Did you know that there is a very important debate that has raged in psychology, counseling and therapy programs for years? The debate is a very heated one, and it all centers around tissues….. yes, this controversial topic has caused many passionate verbal exchanges. And what is the debate? To pass or not pass a tissue box to a person who is crying.
Why the debate? It is really quite simple. It is all about the subtle cues we give to those around us.
There are two camps in this debate – those who are pro handing tissues to crying people and those who are against… these are their arguments.
Individuals need to be okay with crying. Therapists and others must be able to sit with tears as it is therapeutic for a person to know that they can release their tears without fear or shame. Passing a tissue box to a person who is crying sends a subconscious/ unspoken message that you are not comfortable with their tears. Handing a person a tissue box is the equivalent to saying to them, “wipe up those tears and make them go away.”
All individuals cry and most people in our society are able to accept and handle this. Handing a crying person a tissue is a sign of respect, empathy, and compassion. Handing a person a tissue is a small way of letting them know that you are reaching out to them and that you care. If you do not hand a tissue to someone who is crying you may be perceived as distant and uncaring.
What an interesting debate, isn’t it? I fall somewhere in the middle – many times I will allow a person to be with their tears and I leave the tissue box in a prominent place that they can see if they need them. On occasion, depending on the circumstance, I may hand a child a tissue….. particularly if I have a teenage boy in my office and it is clear to me that he is mortified that he is crying.
Today, 247 days ’til 40, I am reminded that I must accept the emotions of others. Crying can be very healing and it is okay to cry – the person who is crying needs to be okay with the release of emotions and those that surround them must also be able to empathetically witness this emotional outpouring. It is so healing and freeing.