From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Icelanders, in fact some of my best friends are from Iceland, but I think they have only themselves to blame for this anti-Icelandic sentiment.”
“Don't forget that most wars have been started by people who claim they've found Cod.”
Anti-Icelandic sentiment is opposition or hostility toward the government, culture, or people of Iceland. Anti-Icelandic sentiment is found in every country including Iceland itself. In fact, recent polls suggest that as many as 91.6% of the world's population harbour some kind of grudge against an Icelandic person or Iceland as a whole. MAI (Mothers Against Iceland) is the most popular group for particularly staunch anti-Icelanders, although other organisations exist, such as SHIT (Show Hate for Icelandic Traditions), PUTIN (Parents United for the Termination of Icelandic Nationals) and NAMBLA.
Throughout history, there have been many cases of anti-Icelandic sentiment. From God's purposeful (and just) starvation and ill-treatment of Icelanders for much of Iceland's history, to almost universal hatred of Bjork and her music today, anti-Icelandic sentiment is so common that many scientists from a range of fields have begun to theorize that the word 'Iceland' itself inspires a hatred of genetic origin in people. To be fair, it is a pretty ugly word. Some specialists are even considering capitalizing every word in the phrase, turning it into an actual 'thing'.
The first definite instance of Iceland-hatred was, in fact, the name of very first Norseman to set foot on Icelandic
sand puffin-infested cliff-face: he was called Naddoddr, and by having a silly name predestined by God, sealed the country's fate forever on that fateful day in 860 AD. From then on, a series of people with funnily-spelt names turned up on the hunk of ice and volcanic rock south-east of Greenland - most notably Flóki (867 AD), Karli (874 AD) and Þissðick Fæsánus (2617 ARJ).
More physical cases of anti-Icelandic sentiment began to appear in the late 11th century, when a bunch of lost Norwegians landed on the island and, having an instictive repulsion of the place, found the nearest Icelandic children available and hilariously defecated on their pathetic little faces. Other, similarly (and unfortunately) minor, events occurred once every decade or so until 1627, when Algerian pirates decided that the population of Iceland was far too high to be considered acceptable and promptly kidnapped 1200 Icelanders over a course of two slave-capturing raids. God decided to get in on the fun and waited until 1707 for the population to grow a little, and subsequently killed one third of the populants of the island through small pox and another fifth of what was left in 1783 through volcano-famine. I sure wish I could have played a part in the extermination of the fuckers.
Still, though, the Icelanders remained, powered by an appallingly high literacy rate and bananas grown in geothermal greenhouses, and they have done so right up to this day. Luckily, their arrogant will to survive has led to isolation, degradation and a stupider alphabet than everyone else's.
edit Possible causes
There are several theories that try to explain the existence of anti-Icelandic behaviour:
- Foreign policy. Iceland is known never to invade or coup other countries, or criticizing or lecturing foreign governments. This minding-their-own-business is considered stand-offish by some and extremely arrogant by many.
- Iceland encourages foreigners to invest in their high paying bank accounts and then lies about how safe it is. They offer depositors protection and then take it away just before the bank collapses. Iceland has no regard for people other than its own people.
- Some have pointed out that the shape of Iceland, resembling a lobster that has been ran over by a van and then crapped on by a whore with explosive diarrhoea, looks ridiculous. Also, Swedes tend to believe that the shape of their country has caused penis envy amongst Icelanders.
- Some Icelandic nationalists have pointed out that anti-Icelandic sentiments may be caused by jealousy. Other countries allegedly envy Iceland's beautiful scenery, fabulous Gay Pride marches, and their habit of eating of fermented whale organs and singed sheep heads.
- The use of ð and þ in the Icelandic alphabet have caused irritation amongst people who export computer keyboards to Iceland.
- Failure to join the EU or ratify the Hague conventions. Jesus Christ, I have no idea what they're doing on that one. What are they playing at? Are they going to declare themselves part of North America, or what? It's just another example of their goddamn bloody-mindedness.
- Environmental organizations have accused the Icelandic government of not doing enough against the emission of poisonous greenhouse gasses from the country's volcanoes.
- Tree-hugging hippies also often find the hilariously backward tradition of whale hunting abominable, even though the minke whales Icelanders capture are a source of wonderfully soft fur and the staple foodstuff of most of the Icelandic population. Also the general lack of trees piss them off.
- Some groups find fault with Iceland's policy of immediately feeding all non-white visitors (excluding East Asians) to their cod. It is common Icelandic knowledge that non-whites are unhealthy and often carry disease, apart from the Thai, who they let into the country as long as they open mediocre takeaway restaurants. Hypocrites.
- Setting off their volcanoes on purpose to disrupt poor innocent European travellers who have never done anything to Iceland and are using their last pennies (which thankfully they did not put into Icesave) to have a good holiday.
edit Anti-Icelandic condiments
It is a common misconception that anti-Icelandic sentiments and anti-Icelandic condiments are one and the same. This often-quoted factoid is, in fact, completely false, although the two things are related. Anti-Icelandic condiments are sauces that are, according to the Encyclopedia Brittania, 'diametrically opposed to Iceland, the beliefs and traditions held by its people and its stupidly cold so-called "summers"'. Most condiments, including mustard, mayonnaise and semen, are considered to be anti-Iceland, evidence of the aforementioned statement including the absence of a single outbreak of any of these diseases on the cod-surrounded volcano-fest. Ketchup and cocktail sauce are, however, prevalent on the Icelandic mainland, mainly in restaurants devoid of food with any flavour, and is also the reason why I avoid the traitor that is ketchup when I can.
- ↑ I mean, seriously. TWO instances of TWO 'D's next to each other in the same word? He's gotta have one helluva grudge giving that guy a name like that.
- ↑ I ate one once. It was disgusting. Believe me, don't ever go near any of those unnatural freaks of nature.
- ↑ Jesus, man, there are 300,000 of them around now! We gotta do something, you know?
- ↑ No, really, there is not a single black person on that rock.