Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke. Drip. Drip. Drip. Prod. Prod. Prod. Poke. Poke. Poke.  And repeat ad nauseam. It gets a bit annoying after a while, a bit much, and doesn't Jose Mourinho know it. He's after David Moyes. You can be sure of that. He's probably not going to poke him in the eye tonight and he hasn't even bothered to kidnap his family. He's even tried to sound complimentary and respectful, patting Moyes on the head and playfully ruffling his hair, patronising him to within an inch of his life. But he's after him. He's watched Moyes fail to sign the players United needed this summer and he's watched Moyes give Wayne Rooney, who is still wanted by Chelsea, just enough of a reason to have been left "angry and confused" and desperate to leave Old Trafford.  Because of ethics, Mourinho said that Chelsea would wait until after tonight's match to make a third bid for Rooney, which effectively amounted to a bid. There's a plan behind everything he says. Sometimes you have to read between the lines; sometimes it's obvious. Just the other day, he was asked whether United fans will give him a heated reception tonight. A picture of innocence, he said it wasn't him who told Rooney he would be second choice at United, somehow managing to keep the butter in his mouth at an ice-cool temperature. So Moyes was to blame? "Of course." He's after him. Moyes, though, has been canny enough not to take the bait from a man who made Pep Guardiola play a three-man defence at Barcelona and sign Alexis Sanchez, before eventually fleeing to New York. Probably a wise move.  You'll have noticed there's been very little discussion about football before the football match we're all here for. It's been transfers this, transfers that. No transfers have actually happened, though. The wait goes on. Rooney is still at United and may play tonight. Juan Mata isn't going to Tottenham. But he might go somewhere. One of them will probably score the winner. Football. There's a match. What a match. David Moyes's first at Old Trafford and he's up against Jose Mourinho. What an occasion. Mourinho won here with Real Madrid last season. Chelsea won here under Rafa Benitez, albeit against Alex Buttner's Manchester United. United are terrified of Chelsea's creative geniuses. But United have Robin van Persie and Chelsea have Fernando Torres. Let battle commence.
Minute-by-minute report: Find out who will win the first big clash of the season with Jacob Steinberg's updates