text:
in: Trope, Parental Issues, The Parent Trope,
Stock Phrases
You're Not My Father
Wheel of Fate/Dr. Roy Curien: *has just been defeated in an epic battle and is letting off random electric bolts, apparently unstable* This is the world you humans wanted... The world is overpopulated... even you must realize that! Daniel, you need me...
Lisa Rogan: This is our future, we'll handle it ourselves! You have bigger problems to worry about!
Daniel Curien: You're not my father! *shoots the Wheel of Fate along with Lisa*
Wheel of Fate/Dr. Roy Curien: *groans in pain and explodes*
—The cutscene after the final battle in The House of the Dead III (and, yes, It Makes Sense in Context)
The closing line to any fight or disagreement between a teenager and either his father/mother or (more commonly) his important replacement parental figure (in the right genre, between the hero and his mentor). This is either a loophole for someone who really is in the wrong and wants a reason to end the argument without defending himself, or a way for a Good-aligned (or standards-bearing) offspring to inform his Evil-aligned father [figure] that he has crossed the line and is no longer worthy of respect, admiration, or obedience.
A stipulation is that the mentor has been more of a parent than the referenced father ever was. Or maybe an older brother with a Promotion to Parent.
A twist that turns up the tension is "You're not his father."
Compare/contrast with I Have No Son.
Examples of You're Not My Father include:
2 Comics
3 Fan Works
6 Live Action TV
7 Stand-Up Comedy
8 Theater
9 Video Games
10 Web Animation
11 Web Comics
Used by Vivio on her adoptive mother Nanoha after Quattro manipulates her into fighting her adopted mother in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Striker S. This happened while Nanoha was being fueled by Mama Bear rage. Ouch.
Nanoha: Vivio, this might hurt a little bit...
In an unusual variation, Vivio meant this literally. She'd been mind-screwed so thoroughly by Quattro that the poor girl genuinely believed that the person she was facing was someone disguised as her Mama in an attempt to deceive her.
Shinji Ikari of Neon Genesis Evangelion is practically a trope-namer, he uses it so much.
Ace uses this phrase on Garp in a flashback in One Piece, in response to him opposing his plan to become a pirate. Unlike some who invoke it on a non-biological father figure, he doesn't think much of his biological father.
Kyo from Fruits Basket shouted this (in a flashback) about his adoptive father, who became distant after overhearing it. It turns out it was because Kyo (who has self-esteem issues) didn't want people to reflect poorly on his adoptive father by thinking they were related, as he's not worthy of having such a good parent.
Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropolitan was once told this by a person he was trying to interview.
Liesl: How is that any of your business? You're not my dad. I do what I have to do. I was told to hide, I hid. I get scared, I deal with getting scared my own fucking way. Clear?
[[[Beat Panel]]]
Liesl: You're not my dad, right?
Spider: No.
Liesl: Good.
In a now-deleted series of Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan/Winx Club crossovers, the third installment has Layla referring to Mr. Chan and his new wife Mrs. Van Inkley as Anne's parents. Anne, who was very close to her late mother, snaps and screams at Layla that Rosa (as Mrs. Van Inkley's named in the fic) is not and never will be her mother. An earlier fic also touches on Alan (also having been close to his biological mother) hinting that he's Not Himself when he calls Rosa "Mom" by accident, and the third fic also mentions that only Mimi and Scooter call Rosa "Mom" as they're too young to remember their birth mother.
Due to both Alm and Celica having been somewhat screwed over in the parent department, some Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia fics tend to play with this trope:
Alm Calls Tatiana "Mom" and Dies. While Alm privately admits he does think of Tatiana as a mother figure, he's thoroughly embarrassed and keeps insisting she's most certainly not. Tatiana just laughs it off.
This fic has Celica call Saber "father", leading to both of them to become embarrassed and deny it to all hell.
This Sheith fic in Voltron: Legendary Defender fandom has a sick Keith telling Lance that because he's dating "space dad" Shiro, he's his stepmom and has to listen to him. Lance fires back that Keith's not his real mother.
The Room.
Denny: You're not my fucking mother!
The last conversation Peter and his uncle Ben share in the Spider-Man movie:
Uncle Ben: Now I don't mean to lecture you, and I know I'm not your father...
Peter: Then stop pretending to be!
Echoed in a later line:
Peter: I had a father... his name was Ben Parker.
"You ain't my pa."
Inverted in The Godfather:
Sonny: That's easy for you to say; he's not your father.
Tom: I was as much a son to him as you or Mike.
Embraced in Part II, when Connie tells Mike, "You're not my father!"
Said by Kristy in the Babysitters Club movie, when her stepfather berates her for forgetting to walk David Michael home, causing the 7-year-old to make the possibly dangerous trek himself. Made all the more heart-breaking by the fact that there are several points in the books where Watson plainly calls Kristy his daughter, even giving her an antique family heirloom in the Little Sister Spin-Off, and her biological dad stood her up in the end, anyway.
A variation occurs in Terminator 2 with John Connor.
Todd: John, do as your mother tells you.
John: She's not my mother, Todd.
Played in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as a brief point of contention for Indy and Mutt, as they'd only recently met. Having been raised to believe his father was a British war hero, Mutt doesn't accept the news at first.
Said by Jerri in the Strangers with Candy movie to Stew the meat-man, who promptly responds, "You're not my daughter!"
Inverted in Star Trek where Spock meets future Spock, who says "I'm not our father."
At the end of Ninja Assassin, Raizo confronts his old mentor Lord Ozunu, who wants Raizo to "beg [his] father for forgiveness". Raizo shoots back "you are not my father", prompting a shadow-blending ass-kicking from Ozunu.
For reference, Ozunu had Raizo and dozens of others kidnapped as children and put through Training From Hell to become ninjas. As far as Ozunu was concerned, they were all his children.
A gag in Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie:
Joe: You know what my kids would say...
Tom Servo: "You're not my real father!"
In the second live-action film of George of the Jungle, Junior says this to Lyle Van De Groot after his mother was hypnotized to thinking he was her husband. Twice. And kicking him in the shins both times. Well, in the second time, Lyle had shin guards, in which Junior then proceeded to stomp on Lyle's foot.
Elaine Isaak's Eunuch's Heir — used by Wolfram, the title character, against his (unbeknownst to him) actual, biological father.
Both used straight and inverted in Lamb the Gospel According To Biff. Joshua (Jesus) uses the line straight when arguing with Joseph; then Joseph, at a later point, points out "I'm not your father".
In Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, Sirius tells Molly that Harry is "not her son." Her response? "He's as good as." Later, he does become her son... in-law.
To make this variant more interesting, Harry feels touched by this... but then goes against Mrs. Weasley's wishes anyway.
Anna uses this on Isabel in Stepmom, and Isabel's response is "THANK GOD FOR THAT!"
Live Action TV
The lines are spoken word-for-word on Heroes on several occasions when Claire Bennett tries to assert her independence from Noah, aka HRG guy. Naturally, her not-dad, despite his communication shortcomings, is usually right.
To be fair, dealing with her real father and grandmother soon prompted her to declare "I have a family!" and jump out a tenth story window to escape from them.
It happened in a bigger way with Sylar. Angela went "Sylar, you're my son — oh no sorry false alarm." It was kind of pathetic.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, in the landmark episode when Will's loser father shows up and invites his son to take a road trip. Will jumps at the opportunity, despite his uncle's warnings that his father can't be trusted.
Will: I've been waiting for this for a long time, my whole life, and nobody's gonna stop me now. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here.
Uncle Phil: Oh, I don't think so.
Will: Who cares what you think? You're not my father!
Sister Sister: When Ray tells Tia that her new boyfriend just got out of prison and the bottom line is that she can't go out with him, she responds, "Well, bottom line, you're not my father!"
Tamera says the reverse near the end of the series when Tia and Tamera meet someone who could very well be their biological father. Tamera gets pissed when he asks them to take a DNA test to confirm that he is their real father:
Tamera: I don't need a DNA test to know who my real father is. He's the man who's been there for me my entire life. And a good part of yours too Tia. His name is Ray Campbell. And as far as I'm concerned, he is all the father I will ever need.
7th Heaven, in the episode when Eric is trying to protect Robbie from his recently resurfaced deadbeat father, Ed:
Ed: You're not his father.
Eric: Neither are you.
Perhaps not quite average for the trope since the boy in question is a baby, not a teenager... But the line came up, unavoidably, in a very tense scene in the Lost episode "Fire & Water". Charlie, insistent on baptizing Claire's baby son regardless of Claire's wishes, runs afoul of Locke:
Charlie: Who the hell are you, John? Aaron's not your responsibility. ...You're not his father. You're not his family.
Locke: Neither are you, Charlie.
A really bizarre example occurs in the UK science fiction comedy Hyperdrive. Technical Officer Jeffers is reminiscing about being raised by a computer simulation of his father, created when his father knew he was dying. Then, when Jeffers was fifteen, they got into an argument, and Jeffers said "You're not my real dad! You're just a piece of code!" and deleted the program. He tried to restore it the next day, but couldn't.
The British Soap Eastenders had this sort of conversation, subverted because:
Zoe Slater: You can't tell me what to do, you ain't my mother!
Kat Slater: (Zoe's "sister") Yes I am!
Six Feet Under - Claire uses this line plenty on older brother Nate.
In Nip Tuck, Matt says this to Christian right after the latter bails him out of jail. the twist is that Christian really is Matt's father and had only found this out in the same episode. Unusually for this trope, Matt's pronouncement is actually quite accurate- Christian isn't much of a father figure to him at all.
A slightly depressing example occurs in the last episode of Supernatural, Season One. Sam and Dean have managed to rescue their father and Dean is worrying about having wasted a bullet (it only has a few left and they need all the bullets they can get). Unknown to them, John has been possessed by the Big Bad ever since they found him. But when John comes out and tells Dean how proud of him he is, Dean realizes the truth and says exactly this.
Played straight in a Season Five episode; a depressed Dean tells this to Bobby.
There's an episode of CSI: Miami in which Horatio meets a teenage boy. Horatio keeps calling him 'son', until the boy snaps back at him 'You're Not My Father'... little does he know that Horatio had earlier run a paternity test...
Angel: Angel's son Connor, raised by Angel's sworn enemy in a hell dimension, gets off at least one of these Eastwood style. He later identifies Angelus as his real father (who he wants to kill).
On Mystery Science Theater 3000: Pod People, after singing "Clown in the Sky", Joel tells the bots that he loves them. Crow's reply is "You're not my real father!"
In a House episode, the titular character reveals that he figured out that his father (John House) was not really his biological father when he was twelve, and told this to him, causing John to not speak a single word to his son for two months.
Freddie on ICarly uses this when Lewbert, their building's doorman enters a relationship with Freddie's mother.
Used in Fringe after Peter finds out that Walter stole him as a child from the alternate universe.
Delivered in a stunningly awesome way from Clark to Lionel in Smallville, just before the former cuts ties with the latter completely.
Andrea in The Walking Dead, when arguing with surrogate father figure Dale: "I'm not your little girl, I'm not your wife, and I'm sure as hell not your problem."
Morgana does this indirectly on Merlin, telling someone that she comes in the name of Gorlois because Gorlois made her who she was, not her real father, Uther.
On Charmed, Paige delivered this line to her adopted parents during an argument on the day before they died, and spent years feeling guilty about it.
On Revenge: rebellious teenager Declan to his older brother Jack when Jack is trying to convince Declan he has a duty to attend their father's funeral:
Just because he's dead doesn't make you my father.
Subverted on Whos the Boss when Angela and Samantha get into an argument and Angela orders Samantha to go to her room. Samantha immediately shoots back that Angela isn't her mother. Tony intervenes, pointing out that he's her father, and he orders her to listen to Angela.
In a routine done by Robin Williams, the Biblical Joseph, after hearing Mary is pregnant and he'd be "the stepfather of God's kid," fears he won't be able to discipline Jesus since he'd just scream, "You're not my real dad!"
In Avenue Q, Rod and Nicky make their first appearance on-screen in "It Sucks to Be Me" arguing about Nicky coming home late, with Nicky yelling "you're not my mother, Rod!"
In Super Paper Mario, when Luvbi finds out that she's really one of the Pure Hearts, she argues with Grambi. At one point, she says: "Wait... Why do I explain myself to thee?! Thou art not my real father!"
In The House of the Dead III, Daniel says this verbatim as he delivers a final shot to his dad, the Final Boss of the game. See the page quote for more details.
Late in Disgaea, Jennifer chews out her foster father General Carter, who only adopted her to use her for his plans. In the anime, she actually says "you're no father to me!"
Web Animation
Homestar Runner uses it rather randomly at the end of one Teen Girls Squad episode.
"Would you quit calling him that?!! He's not your daddy! Neither of us has a daddy!" "Don't say that!" Slap!
Gunnerkrigg Court. Renard tries to lecture Annie about stealing homework answers from her friend Kat. Annie tries to brush Renard off by pointing out that he's not her father. Renard replies that he would have been a better father than her real dad was, and things just go downhill from there.
In No Rest for The Wicked, November says this to the witch — who is seriously delusionally and believes her to be Gretel.
Said by Jeshua in Shortpacked, to Galasso, the nutjob who brought him back to life to be an attention grabbing gimick for his toystore. Given who the real dad is, its significantly more of a threat than usual.
Ben 10: Ben tells Grandpa Max, "You're not my dad!" when Grandpa scolds him for using the Omnitrix to sneak somewhere and play a video game.
While Calling the Old Man Out, Zuko of Avatar: The Last Airbender tells Firelord Ozai this.
Zuko: After I leave here today, I'm going to free Uncle Iroh from his prison and I'm going to beg for his forgiveness. He is the one who has been a real father to me.
Ozai: That's just beautiful. Maybe he can pass down to you the ways of tea and failure.
And then there's Zuko's beautiful Calling the Old Man Out speech, which heavily overlaps with Kirk Summation and "The Reason You Suck" Speech. See those pages for more details.
Batman declares this once in the animated series. Being Batman (and, y'know, knowing that his parents died years ago), he's right. The hallucination of his father that's been haunting him ever since Scarecrow gassed him disappears and doesn't return.
In Teen Titans, Slade manages to Blackmail Robin into being his apprentice:
Slade: I may even become like a father to you.
Robin: I already have a father. (cue pan up to bats flying overhead)
Sari pulled this on her father in Transformers Animated after finding out that she was actually a robot, despite the combined efforts of Sumdac and the Autobots to reconcile them.
Of course, it turns out he actually is her father, with the other "parent" being the Allspark. However, she really accepts him as her father when he stands up to the Headmaster to protect her.
Presley says this to Ja'Kal in the Father's Day Special of Mummies Alive! when he offers to take the boy fishing in place of his real dad (who was in Memphis at the time.)
The end of the X-Men: TAS episode, 'Beauty and the Beast involving Graydon Creed.
In Drawn Together, Clara invokes this in an argument with her stepmother. Her stepmother then reminds her that her mother's dead, and after realizing that she went too far in bringing this up, the two reconcile and Clara's stepmother gives her advice on how to break her Octopussoir curse.
Robot Chicken has their skit "Jedi Master George W./Jedi In Chief" more or less parodies this trope during a parody of the I Am Your Father scene in Star Wars, with George Bush as Vader and his daugher Jenna replacing Luke:
Bush: Jenna, get over here right now! I am your father!
Jenna: That's not true! That's impossible! My real father would let me go clubbing as late as I want! *flips off Bush*
Played for Drama in the Tale Spin episode "Stormy Weather".
The Season One closeout for Scooby Doo Mystery Inc had Freddy learn that the man he'd called Dad for years was actually some guy who pretty much stole him from his real parents; he was NOT ecstatic.
In Sym-Bionic Titan, Lance says this line to the King of Galaluna, who isn't a Parental Substitute, but was a friend of Lance's father.
A serial killer was apparently able to kill about six women operating by this trope. Said women were drug addicts, prostitutes, women that their families just didn't care about anymore.
The Parent Trope

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Abstract Using data on agricultural traders in Madagascar, this paper shows that social capital has a large effect on efficiency. Better connected traders are shown to have significantly larger sales and gross margins than less connected traders after controlling for physical and human inputs. The analysis indicates that three dimensions of social network capital should be distinguished: relationships with other traders, which help firms economize on transactions costs; relationships with individuals who can help in times of financial difficulties, which insure traders against liquidity risk; and family relationships, which reduce efficiency, possibly because of measurement error. Social network capital enables traders to deal with each other in a more trustworthy manner by granting and receiving credit, exchanging price information, and economizing on quality inspection. Schooling is correlated with the use of superior modes of transaction but needs to be complemented by social network capital.
Cooperative societies -- Developing countries.
Physical description 24,  leaves : tables ; 28 cm.


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Claudia Yarmy Talks Amenadiel, the End of 'Lucifer' & Her Approach To Directing
by Karen Fredrickson on March 17, 2021 in Entertainment, Interviews
Image Credit: Fox Television
Claudia Yarmy has directed some of your favorite episodes of Lucifer, including an important Deckerstar moment. She recently took some time to talk about her approach to directing an episode, whether she has any more episodes coming up, and how she feels about the series.
Music In the Dark: How do you approach the look of a Lucifer episode to begin your planning process?
Claudia Yarmy: First, I'll read the script to get a sense of the overall tone. Is it a lighter episode? Darker? Suspenseful? Comedic? More emotional? That gives me direction in how I will use the camera to visually tell the story. What I love about Lucifer is that it has all of those elements, but each episode may lean in more to one particular tone.
MItD: I've seen some interviews where Tom Ellis has talked about the actors having more input than they might on another show due to some behind the scenes changes after the pilot, and then the cast talked about having more freedom with Netflix. As a director, having directed episodes for both Fox and Netflix, did you notice a difference in creative freedom or collaboration? What was the collaborative process between director and actor on Lucifer?
CY: On a show where the actors know their characters so well, then they definitely have input, which is great! I believe the actor/director relationship should be a collaborative one and thats exactly what we have on Lucifer. I may have a vision, but it's important and respectful to see what each actor has brought to the table as well. Most of the time it's fantastic as all the actors on Lucifer are very committed to their characters. Other times, if it's not quite what I envisioned or not hitting tonally, then that is when I get to collaborate with them. Each actor should always be able to trust their Director, especially when asked for a particular performance, and it's important that I build that trust with them from the very beginning. Lucifer definitely is a respectful, creative and positive working environment. As for the difference between Fox and Netflix, the only thing was being able to show a little nudity or use foul/strong language. Even though that was an option to do on Netflix, the producers never wanted to change the integrity or tone of the show just because they had the freedom to.
MItD: You have directed some major episodes, such as "Quintessential Deckerstar" where you have major plot and emotional development with Chloe and Lucifer, as well as the gut punch moment with Charlotte, and "Super Bad Boyfriend" with the timely storyline about race and the police. When you know an episode is particularly important, whether to the story or current events, does that change how you approach it? Particularly with Charlotte's death scene, how did you approach that visually to give it such impact and closure for the character? (Was that scene filmed at Cathy's Corner in Griffith Park? Did you have any input in choosing the location?)
CY: I always approach each storyline with importance and care, and tell the story I've been given by the writer while blending in my vision and interpretation of it. "Quintessential Deckerstar" was pivotal in Lucifer and Chloe's relationship. In the scene when Lucifer realizes Chloe chooses to be with him and tells her that he is the devil, I kept it intimate without any fancy camera moves because it was really about these two people who loved each other and I wanted to stay close with them, allowing the audience to "be with them" as well.
Charlottes death was such an emotional scene on many levels, because there was also the moment when Amenadiel gets his wings back and can fly Charlotte to heaven. I wanted to crush the audiences hearts when she dies and then fill the audiences hearts when Amenadiel's wings appear. Again, staying close with Charlotte and Amenadiel brings the audience there with them, experiencing this raw moment when they both realize that Charlotte has sacrificed her life to save another. The reveal of Amenadiels wings was clearly meant to be powerful and that camera move was thought up collaborating with the extremely talented Christian Sebaldt who was the cinematographer. Tricia, DB and I put a lot into that scene, rehearsals and fine tuning all the emotional beats. I adore them. But on the night we shot it I knew how focused and connected they were and so I asked them to let go, forget everything we discussed and just be present with each other….They knew what they were doing and they were marvelous. That was filmed at Cathy's Corner in Griffith Park. I definitely get to have input in picking the location. We had talked about that spot in prep as well as we wanted a private yet beautiful spot for all of this to take place.
"Super Bad Boyfriend" was quite precious to me. It was the first episode of Lucifer to touch on the subject of racial injustice and racial police brutality. DB and I collaborated walking the fine line that was Amenadiel experiencing this – for the first time. Although Amenadiel is a black man, he is an angel who is naive to many things on earth and had never been in a situation like this. It was important to me that I did not defuse what happened to Caleb but rather to show the reality of what this inexcusable violence was and how it impacted both of them. Amenadiels eyes were sadly open to what the world was that his son was going to be born into and DB crushed that performance. This was one of those times that it was extremely important that DB trusted me. Denny Love, who played Caleb, gave such an honest and beautiful performance. I've been quite lucky to have been paired with Ildy Modrovich and Jason Ning a few times and these were stand out scripts of theirs.
MItD: Did you have a favorite episode to work on? If so, why?
CY: Honestly, picking a favorite episode that I have directed on Lucifer is tough! I have such strong relationships with each one. "Candy Morningstar", which was my first ever episode on the show, has a very special place in my heart. And getting Lindsey Gort for the role of Candy was such a gift.
MItD: Is there a particular scene you're especially proud of? Conversely, was there a scene that was particularly challenging to film?
CY: A scene I'm proud of you'll have to wait to see in season 6. But I will say that in "Super Bad Boyfriend", I felt proud of the sequence starting from when Amenadiel finds Caleb killed, through to Amenadiel saying, "Earth is no place to raise my son" and he walks away, alone into the night. A scene that was challenging to film, but I'm also proud of, is the fight sequence between Lucifer and his twin brother, Michael in "Diablo". That took a lot of planning as Tom Ellis plays both characters. We had a specific shooting order that had us shooting in specific directions around the room in order to have Tom be able to change back and forth between the characters. We had stunt doubles as well as an actor who read either Lucifer's dialogue or Michael's depending on who's coverage we were shooting. All the planning done ahead of time helped us facilitate getting it done smoothly and in a timely manner. Jeff Schwartz, the 1st AD, was a huge part of organizing the order of how we shot it, as well as our super talented Cinematographer, Tom Camarda, and our phenomenal fight coordinator, Vlad Rimburg.
MItD: Do you have any stories about crazy moments on set where things went wrong or something unexpected happened and it ended up turning out well for the episode?
CY: A crazy story would be when we were shooting the scene in "Quintessential Deckerstar" when Charlotte dies. We got through the first part of that sequence up to when Charlotte gets shot, and then a huge fog rolled in. It was literally a wall of fog that you could barely see through. We couldn't continue shooting when Amenadiel gets his wings back because it would not match. So we jumped to the final montage scene when Lucifer, Chloe and Dan arrive and made the decision to not look towards the view and make it work with the fog. I thought it came out beautiful. We came back a week later and finished shooting it, making sure we had perfect view and no fog.
MItD: Do you have any favorite stories about working with any of the cast members?
CY: This cast is truly a pleasure to work with. They are professional, committed and a lot of fun. It's too hard to pick a favorite story, I've had such an incredible time working with all of them. I will, however, say that DB and I have a special bond and we really love working together. I've been so lucky to have two episodes that are strong Amenadiel stories. (One is coming up in season six). We've shared tears and a lot of laughter, it's a family there. It was very emotional for me when I wrapped my very last episode in season 6, knowing it was the last time I'd be working with this wonderful group of people.
MItD: You probably can't answer this one, but IMDb lists you directing a season 6 episode. I know it's sometimes inaccurate, so can you confirm if you are directing any season six episodes, or if you directed any season 5B, and if so, is there anything you're allowed to say about it?
CY: I did not direct in 5B but did in season six. I was fortunate to be paired with Ildy again and, oh, what a story it is!! Can't wait for you to see it! And of course you know….no spoilers!
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Year 2018 Stories
Year 2018 Year 2017 Year 2015 Animal Robots Stone
Transgender Halloween Other Sc-Fi Published Stories
There are 146 titles stories here.
Animal/Furry - 34 stories
Metal/Robots - 17 stories
Stone - 21 stories
Transgender - 3 stories
Halloween - 9 stories
Other and Odd - 32 stories
Sci-Fi - 24 stories
Year 2015 - 6 stories
dave dot fragments dot dc at gmail.com (yes there are two periods in that email)
"Who's the new boy?" Logan Backstrom, the high school's quarterback, asked as he set up for the snap.
"A transfer," the Center said, waited for the count and snapped the ball. Logan launched a practice pass to the new kid running toward the end zone. The new kid dropped it, tripped, and fell on his face.
"Sam something. He wrestles," the Center added as they waited for the coach to quit screaming at the kid.
"He's cute but not a wide receiver. Where'd he transfer from?" Logan asked.
"Overseas, military family..."
My, my, good fortune favors you, kid. You will be mine, thought Logan and he turned his attention back to football practice.
A day later, Logan studied Sam and listened at wrestling. Sam stood six inches shorter than Logan. He was compact where Logan stood broad and wide. They both had well muscled chests, strong shoulders, muscled arms, trim waists, and strong legs but Logan was 225 pounds and Sam only 160.
"You win any matches at your former school?" the other wrestler, asked.
"The last school I attended didn't have any sports, just a couple classrooms and lousy teachers. My Mom's current boyfriend taught me to wrestle. He coaches the Greco-Roman team for the Marines." Heads turned, including the coaches.
"I'd like to meet your Dad," Logan butted into the conversation.
"If he doesn't mind," Coach Williams said.
"He's on assignment in Ecuador. I'll ask him the next time we talk. "
"So you live in base housing with your Mom?" Logan pried.
"Mom is with him. I'm renting."
"You have an apartment?" Fat Tony, the school's party guy, asked. Most of Sam's classmates lived in divorced or blended families.
"I told Mom that I wanted to be at one high school and not change schools every six months. I rent from retired 4-star and his wife. They're kind of strict but as long as I pay rent and stay quiet they let me be."
Upon hearing his situation, Logan knew Sam was destined to become his meal ticket to a rich college life.
Later that day, Logan became the master spy, secret and covert, finding his handler hiding surreptitiously in the Men's Underwear section of the department store. His Handler stood, casually picking out underwear in green and black camo. The man looked at him, puzzled and slightly annoyed.
"I hear you deal in special canines," Logan said, acting like this was merely a chance meeting.
"Of course I do. I'm Beckman from Beckman Kennels." The man picked up a package of boxer briefs.
"Meet me at the cashier," Logan said and turned away. The Veterinarian continued his shopping.
I am John Le Carre in those old Soviet Spy novels, thought Logan.
He wandered the store and waited until the man entered a busy checkout line behind six customers. He slipped behind the man, once again.
"I have a line on a good boy dog, one worth your time and effort." Logan didn't look the man. The man smirked at the silliness of this entire charade.
"I can find stray dogs good homes. That's what we do?"
"Yes, I got the magic and soon I'll have the goods."
"Oh, you're one of those..." the Vet said, pausing, taking a moment to give Luke the once-over. "It's wrong to steal your neighbor's dog no matter how noisy or how many times it squats in your yard. I can sell you an in-ground compost bin."
"This dog isn't a stray."
"Then why would you bring it to me?"
"I have the magic," Logan raised his eyebrows and winked. The Vet looked at him, puzzled and annoyed.
"What's that supposed to mean? If you have a stray, I'll take it in and find it a good home. Don't do anything stupid, young man. Stupid never ends well."
"I'm never stupid and I'll consider your words a deal," Logan said, slipping away, pretending they never talked and had remained unseen from spying eyes that didn't exist. The Vet shook his head at the stupidity of it all.
In the weeks that followed, the wrestling team won the State Tournament. Logan and Sam sat in Logan's room talking.
"I thought your Mom and Stepdad were coming for the Tournament." Sam's demeanor turned sullen.
"No, they bugged out. Some military assignment kept them away. They told me it was secret, undercover, long term or some other shitty excuse for missing the award ceremony and graduation."
"At least you spent Christmas and New Years with them."
Sam looked down and shook his head in denial. "No� My parents sent extra money for a new computer, wrestling gear, new clothes, and told me to keep up the good work. My Landlord, the General and his Wife, took me in."
"That's effin' shitty."
"There are times that I just want taken care of and not having to worry about if the next decision is right or wrong, or when it'll fall apart. I have nightmares."
Silence filled the room for a moment.
"I tried talking to my stepdad but he's more physical than verbal. Doesn't want to hear it. Mom's just needy. One day she smothers me with affection and the next she's all 'you can do this by yourself.' Then they go off to their room, close the door and I can hear it," he turned red, looked away, ashamed. "They do it, three, four, five times. She's either polishing his knob and he's screaming how he loves it or she's shrieking like a cat in heat."
"That's so wrong!" Logan said, surprised and stunned.
"I shouldn't complain. He's better than my birth father. Damn him! Damn him to hell! That man was a real pile of shit." He stopped, tried to speak but stopped a second time. His face tightened in pain, his mouth tried to form the words a third time, then a fourth. Finally, some words found a way out of his mouth.
"Even my dog didn't like him." Tears formed in his eyes.
"You had a dog?"
"A big friendly Great Dane," he swallowed, choking back a sob and blurted out the dog's fate: "My birth father burnt the dog alive before taking off on a killing spree and getting shot dead by the police." He burst into tears, sobbing, holding his head.
"Wha..." Logan gasped, his eyes wide, unbelieving.
"I was too young to understand how evil he was. Do you remember the Fast Food killer? That was my birth father; killed an entire restaurant. I still shiver at the smell of burning dog hair. The thought about getting another dog but I'm barely taking care of me. I can't be responsible for a dog and me. I never told anyone because I didn't want pity."
Again Sam paused, overwhelmed, Logan let silence fill the space.
"There are days that I can't stop worrying about going wrong or being bad or what to even eat next. I'm tired of all the decisions being mine. I've had days I would be happy to give it all up just to let someone take care of me. I envy most kids with sane parents who take care of them, and praise them, and love them. The first couple weeks I was alone, I ran out of money. Dry dog food is like eating rocks. Canned dog food tastes like textured mush without the salt."
Sam's pity party inspired teenage-boy compassion in Logan.
"I keep an old dog biscuit in the middle drawer," Logan said. Sam looked at him, disrupted, brain working overtime; his face brightened out of its depression. He opened the drawer, took the dog biscuit and sniffed it. When he put his teeth on it and took a bite, Logan grabbed his arm.
"Don't you dare."
Sam took a bite and crunched the dog biscuit. "Biscuits and canned dog food are still food. Just dry and hard to pass."
Disgust filled Logan's face until he caught a tiny eye-brow arch over Sam's eyes and a glint of glee and delight.
"Damn you," Logan snarled. Sam put his arm around Logan's shoulder.
"Got ya!"
They laughed at each other and settled into discussing important things -- teammates, boys, girls, the mundane topics of video games, movie monsters. Logan suggested that they sleep together. They did more than merely sleep. Brothers and soulmates who should have been born together and had to satisfy their desires to be closer. They became silent lovers.
Traditionally, in the week before graduation, the Senior Class sponsored a "Pet Adoption Night." Logan was in charge of preparing the gym for the event.
Pet Adoption Day consisted of dinner and an auction. People bid on the strays and abandoned pets from the local pet shelter. The smallest and cutest pets, mostly dogs and cats, were auctioned first and the largest pets, typically big dogs, auctioned last. Logan took Sam with him to set up the cages and retrieving the pets from the animal shelter.
It didn't take long to fill the cages. The last cage, however, didn't have a dog.
"We are one pet short," Sam said.
"Last minute addition. The Vet is picking up a big dog because some poor dead guy's relatives can't keep a big dog."
"How could a dog be too big?"
"A Great Dane, thirty inches to the shoulder and 165 pounds."
"Are they sure it's not a pony?"
"If we were dogs, what would we be; big dogs or little dogs?"
Logan wrapped an arm around Sam and petted his back, tousled his hair.
"My stepdad would be a pit bull, vicious and nasty," a pause. "He'd probably make me a springer spaniel or a golden retriever."
Logan made half and half motions with his hand. "I'd like to be a Siberian Husky or a Malamute."
Sam laughed and shook his head. "Who wants to spend every day pulling a sled in ice and snow or be sniffing people's butts for drugs?"
"What? You want to be a pampered doggie like a poodle or a schnauzer."
"Nah, hairless Chihuahua."
"A Boxer with his balls dangling."
"A Doberman with the spiky ears." Sam held his hands against his head, index fingers pointed straight up like ears.
"My freshman year, one of the seniors sat in the cage and auctioned himself."
"Who bought him?"
"His family, after some serious bidding with his girlfriend. It was good fun," Logan said, noticing that Sam's face darkened. Logan had, inadvertently, stepped into the "no man's land" of Sam's anxieties.
"My parents didn't care enough to come," Sam said, his voice harsh and angry. He pounded one fist into the palm of the other hand. "I asked them. I begged them. I pleaded with them to visit. It's always the same. There's a new super-secret mission. They piss and moan how terrible it is and then whine about the cost of air fare. I know it's all a lie. Why would you even think they'd buy me?"
Logan pulled against his chest, held Sam tight for several minutes until he spoke. "I'd buy you. I always be here for you."
Slowly, Sam brightened up, pulled them into the open front of the over-large cage.
"I want you." He yanked a stunned Logan's t-shirt over his head and started kissing Logan's chest. This was Sam's dream, running his hands over Logan's body and Logan returning the affection, Licking Logan's his chest and making the bigger man's abs slick, and finally, embracing each other's manhood in an ultimate act of love.
Dreams are seldom reality. Logan grabbed Sam's arms tight and forced him to his knees.
"You want this?"
"I want you bad. I want you in every way possible."
Ten seconds and they were naked but Sam was still on his knees. Logan stepped between his legs and pushed him onto his hands. Sam knew what was coming. He whimpered more in anticipation than fear. He braced as Logan slid inside him and rotated his hips.
"You want me like this?"
"I'm yours. I'll always be yours," Sam gasped as he stroked himself. Logan pressed his insides. Pleasure radiated through their minds and bodies, blanking out the nearby dogs, the gym and the world. Logan reached around, still thrusting and grabbed Logan's manhood. Sam exploded in the big man's grip, mind and body joined with a lover. He let Logan's body collapse on his back.
Logan nibbled his ear and whispered.
"My true calling is to change nature..." Logan paused to breathe and continued, "...to make your life more, better. Magic can change the shape of things, make you happy, make you mine, make you become my dog, a brindled great dane." Logan's hands moved, creating magic. Glowing circles appeared around them. Sam's body arched as another orgasm-like fire burned through him. His hands and feet changed, his arms grew longer as his legs grew shorter. His skin sprouted fur. He felt his spine twisting into a different arch, hips moving outwards and forcing him to his hands and knees.
"What's happening?" Sam gasped. New teeth formed.
"Your body is changing, transforming."
"You're going to auction me." Sam's voice deepened, grew rough. He shook in fear of being sold. His internal organs shifted. His waist thinned. His ears grew large and floppy, his jowls dropped. He felt his spine arch as his hips twisted, bending him forward. His weight shifted forward onto paw-like hands. His chest pulled back and up and his arms formed two strong front legs. A long tail pushed his legs apart and wagged.
"What if someone else buys me?" Sam gasped out his last human fears, his final spoken words. His eyes pulled to either side of his skull, his snout pulled forward. He woofed loudly, deeply as his head finished transforming into that of a great dane.
"I'm will win you. I will take care of you. I will feed you, pet you, brush you, let you sleep on my bed. You'll be my good and faithful dog. You'll never be alone again or uncared for again," Logan said, locking Sam inside the cage. He packed Sam's clothing in a duffel bag, showered, and drove to Sam's apartment. There was pathetically few possessions; two or three days clothing, sports gear, a hot plate, a skillet, and two towels. He composed a terse email to Sam's parents from his laptop excusing Sam's disappearance. Logan wondered if they would care, if they would miss their kid.
Logan joined his family at the Charity Auction, and the rest of the guests.
"Where's your friend?" his Mom asked.
"His Parents called. They relocated again, to Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, I think. He packed his things and took a cab to the airport."
"There's no flight to the Philippines from here." His Mother was a travel agent.
"The poor guy's got to fly east and like make about five layovers. He's going to be in the air for two days." The lie settled the matter for his Mother but not his Father.
"You're telling us they just demanded he leave on a moment's notice? Unbelievable."
"They're odd people, Dad."
"And he jumped onto a plane just like that?"
"I think he was homesick for them."
"Damnably idiotic and outrageous they thing they can snap their fingers and make that poor kid jump at their whim," Logan's father growled.
The Auction began with a schnauzer and ended the discussion. The bidding for Sam the Great Dane settled into a battle between Logan and a family with four small children. He thought no one would bid for a dog as large as Sam. He had to double the bid to win Sam. He wouldn't be able to keep him the dog. Oblivious to Logan's financial affairs, Sam nearly knocked Logan off his feet, slobbering and licking his face.
Logan pimped out Sam the Great Dane for study service a half dozen times before taking him to him to Beckman's Veterinary Farm.
As he off the main road and up a long driveway, he could see Beckman, bare-chested and sweating, chopping firewood wood in front of the barn. The Vet's was built like a Greek god, muscles gleamed with sweat. Logan let Sam out of the car.
"I have a special dog for sale," he said, smiling his best.
Beckman laughed and split a piece of wood and sank the ax into the stump. Sam the Great Dane ran between house, stable, barn and garage. "Looks healthy. Is he housebroken?"
"Absolutely, he's gentle and obedient and frisky," Logan said.
"Yeah, this place is great for big dogs," He went to an old fashioned watering trough and splashed himself with water to wash away the sweat and dust. His muscles gleamed.
"Good. Your finder's fee is in the barn." He pointed to a large red barn and walked toward it.
"Without locks? Is that safe?"
"Absolutely. Thieves don't think anything valuable hides in a barn. They underestimate the value of horse manure."
"Is it heavy?"
Beckman pointed behind the ladder to the loft. "You're a big boy. Surely you can carry two-hundred ounces of gold. It's your blood money."
"Whatever," Logan grouched, looking for a bank bag. Beckman stepped behind him, grabbed his arm, snapped one ring of handcuffs around his wrist and the other ring to the floor.
"Hey! Let me up," Logan tried to get away but Beckman cuffed his free arm to the floor and moved behind him, yanking his sneakers off and cuffing his legs. Logan was forced onto his hands and knees. Secured to the floor, Logan resisted as his clothes were cut from his body.
"Right now I have offers for great dane puppies and a pair of full-grown Great Danes to one very rich family. You lied about last year's mixed breed. It's payback time."
"You can't do this, My family will send the police after me."
"I'll burn your clothing and send your car to a junkyard to be crushed. The police will find nothing but a farm."
"Stop," Logan yelled again. This time, Beckman simply laughed. He rubbed an aromatic liquid into the crack of Logan's ass and whistled for Sam and the great dane. The dog came bounding, sniffed at Logan's naked body, and began to lick at his exposed behind.
"The spell you cast entangles both the magus and the recipient. Instead of removing the magical entanglement, I'm going let Sam couple with you. A night of dog-lust will make you his bitch for life. By the end of the summer, you'll have a litter."
Logan fought and screamed. Beckman laughed. "The cuffs will fall off when your hands become paws." He closed the barn door and latched it.
The next morning, he had two happy great danes. A few months later, Beckman sold their first litter and shortly after, sold his prize great danes to a family with a half dozen kids.
All stories on this website copyright Dave Fragments


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Tuesday Morning 3 a.m.
Archive by Artist
New Readers
The Butler Did It
Arcade Fire's Grand Neon Bible
March 7, 2007 Andre Salles
So you may have heard that Captain America died.
My lifelong interest in the much-maligned artform that is comic books very rarely intersects with my day job as a member of the media, but this week was one of those times. Imagine my surprise when I logged on to cnn.com on Wednesday to find Steve Epting's detailed art staring back at me, depicting Captain America riddled with bullet holes. And imagine my further surprise as the media maelstrom swirled around this "event," desperate to fill its 24-hour news cycle.
I'm being harsh, I know. If I were a crazy conservative or loony liberal blogger, I'd probably seize on the obvious metaphor Cap's death presents – the death of liberty, the death of freedom, etc. ad nauseam – and use it to my political advantage. And if I had 24 hours of news to generate a day, instead of about 30 column inches, I'd probably fill some of that time with Cap's passing. But it isn't a metaphor for anything, no matter how much they're trying to convince you it is.
Here's what happened, in case you don't know. Marvel Comics has been telling this massive crossover story called Civil War for about a year now. There were seven main issues, but if you wanted to read the whole story, you needed to collect a couple hundred comics. Which I didn't, by the way. But this is the gist: a super-hero-related catastrophe kills a bunch of people, and in response, the government passes the Superhuman Registration Act, requiring all super-powered denizens of the Marvel Universe to get licensed.
It's a pretty paper-thin allegory for the country's reaction to 9-11, of course, except with one major difference – this time, it leads to a big ol' super-hero throwdown, with men and women in tights and capes beating the shit out of each other. Because that's just what they do. Anyway, Iron Man leads the pro-registration side, and Captain America leads the anti-registration side. They have a fight, Cap loses, he's taken to jail, and on the way out of his arraignment, he's shot and killed by a sniper.
Now, here's where I can separate the people who've read comics from the people who haven't. The ones who have just rolled their eyes at the bit about Cap being shot and killed, and immediately thought, "Yeah, right." This happens all the time in comics, particularly mainstream super-hero comics. (And as a side rant, comics is the only industry I can think of where stories about flying men in capes punching each other is considered "mainstream," and stories about real people having real relationships is considered "alternative.") There's hardly a mainstream comic book character that hasn't been killed and brought back to life, and some have done the resurrection game multiple times.
Hell, doesn't everyone remember 1993, when Superman died? Like, really, well and truly died? Except for the part where they brought him back to life six months later, I mean. I'd bet money that some of you (and I'm right there with you) have the fabled Death of Superman issue (Superman #75) in the black bag with the armband, and I know hundreds of people bought those as investments. And now they're worth nothing, because Superman's back, and everyone who wanted Superman #75 has four of them.
Captain America #25 will be the same thing. Cap will be back in six months – the book is called Captain America, and it continues to be published, so, you know, hard to do that without Captain America. Someone else will wear the costume for a while, but a few months from now, they'll decide they need the One, True Cap back, and you'll find out that the man who was shot was a clone or something, and the real Cap has been ferreted off somewhere to lie low until "the right time" for his grand return.
Aren't super-hero comics silly?
I guess what I'm saying is, don't believe it. Marvel's appealing to patriotism and the national mood, hoping that you'll buy what they're selling without questioning it too much, and they really hope you don't remember the lies they told last time they tried to sell you the same thing. "It's different this time," they're saying. "It means something. Trust us." And they're confident that, with the media on their side, people will take them at their word.
Wait a second. Maybe this is a metaphor after all…
I could stare at the cover of the Arcade Fire's Neon Bible for hours.
It's a simple, shifting design – an actual neon bible, with neon pages that flip as you tilt the box back and forth. If you get bored with that, you can open the box and play with the two nifty flip books, one depicting that same neon bible, the other a group of synchronized swimmers. The sleeve the CD comes in is neat, too – it's translucent black plastic, which you can see through if you hold it up to the light. The band spent an awful lot of money on this package, and it was worth every penny – it offers tons of fun without having to turn your CD player on.
Oh, yeah, there's also a disc with music on it included, the second full-length from this Montreal septet. Seven people in this band? That's right, and as you might expect, their sound is appropriately huge, like an ever-expanding horizon line. Under the direction of singer/guitarist Win Butler, the group has taken giant steps toward a massive vision of towering sonic weight, with strings, horns, all manner of percussion, vocal layering, organs, pianos, and basically anything else they can find.
The result is something grand, and it just keeps getting grander. Their first full-length, Funeral, matched that big, bold sound with inward-looking lyrics about pain and death. Neon Bible, named after the other novel by John Kennedy Toole (A Confederacy of Dunces), is outward-looking, a treatise against the evils of the world, from religion to the government to all the other usual suspects. It's less of an emotional roller coaster, but thanks to some wild production, it's more of a musical ride.
Neon Bible opens with "Black Mirror," a crawling, ominous dirge that lets you know right away just how much bigger the sound on this record will be. The gentle strumming that kicks it off serves as a foundation, on which the band builds layer after layer of pianos, strings and sound effects, until Butler is forced to wail atop the din to be heard. It never spins out of control, although some parts of it (and of the album as a whole) sound stuffed between your speakers, like a water balloon full to bursting.
Things get a lot more accessible and upbeat with "Keep the Car Running," a firecracker of a song that introduces Neon Bible's biggest influence, songwriting-wise: Bruce Springsteen. I'm not sure how to explain the recent surge in the Boss' popularity, but between the Killers, the Hold Steady and this record, Springsteen should feel pretty good about the impact he's had on popular music. Arcade Fire take what most everyone takes from Springsteen – a directness, a simplicity and a quest for anthemic grandiosity.
That tendency reaches its apex on "Intervention," the first single and perhaps the most shout-to-the-sky song here. It begins with a speaker-filling organ sound, which stays for the whole song, yet somehow makes way for guitars, crashing drums, a powerful string line, a children's choir, and Butler's careening, pleading voice. For a guy raised on U2, it's hard for me not to like something like this, something that so earnestly and unironically aims for life-changing, world-altering power. By the end of this track, you're either on board or you're not, because this is what Arcade Fire has been working towards.
The record's not over, of course, although some of the songs in the second half deliver diminishing returns when compared with "Intervention." Moments of heart-stopping grandeur crop up in nearly every song – check out the Twin Peaks-esque female vocals in "Black Wave/Bad Vibrations," or the almost scary strings in "Windowsill." And check out all of "Ocean of Noise," a 1950s-inspired surf ballad that slowly transforms into a horn-drenched showstopper.
But oddly, Neon Bible's high point may be a new old song – "No Cars Go" appeared on their self-titled EP from 2003, but not like this. It was always a high-energy romp, a freewheeling eruption with senseless, mantra-like lyrics ("We know a place where no cars go…"), but here it's a technicolor wonderland, simply the most joyous piece of music I've heard this year. I even love the '80s-rock "HEY" that punctuates every few bars. It isn't much of a song, but it is a massive release of tension, and downbeat album closer "My Body is a Cage" serves as a nice coda, putting your feet back on the ground.
Neon Bible is another step forward for Arcade Fire, a band that shows off real sonic ambition in a field that rarely applauds that sort of thing. The accolades for Funeral were so far above the reality of the album that nothing could have matched them, but thankfully Neon Bible tries for it instead of shying away from the expectation. The band produced this thing themselves, so there's no doubt this is the direction they want to go – aching to fill an ever-wider screen, angling to be the biggest band in the world. If they can keep up the growth they've shown on Neon Bible, they might get there someday.
A couple of quick things before I go.
I owe Jeff Maxwell a debt of thanks for turning me on to No More Kings. I bought the album this week on his recommendation, and really enjoyed it. No More Kings isn't a band, per se – it's a project based around Rhode Island singer-songwriter Pete Mitchell and his multi-instrumentalist partner Neil Robins, and features a rotating cast of thousands.
If you're up on your School House Rock lore, you probably already recognized their band name. (We're gonna elect a president! He's gonna do what the people want!) If that doesn't tip you off to Mitchell's direction here, the front cover will – he's in full Karate Kid getup, doing the crane kick stance on top of a 1980s-style boom box. If you guessed that you're going to get songs about Knight Rider and other '80s touchstones, go to the head of the class.
But what you may not have guessed is that No More Kings is a well-crafted, genuinely enjoyable pop record with a big, wide heart. Yeah, you get "Sweep the Leg," all about the final scenes of the Karate Kid, and you get "Michael (Jump In)," sung from the point of view of KITT from Knight Rider, but you also get delightful songs like "Grand Experiment," about the ol' rat race of life, and sweet numbers like "Umbrella," a song I'd accept from any of my favorite songwriters.
And there is one point on the record where Mitchell takes a path I hope he travels down again in the future – "About Schroeder" is a brief yet wonderful ballad about the piano-playing recluse from the Peanuts strip. (Although it is Lucy, not Sally, that has the crush on him, Pete…) This song does what songwriters like Jonathan Coulton do so well – it finds the deep emotion in its pop cultural references, allowing those who grew up with Peanuts to look at it in a way we've never seen it before.
But if you're not into that, I guarantee you will laugh at the call-and-response section of "Zombie Me." And here, check out the hilarious video for "Sweep the Leg" here.
If all goes to plan, Jeff Maxwell will be a father in just a couple of weeks. He's one of my oldest friends, dating back to high school at Mt. St. Charles in Rhode Island, and I'm glad we're still in touch. Thanks for the recommendation, Jeff, and congrats to you and Melis.
Ending on a sad note this time. I just heard about the death of Brad Delp.
Delp was the lead singer of Boston, and half the reason that band was so good at what they did. Boston gets a lot of flack for what many have described as a corporate rock sound, but man, there never was a less corporate mainstream rock band. Their main man, Tom Scholz, is a perfectionist beyond all reason, taking sometimes up to eight years (and numerous lawsuits) to finish a 40-minute album, which means we never got to hear as much of Brad Delp's soaring, layered vocals as we could have.
But the pair did give us Third Stage, one of the finest pop albums ever made. Nearly six years in the making, the album is a masterpiece of production, with some incredible and heartbreaking songs. I wore out my 1986 cassette of that record, playing it over and over as a teenager, and it still holds up. And one of the main reasons is Brad Delp, harmonizing with himself and singing his heart out. Later Boston albums saw Delp shunted to the sidelines to make room for Fran Cosmo and Kimberly Dahme. I thought that was a shame at the time, and I think it's even more of one now.
So long, Brad. You were one of the best.
Next week, Type O Negative.
See you in line Tuesday morning.
Previous PostHere Comes the FloodNext PostCollecting the Collective
a column by andre salles
Some Words of Thanks As the Music Fades December 29, 2020
We've Been Here Too Long
The 2020 Top 10 List December 22, 2020
Not-Quites and Also-Rans
The Honorable Mentions of 2020 December 15, 2020
Music for a Socially Distant Holiday December 8, 2020
The Last Reviews Part Two
Final Thoughts on Five New Albums December 1, 2020
Archive by Month Select Month December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 October 2001 September 2001 August 2001 July 2001 June 2001 May 2001 April 2001 March 2001 February 2001 January 2001 December 2000 November 2000
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Paul SD, Kuntz KM, Eagle KA, Weinstein MC. Costs and effectiveness of angiotensin converting enzyme inhibition in patients with congestive heart failure. Arch Intern Med. 1994 May 23;154:1143-9.
To determine the cost-effectiveness of adding either enalapril or the hydralazine-isosorbide combination to digoxin plus diuretic therapy in patients with congestive heart failure (CHF).
Decision analytic model to analyze the costs with efficacy data obtained from 3 randomized controlled trials, the Studies of Left Ventricular Dysfunction (SOLVD), and the Vasodilator Heart Failure Trials I and II.
Patients with CHF and left ventricular ejection fractions ≤ 0.35.
Patients were assigned to standard therapy (digoxin and diuretic therapy plus no vasodilator agents) alone or with either a combination of hydralazine hydrochloride, 300 mg/d, and isosorbide dinitrate,160 mg/d, or enalapril, 20 mg/d.
Effectiveness and costs were evaluated using a decision analytic model considering mortality and hospitalizations. Sensitivity analyses identified which variables (cost of drug, cost of hospitalization, efficacy of drug) were influential in determining incremental cost-effectiveness ratios. All costs are in 1992 US dollars.
In the base case analysis, the analysts assumed that treatment was continued for 10 years and that treatment efficacy lasted for 10 years. The model predicted that treating patients with hydralazine-isosorbide therapy would save an additional 8 days of life with a marginal cost of $119 (the overall cost of treating a patient with hydralazine-isosorbide therapy minus the costs averted by fewer hospitalizations compared with standard therapy), yielding an incremental cost-effectiveness ratio of $5600 per year of life saved. The additional cost of a patient treated with enalapril compared with the hydralazine-isosorbide combination was $2569 and the gain in life was 3 months, yielding an incremental cost-effectiveness ratio of $9700 per year of life saved. The results of the analysis were minimally sensitive to the duration of vasodilator efficacy, the effectiveness of treatment, or variations in risk reduction.
The gain in longevity per patient from enalapril relative to the hydralazine-isosorbide combination or no vasodilator therapy (3 months) was similar to gains from other widely used medications, whereas the additional cost per year of life saved (approximately $10 000) was relatively small compared with other commonly used treatments.
For article reprint: Dr. S. D. Paul, Cardiac Unit, Massachusetts General Hospital, Ellison Room 908, Boston MA 02114, USA. FAX 617-724-4932.
Angiotensin-converting enzyme (ACE) inhibitors directly reduce vasoconstriction caused by angiotensin II. They also may inhibit degradation of the endogenous vasodilator bradykinin. These effects make ACE inhibitors valuable in treating CHF and hypertension and in slowing the decline of renal function in persons with diabetes . Several large trials have shown decreases in mortality among persons with CHF and improvement in their quality of life, with some studies using enalapril as the ACE inhibitor (1-3).
Paul and colleagues used decision analysis and economic models to show that enalapril therapy was more expensive but more effective than a hydralazine-isosorbide regimen. Because the study relied on data from randomized trials, its inferences are strong. Other researchers have reached similar conclusions (1).
Little reason exists to doubt that other ACE inhibitors would be similarly cost-effective. If the price of enalapril decreased or if other efficiencies were identified, the regimen might decrease costs in addition to prolonging life. The enhancement of the quality of life, at least for the first 2 to 3 years, makes this therapy even more attractive (1). This quality-of-life-enhancing effect has not been shown in patients with asymptomatic CHF, although the SOLVD study (3) did show a delay in the time to development of symptoms for patients taking enalapril.
1. Wilde MI, Bryson HM, Goa KL. Enalapril. A review of quality-of-life and pharmacoeconomic aspects of its use in heart failure and mild to moderate hypertension. Pharmacoeconomics. 1994;6:155-82.
2. Cohn JN, Johnson G, Ziesche S, et al. A comparison of enalapril with hydralazine-isosorbide dinitrate in the treatment of chronic congestive failure. N Engl J Med. 1991;325:303-10.
3. The SOLVD Investigators. Effect of enalapril on survival in patients with reduced left ventricular ejection fractions and congestive heart failure. N Engl J Med. 1991;325:293-302.


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text:
Q: Kotlin Char compareTo fails I have a following code snippet in Kotlin:
val pair: Pair<Char,Char> = 'z' to 'z'
val comparison = pair.first.compareTo(pair.second)
println(comparison)

It fails at the second line with the following exception when I try to run it:

java.lang.ClassCastException: java.lang.Character cannot be cast to java.lang.Number

IDE (IntelliJ) doesn't complain about any wrong type. The issue is somehow related to the fact that Chars are coming from Pair<Char, Char> because 'z'.compareTo('z') works fine. Do you know how Kotlin resolves the following call?
I'm using Kotlin 1.0.4

A: TL;DR Apparently, this is a compiler bug.
The reason for this behavior lies in the bytecode that the Kotlin compiler generates for these two calls. (If you use IntelliJ IDEA, you can inspect the bytecode using the bytecode viewing tool).
First, the bytecode generated for the 'z'.compareTo('z') call is:
LINENUMBER 10 L3
BIPUSH 122
BIPUSH 122
INVOKESTATIC kotlin/jvm/internal/Intrinsics.compare (II)I

It calls kotlin.jvm.internal.Intrisics.compare() that compares two Ints, and the Chars are pushed to the stack directly as Ints (BIPUSH means push byte as integer).
But if you look at the bytecode for pair.first.compareTo(pair.second), you will find something like this:
ALOAD 1
INVOKEVIRTUAL kotlin/Pair.getFirst ()Ljava/lang/Object;
CHECKCAST java/lang/Number
INVOKEVIRTUAL java/lang/Number.intValue ()I

ALOAD 1
INVOKEVIRTUAL kotlin/Pair.getSecond ()Ljava/lang/Object;
CHECKCAST java/lang/Number
INVOKEVIRTUAL java/lang/Number.intValue ()I

INVOKESTATIC kotlin/jvm/internal/Intrinsics.compare (II)I

It calls kotlin.jvm.internal.Intrisics.compare, too, but here's what it tries to do before:

*

*Get the component from the pair (the ALOAD 1 and INVOKEVIRTUAL ... lines)

*Check that the object can be cast to Number (CHECKCAST ...)

*Take java.lang.Number.intValue() (INVOKEVIRTUAL ...)

The second and the third lines are the culprit, Char is not a Number. It simply looks like the compiler generated incorrect bytecode for this comparison (it would be correct for the Number types, seems like Char is just not handled separately).
There is an issue about this in the Kotlin issue tracker, it will likely be fixed in future releases.

To fix the call in your code for now, you can convert the Chars manually before the call:
pair.first.toInt().compareTo(pair.second.toInt())

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
MOZART Gran Partita
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Jan 1756 - Dec 1791)
2 oboes, 2 clarinets, 2 bassoons, 2 basset horns, 4 horn in F, 1 string bass
This harmoniemusik, which was specially composed for a public concert given by Anton Stadler in 1784, is famous for its perfect harmony and soft melodic line. It is a piece with texture, which is attributed to the use of unique combinations of instruments of the era, scoring, rhythm and articulation. In addition to the usual harmonie ensemble of two oboes, two clarinets, two horns, and two bassoons, Mozart adds two more horns, a pair of basset horns, and a string bass.
WHAT'S BASSET HORN?
The Basset Horn is a curious member of the clarinet family. Traditionally, it is a small bore (roughly equal to the bore size of the B-flat and A Clarinets) instrument pitched in F (a fifth lower than written). Again, traditionally, the Basset Horn was to be played by B-flat/A Clarinetists with the same mouthpiece used on those instruments. However, in practicality, most modern instruments do not conform to this ideal. The bore has been enlarged, and in some cases is the exact same as to be found in the Alto Clarinet, so that in reality, the Basset Horn is now simply and Alto Clarinet in F.
Largo-Molto Allegro
The first movement begins with a slow introduction and leads into the Allegro Moderato section, which is in monothematic sonata form. The first theme is played by the clarinets, later taken over by the basset horns and the oboes in a modified form as the second theme.
The second movement features a minuet and two contrasting trio sections. In the minuet section, all instruments are used extensively. The first trio employs only the clarinets and basset horns and leads into a repeat of the minuet section. The second trio uses the solo oboe, the basset horn and the bassoon extensively.
The third movement is a lovely tune showcasing a conversation among three soloist friends, namely the oboe, the clarinet, and the basset horn. A syncopated pulse occurs almost throughout the movement while the solo lines alternate between the solo oboe, the clarinet and the basset horn.
Menuetto – Allegretto
The fourth movement has two trio sections, just like the second movement. The first trio, by contrast, has fewer staccato notes and is in the parallel minor, B-flat minor. After the minuet section is repeated, the second trio is played in F major.
Romance – Adagio
The fifth movement returns to the slow tempo, beginning and ending with an Adagio section in the tonic and the triple meter, and with many long notes in the melody. Between the beginning and the ending, a Allegretto section showcases a contrast with a constant pulse in the bassoons.
Tema Con Variazioni
The sixth movement is a set of six variations in andante theme, primarily presented by the solo clarinet. The variations make use of various rhythmic motives and often feature solo instruments.
Finale: Molto Allegro
The final movement is a rondo with many tutti passages where the oboes and the clarinets play in unison. The episodes between the returns of the theme feature a greater degree of interplay amongst its instruments.
Mozart's full name was Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart.
He was afraid of the trumpet as a child. His favourite instrument was the clarinet, for which he wrote his first concerto.
It was said that Mozart transcribed Allegri's Miserere, a 5-part choral composition, at the age of 14 after hearing it once. This was the first recorded case of "musical piracy".
He had many pets, including a dog, a starling, a canary, and a horse.
Mozart's lifelong rival, Antonio Salieri, claimed to have poisoned Mozart. However, this claim was never proven.
PrevPreviousHAYDN String Quartet in B-flat, op. 76, No. 4
NextMOZART Quintet for Piano and WindsNext


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The Club owns 165 acres and offers trap, skeet, sporting clays and 5-Stand shooting. The Clubhouse is over 3,000 square feet and has a commercial grade kitchen that is open during normal operating hours. In addition, there is a campground with 26 camp sites that have electric and water hook-ups. The Club is open year round on Wednesdays from 4 to 8 PM and Sundays from 10 AM to 4 PM. The public is always welcome. The Club holds numerous trap shoots that are registered with the Amateur Trapshooting Association (ATA). Additionally, the Club has summer skeet and 5-Stand leagues and participates in a multi-club sporting clays league in the winter months. Please refer to the complete schedule of events for details of activities at the Club. For more information you can contact the Clubhouse at 814-368-6245 or Mike Schuler, President at 814-598-2186.
The Bradford Gun Club has nine regulation trap fields. These fields face to the northwest and have a tree background. Four of the fields are lighted. The traps used are PAT traps with Canterbury voice release systems and all orange White Flyer targets are thrown. A radar gun is used to accurately set target speed. At registered shoots the R. J. Stuart software system is used to prepare bulletin sheets, calculate payouts, prepare payout checks and report results to the ATA.
The Club has three skeet fields with one of the fields being lighted.
5-STAND
The 5 stand course has 7 traps used to present a variety of interesting and challenging targets. The target presentations and menus are changed regularly to keep the course "fresh".
Sporting Clays Course
The 18 station sporting clays course is laid out on a mostly flat ½ mile circuit. A combination of Lincoln hand set and automatic traps are used to present some exciting stations. The course is primarily a woodland course, but long and close presentations are always on the menus. The club does not have rental golf carts, but shooters are welcome to bring their own carts.
Nestled in the foothills of the Allegheny Mountains, 90 miles south of Buffalo, New York, Bradford is located in the heart of the Pennsylvania oil regions. In 1878, the town was the very center of a flourishing oil industry. In 1878, the oil fields produced nearly half of the entire nation's oil production.
This same group of pioneers in the "oil game" played the leading role in the area's clay pigeon shooting game. The Bradford Shooting Club was established in 1880 and the sport continued to grow as the club's successor, the Bradford Gun club, was formed in 1930. The hub of the shooting game in those days was the Gun Club's elegant stone clubhouse. Pennsylvania state shoots were held at Bradford in 1908, 1917, 1931, 1936, 1941, and 1948.
Shooters from as far as Texas and Oklahoma were regulars for the Gun Club's famous Green Corn events. Among the early highlights at the club was the annual match featuring Bradford's Mallory family vs. the famed DuPont family of Wilmington, Delaware. Early prominent club members included L.G. Dana, winner of the 1934 GAH. James Lewis, a "pro" settled in the area for a time and introduced the "Lewis" class system, now used the world over. In 1989, Jack Titus, another club member, won the GAH.
The Club's directors, faced with an offer that they could not resist, sold the stone clubhouse and shooting grounds in 1968, helping to make way for a new shopping mall. The equipment was packed and put in storage in a local barn and receipts from the sale were held in trust with the interest from the trust given to local charity each year. So it remained until 1977, when the only two remaining club trustees, Robert Habgood and Arthur Simmons, encouraged a group of local shooters to build a new shooting facility.
After a new site was selected, the Bradford Gun Club was reorganized and a Board of Directors formed. In 1980, actual construction began, and in August of 1981, registered shooting returned to the Bradford area.
The great shooters of the state's history have shot and won state championships at Bradford between 1908 and 1948. Steve Crothers captured his 7th state singles title there with a 200 straight in 1931. His daughter Alice, also captured the ladies title. Crothers also captured the doubles title along with the HAA and the HOA titles.
In 1936, Crothers again won the singles title (his 11th), the handicap championship, the HAA and the HOA. Andy Long prevented him from winning all the titles by winning the doubles. In 1941, perhaps the greatest shoot off in state history took place between Steve Crothers and Walter Beaver, with Crothers winning his 14th and last singles title. The shoot off between these hall of famers went 175 targets with Crothers breaking them all. The last shoot was held in 1948 with hometown shooter Al Maulhaupt winning the doubles title.
Since the original construction in 1980 the Clubhouse has been doubled in size allowing more dining area as well as an office used for the cashier and computer operations. The trap fields were expanded to allow for 8 event traps and a practice trap. Three of the fields are "combination fields" allowing both trap and skeet shooting. In the late 1990's a sporting clays course with 9 stations was built. This course was later expanded to 18 stations spread across a ½ mile course. In 2008, a Five Stand course was added by using one of the combo trap/skeet fields and adding an additional 4 traps to create 7 target launching locations.
The Club does not have a pro shop, but does maintain an inventory of shells available for purchase at market prices. In addition to registered shoots and club sponsored events, the Club holds a number of fund raising shoots. Currently the Club hosts a shoot for the Univ. of Pittsburgh at Bradford baseball program, the Allegheny Highlands Chapter of the Boy Scouts and the Bradford Hospital Foundation. The Club can also be reserved for exclusive corporate events.
Download membership application
Area Motels
There are a number of close by motels and bed-n-breakfasts. A few are listed below:
Comfort Inn…………..814-368-6772
Best Western…………814-362-4501
Motel Desoto………..814-362-3567
Heritage Suites………814-362-6820
Bradford Area Chamber of Commerce – www.BradfordChamber.com


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Researchers studied more than 2,000 retirees from a French national utility company and found that workers who had high exposure to chlorinated solvents, petroleum solvents and benzene were at the greatest risk of long-term cognitive problems. Time may not fully lessen the effect of the damage, according to the study abstract, which cited impairment in some retirees who were exposed up to 50 years before testing.
Retired workers with prolonged exposure to solvents may benefit from regular cognitive screening to catch problems early, researchers said. Other tips included taking part in mentally stimulating activities, as well as screening and treatment for heart problems that can affect cognitive health.
The study was published online May 13 in the journal Neurology.


text:
A Coupla White Chicks...2007
An Insightful Look at What's Happening on The New York Stage
A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking
Texan firecracker and voyeur Hannah Mae usurps Maude's quiet and obsessive compulsive life in upper-class Westchester County in John Ford Noonan's comedy about female cuckolds and the spousal ties that bind. With the rich aroma of coffee wafting through the audience and a set that's true to suburbia, many of the production elements for this show are impressive. However, the plot development is so incredulous that it resembles an overly-extended ruse that even these gifted actresses can't pull off.
Reviewed by Cindy Pierre
It never ceases to amaze me what set designers can do with Manhattan Theatre Source's modest space. In John Ford Noonan's A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking, David Roman and Ed McNamee transform the set into a warm, enviable home. Cookies are baked and laundry is meticulously folded by Maude Mix, model housewife and upstanding citizen. As we watch Maude go through the carefully calculated steps of her life, it is difficult to discern why flashy and overzealous new neighbor Hannah Mae would be fascinated by her subject. And from henceforward unravels some questionable, albeit entertaining, events.
Actress Nancy Sirianni is incredibly comfortable in Maude's skin as she exhibits poise, rigidity, and an understated sexiness. Ironically, though quite up to the role, Monica Russell's Hannah Mae seems slightly forced. With her gaudy reds to Maude's grays and blues, her lack of decorum and imposing presence are seemingly a costume that she dons with the beginning of each scene.
Intermittently, the pace of the scene changes should be hastened and the cues for the change music should be modified. As these changes are performed in the dark with no visual stimuli, the attention given to the mistakes is amplified.
Noonan is remiss to have Carl Joe, husband to Hannah Mae and a major vehicle in the plot, remain an offstage character. It is a practical strategy in the interest of keeping this play a two-character and female-only affair, but it is also an anticlimax. After all, Carl Joe is a catalyst for the preposterous change in Hannah Mae and Maude's relationship, and the men in the women's lives are, indubitably, what shapes them into the people that they are.
As characters go, Maude and Hannah Mae defy the literary laws. They encounter a conflict, metamorphose in response to it, engage in poorly executed fight choreography intended to be comical, but in the end, regress to their former selves. These white chicks rarely sit down to talk, but this doesn't impede their growing need for one other. Though far from plausible and ankle-deep in lunacy, A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking does manage to titillate and entertain.
Manhattan TheatreSource177 MacDougal Street, NYC 10011