Why Teaching Kids To Say ‘No’ Is The Best Lesson They Can Learn
As a kid, how many times were you asked to “give uncle and aunty a kiss”? Probably too many times to count. Quite a lot of the time, we didn’t want to give anyone a kiss, let alone some strangers we just met a couple of minutes ago.
I’ve seen children struggling and resisting being asked to kiss random people, just to have their parents reprimand them for it. But this could actually be damaging your child’s understanding of boundaries. You’re teaching them that saying no doesn’t really mean no. It actually means yes.
Where else have you heard about no not being no? Usually, in cases of rape and sexual assault where a rapist says things like, “I thought she wanted it because she was acting coy and playing hard-to-get.” Playing hard-to-get is usually a euphemism for a woman who has rebuffed a man’s advances only to have him chase her with even more intensity because he believes that she is just “playing” with him.
Draw boundaries and enforce them
If a child is feeling uncomfortable, there is usually a reason for it. It could be because they have anxiety around strangers, they don’t like being taken away from their mother’s arms, or they are just throwing a tantrum. All of these reasons are valid enough to not make your child even more uncomfortable.
Why give your child anxiety over other people? If they don’t want to kiss aunty and uncle, they have every right to say no. Children are not toys. They deserve to have some say in what they do in their day-to-day lives.
Many times, children don’t tell their parents about being sexually assaulted or molested because they fear being scolded for it themselves. Just like you scold them when they refuse to kiss a random uncle and aunty.
This is why it is so important to let your children know that it is okay to say no. And that their right to say it will be respected. No matter what. Let your children set boundaries for themselves and you should respect them. If you feel they are missing something in the boundaries department, you can set one for them, teach them about it, and then make sure it is enforced.
Childhood is the most important phase of a person’s life. Teach your kids things that matter. And the ability to say no should be right up there along with being kind, hardworking, and all the other positive qualities.
Image Credit: Taare Zamee Par/Amir Khan Productions
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