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As a shy child's parent, the way you react to her shyness will have a profound effect on the way she will see herself and her confidence in social settings. Most parents of shy children express a frustration at their child's inability to engage with her peers, and a concern that she'll be left out of things if she can't overcome her shyness.
With sensitive parenting and a lot of gentle guidance, you can work with your child on building strategies to build her confidence which should help her to blossom socially.
- Avoid using labels. It won't help your child to overcome her shyness if you continually tell her and others that she's 'shy'.
- Don't be critical or impatient when your child is experiencing shyness. She needs your support and understanding instead.
- If your child is spoken to and doesn't respond, don't do her talking for her or apologise for her silence - this will just focus everyone's attention on her shyness
- At an appropriate time, talk to her about her shyness - try to discover what she's feeling and when, and with this information you may be able to work together to make social situations easier
- Try to involve her in activities and sports that she enjoys - that way, she'll meet other children with similar interests and be able to keep the focus off herself and on the activity
- Tell her a story about a time in your own life when you felt shy - and how you got past it. Children love to hear stories about their parent's lives, and this may reassure her that she isn't the only one suffering from shyness
- Lead by example. If you have a natural tendency towards shyness yourself, try to model confident, outgoing behaviour for your child
- Help her to practice her social skills, particularly if she has an upcoming event - a dance, or a birthday party - that is making her anxious. When social skills don't come naturally, she needs practice. Give her some tips on how to say hello to friends when she arrives (this is often the greatest source of anxiety) and some conversation starters
- Make sure that she fits in with her friends. Most shy children just want to blend in with their peers, so dress her in clothes that won't draw attention to her
- If she's having trouble making friends, perhaps enrol the help of a teacher. Having one good friend will build her confidence and will make it easier for her to interact with others.
- Try setting some small, attainable goals with your child - and then slowly build on them as she becomes more comfortable in social settings
- Give her lots of opportunities to socialise - initially she may need lots of patient support and encouragement from you, but over time she'll grow in confidence and need you less and less
If your child's shyness, despite all your and her efforts, is particularly incapacitating, you may need the help of a counsellor or psychologist to help her find ways to overcome it.