From Marcia Clark to Mary Epps to Bette and Dot Tattler, Sarah Paulson has played a range of complex characters in stories with even more complicated plots. By comparison, her role in this week’s drama Blue Jay is simple. The film, which is shot in black and white and takes place over one afternoon, tells the story of two small-town high school sweethearts (Amanda and Jim) who reconnect after running into each other at the supermarket. The two spend the afternoon together and suddenly, things aren’t so simple any more. As Amanda and Jim ease themselves back into their patterns of familiarity, the film raises questions about heartbreak, romantic nostalgia and how long we can flirt with the past before it comes crashing into the present.  What do you think it is about old love that is so intoxicating? Why do you think we’re so tempted to look back at a previous relationship when we’re in a new, happier situation?  Nostalgia gives you real context for where you are today. It’s proof that you exist, in a way, because you look back and think, ‘I had this, I experienced this.’ So it kind of shines a light on why you’re at where you are – whether that’s in a romantic relationship or that you’re single because your last relationship was so harrowing that you’re relieved to be on your own. I think it gives you a nice counterpoint for wherever you’re standing. And we need that.  Why do we need that?  We’re constantly as human beings trying to understand why we do what we do, and how we got to wherever we find ourselves today. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to look back and go, ‘I can’t believe I spent one day with that person, much less two years.’ Looking back is a way to sharpen the focus on the things you want to change in your life. I think there’s something about nostalgia that really puts a fine point on the here-and-now, and that can be incredibly fascinating and interesting and engaging for the mind.  There’s something about nostalgia that really puts a fine point on the here-and-now  You’ve had several relationships, and now you’re in a new one with Holland Taylor. How do you stay present in it – and avoid comparing it to what came before?  I don’t feel like a very nostalgic person. I think about the past much more clinically. When I look back and wonder, ‘Why was I doing that? Was it a waste of time?’, I don’t beat myself up. Instead, I say, ‘I’m so glad I did that, because now I really know what matters to me.’  Holland has said something very wise to me before: “All we have is right now.” So there’s no point in sort of pouring over old picture books or love letters. Something else she says is: “Some things defy pondering.” As in, what does it matter, the why of it? It was, it isn’t any more, and let’s look forward. And I think there’s something very, very powerful about that. I have the great good fortune of being with someone who is older and wiser than I am. And I reap a tremendous benefit from her perspective, in terms of the power of staying in the moment. Because that’s really all we have. It’s a very powerful thing to keep reminding myself. And it’s certainly good for my very overactive brain.  The night you won the Emmy was hailed as a huge night for gay women in TV. You’ve always pushed back against being labeled in terms of your sexuality, but did you feel a part of that collective win?  I have the great good fortune of being with someone who is older and wiser than I am  It’s a complicated thing to talk about. The issues this raises are big and important, I don’t want to give superficial answers. In terms of my speech, I wanted to say I love you to the person I love. Everyone else does it, so should I not do it because the person I love is a woman? And so I thought, you know what? I’m just gonna do it. I wasn’t worried over it. It was a flashing thought – ‘should I do it?’. And I thought to myself, ‘The fact that I am having this thought is wrong in the first place.’ The idea that I would have to take a moment before I say this to consider what impact it might have that could be negative, is an asinine thing to engage with mentally, and I refuse to do it. So I just said what I wanted to say.  Your speech got so much attention. What was the rest of the night like?  It felt like my wedding. I have never been married so I’m saying this based on what other people say but like, every time I went to put a bite of food in my mouth someone would come over to me and Marcia [Clark], so I’d scarf it down. Every time I’d go to take a sip of my cocktail, somebody would say hi and I’d have to put it down. And as exciting and as celebratory as the evening was, I couldn’t feel my ankles, my feet were broken, I was home and in bed at 12.30. A few nights later I asked Marcia if we could go out and have a proper recap – just us, wearing flats, and it was very sweet.  Beyond the headlines declaring this as a big year for women in Hollywood, does it actually feel any different to be working right now?  I think it’s hard to say. Because I played Marcia – a woman who had been so wronged in the press and judged so harshly for the superficial things we’re trying to move away from: her hair, her lack of lipstick, the length of her skirt – and I feel like we got that conversation sorted, in the sense that people now realize how wrong we were, it’s hard for me to feel in the moment that we haven’t made progress because I know there has been progress made in this one area, about this one woman. I know that what the show did was give Marcia something that she has not had before, which she deserved and was owed. So it’s hard for me to get a sense of where the true needle lies right now.  What about personally, does it feel any differently for you?  The two times I was ever asked to play a romantic lead on a TV show, I auditioned as a brunette and they wanted me to go blonde – one wanted me to put these giant mermaid-like extensions in. And I put up with it then because of my own desperation to work. Now I would say no. If I need to have a prosthetic leg because it’s part of the story, then fine. If I need to be naked in the movie because it’s part of the story, I can get behind that. But I don’t know why I become more beautiful to the masses if my hair is a particular color or length. I don’t want to further the idea that a specific image is connected to appeal. I don’t want to be responsible for that.  I don’t know why I become more beautiful to the masses if my hair is a particular color or length  If as a collective of women, we can all start to stand up and say, ‘I won’t do that!’, I can see us starting to move the needle at some point. But, I have to be honest and say, I only have the ability to do that now because of what’s preceded it and because of the many times when I didn’t.  Why are you able to say no to those kinds of requests now?  It’s not because I’ve won an Emmy. It’s only come from the amount of work that I’ve done, and the fact that I’ve worked with Ryan Murphy, who is such a supporter of women and has never once asked me to do something that would make me more attractive. Not ever. Now I have an Emmy, however, someone in a room might be more inclined to listen to me when they haven’t before. And that’s another conversation. Why is my voice only given more merit because I’ve been given this honor for my work, whereas I might have had the same things to say six months ago?  Tell me about how you feel about American Horror Story, now that you’re doing so many new projects. What does the show still mean to you?  American Horror story is my home. It’s the place I feel the most comfortable. Working with Ryan was the first time I felt really seen by someone in a position of power. He went from giving me a part in three episodes on season one to throwing me into being the heroine in season two. That’s a big jump. And that’s my point. Ryan Murphy knows himself well enough, he knows what he likes and he doesn’t care what anyone else does. To have had that in my life only makes me want to do that more going forward, and for others to be able to have that as well. I will be at American Horror Story there as long as they will have me. It means home to me, it really does.  Blue Jay is released in cinemas on 7 October  • This interview has been condensed and edited for length.
The award-winning actor talks about her new film Blue Jay and why her success means that she doesn’t need to change her looks to get the roles she wants