Yes and no, says Kathy Kater, a clinical social worker and author of Healthy Bodies: Teaching Kids What They Need to Know.
Kater says that children living in societies where there is less of a focus on thinness typically wouldn't express these concerns. But from a cultural perspective, the behavior isn't unusual. As Kater explains, children absorb and reflect the society they're raised in, and our society is teeming with messages that our bodies aren't thin enough.
Though hearing your child call herself fat can be shocking and upsetting, it's possible that she doesn't truly understand what she's saying. She may be mimicking what she sees and hears on TV in the same way that she might grab a purse and announce that she's off to "work."
Still, it's important to take her statement seriously – especially because it's an opportunity to help your child develop a healthier view of her body. Kater suggests responding with reassurance and gentle questioning.
Ask your child where she got the idea that she's fat. For example, did she pick it up from her friends at preschool or dance class? She may not be able to tell you exactly, but it's worth a try and can lead to a good discussion.
Here's how you can talk to your child about weight:
- Explain that fat is a normal part of the human body, just like bones and skin, and that we need fat on our bodies in order to survive.
- Teach acceptance about body diversity. Mention that people are all different sizes and shapes – stocky, lanky, short, tall, wide, and narrow – and that people are beautiful no matter what their size.
- Shift the focus from weight to health by pointing out all the things a healthy body can do, such as run and jump.
- Be aware of what you say around your child. Think about your own body image issues and biases: Do you talk about needing to go on a diet or complain that you look terrible in those jeans? Your child wants to emulate you, so if she hears you criticizing yourself (or others), she may do the exact same thing.