Self-esteem is the cornerstone to many things in life. In children, it is a characteristic that is needed to help them grow socially, emotionally, and academically. A healthy level of self-esteem will not only help your child feel good about himself, but it will help him make positive choices in his life.
Children with low levels of self-esteem can suffer in many ways. They may have trouble making friends, completing tasks, succeeding in school, and trying new things. They may have difficulty adjusting to changes in their lives. In addition, children with low self-esteem have often been seen as at-risk for negative behaviors.
Dr. Donald Johnson, Professor of Psychology at Northwestern College believes there is a correlation in these cases. “I believe when kids have low self-esteem they will seek out ways to feel good about themselves. If you look at kids involved in gangs, crime, and other negative behaviors, it’s pretty safe to assume these are kids who don’t feel very good about themselves.”
So how can you help enrich your child’s self-esteem? “One way to do this is to get your child involved in activities, and to encourage their forming relationships with others,” says Dr. Robin Goodman, Clinical Psychologist at New York University Medical Center.
Goodman also recommends using praise with your children. “Praise that is vague is less useful to a child than praise that is specific. For example, instead of saying ‘that picture is beautiful,’ say ‘I like how you used different colors.'” Goodman adds that confidence should be based on something specific, not on the child trying to please their parents.
Valerie Eastman, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Drury College suggests providing opportunities for children to take responsibility for things with little or no interference from mom and dad. “If they do a good job, they will know it and feel proud of themselves,” she says. Eastman recommends choosing age- appropriate activities that your child can accomplish, and not to expect them to accomplish tasks beyond their capabilities.
Another means of increasing self-esteem is through what Wally Goddard calls “gifts.” Goddard, an Associate Professor in Family and Child Development at Auburn University, believes that every child has a special gift or talent that can be developed. “Help children notice what they love, enjoy, seek…as clues to knowing their gift.
Encourage children to use their gifts to help others.” Goddard believes this brings about intrinsic rewards while helping others at the same time. There are many ways in which you can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Here are some examples you can put into practice: Let your child know you love them. Tell them how special they are to you. Tell them they are wonderful, smart, and beautiful. Let them know they are valued through your many interactions with them.
There are many ways in which you can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Here are some examples you can put into practice:
Let your child know you love them. Tell them how special they are to you. Tell them they are wonderful, smart, and beautiful.Let them know they are valued through your many interactions with them.
Be affectionate. Give them hugs, kisses, and pats on the back. Hold them in your lap and cuddle them. Tuck them in bed at night. Affection offers reassurance to children.
Praise your child. Give them recognition for their efforts. Tell them you are proud of them. Offer an occasional special privilege for a job well done. Remember to have reasonable, age-appropriate expectations for your child.
Listen to your child. Take your child’s thoughts and feelings seriously. Show interest in what they have to say and how they feel about things. Validate their feelings. Keep the lines of communication open.
Define limits and reinforce them. Set up house rules, with input from your child. Come to an agreement on consequences if the rules are broken. Make the consequences logical and fair. Be consistent in enforcing them.
Encourage independence. Help your child feel confident that they can complete certain tasks on their own. Give them responsibilities and show your faith that they can handle them. Give them opportunities to make their own choices. Be a good role model. Children model the behavior that is around them.
Be a good role model by showing responsible behavior, good communication skills, and healthy lifestyle habits.
Spend time together. Quality time is one of the best things you can give your child. Find activities you can share and enjoy together, such as reading, bike riding, or baking.
Sports/Hobbies. Get your child involved in a sport, hobby or special activity. Whether it’s soccer, ballet, a scout troop, or playing an instrument, children can gain self- confidence through belonging to peer groups, learning new things, and finding things they are good at.
Accept your child as he is. Your child needs to know you love him for who he is. Learn to appreciate his uniqueness.
Helping children develop good self-esteem is one of the most important things a parent can do for their child. Good self- esteem will be the foundation on which your child builds the rest of his life. It will help him face the ups and downs with strength and optimism, and help him stay on the right track for a healthy lifestyle.
Books for Parents on Self-Esteem
1, Growing Up Great, by Dr. James W. Varni and Donna G. Corwin, The Berkley Publishing Group, 1993. 2, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, by Adele Aber and Elaine Mazlish, Avon Books, 1980.
3, Raising a Confident Child, by Joanne Oppenheim, Betty Boegehold, and Barbara Brenner, Random House, 1984.
4, The Optimistic Child, by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D., Houghton Mifflin, 1995.
5, The Self-Confident Child, by Jean Yoder, M.D. and William Proctor, Facts on File Publishers, 1988.
6, You and Your Child’s Self-Esteem, by James M. Harris, Carroll and Graf Publishing, Inc., 1989.
Laura Lee Benson M.Ed.