It’s as important as raising a child
Sometimes parenting yourself is a task as huge as raising a child. Examples of our parents might not be enough when it comes to raising a child. However, there are several resources that can be useful.
Being a parent is one of the most difficult trades in the world because we have the responsibility to prepare for life a being that depends on us. And how a healthy lifestyle, both physically and mentally, is learned from the first years of life, we need to be careful every step: we are the example our children will take over!
So how do we deal with pressure, how do we keep up with the changes in the world today, when childhood is no longer “as in our time”? I recommend you trust the internet, books and special courses for parents because psychology and education specialists are the most valid sources of information. Although the example of our parents or friends who have children may be useful, we must remember that not all children are the same as we are. Comparisons are not generally useful, so it is important to refer to neutral, objective sources that address situations from a scientific and behavioral perspective.
The TV can be an escape for busy mothers who do not have time to supervise their offspring, but that does not mean it is a good solution for small children’s education, on the contrary. We enumerate a few parenting mistakes that we need to keep in mind with our little ones.
Parents “walk” between mistakes that come either from lack of information or from lack of time. Sometimes, however, parents simply do not care about the consequences of inappropriate decisions taken against their children.
Top parenting mistakes:
• Absence of behavioral limits, minimum rules of conduct
• Wrong parental reporting to the child’s need to become independent
• Compensatory behaviors
• Inappropriate use of discipline
• Non-differentiation between your own and child’s needs
• Hours in front of the computer and TV
• Comparing children
• Setting up fears
The first of the serious misconceptions of parenthood, encountered over time, is the absence of behavioral limits, minimum rules of conduct that are designed to provide the safety framework within which the child behaves.
The limits are what determine what is and is not allowed, what expectations the parent has for the child and what consequences occur when they are violated. They are the basis for a healthy affective and mental development of the child. Parenting challenge: to set up a life program that is meant to be flexible but still existent to secure the child from the earliest age.
In order for the rules to work properly, the rules must be authentic (that is, in accordance with the principles and values that guide parents), clear (to be as accessible as possible to the child), flexible, and primarily always respected by parents because the child is learning through imitation. Rules also need to be approached and applied in a unitary way by parents, otherwise, they bully the child and do not have the desired effect.
If the mother believes that at the age of 10 the child can clean up the room and sets the rule to do so at the end of an activity or two days and the father disagrees with this rule and contradicts her mother the child will do whatever he thinks, by allying himself or herself, or will do what is sometimes required. By parenting yourself you can eliminate the worst outcome of the absence of behavioral limits and rules from early ages, which is gradually adapting with the development of the child, is a chaotic and changing behavior and even the appearance of behavioral disorders. Parents most often complain that the kids are not listening.
Another common misconception which also leads to parenting mistakes is the misreporting of parents to the need of the child’s independence.
The need for independence is a requirement for development, its gradual gain by age, acquisitions and bio-psychological progress is part of the normality of human development. So naturally, from the earliest age, we begin to take steps towards gaining independence and becoming an autonomous personality. It is advisable for parents to give children as much independence as they need to learn about and from the environment in which they live based on their level of development and age.
Excessive independence in relation to the psychological capacity of the child to manage leads to an excessive stress and the child won’t cope. The result will be: exaggerated behaviors, claims that are not in line with reality or possibilities, protests in the face of interdictions that will occur along the way. Also, the absence of adequate age and development independence leads to the appearance of symptoms of over-adaptation: the child becomes insecure, fearful because he does not know his own abilities, powers, and learns that parents have to decide because he can not.
A mistake often overlooked by busy adults is about offsetting behaviors towards the child. They refer to compensating for the lack of time for the younger person with material benefits, which attracts the child reactions.
Inappropriate use of discipline is one of the mistakes often encountered either by its absence, that is, the absence of consequences for undesirable behaviors or by transforming discipline into physical punishment, or verbal reactions full of insults, offenses, screams that affect the child’s self-esteem and hurt deeply emotionally. These disciplinary ways show the child that the parent is vulnerable, weak and cannot otherwise solve a problematic situation.
Physical punishment does not require respect, but humility, hostility or resentment. Many times, the little one does not know what was wrong, and the explanation must be given rationally, however tense the context in which it occurred. This kind of interventions affect the long-term relationship of trust between the child and the parent and instills the feeling of fear or even hatred. Most of the time, the child will have the purpose to take revenge on the parent who struck him.
Frequently, parents make comparisons between children. Even though they are the same age, both the stature-weight and the psycho-motor development are different, primarily conditioned by genetic factors and secondary influenced by external factors (diet, associated diseases, sensory-sensory stimulation).
Many parents have a tendency to lose patience in front of the avalanche of the “why” of their child and to more sensitive questions, such as those about “mother and father”. Here are also the answers about how the sister or brother came to the world: “with the stork”.
Psychiatrists specializing in pediatrics say it is wrong for the little one to be made an accomplice to a lie. The phrase ” Tell Mommy / Daddy …” forces the child to lie by omission. In the long run, this educational “strategy” will make it insecure, introverted and prone to the adolescent who will find out in time that reality is different from that described by parents.