The way we talk to ourselves affects the way we think about ourselves and ultimately the way we interact with the world around us. For example let's say that there is a shy person who wishes they could befriend others a little more easily. Their self-talk about this particular issue sounds something like this "I wish I could be more outgoing, but I can't because I'm too shy... I think I'm a good person, but other people don't get a chance to see that because I'm so quiet... I want to ask so-and-so to hang out but it will probably be too awkward because I don't know how to carry a conversation."
While it's important to be aware of who you are and your natural characteristics, it's equally important to be sure that your thoughts about yourself are not self defeating. The person I described is probably not going to put themselves in situations where they will be introduced to new people. They are probably not going to feel comfortable coming out of their shell because they have already resigned themselves to the idea that they are too quiet.
Now imagine that instead they begin to tell themselves that they are outgoing, friendly and chatty. Essentially they begin to tell themselves that they have characteristics that don't line up with who they feel themselves to be. The idea here is to fake it until you make it. While it works well for some people, most people may find this route to be a struggle. Why? Because when this person tells themselves that they are outgoing, their subconscious mind says "Nope...remember that time when you practically fainted before giving a presentation? Remember that time when you stuttered when trying to talk to that person you liked?" Their subconscious already has a huge frame of reference for why identifying as outgoing is false, and kicks that thought to the curb.
So, instead of taking it to the extreme, perhaps change would be more forthcoming if they changed their self-talk to things that are close enough to the truth that their subconscious accepts it. An example of this would be "I might be shy, but people care about what I have to say... I am approachable and warm, even though I'm quiet... My presence is significant and enjoyable to be around. "In managing their self-talk this way they are recognizing that they aren't a social butterfly but that they can still have meaningful relationships. They are embracing who they are and focusing on the value they bring to people around them. Their shyness is no longer an obstacle to developing confidence.
So next time you are trying to make a change in your life, begin by considering the way you think about yourself. If your self-talk is misaligned with your goals, write out ways that you can change your thought pattern and remember to keep away from making changes that are too extreme are too removed from who you are.