History is full of instances where family members have killed one another for wealth, power or out of sheer envy. But the most common murder among all such cases has been fratricide…
When news reports suggested that the Chadha brothers — Ponty and Hardeep — had perhaps not killed each other, but been the victim of a third party’s bullets, one felt a strange sense of relief. The idea of fratricide disturbs and threatens to disrupt the basic values we build our lives on! For that matter equally disturbing is sororicide (killing a sister), filicide (killing one’s child), patricide (killing one’s father) or matricide (killing one’s mother). All murders are horrendous and unnatural, but these are unbelievable! Even as I write, a 16-year-old in Haryana has killed her mother because she wouldn’t allow her to marry her 23-year-old lover! If your own flesh-and-blood cannot be depended upon, who else would you trust?
And yet of all these cases, however horrific they may be, fratricide has always been the most common. Brother killing a brother, or for that matter, many brothers, was the basis of many an empire in history. Fratricide is reported as the first type of murder in human history by the Bible and the Quran. Of the two sons of Adam and Eve, Cain was the first human born and also the first murderer who killed his brother Abel, the first human to die. Mughal emperors routinely killed their brothers in their fight for the throne; King Asoka too killed all his brothers. It was an established practice in the Ottoman Empire to kill all the Sultan’s brothers as soon as he produced a male heir. Rome was founded after Romulus killed his brother Remus.
Shakespeare’s Hamlet is the story of a young prince demented by his father’s murder by his brother Claudius, who then marries the king’s widow. Money, power or romantic liaisons have been the cause, and jealousy the motivating factor behind cases of fratricide. If in barbarian times, kings killed to get their way, today in ostensibly more civilized times, rich businessmen cut each other out and break off ties with brothers in a more restrained manner, until an incident like Ponty-Hardeep strips the civilized veneer to expose the fundamental emotions that still rage within.
Brother killing brother is a parent’s worst nightmare, and yet it is parents who are responsible for laying the foundation of the relationship siblings share as they grow up. What parents do to promote harmony, and to discourage sibling rivalry, is vital to how sibling relationships will play out later. Parents need to be aware that they have to play an active role to this end, and not just let relationships drift! Feelings of insecurity and jealousy are natural amongst siblings. An insensitive and unthinking response from parents can tilt the balance to a lifetime of rivalry and dislike. Scolding and humiliating one child for hurting or showing down a sibling will only entrench such behaviour. It is better to understand the child’s insecurity and address the issue by giving equal time and importance to both children.
Sometimes in order to inculcate discipline, parents compare one child to another, which is unforgivable! Never praise a child at the expense of another. Children should be taught to respect each other’s differences, strengths and weaknesses and actively taught anger management. Inculcate family values, the importance of togetherness and loving each other. They should be told that friends may come and go, but siblings are forever and a great support system when things go wrong. Children should be taught to stand up for each other and to share in each other’s successes and failures.
Introduce certain family practices such as dinner together at the same table, celebrating festivals together, praying together or a nightly family gossip session. It could be something as simple as a drive for ice cream every Sunday, or sitting around a bonfire on winter weekend nights, or playing scrabble, dumb charades, chess, whatever! Habits die hard and these moments of togetherness are what cement love and relationships in later years. In moments of stress between siblings, an old habit or memory could help bring back the shared warmth and love of childhood.
Especially for privileged families, it is very important to teach children values that too much money and power may lead them to forget in the later years. They have to be taught at an early age that they have special duties and responsibilities because they are privileged. Children must be taught the importance of giving back and sharing. Being made aware of the lesser-privileged classes and the importance of charity work is important to keep them grounded. Parents must be especially careful to drive home to children the importance of love and relationships and the transience of life and material possessions; of the criticality of keeping in touch with one’s own true self, and being true to your loved ones as well!
If the grounding and values are solid and the foundation for a deep affection strong, how can a brother even think of killing a brother for something as transient as wealth or power?
It’s Your Life — Best of O-zone by Vinita Dawra Nangia. Available at leading bookstores and shopping.indiatimes.com. Or call 8010058888/8010558888. for doorstep delivery