Oftentimes a funny character will pop up on Saturday Night Live or in an episode of a show such as Parks and Recreation. The Bronze, the first feature from noted television commercial director Bryan Buckley, is under the misapprehension that this is all you need for a two-hour film. Those condemned to watch this movie will know as early as the 10-minute mark how very wrong this is.  The Bronze is co-written and stars Melissa Rauch, who is, it should be said, a gifted performer with exquisite comedic timing. The story is a ripoff of the HBO series Eastbound & Down, but instead of a narcissistic and foul washed-up baseball pitcher, it’s a narcissistic and foul washed-up gymnast. Hope Greggory, as she is called, had a moment of international glory when she came back from a torn achilles heel during the Olympics to still win third place. But that was 10 years ago and her 15 minutes (not to mention her endorsement deals) are done. She lives with her mailman father (Gary Cole) and wanders around the local mall in an angry, stoned haze.  The first act of the film wins some laughs on surrealist shock humour, but at the expense of ever accepting this character and her world as real. When a series of plot contortions force Hope to become the coach of an up-and-coming goodie-two-shoes gymnast (Haley Lu Richardson), The Bronze decides to go heavy on the mush, with training montages, treacly music and a love story. Once this happens, all the air is let out of this movie. It’s as if South Park were to suddenly ask you to care about Cartman’s character development. Not that The Bronze is anywhere near as funny as South Park.  Occasional zingers from co-stars like Sebastian Stan as a rival coach and Thomas Middleditch as Hope’s assistant poke through and may rouse your from your stonefaced stupor. There’s also an amusing (and quite randy) sex scene that finally answers the question: “How do gymnasts make love?” It’ll be well worth your time to search for this scene on YouTube in a year’s time. The rest of the picture does not make it past the elimination round.
This year’s festival kicks off in unconvincing style with an Eastbound & Down comedy displaying contorted plot and tin-eared dialogue