You Might Not Be A Harvey Weinstein But You Could Be An Aziz Ansari
Harvey Weinstein
It is very easy to look at  Harvey Weinstein  and make a moral judgement.  The man  was an immensely powerful studio executive with the power to make or break careers.  He  forced  himself  on dozens  if not literally hundreds of women.  He  is  quite frankly  unattractive. In short   he  fits the image of a serial rapist. We can look at  his  behavior and match it to what we collectively understand about rape. There is no semblance of consent anywhere in there. Men can examine their own behavior and say “I have never whipped it out and masturbated into a potted plant ” and do so with confidence. They are not Harvey Weinstein.
But  Aziz Ansari  is more complicated  because it is less cut and dry. There are not hundreds of women coming forward. There is no weird sexual behavior  only relatively common practices.  The woman  doesn’t even have a firm identity that we can use to make comparative judgments about our proximity to  her . (This is not to say I don’t believe the account  just that anonymity often raises public suspicion a la Rolling Stone’s “A Rape on Campus”.) Men read Grace’s story and begin to panic. They’ve done things like that before - had sex without communicating  had a hook-up end with someone in tears. Does this mean they too will lose their careers  their standing in the public? If it can happen to Aziz Ansari  a self-proclaimed feminist comedian  could it really happen to anyone?
Harvey Weinstein is an anomaly  or at least a relative rarity. Aziz Ansari is not. When Weiss adds the throwaway line  “I’m apparently the victim of sexual assault” at the beginning of the piece  it has a kind of weight to it that few readers likely pick up on. It signifies that  yes  the epidemic of sexual violence really is as widespread and pervasive as we’ve been saying  because sexual violence doesn’t just entail brutal  violent acts of rape. It means that  no  it’s not just as easy as women being able to boldly proclaim their sexual agency in the same way that men do without being labeled a slut or a whore. It says that  yes  men are complicit in this system in a variety of ways and at different places within the hierarchy of abuse.
The sad fact is that Grace  whoever she may be  did not choose to have what to most men seems an unpleasant sexual encounter become so deeply upsetting. Perhaps another woman would have been disturbed but ultimately unaffected in the long term. But this is not how trauma operates.  We  do not get to choose when and how it affects  us   or under what circumstances it can seep into  us . When  we  freeze up  choke on  our  words  are unable to fully sit in  our  bodies it is not because  we  consciously choose to do so  it is because  we  revert to some primal instinct of self-protection.
It is very easy to look at [TGT]and make a moral judgement.  The man  was an immensely powerful studio executive with the power to make or break careers.  He  forced  himself  on dozens  if not literally hundreds of women.  He  is  quite frankly  unattractive. In short   he  fits the image of a serial rapist. We can look at  his  behavior and match it to what we collectively understand about rape. There is no semblance of consent anywhere in there. Men can examine their own behavior and say “I have never whipped it out and masturbated into a potted plant ” and do so with confidence. They are not [TGT].
But  Aziz Ansari  is more complicated  because it is less cut and dry. There are not hundreds of women coming forward. There is no weird sexual behavior  only relatively common practices.  The woman  doesn’t even have a firm identity that we can use to make comparative judgments about our proximity to  her . (This is not to say I don’t believe the account  just that anonymity often raises public suspicion a la Rolling Stone’s “A Rape on Campus”.) Men read Grace’s story and begin to panic. They’ve done things like that before - had sex without communicating  had a hook-up end with someone in tears. Does this mean they too will lose their careers  their standing in the public? If it can happen to Aziz Ansari  a self-proclaimed feminist comedian  could it really happen to anyone?
[TGT] is an anomaly  or at least a relative rarity. Aziz Ansari is not. When Weiss adds the throwaway line  “I’m apparently the victim of sexual assault” at the beginning of the piece  it has a kind of weight to it that few readers likely pick up on. It signifies that  yes  the epidemic of sexual violence really is as widespread and pervasive as we’ve been saying  because sexual violence doesn’t just entail brutal  violent acts of rape. It means that  no  it’s not just as easy as women being able to boldly proclaim their sexual agency in the same way that men do without being labeled a slut or a whore. It says that  yes  men are complicit in this system in a variety of ways and at different places within the hierarchy of abuse.
The sad fact is that Grace  whoever she may be  did not choose to have what to most men seems an unpleasant sexual encounter become so deeply upsetting. Perhaps another woman would have been disturbed but ultimately unaffected in the long term. But this is not how trauma operates.  [TGT]  do not get to choose when and how it affects  [TGT]   or under what circumstances it can seep into  [TGT] . When  [TGT]  freeze up  choke on  [TGT]  words  are unable to fully sit in  [TGT]  bodies it is not because  [TGT]  consciously choose to do so  it is because  we  revert to some primal instinct of self-protection.