Mardy Fish said goodbye to professional tennis on Wednesday at the US Open, bringing to an end a career that contained plenty of highs but which, with the exception of a brave finale, was taken away from him just as it was really getting going.  For the record, Fish’s last match was a 2-6, 6-3, 1-6, 7-5, 6-3 defeat by Spain’s Feliciano Lopez, a battle that saw the American serve for the match in the fourth set and cramp badly in the dying stages. Given what he’s been through over the past three years, it was never going to be a fairytale ending; but the fact that the 33-year-old even had an ending of his own choice was a huge success story in itself.  For the past three years, Fish has been suffering from a severe anxiety disorder that at its worst point, left him feeling unable to leave his house. Having vanished from the ATP Tour as he dealt with a condition that affects millions of Americans, at differing levels, every day, Fish even took up golf and was good enough to twice play in the US Open sectional qualifying event.  But he always wanted one last hurrah. Not in terms of results; he knew that was never going to happen. But he wanted to go out on his own terms, not be overrun by an illness that came out of the blue and cut him down in his prime. It took an enormous amount of hard work, medication and therapy to get him to this point and just being back on the court at Flushing Meadows, where demons mingled with golden memories, was a huge achievement. That he won a match was a minor miracle.  Related: Frances Tiafoe, presumptive future of American tennis, shows well in defeat  It’s 11 years since Fish, with his big booming serve and text-book double-handed backhand won a silver medal at the Olympics in Athens. Hugely naturally talented, he’s the first to admit he didn’t work as hard as many others but in 2010 he changed his diet, his routine, his training and the hard work paid off. In 2011, he qualified for the season-ending ATP World Tour Finals and in 2012, he stood at a career-high ranking of seventh, just before the US Open, where it all came crashing down.  Fish’s career was peaking. But his body and mind were not playing ball. In March that year, he began suffering from a heart condition that required surgery. Still, he seemed fine on court until that September at Flushing Meadows when, during a third-round match against Gilles Simon, he experienced an anxiety attack.  It has doubtless taken a lot of soul-searching to reach this point and an awful lot of help but perhaps the most remarkable thing about Fish is that he does not feel unlucky. If there was ever some “why me?” moments, then they’ve gone. He’s content with his life in Los Angeles, with his wife and young son, and when he looks back on his career now, he is proud of what he has achieved.  “No, I don’t feel unlucky in the broad scheme of it,” he told the Guardian. “I’ve got an incredible family, I’ve been blessed to play a game for a living, and even more than that, I’ve been blessed to have the ability to play it and the ability to play two sports at the same time. There’s not many people that are able to do that, so yeah, I feel very lucky.  “There are certain circumstances where I feel a little unlucky or why did this happen to me but I’m sort of transitioning from that and finding ways that I can learn from it and help with it. I always feel like things happen for a reason and what’s the reasoning behind this? Well, maybe it’s one of life’s callings, maybe it’s me helping people bring awareness to mental health, helping people understand why certain things happen with people, that have it and suffer from it, bring awareness to it and hopefully help other people deal with it.  Related: US Open 2015: Andy Murray moves on as Nick Kyrgios succumbs  “After all. I had a really great career. I have won over 300 matches, won a bunch of tournaments, almost won a bunch of big tournaments, beaten a lot of good players and done more things than I ever could have imagined. So, it’ll be all fine. I put my head on my pillow now, knowing that in the later stages in my career, from 2010 on, I did everything I possibly could do to be as good as I could possibly be, I know it sounds really cheesy but it was actually true. I really did everything possible to be as good as I could have been. Seven in the world was that.”  Fish says he is sure other players are struggling with similar issues, something he reiterated at the US Open this week. “There’s a ton of guys in the locker room, I’m sure, that have trouble with it from whatever level it is,” he said. “I have spoken to some male and female players about it privately. Maybe they are just not comfortable, you know, right here with cameras on them talking about it. But I’m to the point now where, yes, it helped me and it helps me to talk about it.”  Issues of mental health have long been taboo in professional sport but in recent years, several high-profile athletes have finally felt able to open up about their problems. When trying to explain why he has suffered, Fish suggested that a change in expectations, driven by his success, may have triggered the attacks. But through this process, he has also learned what happened to his brain.  “What it comes down to, chemically, scientifically, is that it’s a chemical imbalance,” he said. “I had my serotonin in my brain emptied out and that’s how I developed severe anxiety disorder. For the medication to kick in it basically pumps serotonin back into my brain and brings normal levels back into my brain to where I can have normal thought and function on a normal basis on a daily basis without having to curl up into a ball and hope nothing happens to me.  The therapy, he says, has been a massive help and is something he expects to continue for the foreseeable future. Medication, on the other hand, is something he one day hopes to do without. “The therapy is something that’s very comforting for me. I enjoy sort of checking in with him on things. I speak with a sports psychologist all the time, I speak with my psychiatrist fewer and fewer [times] than I used to, sort of on a couple of months basis.  “The medication will hopefully be something that once I stop playing tennis and move into other things in my life, sort of wean off that. I don’t foresee myself being on it forever, but trust me, the alternative is much, much worse. But I’m very comfortable now with it. It’s not in the front of my mind but I’ll hope to wean myself off it eventually – hopefully I can get to the point when I don’t need any of that stuff and feel very comfortable away from it.”  Fish says he would like to help others suffering from similar conditions and also plans to work with US juniors over the next few months. As he hangs up his rackets, he will leave the Tour with numerous memories, some great and some not so great, but with a host of achievements, none bigger, perhaps than when he was sitting in London in 2011 at the ATP World Tour Finals, deserving of his place alongside the very best in the world.  “That was such a special time,” he said. “At that time I wasn’t dealing with any of the pressures and anxiety issues … and that was maybe the happiest time in my career, when all the culmination of all the hard work [becomes clear]. Man, you just sit there and I remember talking to all you guys on the couch and just kind of thinking, there’s Roger over there and there’s Rafa over there. These guys do this every year but man, this is just a cool thing to be a part of and one day I can tell my son that I made that one time. I am so glad I was able to make it once, just to experience it all. It was just an amazing feeling.”
The former world No7 ended his career with defeat in the second round but overcame a serious anxiety disorder to compete at Flushing Meadows one last time