Talking to your teenage child about their emotional state can feel like walking into a lion’s den. So how can you best approach the subject? The Reverend Anthony Buckley, Chaplain at Alleyn’s School, Dulwich shares his thoughts
- Prepare the ground with your general approach at home. If you create the gentle spaces, the conversations will happen. It does not have to be you (the parent) who talks to the child and it is fine to show concern but realise your child might want to speak to someone else and not you.
- Remember to give children the space and time to talk.
- Do not say: “I am disappointed” – this is a killer phrase from a parent.
- Do not say: “It was worse in my day”. It wasn’t.
- Respect their worries. If it matters to them, then it matters.
- Ask questions of them. Remember that life as a teenager today is very different from when you were their age – don’t assume.
- Treat others in your family with respect. Your children will be watching how you respond to others before they decide to trust you.
- Avoid saying: “Tell me everything, that is how daughters treat their mothers/sons their fathers”, or any variation on this theme. They may see that as emotional blackmail.
- Keep the conversation between you unless you have their permission (unless there is a risk of danger).
Anthony Buckley is Chaplain Revd at Alleyn’s School, London. He is popular and well-respected as a listener to the children and as an advisor to parents