There is a widespread myth in Western societies related to the idea of meritocracy. It is the belief in the self-taught man, someone who succeeds in life (mainly in economic terms), and who owes nothing to anyone, because everything that is born of his efforts and their decisions. It is a myth precisely because no one has what they have just because of their efforts.
We are a big part of who we are because, throughout our lives, other people have contributed to our chance of reaching adulthood, whether we realize it or not, and often help us all the way. life-long or largely.
However, in this collaborative network, there are those who decide to take much more than they give. They are interested people, Which submits their entire philosophy of social relations to a principle: what does it take away from it?
The 4 characteristics of interested people
If interested people are so harmful, that’s one of the reasons why it is not always easy to recognize them or to guess their intentions. So when they try to get something from others without giving anything back, this fact can be covered up in different ways that we will see later.
Also, while by virtue of repeating this kind of behavior over and over again, it is difficult to keep up with the deception, there are sometimes those who attain such a powerful power of seduction that we don’t even realize that they are taking advantage. from U.S. . Once you’ve entered a dynamic where vampirization becomes a habit, it’s hard to detect. If we spend time involved in this relationship, our perception becomes biased, distorted.
For all of the above, it is important to pay attention to the signs that indicate to us, in a more or less subtle way, when we are in front of one of the interested persons. ready to waste our time and effort. Below are the main characteristics of these. Keep in mind that they don’t have to give everything at once for someone to be seen as behaving in a self-interested manner, and just having one or more actions on this list completed doesn’t matter. not of that person “tagged” with for life: these are patterns of behavior that are learned and therefore can be unlearned.
1. Use victimhood
Something that is part of the normal behavior of those involved has to do with creating the mirage that everyone behaves unfairly towards them. So, anyone listening to this story assumes that it is reasonable to make sacrifices to make up for this situation of injustice, if only in part.
2. Take it for granted that we will help you
Saying no to a favor is something that costs money most of the time. Anyone who acts selflessly can easily exploit this fact: one only has to act on the assumption that the other is going to be sacrificed for them.
That way, to refuse to do something, you have to fight double the pressure: not only do you have to risk being left as a selfish person, but you also have to break the history that the other person is making to. through your path and talk, that it is normal to act as she expects by adapting to the goals she proposes.
In other words, we have to rephrase the situation, explain our point of view of the facts, which the other person didn’t have to do, because their message was implicit in their way of speaking.
3. They use ways of speaking that make you think of a symmetrical relationship
When you honestly ask for a favor, you are doing it in a way that makes it clear that you are doing exactly that: asking for a favor. However, a typical thing of one who has become accustomed to acting selflessly is to try to “cover up” this fact when in practice he is asking for a favor.
For example, when you are asked to “collaborate” instead of asking for help, as if both parties derive something so valuable and beneficial through an action in which one gives and the other receives what has been asked, one acts with little honesty. It is true that these are only linguistic formulas and that they alone do not cause significant damage, but set a precedent, on the one hand, and put the other person in a compromise, thus limiting their freedom to deny. .
4. They try to pass themselves off as extroverts
The easiest way to tell when someone is acting self-interested is to look at how they behaved when they didn’t have any favors to ask for. It is common among friends to ask for favors, but if there is a case where a request is made from someone less trusted, the honest thing is to go to gra, explain what you want. You can’t start a friendship in a few minutes right before you go ask something, it’s a hoax. And no, it’s not something that is simply attributable to extroversion and ease of socialization: the extrovert always is, not just when looking for something concrete that someone can do for them. give.