Depressed or fed up? Depression is a genuine medical condition, a real illness with very real symptoms. Depression is a mental disorder and is way more than just feeling miserable or unhappy for a few days. We have all come across people who say they’re ‘depressed’ when really they mean they’re a bit down. Clinical Depression is a diagnosis that a doctor can make and help treat. A low mood or feeling fed up off and on is just that. Below Tony Drury says it as it is …
“A friend of mine attends an evangelical church and loves it. Last Sunday, the preacher was leaping around praising God when he stopped.
“Friends,” he cried. “I have a sense of foreboding. Somebody with us to-day is deeply troubled. If you are that person, please step forward so we can pray together.”
At which point twenty-two members of the congregation stepped forward.
My grandson is always happy. That is partly because he loves hitting me and dragging me to the newsagent to buy him yet another comic – one with guns. As I watch him mature into the world perhaps the one single situation I would want him to avoid is depression. As a parent, a grandfather, a manager of people and the chairman of a local political party, the one challenge I have struggled to master is dealing with individuals who are depressed or who think they are depressed.
I tell the following story to illustrate my approach.
The London-based finance house in which I was managing a staff of around forty pretty competent individuals included an outstanding, married new business executive whose work started to decline. It was the inevitable. Her name was Gemma, head of customer services, and she was exquisite. One day my PA came in and shut the door.
“Mr Drury,” she said. “You have to act. The whole office is in rumour mode.”
The Personnel rules were different in those days and every Friday several of the directors could be seen disappearing into Covent Garden with their chosen secretary. May I say the lasses went very willingly.
Depressed or Fed Up?
The next morning, I called the executive into my office and closed the door.
“Jonathan,” I said. “Is there anything you would like to tell me?”
The floodgates opened. He was hopelessly in love with Gemma, his wife was spending more time with her mother, taking the children with her, their finances were under strain and he was fed up with the office sniggers.
“In fact, Sir,” he said. “I am suffering from depression.”
“So, you have a real problem?” I asked him.
“Sir,” he pleaded, “You have no idea what I’m going through.”
“Wrong answer, Jonathan,” I responded.
He looked astounded.
“You have two problems. Your personal life and your position here. You’ve got two weeks to sort things out. If you don’t, I’ll refer you to staff division for demotion.”
My PA later told me what happened next. Jonathan stormed out of the office taking Gemma with him. A week later, he left home and set up in a flat with his lover. He later divorced his wife and I am told he looked after her and the children meticulously. His career recovered and I decided to make no file notes. Gemma lasted two months in the flat and then left him and her job to become an airline hostess. Before I left the company Jonathan, on my recommendation, was promoted and my PA hesitatingly informed me that he left instructions that I was not to be told about his celebration party.
Symptoms of Depression
A medical website lists the following symptoms which may lead to a diagnosis of clinical depression:
- Feelings of sadness or emptiness
- Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Weight and appetite changes
- Sleep problems
- Feelings of being either slowed down or excessively agitated
- Tiredness and lack of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
- Problems with concentration and making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
My grandson is a million miles away from a single one of these challenges.
Mental Health in Children
Sadly, there are too many who aren’t. Schoolchildren as young as four are to be given lessons in mental health including guidance on how to recognise depression. The classes will be added to new compulsory sessions from Autumn 2020. The draft proposals (under consultation) include help to develop confidence and resilience. The newspaper article said, “there are growing concerns about the deteriorating mental health of young people.”
Last year my former PA flew into London from her home in South Africa and we had lunch together. One of us remembered Jonathan.
“Tell me,” I asked. “What did you think of how I dealt with the situation?”
“You were totally wrong in what you did,” she said.”