Do you find yourself criticizing yourself often? Well, a lot of humans have a negative bias against themselves. However, Kristin Neff, Ph.D., who’s been teaching others about self-compassion for decades, has some simple tips to overcome negative bias! Read on to see them all…
Learn To Be Mindful
The number one tip? Learn a little mindfulness! Mindfulness, an ancient idea of simply paying attention to what’s happening in the current moment, becoming fully aware of your inner dialogue.
You can start practicing mindfulness easily by saying how you are feeling and what you are doing in your inner voice. Use your actual name, saying something like: “Tommy feels quite upset with himself for not getting enough sleep.” Instead of instantly blaming yourself for negative emotions, use mindfulness to look deeper into the motivations behind your feelings. And be sure to notice positive emotions as well! Finally, to end your mindfulness session, remind yourself that you’re doing the best your can.
Most people have no issue being kind to others. However, few practice kindness towards themselves, aka self-compassion. But doing so reveals a profound truth of real-life: our primary relationship, throughout all life, is with ourselves. Thankfully, practicing kindness towards yourself only makes it easier and easier!
One of the best ways to practice self-kindness is a practice called “Note to a Dear Friend.” When you’re facing a very challenging hardship, write a letter to yourself, as though you were writing to a dear friend with the same problem. Write down everything you would share to comfort a friend. Then, read it to yourself.
Realize Others Have Similar Hardships
Sadly, for many, their natural response to their suffering is to hide it from family and friends, privately shouldering the burned. However, it’s important to remember that everyone suffers sometimes. And realizing that suffering is a common human trait will help you overcome your negative feelings. First, this realization will make us less lonely in our suffering.
Secondly, and more importantly, realizing that all humans suffer at some point, it makes it far easier to open up to others. Remember: you do not have to pretend that everything is going great when it’s not! And friends and family are supposed to be there for us during the hard times – just like you are for them! Meanwhile, being open and honest about your feelings will help you grow even closer to those close to you.
Don’t Stop Practicing
No questions asked: self-compassion is a skill that you need to practice. However, like all skills, it’s one that only gets better and better the more you practice. But you need to start with small steps and keep trying, day after day. Don’t forget to remain patient and celebrate every single win, no matter how small. Every time you recognize the benefits of self-kindness, it will make practicing easier and easier. As you progress, you’ll soon learn that self-compassion is an incredibly fulfilling path to walk on, unlocking your full potential.
If you walk away with only one tip: just imagine looking at yourself in the morning mirror and try and feel the same love that you do your partner, family, friends, or even a pet.