Preschoolers: Connecting & Communicating
Your preschooler has a job learning how to deal with her emotions and developing her social skills.
Love is what we all want most of the time, often without even realising it. Young children want love even more and, by connecting with them, we show them how much we love them. You can connect with your preschooler by spending time together and giving lots of cuddles.
How to connect and communicate with your preschooler
- Really tune in to what your child is trying to say. Notice the emotions behind it.
- Make regular time to communicate with her in your own special way. Even two minutes every half hour makes a difference.
- Be available. When they come to you, try to drop everything to talk – it is likely they only really need your undivided attention for a minute or two.
- Get down to her level. Kneeling or squatting down next to her is a very powerful tool for communicating positively with preschoolers. By looking her in the eye, you can avoid a lot of conflict. It allows you to tune in to what she might be feeling or thinking, and she is less likely to feel exasperated.
- Active listening helps preschoolers cope with their young emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can't express themselves well enough verbally. When you repeat back to them what you think they are feeling, it helps to relieve some of their tension and makes them feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
- Be patient. Try to let her finish her sentences before interrupting, no matter how meandering they might be.
- Read to her and tell stories. Picture books help children learn about language.
- Always be honest. Children are brighter than many of us think. When we lie to them, we lose their trust.
Your preschooler is probably bursting with things to tell you. Her improved language skills mean she can describe what she feels and sees.
This is the age for incredible life observations that come out of the blue, like 'Fish have scales so they can weigh themselves' and 'I had a bug in my tummy one time - it was a cockroach'. You can scribble your preschooler's gorgeous sayings into a special book – they'll amuse you both one day.
Read some more about talking and listening with your preschooler.
Preschoolers are trying hard to understand the world, people and how they fit in. They understand more and more complex concepts. They are curious about everything. This leads to a lot of 'why' questions. For example, 'Okay, time for lunch.' 'But why?'; 'There's a lizard!' 'But why?' You may also get 'Why is the sky blue?', 'Why am I four?', 'Why is this sand?'.
They will appreciate your patience answering their curly questions. If you don't know the answer, it's okay to be honest. Also, playing dumb and asking, 'What do you think?' can help them develop their problem-solving skills.
They are also developing a sense of humour. This may mean being a bit cheeky or repeating things that aren't funny. Gentle explanations of what is and is not appropriate will help them with this.
Using words to help her manage emotions
Between three and five, your child is learning how to manage strong emotions and social skills. Developing these skills will be very important for school. They will help her cope with emotional changes and frustration. They will teach her to be hopeful, to control extreme emotions and to show compassion and empathy. They are important ingredients for success in life.
You can help guide her through this emotional time. Help her learn to express her emotions in a way that is socially acceptable. When she is angry, encourage her to translate her anger into words. Anger is an important human emotion and if she can learn how to express it, it helps her control it and develops her language.
When your child feels let down, you may help her to understand that people make mistakes, that things break, fall apart or don't work out. To make sure you understand her feelings, practise active listening (see above).
Your child will be no expert at controlling her angry feelings. For help in dealing with this, read about talking through angry feelings.
Preschoolers are prone to strong fears of the dark, animals, monsters, robbers, storms, school and many other unexpected things. Take their fears seriously and it will be easier to convince them that monsters are not real. If you can teach them the difference between fact and fiction, videos and real life, this will help. It also helps if they don't watch scary cartoons or TV before bedtime. Explaining why things happen can ease fears. For example, you could explain why thunder and lightening happen (if you're up on your science!).
You can sometimes walk in your child's shoes and see the world from her point of view. To aid your preschooler's confidence and self-esteem, remember that she needs about six positive remarks to every one criticism.
To boost her self-esteem, you can:
- Make her feel special (by spending time with her, really listening, answering questions).
- Show her love and affection.
- Give her choices.
- Ask her to help the family with a regular task, like putting out the cutlery at meal times.
Offer her some control over her life. You could let her make some decisions about what to wear or making a gift for her preschool teacher. A child also feels loved and special when you get down to her level and pay attention to what she is saying. When you feel she is old enough, ask her how she feels and ask for her opinions. This helps build self-confidence and teaches her to think about how others feel.