Having a child with a cleft lip and/or cleft palate can stir many emotions and feel overwhelming. At first, it may be hard to accept that years of gradual treatment and progress lie ahead.
Keep this in mind: The outlook is good. Advances are continually being made in the treatment of children with cleft lip and palate. Your child can reach adulthood with a good sense of self, an acceptable appearance and healthy social skills.
Your ability to deal with your feelings is very important for your child's health. Your child will look to you for hope and strength. Your reaction will also set an example for other family members.
Tips to Help You Prepare for Caring for Your Child:
Take Care of Yourself
As a parent, you are the most important person in your child's life, so you must stay healthy and strong. Maintain a healthy diet and try to exercise often. Take time to rest and relax each day. When you are relaxed, it is easier for your child to relax.
Ask for Help When You Need It
You can't do it all. Ask family members and friends to lend a hand when they can. If you feel scared or unsure about your feelings, ask to speak to one of our staff at Children's right away. We can help you feel confident about caring for your child.
Beware of Burnout
Sometimes you might not know when your “battery” needs to charge. Watch for these signs in your life:
- Constant fatigue
- Constant depression
- Desire to avoid others
- Family arguments
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
If you notice any of these signs, you may need to get some rest and/or ask for help.
Play With Your Baby
You and your baby can still enjoy the pleasures of cuddling, rocking, talking and playing. Babies (and parents) need these activities to develop bonds and satisfy their need for love, closeness and nurturing. Set aside time to enjoy your baby after feedings, baths and naps. Your smile, voice and touch are important to your child.
Set a Positive Example for Your Child
Children can sense the feelings of the adults around them. Your child will develop his feelings about his cleft lip and/or cleft palate from your feelings and actions. If you dwell on problems and act ashamed, so will your child. But if you treat your child as a whole person with many positive features, he will have more self-confidence.
Be Prepared for Teasing and Other Social Problems
Do not shelter your child from other children to protect him. The more time he spends with other children, the sooner your child will learn to handle social situations. There are three points in time when this may be extra hard:
- The first year in school, when a child goes outside the home and loses some “special” status
- The onset of puberty, when a child is very aware of his body's changing appearance and an increased need to fit in socially
- The later teens, when young people begin to desire more intimate relationships and to be seen as “special” by someone else
It may be helpful to role-play a teasing event at home to help a young child rehearse new ways to handle situations.
Use Your Craniofacial Team as a Resource
The Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Craniofacial team can help you prepare for and deal with many of the situations you will face. Our trained and dedicated team members are available to provide:
- A plan of care that is tailored for your child throughout the years
- Education and updates on your child's condition and treatment schedule
- Financial guidance
- Emotional counseling and support
Parent Support Group - our parent support group meets several times a year and offers an open forum to discuss challenges and concerns in helping your child with craniofacial differences.
The Children’s Craniofacial team is always available to you. You may speak with us during your visits or call us from home. Do not be afraid to ask for any type of help you need. We want to help as much as we can.
Communicate With Your Partner
The birth of a baby can cause stress for a couple. It is easy for your relationship to become strained while you are both focused on your child. Parents need to talk and offer support to each other as often as possible. If you remember to share your feelings and listen to those of your partner, you can be each other's most valuable resource.
Your child's care will affect every member of your family. At first, young siblings may be scared by the cleft lip and palate. Also, they may become jealous because they don't understand why you need to spend extra time with their new sibling. This is natural. Brothers and sisters need to be assured that they are also important to you. Remember to hold, comfort and love all your children - including your child with a cleft lip and/or cleft palate. Find time each day to spend with them.
As you learn about cleft lip and palate and your child's treatment plan, make sure that your other children learn, too. Give them plenty of chances to ask questions, and let them help as much as they can. Older siblings may be able to help by baby-sitting younger siblings. All children can help by doing small chores around the house.
Offer lots of praise when your children help you. Let them know that they are a valuable part of a team effort so they feel more important and independent. When you are confident about caring for your child, you may even include siblings in some care tasks.
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