The terms Ambiguous Loss and Disenfranchised Grief describe losses for which there is not a socially acknowledged reason to grieve:
A relationship is not recognised
The loss is hidden or not recognised
Circumstances of the loss are stigmatised
The way we grieve is met with disapproval.
Complicated grief – a loss that triggers an earlier unresolved loss, compounding feelings of betrayal, powerlessness and hurt – then combined with the isolation of experiencing a depth of feelings that is not seen as acceptable. There are no rituals to undertake for closure, there is little social support or validation of legitimate feelings. There is only a societal demand that we get over it immediately.
I send so much love to all of you who are hurting, wailing, longing, fearing, suffering, and falling apart. I acknowledge you, I witness your pain and I speak its name. You are not alone. Leanne Chapman.
Here’s how to treat a grieving person, regardless of their loss, as outlined by writer Tim Lawrence:
Listen. Practice the art of saying nothing. Embrace the power of acknowledgement.
Stay. Don’t run away. Refuse the urge to flee.
Don’t be an asshole.
Spread the word x