- Guilt -
The fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation or wrong especially against moral or penal law ; A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, whether real or imagined.
I have to stop feeling guilty for things that are out of my control. Like for example, the fact that I have such few contact hours in university makes me feel guilty that I am not making the full use of my time and not studying as hard as other people are. But why feel guilty when this is not something I can control? I was only given these few contact hours and even more so, why make the comparison to other people? What good is it to compare how much one is studying to another when it literally makes no difference in terms of how much I actually have to study? I feel like guilty is definitely the wrong word to use in this context because no I have not committed a crime or a wrong. So note to self: Stop feeling guilty.
- Grateful -
Feeling or showing an appreciation for something done or received.
I've definitely been feeling more grateful for my life thus far after I coming to university but I must admit that the feeling and the reminder that I am grateful for my life comes in waves and it's something I want to be able to remember to feel all the time. I have mentioned in a previous post that Veganism and University were somehow the perfect combination in opening my eyes to all the injustice and inequality in this world and reminding me that where I am today is a privilege not to be taken for granted. However, the kind of gratefulness I have been feeling or rather reminding myself to feel lately, is merely about the existence of my physical body. I have a body that allows me to move, to breathe, to survive. To run, to climb, to go to any place in the world not being restricted by any physical disabilities. I think the reason why I have been feeling this way is because I have been going to the gym more lately and as I'm running, a way to keep me going sometimes is just a timely reminder that I am able to run and my heart is pumping oxygen through my whole system to allow me to test my limits; my knees and my legs are strong to keep me going to run faster and longer - and this is not something everyone is capable of doing. It is my life's goal to have optimum health and fitness even when I'm 80 so that I can still experience life to its fullest then.
- Confidence -
Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; assurance
I think it's safe to say that too many people, including myself, lack confidence in the way they look. Even though I tell myself not to compare myself to others (which I have improved on because I have finally accepted that you will really never be able to look exactly like someone else because we are all made up differently and our bodies work in entirely different ways), I still can compare myself to how I looked before, or how much thinner I was when I was younger or just have physical expectations to have slimmer this and more toned that. Sometimes I feel like it will never it. This lack of body confidence will never end because it's a never ending goal isn't it? You can always get fitter, you can always be more toned etc. I may have found a solution to this - To strive for a feeling rather than for something physical. I want to feel healthy, I want to feel strong, I want to feel good on the inside. Perhaps that would help. Besides body confidence, I want to also feel confident about my decisions and opinions. On numerous occasions, in an attempt to please the people around me, or think that I am actually trying to please people around me, I shut down my own opinions just to make sure that I don't offend anyone; I don't challenge what they say so that we don't have to disagree; or I just chose to keep quiet because I don't want to situation to become unhappy (even though it really wouldn't have if I'd just said what I wanted to say). I worry too much for my own good and it's definitely something I am going to work on.
I hope looking back at this one day, I can say that I have fulfilled my ambition to want to improve on these 3 things. Life is really too short to be spent worrying about the what ifs and the I should haves and to be full of regret about the things we could have done to improve the time we have on this beautiful planet Earth.