A plain black suit is an essential part of any man’s wardrobe. Tailoring is also important, because an ill-fitting suit makes you look like you’re playing dress-up.  OK, maybe not a pair of Tom Ford dress shoes, but something similar. Just remember that you get what you pay for, so invest wisely.  You need something to wear with khakis, or that blue (tailored) suit, right?  Who cares if you know how the market works or not?  It doesn’t need to be the most expensive, it just has to have the necessities: hammer, screwdriver (both Phillips and flathead), wrench, pliers, and a tape measure.  If your wallet has any Velcro on it whatsoever, burn it.  Because checking what time it is on your phone is sooo 2011.  If you’re still sleeping on a futon, this list may not be for you.  Now you see the light.  For when that tool kit just seems too difficult.  Throwing your crap in a plastic bag or backpack when heading to Las Vegas won’t cut it anymore.  The essentials being rocks and wine glasses. The rest are for when you finally get that wet bar together.  Those nose hairs aren’t going to trim themselves.  Oh, stop whining and get one already.  If your one towel is cracking, then it’s time to man up and invest in super soft and luxurious spa towels.  If you own one knife, it better be a chef’s knife. Like shoes, investing in quality is a smarter move. So make sure the blade’s steel runs through the handle.  It’s better to be prepared than disappointed when you win that trip overseas in that radio call-in contest.  See, Derek knows what’s up.  Your mom isn’t going to be around forever to fix the holes in your sweater. Also, if that sweater keeps getting holes, it might be time to get a new sweater.  Just in case, ya know?  Oh, you don’t have the room? Explain that during your job interview while you squirm in your wrinkled pants and shirt.  I don’t even care if you own a car or not; just own them.  And when they start to get yellow in the armpits, toss ‘em.  So you can do stuff like this.  Just because you have cats doesn’t mean you have to showcase it to the world. Same goes for dandruff.  It screams, “Move out the way. I got this.”  Keep it classic with Wayfarers or aviators. No shutter shades, though; your face is not a bay window.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just needs to be able to play The Clash’s London Calling without it skipping.  Just have something that says, “I leave my house occasionally and have a somewhat active lifestyle.” Even darts work.  Nothing says “I love you” more than making your significant other coffee in a French press. If you don’t have a S.O., screw it, more coffee for you, then.  As with socks, if they have holes then they goes. In the trash, that is.  And at least one good recipe to go with it.  With at least a 300-thread count.  If you’re asking, “Why?” then just move on, because I’m done with you.  Hey, at least they match.  If you live in a city that necessitates you driving, of course.  Nobody is saying you have to read them all, but just having them speaks volumes.  For when the president comes over, right?
You aren't a kid anymore. So stop acting like one, and start being the grown-azz man you ought to be.