i believe i was one of few who went to the theaters to see "luv," the film that showcased the socialization of black men in a very poignant fashion. the movie stirred up in me a very strong emotion and a desire to help bring light to the plight of black men through conversations about how black boys are socialized and what this looks like when they become black men. it's not all bad- but there is certainly room for improvement.
as a part of my vested interest in this (i have a black boy and i LOVE black men), i am seeking every opportunity that i can to allow people to see this film and to have a discussion on the socialization of black boys.
during a recent viewing and conversation with a group of educators in Charlotte the following was revealed (all as a result of what we saw in the film and have experienced in working with and loving black boys and men):
- black boys are taught to be strong, fearless, tough, to show no weakness or emotion.
- black boys are expected to take on adult responsibilities and the role of a man at an early age.
- black boys often experience love in a dysfunctional way, which impacts the way they learn to express love. They don’t know how to express love so they don’t express it at all and many times don’t believe they deserve to receive love.
- black boys will sabotage a relationship before it starts just so they don’t get hurt.
- black boys are taught to value street smarts over book smarts. Education is valued, but being a strong, tough man is valued more.
- black boys are taught to value their appearance.
how their socialization impacts their behavior and relationships:
- black boys often are afraid to try new things because they fear failure. Failure is a sign of weakness and they can’t exhibit weakness.
- black boys often feel defeated and hopeless. (think about common’s comment at the end … “I tried.”)
- black boys are distrustful.
- black boys are defiant.
- black boys are aggressive.
- black boys favor social/appearance over books.
- black boys are strongly influenced by popular culture.
- black boys like to be in control.
- black boys value loyalty.
what can we do to help black men move from a feeling of "i tried," to realizing that they are powerful beyond measure and have everything they need to provide and protect their families AND change the world?