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A fun and exciting sequel to the game created by the sexiest man alive:Ralph Lauren, water polo is just like polo, only in the water.
Back when Ralph Lauren was a young man, about 1894 or so, he invented gayness. No one knows why he did this exactly, although his critics claim he stole the idea from Ryan Seacrest. He used polo to create a line of clothing which would be played in the game for gay people. The clothing, usually consisting of polo shirts and thongs, would quickly become filthy while the gay people rode their horses around. Rather than wash their clothes, which would involve work and a mysterious process known as sex, they would keep purchasing new clothes. This is how Ralph Lauren became extremely rich(and gay).
The Invention of Water Polo
Facing intense competition from Abercrombie and Fitch, Ralph Lauren decided to invent a new sport for summer in which people could wear even skimpier clothing.He decided to give the gays a sport in which they rape eachother for a ball and be rewarded for it. He decided the sport would be known as water polo. The first game of water polo was played in his pool. After he realized what crappy swimmers horses are, he decided that gay dolphins could also be used.
Water polo is probably popular for the following reasons:
- Spectators can watch guys in their speedos while soaking wet and wrestling each other for a ball.
- If you are a guy like me then because you play against fit and athletic men in speedos in a pool, which means you are wrestling each other for a ball in nothing but tight speedos), and you are expected to grab at other another guy's bulge or balls or whatever you call it.
- Water Polo has also gained popularity with golfers and others who don't participate in real sports, this way they can talk about non real sports with each other and not feel awkward.
Water Polo Equipment
- A Ralph Lauren bathing suit generally covered in a form of slime to prevent stray sack grabbage.
- A large body of water, preferably a swimming pool, but the Dead Sea also works well.
- Horses that can swim well.
- What? You don't have any horses? Okay, you can use dolphins (or killer whales if in Sea World)
- A huge mallet used to hit other players, or if need be, the ball
- A ball, preferably one that can float unless you like the extra challenge
- An unbiased referee, your neighbor should work well
- A bunch of other people to play with, usually named Tarquin or Clarence
- A selection of people who know what the sport is, at least one player with legs, one be a Stoke City fan and one who has had their elbows surgically sharpened.
- An education worth at least £100,000 from a school where the entrance exam is marked by a thrid world dentist.
- At least three local dialects to confuse the oppostion and communicate with your steed of choice.
- An air horn for the referee with taser attachment.
- Floaties, just in case your dolphin can't swim
- If playing at night, make sure to bring sunglasses
- Two goals, in case scoring is necessary
- A shit load of balls because we all no they don't have any.
How to Play
- Players swim around the pool, beating the crap out of each other with their mallets. If a player falls off of his or her animal, he or she is out of the game. If a player drowns or dies in any other way, he or she is out of the game.
- The last player still alive and on their animal wins the game.
- Players can force other players into submission (give up) by squeezing their balls, bulges, packages, dicks or genitals (whatever you call them) - kicking, grabbing, punching and squeezing acceptable.
- In case of a tie, the person who scores a goal first wins.
- In case of another tie, the person with the most expensive Ralph Lauren accessories wins.
- In case of yet another tie, sharks are thrown into the pool and they have a sudden death match.
- During sudden death everyone must throw things at the players. A tradition is to ride crocodiles into the pool and let them attack players.
- The winner should celebrate by encouraging his friends to buy more Ralph Lauren clothing.
- If you drop the ball you get dunked by your team, if you score a goal the other team dunks you.
Any of these actions will result in ejection from the game, as well as extreme taunting and mockery:
- Touching other players balls, bulges, dicks, packages or genitals in a sexual way.
- Wearing a Hollister bathing suit
- Peeing in the pool
- Getting eaten by your dolphin
- Saying that it's just a game
- Not tightening your drawstring enough, thus exposing yourself
- Spilling your beer
- Crying, because there's no crying in water polo
Variations of Water Polo
- Nile Water Polo: Played only in Egypt, this version includes one team riding on crocidiles and the other riding on hippos. No survivors of this variation have been reported.
- Spring Water Polo: The pool is filled up with purified bottled water instead of plain pool water. This change was made by the billionaires playing the game who got thristy in the middle of matches.
- Magical Water Polo: Players consist of fairies riding on unicorns. Fairie shishkabob usually served after the games.
- Water Polo... with sharks!: Imagine water polo but with a twist, a horrible, blood curdling twist, and sharks too.