 What didn't Feetch get at the end of the story?
Here's why you should ask for a "Feetch M-D" next time you get a can opener! [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Worlds of If Science Fiction, August 1958. "Feetch!" grated Ogden Piltdon, president of the Piltdon Opener Company, slamming the drafting board with his hairy fist, "I want results!" "But Mr. Piltdon," remonstrated Feetch unsteadily under his employer's glare, "don't you remember? It is built to last. It has dignity...." "Dignity," pronounced Piltdon, "is for museums. Four months, Feetch! I want it completely developed, engineered and tooled-up, ready for production. Otherwise, Feetch—" Feetch's body twitched. Four months, Feetch, no more!" A designer had to dream at his board, investigate, search, build, test, compare, discard. Twenty-five years of close supervision, dead-lines, production headaches, inadequate facilities and assistance. What had happened, to the proud dream he once had, the dream of exploring uncharted engineering regions, of unlimited time to investigate and develop? Ah, well, thought Feetch straightening his thin shoulders, he had managed somehow to design a few good things during his twenty-five years with Piltdon. "Got to be," answered Feetch tiredly. Departures, such as the thermal or motor-driven types, would be too expensive for mass production." They began testing, Hanson operating the openers and Feetch clocking. "Four point four," announced Feetch after the last test. It might seem that use of the proper gear ratios would give the required velocity, but there were too many other factors that negated this direct approach. Twenty-five years of your life you put in with Piltdon, and he'd fire you just like that if you don't do the impossible. The Piltdon Company is built upon your designs and you get handed this deal!" "Well, well," said Feetch. Piltdon is a household word, but who has heard of Feetch? Well,"—Feetch blew his nose—"how do we stand, Hanson?" "Hello," said Feetch as an aproned machinist entered carrying a glistening mechanism. The machinist departed and Hanson locked the opener on a can. "Yes," said Feetch. "Spinach, I think," said Feetch. Likewise several corn cans, sweet potato cans and corned-beef hash cans, leaving their contents intact. "Dear, dear," said Feetch, regarding the piles of food on the bench.
 Piltdon's job
 Money to pay for his wife's medical bills  Credit for his discoveries  The job he wanted  Piltdon's job