European champions Arsenal appear to be ending their pursuit of Sporting Lisbon’s William Carvalho, a player who has been mentioned so many times in this column that the Mill is starting to doubt whether he exists, much like  Leandro Damião, who we must assume was a character made up by the papers to make sure there was always a way to fill space on a quiet day.  Damião never did get that move to Tottenham, did he? And Carvalho probably isn’t going to get that move to Arsenal if he signs a new contract with Sporting. Not that there is a contract. Or a William Carvalho. Or a Sporting Lisbon. It’s all a lie! None of it exists. Open your eyes, people.  Related: Chelsea held at Dynamo Kyiv but keep Champions League hopes alive  Jermain Defoe, though, he exists. Sort of. He’s kind of still a footballer, despite the evidence he’s provided to the contrary this season, and Bournemouth would like to sign him in January. They reckon the Sunderland man can fill the gaping hole in their attack that has been left by Callum Wilson’s injury.  Another striker whose powers are on the wane is Robin van Persie. But no one appears to have told Barcelona, who recently sent a scout to keep an eye on the Dutchman at Fenerbahce. Presumably the report centred around Van Persie’s newly developed deadliness in his own box and his carefully honed ability to sometimes break into a light jog every 30 minutes or so.  Good news for Chelsea! Juventus are going to give them £16m for Special Juan Cuadrado in January. Even better news for Chelsea! Roman Abramovich wants to replace José Mourinho with Pep Guardiola. Can someone please make sure that Mourinho doesn’t have access to nuclear codes?  Manchester United want the Red Star Belgrade youngster, Marko Grujic, as do Chelsea, who would also like to REPLACE JOSÉ MOURINHO WITH PEP GUARDIOLA. That’s right. CHELSEA WANT TO REPLACE JOSÉ MOURINHO WITH PEP GUARDIOLA. Poor José.
Jermain Defoe to hot-foot it to Bournemouth in January? | Manchester United to battle it out with Chelsea for Marko Grujic? | Juventus to make Juan Cuadrado’s loan move permanent?