 What didn't Feetch discover?
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Worlds of If Science Fiction, August 1958. "Feetch!" grated Ogden Piltdon, president of the Piltdon Opener Company, slamming the drafting board with his hairy fist, "I want results!" "But Mr. Piltdon," remonstrated Feetch unsteadily under his employer's glare, "don't you remember? "Dignity," pronounced Piltdon, "is for museums. Four months, Feetch! I want it completely developed, engineered and tooled-up, ready for production. Otherwise, Feetch—" Feetch's body twitched. Four months, Feetch, no more!" A designer had to dream at his board, investigate, search, build, test, compare, discard. What had happened, to the proud dream he once had, the dream of exploring uncharted engineering regions, of unlimited time to investigate and develop? Ah, well, thought Feetch straightening his thin shoulders, he had managed somehow to design a few good things during his twenty-five years with Piltdon. "Got to be," answered Feetch tiredly. They began testing, Hanson operating the openers and Feetch clocking. "Four point four," announced Feetch after the last test. Twenty-five years of your life you put in with Piltdon, and he'd fire you just like that if you don't do the impossible. "Well, well," said Feetch. Piltdon is a household word, but who has heard of Feetch? "Hello," said Feetch as an aproned machinist entered carrying a glistening mechanism. "Yes," said Feetch. "Spinach, I think," said Feetch. "Dear, dear," said Feetch, regarding the piles of food on the bench. What motions can we plot in the area of disappearance and what are their analytical mathematical formulae? Several days later, however, Piltdon himself charged into the drawing room and slapped Feetch heartily on the back, causing him to break a pencil point. "Feetch!" roared Piltdon. "Mr. Piltdon—" said Feetch shakily. "Feetch," bit out Piltdon, his face growing hard. Receiving no satisfactory explanation from Piltdon, they set up their own research. Noted physicists probed, measured, weighed, traced, X-rayed, dissolved, spun, peered at, photographed, magnetized, exploded, shattered and analyzed Super-Openers without achieving the glimmer of a satisfactory explanation. And still, thought Feetch wryly, he received no recognition.
 The fastest-opening can opener
 Where the cans were going  The fastest-opening can opener  Multiple different universes  How to make the cans disappear safely