The importance of discussing feelings in terms of resolving conflict and preserving the closeness in the union is critical. Yet feigning hardship to excuse a hurtful act may be an attempt to manipulate and gain emotional control of a person.
A sign that a partner may lack empathy occurs when he or she is unable to consider a person’s feelings when they differ from how he or she feels. When a partner dismisses, shames, and punishes a person for a feeling, he or she may struggle with empathy.
Examples of statements that invalidate feelings include:
- “Don’t be like that.”
- “Don’t be mad.”
- “You are too sensitive.”
- “Don’t start.”
- “Don’t be disappointed.”
- “You are too emotional.”
- “You are crazy.”
- “You overthink.”
- “You are insecure.”
When a partner consistently refuses to honor how a person feels and shames him or her, it takes a toll on the person’s sense of self. Feeling ashamed may compel a person to second guess feelings and opinions. Convinced he or she is wrong for feeling a certain way, a person may surrender to a partner’s demands. After a few months, a partner’s lack of empathy may impact a person’s mental health.
This type of emotional manipulation is often due to a partner’s unconscious desire for control. Unaware of his or her controlling tendencies because they stem from deep-rooted insecurities, the partner may lack insight. Resolving these tendencies is difficult if the partner is unable to recognize the dysfunction.
A lack of empathy and a propensity to “play the victim” in order to escape accountability are intangible dynamics easily swept under the rug when isolated. But if these habits continue over time, the theme of a partner vying for control of a loved one’s self-esteem may become evident. If a person becomes enlightened and challenges the partner, the partner may inflict guilt in order to exonerate himself or herself.
For example, “How can you accuse me of being selfish when I helped you with your car? You are impossible to please.” Inflicting guilt is yet another attempt to maintain the emotional control of a partner.
If a partner empathizes, is vulnerable instead of a victim, and is sincerely accountable for mistakes in the relationship, trust is easier to sustain. The love in the relationship is a product of closeness. Alternatively, if a partner emotionally manipulates, shames, routinely plays the victim, and continually inflicts guilt, the need for control may be his or her dysfunctional version of love, and it is often destructive. Healthy love is one in which both people feel heard, understood, and respected. It may be worth the wait.
Knowing these two types of love can help you understand whether you are in the right kind of relationship of not. Knowing these two types of love will help you identify whether someone genuinely loves you, or is simply emotionally manipulating you for their own selfish motives. Being in a relationship means you should feel safe and heard, and if you don’t, then maybe it’s time to let it go and move on.
If you want to know more about the two types of love, then check this video out below: