School’s out and kids across the country are being sent off to summer camp. For many children, camp can provide a fun opportunity to build friendships, establish independence, and engage in activities they enjoy. But for others, it can come with the emotional torment of bullying.
Ally Del Monte, 15, from Litchfield County, Connecticut, experienced this firsthand when she attended a sleep-away camp for a week several years ago. The girls in her cabin often excluded her and made mean remarks about her body shape. “They were all really tiny,” Ally remembers, “and when we would get changed they would stare and giggle at me because I wasn’t tiny. This one girl would always say, ‘Fat people shouldn’t be allowed to wear bathing suits,’ each and every time we went swimming.”
Ally told her counselor but she felt not enough was done to discipline the girl. She became self-conscious of her body, which she had never given thought to before, and felt isolated from her peers.
Experts say summer camp can be the ideal environment for this type of bullying to occur. “Camp is a time when kids actually have choices,” says Joel Haber, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in bullying prevention and a bullying consultant for the American Camp Association. "Whenever you have groups of kids getting together, part of the development of social dynamics can be bullying. There aren’t a lot of distractions at camp like there are at school for kids to do anything but develop these social relationships, so it's kind of ripe for it.”
Spotting Signs That Your Child is Being Bullied at Camp
If children attend a sleep-away camp like Ally, it can be impossible to know if they are being bullied until they return home. But if your kids are attending summer day camp or are able to speak with you while away, there are some telltale signs that they may be the victims of bullying.
“If your kids like camp and are excited to go then all of a sudden they stop wanting to go, that’s a clear sign that something socially isn’t developing in a way that they would like,” Haber says. “Social avoidance is one of the key signs of bullying.”
Other signs can include kids not wanting to partake in a particular activity they once enjoyed. Younger kids especially may fake illnesses to avoid going to camp, and older kids and teens may avoid the computer and social networking sites if they are being bullied, Haber says.
Develop a Plan of Action
Before heading off to camp, parents should address some key points with kids so they know what to do if they are bullied.
“It’s important to normalize conversations about bullying before camp begins,” Haber says. “Say things like, ‘hey, you’re going to have a great time, but there may be some not-so-nice things that happen like bullying.’ Then develop a plan of action with them if it happens.”
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What that plan is depends on the age and personality of the child, Haber says. “A six-year-old may have no problem standing up to a kid who's mean to him, other kids may laugh it off with humor, others are just too sensitive and may need to tell a counselor.”
Haber suggests letting older kids try working it out on their own by encouraging them to have conversations with those bullying them, using humor, or ignoring them. “If they can get it done on their own, they are going to feel much happier because they’re going to build confidence in themselves that they worked it out," he says. If that doesn’t work children should find a trusted adult and ask for help. If the bullying is severe or consistent, parents can step in to get the camp directors involved.
The most important thing for kids to know says Wendy Del Monte, Ally’s mother, is that they are not alone. “Make sure you know and your kids know who is in charge at camp and who to go to with a problem. And make sure they know how to reach you if they need you.”
Helping Children Recover From Camp Bullying
Even though camp lasts for a finite time and will end with the summer, bullying can have lasting effects. For Ally, the other girls’ cruel words haunted her long after camp was over. “It changed my entire personality,” she says. “I didn’t want to go out and do things because I thought people were going to make fun of me. I didn’t want to go swimming at all, and before that I had no problem wearing a bathing suit.”
The transition home was also difficult for Wendy, who felt guilty for having sent her daughter away to a camp where she was tormented. But she had countless conversations with Ally to assure her she should not be treated that way. “We have to teach children that it’s okay to stand up for themselves,” she says.
Ally experienced bullying at several other points in her life and at the age of 13 became so overwhelmed she tried to kill herself. She now writes a blog called losergurl.com to tell her story and hopes to inspire others in a similar situation. “I never want anyone to feel the way I felt,” she says. “I want to help people be able to stand up for themselves and be brave to stop bullying. Finally I’ve become strong enough to stand up for myself but others still need help, and I want to be a resource for them.”