Carolyn Hax : Is that a cheap shot or am I a cheapskate?
Carolyn Hax
Dear Carolyn : My girlfriend and I just went on our first vacation together. I thought it went well  but after we were home  she  told me  she  felt I had been cheap because I wanted to split all costs 50-50.
I’m concerned that  she  and I have fundamentally different attitudes toward money  and also that we have fundamentally different attitudes toward communication  as I think  she  should have spoken up when I first proposed splitting 50-50  not waited until after the vacation was over.
First Vacationer: I’m definitely with you on the communication problem. Yes  it would have helped for  her  to say something beforehand — if in fact  she  had doubts then. But even if  she  wasn’t sure till  she  actually saw what you meant by “50-50 ” then speaking up on the spot would have been the more productive thing to do: “Hey  when you said 50-50  I thought you meant we’d share expenses — but I wasn’t expecting that we’d split every meal down to the loose change.”
She did eventually speak up  though    so you have that. Use  it  by responding honestly with your concerns. Say you wish she had said something as soon as this bothered her  and ask if there’s a reason she didn’t.
Dear Carolyn : My girlfriend and I just went on our first vacation together. I thought it went well  but after we were home  she  told me  she  felt I had been cheap because I wanted to split all costs 50-50.
I’m concerned that  she  and I have fundamentally different attitudes toward money  and also that we have fundamentally different attitudes toward communication  as I think  she  should have spoken up when I first proposed splitting 50-50  not waited until after the vacation was over.
First Vacationer: I’m definitely with you on the communication problem. Yes  it would have helped for  her  to say something beforehand — if in fact  she  had doubts then. But even if  she  wasn’t sure till  she  actually saw what you meant by “50-50 ” then speaking up on the spot would have been the more productive thing to do: “Hey  when you said 50-50  I thought you meant we’d share expenses — but I wasn’t expecting that we’d split every meal down to the loose change.”
She did eventually speak up  though    so you have that. Use  it  by responding honestly with your concerns. Say you wish she had said something as soon as this bothered her  and ask if there’s a reason she didn’t.