The Five Worst Plant Names in the Universe
There are days when I ponder the deeper questions: Why is there evil in the world? Why is it that in our house 1-2 of my socks lose their mates in the laundry every single week (and I’m the one who does the laundry)?
That comes to an average of 78 socks a year – where do they all go?
Also, why are there so many plants, including some very nice plants, that have such awful names?
The scientists at Stanford University’s Institute for Post-Modern Botanical Studies (IPMBS) have been researching that last question. They have not yet gotten to the causes of awful plant names.
However, using the most advanced technology, they have been able to measure plant name awfulness. With their pioneering technique (patent pending), they have identified the five most awful plant names in the universe. So here they are, ranked in order of least to most awful.
(Trigger Warning: This blog post may be upsetting to younger or more sensitive readers.)
Lamprocapnos spectabilis. I have written about this before, but the name really bugs me – and, of course, the great minds at the IPMBS. What is generally called Bleeding Heart used to be Dicentra spectabilis. Now Dicentra is a nice name, it rolls off the tongue with elegance: Dicentra … But of course the taxonomists had to replace Dicentra with Lamprocapnos, which is clunky and clumsy and almost hurts your mouth when you say it.
Ilex vomitoria. Bad enough that Yaupon Holly got this name at all, what’s worse is that the name is actually a libel. Native Americans made a tea from the leaves and stems for a purification ceremony which included vomiting. Europeans incorrectly thought that Yaupon caused the vomiting. It didn’t. But for some reason the taxonomists don’t consider this to be sufficient reason to come up with a better name. Yaupon has abundant red berries and is common in parts of the Southern US.
Lobelia siphilitica. Great Blue Lobelia is a lovely perennial for moist soils. At one time it was thought (wrongly) to be a cure for syphilis. Now that we know, couldn’t they change the specific name to something more seemly and, you know, factual? The genus name honors the Flemish physician and botanist Matthias de l’Obel – but in this instance the honor seems rather hollow.
Amorphophallus titanus. This name means “giant misshapen penis”. Common names include Giant Titan Arum, which seems redundant, but whatever. You can actually buy them from Plant Delights Nursery, here’s a link. PDN warns that only “passionate and very serious plant NUTS” should buy this plant. What more is there to say?
And finally, the absolute worst plant name in the universe:
Hydrangea paniculata ‘Pinky Winky’. ‘Pinky Winky’? Couldn’t they have left this plant with even a shred of dignity?
Are there any other plant names that you would nominate for worst in the universe?