“Why Won’t My Child Come Out to Me?”
We previously discussed things to consider when coming out to one’s parents, but what if you’re the parent and you think your child is gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgendered and want your child to come out to you? We receive calls from some parents who believe or even know that their children are gay, yet have not heard it first-hand from their kids. They sometimes experience feelings of hurt that their children might not trust them.
If this describes you, first of all congratulations for being receptive to the possibility of your child being something other than straight. We applaud that you want your child to feel free to be open about who he/she is.
It might be frustrating that your child hasn’t come out to you (if, indeed, he/she is GLBT), but please be patient. While your son or daughter’s GLBT status might be clear to you, keep in mind that it might not yet be clear to your son or daughter. Coming out is a very personal process, and your child may not be ready to face all of the feelings that come with it.
Here are some things you can do or say to ease the process for your child:
- Discuss current events that affect GLBT people. Give your positive opinion readily, and ask what your child thinks.
- Have conversations about any GLBT people you may personally know. Talk about their experiences with your child.
- Let your child know that your love is unconditional. You might even go through various scenarios of what your child could do or be and let him/her know that it wouldn’t change your feelings.
- If you feel your child is struggling and it’s a financial and/or scheduling possibility, arrange for counseling for your child. It’s less important that your child talk to you than that they talks to someone who lets your child know that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered is normal and okay. We can help you find a gay-affirming therapist in your area.
It really all boils down to patience, love and understanding, something that parents tend to have in spades. And if you want to talk, we’re here.