Kids have so many emotions they are learning to navigate for the first time. Showing empathy is another component of good parenting. Sometimes it is challenge because they don’t always handle their emotions in ways that are appropriate or productive, and learning self control is another thing they must learn. It’s hard, as parents, to find the balance. In our home, we are sensitive to try and determine the time for empathy and the time for teaching self-control. Our children can tend to be a tad dramatic and can quickly move to whining and crying because they want their way. I don’t have a load of empathy during those times, and often do the trick we have adopted to stop the whining and crying in kids. However, when the kids are under enough control, we take the time to identify their emotions and relate to their feelings through empathy.
Empathy is an extremely important skill for your kids to develop. John Medina, author of “Brain Rules for Baby,” says it is one of the top two predictors of social competency. Being socially competent helps kids develop relationships. Medina says relationships are one of the leading contributors to happiness.
How do we help our children develop skills like empathy? Like anything else, we model it. It is very important for you to be able to demonstrate how to have empathy with your kids. Now, I am not into coddling kids. I want them to be “strong and brave” at the appropriate times. I want them to develop a backbone. That said, I also want to show empathy. I want to be able to cry with them, laugh with them and let them know my heart breaks with them at some things.
As they are expressing themselves, listen. Then, describe back the emotion you think you see in them. Next, try and verbalize where this emotion may stem from. With younger kids, this can be hard because they may not understand the roots of their emotions. Their challenge of dealing properly with emotions often result in tears, whining, shyness or physical outbursts. If you can get down to the root of the emotion and label it, kids can often cope with it better.
Just because you recognize and understand a child’s behavior doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. It simply is acknowledging and trying to understand and label the emotions they experience. To create empathy in kids, I also encourage you to try and help your kids feel empathy toward others. I discussed that more in my post titled, “How would you feel?” This is an attempt to help your kids try to look at situations from another person’s perspective.