There’s a famous line that goes, “good fences make good neighbors.” Well, in this case, good boundaries make for good relationships (including friendships, partners, family, coworkers, and so on). However, setting boundaries can be a challenge, especially if you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings or feeling like you’re being too selfish. But truth be told, without boundaries, it’s easy to get lost in a relationship, lose who you are, and end up feeling resentful or taken advantage of.
In this blog post, we’ll explore why boundaries are important in any relationship and provide some tips on how to set them in a way that’s respectful to yourself and others.
Boundaries Clarify Expectations
Boundaries are a way to define your limitations in relationships. They help both you and your friend, partner, neighbor, classmate, dog, (seriously anyone), understand what is acceptable and what is not. Without boundaries, we can easily find ourselves in a place of confusion, misunderstanding, and even resentment. When you set boundaries, you explicitly state what you’re willing to tolerate, as well as any behaviors that you may find hard to handle. Setting boundaries allows you to clarify expectations, and gives you the opportunity to communicate what you need from each other.
Boundaries Protect Your Emotional Health
Boundaries help you protect your emotional health by giving you the space you need to rest, reflect, and recharge. In any relationship, it is essential to be mindful of your mental and emotional well-being. If you’re always putting the needs of others before your own, you’re not only likely to burn out, but you’re also not allowing the other person to put in any effort on their end. After all, relationships exist because of an exchange of energy between two people. Being mindful of your emotional health means that you prioritize what you need to feel happy and secure in a relationship, whether that means regularly scheduling alone time or asking for support when you need it.
Boundaries Promote Mutual Respect
When you set boundaries, you are making it clear what you need from the other person, which helps promote mutual respect. When you feel heard and spoken to in a respectful way, it helps create an atmosphere of trust and safety in that relationship. On the other hand, when your boundaries are consistently ignored, your trust can be broken, your sense of safety ignored, and your self-esteem can take a hit. By having limits, you prevent yourself from being treated unfairly or disrespected.
Boundaries Help Relationships Grow Healthier
Boundaries are essential in both healthy new and long-standing relationships. Having consistent boundaries in place can help build stronger relationships that are based on respect, trust, and balance. Boundaries create a foundation in which communication, consent, and respect thrive. Understandably so, it can be challenging to establish clear boundaries. However, when you take the time to discuss your expectations with your friend, partner, coworkers, or whomever, you will find that you create a stronger relationship between the two of you that is grounded on clear communication, trust, and emotional understanding.
How to Set Boundaries In Relationships
Setting boundaries in relationships can be uncomfortable, but it is absolutely necessary and 100% worth it. Here I have compiled three major points to get you started:
- Focus on the Positive: Instead of setting boundaries with an air of negativity, try to frame them in a positive way. Saying what you need versus saying what you don’t want, will help avoid negative language and promote respect.
- Communicate Clearly and Respectfully: You want to be clear about what it is that you need from the other that is communicated in a respectable manner and considerate of their viewpoint. Try not to communicate from a place of anger, but rather from a place of honesty and forthrightness.
- Be Consistent: Boundaries are only effective if you follow through on them. Consistently allowing another person to disrespect your boundaries will only make the situation worse. Be prepared to have difficult conversations and say no when necessary.
Final Thoughts on Relationship Boundaries
Keep in mind that setting a boundary is a big step and takes a tremendous amount of courage. I invite you to take a moment to appreciate your willingness and wanting to do so for yourself and for the betterment of your relationships. Unfortunately, not everyone is always capable of respecting everyone else’s boundaries, and while that may be a hard pill to swallow, not everyone is meant to be in your life long-term and that is okay too.
Setting boundaries in relationships is not easy, but it is essential for your emotional well-being, and for the health of the relationship. Boundaries help define your needs and avoid misunderstandings that can lead to resentment and hurt feelings. When you set boundaries, you promote mutual respect, allow for growth in relationships, and help create an atmosphere of trust and security. Remember to communicate clearly, be consistent, and most importantly, be kind to others and towards yourself because as we now know, “good fences make even greater relationships.”