Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats.
Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.
Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.
Bare Boat - Clothing Optional.
Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are `bow sea' (waves striking from the front), `following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and `quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction).
Berth - a little addition to the crew.
Boat ownership. Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar bills
Boom - sometimes the result of a surprise jibe.
Boom - Called boom for the sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat. For slow crew, it's called `boom, boom.'
Bottom Paint - what you get when the cockpit seats are freshly painted.
Calm - Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage.
Chart - a type of map which tells you exactly where you are aground.
Clew - an indication from the skipper as to what he might do next.
Companionway - a double berth.
Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to.
Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations.
Crew - Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.
Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desire destination, or towards a hazard
Dead Reckoning - a course leading directly to a reef.
Deadrise - getting up to check the anchor at 0300.
Deviation - any departure from the Captainís orders.
Dinghy - the sound of the shipís bell.
Displacement - when you dock your boat and canít find it later.
Estimated Position - a place you have marked on the chart where you are sure you are not.
First Mate - crew member necessary for skippers to practice shouting instructions to.
Flashlight - Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal
Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try.
Foul Wind - breeze produced by flying turkey.
Freeboard - food and liquor supplied by the owner.
Gybe - A common way to get unruly guests off your boat.
Headway - what you are making if you canít get the toilet to work.
Head up - Leaving the boat toilet seat up. When boat skipper is female, leaving the head up is a serious offense
Heave-Ho - what you do when youíve eaten too much Ho.
Jack Lines - `Hey baby, want to go sailing?'
Jibe - either you like it or you donít and it gets you.
Keel - term used by 1st mate after too much heel by skipper.
Ketch - A sailboat with good wine in the cabin
Landlubber - anyone on board who wishes he were not.
Latitude - the number of degrees off course allowed a guest.
Mast - religious ritual used before setting sail.
Mizzen - an object you canít find.
Motor Sailer - A sailboat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems, and with some booze in the cabin.
Noserly - What to call the wind direction when it comes from where you're going
Ram - an intricate docking maneuver sometimes used by experienced skippers.
Rhumb Line - two or more crew members waiting for a drink.
Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense.
Schooner - A sailboat with a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the cabin
Sheet - cool, damp, salty night covering.
Shroud - equipment used in connection with a wake.
Starboard - special board used by skippers for navigation (usually with "Port" on the opposite side.)
Swell - a wave thatís just great.
Square Rigger - a rigger over 30.
Sloop - A sailboat with beer and/or wine in the cabin.
Tack Ė A maneuver the skipper uses when telling the crew what they did wrong without getting them mad.
Yawl - A sailboat from Texas, with some good bourbon stored down yonder in the cabin
Zephyr - Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts.
Starboard and Port
Sell your Sailboat to Africa!
Grandpa's Funny Pages
Page 2: Sell your Sailboat to Africa!
Page 3: American based scams
Page 4: Boat for sale scam
Page 5: Room for Rent scam
Page 6: Motorhome for sale scam
Page 7: I've lost my wallet and need your loan!
Page 8: Give me your PIN number, I already have your credit card number.
Page 9: How to accept payment for your boat without getting scammed