Earth-Like Planet Found Orbiting Far-Off Star
Scientists discovered "Planet Gore" while peering through some fancy telescope in a large observatory during a federally funded toga party. They're calling it "Planet Gore" because it's twice the size of Earth, but much much hotter.
The surface temperature ranges from 1,832 to 2,732 degrees Fahrenheit, proving that this planet is in the last stages of advanced manlike-made Global Warming. Researchers speculate the surface is covered in lava, which flows under all old growth forests on Earth. This would be hard on the SUV's properly inflated tires, and would require this planet's messiah to invest in additional infrastructure.
PICTURED: Gore transits it's parent star. The large glowing star behind and in such close proximity to Planet Gore created enough backlight to make the planet visible. The extreme temperature of the planet surface, however, has many of these scientists perplexed as to the cause.
"This is proof of semi-intelligent life on another planet. The heat has to have been caused by man-like creatures burning fossil fuels," exclaimed a long-haired hippy democrat scientist, as he took a deep hit on his bong.
I suggest we rocket Al Gore and his little slide show into space immediately and point him towards Planet Gore. He could show these man-like aliens schematics for large power producing windmills and sell them carbon credits. It may be their only hope.
Jupiter Is the Last Place I'd Want to Go - At least not without a flotation device.
1 hour ago