We adults want to see calm and tranquility in our children, for them to learn to be a pool of oil and to be aware of their emotions in order to control them. But we forget one important thing: to look in the mirror and realize that we are the first ones in charge of controlling emotions and teaching our children to be a pool of oil, and not just to demand it.
It is also true that there are many situations in life that without realizing it make us feel uneasy, such as when we worry that our children will not make friends at school, when we realize that they are nervous about an exam… And our role is undoubtedly to reassure them, we tell them that everything will be fine. But you keep worrying, and it’s the most normal thing in the world.
Having a child with anxiety
If you have a child who is anxious about any subject and you feel exasperated, Helpless and even exhausted, you must know that hope is the last thing to be lost. Don’t give up on finding an appropriate way to reach your child. Instead of focusing on the ultimate goal of reducing anxiety, start with a small, powerful step: build an empathic connection with your child.
If there are situations that make you feel tired and even angry about trying to help your child with anxiety, write on a piece of paper your child’s three greatest strengths .Think and write down three examples where your child recently used their strengths and keep that piece of paper with you at all times. Every time you see your child having anxiety about a particular situation, then you will need to follow some of the strategies that I am going to explain below.
Strategies for your child to learn to be calm
The fast food rule: listen and repeat
This rule is simple and was developed by author Harvey Karp. It reminds us that when we go to a fast food restaurant and ask for a meal that they offer us, once we ask for it they always repeat the same order when ordering it, for example:
You: Give me a burger and some fries
Shopkeeper: So, do you want a burger and some fries?
This way, when someone repeats what we’re saying, we feel heard and respected and an immediate connection is built. In this sense, before desperately looking for a solution to the problem that causes the child to suffer anxiety, it is better to listen to him and repeat again what he is expressing to us . In this way, you will be validating their feelings and your children will feel much more understood and respected.
Be the calm you want to see in your child: keep silent
Making this decision is very important in the life of your children. It is a powerful way to respond to their actions, listen carefully and quietly to your child. After he has explained to you what is bothering him – even if it was crying or yelling – keep quiet. When the time is right, then tell him that you listen to him and that you are by his side, hug him and give him the love he needs to feel comfort.
Children are very intuitive and can feel your energy and mimic your behaviors. Don’t underestimate the ripple effect these micro-moments of calm can have on your child’s well-being. Silence, calm, will be able to cultivate in your child -and spread it- the feeling of peace and tranquility.
Remember that it is also important that you work on slow breathing with your child so that they feel even more calm and calm. the serenity within it.