In The Conversation, David Brooks and Gail Collins talk between columns every Wednesday.Gail Collins: David, let’s talk about something other than the Republican primaries. Newt Gingrich is just not a holiday subject.  In The Conversation, David Brooks and Gail Collins talk between columns every Wednesday.  David Brooks: Are you sure? I think Gingrich had a lobbying contract with the Pharisees. They paid him $1.6 million a year for his work as a historian.  Gail: Actually, I wanted to take a holiday political break so I can complain about holiday overkill. I know I’ve brought up this question in the past, but it came rocketing back yesterday morning when I was standing in line at my neighborhood Starbucks, forced to listen to Neil Diamond singing “The Little Drummer Boy.”  “The Little Drummer Boy” is my least favorite Christmas song. There’s something about that pa-rum-pum that curdles my spine. It should never be sung by anyone over the age of 8. Anyway, then I remembered that the day before, I had been in the very same place and I was forced to listen to Dean Martin singing “Winter Wonderland.” This seems wrong, very wrong.  David: Have I ever told you about my days in the Grace Church School choir? Before puberty, I had a lovely voice (and cherubic hair). I was part of what I think of as the All-Jewish Boys Davening Choir. We sang all the words in the hymns except for the word “Jesus.” As I recall, the volume actually dropped.  All this is to say I know what I’m talking about when I say that “Little Drummer Boy” is an outstanding carol, one of my absolute favorites. I rarely can get by the 17th repetition of “pa-rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum” without crying and wanting to buy an Xbox for my kids.  Gail: My complaints about holiday overkill have two sections: quantity and quality.  When it comes to the quantity, this is all about the American rule that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. When the N.B.A. settled its labor dispute, we were told fans would have an abbreviated basketball season beginning on Christmas. There are going to be 990 games in the abbreviated season! Isn’t that plenty?  David: At least you guys had the decency to effectively drop 11 of the 12 days of Christmas. We still celebrate all eight nights of the Festival of Lights, and this is for a holiday we still haven’t figured out how to spell. Speaking of which, as you weary of hearing Dean Martin singing about Christmas, have you reflected on the fact that for Jews every single modern Hanukkah song is by Adam Sandler?  Gail: At this point, I was going to point to an example of American excess by noting that there are three cable TV shows about people who bid for abandoned storage lockers. Then last night I found a fourth, which concerned only people who bid for abandoned storage lockers in Texas. Anyway, about Christmas: I understand the needs of the nation’s embattled retailers. But we have to end this two-month holiday season. A holiday should be brief.  David: I will concede that a holiday season should be no longer than one-eighth of a presidential campaign. But I completely get into the Christmas spirit. By the way, I was in the mall the other day and I noticed that not only can little kids get their picture taken with Santa Claus, now there is a Mrs. Claus sitting next to him. Is this a sly way to have a chaperone? Another possibility is that is part of the Obama stimulus jobs program.  Gail: For starters, could we maybe put in place a rule restricting the playing of Christmas songs to a two-week window? I think I could handle two weeks. Of course that wouldn’t count anything sung in church, by chorale groups, or “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” I really have a soft spot for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”  David: I see what you’re saying, though I like “Ding Dong Merrily On High,” which I assume is a Christmas drug anthem. Plus I always enjoy Adam Sandler singing “Ave Maria,” so long as he throws in a few pa-rum-pum-pum-pums.
Christmas and Hanukkah have arrived a bit early, accompanied by carols and Adam Sandler. Must we sing along?