Hello Alice. How are you?I am doing great. We’re in Jacksonville, Florida tonight, Miami tomorrow. It’s a never-ending tour!  You’ll be in Swindon around Halloween. What are you hoping for from the people of Swindon?Well the coincidental thing about Swindon is that my wife’s maiden name is Goddard, and the Goddards are the major family of Swindon (1). I said to her: “You must own something here.” No. Nothing. It means nothing. As for Halloween, as far as I can see the only place that really goes for it in England is Camden.  Every day is Halloween in Camden. Well yeah. Other places in England kind of like it but they’re not into it. It doesn’t matter — we’ll take Halloween with us.  Vis-a-vis costumes, there’s an officially licensed Alice Cooper latex mask on eBay for £39. Is that a reasonable price?Yeah! That’s not bad. The main costume this year is going to be Donald Trump.  Two Shredded Wheat, whack them on your head: job done.Absolutely. You’ve just gotta walk round shouting “BLAHBLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!” [Pause] “BLAHBLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!”  Related: See Johnny Depp shred as he lays down a solo with Hollywood Vampires  Your new Hollywood Vampires album (2) is not exactly short on guitarists. Well, I’ve always liked to have two or three gunslingers.  It doesn’t seem very efficient. Isn’t the music business supposed to be streamlining?Not in this band! It’s just like, let’s get ALL the guitar players! Let’s get Slash AND Joe Perry on this! We’ve got the drummers, too: Zak Starkey, Abe from McCartney’s band, Dave Grohl …  Rumour has it that Dave Grohl’s actually quite a nice guy …He really is. When I first saw Nirvana, the first thing that drew my attention was the drummer. He played like a 70s drummer. That attracted me immediately.  What did Salvador Dalí smell like (3)?Well he’s the strangest thing. I’m pretty sure there are aliens that walk among us. And it’s always the guys who are in first place. The guy in first place is way, way ahead of the guy in second place. The Beatles, for instance – the next band down was way, way down. And that’s Salvador Dalí.  The Beatles were aliens?Take Fred Astaire. Nobody danced like Fred Astaire, because he was from another planet. When Tiger Woods was in his prime I thought he was going to say: “This is what we really look like on other planets.” So there are certain people I’m pretty sure aren’t of this planet, and Dalí was one of them. They say never meet your idols; I’d studied him, but you assume that when you meet him it will all be an act. But he was so bizarre that it was beyond belief. First of all nine nymphs walk in. Then Gala (4) walks in — she’s in a full tuxedo and spats, white gloves, the whole lot. Then in comes “the Dalí”. “The Dalí is here.” He’s got a giraffe-skin coat on, blue velvet pants and a pair of Aladdin shoes. He sits down and orders everyone a Scorpion, which is a shell full of every alcohol you can think of, with an orchid floating in it.  What was he like to work with? He’d say one word in Portuguese, one word in French, then one word in Italian, as well as some weird surrealistic language. We worked with him for three days then afterwards, at a press conference, a journalist asked me the same thing. I told them: “It was great, but I didn’t understand a word he said!” Then Dalí goes: “Perfect! Confusion is the greatest form of communication!” And I look at him and I go: “You speak ENGLISH? After three days of BABBLING?”  Kanye’s planning to run for President. Do you have any thoughts based on your plan to run for Governor of Arizona in the 80s?Well they wanted me to. I told them I didn’t have enough indictments. I wasn’t crooked enough to be a politician. I told them: “I can’t take the pay cut!” Also, it would have killed my golf game.  What’s the best sort of hat to wear when golfing?I like the visor. I’m the visor guy. It just looks cool. Hats are important. (5) The whole look is important.  If Gordon Ramsay came into Alice Cooper’s town (6) to see what was going on, how would it pan out?Well first of all we wouldn’t care because we couldn’t care less about Gordon Ramsay. In America, everyone just goes, “Yeah? So?” This is American comfort food! This is tuna noodle casserole (7), stuff you’d get in a pub!  The proceeds of your Hollywood Vampires album go to charity. Are you a worthy person?Yeah! MusiCares is about getting music for kids – there’s no music in school any more! I have another charity in Phoenix called Solid Rock Foundation, where I take any teenage kid who wants to come in and learn any instrument, and we’ll do it for free. And there’s the Starkey Hearing Foundation, where this guy goes round to places where people have never even seen a hearing aid, and he gives kids hearing aids. And they can hear for the first time! In Rio Je Janeiro they’re going to have like 30 kids who’ve never heard before, and the first thing they’ll hear is the Hollywood Vampires!  I don’t know if that’s a good thing to be honest.Yeah, I don’t know if they wanna hear manic depression. I think the first thing you’d want to hear is probably a kitten.  Anyway, you may be worthy but I have not been. Goodbye!Hey – if you can make it, come to a show! We’ll be at Wembley with Mötley Crüe!  (1) The Goddard manor was double-cube fronted with stone dressings and a baluster parapet, but was demolished in the 1950s.  (2) Hollywood Vampires are a supergroup paying homage to the legendary LA a-list booze club from the 70s. The album’s lineup includes Joe Perry on guitar, Johnny Depp on guitar, Slash on guitar, Robby Krieger on guitar, and Paul McCartney on bass.  (3) In 1973 Dalí captured Alice as a rotating hologram. Alice’s brain, positioned behind his head, was stuffed with a chocolate eclair and ants. You can see it at the Dalí Museum in Florida.  (4) Salvador’s wife, not the Freed From Desire chanteuse.  (5) Hats, in order of importance: Hard hat > Space helmet > Easter bonnet > Golf visor.  (6) Alice’s Phoenix-based restaurant and live music venue: “WHERE JOCKS AND ROCK MEET!” Since its appearance on the TV show Man vs Food, it now offers a hot dog called the Man vs Food Bases Loaded Full Unit. This consists of a 1lb, 22in hot dog in a baguette, topped with “Nightmare Chili”, bacon, shredded cheese, cheese sauce, sauerkraut, jalapeños, chopped onions, diced tomatoes and finished with sweet relish. Served with fries.
The golfing shock rocker on the aliens who lead global culture, why you can never have too many guitarists, and his connections to Swindon