NYU’s own Anthropology department is making international headlines this morning after publishing a groundbreaking paper detailing the discovery of a new hominid species.
The research team, led by renowned evolutionary anthropologist Prof. Margaret Boas, began investigating after receiving numerous reports of Neanderthal-like creatures gathering at weekly campus NYU Republicans meeting.
“Within minutes of us setting up our observation station, we saw our first specimen,” explained field assistant Ruth Malinowski, showing reporters pictures of NYU Republicans President Hugh Geracist.
Scientists safely tranquilized the creature from a distance before collecting various DNA samples, which were taken back to the lab and analyzed.
“We were very surprised by our findings,” said Boas. “Despite its troglodytic behavior and apparent intelligence level, we really were expecting Homo sapiens DNA. Instead we’ve stumbled upon a whole new species — Homo phobics.”
The American Museum of Natural History is already designing its new exhibit, but at press time, there was no confirmed opening date.