The first step in being able to use strategies to calm down when you are angry is to know that you are angry in the first place! We can learn this by practising recognising what angry looks like, what does an angry face look like? What sort of body language tells us that someone is angry? Then we can learn what angry feels like in our own bodies ... What sensations can you feel when you start to get angry? Does your tummy get 'bubbly' or do you get strong arms and legs? Once we are able to recognise what angry looks and feels like we can then learn strategies to help cope with anger in a productive way. It is really important to make sure children know that it is normal and ok to feel angry, it is the way we behave when we are angry that is the thing we sometimes need to change.
Build a toolbox of strategies to self-calm
It is a really good idea to talk about ways in which we can calm ourselves down when we get angry. This then builds up a tool box of strategies that can be practiced when we do get angry. They can be all sorts of things as long as they follows the anger rules of
1. Don't hurt yourself
2. Don't hurt anyone else
3. Don't hurt property
Some things that you could do to calm down are:
- Take some deep breaths or blow some bubbles
- Count from 1-10 and then 10-1
- Find a trusted person to talk to about what is making you angry
- Think of a peaceful or happy place
- Self talk - Tell yourself "Be calm" or "I can handle this"
- Tense and relax your muscles all the way from your head to your toes, squeeze each muscle in turn.
- Feel your pulse
- Exercise really fast to get the angry energy out
- Lay down and relax
- Read a book
- Listen to music
The list is endless and different things work for different people. It takes practice to put a calming strategy in place when you feel angry, so keep trying until you find one that works!