I’ve had a little look online to see if I could find an answer as to why I mainly get guys interested in sexual encounters.  I am very open-minded and flirtatious, etc, but I’m not going to let my potential date know this. Is there a way to turn around someone making a sexual innuendo about something on my profile?  I do get a lot of people making positive comments about my apple analogy. And then I get a message from a great-looking guy and it’s about something inappropriate. Very disappointing.  I’m 44 and on the verge of giving up!  I’m including a screengrab of your ‘apple analogy’ for our readers’ sake.  Now, here’s a theory: by including this poetic statement about sexual restraint in your profile, I think it may be having the reverse-psychology effect of inspiring men to email you “inappropriate” things.  Is it possible to turn one of them from sleazebag to Prince Charming? Not really. To be honest, they’re probably not men who you want to date, even if they’re great-looking. They’re messaging you because they like to get a rise out of a woman they suspect may be prudish. They’re not trying to connect with you. They’re … bad apples.  But here’s a thought. You note that you’re very “open and flirtatious” but that you don’t want people to know that before you go on a date with them. I think that could be a little self-defeating. You also mentioned that you get a lot of “positive remarks” about your apple analogy, and yet you remain disappointed by the men who you’re meeting. Could it be possible that it’s of interest to men at extreme ends of the spectrum – prudish or sleazy – and not the guys who you really want to meet?  I’m not recommending that you edit your profile to be something that you’re uncomfortable with or that doesn’t reflect you. But sometimes it’s OK to leave something out.  I often advise other folks not to list things that they don’t like on their profiles, and I think basically the same principle applies here: you’re telling men that you’re not easy, but not what you can be. If you take a more neutral stance towards flirtation, rather than blatantly positioning yourself as at the top of the “tree”, you’ll hear from more guys who take a similarly neutral position: interested in the possibility of flirtation and maybe more, but not determined to raise it in your first conversation or on your first encounter.
Swipe Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. This week: how to avoid unwanted sexual innuendo online