Failure has really gotten a bad rap. People run from it, get depressed over it, and drive themselves mercilessly just to steer clear of it.
In youth sports, your child hates to fail. Perhaps he gets depressed when he can’t make his free-throws, or cries in the dugout when he strikes out or beats herself up when she has a bad day digging out volleyball passes.
Somehow, you’ve got to help your child understand that failure is not fatal, and it’s not as horrific as it’s cracked up to be. In fact, he can turn failure upside down by learning from it and becoming a better athlete because of it.
But in order for failure to be a step up instead of a step down, your child has to make a choice.
In his book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, John Maxwell says that every time you fail, you have to make a choice between Taking Responsibility or Making an excuse.
If we respond right to failure by taking responsibility, we can look at our failure and learn from it. As a result, we won’t be as prone to making the same mistake again. However, if we bail out on our responsibility, we don’t examine our failures and don’t learn from them. As a result, we often experience the same failures and losses repeatedly over time.
What Happens When Your Child Doesn’t Accept Responsibility for Failure
When your child–or you for that matter–refuses to accept responsibility for mistakes and failure, a victim mentality starts to develop. We constantly see people with victim mind-sets blaming others for their problems. Athletes blame other athletes, coaches, and officials. Coaches blame coaches, parents, and athletes. Parents blame coaches, other athletes, and the officials.
Blaming others is an easy out for failures. Admitting mistakes is hard. But if you child continually refuses to accept responsibility for failure, he will develop a victim mindset. And the danger of the victim mindset is that it causes people to focus on what they cannot do instead of what they can do. It’s a recipe for continued failure.
A victim mindset leaves no room for learning from mistakes because a victim doesn’t want to admit failures; he or she wants to put the blame on someone else. Your child will never become a better athlete if he is constantly blaming instead of looking at his own shortcomings.
What Happens When Your Child Does Accept Responsibility for Failure? Accepting responsibility opens the door for your child to learn from mistakes. And that is the only way he will get better at what he does.
Tips for Helping Your Child Learn From Failure
- It starts with you. Show your kids what it looks like to accept responsibility, admit mistakes, and look for answers. Kids learn teachability by watching you.
- Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his actions. Learning how to handle negative natural consequences is a start to taking responsibility for your actions.
- Explain to your child how his actions affect others. If your child realizes his actions have hurt a sibling’s feelings, disappointed you or let down his coach or teammates, he might be more likely to take responsibility for what he has done wrong.
“I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed”
Basketball legend Michael Jordan knows the value of failure. He tried out for the high school varsity basketball team as a sophomore and didn’t make it. But that only motivated him to work harder on the junior varsity team. which resulted in several 40-point games.
In his case, failure was a stepping stone to greatness. And it can be for your child too if he learns how to turn failure upside down.
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