Do you feel like you’re constantly having to make choices between work and family? Do you struggle with whether to duck out of that late afternoon meeting so you can pick up your child from daycare before it closes at 6? Or better yet, before 5, before your child is the last one waiting for their parent? We often ask these questions of working mothers, but for those dads out there, I am asking you.  After all, a greater number of fathers than mothers now reports experiencing work-family conflict. When I talked to fathers, they told me over and over that it was really hard to work and be the kind of father they wanted to be. Echoing mothers of the past they talked about having two full-time jobs, one as wage earner and one as nurturing dad. The former is a role we have assigned to fathers since the industrial revolution took work out of the home, and while women can and do take on this role we have trouble letting go of our expectations for fathers to be the main breadwinner. Meanwhile, the latter is a role that places a different and often conflicting set of expectations on fathers.  While we increasingly expect fathers to be more involved at home, in daily caregiving as well as play time, the workplace has not been very accommodating. Here are some ways dads can achieve a better work-life balance:  1) Evaluate your family’s needs. Make a list of all the things you need to do for your family. It may seem overwhelming at first but it’s good to know all of your family responsibilities. Work together with your wife/partner so that you can best coordinate family tasks with work schedules.  2) Act as though your family deserves the same responsibility as your work. A lot of people see work as something they need to do and family as something they want to do. You need to change the way you see your family. Sure, it should be fun, but it also involves some work, too. Make sure that you set aside time for all the family responsibilities you came up with in point 1, and treat them as though they need to get done.  3) Leave work at work. You already put enough hours in at work. When you leave work, don’t bring a stack of papers or your laptop with you. Stop checking email every 5 minutes.  4) Take advantage of workplace flexibility. Many workplaces, though not all, have work-family policies that are intended to help you balance these two important domains. These policies are not just for women. If it works better for your family for you to do the morning run to school, see if you can push back your work hours (same applies for the afternoon). If you can work from home occasionally or regularly, try it.  5) Use all your vacation days. A majority of American workers don’t use all of their vacation days. Many face a paradox where they feel as if they have too much work to take a vacation. Taking time away from work will make you feel refreshed and likely more productive upon your return. Plus, this is a perfect opportunity to spend time with family.  6) Change jobs if you need to. If your employer is not responsive to your needs, find another job. Keep in mind that your employer should want to “sell” their position to you as much as you want to “sell” yourself.  7) Make your voice heard. A lot of the above strategies would be a lot easier if the US had good policies in place to help workers achieve a better work-life balance. We are the only developed country without paid parental leave, paid vacation days, and a maximum work week. Ask local, state, and federal politicians about these issues any chance you get.  Dads need to make changes. It’s hard work having it all. But it can be done. It means letting your family influence your work life rather than the other way around.  Gayle Kaufman is the author of “Superdads: How Fathers Balance Work and Family in the 21st Century.”
For Father's Day, why not become an even better parent? Here are seven steps to help dads find a better balance between home and the office.