As November intensifies, it can be easy to get hooked into the external events occurring. These pull you away from your center, causing additional stress, overwhelm, anger, and helplessness.
External reality reflects what is happening within.
In California, we see reflections of what is happening with humanity in the Earth's increase in heat, fires and more. Fire burns off the old, dismantling old structures once and for all so that the new can be created. It is a natural part of the cycles of nature.
How can we thrive as the fires burn within and without?
Understandably, the desire may be to close down, hide away, or to distract or protect yourself from any perceived threat, discomfort or pain. However, thriving means expansion, not contraction.
Right now, doing anything that opens your heart is key to opening to the immense opportunity presenting now for new creative ideas and solutions and for a quickening and ease in your awakening process.
Anything that has you experience ease, calm, trust, delight, joy, laughter or gratitude is what is called to make a priority.
As you go within and breathe into your heart, ask yourself what will open you more to love and light. Trust your answer, which may change moment to moment.
This can include assisting others in their challenges. It can feel overwhelming to read or watch the news of devastating events occurring, or see the pain your loved ones are experiencing. Breathe and trust that if there is an action for you to take, you will be guided toward it. This is not about over-extending yourself or depleting your energy. Sometimes your loving attention and open heart is all that is called for.
Each person has different things that light them up. Make those a priority. Release any distractions or things you are doing or surrounding yourself with out of guilt or perceived obligation.
You still have those things you care about, such as taking care of your family and going to work to support your home and financial needs, and you can indeed do those "shoulds" with a grateful open heart.
You have great challenges, whether with your physical body, finances, home life, relationships, emotions or mental chatter soaked in doubt, fear, anger, anxiety or overwhelm.
This is more reason to deliberately put self-care at the top of your to-do list.
Small caring actions in dedication to your soul's embodiment and service to the world impact all that you do. Anything that brings any sense of lightness that you can add in your day brings more light to humanity and Gaia.
If overwhelm, doubt or fear takes the driver's seat, know that in that moment you can stop and choose a different driver: your soul. It may guide you to eat differently, go out into nature, take a different viewpoint about a situation, try something new, watch a funny movie or video, listen to a song, or dance. It is often unreasonable and illogical.
Do not underestimate the power of what you once considered the least of your priorities. Even a few minutes of nurturing your heart can shift your entire day and add in light, ease, gratitude and joy to all that you do.
There is so much support for the new right now, and you can tap into all the creativity inside you by shifting your attention to the visions you have of a life and world that is filled with love, connection, abundance, care and joy. As you let yourself feel that in this now moment, you are guided more and more to any actions to take support that vision.
3rd dimensional consciousness just doesn't have the support it used to, so hanging onto how you thought life should look, what the rules were, creates more suffering.
Give yourself the gift of loving attention, inside and out, and call in all the support you need, seen and unseen, for your highest good, highest service, with grace and ease. Each time you consciously choose this, you wake up more into your multi-dimensional highest self, your soul, and into New Earth.
The urge to clear out my space has amplified over the past few weeks. Specifically, I have not just the urge to remove physical items from my home, but fleeting images of all my physical belongings suddenly disappearing, like due to a fire. That image thrills and excites me with a sense of freedom.
Clearing out space isn't just about physical possessions of course. It's the old stories, beliefs and judgments that no longer serve the highest outcome of the self and the collective. It's all those emotions that have been locked away or pushed aside, that we try hard not to let loose yet also can feel out of control of. We may judge them as negative (anxiety, fear, anger) and other times deem them socially inappropriate (bliss, high levels of love and enthusiasm, bursts of childlike joy). Clearing space includes detoxifying the physical body and the habits we have, in thought, word or action, that actually don't lift or light us up.
It could be overwhelming, but doesn't need to be, for each small change effects the whole. It's not a race or competition. All the information on how others are successfully shifting is meant to inspire you, meant for you to discern what you might want to add to your unique recipe of stepping into your highest expression of YOU.
Those judgments on how you and others live their lives, that you or they should be doing things better, differently, more or less, is one of the most important things being cleared out.
The last part of this year, 2018, is quite intense an offers a choice point in each moment. The collective is swinging toward the path of dark, of separation, fear, anger, hate and fighting opposing viewpoints. We start within and shift the collective by our example.
For me, I am called to be even more intentional. The dedication and alignment with my mission to be of service to the world is all day, every day. I set alarms on my phone to remind myself to re-align. I use the most basic practices I have throughout the day to reset into the highest expression of my true divine self and highest service. When I catch myself in old habits of thinking or acting, even consciously choosing to continue with that habit in the moment, I practice compassion and forgiveness.
These are challenging times, and the pull to the Dark Side is strong. However, the opening toward the Light is equally available, yet often more subtle. It is subtle because it is natural. Heaven on Earth is actually a deep experience and truth inside your heart of how things were always meant to be. It's uncomfortable, because you've gotten used to functioning in darkness and density, understanding how to navigate successfully (or at least survive) a world that is now crumbling (yippee!). New Earth reconnects us with our natural state as Divine Humans, living in unity with all of creation. The "new" is what we are creating together as natural co-creators in a reality of abundance and care for All.
In order to step into the new, the old must be released by your free will choice.
Whatever you are drawn to clear out, do it, NOW! It might be physical items in your home you aren't using, are in the back of the closet forgotten about, or that no longer align with who you are now. Clearing out will have you be able to see more clearly and let more light in.
There are many ways to bring in more light. Surround yourself with things that feed your soul and awakening.
Externally, take a look at what you see and hear. Does the music your listen to or the things you watch on the television or read on the internet fill you with love, joy, peace, compassion and gratitude? Are there any items in your home that bring you down when you see them, such as items you aren't using but think you "should"? Are there any foods you are eating that you sense don't fully support your body? Are there any people you connect with regularly that drain you consistently or that you don't feel fully supported by?
If you are reading this, you want to embody more Light and choose to create New Earth. It's time to be intentional and brave. Each of us tips the collective balance into the Light. You are needed, exactly as you are right now, with all those old habits in thought, word and action coming more strongly into your awareness because they are actually clearing out!
Use your ability to command and create. When you notice the pull to judge yourself or others, feel doubtful, hopeless, overwhelmed, anxious, angry or depressed, you have the birthright to choose a different path. You have free will, regardless of circumstance, to shift the way you feel and experience yourself and your life. Call in your multi-dimensional self, your Higher Self, your Divine team, your angels, your Galactic Family, Divine Mother and Father, Source. Call in Light, however you imagine it, crystalline diamond golden light, opening your fields and heart to the Light.
Spiritual practice does not need to be complex. Any moment you think of it, you can call in Light. You can place your hands on your heart and breathe in ease, bringing to mind someone you deeply love and appreciate. Just breathe. It only takes a minute.
Overwhelm is strong these days, and your awakening doesn't need to be yet another laundry list of things to do. Like clearing out the items or clutter in your home, it could be one item at a time, or a drawer or closet. Sure, it would be great if all that stuff just suddenly disappeared like in my imagined fire, but it doesn't usually work that way.
What clearing out does take is being intentional. The best time for this is upon waking. Whether you meditate, express gratitude, set your intention for the day, journal, do yoga, or pray, the short time you take in the morning is extremely powerful.
Things are shifting so very quickly now, and the desire to hold onto the old is amplified. Please, be compassionate with yourself and others and know we are all truly doing the best that we can.
It's often easier when a loved one is suffering due to an "external" circumstance: a car accident, a death of a loved one, illness, a job loss, unexpected financial burdens or some sort of stress caused in their external environment. Personally, I know that suffering is not caused from any situation or experience. Crappy things happen that don't feel good, yes. However, the suffering I am speaking of is not caused from situations, rather from our misinterpretations of the nature of reality and ourselves. You've surely heard many stories of people thriving, loving, laughing, connecting and feeling gratitude and peace in the most painful of situations, such as in concentration camps. Also, it is also in times of crisis that people shine out most, connecting with their community and families to love and support each other.
1. Your Loved One is a Master of Their Life.
No one knows better then your loved one how to traverse their own unique path. You can support them in remembering their own mastery. You can empower them by gifting them with their own path. They'll take your offer of support, help or advice, or they won't. It matters not, because it's not about you, it's about them. Your loving attention, your compassion, your belief in their ability to come through their suffering, is the most powerful support you can give them. If you reflect on your own life, you might notice that it was your greatest challenges that propelled you to rise up, grow, expand and learn. Don't you want the same for them? It's not easy to watch them suffer, especially when you can see the way out of suffering for them, yet this is the path they've chosen, and only they can walk it.
2. Forgive Them, They Know Not What They Do.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. This means you are willing to acknowledge that someone is absolutely doing the best they know how, given their state of consciousness at any given time. If you were in their mindset, you too, would behave and experience reality exactly as they are. This forgiveness is not about their actions, but about authentically feeling compassion for them, even if you completely disagree with their choices.
3. Give Your Full Attention.
Put away all distractions and just be present with your loved one. This means not only external distractions like your phone, but internal as well. With each passing year of our busy information age, focused attention is becoming more of a commodity. Listen more. Talk less. Your loved one may or may not want to feel better in the moment. Maybe they just want to vent and complain, and that outlet for their thoughts and feelings might be exactly what they need in the moment. Did they actually ask you for your advice or opinion? Notice your own thoughts while listening: are you analyzing, thinking how to fix their situation or judging them? Take a breath, drop into your heart, and simply give them your full loving attention. Often what someone needs when they're in a great challenge or crisis is to be comforted and loved.
Sometimes your own biggest stressor can be in response to a loved one in pain. While taking care of yourself isn't "number one" in this list, it may well be your most important move when it comes to supporting your loved one. Take time to notice your own response to the suffering of others. This could be a loved one, or something occurring locally or globally. Be honest with your own reactions, thoughts and feelings. Bring compassion and forgiveness to yourself as the witness of others suffering. When you feel stressed, you can only contribute so much to your loved ones. Do whatever you need to shine brightly. Your calm, peaceful and loving energy will be felt by others without you needing to do or say anything. Your heart-centered care gives you a clearer ability to use intelligent concern rather than feel reactive or stressed.
In trying to assist a loved one, it can be challenging to know what your best move is that will support them. Should you walk away, be positive and optimistic, agree with them, disagree with them, be gentle or a little rougher, help them, or have them do it on their own? There's no right answer, for each person needs support in different ways at different times. Not trusting your own choices certainly won't support them. Know that you are a loving, caring, powerful person and you, too, are doing the best that you can. That is more than enough!
Trusting yourself also means standing in your own truth. Your loved one doesn't have to agree with you, and you can be radically authentic in your own truth while being loving and compassionate at the same time. You don't need to compromise your beliefs in order to help others. If you know in you bones and heart that they can heal their bodies, find the perfect job or home, thrive and have their dreams come true, you can stay solid in your knowing despite their disagreement or proof that says otherwise. You don't need to argue your point or necessarily even say it aloud, but you also don't need to give it up. Holding your authentic vision is transformative and of great contribution.
There are many ways to energetically support a loved one, such as prayer, sending blessings, or using visualization techniques. Remember that they have their own free will, and your support is not forced upon them, taken only if their souls truly want it.
In a relaxed and calm state, imagine that your loved one has come through the other side of their challenge. Use your senses, sight, sound, feeling, to envision in the present moment their success and happiness. Notice, in the present moment, how they are feeling, talking and acting from this accomplishment. Notice how you feel witnessing their triumph and things working out for them. In alignment with their free will and the highest good of all, let that now go out into the universe to manifest, maybe even better than you could imagine on your own.
If you're the type of person (and most of us are!) who wants to fix other people's problems, this is a great way to use that desire without disempowering your loved one or feeling upset if they don't take your advice. We really are all connected, and your powerful ability to create can be used to shift the experience of others if this is truly what their own soul desires.
Know that your love is the greatest support you can give to your loved ones. Your unwavering love, the true greeting of Namaste, that love that sees the beauty and divine perfection of your beloved in all their moods, thoughts and reactions, contributes and transforms their suffering, whether you see evidence of that in the moment or not.
These updates are a description of my personal insights and experiences. We are all connected and in truth One Heart, so I share this with you to let you know what you are experiencing, in your unique way, is happening in the collective and that we are all in this together. All that you do truly serves all willing hearts and Gaia.
Things are heating up, literally and figuratively. Lion's gate occurs each year on August 8th, holding the energies of fire, lion and the number 8. It is an energy presenting that supports claiming your true heart and soul's empowerment. It can also bring up issues, especially in the 3rd chakra, around power struggles, the ego's need to control, and self-doubt.
There is so much support this month to release old habits that are outdated and no longer serve your soul's desire and mission. You know what these are, as when you notice them, you notice you are not uplifted, happy, peaceful or joyful when operating in them (or at least afterward).
You may be drawn to shift some habits, big or small. Cultivating a willingness to be honest with yourself, to notice these habits, notice the pull and draw of them, is a powerful shift in and of itself. It sort of feels like the pull of the Dark Side, the habit of interpreting things as bad and wrong the way they are, and then going into fear, complaint, anxiety, tension, helplessness or anger. You'll notice that the pull, while still presenting, loses its power, as staying committed to trusting Life, connecting to your divine nature, and reaching up to a higher vibration becomes more of the norm.
A different approach to those outdated habits, beliefs and thoughts is called for this month.
The ego is not something to control, for the need to control is the ego in action. Instead, know that whatever arises is actually presenting to be released from its false prison of separation back into the oneness of Light and Source. You can ease the ego's need to find problems and dangers by bringing those denser emotions, stress and upset (especially present in the Solar Plexus 3rd Chakra) into your heart. The ego wants safety, and truly your power lies in allowing your heart and soul, connected with Source, to embrace the part of you that still believes your are alone, outcast, unwanted, not enough, unsafe and unloved.
Simply be willing to try on that when upsetting feelings, actions or words occur in your reality from within or without, they are actually coming into the Light! They are being released. There is nowhere to get to but right here and now, and with your loving compassionate attention, breathing in ease and peace, all is truly well.
Forgiveness and compassion, like in July, are still on the table this month. These powerful practices naturally open the space for true gratitude and appreciation.
August is also a time of strong building energy of the "New You" presenting. Strange experiences around time may be occurring as timelines shift and offer new higher possibilities for yourself and the world. You may be feeling, with a sense of anticipation yet mystery, "Something is changing," "Something new is coming." Let go of the pressure of time and space that says to hurry up, or that a window of opportunity will close if you don't do something now. Instead, if you know the change you wish to experience, declare is already done, see it already done, and entrust it to the Universe to manifest even better than you could imagine alone. If you are uncertain of the changes ahead yet can feel them presenting, ask the Universe to guide and show you the way. Follow the guidance of your heart, even if scary, new and unknown.
Just because opportunities arise doesn't mean you need to take them. Check in with your heart and be honest with how you feel about what is being offered. Your emotional body and responses, when centered in connection with your heart and soul, can be trusted. Your willingness to face your old habits with loving attention and commitment to a higher timeline that serves the greatest good for all will call you into the new. The new may not be a huge change, such as in where you live, your career or your relationships. Any small change, seemingly insignificant even, shifts the whole.
Enjoy the mystery and pleasant surprise of unfolding in the new this month. Dedicate yourself to your highest vision and values, with an openness to experiencing new and unknown territory. As you do, the magical adventure of life grounds into being "normal", as you walk this earth in love, reverence and service to All – all of you, all of your experiences, Gaia, humanity, and all beings everywhere.
If drawn, use the energies of fire and water, the cleansing and transmuting energy available in both, such as the Violet Flame, being in water or near water.
As we approached the Lunar Eclipse last week, I knew that the boulders on the mountain a group of us planned to be on that day had something to share with me.
Walking up to a peak, I was feeling calm, enthusiastic and playful.
Sitting on one of the boulders, surrounded in redwood trees, I placed my hands on the boulder and closed my eyes. I was surprised to feel a very intense vibration coming from the boulder, that buzzing vibrating feel. I expected to feel a grounded, heavy, solid, strong and stable energy – you know, like a rock!
The boulder shared with me about the vulnerability of the earth.
"The vulnerability?" I thought. Sure, I've understood that we are all connected, that the earth herself is going through what we are, and how we affect the earth not just physically but also energetically. However, I had it that Gaia, a powerful amazing being, could take care of herself. She's already in fifth dimensional consciousness. If we'd just live more sustainably, she'll take care of her own healing.
After the boulder spoke, I was drawn to bring in light, to breathe into my heart and call forth pure divine light and send it and my love into this boulder and into the core of Gaia.
Almost immediately, the energy of the boulder shifted. No more buzzy vibration, but instead, it became calm, peaceful, solid and grounded.
This powerful experience reminds me that we very much have a responsibility as caretakers of our beloved Gaia.
Gaia is "at effect" of the consciousness of humanity. She is in the ever present now moment, and does not operate the same as we do in our consciousness. She lives in the natural truth of reality, while we use our free will to choose where our attention is, how we interpret reality and what reality we choose to live in moment by moment.
In these extremely intense and transformational times, it's easy to be pulled into the density of separation, scarcity, judgment and fear. When we ourselves are feeling the effect of that, be it anxiety, anger or other dense emotions (and taking them on as "truth" instead of just letting them flow through), we are giving this energy to the earth.
Want to have a pulse on humanity and the collective consciousness on the planet? You need only look to what is happening in nature. She's doing her best to "let off steam", such as through earthquakes, fires and volcanic activity. She's extremely strong, and also highly sensitive.
Being a caretaker of the earth means to tread lightly, in all ways. One way we can powerfully support our home is to literally bring in more light. This is the light of unconditional love, of Source, of deep compassion, care and peace.
Our bodies, too, are earth, so we may be drawn to consume lightly, be it in use of resources or in the way we eat.
Truly, love and light are our most powerful resources in co-creating New Earth. She needs us as much as we need her. With a willingness to merge and unify with her, to take personal responsibility for our world and reality, we become the stewards of our beloved home.
I had a flash not too long ago I'd like to share with you. You know those flashes – they're so profound when you get them, even if afterward they feel a little fuzzy or have been forgotten entirely. Then you remember you've heard it before, in various ways from various people. Nonetheless, you just got that flash in your heart, in your soul, in your bones. It's one thing to get it intellectually, it's another to embody it.
Getting that we are multi-dimensional beings and that everything is divine and connected (aka unity consciousness) are two important concepts and descriptions of 5th Dimensional Consciousness and New Earth.
Love and Light are keywords, so much so for me that I got them tattooed on my wrists to remind me of my Prime Directive.
I had been using Light as a tool, bringing in Light, sending out Light and blessings, connecting to Source through that ever present beam of divine Light connected between us and Source, and connecting to the heart of Gaia.
This year, I've been drawn to choosing to merge with Source and Gaia, to merge with my multi-dimensional nature, Higher Self, I Am presence – all of me. However, in the idea of "merging", I experienced a disconnect.
While I learned how to "run energy" in my late teens, basically bringing in Source light through the top of my head and grounding into the earth and bringing her energy up into me and cycling that light and energy through specific energy channels of the body, I never thought of it as unifying or merging. Things like workshops in non-duality, meditation, and deepening my understanding of unity consciousness led me to experiences of oneness, yes.
The word merging brought up for me those thoughts and subsequent feelings that I'm not enough and the thought, "Who am I to think I can merge with God and with Gaia?" As I've practiced my willingness and openness to merge, it's certainly become easier. Easier in the sense of feeling empowered inside enough to say, "Gaia, how can I better care for you today? Life, how may I serve you? God, please guide me today, to see you, hear you, feel you more clearly, to do your Will." In the past I'd asked these things, yet sometimes felt helpless, that not good enough feeling to even deserve that kind of clarity of my service or my mission. You know the feeling, "God, I pray, please help me, though I'm not sure I deserve it," feeling that powerlessness as a mere selfish human, at the effect of not-so-good experiences in yourself and in the world.
But there's been this sense of "never enough" present, that all that clearing and releasing will be unending. As I become more aware of those programs, thoughts, judgments or deep wounds, I'll notice there's still more. Even in the desire to love it all, to know All in Well and in divine order, all to be loved, there's the sense that my judgments, lack, fear, reactivity and habits that are "lower vibe and need to be seen and released" won't ever go away completely.
Furthermore, I can't count how many people, techniques or courses have made the promise of, "Do this and it will be gone forever…your problems, your doubts, your blocks, your habits etc." Or how many people I've heard or read about that seem to have "gotten rid" of those feelings, thoughts or problems forever.
New Earth and 5th dimensional consciousness does not change the dualistic nature of a physical universe, a physical earth. The nature of being human is that we have the ability to choose how we interpret and respond our experiences, where we place our consciousness. These experiences give us an opportunity to choose compassion, love, care, peace, trust, joy and service. In the consciousness of 5D, those more "3D" fears, doubts, and feelings of lack and separation aren't "gone", they just don't have power anymore, and are easier to move through because you are in a very different vantage point of those experiences.
Nature shows us the way. Are you overwhelmed with grief by witnessing the cycle of birth and death as a flower grows and then withers and dies? Are you appalled by the way animals hunt, kill and eat other, or fight to gain being alpha of the pack or to get their mate? Have you ever seen a petition or rally against stopping the earth's earthquakes or volcanoes? Unless you put human labels on nature's way, it is just the nature of the circle of life. So, too, are all parts of you and your experiences, just cycles and experiences. Not good nor bad, but all to be chosen as reason to lift up into the Light of seeing all as Divine, all to be loved, respected, held with deep compassion and brought into that Light.
That FLASH about merging felt so good because I got that those things coming up, the wounds, the judgments, the pain, aren't "supposed" to go away. It matters not. What allows that Light to come in is getting my own unity consciousness, that all of me is whole, interconnected and One with All.
One with ALL INSIDE ME.
There's no "clearing it out" really, it's all just metaphors and ways to make the ride easier and more fun. It's more about transformation than clear-cutting, though sometimes it can look that way when the fire inside burns down the forest (or external things in your life) so the phoenix (True Divine You!) can rise from the ashes.
I can include all of me in 5D. That includes me in all dimensions, which includes the doubtful me, judgmental me, "bad habits" me, anxious me or angry me. Striving to be a loving, kind and caring person, yet then seeing how I'm selfish, mean or hurtful to others or the planet has made it challenging to include that on my list of "including all" in unity consciousness inside of me.
Because 5D is about unity, that includes my own judgments and preferences. It's just fine to think, "I hate that about myself." Can I include that into my heart and embrace that judgment with love? Why yes, yes I can! This is embodying Light – admitting that you came here as a Divine Spark and are that NOW, not only if you reach some standard of measurement. When you don't try to push anything away or get rid of anything, you then are in this awesome space of inner power. You can just have that thought, and yet its power is lost, the power to dim your Light inside, because when you get that it's ALL light, All Divine, All United inside of YOU, then you can just use your freewill to align with Source, to focus on your true heart's desire, your deepest values, and the reality you want to live in right now, not one day.
Source casts out nothing and loves unconditionally always. Aligning with Source God, then, means bringing that love to All aspects of You. There are no rules or regulations of how a Light-filled 5D human should act or be. Chuck those out the window, because they just put into a box what is in unity and what is not (wait – there's that separation again).
We are learning about transcending duality, about the possibility of living in a universe that has duality, yes, the yin and the yang, yet operating from a place that merges rather than separates from that duality. It is because we live in a reality of such duality, be it in nature, perspective, belief, action, thought or emotion, that we are propelled into moving beyond the illusion of separation. Oneness and unity is the greater reality, and we really can live there and experience duality, that juicy diversity, at the same time.
You've been there, such as in an intimate experience you've had with a loved one where you've bared your soul and felt safe, seen and loved.
You might try on being willing to merge. Just willing. Willing to merge with all parts of yourself, willing to merge with God/Source, and willing to merge with Gaia. Allow this willingness to merge assist you in more easily holding the loving space for all the darkness inside to be seen as what is asking to be embraced back into your Light and the divinity of your soul. Even in those hardest moments, when your mind is incessantly chattering negative judgments that feel so true and powerful in your emotional body, you can just call in Divine Light. Imagine it filling all of you (that willingness to merge…) - your body, your "ego", your soul, your emotions, your mind, all of multi-dimensional you. You can ask for support and assistance from the Universe.
It only takes a small recognition, a spark of light, a breath into your heart, to reunite with and remember the You that experiences Divine Union with All by bringing love to All of You.
With the Partial Solar Eclipse coming up on Thursday the 12th and the longest Lunar Eclipse of the 21st century on Friday the 27th, this makes for an intense and rich month.
In this second week of July, the question is, how are you doing? How are you feeling?
All the energy supporting our process can propel us into whatever direction we're already headed or choosing to focus on.
Deeper feelings, especially around belonging, may be arising.
Over the past week, I've been doing the Forgiveness practice I mentioned in my last blog. One day something very unexpected occurred. It was as if every memory I had that prompted any person I'd written down to forgive gave me proof that I'm not likeable. Somehow that felt worse than not being loveable. Regardless the role I played, such as friend, mom, sister, wife or teacher, any actions from others in my direction, were proof that I'm not likeable and people have no interest in being around me. Whoah! Intense!
With my tools in place, I moved through this journey. Even as I felt such strong emotions and negative thoughts, another part of me knew this was just crazy talk. There is no one on earth I would deem as definitively unlikeable! As I brought in light and was willing to merge with Source and Gaia, without the goal to get rid of my experience but rather to handle the ride with more love, compassion and truth, the experience subsided more quickly than I expected.
This month is a call for forgiveness and compassion. It also brings the promise, should you choose to use this month's supportive energy, of true empowerment, divine truth and insights, and greater flow into each Now moment.
Whatever you are experiencing, give space for yourself. Energy comes in waves, so some days you'll feel energized, and others maybe more emotional, tired or foggy. It is intense, so self-care is key, along with anything that has you feel grounded and stable.
We are all, in our way and timing, waking up more and more. Trust that all that is occurring truly is to propel you into your awakening to the beautiful perfection of YOU, to the truth of your Divine ancestry and what is means to be a fully awake as a Divine Human. Ask for support, guidance and assistance from your Higher Self, the Universe and Source. The Universe is listening! Know that as you care for and support your own process, you do so for Gaia and humanity.
The intensity of this month can feel quite "full" in beautiful full-filling ways, be it in a busy schedule, or busy within. Celebrate! You can access the peace available, the stability of the peace available in each moment if you simply ask for or want it, even as time-space reality is quickening.
Know that you are loved and needed here. You belong here. Let your self-care practices be chosen in alignment with your values and desire to thrive and contribute, not because you're supposed to or have to do anything. Judgmental and negative thoughts, painful emotions like outrage, helplessness, separation and fear are things you can notice and choose to bring compassion to.
In each moment, you always have a choice. Choose Love.
Depression is one of the most common experiences in spiritual awakening, yet has many interpretations or definitions. It's a catch-all phrase, "depression". What does it mean exactly?
It's different than grief, which is also a part of your process. Depression tends to include low self-esteem and feelings of guilt, powerlessness and helplessness.
You chose to become more conscious and aware, and with that comes all the patterns, beliefs, trauma and pain that you previously more easily suppressed. Depression can come in waves, without apparent reason, as things bubble up.
Those very thoughts that often have you feel depressed or intensify your depression are actually the core wounds, the buried, hurt, scared and alone parts of yourself that need to come up to be released with your loving attention.
When such fears or negative self-talk arises, don't believe everything you think!
The ancient Essenes noticed 2500 years ago that our experiences, internally and externally are neutral. They don't become good or bad until we judge those experiences, until we perceive those experiences through the lens our past experiences and our beliefs. So know that just because you believe something, it doesn't make it true. It is your free will choice to decide what's true for you in any moment, or not.
It is so important to practice being gentle with yourself at these times, for if you fight or judge what you are feeling, it only serves to have that part of yourself want to retreat back into the darkness.
I'm adding in this video because it is important to know that you are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. This is the human condition, regardless of what others may be hiding from your view (or unaware of inside themselves). Your process is about waking up from the illusion of the ego.
Warning: this video is a re-enactment of the ego and is pretty intense. Know that all those thoughts that seem so true are coming into your awareness to give you freedom from them running your life on automatic.
As you are adjusting to your higher self and true nature, there can be a feeling of great doubt. Part of you knows all is well, connected to a bigger picture and higher truth, yet a powerful doubt is also present, that doubt in yourself and what you are experiencing.
Doubt, spiraling downward into helplessness, self-loathing, guilt and meaninglessness, can feel very out of control. This is the time to be extremely gentle with yourself. Again, remember you are not alone, and many others are going through and have gone through what you are experiencing.
Your doubt can seem much more real and truthful than your "positive" attitudes. Acknowledge that you feel the way you do and are having the experience you are having. Giving yourself space to authentically have those waves of doubt move through, open your heart into the Truth of reality, and then choose that reality more powerfully.
Solitude is an important aspect of your spiritual awakening. You need time with yourself to connect into your true nature. As your sensitivity raises, you also need space to center, ground and integrate. There is no right or wrong amount of time that you'll feel a need for solitude, be it hours, days, months or years.
However, this can be sometimes leave you feeling lonely and separate, with a sense of longing for connection with others.
In your solitude, you are connecting. You are remembering and connecting to your true divine nature and your higher self. You are connecting to Source, to the Earth, to your guides, angels and Star Family. At some point, even feeling a connection to nature or divine guides may drop out. This is because you are called to connect to divine YOU within, not because you are alone. The path of awakening truly is about loving yourself.
When you feel alone, you can call upon guides and angels to surround you more closely. You can hold crystals and connect with them for support. You can read others experiences to know you are not alone.
You are never alone. This is the truth.
The collective, meaning the major percentage of people on the planet right now, are not interested in "awakening" and are solidly living in the old paradigm. This split can feel huge and separating. If you can, connect with others such as in group meditations in person, or even on-line.
Solitude is a beautiful and necessary thing, having you get to know yourself in all your many aspects with loving compassion. As you do, you will have a felt experience that you are truly connected to everyone and everything, able to open to that unity, merging and connection more and more.
In the meantime, choose to do things you enjoy. Get some connection with others in a way that lifts you up, be it with friends, in a class, Meetup, church, dog park, or at the grocery store. Find anything that brings you joy in the moment, for as much as you are waking up from the illusion, this planet, is an amazing and fun place to live, and is meant to be a playground for your enjoyment as you take care of it and yourself!
Every human is feeling the shift occurring, and the energies that support this shift. Every human is doing their job perfectly, be it the first wave, the second wave (those recently awakening to a greater truth about reality), or the third wave of those grounding the process by holding the density of 3rd dimensional consciousness so that we may more gracefully embody light in the physical.
Simply acknowledging that you are feeling the global collective consciousness can ease your personal challenges. It gives space for you to lighten up on yourself, the stories you tell yourself about why you feel the way you do, or that you should be feeling differently. It is not just you, and you are a compassionate sensitive soul. Give yourself space to take care of yourself and to feel into your ability to sense the collective and then step away from it. The collective viewpoint right now is deep in density, in fear, separation and anger. Knowing this, you can choose to not play in that energy. You always have choice.
Here, in the awareness of the collective, is a great opportunity for relief. Not only can you acknowledge your great intuitive ability and connection to others, you can acknowledge that because of that connection, all that you do, all the inner work, effects the collective. You are being of great contribution to the planet by dealing with your personal stuff. Your willingness to be aware of and release your own inner wounds does this for all people everywhere, making their journeys easier. Just as if you want a world of peace, you be the peace inside of you. Thank you!
The energy and light assisting you is random and unpredictable. One moment you're feeling really high, meaning spiritually. You feel that union and connection, sometimes so much that tears flow freely from such love in your heart. The next moment you feel depressed and very low. You've just got to know, have faith, that this will pass.
Will it always be like this? No. But there is no need to try to rush the process or think you should be more centered in a peaceful state at all times. Trust your process of awakening. Take care of yourself along the way, doing whatever you can to support where you are in any moment. Trying to make your depression go away because you don't think you should feel that way isn't going to assist you. Life is supporting you always. There is a divine plan. This is when trust and faith will assist you most, that this too shall pass and it is an important part of your spiritual awakening, even if you don't like it or understand it.
It's time to get used to these random changes in your feelings and prepare for these shifts. Instead of looking for the "why" am I feeling this way, which can lead to the rabbit hole of what's wrong with you and your life, each time that "depressed" feeling arises, you can trust that it's just energy you are experiencing. You get to choose how to use that energy, moment by moment. Will it propel you up into more awakening or down into deeper density?
What is there to do about it? Energy is creative, so you might want to use that energy to do something that expresses your creativity. Draw, paint, dance, sing, cook, garden, write a poem, play an instrument. Try something new. Creativity isn't just in the "art" arena – it is in business, in the sciences, in the day-to-day organization and new solutions you find. Set your intention in the morning: what are you creating today?
Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to uplift you, even if it's "socially unacceptable", be it sleep, rest, shorter work hours or a day off, bathe, take a walk, be in nature, meditate, drink more water, or eat cleaner food.
You asked for it: living in your heart, committed to the path of awakening and to pure divine Love, brings in a feeling of emptiness. It can feel blissful, or stressful, or like depression. Some would say that depression is depressed creativity. This can be challenging when your creative slate feels blank. Life can feel pointless, with no direction, and with little passion, enthusiasm or drive. We are so used to being driven, busy and productive.
That feeling of emptiness is actually a neutral energy of pure potential, pure creativity. It holds all possibilities in this moment. Zero point. Is it no wonder it feels empty? Could you really handle experiencing all dimensions, insights, timelines, and knowledge all at once? Our awakening isn't in one big burst. We integrate more light and love at a pace our bodies can handle. And yes, sometimes it can just feel empty and meaningless.
Know you are tapping into pure love and light, all and nothing. Peace. There is a peace available here, and that depression has the potential to shift into peacefulness. It is only your interpretation and judgment of what you are experiencing that says otherwise, as you also confront those fears and doubts of your ego and core wounds.
As your true divine self comes to the forefront, you know you are here for a reason, a mission, yet may have no idea what that is. Having a meaning, a purpose in life, is so important, and the uncertainty can be extremely challenging. Waking up into New You can be scary and fearful, as anything new and mysterious often is.
Without the "what's next" in sight, letting go of the outdated, the familiar, the comfortable, can be painful. It's similar to #4, in that feeling of meaninglessness.
What's asked of you is to have faith. Trust that as you open to releasing the security of who you thought you were, you are totally supported and taken care of by life. It's okay that you're no longer interested in some things, that your path is at a standstill, or that those things you were attached to, be it people, career, interests, might abruptly fall away. You are not your interests, your hobbies, your career or knowledge base, your personality or your past. You certainly are not your physical possessions or your money in the bank.
Ask for support and clarity, from your higher self, your heart, Source, your divine support like your angels and Galactic Family. Your next steps will come, and with greater ease when you trust that this cycle of emptying out is an important part of your path. Again, have faith: New Earth, New You. You are so loved and supported, always! Take this time to listen. Then listen more. Let guidance take as much time as it needs to, and find anyway possible to enjoy your life right now.
Spiritual crisis is a normal part of the spiritual awakening process. It can show up in different and scary ways. This includes suicidal thoughts, and in these moments it's imperative to find support and know you are not alone.
There may seem no end in sight to the confronting thoughts and feelings that are coming up. Your deepest core wounds arise, traumatic experiences that equate to feeling you are not enough, don't belong, aren't important, are bad, broken, alone and separate from everything. This is the illusion you are waking up from, as challenging as it is to experience those thoughts and feelings so strongly. You ARE waking up! The light is coming, and to be able to perceive and accept the light, all of the darkest night, fear, needs to come to your consciousness – to have the light inside of you shined upon it.
Waking up also can be likened to death. You are dying from the personality, the you that says you ARE your personality, and can literally feel like dying. It can also literally feel like going through hell.
The most important thing is to find support.
You are not alone and you are not crazy. You can search the web about spiritual crisis or dark night of the soul. Reach out to loved ones and friends. Pray. Call on your guides and angels. Call a crisis hotline. There is so much support out there, and while you might feel at odds with the traditional psychological model of support, being labeled with various psychological disorders, you might even find support from that perspective too. Your soul knows the way and the universe is here to completely support your process. Be open to however that relief and support shows up for you.
These waves of energy, sometimes feeling like depression, will come again. And that's okay! If you know this, you can have a plan in place that supports your process. What is happening to you is your process of going from the darkness into the light, or conversely, you could think of it as shining light into the darkness.
Take note of what has you feel centered, grounded, calm, at ease, peaceful and happy. Write it down! This is easiest notice when you are feeling in those states of consciousness, so also reach out for reminders through others, such as loved ones, books, and the web.
There is nothing too small or insignificant that could shift your experience in any moment. A song, a good deed for someone else, a bath, a nap, fresh air and nature, smelling a flower, drinking more water, a massage, a light-hearted video or movie (laughter!), breathing (yes, just noticing your breathing!), a meditation app for your phone, an act of kindness toward another, smiling (just try curling your lips up!), cooking, a phone call, painting or drawing, or simple completed tasks like the laundry.
Take note of any practices you have that you know shift your experience. This could be exercise, be it outdoors, at the gym or in a group class. Note any simple spiritual practices you've done that assist you quickly, be it mindfulness meditation, heart-centered practices, group gatherings, or re-framing situations such as asking what would be the most loving positive way to see the situation.
In terms of re-framing, it can be really helpful to look at yourself as if you were looking at a friend, to disengage from your personal experience. If your friend or child, were thinking this way, feeling this way, acting this way, what would you say to them? How would you support them? How would you re-frame their experience in a way that uplifts them, empowers them, or gives them hope and faith?
Here is a wonderful little booklet by Sri Ram Kaa and Kira Raa on a 7-day spiritual cleanse of forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from the heart, knowing that others, and YOU, are always doing the best that they and you can given your state of consciousness at any given time.
You are so divine, so amazing and so brave to be here at this time on Earth! Please take heart that this, too, shall pass, all waves and cycles, spiraling upwards into higher light and vibration more and more. Thank you for your contribution to the planet, for coming here on a very important, wonderful yet challenging mission at this unprecedented time. You deserve to enjoy your life, even during these challenges!
Over the past few months, I've been coming across various YouTube videos discussing "The Event", a term I had never really heard of. The conversation has been around for many years actually, but is popping up more and more in videos and blogs. The Event it is about a flash or waves of photonic light that will suddenly shift the consciousness of the planet. When, exactly, is uncertain. The result will be the entire planet popping into 5th dimensional consciousness, resulting in tangible changes like disclosure of the cabal, disclosure of extraterrestrial existence and technology, deeper care for the earth and animals, financial structures re-arranging to care for all, and more.
This time in history has been discussed throughout most ancient civilizations and wisdom traditions. These cultures, such as Mayan, Native American, Egyptian, Indian (the ancient yoga culture), Greek and Hebrew, all understood how things unfold in cycles. This time in history is a unique turning point, a New Age, a New Earth, a time of awakening and remembering Who we really are and Why we're here (ah, the eternal questions).
This was definitely going to be the Big Event (though I hadn't seen it termed that way). Astronomically, the Sun crossed Galactic Center on December 21st, 2012. Astronomers will tell you this is no big deal – it actually happens twice a year, as from the sun's viewpoint, the earth crosses the galactic equator twice a year. Astrologically, we were looking at an approximate 26,000 year cycle called, "precision of the equinox". This consists of cycles of astrological ages – 12 to be exact, matching the 12 signs of the Zodiac.
The dawning of the Age of Aquarius came into bloom in the 1960's, and I myself wished I could have been there, as I hung onto the hippy era while hanging out in the Haight-Ashbury in the 1980's, going to Grateful Dead shows, getting my Volkswagen bus, and experimenting with psychedelics that only served to have me remember and solidify all those experiences and insights from my childhood. The "New Age" movement came into full force: the transitioning from the Piscean Age to the Aquarian age, marking the ending of a 26,000 year cycle.
The Mayan Calendar played a prominent role in predicting the ending of one age into another at this point in history, with the Mayan Long Count calendar ending approximately 2012. Because this was the end of the Mayan Calendar, it was easy for people to see it as The End. End times, the Apocalypse, Judgment Day, the Rapture, call it what you will. I never saw it that way myself: it was the end of one age and the beginning of a new.
I was very interested in all things about the upcoming 2012 date, and by 2006 or so, I had gathered enough information to wonder why there weren't many books out on the general subject and why most people didn't know about it. I was ready for anything, including everything going dark as the earth's poles literally shifted to opposite points. Nope, that didn't happen, but it's always good to be prepared.
Yes, there is no definitive correctness about any of these Shift points. Dates are controversial, and facts are highly disputed. Furthermore, it takes a willingness to shift one's own consciousness to perceive something new and different.
Granted, there are better places than this blog to research the intel on this. Dolores Cannon seems to have talked about this many years ago. It's actually quite similar to the possibilities that were discussed about the 2012 event. I wonder if it's a sort of continuation of the 2012 sudden shift conversation.
Back in 2012, it was possible that everything would go dark, and the earth's poles would reverse. During that time, it would be important not to go into fear or panic, as such a high vibrational point would create a space of Here and Now where all things would be instantaneously manifested.
The result of the Shift event is being discussed in various ways, but seems to always include that flash or waves of powerful photonic light. I myself, having stepped into that possible timeline, see myself in that moment going outside, maybe laying on the grass or hugging a tree. If my loved ones are with me, I'll take them along, grounding those energy waves with an open heart, calmness and oh such juicy gratitude. Will that rainbow bridge be there, ready to cross, all of us on the planet awakening? Those completely unaware of this possible experience (and all that density inside of fear and separation that will come up and cleanse out as the body suddenly shifts into 5D), as well as being unaware of the shift in consciousness occurring on the planet, could kinda freak out, don't you think? So, boyscout motto in place, always be prepared.
Prepared also means food and water stocked etc., as "The Event" discusses closing of banks, disclosure of the Cabal as well as our Galactic Family, and an opening of abundance and care for all – all people, animals and the Earth.
Here's my bottom line: Hey, a sudden event that changes everything would be awesome. The question is, do we, as a collective, want that to occur? Humans have freewill, and at this time in history, it has looked like "the end" because the future is one that we are consciously creating together. I'm open either way. Event or not, I'm committed to creating New Earth NOW. There's no waiting for a solar flash to do it for us. Those flashes of photonic light are coming in stronger and more consistently anyway, assisting us to embody more light. If you're reading this, you know how intense this awakening process can be, and the high frequency waves of light happening now are plenty to work with and integrate. It's for each of us trust our own process, and to step up and say, "Yes! I see the reality I want for the world, and I live it NOW!" And the NOW is asking for us to unite even more, co-creating New Earth.
I actually had a dream many years ago, before 2012, in which I was on the freeway and all the cars stopped running suddenly. We all got out of our cars and I remember the energy was quite different than "normal". I wasn't afraid, quite elated actually. That photonic light flash could certainly have all electronics shut down, right?
Maybe "The Event" isn't something that will happen at the same time and in the same way for all of humanity. While we are actually experiencing a collective awakening into 5th dimensional New Earth, each of us is doing this very uniquely and at the perfect time and pace. Maybe The Event is experienced as one big flash of Light for some people, literally and/or figuratively. Maybe it's series of flashes, openings, gateways and waves of light for others. These waves of light have already been coming more and more consistently and powerfully. It's happening now.
As more and more of us are awakening, we open the space for even more of humanity to awaken – and with greater ease. So truly, whether with one at a time or all of humanity in a single flash of photonic light, we are all awakening together. After all, time is a mute point in 5D, it's all happening Here and Now. And, again, each of us has the free will to say, "yes" or "no" to what is offered and available. Therefore, if The Event is going to occur, we need to agree collectively (consciously or unconsciously) that this is what we all want.
If the idea of a game-changing event inspires you in your awakening process, has you feel more love, peace, hope, faith, joy, and desire to be of service, then by all means, dive into that conversation! On the other hand, if it has you think, "Oh boy, another one of those predictions again," "Same old same old…" or "We'll get there some day one day," or has you think, "Hey, why bother with all this ascension process stuff since The Event will just pop us into New Earth anyway," then: just drop it, because it's just serving to keep you solidified in an old story about reality or takes away your motivation and commitment to stepping into your mastery and contribution as a responsible co-creator Here and Now.


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Q: R for loop faster than sapply Whenever I replace a for loop with an apply statement, my R scripts run faster but here's an exception. I'm still inexperienced in using the apply family correctly, so what I can do to  the apply statements to outperform (ie. become faster) than the for loop?
Example data:
vc<-as.character(c("120,129,129,114","103,67,67,67,67,10,10,10,12","2,1,1,1,2,4,3,1,1,1,3,2,1,1","1,3,1,1,1,1,1,4",NA,"5","1,1,99","2,2,2,16,11,11,11,11,11,29,29,26,26,26,26,26,26,26,26,26,26,31,24,29,29,29,29,40,24,23,3,3,3,6,6,4,5,4,4,3,3,4,4,6,8,8,6,6,6,5,3,3,4,4,5,5,4,4,4,4,6,11,10,11,10,14,2,2,22,22,22,22,24,24,24,23,24,24,24,23,24,23,23,23,24,25,27,27,24,24,26,24,25,25,24,25,26,29,31,32,32,32,32,33,32,35,35,35,52,44,37,26","20,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,19,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,19,19,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,17,1,1,1,12,10","67,63,73,70,75,135,94,94,96,94,95,96,96,97,94,94,94,94,24,24,24,24,24,24,24,24,24,24,24,1,1,1"))

The goal is to populate a numeric matrix m.res where each row contains the top3 values of each element in vc. Here's the for loop:
fx.test1
function(vc)
     {
     m.res<-matrix(ncol=3, nrow=length(vc))
     for (j in 1:length(vc))
      {vn<-as.numeric(unlist(strsplit(vc[j], split=",")))
      vn[is.na(vn)]<-0; vn2<-rev(sort(vn))
      m.res[j,]<-vn2[1:3]
      }
     }

And below is my "apply solution". Why is it slower? How can I make it faster? Thank you!
fx.test2
function(vc)
    {
    m.res<-matrix(ncol=3, nrow=length(vc))
    vc[is.na(vc)]<-"0"
    ls.vc<-sapply(vc, function(x) tail(sort(as.numeric(unlist(strsplit(x, split=",")))),3), simplify=TRUE)
    #names(ls.vc)<-seq(1:length(vc))
    ls.vc2<-lapply(ls.vc, function(x) c(as.numeric(x), rep(0, times = 3 - length(x))))
    m.res<-as.matrix(t(as.data.frame(ls.vc)))
    return(m.res)
}

system.time(m.res<-fx.test1(vc))
#   user  system elapsed
#  0.001   0.000   0.001

system.time(m.res<-fx.test2(vc))
#   user  system elapsed
#  0.003   0.000   0.003

UPDATE: I followed the suggestions of @John and generated two trimmed & truly equivalent functions. Indeed, I was able to speed up the lapply function somewhat but it's still SLOWER than the for loop. If you happen to have any ideas for how optimize these functions for speed, please let me know. Thank you all.
fx.test3<-function(vc)
{
    L<-strsplit(vc,split=",")
    m.res<-matrix(ncol=3, nrow=length(vc))
    for (j in 1:length(vc))
        {
        m.res[j,]<-sort(c(as.numeric(L[[j]]),rep(0,3)), decreasing=TRUE)[1:3]
    }
    return(m.res)
}

fx.test4<-function(vc)
    {
        L<-strsplit(vc, split=",")
        D<-t(as.data.frame(lapply(L, function(X) {sort(c(as.numeric(X),rep(0,3)),decreasing=TRUE)[1:3]})))
        row.names(D)<-NULL
        m.res<-as.matrix(D)
        return(m.res)
    }

system.time(fx.test3(vc))
#   user  system elapsed
#  0.001   0.000   0.001

system.time(fx.test4(vc))
#   user  system elapsed
#  0.002   0.000   0.002

A: UPDATE2 & potential answer:
I now simplified fx.test4 as follows and it is now equivalent in speed to the for loop. Therefore, it was the extra conversion steps that made the lapply solution slower as @John pointed out. In addition, maybe the assumption that *apply HAD to be faster was faulty as discussed by  @Ari B. Friedman and @SimonO101  Thank you All!
fx.test5<-function(vc)
    {
        L<-strsplit(vc, split=",")
        m.res<-t(sapply(seq_along(L), function(X){sort(c(as.numeric(L[[X]]),rep(0,3)),decreasing=TRUE)[1:3]}))
        return(m.res)
    }

fx.test5(vc)
      [,1] [,2] [,3]
 [1,]  129  129  120
 [2,]  103   67   67
 [3,]    4    3    3
 [4,]    4    3    1
 [5,]    0    0    0
 [6,]    5    0    0
 [7,]   99    1    1
 [8,]   52   44   40
 [9,]   20   19   19
[10,]  135   97   96

system.time(fx.test5(vc))
   user  system elapsed
  0.001   0.000   0.001

UPDATE3: Indeed, on a longer example, the *apply function is faster (by a hair).
system.time(fx.test3(vc2))
#   user  system elapsed
#  3.596   0.006   3.601
system.time(fx.test5(vc2))
#   user  system elapsed
#  3.355   0.006   3.359

A: Your problem can be solved using concat.split function from splitstackshape package:
library(splitstackshape)
kk<-data.frame(vc)
nn<-concat.split(kk,split.col="vc",sep=",")
head(nn[1:10,1:4])
                           vc vc_1 vc_2 vc_3
1             120,129,129,114  120  129  129
2 103,67,67,67,67,10,10,10,12  103   67   67
3 2,1,1,1,2,4,3,1,1,1,3,2,1,1    2    1    1
4             1,3,1,1,1,1,1,4    1    3    1
5                        <NA>   NA   NA   NA
6                           5    5   NA   NA

You can manipulate the nn dataframe to get the columns with max value.

A: You're doing lots of stuff in your loops, apply or for, that shouldn't be. The main feature of apply is not so much that it is faster than for but that it encourages expression that allows you to keep things vectorized as much as possible (i.e. as little in your loops as possible). The thing that R is particularly slow at is interpreting a function call and each time through the loop it needs to interpret every function call it encounters. Sometimes loops are unavoidable but they should be made as small as possible.
Your strsplit can just be used outside the first sapply. That way you call it once. Then you also don't need unlist before as.numeric. You can also sort with decreasing = FALSE instead of additionally calling tail (although maybe that's as fast as a [1:3] selector). All of that saves you function interpretation in your loop being called over and over.
You don't have to pre-allocate your matrix because you're going to generate the values all at once and shape them into a matrix.
See if following that advice speeds things up.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


If I were wandering the desert without food or water, certain I would die of exposure at any moment, all I'd want to listen to would be Lord Huron.
That thought kept going through my head as the Los Angeles-based indie rock band took the mainstage at Folk Fest on Friday night. Bathed in eerie green light, they opened with "Ancient Names Pt. I," the second track of their new album Vide Noir. Released on April 20 (blaze up), 2018, the album is more electronic than Lonesome Dreams (2012) and Strange Trails (2015), but focuses on the same themes of love and death.
It raises the question: are any Lord Huron songs not about death? Whether frontman Ben Schneider, clad in a fedora and suit, is singing about finding a dead man or about hanging himself if he doesn't get the woman he loves, rotting corpses feature heavily in the band's songs. "If we can't be together, what's the point of life?" Schneider sings in "Wait by the River." Is there anything more weirdly romantic while simultaneously being extremely problematic?
Formed by Schneider as a solo project in 2010, he's been steadily adding bandmates to Lord Huron for recording and touring. One of its biggest hits is "Fool for Love," off of Strange Trails. When the song's familiar wispy instrumentals and upbeat guitar started to play, the cheers started — it was definitely a crowd favourite.
Near the end of the set the band played a song I'd been anticipating: "The Night We Met." The song — a slow, almost waltzy ballad — has become semi-famous after being featured in the school dance scenes in the controversial Netflix show 13 Reasons Why. Despite my aversion to the show, the song itself is lovely and haunting — and like Schneider said, it's good to make out to.
But my favourite moment was in the encore, when the band came back onstage and my friends and I ran down to the front. I was expecting them to whip out one of their more energetic songs from their new album, but instead they started to play "Harvest Moon," the classic Neil Young love song. Their rendition was soft and a little funky, twisting its usually straight tempo.
As I sang along, I looked to my left and realized I was standing right next to Premier Rachel Notley. She was chatting with the people around her when a teenage girl approached her. The girl wanted to know if her friend, who's really shy, could come say hi. When the premier said "Of course!" both girls and their friends crowded around her excitedly. "I want to be just like you," the shy girl said, glowing. It was the most Canadian I've ever felt.


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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


Field studied piano under his grandfather,a professional organist, and made his debut when only nine years old. In 1793, Field had moved to London and studied under Muzio Clementi, with whom he developed a life-long friendship. Field's public performances were famous throughout London. His first important work, Piano Concerto No.1, was premiered in 1799. In 1801 he published three piano sonatas. In 1802 he journeyed to Paris with Clementi, then on to Vienna and Saint Petersburg, where Field decided to stay. Clementi left the following year, but Field remained and in 1805 toured the Baltic states, and in 1806 gave his first Moscow concert, which was well-received. He married a former pupil and French pianist, Adelaide Percheron, in 1810. Field was very successful and began to enjoy a rather extravagant life style. By the middle of the 1820s Field's health began to deteriorate, and thus his concert performances were reduced. He was diagnosed with rectal cancer in the late 1820s. He returned to London in 1831 for medical treatment. He was still in England in 1837, when Clementi died. Later that year, he went to Paris and then toured various European cities. In 1834, he spent nine months in a Naples hospital. He returned to Moscow and gave his final concert in 1836. He died from pneumonia the following year. Field's work was admired by Chopin and his work influenced some musical greats, such as Hummel and Liszt.


London, Sept 30 (ANI): A Brit drinker who had taken the dance drug mephedrone died after downing a pint of vodka in four seconds, an inquest heard.
Richard Davies swallowed the spirits in one go, despite attempts to stop him.
The 29-year-old had been drinking with friends before the alcohol - the equivalent of 13 pints of lager - knocked him into a stupor, reports the Daily Mail.
He was found unconscious and not breathing in a pool of his own blood, and died hours later.
Teesside Coroner's Court heard how the electrician's mate, of Thornaby, near Stockton-on-Tees, was five-and-a-half times the legal drink-drive limit.
His body also contained traces of the then-legal high mephedrone, which has since been banned.
Davies' best friend Christopher Crooks told the inquest yesterday how he desperately tried to save his life after he was found unconscious at about 4.30pm on January 16.
Crooks had taken Davies to his stepfather John Brocklesby's home, in Cobden Street, to sleep off the alcohol.
He made desperate attempts to save his friend when he stopped breathing but by the time paramedics had arrived Davies was dead.
Pathologist Jan Lowe said Davies had an alcohol level of 458mg in 100ml of blood, enough to have caused acute alcohol poisoning.


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It utilizes the power of our latest Rapidocs® online document automation software together with our comprehensive legal content, so that lawyers and support staff can produce complex and accurate document drafts covering a wide range of practice areas.
Our Rapidocs® templates are created, maintained and updated by our team of lawyers and paralegals. We are continuously extending the depth and scope of our trusted legal document content, as well as adding more services to the practice areas covered.
Quickly draft complex documents, saving time and money.
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Estate Planning, also called Succession Planning, is as important in Asia as anywhere else. The rules in many Asian jurisdictions may be more complex than you expect, and it is vital that you understand how they will affect you and your assets in the event of death or disability.
Many entrepreneurs don't give priority to the structuring of the personal ownership of their business, preferring to concentrate on growing the business itself. This may lead to some very inconvenient and unexpected results such as frozen business assets, the inability to manage the business, and high death duties, as well as the impossibility to transfer the ownership to the next generation in the manner wished.
The nature of the assets (movable or immovable property), their location and applicable law, your marriage regime, and your estate wishes all need to be taken into account, based on international private law considerations.
Rosemont can assist clients to understand the estate planning issues surrounding their assets and the implications for its transmission. We can help by determining the law applicable to an estate, depending on nationality and residence issues and on the location of assets, and explaining the related wealth transfer, and succession rules, comparing civil law vs common law rules, or Sharia Law rules and managing the local forced heirship rules to increase the likelihood that your assets are distributed the way you want in the case of death or incapacity.
You might also need to think about what arrangements are made for the guardianship and maintenance of minor children in the event of your death or disability.
A well implemented estate plan will help reduce estate/inheritance taxes, and reduce the complications and costs of probate. It will ensure the provision of liquidity needed for estate settlement expenses at a minimum cost. Wills, trust and foundations, and life insurance are all part of the estate planning "toolkit".
In 2015 new EU succession rules (Regulation (EU) No 650/2012 or the "Regulation") entered into force, which scope affects every person (EU national or otherwise) owning assets in a European country.
From now on, international successions subject to these rules can be governed either by (i) the law of the last habitual residence of the deceased, or (ii) the national law of the deceased, if the latter unequivocally expressed such choice before his death.
The Regulation simplifies the current situation: a given succession can now be treated coherently, by one single court applying one single law. Citizens owning European assets should be aware of this reform and its practical implications, so that they can organise their international succession.


Community councils advise the Anchorage Assembly on matters pertaining to their local areas. During the chamber meeting, Matanuska Electric Association communications director Julie Estey touted the councils' role in shaping community discussions.
Last week, the Eagle River council released a press release asking for new members and seeking comment on the upcoming Capital Improvement Project list.
"Come on out and make an impact where you work, play and live now and into the future," read the release.
The capital improvement project list is available online at munibudget.org/cc-surveys and the council will take up the issue at its Thursday, April 12 meeting.
"Remember, if we as a community don't voice our priorities to the Assembly, how can we complain failure on their part when a problem arises?" the council wrote.
Other community council meetings this month include the Eagle River Valley council (April 11 at 7 p.m. at Eagle River High), the Birchwood council (April 11 at 7 p.m. at the Beach Lake Chalet), and the Chugiak council (April 12 at the Elsie Oberg Center). The South Fork Council met last week; its next meeting is May 3 at 7 p.m. at Eagle River High.
Eagle River Community Council meeting. 7 p.m., Eagle River Town Center (12001 Business Boulevard). For more information, visit communitycouncils.org.
Chugiak Community Council meeting. 7 p.m., Elsie Oberg Community Center (18606 Old Glenn Highway). For more information, visit communitycouncils.org.


text:
Q: GRPC migration: Supporting both grpc and rest in spring boot? I have an existing micro-service in production which has a restful endpoint. For new customers, as well as well from a long term objective, we would like to support grpc. I would like to understand if it's a good idea to support both grpc and restful endpoints in the same spring-boot application. What could be potential downsides of doing this?

A: There's some thoughts on this topic in this medium article (take a look at the comment section too), this baeldung article, and somewhat similar question here on SO: Microservices with gRPC and REST using Spring Boot.

A: Well I'd say its a good idea to support both types of APIs but you need to do it in the right way. As there is a easy way to "restify" gRPC APIs, I would change your application so that it uses gRPC by default and the REST API sits basically just on top of it.
You could simply add the gRPC API but this can cause some problems as in gRPC the full response (at least the keys) needs to be defined in the proto file so depending on your responses this might get tricky.


In many counties in our service area, the county government, sheriff's department, or emergency management agency (EMA) have coordinated with local churches, schools, or businesses to provide safe shelter locations for community members who might not otherwise have the needed shelter during severe weather or a tornado threat–specifically those who live in a mobile home or trailer.
In North Alabama, many communities also have community roadside storm shelters, which were installed following the April 2011 tornadoes via State and Federal grants. However, in some counties and locations where no shelter is available you will need to shelther-in-place instead of using a communal shelter.
Avoid auditoriums, cafeterias and gymnasiums that have flat, wide-span roofs.
If a shelter is not available, lie in a ditch or low-lying area a safe distance away from the mobile home.
Use your arms to protect head and neckMobile homes are particularly vulnerable to tornadoes. They can be easily overturned, even if precautions have been taken to tie down the unit. If you are in a mobile home when a tornado is approaching, evacuate the home immediately.
If driving, NEVER try to outrun a tornado! They can change direction quickly and can instantly lift up a car, truck or any other vehicle and toss it through the air.
Get out of the vehicle immediately and take shelter in a nearby building.
If shelter is unavailable or there is no time to get indoors, lie in a ditch or low-lying area or crouch near a strong building.
Note from Grundy Co. EMA: We only encourage use of these shelters for people in unsteady buildings or mobile/modular homes. People who are traveling may also make use of shelters in times of emergency.
The buildings listed above are for Thunder Storms and Tornadic Events.


The versatile Reizen Digital Analog Water-Resistant Spanish Talking Watch offers three ways to tell the time, plus you can wear it throughout the day without concern about getting it wet Simply press a button to have the time announced in a pleasant female voice in Spanish. Time is also displayed on the LCD, or can be read from the traditional analog clock face.
This sports watch is water-resistant and can withstand incidental contact with water, such as rain and washing your hands. It's perfect for all active lifestyles and will be especially appreciated by the blind and visually impaired. Other features include an hourly chime, alarm with snooze and a sweep second hand. 90-Day Manufacturer's Limited Warranty.


text:
Bike for Rio Paralympics 2016
Fundraising campaign by Tony Scoleri
by Tony Scoleri
Adelaide, AU | Sports
Tony Scoleri Paralympic campaign to Rio the Janeiro 2016. I'm an international level competitor in the sport of paratriathlon. I started in triathlon as a fully able athlete in 2002. Success came quickly and from 2003 to 2005 I won all major championships in Sprint and Olympic distance triathlons and duathlons in South Australia. At that point I dreamt of representing Australia at the World Championships and getting into the Ironman distance. However, in early 2007, I was involved in a near fatal accident when the passenger of a car opened their door as I was riding past. In a split second, all my dreams collapsed. My body and mind were crushed to pieces. My life became all about intensive physiotherapy and personal challenges. Almost a decade later and left with a right arm disability, I have come back into triathlon through perseverance and resilience. The sport gives me a purpose to FIGHT for a better health instead of undergoing the pains and troubles my medical condition throws at me daily.
My major achievements this year include winning the Australian National and Oceania Championships in my classification and recently coming 4th at the World Championships in the Open category in Edmonton, Canada. I believe in my chances to qualify for the Paralympic Games in Rio in 2016 but I must upgrade my 10-year old road bike to a proper Time Trial bike.
I am a self-funded athlete and pay all the costs for interstate and international races. These costs come in addition to a heavy medical support which I require to cope with trainings and my disability. This year I have realised my dream to participate and cross that magic finish line at a World Championship. I want to dream some more and inspire others along the way. THANK YOU for any support you might provide towards this Time Trial bike. It is thanks to people like yourself that the World is a better place where dreams come true.
Good luck, Tony! I hope your dream will come true!
Tony Scoleri
Send Message to Tony Scoleri

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


text:
Q: Automatically format pandas table without changing data Is there a way to format the output of a particular column of a panda's data frame (e.g., as currency, with ${:,.2f}, or percentage, with {:,.2%}) without changing the data itself?
In this post I see that map can be used, but it changes the data to strings.
I also see that I can use .style.format (see here) to print a data frame with some formatting, but it returns a Styler object.
I would like just to change the default print out of the data frame itself, so that it always print it formatted as specified. (I suppose this means changing __repr__ or __repr_html__.)  I'd assume that there is a simple way of doing this in pandas, but I could not find it.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
EDIT (for clarification): Suppose I have a data frame df:
df = pd.DataFrame({"Price": [1234.5, 3456.789], "Increase": [0.01234, 0.23456]})

I want the column Price to be formatted with "${:,.2f}" and column Increase to be formatted with "{:,.2%}" whenever I print df in a Jupyter notebook (with print or just running a cell ending in df).
I can use
df.style.format({"Price": "${:,.2f}", "Increase": "{:,.2%}"})

but I do not want to type that every time I print df.
I could also do
df["Price"] = df["Price"].map("${:,.2f}".format)
df["Increase"] = df["Increase"].map("{:,.2%}".format)

which does always print as I want (with print(df)), but this changes the columns from float64 to object, so I cannot manipulate the data frame anymore.

A: It is a natural feature, but pandas cannot guess what your format is, and each time you create a styler it has to be informed of such decisions, since it is a separate object. It does not dynamically update if you change your DataFrame.
The best you can do is to create a generic print via styler.
def p(df):
    styler = dy.style
    styler.format({"Price": "${:,.2f}", "Increase": "{:,.2%}"})
    return styler

df = DataFrame([[1,2],[3,4]], columns=["Price", "Increase"])
p(df)


In Coyame, Mexico, 1974, in the State of Chihuahua, an unidentified flying object (UFO) collided with a small plane. Both the U.S. government and the Mexican government responded to the crash. The series of events that followed would stay buried until the early 2000s when Mexico became a hotspot for UFO sightings and investigators flocked there, uncovering even more bizarre stories.
On Aug. 25, 1974, a small plane lifted off from El Paso, Texas, heading toward Mexico City.
While the small civilian plane continued on its heading, U.S. Air Defense Radar was tracking a UFO heading over the Gulf of Mexico towards Corpus Christi, Texas; this was at approximately 10:07 p.m. Traveling faster than 2,000 mph, the authorities assumed it was a meteor. But that changed when the object suddenly changed course. . . .


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text:
The Beatrice Offshore Wind Farm now known as Beatrice Offshore Windfarm Ltd (BOWL) project, is a wind farm close to the Beatrice oil field in the Moray Firth, part of the North Sea 13 km off the north east coast of Scotland.

History

Evaluation project
Beatrice Wind Farm Demonstrator Project was a joint venture between Scottish and Southern Energy and Talisman Energy (UK) to build and operate an evaluation wind farm in the deep water close to the Beatrice Oil field that Talisman Energy was planning to decommission.

Built in 2007, with two turbines and a total capacity of 10 MW, it was designed to examine the feasibility of building a commercial wind farm in deep water. The jacket foundation design was developed by the Norwegian company OWEC Tower AS, and fabricated in Scotland by Burntisland Fabrications. The site is 13 km from the Scottish coast and in 45 m of water. The evaluation project was proposed to last five years. All the electricity generated was fed to the nearby Beatrice Alpha oil platform.

The oilfield ceased operations in March 2015, and the demonstrator wind farm is expected to be decommissioned between 2024 and 2027.

Planned expansion
In February 2009, the partnership of SSE Renewables and Repsol Nuevas Energias UK, was awarded exclusivity by The Crown Estate to develop the Beatrice offshore wind farm in the Outer Moray Firth just to the north of the existing demonstrator turbines. In April 2014, the UK Energy Secretary Ed Davey announced that the Beatrice Wind Farm would be one of eight projects awarded a contract for difference to set the price paid for its power for the next 15 years.

On 23 May 2016 approval was given for a £2.6bn expansion of the wind farm to 84 turbines with a capacity of 588MW of electricity, enough to supply 450,000 homes.

In June 2016 contracts were awarded to the Global Energy Group, in association with Siemens Wind Power, for fabrication and assembly of the turbines at Nigg Energy Park in Ross Shire, and to Wick Harbour for the assembly and transport process.  Several other Highland towns are expected to benefit during the construction phase due to the expected influx of workers. Work began in April 2017.

Construction and grid connection
Offshore construction began in April 2017. As of 15 May 2018, 56 of the total 84 turbine and 2 OTM jackets had been installed, first power from the main phase was generated in July 2018, with full commissioning expected to follow in spring 2019.

In January 2019, the wind farm was connected to the new Caithness - Moray Link. The high voltage direct current link enables power generated at Beatrice and other projects to be sent to high population areas in southern Scotland.

The link which runs from Caithness to Moray, which comes ashore at Portgordon in Moray, is connected to the new Beatrice/BOWL thence to Blackhillock Substation near Keith in Moray, the UK's biggest electricity substation as of January 2019.

Installation and commissioning for all 84 turbines was completed on 15 May 2019.

Controversy
In October 2018 details emerged that migrant workers were being used increasingly in the construction phase.

It came out that 11 Russian Workers were arrested at Aberdeen Airport in 2017 as they were working illegally on Seafarers documents.

In an unexpected move, the UK Home Office granted a 6-month waiver so that the crew could continue to work. This has been extended twice until 2019.

See also

Wind power in Scotland
Wind power in the United Kingdom
List of offshore wind farms in the United Kingdom
Beatrice Oil Field
Renewable energy in Scotland

References

External links
LORC Knowledge - Datasheet for Beatrice Wind Farm

Wind farms in Scotland
Offshore wind farms in the North Sea
2007 establishments in Scotland

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia