An Understanding of Cyberbullying
Our world of high technology, where all our needs are met, has many positive attributes. However, when it comes to cyberbullying, technology has made it possible to give this form of abuse an arena all of its own.
Unlike more traditional forms of bullying, cyberbullying doesn’t require strength in numbers, physical power or face-to-face contact. This form of bullying takes place online and has many forums, such as: blogs, e-mails, chat-lines and social networking sites.
Victims of cyberbullying soon discover that there is no respite, as messages can be sent and received via mobiles, in secret or through anonymous apps. Hiding behind various guises, the perpetrators feed on a cocktail of hurt, stress, isolation, humiliation and fear. As a result, the victim may suffer extreme levels of anxiety which can lead to depression, self-harm and suicidal behaviours.
The fact that the abuse is anonymous lowers inhibitions, giving the perpetrators the power to behave in such a cruel way. Victims of cyberbullying who are children will suffer its detrimental effects into adulthood, and as a result may never reach their full potential.
Reasons for Cyberbullying
Cyberbullies do not fit the mould of the traditional bully, who is usually domineering, aggressive and disliked. Very often the cyberbully can be a work colleague, classmate or friend who may bully for the following reasons:
- Power – Is a form of control and the bully will show their victim how much power they have by making hurtful comments in the knowledge that there is nothing the victim can do. This is a way to boost their ego and feel superior at the expense and suffering of someone else.
- Revenge – There are a number of reasons why people take revenge on others. In some cases the bully may have been criticised and instead of dealing with the criticism in a healthy manner, it causes the bully to become vengeful and very often will encourage others online to do the same.
- Frustration – Cyberbullying is the perfect platform to take out frustrations and anger on those people the bully sees as an easy target.
- Anonymity – Hiding behind a fake persona gives the bully a sense of importance as they feel they cannot get caught. The bullying will intensify as this feeling of anonymity increases the bully’s confidence, taking their barrage of insults to new heights.
It is important to understand that when someone bullies, they want to elicit a response which will give them the attention they crave. Even if the attention is negative, it does not matter as any type of attention will make them feel powerful.
Victims of bullying spare themselves distress by detachment; denying their ability to experience happiness.— James Horace
Types of Cyberbullying
The various types of cyberbullying can be defined as:
Taking the form of a barrage of insults, this type of cyberbullying is aimed at an individual in order to provoke anger. The attacks are often of a personal nature and even though trolling may not always be a form of cyberbullying, it is often used as a tool to cyberbully.
Similar to trolling, however, the attack on the victim is usually more direct and extremely insulting with the use of profanity. Taking the form of online posts, the bully’s agenda is to incite the victim into online vicious arguments.
Insidious and deceptive, trickery is where the bully befriends their victim, usually someone who is shy and introverted. After lulling them into a false sense of security and gaining the victim’s trust, the bully will then abuse that trust by sharing the victim’s private information or secrets to multiple people online.
Dissing refers to the bully spreading untrue and cruel information about the victim to ruin their relationships or their reputation. Particularly devastating to the victim as the bully tends to be someone they thought of as a friend.
Often premeditated, masquerading occurs when the bully creates an online identity with the sole intention of cyberbullying. Taking the form of fake email accounts or social media profiles, the bully randomly selects new identities and photos to fool the victim. Psychologically damaging, masquerading is particularly heinous.
That feeling of being ‘left out’ is all too apparent in this form of cyberbullying. Usually existing within the workplace or school, the victim is often excluded from events or school activities in the playground. This form of cyberbullying can also be used online to bully a victim by leaving them out of message threads or conversations that involve friends.
Negative Feelings Associated with Cyberbullying
Bullying, regardless of its type, causes psychological and emotional distress. However, victims of cyberbullying, particularly children, will experience various unique consequences and negative feelings such as:
Feeling Hopeless/Disinterested in Life
There is a relentless intensity associated with cyberbullying which causes the victim to relate to the world around them in a different way. These victims often feel powerless and hopeless, losing interest in those activities they once enjoyed. They become withdrawn and very often isolate themselves from family and friends. In many cases anxiety turns into depression and suicidal thoughts set in. Sadly some victims feel that the only way to stop the torture is to end their lives.
Dissatisfied with Themselves
Victims of cyberbullying start to doubt their self-worth as in most cases the bully will attack their victim where they are most vulnerable. If a victim is targeted because of their weight, they may crash diet in the hope the bullying will stop. Many victims deal with these feelings of inadequacy by self-harming.
Angry and Vengeful
After a period of time the victim may have intense feelings of anger which can result in retaliation. Unfortunately, this approach will not work as it keeps the victim locked up in the cycle of bully-victim. This is a particularly complicated type of bullying as the victim may start to bully others because they too have been bullied. In order to break this cycle it is critical that interventions to match the needs of the victim are put in place, such as:
- Improve Social Skills – Usually bully/victims have difficulty with social interaction and problem solving skills. It is important to identify the areas where the child is struggling and help them to explore different options for dealing with difficult situations.
- Control Emotions – Bully/victims struggle to manage and control their emotions, resulting in responses which are aggressive to normal conflicts. Their reactions to teasing and name-calling are also heightened. A behavioural therapist will teach the child coping skills in how to manage their emotions and will involve the child’s family to support and maintain the skills put in place. Very often, early intervention is the key to a successful outcome.
- Empathy – In order to overcome bullying and to heal, it is important to understand that being bullied does not excuse or is a reason to bully others. With the help of therapy and ongoing support from family, the child will learn how to be empathetic. The ability to understand how the other person feels will show the child that bullying is a choice and is never acceptable.
Identify and Prevention
Children are sometimes reluctant to report cyberbullying and adult victims tend to think they can handle it alone. However, it is important for parents to be aware of the following signs that their child may be the victim of cyberbullying:
- Sudden dislike of social media
- Showing signs of nervousness when receiving an online message
- Changes in mood, behaviour or sleep patterns
- Using illness as an excuse to avoid the source of the bullying
- Becoming emotionally withdrawn
- School grades dropping or lack of focus on school work
Once the signs are identified, it is important to remember that a victim of cyberbullying will be in a vulnerable state. Address the situation in an empathetic manner and let your child know that you appreciate them opening up to you and that the bully’s actions is not their fault and not a reflection on them. Patience in your approach will allow your child to feel safe and will encourage them to share aspects of the bullying such as messages with you. Always assure your child that you are there to help them and that the bullying will stop.
Once aware of the scope of the cyberbullying, it is important to report the bully. Their behaviour should be reported to the websites where the bullying occurred. Most schools will have a bullying policy and it is important to contact the school principal particularly if the bully is a student at the same school.
If the cyberbullying is happening outside school grounds then it is advisable to report it to the police. Cyberbullying is a crime and will have consequences. In cases of severe cyberbullying, consulting a counsellor or child psychologist who is trained in this field may be necessary. There may be a few processes to go through in order to end the abuse. However, throughout these processes, always be aware of your child’s emotional wellbeing and continue to create those moments to boost their confidence.
Cyberbullying has become the new ‘face’ of the modern bully who is viral. Engaging in their particular mode of torture from the comfort of their own homes, they manage to create psychological distance which protects them from the consequences of their actions.
This online form of bullying has become the invisible epidemic, leaving a trail of emotional evidence that many of their victims do not recover from. Awareness is the key to prevention and will assist family, friends and communities to understand the complexities of this form of abuse.
I believe that what we do and say in life makes a difference and it is up to us what type of difference we want to make.
This content is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for formal and individualized diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed medical professional. Do not stop or alter your current course of treatment. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.
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© 2019 Lorna Lamon