|From the most important principles that should be followed when building
relationships with people are:
- Correct the relationship between yourself and Allah and Allah will then
correct the relationship between yourself and others.
- Studies have proved that every individual has his own unique pattern of
understanding and that patterns are usually one of the following:
- A visual pattern, i.e. one looks at the world and deals with it from
a physical point of view.
- A hearing pattern, i.e. one looks at the world and deals with it
based on the words that one hears (one better understands by hearing).
- An emotion-based pattern, i.e. one looks at the world through one's
emotions and inner feelings.
If you succeed in understanding how a particular individual perceives
things (i.e., which pattern one emphasizes), then you can more easily
achieve harmony and understanding between the two of you, as well as
achieve confidence in your relationship.
- Put yourself in the place of others and let them hear from you what you
like to hear from them, and behave with them the way you like them to
behave with you.
- Always keep smiling, especially during difficult situations and
- Keep your calm and self control when provoked.
- Always be sensitive to feelings of others, their rights and their needs.
- Choose your words carefully, especially during the first encounter. Be
cheerful when speaking and beware of dull facial expressions and tough
looks even if your words are very nice.
- When the atmosphere is not appropriate to talk about a particular
subject, then it is better to end the talk about that subject in a
courteous way and postpone it to a more appropriate time.
- Decorate your talk with jokes and proverbs without making this
overwhelming in your talk, and tell only the truth. This will induce an
- Give away gifts even if small ones and rush to help others even if in
little ways, because these are means of winning hearts and of building
relationships. It is related in Adab al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari that the
Prophet (may peace and blessing be upon him) said: "Give gifts as it
will create love amongst you."
- Spread Salam (Islamic greeting) and reply to a greeting with a better
one. This is a key to winning others' hearts, so be eager to own this key.
- Keep your promises and be truthful in your talk. This will make others
love you even when you cannot accomplish what they want.
- Be generous within your means. Even whatever little that you may give
will put you in a high position in the hearts of people. No one can win
the hearts of others while he is described as stingy and not generous.
- Be simple and spontaneous in dealing with others. Being organized in
your life will make you win others' respect, even that of your enemies.
- Be clean in your body, mouth and clothing, be stylish without
exaggeration, and put on a nice fragrance; all these will make others that
are dealing with you more comfortable, instead of making them avoid you.
- These principles can be applied under all circumstances and in all roles
- at work, at home, with our husband or our wife, our father, our sons,
our friends, or with strangers.