 Why does Lester want to kill himself?
Early in American Beauty , Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey), a weary reporter for a media magazine, masturbates in the shower while informing us in voice-over that we're witnessing the highlight of his day. "I have lost something," says Lester. Apparently, Lester doesn't realize that snipped roses are garden-variety symbols of castration, or he'd know what he has lost. But the makers of American Beauty are about to give Lester his roses back. Ambient noise falls away, the crowd disappears, and there she is, Lester's angel, writhing in slow motion--just for him. Later, Lester envisions her on a bed of red petals, then immersed in a bath of red petals.
 He feels lost.
 He feels he completely failed at life.  He hates his wife.  He is attracted to minors.  He feels lost.