Young people are delaying adulthood in all aspects of life: education, moving out, marriage, kids, and career.
According to the Clark University Poll of Emerging Adults, many 18-29-year-olds feel as if they are in a stage of life that is "in-between." 45-percent responded to the question, "Do you feel that you have reached adulthood" with "in some ways yes, in some ways no." The Clark Poll also found that among 19-21-year –olds, 47-percent still live with parents, while only 7-percent live with a husband or wife. According to Pew research, in 1960, 72-percent of all adults ages 18 and older were married; today just 51-percent are. Similar trends occur for parenthood as well.
Delayed parenthood and marriage allow for this new life stage, that research professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University Jeffery Jensen Arnett coined, "emerging adulthood." But, there is a lot of negative talk when it comes to this time. Stereotypes about millennials are everywhere. They are lazy or selfish and just can't seem to get it together. Arnett argues that these negative stereotypes are not true. In his book, Getting to 30, he says, "They're not lazy, they're mostly working at crummy jobs for low pay or combining work and school; they're not selfish, they're remarkably generous and tolerant." Arnett argues that this delayed adulthood is actually a good thing for young people.
Former freshman dean at Stanford and author Julie Lythcott-Haims cautions against thinking of young adults as children just because they aren't getting married or having kids yet. She stresses young adults need to be independent, learn resilience from setbacks, and that parents need to step back and allow that to happen. Parents, of course, have concerns that their child will not find a good job or a happy relationship or settle down.
What does this mean for my young adult?
This time is new and different for both you and your kid. These formative years give young adults a chance to have experiences that they could not have earlier in life and will not be able to later in life when they have more responsibilities. In some ways, your young adult has an opportunity to learn how to make good choices in love and work and build resilience. This doesn't have to mean your young adult is lazy or putting off adulthood. In fact, Parent Toolkit youth advisor Emma, who graduates high school in 2017, says she wants to dispel the myth that young people are lazy. "If we're seeming lazy, it's because we're generally exhausted and our lives demand a lot of us," Emma says. "That's not respected as much as it should be." Another student advisor, Shreyas, a high school junior, agrees. "Call me optimistic or hopeful, but because we're connected to the world around us, it puts us in a position to do things that we wouldn't have been able to do 5 or 10 years ago," Shreyas says.
Education consultant Jennifer Miller says this is a big exploration and identity-forming time for young adults because they are away from their family for the first time. As a parent, try to understand that this time of life is not the same as when you were this age. You and your "emerging adult" can see this new life stage as an opportunity to grow their responsible decision-making skills and explore what type of life they ultimately hope to lead.
However, this does not mean your young adult can or should forgo responsibility. Lythcott-Haims says that there is a gap between what "they're supposed to know and what they do" for some young adults. She emphasizes that problems arise when young adults delay adult responsibilities like problem solving and decision-making. Just because your young adult is delaying having kids or getting married does not mean they have a free pass on professional and personal accountability.