The very first talk I went to see in grad school was given by Martin Seligman. I will never forget how inspiring and intuitive his message was. Dr. Seligman is one of the founders of a relatively new branch of psychology called Positive Psychology. This area of psychology focuses on how increasing positivity can help people to thrive and become their best selves. Research in this area has found that optimism can ward off depression, improve health, and enable achievement. Makes sense, right? But why is that when someone tells us to look on the bright side, we want to kick his backside?
People need validation and empathy in order to effectively process upsetting events in life. Even if that role is fulfilled internally, it's a necessary step in moving on. I have found that there needs to be some acknowledgment of the experience of loss, before one can look at the flip side of the coin. So, if you experience a setback, sit with it for a moment. Allow yourself the discomfort. For instance, acknowledge that the flat tire on the way to work is awful. The key is to recognize when your healthy response becomes useless dwelling. This isn't always easy, and at times you may need help to figure out how to reframe a situation.
Keep in mind that you don't have to fully buy into your silver lining. You just have to allow the optimism to rent some space in your head. That is, if the flat tire allowed you to enjoy a few more minutes listening to NPR, that may not be enough to flip the scales. But it's something, and it matters.
The video attached (shared by the magnificant Vanessa Gale) discusses the reason why even little steps toward thinking positively matter. It's called neuroplasticity, and it means that we can change our brains by changing our thinking and behavior. So even if you are that guy walking around with a raincloud over his head, you can train yourself to see the bright side. If you don't have time to watch the full video, I will leave you with the prize takeaway: some simple ways to rewire your brain to think positively.
1. Three gratitudes (each day for 21 days, write down 3 new things you are grateful for)
2. journaling (each evening, write down a positive experience from your day)
3. exercise (duh)
4. meditation (try to dial in and focus on your breathing- even just a few moments each day)
5. random acts of kindness (e.g. write one positive text or email per day, thanking or praising someone)
These may seem like daunting tasks for some. You may be too busy, or too overwhelmed with life's demands. But hey, look at the bright side, taking time now to make positive changes will most likely buy you more time down the road. And isn't time what we all need more of? Finally, if you haven't seen it yet, watch the movie Happy. It's heartwarming and beautiful and further expounds on this topic. Enjoy!