Importance of the Family Meal
by Melanie Waxman
The family meal, unfortunately,
is disappearing fast. In all cultures, this timeless institution
was recognized as a vital part of strong, stable family life.
Eating together is the time when everyone can gather after
a day hard at work or studying in school to share adventures
Children learn a great deal
by observing their parents. During the meal, they can find
out about family traditions, good eating habits, be exposed
to different foods, have interesting discussions and develop
self-discipline. The family meal helps to develop a deep sense
of security, establish a routine and is a wonderful place
for parents and children to listen and demonstrate mutual
respect. Lastly, and probably most important, the simple pleasure
of eating together is a time for laughter, fun and sharing
I first went to Portugal when
I was eighteen. My parents and I drove through Spain, into
the North of Portugal and then down to the South. We ate in
many small, traditional restaurants along the way. The thing
that I remember clearly was the wonderful sight of large families
dining together. They gathered at long tables, grandparents,
aunts, uncles, parents and children and didn't appear to be
in any hurry at all; in fact the meals went on forever.
It was fascinating to me and I really enjoyed watching everyone
chatting and laughing and small children running around. In
Portugal, eating together is considered normal and it showed
me the importance of mealtimes in family life.
We also ate as a family in
England and my mother was happy to include our friends on
a regular basis. My father loved debating and Sunday lunch
involved a lively discussion on a wide variety of subjects.
Even today, my brothers and I have a big laugh about our Sunday
lunches and the funny things that happened. When members of
the family come together to eat, they build understanding
Children can learn how to
listen and also how to share their ideas and views. Parents
can also learn to listen to their children and teach them
words of wisdom. It is a wonderful way to get to know your
children and to understand who they are. Dinner is a great
time to gather together and really share about the things
we have discovered, the people we have met and our observations
from the day. It helps children to develop compassion and
respect for others.
My parents were sticklers for routine. We had our meals at
the same time each day.
At weekends our plans were centered on mealtimes. We gathered
for breakfast and discussed what everyone was going to do.
Often lunch was simple or eaten as a picnic and then we gathered
again for dinner. We would spend a lot of time in the kitchen
too. I don't think my mother was always happy when Dad fixed
the lawn mower, my brothers cleaned parts of their bikes and
I washed my saddle. We considered the kitchen to be the center
and a safe, happy environment for all our activities.
Regular meals and an established
routine give children a sense of security and stability.
When a child feels secure, they also feel much happier and
find it easy to do well at school, socially and in various
hobbies and interests. A stable child is better able to deal
with difficulties, stress and emotional upsets. Regular meals
are also beneficial for health reasons too. They actually
regulate all of the body's cycles - physical, emotional and
Meal times are traditionally
centered on the natural cycles of the day. Breakfast,
literally meaning to break fast, is an uplifting start to
the day. Breakfast also aligns with the rising energy of the
sun. This meal gives you the necessary vitality to go out
into the world or to begin your daily adventure. Lunch is
eaten when the sun is most active or at mid-day. Lunch can
go either way.
A light, simple lunch will
give you the necessary stamina to be active and complete your
work. A large lunch is better suited to an afternoon siesta
or for relaxing. Dinner is eaten when the sun is setting and
the energy of the day is calming down, This is a time for
returning home, re-aligning and becoming a family unit once
again. When we align with the cycles of nature, it makes life
flow in a smooth and supportive manner.
Table manners are very important.
Not only do they make eating together pleasurable, they also
help a child to develop self-discipline and improve their
health. Sitting up straight and eating with a closed mouth
help to strengthen the digestive system and improve the assimilation
of nutrients. Taking small portions and eating everything
on the plate shows gratitude for life and all the work that
has gone into making food available. Eating slowly with small
mouthfuls is good for the brain and makes it easier to focus
with clarity. Learning to sit still and wait for dishes to
be passed can help to develop patience and teach a child the
value of being calm and quiet. Teaching a child 'how' to eat
is as important as 'what' to eat and makes it easier for them
to be strong and healthy.
Small children often have
limited tastes. When they observe their parents eating
a wide selection of delicious, natural, healthy foods and
dishes, it exposes them to the enjoyment of variety. It also
helps them to develop a broad outlook on life. Learning to
share during the meal shows a child that the world doesn't
always revolve around them. It helps a child to understand
the power of giving and receiving.
Sharing food also develops
gratitude. When time is set aside to really enjoy the
meal, then the love, time and effort that the cook has put
in is reciprocated. Spending time on the meal, also helps
the body to relax and become open to receiving nourishment
. Having your child help set the table or clear the dishes
can encourage the idea of giving and receiving. Children can
be involved with the meal time preparation at a very young
age even if it is as simple as putting the napkins on the
The family meal is a way
to understand the subtle forces of energy in nature. During
the meal there should be a gentle flow between creativity
and discipline. These two forces go hand in hand. You can't
have one without the other. If you give your child too much
freedom, it will be hard for them to develop inner strength,
the ability to focus and rely on their own resources. Too
much discipline, however, can break a child's spirit; foster
feelings of low self-esteem and create a desire to rebel.
This subtle balance between freedom and discipline can be
established during the family meal. The love, laugher and
shared stories mixed with respect, table manners, sharing
and listening makes for a complete experience, one that will
remain with your child throughout his life.
Melanie Waxman began studying
Oriental medicine in 1980 and went on to specialize in macrobiotic
cooking. She has lived in Portugal, England and America and
has trained cooks from all over the world. Melanie is the
mother of seven children. She has cooked for international
recording stars, fashion designers, doctors, and business
professionals and has helped thousands of others to change
their lifestyle and way of eating. She has written a children's
cook book; Mr. Hoppity's Color Me Cook book for Kids, a series
of self-published12 Cooklets and has recently published Bless
the Baby, a beautifully illustrated book on the natural and
traditional ways a mother can bond with her newborn. Melanie
is also a massage therapist and Feng Shui consultant.