Do you worry too much about others’ opinions? If yes, is it getting you anywhere? No, it only gives you a mistaken sense of reality. Social psychologist Charles Cooley defined the “looking-glass self” phenomenon a century ago saying that it had insecurity at its core. If one relies on it, it weakens his/her self-confidence.
Wanting people to like you: Do you really need it?
- 1. Remind yourself: most people are NOT thinking about you.
If you feel as if they do, it’s only the game of your imagination based on your insecurities and fears. Stop judging yourself, thinking that others judge you. After all, most people have many other things to think about than you.
- 2. Stop valuing external validation.
Recall the situations where your thoughts about others impeded with your life. Retrain your brain to respond differently to other people’s behaviors. It’ll help you think less of other people’s opinions about you.
- 3. Stop wanting to know what others think.
We usually forget that a matter of opinion of others is based on their own experiences and expectations that commonly have nothing to do with us. Even if you have done nothing wrong, others may associate you or your behavior with their past experiences and respond negatively. Do you want to know that they don’t like you only because of their personal associations? Hardly. If you don’t hurt them, who cares about their opinion?
- 4. Focus on what really matters.
You can’t control what others think, but you can control how you see yourself. Therefore, always stick to your values and don’t be afraid of acting right.
- 5. Stop your ‘end of the world’ thinking.
Social perception seems to be an extremely important thing for many. But is it really “the end of the world” if someone rejects you? Even if one does, it doesn’t imply your annihilation. So, stop nurturing your irrational fears. Allow yourself to be upset for awhile and move on, learning from your experience.Remember that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone or go all out trying to make others like you. You’re the only one who can give you fair validation.