The Four Basic Styles of Parenting
We imprint so much onto our developing young children. Your style of parenting can determine much about your child’s future. The four basic styles of parenting are Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved/Neglectful. While each child in a family may need different styles of parenting and each child needs parenting styles to flex as they grow, most parents have a tough time changing their style and being consistent with matching their child’s changing needs.
One of the key points of the musical “The Sound of Music” is the differing parenting styles of Captain von Trapp, and the governess he hires to look after his children in his absence, Maria Rainer. In the film version of the musical, the Captain is an Authoritarian who uses a whistle to bring the children to order, forces the children to line up in military formation, and offers little affection to them. Maria upsets his style when she accepts their hazing gracefully to avoid seeing them disciplined and they begin to trust her as an Authoritative presence. They see her as both protector and warder. She takes it further by listening to them and supporting their individual learning needs. Because she leads as much as sets boundaries, they understand their footing with her as they develop into the next phase of their lives.
When the Captain returns, he finds his carefully-laid and disciplined upbringing disrupted, and has to employ the whistle and a sharp tone to bring the kids in line with his ideas. While the order gives him comfort, it harms the children who have lost their mother and need a gentle loving presence. The father is both Authoritarian and emotionally Neglectful. Out of view of the children, he fires the governess. Only through the miracle of a shared song with his children does he see the connection he has lost in holding back his affection and demanding perfect behavior from imperfect, growing humans.
What is Mindful Parenting?
It’s not surprising that you may not have heard the term “Mindful Parenting” before this blog. Mindful Parenting is a product of MindfulMamaMentor.com, a parenting website and resource that I have found very helpful in both my professional work and in my personal life.
The expression Mindful Parenting is about self-awareness as a parent. Parents sometimes let their reactions get the better of them, without taking into consideration the long-term effects what they say and do can have on children. Mindful Parenting is being firm without being aggressive. It’s setting boundaries without a threat of violence or denial of love/affection if a child messes up. But more than that, it’s approaching your child as a competent, capable person who can respond to your lead without fear of punishment.
For instance: it’s faster to shout to get the attention of a misbehaving child. A burst of a warning or a smack on the rear can quickly disrupt a tantrum, but it’s also a violent moment from someone they trust and depend upon. It disrupts more than their behavior, it also disrupts the trust they have in the love of their parents. Truly, yelling and even a benign pop to the rear is harmful.
Why is Mindful Parenting important?
Uncompassionate discipline can give a child a bad message about size and stature being the deciding factor of who leads — i.e., might makes right. Mindful Parenting sets important balances between a child and their parent. It assures that they are loved, even when they get it wrong; they learn a lesson that they can try again and, with support and patience, get it right, rather than feel desperate to get it right on the first try.
Children raised this way are taught leadership instead of tyranny, and they follow the lead to become leaders themselves, instead of shrinking under their fears. It escapes the kind of transactional love. They learn that they are loved endlessly and encouraged to do their best, instead of demanding a satisfactory or great performance to receive love from their parents.
Children who are raised under Mindful Parenting are more likely to become critical thinkers, because they are allowed to work things out instead of being told to follow the path their parents guide them. They become active partners in their education instead of passive receivers of information and facts.
Creekside Kids believes in a Mindful Parenting approach
Creekside uses Mindful Parenting in our teaching approach. Our co-learners foster self-esteem in children and work to be allies in rounded development that works at the pace of the child — not at the whistle of the parent or authority figure.
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