Do they bring to mind any of these thoughts?
“Don’t fence me in! … I don’t want to have to comply … I better get it right or I’m in trouble … I feel guilty because I didn’t do what I said I’d do!” 🙁
Why do we not always jump in and make agreements?
Maybe: We are afraid that what we want isn’t what the other wants.
Consider: This assumes that the two of you won’t be able to find creative options, alternatives, and solutions. This is an invitation to get creative!
Maybe: We don’t want to be held accountable or hold the other person accountable.
Consider: Do your agreements involve creating situations that you truly want?
Maybe: We don’t want to feel guilty if we don’t follow through.
Consider: How about giving yourself a dose of self-compassion when you don’t follow through? Welcome to the human race.
Maybe: We forget to be intentional.
Consider: Create tiny habits that help you be intentional. For example, as you pass from one meeting to the next, pause to take a breath and ask, what are our intentions for our time together?
Agreements are Good
So if you have any hesitations or negative feelings about agreements, consider associating them with positive meaning, such as:
- Agreements help our brains to focus on what we want.
- Agreements give us healthy boundaries.
- Agreements are positive intentions in action.
- Agreements lend us a sense of what to expect.
- Agreements add a layer of psychological safety.
- Agreements are ways of expressing respect to one another.
- Agreements can and should be re-aligned when they aren’t working.
- Agreements, when not met, are invitations to connect and co-create with our fellow human beings
What kind of agreements would you like to make with yourself?
What kind of agreements would you like to make with others?