It’s so easy to walk into a room, to ask someone how they are doing, and hear the quick “Fine” response and then move on.
There are secretly so many people who are emotionally hurt, silently in pain, and relationally struggling. OR, They may have just experienced a difficult conversation, trying situation, and/or confrontation that has taken their internal focus.
When I was raised, I was taught early on that when someone speaks to you, look them straight in the eyes. Some cultures see this as an insult. However, in the States we have become proficient at looking down: looking down at our phones, looking down at our computer, looking down and avoiding eye contact.
In a society that uses apps, email, text, and computers for social interaction, we are probably one of the most socially isolated societies. This is not a slam on social media. This is our issue. Social media is a great way to stay connected to people that we do not see very often or to see what good things are happening in people’s lives.
Here is the caution: remember, social media is usually the highlight reel in people’s lives. it has become even easier to hide what we are truly feeling inside. Let’s not spend too much time talking about what is wrong with us.
Here are a couple of encouragements and practical steps we can take to enrich our relationships and bring light or speak life into others’ lives. The great thing about these is you will feel even better when you do them and possibly surprised at the response.
- Stop and ask someone around you (co-worker, friend, family member) and ask them how they are doing.
- Look them straight in the eye and focus intently on their response.
- When they answer, watch their eyes and their facial expressions.
- If you sense any hesitation or emotion other than what they are saying in return, let them know you sense that things may not be okay.
- Don’t spook them out!
- If they respond and open up about how they are truly feeling, listen intently and offer encouragement.
- If they say they are fine, but you still sense there is hesitation, let them know you are thinking about them and praying for them,
- If they let you know things are going very well, ask them what the best thing happening for them is and celebrate with them!
- Be prepared to respond to them if they ask you the same questions.
- After you are done talking with them, jot down or take a note on your phone a reminder to pray for them.
These exchanges will become easier and easier the more you put them into practice and it will also become easier to spot in others what is known as their “countenance” and whether it is bright and light or tentative and down.
This is such a valuable skill to learn as you will begin to become more aware of others, attentive to their needs, and in the process, you will find your own fulfillment.
For more on relationships, you can get my book on relationships called The Lost Art of Relationship. You can get it in paperback, eBook and AUDIBLE!