Throughout the latter half of the 20th century the Western World experienced an enormous shift in the perception of women’s roles in society. While the seeds of thought for these changes were planted during the suffrage era, they literally exploded as the baby boom generation entered adulthood. The challenges women faced in their new world of work outside the home came from centuries of conditioning both men and women as to how they should behave and what was expected of them.
The resulting turmoil gave rise to a plethora of self-help books intended to educate the genders on how to relate to each other as equals. One of the most widely read books of that time was Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D. This book paved the way for improved communication through understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite sex. The book generated enormous conversation and ultimately succeeded in improving the way men and women related to each other, though there were many from older generations who chose to remain unaffected by its revelations and suggestions.
Another type of self-help book emerged as well. This type was aimed at teaching women how to survive in the world of work. They came with titles like “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office,” “Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman”, and “How To Succeed in Business Without a Penis.” These books all directed attention to the differences between men and women. Sometimes they paved the way for understanding and constructive change. Sometimes they told women how to behave more like men. Ultimately, these books succeeded in developing a more individualistic nature in women who were more naturally inclined to be cooperative. This dubious success led to internal conflict for women who wanted to care for their families but felt pressured to perform and compete in the workplace.
In 1984, Susan Price, M.S.W. wrote the book The Female Ego. Price chose to advise women on how to find fulfillment by adjusting to lovers, family and career situations, without suppressing the female ego. She contributed a wealth of useful information but the title of the book and the clinical nature of the text left it sitting largely unnoticed by the general public.
For women, Price says positive strokes would come through affection, intimacy, personal compliments, and the words I love you. They also appreciate touch, hugging and hand holding. Women like recognition for effort, even if the results don’t turn out as expected, for being playful and fun, for talent or intelligence, and best of all for competency.
The male ego is developed differently. It is affected by status as heir and name bearer in the family, with boys getting more family attention. Expectations in a boy’s life are greater. He learns aggression through sports, gets strokes for things he does, gets different chores than girls, and his ego naturally assumes a superior position.
Self-help books written to improve lives may have had the opposite effect. Only 48% of households in the U.S. are married couples in 2011. This is down from 78% in the 1950s. There is a message here if we could only be sure what it is. It could be that with women in the workforce, we’ve developed an economic dynamic that makes marriage unnecessary or even obsolete. This would seem plausible if humans were simply ego driven, but that’s not the case. The study of male vs. female ego is certainly interesting and even entertaining but it is also a very shallow view of who we humans really are.
As workplaces reeled from the influx of women all kinds of new laws were being written to encourage right behavior. Laws governing sexual harassment, pay equality, gender discrimination and family leave were implemented. Business once dominated by the male ego was now faced with its counter force, the female ego and the transition was anything but smooth.
Then, in 1989, a book was published that marked the beginning of a major shift in how business would be practiced for decades to come. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, a groundbreaking shift was made moving business from the old male dominated authoritarian model to a model based on personal integrity. The business community was ready for change and Covey’s book took their world by storm.
The habits he identified were the development of a personal vision, leadership, and management plan; be proactive, begin with the end in mind, and put first things first. He encouraged interdependence; think win/win, seek first to understand, then to be understood, and synergize (creative cooperation). And finally, Covey identified the need for a program of balanced self-renewal he called Inside-Out Again.
While not overtly spiritual, Covey’s ideas challenged the ego driven authoritarian model that had governed business from the beginning of time. He also showed that it made no difference whether one was male or female. What mattered was that one operated from a point of integrity.