How to Talk to Grandchildren About COVID, Cash and Calamity
By Dr. Tracy E. Hill
Whether you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher or anyone else who connects with children, it’s important to understand the best way to talk to kids about the issues facing our world. And we’re not just talking about COVID-19, but also the fact that many adults will be furloughed during this pandemic which means that finances for (employers and employees) is a major concern right now for everyone around the world. Here are some helpful hints for you to consider:
- Be Honest. Honesty is always the best policy. However, being honest doesn’t mean oversharing (or under-sharing). You need to consider the child’s age and what they can and cannot handle.
An example of honesty to a child might sound like “Mom is nervous about our finances (COVID) right now, but I’m working on figuring it out.” This demonstrates honesty and resiliency, not fear. Sure, you may be afraid but that goes under the category of oversharing.
- Don’t Make False Promises. It’s rarely a good idea to make bogus promises to children. Often enough in my career I’ve heard parents (and doctor’s) say “It’s going to be okay,” when in fact, it’s usually not going to be, or they can’t guarantee that it will be.
An example of a realistic promise is “We’re going to do our best to protect ourselves from COVID-19 (loss of job, income). If we get it, we’ll do what we need to, to get better as quickly as we can.”
- Be a Role Model. Children follow your lead. If you’re anxious, stressing out or showing signs of panic, children will take that to heart as well. Even older children sense adults’ anxiety whether they say it or not. Your anxiety becomes their anxiety. Keep your moments of panic private.
Examples of role modeling include good hygiene, finding solutions not adding to problems, talking calmly about the situation, not blowing the situation out of proportion or catastrophizing.
- Stick to Routines. As a member of county crisis teams, I’ve been deployed to help people in crises for the past couple of decades. The number one concept is to return to your normal routine as much as possible in the event of any This helps balance your mental and emotional states faster than any self-medication and is much healthier for you and your children in the long run (Be a Role Model).
If your children are home from school or college, have them follow their school schedule as closely as possible. You can also carve out time to ‘work’ by reading, writing or doing research on something related to your career or interests. Wake up and go to bed at the same time as you normally would. Of course, you can always take time during this pandemic to spend some more quality time with your (grand)children and family—but just remember that sticking to a semblance of routine is best for you and the kids.
- Age Appropriate Language and Information. From my many years of practice, I can tell you that kids hate it when you dummy it down for them. Use the language and vocabulary that feels comfortable for you. If children (students) don’t understand, typically they’ll ask questions for further explanation or take from the conversation what they can. I had an eight-year-old once say to me in therapy that her mom “tells me everything and it makes me so scared. I don’t want to know so much.” This young girl was wetting herself (day and night) while her mother was going through chemotherapy and the parents couldn’t understand why.
Information should be truthful, concise and appropriate. No need to overshare or under share (Be Honest). You might say to a child, “COVID-19 is a global pandemic. The Governor is suggesting that businesses and schools close so everyone can stay safe until this situation gets better. We’re going to hunker down at home for a bit until the government lets us know we can resume our normal activities.”
- Ask Questions. Using your own language often breeds questions from children. Give children the opportunity to ask questions. If children don’t ask any questions, ask them if they have any! Kids don’t like to admit when they don’t understand something, especially big words. Asking them if they have any questions provides them the opportunity to understand if they want to. If they don’t want to know more right now, they’ll opt out of any questions. Remember, they may come back later to ask a question or two. Kids may need time to process information just like adults do.
A simple, “Do you have any questions?” is the perfect response. If the answer is “no” you can always follow up with, “Well, I’m available if you want to ask me anything later.”
- Keep Biases, Judgements and ‘Isms’ to Yourself. This is a global situation. We are affected as a world. Blaming any specific race, religion, country or people (or any other ‘ism’) is not helpful and only spreads hate and divisiveness. Yesterday, a client told me he was out playing in the park with his 12-year-old daughter and a plane flew over quite low. He raced over to his daughter, flew himself on top of her and said “Cover yourself! It’s the [fill in country]’s dropping their snot all over you!” Seriously? This is not helpful in so many ways—go back and read all the above.
- TV and Social Media. During times of domestic, global or any other crisis; it may be best to limit television and social media for children of all ages. The constant barrage of information is overload for (you and) children. Avoid watching the news when children are present to decrease their exposure and anxiety.
“This too shall pass” (Perisan adage, author unknown). Stay safe, smart and use protection.
Photo by Ben Wicks (UK) @profwicks