Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone — that is, a person from any country, religion, sexuality, gender, social background or culture.
It can also happen in any relationship, including with:
None of these people has the right to hurt you or make you live in fear.
Domestic and family violence can involve behaviour that:
People who use this kind of violence are sometimes called 'perpetrators of violence'.
Domestic and family violence involves a pattern of abusive behaviour that aims to scare and control you. The words 'pattern of control' or 'pattern of coercion and control' are often used to describe this kind of violence.
Patterns of control can take different forms in different relationships. In some relationships, stopping you from taking medicine you need is a pattern of control. Someone threatening to kill or hurt themselves when you try to leave the relationship might be part of a pattern of control. If you have a disability and access support, taking away that support in order to control you is another example of a pattern of control.
It is never OK for someone in a relationship to:
These are only some things that domestic and family violence may involve. There are many others. If anyone is making you feel scared, worried or unsafe, it is OK to ask for help.
Finding out that someone you know is being hurt is always hard. Perhaps you want to help but don't know what to do. The good news is that there are simple things you can do that can make a big difference.
When someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence the way you talk and listen to them makes all the difference. You may be worried about doing the wrong thing, but it is important to know that it is OK to say something. Many people are glad to have the chance to talk about what they are going through.
When someone is experiencing violence they often feel trapped and out of control. These feelings can be made worse if you try to force them to do what you think is best. It is very important that people are supported to make their own choices, as they are ready.
Here are some ways you can help:
People experiencing domestic or family violence may:
A person whose behaviour is violent or abusive may:
In the end, the only way to be sure there is a problem is to ask. This might feel hard, but there are things you can do to make it easier.
You may be worried that the person experiencing the violence will get angry, upset or won’t want to talk. This may be the case, but often people are glad to be able to talk about what is happening.
Pick a quiet time to talk, when the violence isn’t happening. Let the person talk at their own pace, don’t push them to say more than they feel ready to.
If the person you are talking to doesn’t react in the way you hoped, don’t take it personally. Let it go for now, but let them know you are there if they need you.
It’s better to talk to them about the things you’ve noticed that make you worried, than to give your opinion.
You can try some questions like:
Give them the chance to speak in private. Be prepared to listen, but don’t force them to speak if they are not ready.
Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone. It occurs in all races, religions and genders. It can be experienced by people with a lot of money or those living in poverty, by people who are in an intimate relationship and those who are not. However, domestic and family violence is most often committed by men against women.
People belonging to certain groups or communities may experience higher rates of domestic and family violence than others. Some people can also experience forms of violence specific to a part of their culture, identity or situation. They may also experience unique challenges in finding support or leaving a violent situation. Affected people may include:
Different groups and communities also have higher rates of different types of violence. Some people belong to more than one group, which creates a unique set of risks for them. There are a range of services in Australia that offer specialist support for people with unique risks when it comes to sexual assault, domestic and family violence. You can get more information about the sorts of services available to you at our Services overview page. You can also visit our Service directory for local services that can support you.
Click on the headings below to read more about the unique risks faced by different groups.