delivery guy shows up. He doesn't know what's in the box. You're standing there like Tom Hanks, "Hey, how you doing? Great to see you!" [chuckles] "I'm gonna f*ck that, and you have no idea what it is!" [laughter] No. Dude, you had to go down, and you had to f*cking get this thing. You had to find a porno store. You had to work it out that it was far enough away from your house that no one's gonna recognize your car. You drive down at, like, 11 in the morning. Who the f*ck is gonna be there then, right? You park in the back on, like, a Tuesday, just sitting there in the car, psyching yourself up. [exhaling] "Okay, I'm not hurting anybody. It's just an urge. Just get in there, okay? Hand him the money, just get in there and get it done!" You yank your hat down. You f*cking walk in with all your courage. Then you get in there, there'd be too many other perverts in there, and you get all psyched out. So what you do is you just grab a bunch of videotapes, and you walked up to the counter. And you had to make it look like it was an impulse buy, right? And you're walking up, and everything, all the creepy sh!t, was behind the counter, right? Just f*cking heads and feet, just an ass, body parts. Serial killer buffet. "What f*cking world am I entering? Oh, my God, somebody's f*cking a neck? Jesus Christ!" Right? And you set it down. Just make it look real subtle. "Okay, buddy, is that gonna be all?" "Uh, yeah, no, maybe that thing down the end with the surprised look on its face. Maybe I'd like to take a shot at that. I don't know."
The guy wraps it up, you finally get it. You give him the money. You f*cking run out to the car. You have this whole weird emotion. You're, like, excited and you hate yourself. "Thank God, I finally did it! What the f*ck is wrong with me?" And just drive off. You go back to your little sh!tty f*cking apartment, and you had to blow it up quietly so none of your neighbors heard. Just like… [blowing] Then you got excited, started going a little faster. And just watching this thing slowly coming to life, just like… [laughter] [applause] Right? And then you'd wrap those rubber legs around you. [screams] And God forbid you got caught. Your roommate comes walking in, "He's f*cking a blow-up doll!" Dude, your life was over! You had, like, six minutes to get your mom on the phone. "Mom, I love you, and you're never gonna see me again! Don't believe what people said about me! I'm so sorry! I'm going to Alaska! Oh, God, God!" Click. That was it. You moved to Alaska. No one ever saw you again. And that's why, to this day, if you go to Alaska, there's, like, eight men for every two women. Yeah, 'cause that state is littered with men who got caught f*cking sh!t they shouldn't have been f*cking. [laughter]
So, now, fast-forward to about 2016, I'm in New York City, right? And I'm looking through the newspaper, whatever, and I come across an article, and it's on this robot that, for $10,000, you buy this thing, you can have sex with it. Right? Now, notice, five minutes ago, I brought up a blow-up doll. Didn't even have a joke, just said "blow-up doll" and you all laughed. Ha ha ha ha. A blow-up doll. "Who would do such a stupid thing?" Right? "That's weird." Five minutes later, I say, "A robot that you can have sex with," dead silence in here. [laughter] As if, collectively, you were all just like, "Well… [laughter] What does it look like?" I'm not gonna lie to you. It still looks like a dead body, but it looks way f*cking better… than that blow-up doll from 30 years ago.
And that's what scares me. Because everything gets better. Right? You look at when cars first came out, the stupid horn… Ah-oo-ga. You had to crank-start it, you'd run over your best friend. Now you can start one up with a remote control from, like, 50 yards away. Right? Remember when airbags first came out? They just had one for the driver. [squeals] Ah! "My family! [laughter] [sobs] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Why would you just save me?" [laughter] And then, eventually, they got airbags for everybody.
Well, these robot sex dolls are gonna be no different. Okay? They're just gonna keep getting better and better and better, and these f*cking nerds are not gonna be making any regular-looking robot dolls, right? You know, some girl next door, you know, just some plain Jane, the chick your mom likes, being like, "Well, there's a nice girl you could settle down with. She knows how to cook." F*ck that. They're gonna make Victoria's Secret supermodels, just absolute, like, Paris runway-looking supermodels, and you're gonna come home to one of these things and it's gonna laugh at all your jokes. [robotic laughing] It's gonna sit down and watch the game with you, like, "It doesn't get any better than this. Yes, it does!" Ah! Ah! Ah! And it's gonna get up and make you a f*cking, I don't know, Bundt cake or a meat pie, whatever the f*ck you people eat, right? [laughter] There's not gonna be a human woman in here that's gonna be able to compete with that… for longer than 90 minutes, even on your birthday! By the third trip to the fridge, she'll be like, "F*cking get it yourself! What am I, your slave? Go f*ck yourself!" And after you've been with one of these robots, like, sex dolls, you're not gonna be able to go back to a real woman. Right, with all her hopes and dreams… and her needs. You're gonna be coming home. She's like, "What is going on with you? We're not connecting. We need a date night." All you'll be thinking is, like, "How do I shut this f*cking thing off? What, is it on nagging mode? Why isn't it blowing me right now? I clearly entered the room. I entered the room. It's supposed to drop to its knees and blow me. I don't understand." Yeah, like, your ego is gonna be at, like, a dictator level. Like, "Me and my man tits have arrived! Service me! Say that I am your lord!"
Yeah, that's it. You're not gonna be able to go back to a real woman, and then nobody's gonna be f*cking women, so they're gonna get lonely, so they'll have to create a doll for you guys, right? A giant f*cking… I don't know what you guys are into. I don't pretend to know. Like, some giant Brad Pitt-looking f*cking robot doll, f*cking eight-pack abs, a robot d!ck down to the floor. You know? Holds both your hands when you tell a story. All right? [laughter and applause] Whatever you're into! Opens a bottle of wine at 12 noon. "It's got to be five o'clock somewhere." [robotic laughing]
Yeah. I think they're gonna f*ck us into extinction. 'Cause at that point, the only people left having sex with other human beings are gonna be hipsters and the homeless. Right? Because hipsters, they love all the old sh!t, right? Cassette tapes, Frisbees, dressing like a cobbler… Whatever the f*ck it is they're doing, right? But even a homeless guy, you know, after, like, I don't know, a couple of years, he'll be able to drag some old, one-legged, f*cked-out robot model out of the trash, drag it back to its lair. That thing will still be building him up, you know, just laying there, like, "I don't think you smell that bad." [robotic laughing] "This is my favorite bridge." [robotic laughing]
Yeah. And we're all gonna f*cking die off, and what's gonna be left to fight these robots off is gonna be an entire generation of hipster spawn. Yeah! And they're gonna go to war ironically. [laughter] Yeah. Dressing… Dressed like… I don't know, f*cking growing Civil War beards, dressing like Star Wars action figures, and they are gonna get f*cking slaughtered! And right when they get down to the last 30, there's gonna be a liberal robot going like, "We should save a few for posterity." Right? And they're just gonna stick them in a zoo… and be this little hodgepodge of what was left. You know, black, white, Latin, Asian, gay, straight, trans, whatever. Whatever the f*ck, right? And they're still gonna be arguing with each other. The robots will just be standing outside, going, "I love it when they cross their legs." [laughs robotically] [laughs]
Yeah. And this is the f*cking world that I brought my daughter into. Like, I actually… am legitimately scared about them. I don't know. I gotta tell you, though, becoming a dad was the greatest… is the greatest f*cking thing that ever happened to me. It really is. I don't have any jokes about my kid. No, it is.
And you're applauding my wife. She did all the work. Yeah. Yeah, knocking a woman up, that's easy. You just have fun. You… Unprotected sex, bam, you knock them up, and then they have to deal with it. You know? No matter how much they try to drag you into it, it really is, it's their show. You know? I always say my wife… When my wife was pregnant, I'd say, "My wife, you know, she's pregnant." Then I have these people like, "Excuse me, you're supposed to say, 'We're pregnant.' You're supposed to say, 'We're pregnant.'" It's like, "Well, I'm not a seahorse, so I'm not f*cking pregnant." My wife is pregnant. She's putting on weight, her feet are swelling up. You know, she's miserable. F*cking miserable. I'm still doing pull-ups. I'm crushing it while being pregnant. I'm still drinking, smoking, yeah. [chuckles]
No, the only thing that sucked was I had to get rid of my dog. Yeah. Had to find her a new home. Well, I finally had to admit that she was f*cking crazy. I got a crazy rescue dog and, uh, yeah, it was one of these f*cking dogs, man. It tried to kill both of my parents. It tried to kill my father-in-law. It bit one of my friends. I'd have family come over, friends or whatever, we'd have to stick it in the back room, like, lock the door. For the first hour, it'd just be throwing itself up against the door. "I'll f*cking kill all you motherf*ckers! I'll kill all you motherf*ckers!" Looking under the door, "I can see your feet! I know what you smell like! I'll follow you home. I'll find you. I'll f*cking kill all of you!" And we were just in total denial, like, "No, she's just a little, you know, a little scared… 'cause she was abused." And we got, like, a trainer and all of that sh!t, and he finally said, "Listen, man, this is one of these dogs nature said no to, but people said yes to." So I'm like, "Jesus Christ, you could've told me that 10,000 f*cking dollars ago!" You know? So now my wife, she's five months pregnant, she's six months, seven, eight months pregnant. It's just the f*cking… this thing just hanging over my head, and finally I said to my wife, "We gotta do something about this." I'm not gonna be this guy in the news, being like, "Well, you know, uh, the dog loved me and my wife, so I figured it'd be all right to let it sleep near the bassinet. And, well, you can imagine my surprise the next morning…" Yeah. I wasn't gonna be that guy in the news whose dog ate his baby. Right? I gotta get rid of this thing. So we called my trainer, and he goes, "All right, I'll take it." Okay, thank God they're not gonna put the dog down or anything like that, so I'm like, "Thank God." So he goes, "I'll come back in a week." And it was very sad because we both loved this dog, like, with all our hearts, right? And what amazed me, though, was over that week, the way my wife handled grief versus me. It was so mature. She just, like, took it on. I just went into denial. I was just like, "Well, I'm not giving it away tomorrow, so I'm not gonna think about it." And I just called the dog up on the bed, started petting her and lashing out at people for no f*cking reason. Right? My wife just went into the bathroom that night. She was brushing her teeth. I could just hear her quietly crying. [weeping] I swear to God, I was on the bed, and I literally… I got mad at her. I didn't yell at her. Just… I had it just internal, you know? And I was just thinking, like, "Why is she having the proper emotion in this f*cking moment? Why isn't she just blocking it out the f*cking way I am?" Right? "Just don't deal with it till you f*cking give it away, and then just start yelling at people. The way I do." Right? That's what we did. I blocked it out, and every night, she would cry a bit more. The whole week… [weeping] Till the night before, she's like… [sobs loudly] Right? And what I didn't realize was she had cried herself into acceptance. And meanwhile, my emotions were still at the starting line. And there's a knock at the door, and she goes, "Okay, he's here. Go get the dog." And I'm like, "Hey, Cleo!" And she popped her head up, and I saw her wagging her f*cking tail, and all of a sudden, eight years of conditional love all started bubbling up, and I was like, "Oh, f*ck, not now! Not now!" So I just pushed it down. [grunts] I just walked at her like some weird game show host. "Hey, how are you? I'm smiling for no reason, all right? Now we're going for a walk. I'm just gonna say what we're doing so I don't think about what I'm feeling." And I just walked out, handed the leash to the new owner, pet her on the head, didn't even look her in the eye, 'cause I knew I couldn't, and just turned around and walked away from something that I had loved more than I had loved anything in my life up to that point. Don't tell my wife. All right? [laughter]
Then I come back into the house. She's just looking at me. She knows I'm out of my f*cking mind. She's like, "Are you okay? Everything all right? Wanna talk about it? We could go get something to eat?" I'm like, "No, I'm fine. Sometimes, you have to be up here and think logical, and not be in your heart. I'm just gonna go into the bathroom for a second." And I went in, and I closed the door, and for 0.8 seconds, cried like a little boy, before I put the lid back on the jar. Fastened it back and just added it to the shelf of anger that sits in every man's chest. Yeah.
And I couldn't help but wonder in that moment who that I love in my life is gonna pay for that in the future. [laughter] Like, where am I gonna be? Family reunion, Bed Bath & Beyond… "How many f*cking towels do we need? Jesus Christ, it's a f*cking sickness with you!" "Where is this coming from? I just don't understand where this is coming from."
Listen, you guys are so awesome. Thank you so much for coming out. I had a great time. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Seriously, thank you, guys, so much. It's been the best two days of my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good night!
[cheering continues]
More: Bill Burr, Stand-up transcripts


text:
Home News by type Business Support Michelle Mone in Cornwall
Michelle Mone in Cornwall
Michelle Mone at Pool Innovation Centre
Leading businesswomen Michelle Mone OBE continued the Government review into supporting entrepreneurship in disadvantaged communities today (September 7) with a visit to Pool Innovation Centre.
Mone met local entrepreneurs at the Pool Innovation Centre who have set up a business in the area, ranging from video analysis, wedding and event planning, energy efficiency, marketing, and sports equipment.
She then went on to Penzance to meet people who have set up businesses with help from the Government's New Enterprise Allowance (NEA) scheme.
She said: "There's a strong spirit of entrepreneurship in the south west, with half a million businesses in the region, which is why I'm looking forward to visiting the region to meet jobseekers, employers and staff delivering the New Enterprise Allowance.
"I am travelling across the country learning about the barriers people face in setting up their own businesses. I want to talk to as many people as possible to explore what changes are needed so people from all backgrounds and of all ages can be successful entrepreneurs."
Sandra Rothwell, chief executive of the Cornwall and Isles of Scilly Local Enterprise Partnership, added: "Entrepreneurs are the lifeblood of a small business economy like ours and it's vital that people have the opportunity to turn great ideas into thriving businesses, regardless of background. We've been able to share with Michelle some of our success stories in Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly and explore the barriers to starting a business in a disadvantaged area which we hope will inform her review."
Mone has been asked to draw on her own experiences of setting up and running her own successful businesses for a review that will make recommendations to Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith and Business Secretary Sajid Javid in 2016.
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cornwall and isles of scilly local enterprise partnership
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Immersing yourself or your child in arts and educational programming is a great way to lead a more fulfilling and enriching life. Whether it's improving your existing skills or learning a new one, the KROC Center can help you reach your full potential. Our state-of-the-art facility offers many programs and classes designed to discover your gifts, develop your talent and facilitate life-long learning for children and adults.
The KROC Center's educational programs aim to provide the South Mountain community with meaningful opportunities to grow and develop.
The Kroc Center has partnered with the Arizona State University chapter of the America Reads Program. We offer two programs to assist students at K–5th grade and Middle School levels to master targets of the Arizona Department of Education's Common Core Standards. Children at the elementary school level receive tutoring in the areas of reading, writing, and math. Middle school level participants receive additional training to increase college readiness and one-on-one tutoring. Students participate in educational activities built specifically for them, while collaborating with peers on various projects throughout the year. Space is limited.
LEGO Education 'WeDo' software and curriculum enables students to work as young scientists, engineers, mathematicians, and creative writers by providing them with the settings, tools and tasks for completing cross-curricular projects. These programs assist students in developing 21st century skills.
It's time to learn basics of cooking and how to survive in the kitchen. This fun class teaches you how to gather ingredients, measure and the basics of creating simple meals at home. Preparing, serving and clean-up will also be covered. This class is fun and delicious.
Delta Academy prepares young females 11 to 18 years old for success in academics, self-esteem, and prepares them for full participation as leaders in the 21st Century. Providing an opportunity for Phoenix Metropolitan Alumnae Chapter to enrich and enhance the education of our young teens. We support with their scholarship in math, science, and technology, their opportunities to provide service in the form of leadership through service learning defined as the cultivation and maintenance of relationships.
The Kroc Center has partnered with Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity to present this mentorship program for young men of all backgrounds. Mentees are provided the tools needed to develop the strengths they already have, in order to best contribute to their home and community. Participants will learn the importance of leadership, academic achievement, career preparedness, social skills, and fundamental political understanding.


text:
Q: How to build a dynamic menu Hey I new using jsf so I want to build a dynamic  menu with items loaded from database but I'm not sure what functions do I need or how to construct the backing bean for the menu. I already have the database create and three tables Rol, User, Rol x User, Items. Also what will be good attributes for the item table??.

A: Each Rol should have Items so you need an extra table ItemsXRol i would choose this columns for Item : id, label, url, tooltip, father_item, level something like that, of course you should choose your columns in order to fill your needs.
Then to create the menu dynamically getting the items from the db using Primefaces you can use a MenuModel object.
//MenuBean
 model = new DefaultMenuModel();

    //First submenu
    DefaultSubMenu firstSubmenu = new DefaultSubMenu("Dynamic Submenu");

    DefaultMenuItem item = new DefaultMenuItem("External");
    item.setUrl("http://www.primefaces.org");
    item.setIcon("ui-icon-home");
    firstSubmenu.addElement(item);

    model.addElement(firstSubmenu);

    //Second submenu
    ...

And in the .xhtml file you put something like this:
<p:menu model="#{menuBean.model}"/>

But to generate the menu getting values from the database you can use a DAO to get the MenuItems from your entity.
If your menu has a n-level format it could become handy a recursive method to generate the MenuModel in which you have to iterate over your Items to create the 1st level menus and then recursively the childs of each father.
If you want to read more about MenuModel go to https://www.primefaces.org/showcase/ui/menu/menu.xhtml

A: Primefaces provide you a programmatic way to dynamically build your menu using org.primefaces.model.menu.* classes. Use a MenuModel in your managed bean and reference it on your facelet page. Example:
public class MenuBean {

    private MenuModel model;

    public MenuBean() {
        // Build your menu here
    }

    // Gets and sets
}

And on your facelet:
<p:menu model="#{menuBean.model}"/>

Further details:
http://www.primefaces.org/showcase/ui/menu.jsf

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


precisely identify the data network in use, and it grants access for regular operation.
Why can't I set up a PIN Code for security?
A SIM PIN is for securing a lost mobile device in the first place. Without knowing the PIN Code you can not use the device at all. The built-in bus equipment might not be lost, so there is no need for setting up a PIN. Actually, it would just cause unnecessary inconvenience every time you switch the device on.
How do I playback movies/music/photos via USB?
Is it possible to playback movies on mobile devices from USB?
Unfortunately, this is not an option. Our device can display individual contents from the USB drive on the built-in monitor(s) of the bus only. If you would like to grant access to it via mobile devices as well, we suggest that you contact us on performing content update procedures.
Can the preloaded movies be copied?
No, it is absolutely not possible to make copies of the preloaded movies from the device. Contents can not be accessed or copied, not even after removing (or destroying) the drive. On smart devices you can watch the preordered and preloaded movies only due to Digital Rights Management (DRM) regulations on legally protected digital contents.
Can I upload movies by myself?
We provide coded materials that you can upload from a USB data storage device.
Upon ordering we install a questionnaire template of your choice to the bus' server, and provide an exclusive access to it. With your personal access code you can either look into answers in detail or browse in cumulated data.
WiFi password can be changed within ATLAS 2 app through a passcode protected area. There you type the network name and password of your choice in the required fields, then you just reconnect to the WiFi network with the new name and password.
In case you forget the password, you will not be able to connect to the device through WiFi. However, we always store the latest password in the passcode protected area of ATLAS 2 application!
How do I turn off roaming?
By asking your mobile service provider to block data roaming.
By switching off internet access of the device in use manually.
Unfortunately, we can not provide automated blocking for the time being.
I can not playback movies. What may cause the problem?
Check if ATLAS device is on.
Check if WiFi function is enabled on your mobile/tablet, and it is connected to one of the ATLAS or IB WiFi products installed in the bus.
If you have made sure of the above but the application still won't work, please quit from the app, close the app by the requirements of your device, then restart it after a few seconds.


text:
package com.intellij.java.codeInsight.daemon.quickFix;

import com.intellij.codeInsight.daemon.quickFix.LightQuickFixParameterizedTestCase;
import com.intellij.codeInspection.LocalInspectionTool;
import com.intellij.codeInspection.RedundantLambdaCodeBlockInspection;
import org.jetbrains.annotations.NotNull;

public class RedundantLambdaCodeBlockInspectionTest extends LightQuickFixParameterizedTestCase {
  @Override
  protected LocalInspectionTool @NotNull [] configureLocalInspectionTools() {
    return new LocalInspectionTool[]{
      new RedundantLambdaCodeBlockInspection(),
    };
  }

  @Override
  protected String getBasePath() {
    return "/codeInsight/daemonCodeAnalyzer/quickFix/lambdaCodeBlock2Expr";
  }
}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


Maxim Evaporators, LLC will be exhibiting at SNAME 2011 in Houston, TX on November 16th through November 18th. We will be located in Booth #517. We hope you will take a moment to visit Maxim Evaporators and talk with us about how heat recovery evaporators are simple, reliable, and energy efficient. Our units are the most environmentally friendly desalination technology available. Utilizing waste heat boils down to economics. We hope to see you at SNAME 2011.


I was so excited to meet up with Katie in Sheffield to take some photos of her and her bump. I met Katie quite a while ago at an agency party, and I've always admired her photography, business work and general outlook on life. She's super inspirational.


text:
Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long
Author(s): David Rock
Meet Emily and Paul: The parents of two young children, Emily is the newly promoted VP of Marketing at a large corporation while Paul works from home or from clients' offices as an independent IT consultant. Their lives, like all of ours, are filled with a bewildering blizzard of emails, phone calls, meetings, projects, proposals, and plans. Just staying ahead of the storm has become a seemingly insurmountable task. We travel inside their brains as they attempt to sort vast quantities of information, prioritize it, memorize it, and act on it. Fortunately for Emily and Paul, they're in good hands: David Rock knows how the brain works-and more specifically, how it works in a work setting. He shows how it's possible for Emily and Paul, and thus the reader, not only to survive in today's overwhelming work environment but succeed in it - and still feel energized and accomplished at the end of the day. "The Brain at Work" explores such issues as: why our brains feel so taxed, and how to maximize our mental resources; why changing behavior is so difficult - and how to make it less so; why focusing on problems doesn't seem to create the desired change; how concentration and focus change the brain, and how to maintain energy and productivity at work; why providing critical feedback is so difficult, and how to make it easier; how corporate/office culture is formed and can most effectively be altered.
"Rock makes the science of your mind accessible and relevant." -- Daniel Akst, Fortune Small Business
David Rock is a leadership coach and public speaker who advises corporations around the world. The author of Quiet Leadership and Personal Best, he is the CEO of Results Coaching Systems, a leading global consulting and coaching organization. He is on the advisory board of the international business school CIMBA and the cofounder of the NeuroLeadership Summit and Institute.
Publisher : HarperCollins Publishers
Imprint : HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Produced in : United States
Author : David Rock
Edition : 11-Sep
Reading Level : General Adult
Library of Con LOCSH : 2009018883


Tearable Zine Vol 2 "Signs of the Times"
The second volume of the Tearable Zine! This volume is a collection of curated political protest puns. It's a limited edition of 25 and is a monthly publication of perforated puns (you see what I did there?). Each volume has its own theme full of clever illustrations and puns you can rip out of the book and display or share however you please. The zine is 8.5x5.5" and printed in the US.
The zine comes with a 5x5" limited edition black and yellow handmade RESIST print. Due to the fact that each print is handmade, subtle variations may occur.


text:
San Joaquin Valley CollegeConstruction Management
The Art Institute OnlineKitchen & Bath Design - AS
Ashworth CollegeVocational High School - Skilled Trade Diploma
Carpentry Schools in Utah
There are five schools in the state of Utah offering carpentry programs. In 2010, 51 students graduated with degrees from Utah carpentry schools. 41 of all these students graduated with certificates and ten of all these students graduated with associates degrees.
On average, 52 students graduate from carpentry programs in this state per year. This accounts for 1% of students who schools in the United States graduate from carpentry programs. Specifically, 41 students graduated with carpentry certificates and ten with an associate's level degree.
Five carpentry schools are in Utah. Out of these, five schools are public. Tuition at a public carpentry school varies from $1,300 to $2,932.
Average tuition for carpentry programs is $2,457. The highest tuition for carpentry programs, which is $2,932 each year, is at Salt Lake Community College, while the lowest tuition in Utah is at Uintah Basin Applied Technology College.
Carpentry schools in this state offer certificates and associates degrees.
Carpentry Program Completions in Utah 2006 - 2010
Carpentry Program Availability in Utah
Schools in this mountain state offer a total of five programs in carpentry. Of these programs, about 60% are programs at the certificate level. The remaining programs are degrees at the associates level.
Helpers--Carpenters — Salary by Percentile
Furniture Finishers — Salary by Percentile
Carpenters — Salary by Percentile
Cabinetmakers and Bench Carpenters — Salary by Percentile
Helpers--Carpenters — Employment Trend
Furniture Finishers — Employment Trend
Carpenters — Employment Trend
Cabinetmakers and Bench Carpenters — Employment Trend
Total Employed 2006: 12770
Utah vs National Carpentry Employment
Employed in Utah: 1.249% (9580)
Nearby Cities Offering Carpentry
Carpentry Schools in Taylorsville, Utah
Two carpentry schools are located in Taylorsville, UT. Two schools are public. Tuition at a public carpentry school varies from $1,627 to $2,932. Carpentry Schools in Taylorsville, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Layton, Utah
There are three schools located by Layton, UT offering carpentry programs. In 2010, 21 students graduated with degrees from Layton carpentry schools. 13 of all these students graduated with certificates. Carpentry Schools in Layton, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Murray, Utah
The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees decreased by about 34.5% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students dropped by 16 students. The number of students which certificate programs graduate climbed by six students. Carpentry Schools in Murray, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Bountiful, Utah
Carpentry schools in Bountiful, UT offer certificates and associates degrees. 11 students graduated with carpentry certificates. Eight students graduated with an associate's level degree in carpentry. Carpentry Schools in Bountiful, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Cottonwood Heights, Utah
11 students graduated with carpentry certificates. Eight students graduated with a degree in carpentry at the associate's level. The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees dropped by approximately 34.5% from 2008 to 2010. Carpentry Schools in Cottonwood Heights, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Orem, Utah
In 2010, eight students graduated with an associate's level carpentry degree. The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees decreased by approximately 66% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students decreased by 16 students. Carpentry Schools in Orem, Utah
Carpentry Schools in South Jordan, Utah
Schools in South Jordan, UT offer certificates and associates degrees for students pursing carpentry. 11 students graduated with carpentry certificates. Eight students graduated with a carpentry degree at the associate's level. Carpentry Schools in South Jordan, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Draper, Utah
Salt Lake Community College offers associates degrees for carpentry students. In 2010, eight students graduated with a degree in carpentry at the associate's level. The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees dropped by about 66% from 2008 to 2010. Carpentry Schools in Draper, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Roosevelt, Utah
Uintah Basin Applied Technology College offers certificates for students pursing carpentry. In 2010, 28 students graduated with certificates in carpentry. The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees went up by 40% from 2008 to 2010. Carpentry Schools in Roosevelt, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Logan, Utah
On average, 11 students graduate from programs in Logan, UT in carpentry every year. This accounts for about 31% of carpentry students who Utah schools graduate. 13 students graduated with carpentry certificates in 2010. Carpentry Schools in Logan, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Riverton, Utah
The number of students who graduated with degrees in carpentry decreased by around 66% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students decreased by 16 students. Salt Lake Community College offers a total of one carpentry program. Carpentry Schools in Riverton, Utah
Carpentry Schools in West Valley City, Utah
West Valley City schools offer a total of two carpentry programs. Of these programs, around 50% are certificate level programs. The remaining programs are degrees at the associates level. Carpentry Schools in West Valley City, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Ogden, Utah
The number of students who graduated with degrees in carpentry went down by approximately 36.4% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students dropped by 16 students. The number of students which certificate programs graduate increased by four students. Carpentry Schools in Ogden, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Lehi, Utah
16 students graduate from programs in Lehi, UT in carpentry, on average, every year. This accounts for around 80% of students who schools in the state of Utah graduate from carpentry programs. Eight students graduated with a carpentry degree at the associate's level in 2010. Carpentry Schools in Lehi, Utah
Carpentry Schools in St. George, Utah
On average, one student graduates from carpentry programs in St. George, UT per year. This accounts for about 20% of students who Utah schools graduate from carpentry programs. Two students graduated with an associate's level carpentry degree in 2010. Carpentry Schools in St. George, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Roy, Utah
Three carpentry schools are in Roy, UT. Three schools are public. Public carpentry school tuition varies from $1,627 to $2,932. Carpentry Schools in Roy, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Provo, Utah
The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees dropped by approximately 66% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students dropped by 16 students. Salt Lake Community College offers a total of one carpentry program. Carpentry Schools in Provo, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Sandy, Utah
Average tuition for carpentry programs is $2,620. The highest tuition for programs in carpentry is at Salt Lake Community College. The highest tuition for training in carpentry is $2,932 every year. Carpentry Schools in Sandy, Utah
Carpentry Schools in West Jordan, Utah
There are two schools conveniently located near West Jordan, UT offering carpentry programs. In 2010, 19 students graduated from programs at West Jordan carpentry schools. 11 of all these students graduated with certificates. Carpentry Schools in West Jordan, Utah
Carpentry Schools in Salt Lake City, Utah
There are two schools near Salt Lake City, UT offering carpentry programs. In 2010, 19 students graduated with degrees from Salt Lake City carpentry schools. 11 of all these students graduated with certificates. Carpentry Schools in Salt Lake City, Utah
Nearby States Offering Carpentry
Carpentry Schools in Arizona
Schools in the state of Arizona offer a total of nine programs in carpentry. Of these programs, 77.8% are programs at the certificate level. The remaining programs are degrees at the associates level. Carpentry Schools in Arizona
Carpentry Schools in Colorado
104 students graduated with certificates in carpentry in 2010. The number of students who graduated with carpentry degrees went up by around 46.5% from 2008 to 2010. The number of students which certificate programs graduate increased by 33 students. Carpentry Schools in Colorado
Carpentry Schools in Idaho
Idaho schools offer a total of three carpentry programs. Of these programs, about 66% are associate's level programs. The remaining programs are certificates. Carpentry Schools in Idaho
Carpentry Schools in Nevada
Three students graduated with certificates in carpentry. One student graduated with an associate's level carpentry degree. In particular, the number of undergraduate students went up by one student. Carpentry Schools in Nevada
Carpentry Schools in New Mexico
Six carpentry schools are located in the state of New Mexico. Six schools are public. Tuition at a public carpentry school varies from $1,032 to $1,845. Carpentry Schools in New Mexico
Carpentry Schools in Wyoming
Five students graduated with carpentry certificates. The number of students who graduated with degrees in carpentry dropped by about 86.8% from 2008 to 2010. The number of students which certificate programs graduate dropped by 33 students. Carpentry Schools in Wyoming
Electrician Schools in Utah
The number of students who graduated with electrician degrees climbed by about 289.7% from 2008 to 2010. In particular, the number of undergraduate students increased by 12 students. The number of students which certificate programs graduate went up by 72 students. Electrician Schools in Utah
Forestry Schools in Utah
Utah State University offers bachelors degrees, masters degrees, and doctoral degrees for forestry students. Four students graduated with a degree in forestry at the bachelor's level. One student graduated with a degree in forestry at the master's level. Forestry Schools in Utah
HVAC Schools in Utah
The number of students who graduated with HVAC degrees went up by approximately 66% from 2008 to 2010. The number of students which certificate programs graduate increased by 12 students. Utah schools offer a total of four HVAC programs. HVAC Schools in Utah
Plumbing Schools in Utah
Four plumbing schools are located in the state of Utah. Four schools are public. Public plumbing school tuition varies from $388 to $3,410. Plumbing Schools in Utah
In the nation, there is only 1 school offering online carpentry degrees, to Utah students, at the following degree level:
There are 2 online carpentry programs available at this online carpentry school, through which Utah students have the ability of earning carpentry credentials. In 2010, the number of online carpentry school graduates from these programs was 12. Online Carpentry Schools
San Joaquin Valley College
The Art Institute Online
Kitchen & Bath Design - AS
Interior Design - BS
Ashworth College
Vocational High School - Skilled Trade Diploma
Penn Foster Career School
1. Bridgerland Applied Technology College
1301 North 600 West
Bridgerland Applied Technology College, which is 1.7 miles from the heart of downtown, is located in Logan, UT and it offers one carpentry program. This school is a public 2-year institution. This school is the second oldest institution in the state of Utah offering carpentry programs.
2. Uintah Basin Applied Technology College
1100 E Lagoon St 124-5
Roosevelt, UT 84066
Uintah Basin Applied Technology College is located in Roosevelt, Utah, where students can enjoy a rural setting. and it offers one program in carpentry. This technical college is one of 6 technical colleges in Utah. In terms of programs, this very small school is the third largest institution in the state of Utah offering carpentry.
3. Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College
200 N Washington Blvd
Ogden, UT 84404-4089
Ogden-Weber Applied Technology College is 2.8 miles from the heart of downtown and it offers one carpentry program. It is a public 2-year institution. This school is the third oldest institution in the state of Utah offering carpentry programs.
4. Salt Lake Community College
Salt Lake Community College offers one carpentry program and it is in the suburbs of Salt Lake City, Utah. This community college is a public 2-year institution. This college is the second oldest institution in the state of Utah offering carpentry programs.
5. Southern Utah University
351 West University Blvd
Cedar City, UT 84720
Southern Utah University is located in Cedar City, UT and SUU offers one program in carpentry. 8,024 students seek degrees in 89 programs at this school, overall. It is the second largest institution in the state of Utah offering carpentry in terms of programs.