Every now and again Westminster is given an unwelcome reminder that it is there to serve the public rather than the other way round. With more than 500,000 people having signed an online petition calling for the government to ban presidential hopeful Donald Trump from the UK, a handful of MPs were obliged to debate the issue in Westminster Hall. As most of them could think of far better things to do than spend an hour or so chatting about the Trumpster, those who did so were inevitably a self-selecting group of the more attention-seeking parliamentarians.  Labour’s Paul Flynn got proceedings under way by saying precisely nothing. And taking 10 minutes to do so. “The democratic will of the people must be expressed,” he burbled. Though not acted on, because no one has any intention of banning the Trumpster from the UK – no matter how much more hateful and idiotic he becomes – as there is still an outside chance the Americans might be daft enough to elect him president later in the year. Having to unban an American president would not be a great start to international relations with our supposed closest ally.  “He’s a horrible man with horrible ideas and it’s horrible America has already banned some UK Muslims but it would be even more horrible to ban him; banning him would be to play into his hands by providing him with the oxygen of publicity,” he meandered on, breathing deep on his own oxygen of publicity. Labour’s Paul Scully was the next to suck on the O2 cylinder, achieving the impossible by saying even less than Flynn.  So it went on. Trump was very, very nasty, obvs, but it would be far better to just take him round a few Islington mosques and chat about gun crime than ban him. Yadda yadda yadda. There’s something about people being incredibly sanctimonious about the freedom of speech that makes it markedly less attractive. Tulip Siddiq was one of only a few to call for a ban – but only as a late afterthought. Waffle was becoming contagious. Naz Shah first called for a ban, then said she would like to invite him to her constituency and then clarified matters by saying she wasn’t calling for a ban after all.  The prize for hypocrisy went to Tommy Sheppard and Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh; having spent years and years brown-nosing the Trumpster in the hope of getting him to invest his dosh in golf courses and hotels, the SNP has only just woken up to the fact that he’s a not-very-bright xenophobe. Better late than never.  This being a Westminster Hall debate no vote was taken. Then none was really needed. Had there been an amendment debate on allowing the Trumpster into the country but banning his hair, it would have been passed unanimously.  Given the choice, most Labour MPs look as if they’d much rather ban their frontbench defence team from the country. Normally there’s a cluster of backbenchers immediately behind the frontbench, but for Emily Thornberry’s first outing as shadow defence Secretary there wasn’t a soul within yards of her. Other than her three utterly miserable junior ministers who were obliged to break the invisible no-go zone.  Had Typhoid Emily bothered to turn round rather than just stare at her phone, all she would have experienced was friendly fire. Former junior defence minister Kevan Jones started the black op against his own side by asking: “Despite ill-informed comments from my own party at the weekend with regards to these jobs, would you also agree with me that simply you can’t turn them on and off like a tap when you need them?”  Predictably, the defence secretary, Michael Fallon, was only too happy to agree. If in his usual graceless manner; a trip to charm school would do wonders for him.  Defence isn’t a Labour strong point right now. The official party policy is still to support a Trident nuclear deterrent, but Jeremy Corbyn would rather pursue unilateral disarmament – a line that hasn’t gone down well either with those who believe in nuclear deterrence or the unions who see thousands of defence jobs disappearing. Their latest “third way” idea of spending £30bn on unarmed nuclear submarines smacks of desperation. In the Trumpster we trust. Possibly.
Trump waffle was contagious in Westminster Hall, where MPs breathed deep on the oxygen of publicity while saying next to nothing