How the energy secretary arrived at his figure is a fine guide to the workings of modern Government. He commissioned a Population Viability Analysis, ruminating over such things as the “effects of kleptoparatism by black-headed gulls” on the local tern colony. Not to mention the problem of counting what actually constitutes a local tern, given their extraordinarily annoying habit of flying around a bit and inviting mates over from Denmark and the Netherlands for a spot of avian hanky-panky.  Still, it’s good to see how seriously the Government is tackling Britain’s energy needs, while attempting to meet those tricky renewable targets.  No-one likes on-shore windfarms, which spoil the view and are useless on puff-free days – but, unless you’re a bird, it’s much harder to object to the offshore variety.  Centrica had been working on its Docking Shoal plan since 2004, with the project awaiting planning consent for more than three and a half years.  In the process, it’s run up a £10m bill, which works out as a fair bit per tern. Indeed, fitting them with NHS specs to spot what a wind turbine looks like could hardly have been pricier.  As for Davey, it’s moments like these that demonstrate his aptitude for tough decisions. He might be a bit squeamish, though, for the defence department.  Nothing's been fair at Farepak, the Christmas savings club ruined by its managers and then killed off malevolently by HBOS.  The lender, now owned by Lloyds Banking Group, got a proper monstering last month from Justice Smith for its “hardball” tactics. Even when it knew Farepak was heading for insolvency, it still kept the “Doris money” coming in, as its bankers so charmingly called it.  Between September and October 2006 that added up to £10m. And as the senior creditor, HBOS must have known that cash would wind up back at the bank, ensuring its £30m-odd loan got repaid in full.  Until last month, HBOS had made a mere £2m donation to the 120,000 largely poor and elderly savers who lost £35m. The judge told Lloyds to have a bit of a think about whether it “ought to make a further substantial payment”.  Now Lloyds has come up with an ex-gratia £8m and some guff about taking on not only “its legal and financial obligations, but also wider responsibilities”.  Really? On the simplest maths, HBOS still looks quids-in. And, given Lloyds is 41pc owned by the taxpayer, we’re picking up two-fifths of the bill.  A far better demonstration of “wider responsibilities” would be for the bankers involved to put their hands in their own pockets.  Shocking, isn’t it. Three whole days gone by without any directors resigning from Barclays.  If you still need proof of just how badly the board misjudged the fall-out from the Libor scandal, consider why it settled first – before any of the other banks embroiled in the interest-rate rigging affair.  Barclays got a 30pc discount on its £290m fine for coming quietly with UK and US regulators. But the damage far outweighs that – not least for Bob “I love Barclays” Diamond.  Barclays could have played for time and bogged down the FSA for months in arbitration at the Regulatory Decisions Committee, in the hope that another bank might get done over first. That could have been enough for some air cover. Instead, the board thought it could brazen it out and hang on to Diamond.
Sandwich terns are avid readers of this column. So, here&rsquo;s a bit of advice:   that thing in the sea below is not a tree. No, my feathered friend. It&rsquo;s a   killing machine, a vicious, whirring terninator.