Archive for July, 2016
I saw this image today on a friend’s Facebook page and had to post it as a classic example of passive aggressive behavior in the workplace! For more information on recognizing and responding effectively to passive aggression visit the LSCI Institute online at www.lsci.org and check out our book, The Angry Smile, as well as our online and live training opportunities!
This morning, both of my kids are being challenged to do something outside of their comfort zone. The Mama bear in me wants to rush in and rescue them to save them from feeling fear. The loving Mama in me knows that these challenges are well within my girls’ abilities and will equip them with important life skills–including the confidence that they can face challenges head on. Breathe, Mama, breathe.
While I soak in as much Summer as I can before the 2016-17 school year begins, I am thinking about my own mantras of School Counseling—the most important things I can offer my students to make them each feel heard, understood, safe, and valued. What follows are my Bullying Prevention mantras (along with their slightly longer explanations.)
In One Word: EMPATHIZE
Bullying is a purposeful act of cruelty. Kids who bully show a lack empathy for the feelings and experiences of their targets. Parents and professionals play a key role in cultivating empathy in all kids, especially those who are most likely to get caught up in moments of social whack-a-mole, knocking others down just to pull themselves up the school social ladder.
In Two Words: WORDS MATTER
Okay, I already previewed this one, didn’t I? At my elementary school, many of the students call me Queen Signe. Some of them do it because they like to be silly and others do it just for fun but most of the kiddos I work with use this term because our comprehensive, Every Action/Every Day Bullying Prevention strategy means that we are always talking about the fact that words matter. The way we speak to each other, including the names we use and the words we choose, all have a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves and how we enjoy our time at school.
Important point: The same applies to how we communicate through technology. Teach kids that the words they text, tweet, send, and post should be used with the same amount of care as the words that they say to someone in person.
For the rest of my mantras, please check out my article on Psychology Today:
“At Lincoln, the teachers and staff follow a few deceptively simple rules: Don’t take anything the student says personally and don’t mirror their behavior with an outburst of your own. The teachers give students time to calm down, often in the principal’s office or a special “quiet room.” Later, they inquire about what might be bothering them and ask if they want to talk about it.
Such seemingly straightforward techniques are actually based on hard science. In contrast to the fight-or-flight response triggered by perceived threats, seemingly minor acts of kindness, such as a few caring words from a teacher or a quick hug, can activate a cascade of Oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone.” In highly traumatized kids, such simple acts can have an outsized impact.
Kelsey says she was “shocked” when, after precipitating a violent fight with another girl during her freshman year, she wasn’t immediately arrested and kicked out of school. Instead, she went to the principal’s office to cool off. “I was given a bottle of water, a gentle pat on the back and time to reflect on my behavior,” recalled Kelsey. “Even the school cop talked to me calmly and helped me discuss what I had done.”
There were consequences: Kelsey was suspended for three days and charged with assault. But she never got into a fight again. “I saw that there were people in the building who cared about me and realized I could have gone to any of them to resolve the issue without a fight,” she said.”
Read on for more of this incredible article from The Atlantic. THIS is what LSCI practitioners have been doing for decades–allowing kids to Drain Off their intense emotions first, THEN using specific strategies to help them talk about their problems and learn new behaviors. THIS is the work that drives me and the reason I am so proud to be affiliated with the LSCI Institute!
To learn more, email me or visit www.lsci.org today to get certified in the skills of LSCI before the new school year begins!
In LSCI training, we teach professionals and parents the basics about how kids’ brains respond to stressful situations. This blog post provides a great overview of this brain-based way of understanding how little people are overcome by emotions–and gives clear, easy-to-implement advice on what NOT to say when a child is overwhelmed by fear or anxiety. It also gives great advice for words and phrases that are truly helpful in allowing a young person’s brain to calm down so that they can think more clearly and cope with their feelings. Definitely worth a read!