It’s heartbreaking as a parent to see your child suffer the physical and emotional effects of bullying or cyberbullying. And while many parents find it challenging to bring up the topic of bullying without having an awkward moment with their children these conversations are now taking place as many children and families prepare for a return to in-person learning environments in September. If there is a silver lining about the COVID-19 pandemic it is that instances of bullying and cyber bullying related to schools has decreased.
Prior to pandemic shutdowns and according to federal statistics about bullying in the United States, about 20% of students between the ages of 12-18 experience bullying nationwide.
What is Bullying?
Bullying, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education, is defined as any unwanted aggressive behavior (s) by another youth or group of youths, which are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated. It may be physical (i.e. hitting or kicking), verbal (i.e. name-calling or teasing), relational/social (gossip or being left out of the group). Bullying can also take place and be enabled through the use of technology which is called cyberbullying.
You can usually identify bullying through the following three core elements: intent, repetition, and power. The intention of a bully is to cause pain and shame to the victim either through physical harm or hurtful words or behavior. And this practice is done repeatedly. Research has also shown that boys are more likely to experience physical bullying, while a higher percentage of girls are likely to experience psychological and social bullying. It is also more likely to affect the most vulnerable of children.
Tips on How to Respond to Bullying
For parents and families, back-to-school season can bring many emotions, especially when you know your child is experiencing some difficulties fitting in and being accepted in school. The right approach to talking to your child can go a long way in helping them navigate bullying, whether they’re the bully, the bullied, or the bystander.
Here are a few tips to help you guide the discussion with your child.
- Listen to your child openly and without judgment. When your child opens up, it’s natural for you to want to share your thoughts and reactions immediately as the parent. A healthier approach would be to focus on making them feel heard and supported, instead of trying to force your opinions or find the cause of the bullying or even trying to solve the problem. The aim is to create a safe space for your child, so they feel comfortable about turning to you in the future.
- Remind your child that you have been in their shoes. Letting your child know that you have struggled with similar social pressures or feelings that they may be experiencing is essential. But a word of caution here – do not steal the conversation and make it all about you and your experiences – the goal is to relate to your child – to let them know they’re not alone.
- Try to be a support system. Being a supportive parent to your child is essential, especially when dealing with the effects of bullying. It also makes your child feel safe and open up about all aspects of their school life. This will help you channel your energy into supporting instead of pressuring, and it builds their self-confidence.
As a parent, there are extra steps you can take to curb bullying. You can work with your child or family’s schools, connect and network with other parents in your child’s class or school to form ‘classroom watch’ groups and even meet and speak to local policymakers to regularly change policies to prevent and address bullying and to ensure that your child’s school environment is actively practicing a zero tolerance, anti-bullying program. These extra acts of service go a long way in keeping your child and every child safe on the schoolyard and make the experience of returning to school and in-person learning safe and connective.