You may think you know your child inside and out, but once he goes to school, he may become a completely different person around his teacher and friends. If your child’s teacher informs you that he is misbehaving in class, don’t be shocked, get defensive or immediately dismiss the claim. When you work cooperatively with your child and his teacher, you can usually rectify this issue and turn it into a learning lesson.
If your child’s teacher is making claims of misbehavior, you need to open the doors to parent-teacher communication and gather further information. Ask the teacher to give details and specifics. Take a look at any relevant information pertaining to this issue, such as incident reports or documents. Find out exactly what he is doing and how frequently does the issue come up. Explore what his behavior triggers may be; is he sitting next to a child he doesn’t get along with, is he trying to get attention or does he act up only at certain times of the day? Provide any insight that you have to his current state of mind, such as lack of sleep, divorce, a move or death of a pet. Even if you don't entirely agree with the teacher's viewpoint, the two of you need to work together to help resolve things.
Create a Strategy
After gathering information and discussing the problem with your child’s teacher, create a strategy on how to approach the issue. You and the teacher can choose two or three specific items for your child to work on. Involve your child at this point, if you can. For instance, if your child is being disruptive and talking loudly during class, you can choose goals such as "Patrick will raise his hand when he wants to talk, will wait his turn when another person is speaking and will use an indoor voice when he’s in the classroom."
Discuss with Your Child
Since your child is the focus of this and is ultimately the one who's in charge of making a change, you need to talk to your child after the teacher meeting. Get his side of the story. Position yourself at his eye level and use a calm tone of voice. Keep an open mind as he discusses the issue. Establish some rules at home, clearly define your expectations and talk about how he is going to rectify this school issue. You can offer rewards for improvement and positive behavior choices, as well as consequences for continued misbehavior or breaking the rules. The rewards can be a sticker for a sticker chart for young kids or points toward a prize for older kids. Always offer praise and words of encouragement as he works on his classroom behavior. Try to stay neutral and not take sides between your child and his teacher. Set a good example on how to approach disagreements and different points of view.
Don’t let this issue fizzle -- follow up. After your initial meeting, contact the teacher a week or two later. This can be via email, phone or in person. Ask her how he is doing and if his behavior is improving. If things are getting better, keep working with your child. When your strategy has not changed the behavior, you will want to schedule another meeting to discuss alternative approaches. You can also ask her to send home weekly reports to stay up to date. Also check in with your child regularly to see how he's doing. Ask him open-ended questions daily about school, friends and his homework.
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