• generally addresses the task; the format may be inappropriate in places
• (A) recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview; there may be no data to support the description
• (GT) may present a purpose for the letter that is unclear at times; the tone may be variable and sometimes inappropriate
• presents, but inadequately covers, key features/ bullet points; there may be a tendency to focus on details
Coherence and cohesion
• presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression
• makes inadequate, inaccurate or overuse of cohesive devices
• may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
• uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
• may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses only a limited range of structures
• attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
• may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
Hello, welcome to SmartPigai.
You have made a good response to the topic. Your introduction is well established. It clearly defines the thesis and relates well with what is expected in the main body. The thesis statement has been well developed.
The main body and conclusion have been well developed. The views have been supported by good examples. However, you need to review the presentation of your views in the main body paragraphs. It is important that you put the view to be discussed in the first sentence of the paragraph. For example, the main idea in the second paragraph is that a foreign language helps relate with other nationals at an era when international trade is at its peak. However, the idea is somewhere far in the middle of the paragraph yet it should have been in the first sentence. This helps avoid being wordy. What you put first should have come as an explanation and back up of the main idea.
There is need of addressing the grammar errors. These have affected some parts of the essay. These, mostly one word errors, can be rectified with careful proofreading.
--- Review your use of articles. Any word that starts with a vowel sound should take on "an" not "a". For example, "an" is required before "increasingly" in the introduction not "a". In the second paragraph, "the" should not be used before "English exam". This is because it makes the "exam" specific or known. It is a general idea and thus "an" is required.
--- Be mindful of the tenses and use of prepositions. Refer to the comments for more advice.
You can write a better essay if you address these grammar errors.
Try to use more diversified sentence structures and a wide range of vocabulary too.
Hope to see you again at SmartPigai=)
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