A hospital in China, in Shandong province, is offering men the chance to experience the pain of childbirth. So far, around 100 men have signed up, the majority of them expectant fathers, though some are doing it just for “thrills”. Pads are attached to their abdomens and a series of electric shocks given to simulate contractions, rising in intensity from one to 10.  All this is because some expectant mothers complained that they were not receiving enough sympathy and understanding from their partners. But surely, even if they made it all the way up to 10, men would still have very little idea about what women go through in labour?  I’m not denying that it’s darkly amusing to think of all these twerps rolling around clutching their tummies being given electric shocks. Last year, two American men did something similar in front of their pregnant wives. However, is anybody seriously pretending that this is anything other than electric shocks administered to the stomach area, a kind of sadistic Slendertone for delusional men? Indeed, isn’t it kind of awful how the miracle of childbirth, a uniquely female experience can be reduced to the equivalent of a risible theme-park ride for the benefit of the male of the species, though (crucially) with all the really frightening bits taken out? I’m picturing some bozo in a lab coat turning to another and saying: “Just electric shock their stomachs a bit, that should cover it.” It doesn’t, does it?  For a start, the test subjects were only subjected to these electric currents for a maximum of five minutes. Five minutes! Real labours can stretch over many hours, sometimes even days. Moreover, the men could stop the shocks if they needed to – I’d like to meet the woman who could “stop” her labour when she’s had enough. Pregnant women also experience many physical changes in the months leading up to the birth, not least the fact that there’s a another human growing inside them. Then there are all the things that could go wrong – everything from breech births, forceps deliveries and emergency caesareans to vaginal tearing, episiotomies, cords wrapped around necks and stillbirths. Which “fun” buttons do we press to simulate all that?  Such complications (and worse) are an integral part of childbirth for the majority of women, if they happen to experience them or not. This is another thing that electro-shock pads couldn’t hope to simulate – the anxiety about things going seriously awry during childbirth, the emotional toll it takes on a woman. This is why giving birth has traditionally been highly respected, not only because it’s agonisingly stressful and unavoidably bloody, but because the process poses huge risks to mother and child.  At best, this labour simulation is just over-simpatico nonsense. Without a baby involved, an electric shock to the abdomen is just pain. You may as well kick a man in the testicles – that’s supposed to hurt too.  Probably not as much as an episiotomy or a vaginal tear, though for both sexes, this may truly not be the time to get into a pissing contest.  Ultimately, however, while this labour simulating appears to be pro-female (make men feel our pain!), there is something about it that seems contemptuous and slyly undermining towards women. Certainly it’s grotesquely disrespectful to the large numbers of women who continue to die from maternal mortality all over the world, many of whom are forced to give birth without proper drugs, medical assistance or adequate sanitation.  For them, childbirth isn’t about Robbie Williams boogying around his wife’s hospital bed, singing Let It Go, it’s a deeply serious business. It certainly isn’t about male thrill-seeking – reducing the seriousness and terror of the sharp end of procreation to a bizarre cross between an extreme sport and a joke.  Look away now if you have ever admired Donald Sutherland, in any film ever. Sutherland has been rhapsodising about Jennifer Lawrence, his co-star in The Hunger Games franchise.  There was the usual load of thespian cobblers about her being able to find The Truth in any material she works with. (Has any actor ever said of another actor: “They found the lies in the script. Such mendacity. It was embarrassing”?)  Then it got much worse. Sutherland said that Lawrence was a genius in the right place at the right time, and likened her to Jesus Christ and Joan of Arc.  Oh dear. Will I ever be able to watch Don’t Look Now in quite the same way again?  We all realise that it’s Luvvie Law to be excessively complimentary to your co-stars. Also that press junkets can become a tad dull, so you may as well indulge in hyperbole to liven things up. That said, Jesus Christ? Joan of Arc?  I’m sure even Ms Lawrence doesn’t find herself that great. Sutherland needs to realise that he’s guilty of the celebrity crime of Over-Raving and he really needs to tone it down a bit.  The Occupy activists have returned to protest outside parliament, despite the police saying that they had no right to camp there.  It’s easy to mock the Occupy protesters, mainly because they can sometimes look like the most chattering-class revolution in social history. However, to its credit, Occupy is not giving up easily, and, for all the alleged disruption in central London (mainly comprised of frustrated motorists parping their horns), to my mind it’s the police who are behaving in a highly inappropriate manner.  Should they be allowed to move peaceful protesters away from public sites? Moreover, police are employing a law that means that protesters are no longer allowed to wear masks or cover their faces, and photographs and videos are being taken of them.  All this is presumably to keep tabs on protesters, and build up a database, in addition to details taken when someone is arrested, as well as to intimidate them at the scene (as is the case with kettling), and it makes me extremely uneasy.  Some of the protesters seem to live their lives this way, and may be beyond caring about the authorities. However, others are student-aged, which doesn’t make their protests any less valid, but it does make it unfair for them to be branded by it. Keeping abreast of terrorist activity is one thing but using such methods in the sphere of peaceful, legal protest is quite another.  When did it become acceptable for people not to be allowed to protest without fear of repercussion, or ending up on a database, potentially for the rest of their lives? This merits a protest in itself.
Barbara Ellen: Fathers in China have been given a chance to ‘feel what it’s like to give birth’. Oh, please