Candles, cake, presents and friends are what usually come to mind when you remember your 10th birthday. But Dahlia Gruen's 10th birthday was on 9/11.  "I got home and saw my parents on the steps and I was excited, thinking they were home for my birthday," says Gruen, now 19, of Boston. "They sat me down and explained what had happened, and I began to realize my birthday wouldn't ever be the same."  That evening Gruen gathered with some friends to try to celebrate her birthday. "The meaning sank in and my friends were crying too," she says. "It was something I don't think I'll ever forget."  Every year Gruen and millions of other Americans share their birthday with a national tragedy. Some feel guilty for celebrating the day while the rest of the country is mourning.  Most people "will not have that reaction unless they had a close connection either by losing someone or living in an area directly affected, like New York City," Washington, D.C., psychologist Susan Stafford says. She trains mental health professionals for disaster response. "But we need to get back to a sense of normal … people are resilient."  Mark Garfinkel for USA TODAY  Dahlia Gruen with her family, from left, her brother Joshua , dad Dan, Dahlia, her mom Elana and sister Rinatte.  After her 10th birthday, Gruen, assisted by her dad, created a website called birthdayspirit.org, for others with 9/11 birthdays. Hundreds of people have contacted her through the site.  "We wanted to reclaim Sept. 11, and not overlook what happened, but to remember the good that was born on this day too," she says. "A one-page website can do so much, and I've connected with many special people. I look forward to each and every e-mail."  "Some people have read about it or Googled it or heard through word of mouth," she said. "The closer it gets to 9/11 the more emails I get from people and it's really inspiring to hear everyone's stories and how much the site has helped them."  For an earlier generation, 9/11 is similar to having a birthday on Pearl Harbor Day, Dec. 7. But for Mary Beth Erdman, 56, of Darnestown, Md., Sept. 11 signifies a loss of innocence and that life will not be the same.  "To me it's a difference of the world we live in now," Erdman said. "But it's still my birthday, still a special day for me. On 9/11 they had brought in a cake for my birthday but it was not a celebratory mood."  Others who responded to a USA TODAY query about celebrating birthdays on 9/11 seem to agree.  "For years I just couldn't do it," Brenda Watwood, 52 of Brentwood, Tenn., says. Then her mother sent her "a very sweet letter, that I will always treasure." She said 'I know how hard it is for you to celebrate your birthday on the day you were born, but know this: Sept. 11 will always and forever be one of the happiest days of my life.'"  Jennifer Sumner, 39, of Montgomery, Ala., notes that "it's somewhat taboo to have a party," on 9/11, so she usually celebrates the weekend before. "I'm not upset it happened on my birthday because there are many other tragedies throughout the year." This year, her husband is planning a surprise for her 40th birthday but she doesn't know exactly when it will be.  Barbara Lazer, 58, of Pittsburgh was working for Aon, an insurance firm in the Twin Towers that lost more than 200 employees on 9/11. But her two grandchildren love to celebrate birthdays, so "we have just moved the date to Sept. 1."  Some have found that traveling outside of the USA for their birthday can help to really get away from the reminders of 9/11. In 2009, Fran Glogowski, 58, of Whitehall, Pa., traveled to Greece with her boyfriend, who specifically booked the trip so the couple would arrive the morning of Sept. 11.  "Upon arrival to the hotel, there were a dozen red roses my children had sent me half-way around the world to celebrate my birthday," said Glogowski. "I felt so loved, it made the day much easier to get through."  Some readers said celebrating other personal holidays that fall on 9/11 can also be difficult. Michael and Jonna VanDeWalker of Springfield, Ore., were married on Sept. 11, 1990.  "The day of the attack we were packed and ready to go camping — it's the way we like to spend our anniversary," Michael VanDeWalker says. After hearing the news, the couple decided to still take the trip. "For us, it is our day and we won't allow the terrorists to win and play into fears."  The 9/11 birthday website "has become a part of who I am," Gruen says. "I feel a bond with all those born on 9/11 and that I wouldn't change."
People with 9/11 birthdays often struggle with feelings of guilt or feel selfish for wanting to celebrate on a national day of mourning.