Why do Parents Spank?
While many parents would agree that hitting children is wrong, spanking children continues to be used as an form of discipline because many parents think spanking will teach children not to do things that are prohibited. Some parents also believe that the nonphysical forms of discipline, like time–out, do not work.
Is Spanking Effective?
While spanking may relieve a parent’s frustration and stop misbehavior temporarily, it may be the least effective discipline method. It does not teach a substitute behavior. In fact, after spanking, children usually feel helpless, offended, embarrassed. The only lesson they learn, is to try harder not to get caught.
Spanking also conveys a wrong message to children. Spanking communicates that hitting is a normal way to solve problems, and that it is all right for a big person to strike a smaller one. When spanking is the primary discipline method used, it may have some potentially harmful long–term effects such as increasing the chances of misbehavior, aggression, violent or criminal behavior, impaired learning, and depression.
Parents of Infants
Spanking will only cause fear and anxiety in children who do not as yet understand such concepts as consequences and danger. Infants respond impulsively to many situations without a real understanding of their surroundings and abilities.
- Baby–proof your house so that there is nothing dangerous or breakable in reach.
- When there is danger, grasp an infant’s hand instead of slapping.
- When the infant is holding something that you do not want him to have, give him a toy instead of forcing the item from his hand. He will only hold on the item tighter if you try to snatch.
- Make sure that the baby is in a safe place and then leave the room if you feel your temper flaring.
Disciplining toddlers requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and patience, so it is important to find effective and appropriate techniques. For example, it will not be effective to tell toddlers not to play with items that are dangerous, such as the stove, because they do not understand the consequences. Spanking, however, will not clarify the consequences either. You must use discipline methods consistently or your child will learn that you are not serious.
- It is natural for toddlers to want to explore their environment so make sure it is safe by removing any harmful dangerous objects.
- Avoid direct clashes with toddlers, which will only make both of you angry and frustrated. Instead, try a diversion or distraction. Many problem situations can be eased with something funny or unexpected, such as tickling a mildly upset child.
- If you start to deliver a slap, divert it to your knee or a table. This sound will interrupt the behavior without hitting the child.
- Since spanking does not occur in calm situation it is important to control your anger. You can walk away, hit a pillow, or write a note. Once you have cooled down, you will probably feel less inclined to spank.
- When you start to feel angry with your children, clap your hands loudly. The sound will interrupt their behavior.
- If your child refuses to listen to you, crouch down to his level, grasp his arms firmly so he cannot avoid looking at you, and then talk calmly.
- If you feel you must punish your children, make sure the punishment is logically related to the incident so that they can learn the lesson you want to teach. Punish them appropriately. Show them that you are concerned for there safety, and that you will enforce safety rules as long as they are needed. Taking away TV, dessert, or spanking will not teach safety.
- Support good behavior. Hugs and praise will go a long way.
- Try to understand the feelings behind your child’s actions. Talk to an older child why they are angry. When an infant cries, ask yourself. Does she want to be held? Is her diaper wet? Is she hungry?
- Share your change of heart. If you have spanked your children in the past, but have decided that you will stop, talk to your children about your decision. This lesson can be valuable for your whole family.