Where do these stories come from? An event happens in childhood and our innocent minds make it mean something about us. Abuse and neglect are sources of these perspectives. But even less traumatic events including unsupportive comments or put-downs from parents and peers can cause us to make it mean that we are bad, wrong, unworthy. In addition, cutting edge research shows that trauma gets passed down through generations in our genes. For more info on this study see www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/study-finds-ptsd-lingers-body-chemistry-next-generation/. Understanding this language of familial trauma in your body helps you move beyond it through awareness and self-acceptance. Take a moment and see if you can find your story. See if you can recall your earliest memory of someone hurting you. What did you decide about yourself in that moment? Write it down. Get really clear that this is what you've been telling yourself daily for years, decades. Can you move past what happened? Will you let other people's actions keep you stuck in the past? Seek help if needed. Choose a new story to reframe your negative belief, something like "I am enough" or "I am a miracle of nature." Practice replacing your old story with your new one often. Share it with people close to you. Through understanding, compassion and acceptance, you can surrender your stories and secrets and move past these false perceptions.
If you couldn't already tell, I happen to be a major enthusiast of building awareness, and I love learning new insights. I discovered my own story through enlightening discussions and exercises at transformational workshops, in coaching training, through yoga and meditation, in therapy and with family and friends. I vividly remembered a moment in my life when I decided "I'm not good enough." At age 8, I had a Halloween party. After collecting our loot, we returned to my family's apartment for dessert – special witch hat ice cream cones. A bossy friend blamed me for something she had done, and my mom, overhearing this, sent me straight to my room with no dessert. In that moment I decided I wasn't worth as much as my friends who were joyfully eating ice cream just outside my door. My friend had lied. My mother had neglected to discuss it with me and chose to punish me at my own party. And I hadn't stood up for myself. For over 30 years, I unconsciously held that belief. With work to reveal my story, I forgave my friend, my mother and myself for the parts each of us played in that scenario. Now, I am very aware when this perspective comes creeping in. Because it is so much a part of my consciousness and not my unconscious mind, I can tell myself "No, that's a false perspective," and it vanishes.
How long have you been telling yourself your story? How often do you give away your power by not standing in your truth, saying "yes" when you mean "no" or "no" when you really want "yes?" Freedom is a choice. It is time to reclaim yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing has ever been wrong with you. Remind yourself of this every day and tell yourself, "nothing and no one has the power to take away who I came here to be."