Top food scientists at the Keebler Company announced last Monday the discovery of an ancient recipe for oatmeal cookies with “a grape base, apparently predating the contemporary oatmeal raisin cookie.”
Keebler head chef Angus Williamson explained that the cookie is “essentially just a bunch of hot grapes in an oven” and that the new cookie could potentially reach “a new market of people that don’t like raisins, but would enjoy some scalding hot grapes.”
Food historian Dr. Marcus Daniels explained that “the ancient recipe discovered at Keebler is a miraculous breakthrough in cookie technology,” adding that while “disgusting and watered down, the grape cookie is a clear step in the evolution of domesticated berry-based sustenance.”
Other food historians agreed that the cookie likely developed in regions of the Arctic Circle that may have been “too starved of sunlight to properly dry grapes.”
At press time, Keebler scientists were seen researching if a possible extinct recipe for “oatmeal grapeseed cookies” would be possible to produce under lab conditions.