Topic: "Black Gold, Texas Tea"
The last documented sighting of an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker took place before Frodo was born (it also occurred before the end of his Mother's first trimester, but that is a subject for another time). Last year, after a reported sighting, a team of scientists took off for the Atchafalaya River Basin in Louisiana to verify the existence of a creature believed to be extinct. That unsuccessful expedition has been supplemented by the documented sighting last month in the Cache River Wilderness in Eastern Arkansas.
Frodo has often thought about hiding places. When he was in school, roads leading away from the Shire were designated as "emergency escape routes" in the event of an atomic bomb threat. Today, those same roads are parking lots from one end to the other, and the solutions of fifty years ago now fall to the new, improved Department of Homeland Security. The collective future is quite bleak, even with duct tape and cellophane. If Frodo were an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, he could fly to some remote location in search of refuge, but where?
The Atchafalaya Basin of Louisiana was a logical choice, until Huey Long built elevated roadways, allowing Texans to escape their little bit of living Hell. They brought their guns, their gas-guzzlers, and their children without necks to every available spit of dry land. No Ivory-Billed Woodpecker in his right mind would tarry in that vicinity.
Eastern Arkansas was a logical choice, basically because nobody ever heard of the place until some "red state partisan" started complaining about skullduggery at something called "Whitewater." Soon the area slipped back into anonymity, and that allowed the Ivory-Billed Woodpecker to set up housekeeping and commencing a search for ants, caterpillars, and other Ivory-Billed Woodpeckers who would not offend the sanctity of Marriage.
There remains a concern, however, and it involves those morons from Texas. It seems we've developed a shortage of fossil fuels, and we haven't felt sufficient priority to develop replaceable alternatives. Nearly every Wildlife refuge within spitting distance apparently sits atop a geologically undisturbed quart of crude oil. Our gallant leader, who just happens to hail from Texas, doesn't seem worried about the threat to a bird of any kind.
"Bird? Boy, we got birds all over Texas. There's Lady Bird, and there's Lynda Bird, and all sorts of birds, and we've drilled all over the place, and they don't seem at all bothered by the oil rigs."
Sigh, life would've been so much better today if the Alamo had been in Vancouver. Bush would be President of Canada.