The following was written by a 12- year-old girl with NVLD. It was part of a school assignment.
Person vs. Person
Me vs. Me
Social Problems: A problem not solved
My conflict is very serious and has been going on for a long time. It is about my problems talking with other children. I will be left with no friends and will have no friend to talk to in school. It will leave me very lonesome. I strongly hope this will be solved.
I have a very difficult time talking and speaking up at recess. I always stand by a group of girls talking and say nothing.
I feel like I am invisible. My voice is locked up and so is my mind with no words to say. I always think to myself whether I should or shouldn’t speak up, but I always choose not to.
I figure what I will say might be something stupid, strange or off topic. Sometimes I walk around in circles because I am too afraid to even go over to the group and talk to them.
I also don’t want to go over to them because it will probably seem like I am following them, leaving them uncomfortable and awkward. Usually I think if I go over to their group they will walk away. Many times at recess I cry. When I do that they think I am too sensitive.
This makes their posse against me because I just stand there, like a shadow. I know that they haven’t done anything wrong. I always say to myself: “They don’t like you” and “They think you’re dumb.” I also think whenever they laugh it’s about me, but I really hear my name because I am so worried what they think of me. I wish that I could be the kind of person who doesn’t care what other people think about them and be myself. I know if I do that people will like me and someday want to be my friend.
Right now I still think the same thing. I try to stop, but it is so hard. My attitude has not changed at all. It is extremely difficult to avoid this scrimmage between me and myself. This conflict happened because I care way too much what other kids think of me. I try to be more like them and not like me. I am never sincere with myself and what I believe in. I hope all of this will change and I will someday have many friends.