Definition: “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system." - Brene Brown
The Story: If I can do everything well enough to be perceived as perfect, I can avoid or minimize blame, shame, and judgment.
The Reality: 1) There is no such thing as perfect. 2) It's impossible to control others' perception, no matter how much energy and time you spend trying. 3) Perfectionism actually INCREASES the odds we will feel the painful emotions of blame, shame, and judgment.
Recovery Starts With: Practicing self-compassion and learning shame resilience.
I have found that, in myself and those who consult with me, perfectionism and shame are the biggest obstacles to effective engagement in the world, whether finishing a project you care about, contributing to social change, or having meaningful relationships. If you are not familiar with Brene Brown's research (and viral TED talks) on shame and vulnerability, start there.
"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." -Brene Brown
Counselor/Coach, Consultant, Folklorist, High Priestess of Where Things Meet and the Places Between