By Jessica Bouta, West Elementary School Counselor
As the demands of education continue to grow, our children are faced with more and more pressure to perform both in and out of the school setting. We often assume children have been taught how to behave and cope with demanding or stressful situations, when in fact not enough time has been spent teaching and practicing self-regulation skills for success in life.
Many think of self-regulation as merely impulse control but it encompasses a wide array of behaviors. This includes, but is not limited to, taking responsibility, responding appropriately and moderating behavior, finding balance, regulating moods and being proactive in behaviors and emotions versus reactive. Learning ways to regulate their bodies physically, emotionally, and mentally, helps individuals recognize when something is out of balance and employ skills necessary to regain control.
Teaching self-regulation skills starts when children are young. Learning how to accept “no,” deal with disappointment, anger, frustration and stress, help set them up for future success. A student with proactive self-regulation skills works to use a positive skill to calm their mind and body, to respond appropriately to their feelings and the situation.
Teaching and practicing self-regulation requires the same care as teaching and practicing essential skills in core academic areas such as reading, math, and science. You might be wondering what you can do to help your child learn to self-regulate and practice coping skills. Here are some ideas to start the conversation with your child:
- Be intentional and talk about feelings. “I can see that you are feeling mad right now because…”
- Discuss clues their bodies give to how they are feeling. An example might be discussing how we might have tears if we are feeling sad.
- Talk about and practice healthy ways to express feelings.
- Help identify warning signs felt with strong emotions and develop a plan of how to cope with those feelings. This might be “I will stop and take 5 deep breaths when I start to feel angry.”
- Explore coping skills for dealing with strong emotions. This might include deep breathing, guided relaxation, counting to 10, coloring a picture, or listening to calm music.
- Practice, practice, practice incorporating these coping skills into your daily routine. The more they practice, the more natural it will feel to use.