If you’re prone to bickering with those around you, a new study suggests that you may want to work on that. The research, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, reports a strong link between the amount of arguing a person does and the risk of dying from any cause over the next 10 years. Being a man and being out of work made the connection stronger. But across the board, there was a significant association between mortality and the frequency of arguments with family, friends, and even neighbors.
The study, out of the University of Cogenhagen, followed almost 10,000 people, aged 36-52, for 11 years. The researchers asked them about their social relationships, paying special attention to which of the people in their lives tended to be linked with the most arguments. Over the course of the study, 196 women and 226 men died. About half of the deaths were due to cancer, and the other half from heart disease, accidents, and suicides.
People who reported more arguing with their spouses or children were 50% to 100% more likely to die from any cause at all. Those who reported frequent arguing with anyone in their social circle – including friends, relatives, and neighbors – were two to three times more likely to die over the next decade. The results held strong even when factors like depression, gender, marital status, chronic health conditions, available emotional support, and socioeconomic status were removed from the equation.
Men were especially susceptible to the health effects of arguing – in other words, men who tended to argue a lot had a risk of death that was above and beyond the usual risk associated with being male. People who were unemployed were also more vulnerable to the effects of arguing, which is interesting but not unexpected.
Intuitively, the connection may not be so surprising, but the question is what biological mechanisms might explain it. One possibility is that frequent arguing triggers the stress response and the cascade of negative effects that follows.
“Stressful relations have been associated with heightened proinﬂammatory cytokine activity,” the authors write, which suggests that the immune system may be involved. “It therefore seems plausible that at least part of the association between stressful relations and health might be mediated by stress-responsive systems.”
As always, the caveat is that there’s no evidence of cause and effect: The study doesn’t “prove” that arguing with your spouse leads to an early death. It could, theoretically, be the other way round – that people who are less healthy to begin with argue more. But this seems less likely. More feasible is the idea that the stress of arguing could be linked to mortality through the stress/immune mechanisms mentioned above.
In any case, even if you’re prone to arguing, not all is lost. Learning to manage your anger, especially when it comes to your close relationships, is probably wise. “Intervening in conflicts, particularly for those out of work, may help to curb premature deaths associated with social relationship stressors,” said study author Rikke Lund. And even if it doesn’t extend your life by many years, managing your emotions can only help your relationships – and your spouse will definitely appreciate a less argumentative you.