It was an honor a couple of weeks ago to attend the ADL Ministerial Ordination for Rev. Tina Livingston at Unity of the Gardens, in Jupiter, FL. The opportunity to witness the ordination of another seeker on their spiritual path who is taking deliberate action, and reconnect with ADL friends and colleagues was especially fun.
While walking around the grounds at Unity in the Garden, I was enamored by their labyrinth (it always brings joy to my heart to spend time with labyrinths), enjoying its energy, walking the path, and connecting with Source.
As typically occurs for me when walking and experiencing a labyrinth, I experience a heightened sense of awareness, which at times can be distracting, or it can offer a sense of mindfulness. Such an awareness presented itself during this walk.
I became intimately aware of the shade that was cast by the nearby trees and the afternoon sun. The break in the trees did not cast a shadow across the entire labyrinth, just various parts, so as I walked the path, I would be enveloped in sun one moment, then shade the next. As the path twisted and turned, I could always make out the path directly in front of me, but shifting between sun and shade, it took some time for my eyes to adjust to actually see anything other than what was directly in front of me.
As I was nearly finished, I had the knowing or realization that this is a true metaphor for how we can and do sometimes view our life. We are happy when the path in front of us is illumined and our eyes are open wide to see the boundaries, and when we shift into the shade or darkness, we might tend to feel uneasy or unsure of the path, until our eyes or senses can see and guide our way forward.
Rev. Tina Livingston, who was ordained just before I walked that labyrinth, started on the ADL path using the same path and materials we all have. While she was on that journey, she encountered shadows along the way, as I can imagine everyone else does who travels that path. Those who have been ordained have successfully traversed those shadows along the path towards ordination.
As we go through and along the path of our human existence on this Earth plane, we can be certain that there will be light and shadows along our way. Through our faith and trusting of our connection and oneness with Source, we affirm that the shadow is temporary and a measure for our learning and growth.
In that awareness, I bless you along your path.
Indeed, whenever I watch the news, read a newspaper, or view my social media accounts, that we seem to want to talk and not listen, and we end up talking past one another. When we hear or read something that is not in alignment with our views or thoughts, we tend to either begin an argument or shut down and move on.
This action and response, I believe, is actually causing more hurt and damage to our country than just about anything else.
Let me take you down a story path.
Very recently, my wife, Rev. Barbara Harris, and I decided to take our 5th-year anniversary vacation to Buenos Aires, Argentina, for a week. We would stay away from the tourist hotels by choosing a quaint hotel in the historic San Telmo neighborhood. I tried basic Spanish lessons through an on-line language site, Babbel, and my wife was much more adept than I in learning through that methodology. As has happened in my previous overseas travel, my Japanese-language skills would present themselves only when I traveled to Germany, and my German language skills would only be remembered when I would travel in Japan. Needless to say, it really confused my hosts, not to mention me.
On this trip, having never having traveled to any country in South America, I was excited and nervous about what was going to come out my mouth this time!
I was comforted the entire week that with a smile and an attempt at speaking their language (hand gestures helped a lot!), we were able to get through the week. We also found it interesting that the Argentinians were very adept at meeting us where we were, vis-a-vis their language. They were more adept in using their limited English than we were using our limited Spanish. Collectively, we each made an effort to communicate, and it worked!
Is it possible, that we take a very similar approach when we have to interact or deal with unpleasant situations or circumstances?
Through reaching out to meet others where they are, and not where we think they should be, we just might have one of the keys to a more civilized society.
My vehicle required repair after an accident, and I was authorized a rental car. Going through the insurance process to get the car was uneventful, and my car was taken to the auto body shop to be repaired.
My rental car is a different make than my vehicle, and I'm having to learn the light switches, location of the gas fill, heater blower controls and dashboard location of the speedometer, fuel tank indicator, and even the radio. What has been really confusing is the navigation system.
I took a few minutes (while in the driveway, and NOT driving) to run through the configuration menu to set it up for my liking even for the few days that I've have the vehicle. Alas, I was never able to get the navigation display to work as I wanted.
I wanted to have the vehicle icon displayed in the center of the navigation screen and the road ahead taking the majority of the top of the screen. Instead the screen's orientation was (maybe permanently?) set to display the vehicle in relation to compass directions; north was at the top of the navigation display, south was at the bottom, east on the right, and west to the left.
I was confounded when I was heading south I could not see much of the road where I was heading. I could see where I had been, but not what was yet to come. I wanted the display to show me where I was heading, not where I had already been.
The more I continued the thought of whining and complaining, I wondered about the real issue.
I wanted the navigation display to show me what was in front of me, not where I had already been. When I'm driving straight ahead but headed east, the display was showing that I was driving off the right side of the display.
I had to chuckle when I realized just how much my frustration with the navigation display was similar to how I wanted to know where my life is headed. I want to see the path of my life displayed in front of me. I want to see where I might need to change direction to avoid traffic or other hazards.
From my work with labyrinths, I am familiar with a single path with both right and left turns that will eventually take me to the center. I want my navigation display to show me where those turns are ― just as I want to see those twists and hazards that could impede my life.
After I finished laughing at myself for my foolishness, I accepted the rental car navigation system for its design and realized that I'll only have the car for a couple of days and to just live with it, and use this lesson as this month's article.
During the past several years I have been engaged in additional formal religious studies. These courses have challenged my beliefs and have forced me to actually articulate my understandings into coherent thoughts and ideas.
I grew up with the understanding of being able to have a personal relationship with God, and not having to go through anyone else, and that God was not a deity "up there" but within, and "heaven" was all around.
In school, we learn the alphabet, then take those lessons of combining letters into words, then words into sentences, and sentences into paragraphs. Once those basics are understood, we use those tools to learn ideas and concepts about anything and everything; science, math, literature. It's through those words and the understanding we assign to them that we validate our beliefs or allow our minds to be changed by those words.
I admit I have changed over the past several years. I might suggest it is a sign of maturity. I tend to think that it's more of a refinement or deeper understanding of held beliefs that raised my awareness and understanding. Whatever the reason, I find it comforting, although there are times when I slip back into old thought patterns. In those times, I don't berate myself for the transgression ― I just remind myself of my newly adopted beliefs and move on my way.
"God is within me as me" has been a long-held belief. Yet, when I would lose my keys or some other object, I would immediately blurt out, "Thank you, God" for helping me to find the missing object. On my tithe check, in the Memo line, I'd always write, "Thank You, God", with the belief, knowledge, and understanding that God is the source of all, with everything originating through God.
By thanking a deity, or spirit, or God, for some action or activity, I have essentially caused a separation between myself and God. It may even be the God within me that I'm thanking, but it's still a separation.
If I truly believe that I am born in the image and likeness of God, and that I can do all things, and that I am not separated from God, then why do I continue to use such language? I chalk it up to old habits.
On the Memo line of my tithe check, I now use, "Embracing Divine Mind". When finding a formerly lost object, I don't blurt out "Thank You, God", I acknowledge my connection in and with Spirit (i.e., God).
I understand that we as ADL Ministers are as diverse in our beliefs and share the common understanding of the "greatest degree of love" in all situations. I encourage everyone to listen with a discerning ear to the language you use in articulating individual beliefs, and see if your language matches the belief and understanding of your heart.
It was about a year ago when I spoke at a Unity church near the Shenandoah National Forest. My topic for that lesson (no sermons, thank you very much), as it was nearing Halloween, was "Bubbling in the Cauldron".
I got to thinking about that lesson lately, and not because Halloween candy and costumes are everywhere. I sense now more than ever that society is bubbling in a sea of anxiety ― fueled by misinformation, personalized and political agendas, efforts to divide our citizens, and a seeming war on those who want to be productive citizens in our country by those who spread fear and hate.
I spoke to the congregation using the metaphor of a cauldron as a representation of our body. Adding more ingredients (i.e., eye of newt, alligator tail, blood of bat, and such) to keep the stew bubbling is very similar to the daily news, police blotter, news radio (which really is NOT news but more of a politicized infomercial spewing intolerant rhetoric than reporting unbiased facts-of-the-matter), or newspapers where some have turned into publishing propaganda that barely reflects reality.
I have been reading materials from my personal library that I've wanted to read for some time, and came across a 1988 article by Eric Butterworth, "Reflections On Truth". Within the article Mr. Butterworth defines "Truth" (with a capital "T") as a point of reference. Truth is the "absolute", the "divine principle; that which is, has been, and ever will be; that eternally is". "Fact" is that which has existence and can be proven because it is apparent to the senses. We can see it, hear it, feel it, taste it, and/or smell it.
Butterworth goes on to explain that in the morning you can see the sun rise and in the evening you can see the sun set. By definition, that's a fact because you can see it.
He continues on by helping the man see that while the sunrise and sunset are facts, it is actually an appearance, because the sun does not rise or set, the sun is shining all the time. It's only where you are that the sun appears to move.
We have an obligation to discern appearances, facts, and Truth. In that discernment, we would serve ourselves by not succumbing to the turmoil that continues to churn the cauldron. The steam and bubbles from that cauldron only make for fogging our senses.
I'm not advocating burying your head in the sand or not sharing your voice in joining others.
What I am advocating is to speak words of Truth in a heart-felt and compassionate way. Nothing is gained by continuing to add fuel to a fire. It's only through love and light that we eliminate the darkness and still the bubbling cauldron.
 August is my annual visit to family in Northeast Ohio and to participate in a high school marching band showcase. This year's trip was different in that our travel originated in Florida instead of Virginia and doubled in length.
The reason for the extended trip was to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday and attend a family reunion ― something that last occurred about 45 years ago.
My wife, Rev. Barbara Harris, and I took some day side trips while in the area. One such trip was to Lake View Cemetery in Cleveland. Not being one to routinely visit cemeteries, there was a special purpose to this visit, as Barbara wanted to see the obelisk placed at the grave site of industrialist John D. Rockefeller (and yes, a handful of dimes were on his tombstone, left by visitors in remembrance of his penchant to hand out shiny dimes to poor children as an act to bring happiness into their lives).
On the way to visiting the Rockefeller obelisk, we came across the tomb of Elliot Ness (famous lawman during Prohibition), the Weeping Angel, a bronze statue seated on a marble gravestone where the statue appears to be weeping black tears, Alan Freed, credited with creating the phrase "Rock & Roll," President Garfield's Memorial, and the Wade Chapel, containing an original 1920 Tiffany stained-glass window and wall mosaics.
As we were driving throughout the cemetery, I was struck by the number of monuments; obelisks, angels, statues, crosses and such. What also struck me was the different sizes, from small shoebox size to massive marble and granite that towered as tall as trees. I felt sad that many of these monuments or grave sites have been here for years or even decades with no visitors, other than gawkers who might be interested in seeing the name associated with such a massive remembrance.
I wondered if these monuments were in some way associated with how each person felt they wanted to be remembered or rewarded for their life. I felt sad that these monuments might be that reflection, and only through research might a passerby learn their story.
Leaving remembrance monuments is not right or wrong. It is in our culture for those who choose. Whatever your personal views regarding disposition of a physical body once life has left, it is your individual choice.
We too have a choice in how we are remembered, not just by friends or relatives, but through our actions and deeds.
I'm reminded of the action caused when dropping a pebble into water, and the concentric circles that emanate from that original impact point. I would offer that might be a greater legacy than any granite or marble monument. How we as spiritual beings, as pathfinders, as light workers, conscious, or aware, embrace and affect the physical world around us in a positive and loving way is truly the best monument and legacy anyone could hope.
My relocation from the hustle and bustle of Northern Virginia to the (more laid back) sunny and humid shores of Florida's Space Coast is as complete as it can get. I am now focused on dodging the daily afternoon thundershowers (and remembering to keep my car's sunroof closed, even at the vent setting) and trying to find wall space for all the pictures. My wife Barbara and I are enjoying the new beginnings we are experiencing, and we anticipate even more.
In considering the article for this month's column, there is so much in the news that can literally make your head swim. We seem to either drown or be thrown around from all the turbulence, and I felt the central theme to much of this turmoil ― compassion, or lack thereof.
Members of my extended family are very passionate about their political beliefs and find it increasingly difficult to accept what is happening in the world today, regardless of what the underlying issue might be. Please don't misunderstand ― it's wonderful to be passionate about issues; it's wonderful to be an advocate; and it's wonderful to be engaged in discourse; and it's wonderful to be engaged in activism.
What I try to remember, and mention, is that it is also wonderful to be able to see that everyone is one and everything is Divine, which is probably one of the hardest ideas and concepts to not only grasp and accept, but also the hardest to realize (through action).
If we believe at our core that we are all one with Source (or use the Divine, God, Christ, or any other name for the I AM), there is no separation. There is no us and them. We are one.
Being one does not mean that we accept or condone every thought, idea, belief, image, or action. What it does mean is that we have to look beyond the appearance of what our eyes see and what our ears hear and focus on the Divinity at the core of the spiritual being that we and everyone else are.
I'm reminded that in order to listen to the radio (generally in my car), I have to turn on the actual radio. Even with the radio waves being transmitted through the air, my senses limited to my current and existing physical body have no way to tap into those radio waves to hear them without the receiving device (known as "radio" receiver). That analogy has been used time and again, but it remains very valid and pertinent. Just because we cannot physically see or comprehend/understand does not give us or anyone the right to assign a judgment.
It's disheartening that we have to be reminded of our and everyone's Divinity, and such is nearly always obscured by the need to tell everyone our opinion or the need be right.
I invite everyone to take time during the next few days and weeks while reading or listening to news, to use such not as a means of judgment, but as an opportunity to hold the event, activity, or situation in the light of prayer.
Activism can be cathartic in our physical realm. Prayer for the non-physical too is cathartic and affords us the opportunity to engage the receiver in what is outside our physical senses.
This month's article took multiple twists and turns, and I finally had to take a few moments to stop, breathe, and put fingers to keyboard (which was not all that easy with our recent move from Virginia to our new home along Florida's Space Coast, and trying to shift and sort through boxes in order to have some assemblage of a functioning home).
I was struck by a writing from Unity's Daily Word for Thursday, May 24, "Comfort", and the affirmation was, "The comfort I seek comes from within." What resonated with me was that the author wrote, "There is a divine thread that runs through the tapestry of life. Something that seems wrong may well turn out to be a great blessing in the end. Appearances are not always what they seem."
It helps me to remember this when I feel lost. I remain peaceful in my awareness of my divine nature. I need only to trust. If I feel anxious about loved ones or troubling world events, I trust. The truth is that there is only good. I hold to this belief and I am at peace."
This was followed a few days later from my daily email from Abraham-Hicks from May 30th, "Many around you want to point out 'reality' to you. They say, 'Face the facts. Look at what is.' And we say to you, if you are able to see only what-is, then, by Law of Attraction, you will create only more of what-is. You must be able to put your thoughts beyond what-is in order to attract something different or something more."
Finally, in a Dilbert cartoon also from May 30th, one character asks, "Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out?"
The next panel shows Wally responding, "It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone."
The response was "That sounds risky", to which Wally responds, "Yes, I agree."
I'm not offering any judgment as to agree with idiots, or retreat into a happy place.
What I do suggest is that we each consider that what is visible, and what appearances seem to be, are not necessarily the (capital "T") Truth of the Divine that we are.
Understanding this also allows us to be that light and healing or calming presence in the midst of chaos that can help offer clarity.
My wife, Rev. Barbara Harris and I are in the final stages of moving from Virginia to Florida's Space Coas, which has given us the opportunity to move everything we have, or, make a conscious effort to look through boxes that have not seen the light of day in days, weeks, months, or years, and make a decision as to take it, throw it away, recycle it, or sell it.
This exercise of finding lost treasures and reliving painful memories has been time consuming, joy filled, painful, and surprising in finding mementos to share with each other from earlier times of our lives. There have been many instances of non-attachment that if we can sell something (even for a dollar or two), then sure, let's do it.
The other weekend, our homeowners' association sponsored a Saturday community-wide yard sale. Barbara diligently worked for several days, pre-staging everything that we agreed to release on tables and marking each item with a suggested price. There were at least six tables that would fill our driveway.
The yard sale ran from 7am until 11am, which meant we are out at 6:15am carefully moving the tables from our garage and out onto the driveway ― careful not to disturb any of the previously carefully placed items. As we were carrying the items to the driveway, those who must be considered professionals were already making the rounds by 6:45 and stopping by to see if anything we had was anything they wanted.
There must be an association or some other social group that shows up early, because most knew each other by name and talked about the stops they had already made and exchanged information about what each one was specifically looking for ― a kind of a coffee klatch before the yard sale even officially began. We apparently didn't have anything of their interest, because they came, they saw, and departed even before we had everything positioned (guess they could tell we didn't have what they wanted).
As the morning began, I was left to "staff the driveway," while Barbara went inside to refill her coffee cup and warm herself from the early morning dampness.
As I sat just inside the garage door, cars would stop at the entrance to the driveway, look through the rolled-up window at what was proudly displayed, and in an instant, pull back into the street and take off ― heading to the next participating house.
After the 3rd or 4th car that did that, I became annoyed. "What's wrong with our stuff?" I thought. "Not good enough for you?" Here it was not even 30 minutes into what would turn out to be a long day of sitting, waiting, negotiating, and saying good-by to many memories, and I was starting to argue that if we took the time to lay parts of our lives out for the world to see, then everyone should have the decency to stop by and take a look.
Barbara's voice that she had returned, holding her now hot cup of coffee between her hands, brought me back to the reality of, "This was the stuff that we no longer wanted, and we were looking for another family to embrace and make new memories within their household with it, so why should I become angry by those who wouldn't stop by? It was not that they were not interested ― it was that the things that we had were not the memories that they wanted.
I've written in the past of riding to work each day in a 15-passenger van filled with daily commuters picked up at a designated spot and delivered to our destinations. Riding in a van pool has its advantages in that there can be shared driving responsibilities, or for those that just want the options to read, relax, or sleep without having the burden of wear and tear on a personal vehicle and the person. Riding in a vanpool is not free; there is a cost both monetarily and of personal comfort. The cost to not driving a personally owned vehicle to many is well worth that cost, and the reduction in personal freedom is just another inconvenience or trade-off for someone else driving.
Having recently changed positions and taken on a longer commute, I've elected to continue riding in a van pool. The relationships I established during the past six years in one van would be in the rear-view mirror, as I moved to a new work location, new job, and new set of riding companions. It's taken some getting used to ― a commute that is double the time each way, and the personalities of those in a well-established van (and I'm the new guy) take some accommodation. Those driving in this van listen to what might be termed "Rockin Oldies" and "Acid Rock" ― music from the 70's and 80's that was never mainstream Top 40. I have some familiarity with some of the songs.
As we were driving in one day, I reflected on the various radio formats favored by some of the drivers. Some liked Talk Radio (that's when I use earplugs so as to not be subjected to the toxicity spewing from the speakers) to this Oldies station. I ignore the Talk Radio, as it's nothing more than sensationalism and a way for hosts to push an agenda or their particular point of view to others that either praise the host or take exception and want to argue their point in a losing proposition (not because the opposing opinion is wrong ― the forum of Talk Radio does not facilitate a dialog of ideas. It's more about I'm right, always will be, and any other perspective is wrong, and let me tell you why.....).
It struck me that in the Oldies radio format, there is a finite number of songs to be played. The order in which they are played will change, but that is the only variable. It's the same. Always is, always will be, until, songs that get to be a certain age become the "new" oldies ― something that takes 15-20 years. Oldies can be good for recalling memories that have meaning in our lives. There are songs that also bring heartache ― a love lost, or an unpleasant situation associated with a song. We either turn the volume up or down, depending on our memory and association.
Today's Adult Contemporary radio is continuously playing new music, as it's created by artists hoping to become popular. It's the ear of the Music Director and the requests from the radio audience (as well as the number of downloads or other sales) which propel the favorite songs into the rotation of being played.
As new songs are released, those whose popularity has waned are shifted to less playing time, allowing newer songs to be played more often, and the cycle continues (that's where the term "Top 40" comes from, with a playlist of 40 songs, played in a rotation where the top 10 are played every 2 hours, then next 20 are played once every 4-5 hours, and the last 10 are played once every 6-8 hours. Once a song is in the last grouping, it's destined to be heard once every 3-4 months.
I reflected on my own listening preferences, as I radio channel surf ― newsradio (not Talk Radio) when I need traffic and weather, Adult Contemporary when I want to hear what's new, and the occasional Rockin Oldies just to round out the mix. The metaphor for oldies is those who are comfortable with the known and familiar and the preference to stay within that genre ― not good, not bad, just what it is.
As Spring begins to change the landscape from cold, dark, and bare to explosions of color and warmth, take a moment and contemplate your personal and individual listening preferences, not as a reason to change, but as a way to embrace your understanding of your true self.
Last month I wrote about the Association for Global New Thought's Season for Nonviolence that continues this month through April 4. I will affirm that some ADL Ministers would have at least read the column and looked at the information to see how this season might influence their behavior or efforts.
I have been a student of Rev. Dr. Gary and Rev. Jane Simmons the past month as they offer a class based on Gary's book, I of the Storm and Jane's companion book, I of the Storm for Teens. The weekly classes have been insightful and require illuminating the shadow of our self and working to be at peace with ourselves and others during trying or difficult times and situations ― the storm. It's never fun to shine a light on that part of ourselves that we prefer to keep from others (and sometimes are not even aware of). It is that part of us who endeavor to grow spiritually to be the best spiritual being having a human experience and to be that example to others.
As ADL's Ombudsman, I have some cursory knowledge and training in resolving issues or in facilitating situations where parties don't agree. I do find myself in situations where I am not always the best person that I could be, with the channels of consciousness not always open and free of obstructions.
Yes, there are times when I want to be right, or other times when I feel misunderstood and feel the need to explain my position or idea again and again, and sometimes louder so the other person will finally hear me. In such moments, I have separated myself from Source and have become less than that of which I am capable.
I usually (or generally) come around to seeing that I was not as kind or loving, or my best Self, and I vow to try to remember to do better the next time. I strive to do better. I try not to rebuke myself (too hard). The key is understanding where I can do better (and try not to use the excuse of "having a human experience" for too much longer).
My take-away for this month is: as we experience interactions with others, we know that we will never get along with everyone, and that's OK, as long as we remember to make an effort to be that example of acceptance, of compassion, of love. We can strive for perfection but acknowledge that we may fall short. In our shortfalls, we learn what triggers are present that separate us from the Divine, and we work to make that connection stronger, so that when a trigger presents itself, the bond with the Divine is stronger than the trigger.
From the title of this month's Ombudsman article, you'd think I was a couple of months too late. To the contrary ― I submit that it's just the right time!
How can I make that claim? The holidays of Christmas and New Years have more than passed ― even Epiphany is many weeks gone.
The "season" to which I refer is the "Season for Nonviolence," commemorating the 64-day educational, media and grassroots awareness campaign spanning the January 30th and April 4th memorial anniversaries of Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Through this Season for Nonviolence, we focus attention on the philosophy of attaining peace through nonviolent action as demonstrated by such forward-thinking and acting leaders as Mohandas K. Gandhi, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar E. Chavez, and President Nelson Mandela, and living leader His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.
The Alliance for Global New Thought, offers tools and training to self-organizing groups that use non-violent principles and practices to heal conflict and communities. The campaign is especially effective in schools and congregations where participants represent diverse age groups, cultures, religions and political ideologies.
The State of the Union is being presented to a joint session of Congress today, and I find the rhetoric of our elected leaders today are far from demonstrating Truth, integrity, or the ideals behind what we, as ADL Ministers, emulate as the Greatest Degree of Love.
Never have I felt more of a need for such action. Reading the newspaper, listening to the radio, or watching the television news only reinforces the bickering, name calling, nastiness, and violence against other humans that pervades our society and many cultures throughout the world.
Let me also be clear ― this Season for Nonviolence should also be used as a reminder that we are spiritual beings, and any thoughts of separation we feel towards the Divine should also be healed.
Pain and hurt caused by men acting inappropriately towards women, acts of violence by one country or culture against another, bickering and name-calling between elected officials, or the pain, anguish, or loneliness felt as a result of the false fear of separation from the Divine are opportunities for love.
You won't find Season for Nonviolence ornaments in stores, parades (though, that would be a nice idea), or traditional recipes painstakingly prepared as families gathers to exchange gifts and gathering around a lit tree.
What you might find are small pockets of like-minded light-workers who hum or sing, "Give Peace A Chance", "Peace Train", "Peaceful Easy Feeling", or "Let There Be Peace On Earth, and Let It Begin With Me". Maybe in 2018 it's time to start a new family tradition. There's still time.
I have written in this column that I ride and drive in a vanpool the 40 miles each way to my office as a federal employee. Today I reflect on an observation from a ride the other day.
The other evening I drove the van and a handful of riders. I noticed an indicator on the van indicating that we had about 100 miles before the gas tank was empty. I mentioned to one of the other drivers that I thought we should get gas. He assured me we had enough gas to return home and should have enough for the round trip the next day.
The next morning, the miles to empty when we started was 97 ― certainly enough to get to the office. As I was driving, I watched the distance-to-empty indicator drop more intently than I watched the speedometer. We made the trip to the office and still had 55 miles to empty ― surely enough to make the 40-mile trip.
All the way to the office, I watched the distance-to-empty indicator dwindle, feeling a pit in my stomach as I constantly switched my gaze between the indicator and the road ahead. I chided myself for not having faith that the indicator was correct. Surely Spirit or the Divine would provide or see to it that the gas within the tank would be sufficient to get myself and all the riders back from work and to a gas station to refill the tank.
In the past, I've given a Sunday lesson about faith and how doubt in the unseen can rob us of the peace that it brings. We cannot see God, but we can see the works of God ― for God is in everything (substitute Divine or Spirit, in place of God, if you chose). Being unable to see God but having faith in such a creative force allows us to make sense of our Divine purpose and our part in that plan. We can accept faith or not. It's our choice.
We also must be mindful not to sabotage faith through a lack of stewardship. It would be irresponsible for me or any one of the drivers to ignore the indicators on the van and try to drive the van without gas, oil, or water in the radiator, or other such condition. Faith is not going to miraculously fill the gas tank, or produce oil or water out of thin air. That's not the purpose of faith. It's stewardship by each one of us that takes care of the human existence that facilitates the faith of the spiritual.
I have an acquaintance who is ordained as a minister (of another faith tradition), and we have talked several times about my teaching of prosperity principles. Her comments generally center on how her unwavering faith in God will provide for her at all times, and that she does not need to plan for her future, for Almighty God will prevail and provide. I've been tempted to relate the children's fable about the ant and the grasshopper, where the diligent ant saves throughout the year for the coming scarcity of food, while the grasshopper plays around and runs into trouble when winter arrives. I feel that if I were to use that story, she could (and probably would) fire back that I was the one without faith and cite a couple of Bible verses about clothing the lilies of the field, and such.
I feel compelled to combine the ideas of faith with stewardship. We certainly eat when we're hungry and sleep when we're tired ― not relying on faith that we will never get hungry or continue working when we are physically or emotionally tired or exhausted. Those are human experiences and conditions, not spiritual.
We can still maintain the spiritual faith that understands when the circumstances we experience are not the Truth of who we are ― but rather the human experiences we are having. It is the faith that we are one with God, and as God it is our Truth ― and we live and experience in a human plane ― one where we experience hunger, cold, joy, anger, and many other emotions.
Faith hand-in-hand with stewardship allows us to walk among others and know the Truth while we experience life.
The weather is cool, and the leaves have changed their colors from green or various shades of brown, gold, and red, and have fallen from their host (trees), and on to the ground. After admitting their transformation, I'm left to clean up the discarded shells of what once was a living and thriving power plant of photosynthesis that turned light and carbon dioxide into human life-giving oxygen. This clean-up is but a small price to pay for the life (of breath) that it gives.
A few other things I've learned while engaged in this clean-up.
Leaves have stems, much thinner than the broad, flat surface of the leaf. They act as the leaf's connection to their life-giving source -- the branch of a tree. When leaves fall from their source, the stem can act as a sea anchor – seeming to hold the leaf in place as external forces (rake or leaf blower) try to dislodge it.
Working to blow the scattered leaves into piles in my yard with a leaf blower, there were many leaves that defied the fortified and artificial hurricane-force hand-held wind machine I carried with me. Try as I might, that sea-anchor stem seemed to entrench itself even deeper into the ground the closer I got to it with the blower – mocking me; making me even more determined (and frustrated).
It dawned on me that I was approaching this all wrong. Instead of trying to blow the leaves from above – using the brute force of the blower to dislodge the leaf and its anchor stem – by shifting the direction of the moving air from the top to below and lifting the leaf back up into the air, I was able to push the leaf into the direction of the pile. It was never about the weight of the leaf, it was all about raising the leaf up to get it where I hoped it would travel.
In another section of my yard, I chose not to use the blower but to use the mulching feature of my mower. The leaves were plentiful (especially near the 50-foot tree in our front yard), which makes using blower impractical, as I don't want to blow the leaves into the bushes next to the house, or blow them into the street, or onto my neighbor's yard.
I ran over the leaves, in the same pattern as mowing the yard, only this time with the mower set closer to the ground to mulch the leaves –- eliminating the raking and bagging; or so I thought.
As I finished running the mower across the yard, I noticed the mulched leaves had formed lines in the yard; kind of like stripes. It was as if there was a narrow blanket of mulch reminiscent of rows in a farmer's field. I felt pretty proud of myself for getting the front yard to look green (again), instead of completely covered in brown, red and gold leaves.
Upon further review, it dawned on me that those nice neat narrow rows of mulch were going to act as a blanket in the grass. Blankets are fine when they provide warmth and comfort. They can also be stifling and suffocating.
I began to think about the depth of the mulch that was now concentrated along these narrow rows, and the grass (now below these stripes) that I had spent the year nurturing, fertilizing, and mowing, which would be smothered by this mulch for the next four months. Instead of being a nurturing source of decomposing nutrients, these mulched leaves would become the smothering blanket that would cause the grass below to die.
I grabbed the leaf rake and spent the next hour raking up the rows of mulched leaves and moved it to flower and shrub beds, which would also eliminate the need to purchase mulch and help to retain moisture for those areas.
I could have chosen to look at these fall chores with the dread of having to do them or just ignore them and hope for the best in the next season. Instead, I was reminded of how I might use what I learned in blowing and mulching leaves in my relationship with employees -- adding lift from below produces greater results than blowing hard from on top, and dumping a smothering blanket will surely stifle growth, regardless of the intent.
Who knew there can be so many lessons from falling leaves?
I've read through the book on and off for many years, as the copy I have is from my grandparents' personal book collection. They were instrumental in my spiritual development in the Unity movement (and with a last name like Fillmore, how could I go wrong?).
It is my belief that many are struggling today with how to reconcile the state of fear, anxiety, and seeming loss of hope in today's world. It feels overwhelming.
How are we, as spiritual leaders handling this angst? Are we content to have found a religion or spiritual place, with a broad-minded approach that gives each of us the freedom to do as we please? If it is our pleasure to "do as we please" to remain silent, or stay in the safe place of our existing consciousness, what are we acknowledging?
I'm not advocating protests, marches, or such. I am challenging each of us to consider how comfortable we are in experiencing transformation, or not, and what are we personally doing to change our consciousness to alter outer conditions.
"See it right" is the notion of seeing and understanding beyond appearances, not taking things personally, seeing with "soft eyes," accepting the Divinity of the Oneness. Accepting does not automatically mean agreeing or believing what everyone else does. It's about accepting others in their consciousness.
If, through prayer, meditation, or dialog transformation is altered, then outer conditions will only improve.
It's not often that I write this monthly ADL newsletter article at the same time that I prepare a lesson for a church service so that I can use the same concept to explore in both forums. This was and was not the case in this instance.
My talk for this Sunday is, "Bubbling In The Cauldron," and centers around how we react to outside stimuli like news reports, social media postings, and other circumstances in our lives that cause us angst.
Using the concepts offered by Juan Miguel Ruiz and ancient Toltec wisdom and Rev. Dr. Gary Simmons from "The "I" Of The Storm," I will be looking to explore with the congregation what it is within each congregant that causes them to "feed the fury within the cauldron," which is the physical vessel of their own body, and how, through the use of potions (8 oz. bottles of sealed commercial spring water with the labels removed and replaced with the words, "Love", "Peace", and "Joy", based on the experiments of Dr. Masaru Emoto), along with denials and affirmations (I am speaking at a Unity church) that I actually created for Unity's World Day of Peace last month to be used in walking a labyrinth.
That's the intent, and we'll see how I pull it off.
Tonight I was primed to put an outline on paper — giving me a couple of days to expand from outline to full text, and then lift portions of the content into this article. Simple enough, right?
This morning, a Monday, when most are winding down from the weekend and gearing up for the work week, we turned on the television at 3:00 a.m. Eastern time to see the weather, and we were immediately saddened by the live breaking news of the mass shooting in Las Vegas. The coverage consumed all local news, weather and traffic coverage — a truly sobering and somber way to begin any day.
My thoughts immediately went to my talk and this article, and how emotions will certainly continue to fill everyone's consciousness from the most recent hurricanes and earthquakes to now the worst mass shooting in our history.
As light workers and spiritual beings who align ourselves with a higher state of consciousness, we too have human emotions that empathize and sympathize with those who are hurt, killed, the family and friends, and first responders. We're human — we're wired that way.
Whether we agree or condemn with the argument of firearms capable of inflicting such carnage, or yell at the new reports of aid to hurricane or earthquake victims arriving too slowly or at all, we are human — we're wired that way.
In the immediate aftermath of the hurricanes, earthquakes, or mass shootings, if we had family or friends in those affected areas, we thought the worst and prayed for the best — we're wired that way.
I use this forum to offer an idea from Unity co-founder, Charles Fillmore, written in "The Revealing Word: A Dictionary of Metaphysical Terms", where he writes, "It is possible for humankind to form states of consciousness that are out of harmony with the God principle. When we understand this ego-forming capacity of humankind and even of nature, we have the key that unlocks the many mysteries and contradictions that appear in every walk of life."
We can be wired that way.
It seems the topic I've chosen for this month's article has appeared in a multitude of situations in my life this past month; I just cannot ignore it.
During a meeting of representatives between my agency and another federal agency, one of their professionals deliberately dropped the "F-bomb" during a somewhat heated exchange. He offered no apology and just kept on talking. Any credibility the individual was seeking was now lost (at least for me) and everyone left the meeting on a sour note. I remained annoyed and confused as to why someone would even consider using such language and not even offer an apology for such an act. Not that I don't use that word on occasion, but certainly not in a professional business meeting. I followed it up with an email to his manager the following day as well, as it would not have been appropriate for me to not say anything (but then again, how often do we just "let things go" out of a fear of confrontation?).
I had previously remembered a Boy Scout camporee event in which I was honored to participate in the fall of 1999 on the grounds of George Washington's Mount Vernon. The celebration was the 200th anniversary of the death of George Washington (silly that we would celebrate the death of one of our founding fathers, but that's for another article), and the association that maintains Mount Vernon allowed selected Scouts from around the metropolitan Washington DC area an opportunity to camp on the grounds of Mount Vernon and participate in several special events.
In order to be selected to participate, Scouts had to write an article explaining what Washington's "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation" meant to them, as we were preparing to move into a new century. These rules proclaim our respect for others and, in turn, give us the gift of self-respect and heightened self-esteem.
Now the rules were meant for a time and culture different from that of today, but many of the concepts and ideas behind them remain true. It was our job as Scout leaders to get the boys to look past the language and grasp the ideas at the root or core.
Each Scout who wanted to participate in this historic event would have to write a paper (I believe about 750-1,000 words) on how civility showed up in their lives today and what they could do to practice civility.
I don't remember what the Scouts wrote, but I do remember having to read through the 110 Rules that Washington wrote, which were based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595, and trying to write my own version, in modern language.
These rules go far deeper than what many of us were taught as "The Golden Rule," and those from the Jesuits' or Washington's time are no longer applicable (#9, Spit not in the fire, nor stoop low before it neither put your hands into the flames to warm them, nor set your feet upon the fire especially if there be meat before it), but the ideas or concepts behind these rules remain valid.
Today, it seems civility in many areas and aspects of our culture is lacking or downright non-existent.
I spent the last week of June attending a 3 1/2-day leadership workshop led by some exceptional facilitators with impeccable counseling and consulting credentials.
The 20 attendees were senior leaders from the federal agency where I work and focused on several areas to include advanced conflict resolution and how to instill a culture of respect -- areas of particular interest based on events that have landed our agency in an unflattering light in the Washington, D.C., newspapers.
We were reminded from previously-provided counseling models such as the SBI; Situation, Behavior, and Impact, created by the Center for Creative Leadership, where the Supervisor describes the "when" and "where of a situation, then details the other person's behavior, only mentioning actions observed, and finally communicating the impact of their behavior on you and others.
In practice, and quoted from www.mindtools.com, "During yesterday morning's team meeting, when you gave your presentation, you were uncertain about two of the slides and your sales calculations were incorrect. I felt embarrassed because the entire board was there. I'm worried that this has affected the reputation of our team."
From previous training sessions, we had practiced on other seminar attendees to give us the tools to use in our workplace. This past week's seminar provided a quick and relevant reminder of this model.
During the past several months, I have had the honor and privilege to be studying Metaphysics and prayer with Rev Dr Paul Hasselbeck. The text we are using for prayer is Rev Linda Martella-Whitsett's, "How to Pray Without Talking to God", which Paul edited.
In her Chapter on "Learn Affirmative Prayer," she offers the following that I see as an alternative to the Center of Creative Living SBI model, "When I feel reluctant to take on an unpleasant but necessary assignment, such as truthfully speaking to another person words I fear he will not want to hear, I pray (claim and assert) that I embody Divine Love and Divine Wisdom. I pray (claim and assert) that I am a living expression of these divine qualities, setting aside my only-human, personal judgments and preferences in that situation."
Truly different methods of handling what is generally an uncomfortable situation. While conflict has been around since humans walked this planet, to most, engaging in conflict is unnatural, and the need to learn techniques in handling such should be embraced until we are comfortable with ways to work through uncomfortable environments.
The above models are not the only methods to deal with conflict. I am reminded of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, or "The I of the Storm," by Rev Dr Gary Simmons, or one of many, many others.
I invite you the reader to consider which model you might employ. Whichever model you consider, Rev Linda Martella-Whitsett's suggestion to "..pray (claim and assert) that you embody Divine Love and Divine Wisdom, pray (claim and assert) you are a living expression of these divine qualities, setting aside the only-human, personal judgments and preferences in that situation."
Many might remember that I ride to work every day in a van pool -- a 15-passenger van with about nine other employees. There are four of us who trade off driving responsibilities, and, as you might imagine, not everyone drives the same way.
A couple of the drivers quite honestly scare me. The 35-mile ride to or from work seems more like the ride on a wooden roller coaster with jerky side-to-side movement and an uncanny ability to hit every single pothole or bump on the Interstate.
It was some months ago that I also wrote about this part of my life and how I was spending more time focusing on how I am more attentive and a much better driver than others, and that I didn't bounce the passengers around like the drum in a dryer.
Then, and now, I remember that it's so very easy to find fault in the ride.
It's also easy to be a back-seat driver –- shouting out warnings or directions. Even worse, being silent; internalizing the discontent or talking behind the drivers' back about how bad the ride was.
There is an established process to join or quit the van pool. Riding is a choice. My choice -– no one else's.
The van pool provides a service that allows me to travel to and from my place of employment (a round trip of 70 miles each day) without having to drive the entire distance alone by myself.
When I get tired of being sick and tired of allowing others to take the active role of driving, it is my choice to leave the van pool and drive myself, and take responsibility for all that comes with driving -- additional fuel and maintenance, time without companionship, loss of meditation time, and more.
Not too long ago, one of the drivers hit a speed bump at a higher rate of speed than he should have, which caused the rear of the van (where I was sitting) to bounce more than the shocks were capable of handling. I was physically lifted out of my seat and came down awkwardly, pinching a nerve in my back, which caused numbness in my arm and hand for several days. I did say something to the driver (probably in a not-too-kind manner), and, while he didn't apologize, we both just went on our daily business.
I stated my displeasure, and I have moved on, as has he. He is more careful when approaching the speed bump, but there are still some drivers who jerk the wheel when changing lanes and seem to spend more time talking than focusing on the immediate task of driving.
I've elected to remain in the van pool for the time being because it suits my needs more than going it alone. Can I find fault in the ride? Absolutely.
I remember a quote from my Junior High School principle -- "Let's not gorge ourselves on our institution's imperfections, but feast on its opportunities."
I simply offer the lesson above as something to be considered for more than just finding fault in a ride.
 After the 2017 ADL National Conference at Camp Weed, I was able to (somewhat) decompress before jumping straight back into my vocation work as a Program Manager for a federal agency -– all after the 745-mile drive.
But the drive did allow me to reflect on the renewed friendships, the joy of meeting new friends and colleagues and meeting another ombudsman, who works in senior/elder care. I also had the opportunity to talk about and get answered some questions about the ADL Ombudsman program -- what services fall within my span of control.
As I primarily had those conversations with specific individuals, allow me to use this month's column to renew and detail information as to some of functions of the ADL Ombudsman.
First and foremost, as ADL Ombudsman, I am chartered by the ADL Board of Trustees to provide an information, independent, impartial, and confidential process for ADL Ministers to lodge complaints in a safe and heart-centered environment without fear of retribution or retaliation.
The names of those who seek assistance from the ADL Ombudsman are held in strict confidence, and I do not disclose any of those conversations unless given permission to do so. The only exception to this privilege of confidentiality is where there appears to be an imminent risk of serious harm or illegal activity.
As I mentioned during my annual report to those attending the Conference, during the past year, I wrote a monthly article for each of the ADL newsletters. Additionally, I reviewed and provided comments to a chapter's by-laws, and I spoke with an ADL Minister on an issue.
I sense a swirl of activity, emotions, and concern that might be coming in from several directions. That is just a sense, based on physical observations. Many of us, I believe, can agree that physical observations are filtered through our own lenses, which are colored by our own personal and unique experiences, and are in fact not the Truth of who we each are as Spiritual beings.
Is this a Pollyanna attitude? I think and suggest not. I would offer and suggest that it is the Absolute Truth, and what is behind the actions and activities as well as our own reaction and evaluation of such is nothing more than a human reaction and not one based on spiritual principles.
I stand ready and available to listen. I am not going to solve problems -– I just listen and offer some thoughts, some which are human-based and some of which are grounded in heart.
You can always email me at adlombud@gmail.com.
Last month's ADL Ombudsman article, "I Got Nuthin" got an overwhelming response -- cheers, accolades, dozens and dozens of emails, letters, and cards of support. I was taken aback by all the love and support. Then I woke up from my dream and returned to the illusion that is daily life.
This month, I'm making up for such a short article from last month with the inclusion of two, yes, two articles. Why, do you say, not write both and save one for next month? Quite simple –- I live for the exhilaration of adulation, and using the principles of Prosperity –- the more you give the more you receive.
As a Supervisor, I sometimes have to make difficult decisions and deal with uncomfortable situations. One of the first things you learn in leadership or management school (or those organizations on a tight budget, management classes) , is as a new guy (or girl) you never come in and change things for the sake of change. There is the observation period, the getting to know the people and processes, making mental notes and gaining an understanding of the dynamics.
Having moved to a new position and office late last year, I originally was not required to supervise anyone, which I greatly appreciated. Not that I mind supervising people, but this setup allowed me more time to work on the Program and not spend it approving time sheets, answering personnel requests, and such.
During this honeymoon period, I observed an employee within my Division who would horn in on conversations, uninvited, with his personal observations and generally be an obnoxious co-worker. His daily rants about just putting in his time before he could retire made at least me wish that day (of his retirement) come sooner than any later.
Yep, you guessed it. Call it karma, fate, or luck of the draw. Within the last couple of months, a reorganization occurred and the employee now reports to me. How do I explain that his behavior is not acceptable now, but the same behavior that I witnessed a couple of months ago was. Where is my credibility?
Suffice it to say, I've had a conversation with the individual, and, yes, it was very uncomfortable. Maybe I was projecting the question (in the back of his mind): why am I jumping on him after several months of the same behavior. To quote an earlier article, "I got nuthin." "My bad." No excuses, and yes, it's my fault for not speaking up earlier.
The lesson, at least for me is, deal now or pay later.
This is very, very difficult, which is why I'm saving it for last. I affirm I will still have the respect of this collective membership after I complete this article.
Ever since I have known my wife, Rev. Barbara Harris –- going on since before we both were ordained by Rev. Dr. Bob Estling, we have shared stories, dreams, and yes, even desires. Being the free spirit and activist that Barbara is, she would gladly share her opinions with me, at any time and on any subject.
Since we have been together, we have rarely ever had a cross word, and we have both enjoyed the honesty and ability to be free and open with each other, on any topic (well, almost, as I'm revealing for the first time).
I have to admit, for the first time, that I sometimes hide behind some of the bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo that comes with my job with a federal agency. It's little-known outside the federal government, and since the last election, it has been getting more press than ever before, but still it does not rise to the level as a Presidential tweet. Here goes. Damn (sorry), I need the courage. OK.
There, now I feel better. I might be fined, get sanctioned, go to jail, but dag nabbit, I too have feelings, and I'm not going to sit back and watch others –- especially in senior government positions spout off about alternative stuff that has no basis in fact or truth that is gobbled up by some media outlets and broadcast as facts around the country and accepted as the Gospel (can't say which is worse at this time -– those who want to return to living under the rules and laws of the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible or those in White House-appointed positions making a mockery of the gains that we as a civilized nation have come to enjoy, only to revert those gains for private and personal gain or advancing an agenda that harkens back to isolationism and schoolyard bullying.
Whew. I feel like a new man. This is intoxicating. I wonder if there is a 12-Step group for those who run their opinions to anyone and everyone. Oh, there's not a 12-Step group, it's called Facebook.
On that note. I wish you all well and blessings along your path.
 The past couple of weeks have been a trying time for this country and the world, as we have seen turmoil in the days following the transition of power in our nation's political leaders, and the resulting demonstrations speaking their voices to those now in power.
 Aside from any political or social views I hold, it has been troubling for me professionally, as Mr. Trump (like many others) has publicly disparaged the government organization in which I work.
 On the ADL Minister's Facebook page, I posted an Aesop fable of "The North Wind & the Sun." Shortly after I posted the fable, I was reminded (by my step-sister, who is an English teacher/professor in North Carolina) that the fable was also used in a John Travolta movie, Michael, which prompted an exchange with her over the next several days, which has been more than we have communicated in the last 15 years.
"The North Wind and the Sun had a quarrel about which of them was the stronger. While they were disputing with much heat and bluster, a Traveler passed along the road wrapped in a cloak.
 "Let us agree, said the Sun, that he is the stronger who can strip that Traveler of his cloak.
 "Very well," growled the North Wind, who at once sent a cold, howling blast against the Traveler.
 With the first gust of wind the ends of the cloak whipped about the Traveler's body. But he immediately wrapped it closely around him, and the harder the Wind blew, the tighter he held it to him. The North Wind tore angrily at the cloak, but all his efforts were in vain.
 Then the Sun began to shine. At first his beams shone gently, and in the pleasant warmth after the bitter cold of the North Wind, the Traveler unfastened his cloak and let it hang loosely from his shoulders. The Sun's rays grew warmer and warmer.
 The man took off his cap and mopped his brow. At last he became so heated that he pulled off his cloak, and, to escape the blazing sunshine, he threw himself down in the welcome shade of a tree by the roadside."
 The fable's moral is, "Gentleness and kind persuasion win where force and bluster fail."
....and so it is, and so it shall be, Amen and amen.
I've just started a new position. New year, same federal agency, but a new job, not one that I would have chosen, or even considered. Some things (like traffic), you endure. Being stressed about it is an understatement.
I've spent over 33 years working in a specific field or niche and have developed into a Subject-Matter-Expert, and I have sought out throughout the federal government and defense contractors thoughts, opinions, and expertise. It's nice being at the top.
When I was told about taking this new job, I was darn near kicking and screaming. It was not a pretty sight to see an old(er) grown man throwing a temper tantrum. (Fortunately the tantrum was in private, and the only person who had to see it was my wife and her camera phone was out of reach).
Having some degree of maturity (which comes either from growing old or being too tired to argue), I decided to take a moment and reflect (when you get to be too old, reflection usually turns into a nap) on my resistence towards this new job. The usual suspects/reasons first popped into mind-- "You're at the top of the profession, why screw that up?", "You're too old to learn new things", and "You're too old to want to learn new things".
It was during this reflection (yes, I was still awake), I chose to turn on one of my favorite local radio stations. I have a dear friend who is the afternoon "drive-time" host, and I was listing to the Super Hits of the 70s on 95.9, WGRQ. Hearing songs from Journey, the Steve Miller Band, Earth Wind & Fire, Fleetwood Mac, and others, brought back both good and bad memories, most notably each song could be directly attributed to a specific time in my life, and as time has faded many of those memories, or at least dulled the pain or muted the exuberance, I could immediately relate to some memory for each and every song.
Whew. What a realization. Monkey mind at it again. Here I am, in a supposed deep reflection about my resistance to this new job, and I'm focusing on what song is next playing on the radio.
Just as I finished chastising myself for going on a tangent, the idea popped into my mind (channeled, offered by Spirit, whichever explanation you'd use when a Divine Idea is revealed) that just as I was bringing back memories from listening to older music, those memories are still part of me, and will always be with me, albeit somewhat faded and mellowed over time, but they do not diminish with the memory or the enjoyment of the song. And just as Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" was my immediate favorite, I had to be open and receptive when a while later they released "Faithfully." That was the key; being open and receptive.
I listen to another local radio station (B101.5) that plays essentially what is Top 40 radio -- at least that's what we called it in my radio days. I get to hear the latest from artists Maroon 5, Adele, John Legend, and such. I could choose to keep the radio dial tuned to 95.9, but it is a conscious choice to broaden my listening preference to hearing what's new.
CRAP. Another life's lesson when I least expected it -- and to the point.
In any situation, be it in traffic, in a line at the store, on the telephone with a utility, or just listening to the radio (old school, I guess, if it's not iTunes, Pandora, or YouTube), try not to get caught up in patterns of the past. Agree to be open, willing to be receptive, and experience the new sounds or what Spirit sends your way.
necessarily change the issue, but in how we react.
the 2017 National ADL Conference; a topic that is timeless and never more needed.
Nonviolence, which officially begins January 30, 2017.
from 900 cities in 67 countries participating.
The Association for Global New Thought's web site has a number of programs, ideas, and suggestions as to how to actively promote peace and nonviolence.
words. Let us illumine the path others might see.
It seems that each month when I write the ADL Ombudsman column, it invariably involves trying to get through difficult situations, dealing with conflict, and at times, how to bring coping skills into everyday situations that don't always go as we hoped they would. Why would this month's column be any different?
I'm in the process of moving into a new (vocation) position. It is one that I am not happy about, one that I did not apply for or choose, but one that I am being directed (a nicer way of saying "forced") to take. You might ask, then why take the position at all? Bottom line is that should I not take the position, the promotion that I earned will not be granted, and it would be two years before I would be eligible for another promotion. Sometimes the additional money is just enough to convince one to take a position or job that that normally one would not.
The position that I've been performing since 2008 afforded me a small office that has a barn-type door, and while at work I can have my mp3 player and small speaker to listen to music that minimizes many workplace distractions. Having personal wall space means I can hang 16 pictures of labyrinths that I have built.
For the past several weeks, I have harped and complained at every chance with my new leadership about my cause and strong desire to have a work space that allows me to concentrate and shut out the outside world.
As I've often written in this column, focusing on the negative or the conflict in a situation is never productive, and generally causes more conflict among all parties. The angst, frustration, anger, bitterness and all the other emotions that seem to permeate the broadcast airwaves in this election season seem to be a reflection of the "I'm right, you're wrong," "I know what's better than you," or "I'm deserving, you are not," much like me wanting not to lose my office.
I remember a skit from a recent leadership course on removing obstacles to change that featured comedian (and fellow curmudgeon) Bob Newhart. It was aptly called, "Stop It" (found on YouTube.) I highly encourage anyone thinking that therapy might help them watch this video.
Remembering the video came into mind (as though I would actually remember the video as I was continuing to feed my wanting to be so right, so I'm grateful that I still have the connection to the Divine Mind), and it was that light switch that turned off those feelings of resentment, angst, frustration, and bitterness through the conscious change within me that allowed and keeps allowing me to move beyond.
I do admit there are times when the pang of anger comes back into consciousness -- just like all the other egoic thoughts and feelings that want to keep me human and disconnected from my higher self. Training has taught me to acknowledge those feelings, bless them, then release them into the ether from whence they originated.
It's not easy being human. It takes a lot of work; most of it not any fun.
The upside to the work is a life nearly full of joy, love, and peace.
Several years ago, I volunteered to participate as a Case Officer on the Casualty Response Team for the federal agency where I am employed.
The Casualty Response Team was charged with liaising with agency employees and their family members during times of crisis such as accidents or even death of an immediate family member or the employee. In the 3 years I was a member of the CRT, I was only called to work on 2 cases.
During the CRT training, the focus and emphasis was more about identifying an employee's rights and benefits, or what a family's rights and benefits could be if the employee be hospitalized or if they had died. Representatives from the Human Resources Directorate and Civilian Personnel Departments methodically went through the various benefits immediately available, and how an agency-assigned case worker would help them through the bureaucracy. Our job, as CTR Case Officers, was to make that initial contact and be the immediate contact.
Some of the training did speak to what not to say: "your loved one is in a better place", or, "everything will be alright", or such obvious meaningless statements; well-meaning as they might have been intended.
In my years on the CRT, none of my cases required me to have to decide what to say. It always bothered me somewhat, that I didn't have "something already prepared", as I was supposed to be there for comfort in the face of adversity and tragedy.
Since leaving the CRT, I have known friends and colleagues who have passed or transitioned – depending on your beliefs. In attending the funeral or celebration service, I continued to struggle with what to say to the loved ones or family.
I guess I was trying too hard, because very recently, while I was not thinking about, what to say, the still small voice from within offered, what to say. "You are loved".
Short, simple, yet so full of meaning, and a remembrance that in the face of appearances, there is a universal truth; being loved.
Spoken to a family member, a friend, a colleague, a stranger, in such a time of grief or sorrow, these 3 little words bring a sense of overwhelming emotion. I firmly believe these 3 little words also help towards the grieving process; a reminder that others care, and we are not alone.
What might happen, then, if in the midst of conflict, instead of getting caught up into the drama of the moment, we consciously backed up and uttered the words, "you are loved". How quickly would the dynamic of the situation change? I would have to guess, very quickly.
Certainly a very different perspective, yet still the universal Truth: You Are Loved.
Even if we do not speak the words, how would your attitude change if you projected love into the situation causing angst or drama. We, the supposed consciously aware or awake should be well-versed in blessing situations where appearances are not the Truth of the spiritual or light being we are.
Last summer, my wife, Rev Barbara Harris (ADL Chapel 1910) and I visited Put-In-Bay on Lake Erie for several days while on vacation; a spot reminiscent of a Great Lake's boardwalk.where I had happy childhood memories.
One of the features that I distinctly remembered, and we just had to enjoy, was an old-fashioned (circa 1917) Wurlitzer merry-go-round. Yes, we each grabbed a steed of our choice and round in circles while riding the up-and-down waves simulating the gallop of beautifully-painted wooden mount.
We were the only ones on the merry-go-round, and the operator seemed to enjoy seeing us older folks who were having as much fun as youngsters; laughing and trying to make our horse faster than the other so we'd win the race before the music ended.
I bring up this happy recent memory because the past several weeks within my professional life has been anything but happy, though it has emulated the up and down and round in circles of the merry-go-round.
Without going into details, as I don't need or particularly want to rehash my story so that others might feel bad or sorry. That's not the point that I want to make this month. It's all about paying for the ride.
Barbara and I joyfully paid for the opportunity to "ride the merry-go-round", and as such, the youthful feelings of happiness, wonder, magic, and a little competition manifested in our hearts.
I get paid in my professional life to perform certain functions, solve problems, and provide services. I absolutely love my profession and my position. I have (nearly always) stated that I enjoy getting up every morning for the opportunity to do what I do.
Lately though, angst and frustration have dominated my days, and have soured the ride. It's the same ride I was on last week, last month, and same year - just a different outcome AND perspective.
Just as I chose to cajole Barbara onto the carousel and pay for the privilege to ride, I had to agree to buy into the angst and frustration for all that is not what I want in that part of my life.
I have a choice. We all do, to ride the ride; experience life, situations, and even relationships. How we decide to show up is up to us. Nobody else. It's up to us. We have that control over ourselves and the external circumstances.
The sun is too bright, the music is too loud, there's no one else on the carousel, there's too many on the carousel, the ride is too short, I'm bored and I want to get off. We all have that choice, every day, and in every situation.
I offer you the opportunity to consider the ride you are paying for, and make a conscious choice to enjoy the time on the ride; feeling the breeze as your steed of choice follows those in front or leads the way with others following - music in the background and the world whizzing by all around.
It is our choice, an individual choice; one that only each one of us can make. Choose wisely.
This month's article is based on a Metaphysics homework assignment that directly ties into many of the themes I explore in this column.
My wife and I were watching and listening to a TV political news report that was making her very upset. It made me think and wonder aloud, asking, "What is the difference between an observation and a judgment?"
Within a moment of asking, I suggested that an observation is the visual acceptance of witnessing a situation or event, and not assigning any intelligent or coherent assessment of such. It is just the observation, which becomes a judgment when the mind (small "m") assigns some meaning to it, based on previous experience or intellectual evaluation. This I remembered from Rev. Dr. Paul Hasselbeck's Heart-Centered Metaphysics, who quoted Charles & Cora Fillmore's The Twelve Powers. "In the body, conclusions are reached through experience; in intellect, reason is assumed arbiter of every question; in Spirit, intuition and inspiration bring the quick and sure answer to all the problems of life."
In the news report, we observed the same report with differing outcomes, one from the perspective and experience of Mind (Upper case M, referring to the Mind of God), with the other coming from mind. Neither experience right and the other wrong. It is through that conclusion and proclamation (judgment) of error or wrong thinking that keeps this observation in mind.
I caught myself (after-the-fact) a couple of days ago walking into a post office to mail some bills. The door was blocked by three waste receptacles that were in some stage of being cleaned. I immediately and without reservation or hesitation jumped to a conclusion of an hourly worker purposely placing these waste cans in the way, at least that's how my mind made a judgment based on the observation.
When I made it past the cans and through the door, a young man with a mop in his hand was just finishing damp mopping the floor and, with a smile on his face, he cautioned me to be careful of the potentially slippery floor as I headed towards the mail-drop slot.
I noticed his expressive smile and the seeming happy nature in the tone of his voice, which was coming from the nature of God expressing. It was the reminder that I just had another lesson in Mind => idea => expression. He was, and I was not.
As a subscriber of the Unity Daily Word magazine and daily emails, there are common themes that run several times throughout the month. One of the common themes is forgiveness.
If you are not familiar with Unity's Daily Word, the format identifies a word, then provides an affirmation, couple of paragraphs that reflect on the affirmation and provide some insight into an idea associated with the affirmation, and ends with a passage of scripture (generally from the New Revised Standard Version Bible).
As I read through two of the recent offerings; one from May 13, and the other from June 27th, the affirmations included, "God's presence works through me to forgive myself and others", and "In forgiveness, I find freedom."
I found the affirmation deliberate in the placement of forgiving myself first before even considering forgiving others. Why?
I pondered the thought that on previous occasions in my life, in times of strife and stress, I harbored resentment towards others, which was a great way to cause dis-ease. Carrying around such unhealthy baggage was a burden that served no purpose.
I remember the lessons of having to forgive yourself first before you can, from a place of love, not obligation, offer true forgiveness. It is times like this, in forgiveness, that being first is not selfish -- it's absolutely necessary.
It's never easy, it takes much practice, and it needs to happen seven times seven.
Most challenging is forgiving from the heart. We might intellectually forgive and believe that we have done the work of forgiveness -- until the next time or some event stirs up those same feelings of anger and hurt.
The key is to recognize and associate those feelings with the need for forgiveness and then work to offer forgiveness from the heart -- the only place it can be offered.
Affirm, "God's presence works through me to forgive myself and others," and so it is.
In the June 2016 Yoga Journal, author, lecturer, and (I'll call her) spiritualist Maryanne Williamson wrote a short piece for the "I's A Yogi" feature.
Ms. Williamson writes about her daily spiritual practice of preparing for each day her Iyengar yoga and meditation practice. She offers that "If I've done my yoga and meditation practice, the chances of doing something stupid -- like sending a snarky email, or saying or texting something I regret -- are reduced, because these practices give us impulse control. Otherwise you are spewing your forces. Too many of us leak our energy."
This got me to thinking about a couple of things; how dedicated am I to a daily spiritual practice, and how might I be spewing or leaking my energy?
A visit to my cardiologist last week clearly demonstrated how uncommitted I had been (during the past five years) about cardio exercise -- something that I was admonished about if I wanted to remain healthy. It also brought into mind how I don't always take or make the time for daily meditation, though I do engage in prayerful contemplation to a much greater degree than I perform any cardio exercises, but neither of these practices are a defined part of my daily routine.
Then we get into leaking or spewing energy. Working as a federal employee, where processes seem to rule and common sense (to some degree) is not always prevalent, I feel that I spend time spinning wheels in the process aimlessly wasting energy. As I contemplated this leakage, I felt as if the answer was right in front of me; if I stopped spewing energy over what I perceived to be wrong, then I could be in the flow and not have any attachment to the process being right or wrong.
It was the same about the cardio and daily spiritual exercises. I knew that I should engage in both, but seemed to find excuses for not engaging, then spending energy rationalizing why I was right in not engaging.
Maybe a more appropriate response would be to engage energetically in the desire to want to be the best person I can be AND have a physical body that will support my spiritual energy.
WHOMP! Another metaphysical lesson from the Divine clearly intended strictly for me, and maybe you, as well.
It's not that often that I actually read articles in the magazines to which we subscribe. Oh, I look through the pages, see some new product or ogle at a recipe.
The cover of the May edition of Real Simple caught my attention when it mentioned an article, "The Art of Apologizing," and I knew it was perfect timing, as it was time for this monthly column.
The article by Jennifer King Lindley does a remarkable job at bringing multiple sources and authors together, all proclaiming how difficult we seem to want to make apologizing, the lengths we go to avoid it, and she even details the health implications of not apologizing.
One of the primary sources is Lauren Bloom, an interfaith minister, attorney, and author of The Art of the Apology. I personally thought it was humorous that Ms. Lindley would mention that Ms. Bloom was an interfaith minister first, and then an attorney; as if being a minister would give more credibility to her qualifications for knowing more about apologies.
Come to find out -- thank you, Google, and YouTube -- Ms. Bloom has done several interviews (available on YouTube) that talk about the importance of the apology.
As I have matured, I have made mistakes in my professional career and personal life, and there have been many times when I would rather have a root canal (without Novocain) than apologize. In many of those times, it was more about someone else being wrong, than me being right. Feelings were hurt -– some never recovered, and life moved on.
In more recent times -- I'm not sure or clear whether it is a sign of maturity, stubbornness, or just plain laziness -- it just seems to be easier to offer an apology than to take the time and energy to get all riled or worked up, and harbor those ill feelings.
One thoughtful idea from the article is the idea of apologizing for something that is completely outside our control and clearly not our individual fault. Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I'm so sorry you're having a bad day." What is there for you to be sorry for? I'm sure you could find other examples, and it would be interesting to count how many times each of us automatically do it or even those around us.
I pride myself of being conscious of my words. As words originate as thoughts, I have come to realize and take ownership of my thoughts, which then usually translate into words. Taking this to the next level, I take ownership of my thoughts and words. If my words or actions are misunderstood or construed in a way that is hurtful, I am mindful to make amends and apologize. If my well-meaning actions cause another pain or suffering, I again look to offer an apology.
In a recent counseling session with one of my subordinates, I mentioned that offering an apology is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. It demonstrates a level of maturity, an acceptance of responsibility and a clear indication of doing the right thing. We'll see if she listened, and if you, the reader got anything from the above.
I ride 45 miles each way in a vanpool to my daily job. I generally drive from the office to the commuter parking lot in the afternoon, which afforms me to opportunity to let someone else do the driving each morning.
Being that we're on the road before 5am each day, there are still a surprising number of vehicles who also travel I-95 towards Washington D.C.
As much as I'd love to close my eyes, meditate, read, or just relax, I just can't. I thought about it long and hard, as to why. I meditated on it, took the question within, and sought an answer.
What I found was that I became annoyed when the driver changed lanes too quickly, causing the van to feel as if it were tipping, or when he'd come up on a slower car and then change lanes at the last minute to get around it, or hit the brakes or gas quickly, causing us passengers to feel the effects of fast acceleration or even quicker braking action.
How could anyone relax or meditate under such conditions, I thought?
It wasn't until very recently that I came to the realization, that this was actually my issue, not the other driver's. How could I come to that conclusion? Wasn't he the one who was braking or accelerating too quickly, or changing lanes at the last moment and not taking the time to consider the surroundings and plan in advance how to maneuver around the slower vehicle? How could this be my issue? I certainly didn't drive this way. I always try to evaluate the surroundings and plan accordingly, and take the passenger's comfort into my driving actions. I certainly don't act that way!
It was in that moment that I realized: it was me.
It didn't matter if it was a driver in my van pool, or the cashier at the grocery store, the clerk at the DMV, or some irritating person at work. It was how I was reacting to their behavior.
There was nothing within the other driver's behavior that was unsafe or put us in harm's way. It just was "not how I'd do it" –- and that was my downfall.
We so want to be right, because we know better than others, right? We know what should be done, and just how it should be done, and anything that goes against our way of thinking, well, it's just not right!
So much of this could be translated into today's political environment and world events. It can be difficult to take a stand for inner peace.
Taking a peaceful stand does not condone or imply that unacceptable behavior is tolerated. It does mean that that kind of behavior has no power over the Truth of the spiritual light being that I AM.
It doesn't take much light to change the darkness, and the more light and love we bring into the darkness the more we cast such darkness into the shadows.
What does this have to do as ADL's Ombudsman?
The Ombudsman is responsible for evaluating contacts based on a perceived problem or area of concern in a non-judgmental, neutral, and unbiased manner; independent of any Board influence.
This month's article is meant for each of us to consider how each of us react when we have released control to another. We may be just along for the ride, or in some line.
Regardless of where we are, it is our choice to act; to be part of the darkness, or, through peace, to be part of that light.
As the ADL Ombudsman, I'm feeling like the lonely Maytag repairman who sits staring at the telephone waiting for a service call and finds ways to amuse himself. Maybe it's a good thing that emails to ADLOmbud@gmail.com are seemingly limited to announcements from the International Ombudsman Association conference and training opportunities.
I could always find topics of conflict resolution, dealing with difficult people, or offer some insights into personal experience in overcoming inner turmoil or frustration. Instead, I thought I would take this opportunity to "go back to basics" as to what an Ombudsman is, and my role in and for the Alliance of Divine Love.
The ADL Board recognized a need for a mechanism or process for affiliated Ministers to voice concerns over a policy, procedure, or raise an issue in a safe, informal, independent, impartial, and confidential way. Corporations, federal agencies, health care organizations, and now even religious organizations are seeing the value of an Ombudsman office in handling concerns without a formality typically associated with an Inspector General or other such process.
My role as ADL Ombudsman is to listen to a concern or issue raised by a contact (the term "contact" is a generic term used to reference a call or email to an Ombudsman office without referencing the identity or source of contact). There typically is a dialog between myself and the contact to gain as much information as possible related to the concern or issue. This dialog is critical to my understanding of the contact's perception of the issue or concern.
An Ombudsman is not to make any attempt in downplaying their concern, or try to justify a process or procedure. My role is to listen and to make sure I am understanding their point of view or perception.
Then, I seek information related to the issue or concern. This might be researching into a process or ADL policy, reviewing Bylaws, Charters, organizational structures, meeting minutes, administrative procedures, or conducting interviews.
Confidentiality and independence are paramount in my role as ADL Ombudsman. It is critical for contacts to know and understand that I will maintain their confidentiality to minimize or eliminate their fear of retaliation or retribution. Before accepting the position of ADL Ombudsman, I resigned as an ADL Board member and President of the ADL Mid-Atlantic Chapter, so as to provide a clear and independent function without any possibility of influence or interference by the ADL Board or my chapter. As the ADL Ombudsman, I report directly to Rev. Dr. Jo Ann Pessagno, President, ADL.
The only exceptions to confidentiality would occur if there appears to be an imminent risk of harm or illegal activity.
The contacts that I've received since accepting the position of ADL Ombudsman have centered around two central themes: procedures and interpersonal conflict.
While I can only offer some suggestions regarding interpersonal conflict and how we can try to work with difficult people or challenging situations, I do take pride in being able to shed some light on processes and policies that need to be reviewed by the ADL Board for consideration.
Writing this month's article has been a cathartic experience. During this time of Lent, I think I will "give up" the errored thought of thinking of my role as the ADL Ombudsman as the symbolic Maytag repairman, and accept the mantle of a service contract/home warranty provider -- the contact that you call when an appliance or other home system is troublesome and needs some attention. No longer will I bear the burden of a lone, coverall-wearing soul sitting in a chair with my feet on the desk. Instead, I accept the vision of a light worker, holding the high watch and ready to answer that call (or email) when the process seems broken or faulty.
As a long-time Unity Daily Word subscriber, the following was offered January 9, 2016, and I thought it worthy to include for this monthly newsletter.
This wisdom encourages me to listen carefully before reacting. Even during a challenge with another person, I listen for the wisdom of God and feel at peace.
Accessing this wellspring of peace within, I offer empathy and listen with my heart in my interactions.
Before speaking, I pause and listen in order to strengthen communications.
In all situations I speak with clarity, calm, and understanding.
In my mind I hold a clear view of peaceful outcomes.
I am grateful that my relationships are transformed through sacred listening.
"Let the wise also hear and gain in learning, and the discerning acquire skill." —Proverbs 1:5"
How often do we immediately fire back a response, especially when we are trying to make a point or counter-point to someone we feel is either not listening to us or has said something that we take issue or exception to?
What would it take, just to listen and wait for a full breath before responding. During that time it takes to breathe, we replay what we just heard -- listen from a place not from emotion but from a place of empathy. Then, when we have checked in with our heart, and we have determined what is in the greatest degree of love, we respond, in a manner that is true love.
How might our conversations be different? I wonder.
This month, I'd like to share some words from spiritual master, Tich Nhat Hanh, that resonate with me as I try to come to an understanding or some kind of meaning of what I hear and see what's happening in the news each day.
In his "The Roots of Anger", he offers, "Anger is rooted in our lack of understanding of ourselves and of the causes, deep-seated as well as immediate, that brought about this unpleasant state of affairs. Anger is also rooted in desire, pride, agitation, and suspicion. The primary roots of our anger are in ourselves. Our environment and other people are only secondary. It is not difficult for us to accept the enormous damage brought about by a natural disaster, such as an earthquake or a flood. But when damage is caused by another person, we don't have much patience. We know that earthquakes and floods have causes, and we should see that the person who has precipitated our anger also has reasons, deep-seated and immediate, for what he has done.
As is my usual situation, I did not practice or play golf as much during the spring and summer as I should have, so my game was not where it should have been, and quite honestly, it was pretty bad.
While I did not hit anyone, instead of hitting the ball through the tree-lined pastures where the ball should have gone, I was usually searching (usually in vain) for my ball in those woods, or hitting another ball because the one I hit went into the pond or wetlands.
Was I manifesting that I was in conflict and not in alignment? All I wanted to do was hit this little ball consistently where I aimed a decent distance. Nothing outside what is possible.
The more swings I took, the more frustrated I became, and the worse the shot became.
That still small voice deep within chose not to laugh at me, but to suggest that I take this opportunity to reflect on what was out of alignment within my life and make peace, the kind of peace that comes from forgiveness.
Between the golf strokes, I wracked my mind to figure out or understand just where I was out of alignment. My marriage is wonderful, my work with ADL is engaging but not overly taxing, my professional (day job) career is hectic, busy, and stressful. I would not have thought I was out of alignment, but, what did I know?
Before I left the office for the golf trip, I had left instructions to complete a software upgrade during my absence. During the first few days of the golf trip, during a call to the office to "check in," I learned that things had gone terribly wrong, that the upgrade was not successful, and that all the previous back-up disks were now corrupted.
I did not yell or scream, but I certainly made my displeasure extremely and forcefully clear, and I firmly expressed my position that the contractors working this upgrade needed to fix it and fix it fast.
I thought I had put the upgrade behind me or at least out of my conscious mind as I shifted my focus from work over the next several days to the tree-lined and manicured golf courses. Little did I know those thoughts of unrest remained in my consciousness.
When I finally realized that I was in conflict with myself regarding the software upgrade, wanting the contractors to fix the problems they encountered and not being smart enough to have foreseen the possibility of failure, I had to "hit the reset button."
Keeping focused on my breath, concentrating on "being in the moment," and not allowing the monkey mind or outside mental chatter to cloud my thoughts, I started to do much better. The ball would actually go where I aimed, and much further. It was a miracle!
I made a mental note to make a conscious effort to minimize the mental chatter through forgiving others for not living up to my expectations and for not being the people I wanted them to be. It was also important to forgive myself for becoming angry when others did not meet my expectations.
American journalist Sidney J. Harris wrote, "It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."
I will and fully acknowledge that changing my thoughts and consciousness did help with my golf. As in any endeavor, practice, practice, and more practice are the keys to success.
I affirm that as I will plan to play more golf in the spring, I can spend the time in between working on my feelings towards others and how I feel about myself.
How do we react to confrontational circumstances? Do we walk away, only to be angry with ourselves or the situation and carry that anger or frustration with us for hours, days, months, or even years? Do we aggressively engage with the person or institution that we feel has wronged us? Do we lash out verbally, use social media to "tell our story" so the world knows how we have been hurt?
We recognize that turning to Spirit is not going to automatically or magically change a process or frustration caused from some interaction with the phone or power company, or some other action. Maybe it's an interaction with someone from the grocery store, relative, or service provider. How does turning to God within help?
Re-reading Butterworth, by getting ourselves consciously established in the flow of life, we are able to see through the appearances of what we perceive through our vision, and delve deeper into the real reason the issue is causing pain. We consciously see the driving feeling that is causing our reaction. This can only be through our connection with Spirit and going to God first.
Once we have found that trigger in us, we can turn back to the situation with a clear, calm mind and heart –- in the Greatest Degree of Love -- and work to resolve the problem.
Maybe the resolution is to bless the experience and move on. Maybe it is a situation that involves a conversation with another; such as the ADL Ombudsman, should there be an issue that falls within the scope of ADL.
We should be careful about needing to "tell our story." Telling our story is akin to trying to gain either approval or sympathy for a situation in which we feel we were being wronged. Being in conflict should never be about who is right or who is wrong. It is about how we react to everyday situations.
There will always be times when we experience processes that either don't seem right, or we find that defined processes are not followed. I offer the ADL Ombudsman's office to help in those situations related to ADL to assist in those times.
If you have any thoughts about this monthly article, have suggestions, or need to reach out to me, as ADL Ombudsman, please contact me at adlombud@gmail.com.
John Quinones hosted an ABC television series, "What Would You Do?" and NBC News Jeff Rossen set up social experiments or situations (using actors) around a confrontational specific theme, and while hidden cameras watched to see what the general public would do; would a stranger step in and render some kind of help or assistance or just ignore the situation while continuing to watch to see what happened?
Why is this important and what does it have to do in an Ombudsman article? The premise of these segments has to do with "bystander," and what people are willing to do, or not willing to do, in any uncomfortable situation or conflict.
It's similar to the premise of the "whistle-blower" or formally filing a grievance. Taking action as a bystander is very different than taking action with something or someone that is causing you personal (or seemingly personal) conflict.
How many times have you had to deal with an erroneous charge on a credit card or utility bill, or deal with the phone or cable company, only to be subjected to the telephone matrix in order to get to speak with a live human and even then it might not be the right department or in an accent that you can understand?
How do we deal with situations where the conflict is not personally impacting us? A situation may be annoying or make us feel temporarily uncomfortable, such as screaming children running around a restaurant, but doing something about that is very different than taking the initiative to right a seeming wrong that has personally affected us.
Many companies and organizations are spending a lot of money teaching their employees how to engage in situations where they can have an impact as bystanders. It doesn't mean they are teaching employees to jump into the mix of the confrontation and fix anything. Rather, they teach what can be done from a place of calm and how to transition from a passive by-stander to a person of action.
We can take some of those lessons into account when dealing with the phone or cable company - though it might take several (or many) attempts!
Eric Butterworth, in his In The Flow of Life, mentions, "The 'getting along' relates only secondarily to the other person. Primarily, it refers to getting along with the reality of your Self and the determination to keep the channels of consciousness free from any and all obstructions....This doesn't mean to be blindly indifferent to what goes on in the world around you. But it does mean that before you try to understand or even correct conditions "out there," you first need to get yourself consciously established in the flow of life."
If you are in conflict with someone, the assumption based on his premise is that the other person is out of the flow of love and harmony. Butterworth continues, "But then that is his or her responsibility to live with. The incident is most certainly external, but the reaction is completely your own."
How do we react to confrontational situations? Do we engage by not engaging? Do we get angry, upset, or mad, or do we go within and establish that connection with the Divine and take responsibility for our actions?
How do we get over the hurt, frustration, anger?
Sounds like I have an article for next month's article.
These words, included in Rev. Dr. Gary Simmons's book, The I of the Storm, were never more relevant for me than when I was recently immersed with the notion that organizational rules and policies sometimes seem opaque, unfair, or just wrong.
The federal agency where I work has shifted their promotion process to a Rank-In-Person paradigm, where individuals within each career service annually self-nominate for promotion, complete a corporate résumé, provide a cover letter, and obtain supervisor approval with comments. All promotion packages are then divided among several higher-ranking members on a promotion panel from the same career service. After each promotion panel member has reviewed the packages, the entire panel convenes and all nomination packages are reviewed collectively, with the top choices chosen for promotion.
Earlier this past year, I followed the self-nomination process, had my résumé reviewed by other senior executives for clarity and completeness, spoke with other senior leadership within my chain, who mentioned that my annual evaluation scores were the highest in the Directorate and that while no one could guarantee anything, I should prepare for a promotion and a new position.
The day the promotions came and went, and I was not chosen. 25 others in my career service were promoted, but I was not.
I was devastated. Feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, embarrassment, humiliation, and unworthiness all flowed through my body simultaneously.
I wanted to lash out at the organization. I wanted to know exactly why I was not promoted – why didn't the promotion panel see me the way I saw myself or the way others who knew me did.
I internalized my frustration and anger. I so much wanted to understand. It brought the same feelings I had when a previous marriage ended after less than 30 days. Hurt, anger, frustration, embarrassment, humiliation, and unworthiness. Why wasn't I good enough? What is wrong with me?
He offers a 4-step process; toward your center – love, bless, do good, and pray.
For love, he suggests that in the presence of the enemy (whoever or whatever is against you), think of the person/situation as a mirror of the place in you where you are not connected to your wholeness or worth. If you were connected, you could not be intimidated or threatened.
He next offers, "Bless the person or situation. To bless someone or something is to endow that person or thing with the capacity to be a source of good in your life. Your blessing is an affirmation that all things are working together for good.
I am grateful for the opportunity to write this monthly article, as it was only through the need for newsletter material that I returned to this book – at a time when I needed to remember what I had previously learned, and apparently, needed to remember and process a little deeper.
The enemy or situation can be anything — a relationship, a promotion, standing in line at a store, or any other situation.
The opportunity for each of us is to determine how we see the situation and how we react. If we chose to view the situation as one of conflict, I offer using the steps identified in The I of the Storm as a growth and learning opportunity.
This month, I'd like to offer some ideas about conflict. We don't have to look very far to hear about conflict, as it seems to be everywhere in the news in numerous forms; political conflict, religious conflict, economic conflict, even environmental conflict. As a culture, we generally strive to avoid conflict, while some seem to embrace being either the source of conflict or relish in the resulting chaos or confusion.
As lightbeings, how we either embrace, deflect, or ignore conflict is dependent on how comfortable we are with our selves, our ability to rise above our human-ness, and our ability to deal with conflict at an energetic level.
Ombudsman programs typically deal with organizational or institutional conflicts or issues. Providing an opportunity for an organization's members to work through questions or issues with institutional processes, and bringing to light those areas where there is either the appearance or perception of darkness.
The Alban Institute, a nationally recognized organization providing leadership for clergy and church lay leaders in transformational models of ministry, offers books and experiential materials related to conflict between church leaders and congregations.
The Lombard Mennonite Peace Center, developed a process for "Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love," a powerful and spiritual-based process for actively working through conflict in a heart-centered way. Rev. Dr. Gary Simmons' book, The I of the Storm, is about embracing conflict and creating peace, and recognizing at the deepest-possible level, that no one or nothing is against you.
Conflict is inevitable and pervasive in our society and world. The only question is, "How are we going to show up and deal with conflict?" We can choose to ignore it, join or participate, hold the high watch, or find the greatest degree of love.
There will always be a need to ask questions about "process," and the Ombudsman program can be that avenue in which those questions can be asked in a safe, informal, and impartial way.
Our challenge is to recognize our human-ness when reacting to conflict and fill that darkness with light to minimize the sense and power of ego.
An Ombudsman program was chosen because of the history and worldwide acceptance of such a program by organizations and institutions and such a program was consistent with ADL's goals of finding the Divine Love in all situations.
The Ombudsman holds all communications with those seeking assistance in strict confidence, and does not disclose confidential communications unless given permission to do so. The only exception to this privilege of confidentiality is where there appears to be imminent risk of serious harm or illegal activity.
The Ombudsman will ask some basic questions about the problem or issue and create a case file. After some preliminary inquiries regarding the problem or issue, the Ombudsman will determine how best to proceed and will inform the originator of the call of the process to be followed.
Ministers can contact Rev. Randy, ADL's Ombudsman via email.
During the conference sponsored by the Tennessee River Valley Chapter, the National ADL Board voted to implement a new Ombudsman program.
Rev. Randy Fillmore was selected to serve as ADL's first Ombudsman to provide an informal, independent, impartial, and confidential process for ADL Ministers to lodge complaints in a safe and heart-centered environment without fear of retribution or retaliation.
The name "ombudsman" (om budz man), originating from Sweden, literally means "representative." At the most fundamental level, an ombudsman is one who assists individuals and groups in the resolution of conflicts or concerns.