Here at The Choice, we’ve been deeply moved by the intensely personal stories submitted by readers in response to Ann Derry’s essay this week about how her college-age daughter coped with the death of her father.  At the least, the more than four dozen dispatches submitted thus far put the process of applying to college — which parents and students alike can sometimes regard as life or death — in much-needed perspective. The stories, particularly those on obstacles long since overcome, are inspiring.  We particularly want to draw your attention to those that described a faculty member, counselor or roommate who rose to the occasion on behalf of a grieving student.  There was this one, for example, from Susan Shwartz:  I will never forget the kindness and consideration that Mount Holyoke College showed me. From getting me on the plane to keeping in touch with me while I was home sitting shivah, they could not have been more compassionate.  Each of my faculty members hand-wrote a note of condolence to my mother and me, expressing sympathy and telling me to take as long as I needed in coming back and picking up the responsibilities of my studies.  As a result, I was able to return promptly and finish the semester with high grades and renewed respect for my college. Forty years later, I still remember.  One month before returning to college for my senior year, my aunt, who had been my guardian since both my parents had died 10 years before, died at our home. It was the morning after I had returned from a trip to Europe with my college’s glee club. Sudden and unexpected, yes, indeed.  Perhaps because I was a reticent child by nature, I never inquired about support services at school. Then again, this was 1973; I’m not sure such a thing existed. But, I had an extraordinary group of friends waiting for me when I returned to college — we all lived together in a house — and them I did tell.  The writer, who signed this dispatch “CB in Augusta,” added: “The human capacity to cope is astounding. That is what ultimately saves us.”  Then there was this one, which landed just this morning:  My name is Andrea Tanco, I am 18 years old and I am from Mexico. In 2008, I was granted a scholarship to study in the United World College of Hong Kong. It was the first time I was traveling out of the country. Not to mention, that I was only 16 years old and I was moving to the other side of the world without my parents.  The day of departure came, and as I approached the departure gate to board my plane, tears came down my face. I turned to my parents and my dad laughed and yelled, ‘Don’t cry, I’ll see you soon!.’ I boarded my flight thinking that I was going to see my father over Christmas break. The morning I woke up in Hong Kong, my father was gone – killed in a car accident.  Reading your note drove me back to the day my father passed away.  Over the summer, I interviewed W. Houston Dougharty, vice president for student affairs at Grinnell College in Iowa, for an article in Education Life about the transition from home to college. Mr. Dougharty, who has counseled more than a few grieving college students, submitted a comment on Thursday that responded to Ms. Derry’s description of the good care her daughter Emma had received at the University of California, Berkeley.  Mr. Dougharty wrote, in part:  I’m so thrilled (and not at all surprised) to hear that Emma’s faculty were so understanding and accommodating. So often students and their families forget that those of us who work on college campuses are dedicated to the growth and support of the whole student, including in times of emergency and sorrow.  Those of us who work in student affairs — on campuses large (like the U.C.s) and small (like here at Grinnell) — are always eager and trained to be of assistance — as counselors, residence life professionals, academic advisers, deans or even security officers who can help students get to the train, bus or plane.  I’ll reserve the last word for Ms. Derry:  Emma and I have read every post and we’re so impressed that people have taken the time and care to tell their own very personal stories.  It’s been overwhelming and extremely gratifying — and helpful — to receive such a heartfelt response.  If you’d like to keep this conversation going, you may submit a comment on the original discussion thread, or using the box below.
Times readers tell stories, some from decades ago, about struggling to overcome the deaths of mothers, fathers, siblings and other close relatives, amid the pressures and distractions of college life.