AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS SEP 2017
UNDERSTANDING AND FINDING SOLUTIONS TO HELP YOUR DIFFICULT CHILD
Some children are “easy.” They are predictable, calm, and approach MOST new experiences in a positive way. Other children are more difficult, not able to manage their emotional experiences and expression with ease. When a child’s personality doesn’t quite fit or match that of other family members, it can be a challenge for everyone. Of course, no child is one way all the time, but each has his own usual type.
The ease with which a child adjusts to his environment is strongly influenced by his adaptability and emotional style. For the most part, temperament is an innate quality of the child, one with which he is born. It is somewhat modified (particularly in the early years of life) by his experiences and interactions with other people, with his environment, and by his health.
By the time a child has reached the school years, his temperament is well defined and quite apparent to those who know him. It is not something that is likely to change much in the future. These innate characteristics have nothing to do with your own parenting skills. Nevertheless, the behavioral adjustment of a school-age child depends a lot upon the interaction between his temperament and yours, and how others respond to him—how comfortably he fits in with his environment and with the people around him.
Characteristics of Temperament
By being aware of some of the characteristics of temperament, you can better understand your child, appreciate his uniqueness, and deal with problems that may lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. There are several major characteristics that make up temperament:
Activity level: the level of physical activity, motion, restlessness, or fidgety behavior that a child demonstrates in daily activities (and which also may affect sleep).
Rhythmicity or regularity: the presence or absence of a regular pattern for basic physical functions such as appetite, sleep, and bowel habits.
Approach and withdrawal: the way a child initially responds to a new stimulus (rapid and bold or slow and hesitant), whether it be people, situations, places, foods, changes in routines, or other transitions.
Adaptability: the degree of ease or difficulty with which a child adjusts to change or a new situation and how well the youngster can modify his reaction.
Intensity: the energy level with which a child responds to a situation, whether positive or negative.
Mood: the mood, positive or negative, or degree of pleasantness or unfriendliness in a child’s words and behaviors.
Attention span: the ability to concentrate or stay with a task, with or without distraction.
Distractibility: the ease with which a child can be distracted from a task by environmental (usually visual or auditory) stimuli.
Sensory threshold: the amount of stimulation required for a child to respond. Some children respond to the slightest stimulation, and others require intense amounts.
The AFFECTS of Temperament
Every child has a different pattern of the temperament characteristics. The difficult or challenging child tends to react to the world negatively and intensely. As an infant, he may have been categorized as a fussy baby. As a young child, he may have been prone to temper tantrums or was hard to please. He may still occasionally be explosive, stubborn, and intense, and he may adapt poorly to new situations. Some children with difficult temperaments may have trouble adjusting at school, and their teachers may complain of problems in the classroom or on the playground. When children have difficult temperaments, they usually have more behavioral problems and cause more strain on the family.
It is important to distinguish a difficult temperament from other problems. For instance, recurrent or chronic illnesses or emotional and physical stresses, can cause behavioral difficulties that are really not a problem with temperament at all.
Dealing with Difficult
Here are some general strategies and solutions to help you live with a child with bothersome temperament traits:
- First, recognize that much of your child’s behavior reflects his temperament.
- Establish a neutral or objective emotional climate in which to deal with your child. Try not to respond in an emotional and instinctive manner, which is unproductive.
- Don’t take your child’s behavior personally. Temperament is innate, and your child probably is not purposely trying to be difficult or irritating. Don’t blame him or yourself.
- Try to prioritize the issues and problems surrounding your child. Some are more important and deserve greater attention. Others are not as relevant and can be either ignored or put “way down the list.”
- Focus on the immediate issue. Do not project into the future.
- Review your expectations of your child, your preferences, and your values. Are they realistic and appropriate? When your child does something right, praise him and reinforce the specific behaviors that you like.
- Consider your own temperament and behavior, and how they might also be difficult. Think how you might need to adjust yourself a bit to encourage a better fit with your child.
- Anticipate impending high-risk situations, and try to avoid or minimize them. Accept the possibility that this may be a difficult day or circumstance, and be prepared to make the best of it.
- Find a way to get some relief for yourself and your child by scheduling some time apart.
- Seek professional help, when needed, from your pediatrician or another expert in child behavior. #
Courtesy of the American Academy of Pediatrics, aap.org.