It takes a lot for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) to get really mad at someone, but when it happens, man, it really happens. This week GLAAD let loose their ire on TLC’s upcoming special My Husband’s Not Gay, which premieres on Sunday 11 January at 10pm EST – directly opposite the Golden Globes, ensuring that nary a gay man will actually see it.  “This show is downright irresponsible,” said GLAAD’s president, Sarah Kate Ellis, in a statement on the organisation’s website. “No one can change who they love, and, more importantly, no one should have to. By investing in this dangerous programming, TLC is putting countless young LGBT people in harm’s way.” GLAAD isn’t the only one trying to get TLC to pull the plug: nearly 100,000 people have signed a petition at change.org asking for the network, the former home of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, to cancel the broadcast.  At first blush, I would agree with GLAAD that it is irresponsible to espouse the doctrine of reparative therapy, where religious groups believe that gay men and lesbians can pray the gay away and live heterosexual lives. It’s dangerous to tell people that they can somehow stop being gay if God waves a magic wand and makes them really think there is something incredibly sexy about Megan Fox wearing a belly chain.  That’s not really what this show is about though. My Husband’s Not Gay focuses on four Mormon men, three of whom are married, all of whom have what they call SSA – same sex attraction. They form a support group that meets regularly in settings both religious and social. Three of the men are married to women and have children. One, Tom, is a 34-year-old who has never kissed a woman (or man), but wants to settle down with a nice lady. One of his friend’s wives even sets him up on a blind date.  None of these men think they are straight. They acknowledge their attraction to men and choose to not act on it. They all realise that their attraction will never go away, but there are some things they would rather have – a family, societal acceptance, a close relationship with Mormonism, pleated khakis – than hot, sweaty, man-on-man action. There’s really not much difference between these guys and bisexuals who are married and in monogamous relationships and therefore can only get with someone of one gender. In fact, they’re just like anyone in a monogamous relationship. If someone sleeps with only one partner, it doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to other people; it just means he doesn’t act on that attraction. The same thing is going on with these guys.  In fact, their relationships come off as strangely attractive. They are open with their spouses about how they feel about men and their spouses are frank about how those attractions make them feel. None of the women seem particularly happy about their husbands’ orientation, but they’re dealing with it and they’re all honest. That’s a lot more than you can say for many couples, who keep their darker urges locked behind closet doors.  Does that mean I agree with their choice? No, I do not, and I think that the Church of Latter Day Saints is abominable for making men choose between their faith and their sexual orientation. But these are not my choices to make. Just as I hope they all respect my right to live as an openly gay man, I guess I have to give them the same respect to choose not to act on their desires.  There are a gay man and a former member of the SSA community who get to give their views during the 60-minute special. They both seem to think that men who are attracted to men should be with men. I can’t dispute that.  Yes, a lot of the show uses gay stereotypes to wink at these guys and the way they navigate the world. There is lots of talk about how they all need their time with the guys. They also take Tom shopping for his big date, because there is nothing more heterosexual than a bunch of guys shopping and talking about the cute boys they see in the store.  That’s nothing compared to their trip to play basketball, where most of them are routinely awful at shooting hoops and spend more time joking with the shirtless dudes on the other court than they do trying to get together a solid pickup game. This is also where Tom tells us how straight-acting he is, mostly because he really likes Broadway musicals. Pret (maybe it’s a Mormon name?), one of the married dudes, has a sculpted physique and is a male nurse. Hmm …  However, there are some deeper moments. Jeff has a conversation with his wife, Tanya, where he says he’s going on a camping trip with some male friends. Expressing concern, she reminds him of a time when there were a bunch of guys over their house to spend the night and things got “out of control”. They don’t expand upon it, but I imagine a bunch of middle-aged dudes in the rec room of a finished basement in a half-naked scrum with that magic Mormon underwear littered all over the wall-to-wall carpeting.  The thing about My Husband’s Not Gay is that it is not going to convince anyone at either end of the ideological spectrum. Gay men are going to think these men’s lives are awful, while religious conservatives will think they’re noble. No TLC special will change that. For everyone in the middle or grappling with their own orientation, I hope it is clear to them that, though this is a valid choice, it’s not a life that seems worth living.  As far as the special’s merits as a television show, it’s boring, repetitive and poorly orchestrated. Even the men at the heart of it aren’t essentially that interesting. Inevitably, the protests seem destined to give My Husband’s Not Gay attention it doesn’t deserve.
Gay activists are up in arms about the TLC show, which follows Mormon men who have ‘same-sex attraction’ but don’t act on the impulse. They’ve got it wrong