Guilt as an emotion can be both and bad, depending on how it is interpreted and dealt with. Feeling guilt can help us to notice when we might be straying from the path of righteousness or doing something that is inappropriate. Teaching us that it might be time to do things differently. Unfortunately it can also have a real negative and debilitating impact on a person. As an example, when you experience such guilt that you can’t move forward. Feeling stuck and unworthy. Guilt can actually also lower healing power and cause a variety of physical and psychological disorders.
Guilt can come from self and others
We can feel guilt from judging ourselves, as well as how others may project their judgement onto us. Sometimes people want to make others feel guilty as some sort of punishment or to change their behaviour. Or maybe feeling guilty for living up to your own or others expectations of you.
We can experience guilt for what we have done, as well as have not done. Guilt can erode our self-worth and emotional well-being. Saying things like, “I don’t deserve to be happy or loved,” or “I am not good enough.” Guilt can feel like anchor that weighs and ties us down, preventing you from living a life of peace and abundance.
It is a fact of life that one might have some regrets. These regrets can lead to guilt if we judge them as being bad. They can make one feel so guilty that you can almost feel undeserving of any goodness.
Sometimes people feel guilty about getting into a new relationship when their spouse has passed away. They might feel as if they will be dishonouring their love and memory. That is simply not true.
Let me ask you a question. If you passed away, would you want your partner to be happy or live an unfulfilled life in unhappiness? Of course if we love someone, we would always want them to be happy if we died. So let go of that guilt and be happy.
We have all done things that are “wrong.” One of the presuppositions of NLP says, “We are doing the best that we can with the resources we have available.” Meaning that you did the best you could at that moment. Now that does not mean it was the best intention for the person who may have been wronged by your actions. However it is like the NLP equivalent of forgiveness. Both for others, as well as yourself. It is important to make peace with the past. Learn from it and move forward in a positive way.
Thom Rutledge, who wrote The Self-Forgiveness Handbook: A Practical and Empowering Guide, says that the grudges we hold against ourselves are just as destructive as those we have for others.
”We must first forgive ourselves for not being perfect, before we can truly practice forgiveness.” Thich Nhat Hanh
10 Ways to let go of guilt
Prevention is better than cure. Time Line Therapy® is one of the most effective ways to get rid of the negative emotion of guilt that you already carry. Here are some things you can do to limit guilt in the future.
• Stop that self-destructive. You know, that little voice that you beat yourself up with.
• Ask yourself where the guilt comes from and what purpose it serves. Is it helping you to live a better life or is it being destructive?
• Don’t let others manipulate you with guilt.
• Don’t lay guilt trips on other people.
• Forgive yourself and others. Learn from your experiences and minimize the risk of it happening again. Remember that just because you may have done bad thing, it does not make you a bad person. You are not your behaviour. You can always change your behaviour.
• If you have done somebody wrong, ask for forgiveness. Apologize and move on.
• Accept what can’t be changed and change what can be.
• Be certain of your abilities before you commit. Sometimes people commit to doing things that they might not have the resources for to deliver. Then they feel guilty as they let themselves or other down.
• Stop magnifying your mistakes. It is funny how we very rarely celebrate our successes and achievements. Yet we are very good at beating ourselves up when we make mistakes.
• Understand that some things are out of your control and you need to stop feeling guilty about them. Example, you were meant to pick up your child from school. Your car broke down and you did not get there on time. You had no signal to call and say you were stuck. Your child walked home and got hit by a car, breaking their leg. This was out of your control. We do not control everything that happens in life.
Life is a journey, with many unexpected challenges. Some you will rise to and others you may stumble and make mistakes. You are not your behaviour and do not control everything that happens in life. Learn to forgive yourself and others and move on.
For help with guilt or other negative emotions, feel free to get in touch. You are not alone and help is at hand.