One thing humans are good at is telling stories. Both to themselves and others. Sometimes they are based on fact, other times on their dreams, and many times based on their assumptions.
The stories we tell ourselves have common themes. Why someone is acting the way they are. Declaring what will surely happen if something is decided on. What stopped us from succeeding. Why a situation won’t work.
In this confusion of trying to make sense of the world through the stories we tell ourselves, there is no lighthouse or beacon to help us know whether we are substantially accurate. If what we are telling ourselves is really truth or simply our own fiction.
A seemingly thoughtful person might say that the way to avoid being so inaccurate is to simply offer the solution to what is being asked. Tell someone how they should act or get them to act differently by doing what you want. Share the decision that you feel should be made. Explain why what stopped you from succeeding is common. And of course, through our ego, share how a similar situation would work if you were in charge.
This counter approach is just as delusional. Nothing has been learned. We have not tested our stories against other’s perceptions. A seemingly thoughtful person simply pushes aside their stories of cause for expediently convenient new ones containing solutions. This too may be no more accurate.
We push ourselves away because we fear being responsibly direct. We fear testing the stories we tell ourselves with responsibly direct questions. Not insensitive ones. But of the type where we might say “this is what I see or feel” do you agree? Doing this early on, can save you a lot of time by not letting things fester or stealing your focus from other important work.
Responsibly direct implies that you share a statement, in the form of a question, to gain validation. You don’t hide what you are thinking or feeling but share openly your point of uncertainty. If you don’t, you yourself begin to create the “elephant” in the room that suppresses movement in any situation over time.
The risk in being responsibly direct is that what you think or believe can turn out to be wrong. The trick is to discern whether or not what we just heard, that pushes against what we believe, is enough to make us think differently. It’s always more helpful to test our thinking to help us navigate the world. Especially when we supress our ego, to have an open mind to adjust when needed.
Knowing that we are never always right and knowing that there is always so much more to learn.