(For more information, or to speak to a Counselor, contact Linda Rutherford (M-F, 9AM-5PM) at 508-852-7600 x113 or our 24 hour hotline at 1-800-870-5905)
Sexual violence is any unwanted sexual contact. Sexual violence includes such crimes as rape, incest, statutory sexual assault, sexual harassment and sexual assault, or any sexual contact without consent. Anyone who has been a victim of a sexual assault needs compassion, sensitivity, and caring. This is where you can help.
Many people want to help friends and family members who have been hurt, but sometimes they don’t know what to say or do. Unless you have been victimized by sexual violence, you may not be able to understand a victim’s feelings. It is important to remember that not all victims react or feel the same.
You are likely to experience some strong reactions when you learn of a friend’s or loved one’s assault. Reactions or feelings of anger, rage, shock, revenge, desire to “fix it,” to move on, feelings of helplessness, or rationalization that “it wasn’t that bad” are common. You can provide important information and support. The fact that you care will make the biggest positive difference.
For victims to become survivors, they need empathy, understanding and perhaps a listening ear. Do not be judgmental and ask victims why they did a certain thing, wore a certain item of clothing or went to a certain place. Remember, no one deserves or asks to be raped.
- Remain calm. You might feel shock or rage, but expressing these emotions to the victim may cause the victim more trauma.
- Encourage medical attention. Care is important because there may be internal injuries that are not noticeable, or the victim may have been exposed to sexually transmitted diseases. Additionally, a forensic exam can help provide evidence should the victim decide to prosecute.
- Give the victim control. All control has been stripped from the victim during the assault. Allow the victim to make decisions about what steps to take next.
- Maintain confidentiality. Let the victim decide who will know about the assault.
- Let the victim express feelings. Listen without adding your opinions. If the victim wishes to remain silent, do not force a discussion. Say you will be there to listen always.
- Believe the victim. Make it clear to the victim that you believe the assault happened and that the assault is the fault of the abuser, NOT the victim.
- Encourage counseling. Give the victim the hotline number for the nearest sexual violence crisis center, but let the decision be the victim’s.
- Seek help for yourself. Don’t ignore your own feelings, even though you may not be able to share all of them with the victim right now. Your local crisis center can provide counseling for you if you need to talk.