How To: Improve Your Social Skills
Improve your conversational skillsMost people think that being a good conversationalist has everything to do with speaking confidently on a wide variety of subjects. But before you waste your time studying the latest trends in reality television, remember that a conversation has two roles: a speaker and a listener. You don’t have to be a Renaissance man to be a great conversationalist; you actually don’t have to speak much at all.
Actively listen: Active listening is a skill. It means maintaining eye contact and nodding as you listen. It is important that you give a speaker signs that they are reaching you and that you are interested. This gives them confidence to keep talking. On the other hand, nodding your head and maintaining eye contact are not enough on their own; to show you are listening, acknowledge that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. This can be achieved through the simple repetition of the point they were making or by rephrasing it.
Respond to the speaker: If a person has engaged you in a conversation it is likely on a topic that they are interested in. Make sure you ask exploratory questions. Exploratory questions are not questions that yield a yes or no response — they are open-ended. Exploratory or open-ended questions, prompt someone to elaborate. For example, “Can you describe what it’s like?", “Tell me how you feel about..." or "What's your opinion on…?” are all questions that can’t be answered with a monosyllabic response and can yield further insight into a person, a topic or provide the necessary material to allow a natural progression to a new topic.
Finally, respond to the speaker. People want to know that you are capable of formulating your own thoughts and opinions. Responding with your own thoughts — after you’ve taken the time to understand the speaker’s perspective — can change you from a nodding, regurgitating yes-man into an independent thinker who is interested in what the other person has to say.
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