 Why isn’t Retief satisfied when the Groaci finally show him the missing cruiser?
You don't have to be crazy to be an earth diplomat—but on Groac it sure helps! [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Worlds of If Science Fiction, March 1962. I "The Consul for the Terrestrial States," Retief said, "presents his compliments, et cetera, to the Ministry of Culture of the Groacian Autonomy, and with reference to the Ministry's invitation to attend a recital of interpretive grimacing, has the honor to express regret that he will be unable—" "You can't turn this invitation down," Administrative Assistant Meuhl said flatly. I've been tied up every off-duty hour since I got here—" "You can't offend the Groaci," Miss Meuhl said sharply. "Whaffle left here three months ago," Retief said, "leaving me in charge." "Well," Miss Meuhl said, snapping off the dictyper. "I don't recall dictating any letters today, Miss Meuhl," Retief said, pulling on a light cape. "Since I'm cutting out the culture from now on," Retief said, "I won't be so busy." "You've been here on Groac for four years, Miss Meuhl. "Mr. Retief, those are just the sort of questions we avoid with the Groaci. The pale-featured Groacian vibrated his throat-bladder in a distressed bleat. "The impossibility of access to outworlders. Outside, Retief stood for a moment looking across at the deeply carved windowless stucco facades lining the street, then started off in the direction of the Terrestrial Consulate General. The few Groacians on the street eyed him furtively, veered to avoid him as he passed. Flimsy high-wheeled ground cars puffed silently along the resilient pavement. An elaborate one picked out in pinkish paint seemed to indicate the Groacian equivalent of a bar. Retief went in. A Groacian bartender was dispensing clay pots of alcoholic drink from the bar-pit at the center of the room. He looked at Retief and froze in mid-motion, a metal tube poised over a waiting pot. "To enjoy a cooling drink," Retief said in Groacian, squatting down at the edge of the pit. "To not worry," Retief said, irritated. "To get the lead out," Retief said, placing a thick gold-piece in the dish provided. The barkeep whispered something, and two customers came up to the drunk, took his arms and helped him to the door. The other Groaci released him, hurried back inside.
 Retief believes the cruiser they show him is a decoy. The real missing cruiser was at least twenty-tons, which is much larger than the ship the Groacians reveal.
 Retief believes the cruiser they show him is a decoy. The real missing cruiser was at least twenty-tons, which is much larger than the ship the Groacians reveal.  Retief believes the cruiser they show him isn’t human made at all, meaning the real cruiser is still out there.  Retief believes the cruiser they show him is a replica, meaning the real cruiser is still out there.  Retief believes the cruiser they show him is a decoy. The real missing cruiser was a battle ship, while the cruiser they show him is of the domestic variety.