Do you find yourself so angry with your kids that you are afraid you are going to physically harm them or yell and scream? In the old days, our parents would just slap us or give us a good spanking and walk away feeling like they solved the issue. In today’s world, we know that this is ineffective and inappropriate. One episode of an angry outburst can be overlooked with an apology, but chronic verbal abuse can result in depression, gastrointestinal problems, insomnia and headaches. Your child is dependent on you for their sense of self-worth and name-calling or physical violence leaves a negative impact that can last their entire lives.
Let’s face it, day-to-day family life is complicated and the obstacles we come across can create angry feelings for everyone. These emotions are normal but it’s how we handle them that can cause problems. If you find yourself unable to control your temper and it’s causing a serious unbalance, it’s time to learn new ways to control your reactions to create a more harmonious household. When you find yourself so angry that you know you will regret what you do or say later on, try some of the following anger control strategies for parents:
- Calm yourself down by relaxing with slow, deep breaths.
- Give yourself a time-out and go away from the situation for at least 10 – 20 minutes. This can include taking time to exercise, take a walk outside, draw, listen to music or clean something to help you relax.
- When you have calmed down, explain clearly why you are mad and listen closely to what your child is trying to tell you.
- Don’t point the finger and make generalizations. Avoid comments like “you are always forgetting to finish your homework!
- Acknowledge your child’s attributes.
- Don’t get defensive. Overlook the criticism coming your way.
Realize that it’s natural for even a great parent or caregiver to get angry. Spend some time thinking about what is triggering the parent/child anger? Is it having to drag your child out of bed every morning? Or, trying to find things before you leave the house like soccer shoes, schoolwork or the tennis racket? Instituting a plan to get organized can help you stay on schedule and lower your stress level. Assign a basket in which your child should always put his soccer stuff when he’s done with practice, a place for the racket to hang and start a routine of always putting homework in the backpack when it’s done. Getting a routine in place will alleviate the last minute panic and rage as you are trying to get out of the house on time. Also, take a look at when the particularly sensitive times of day are. Do you always seem to fight on the way home from school or the last hour before bedtime? If you are hungry, stressed or tired, don’t engage! It’s a losing battle, so staying quiet and ignoring your child’s attempts at antagonizing you will benefit everyone in the long run.
Your angry behavior can have long-term effects on your kids. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to model good coping skills. An Online Anger Management Class can help you delve deeper and educate yourself on the most cutting edge techniques and tools to get your emotions under control. It’s an easy way to learn from your personal computer at home whenever you have free time.