A Brief History
As one of the original authors of the rough rough draft of the Declaration of Independence, Fuzzy B. Lumpkin laid the foundation for what would one day become the greatest nation on Earth.
It was in the face of overwhelming British force at the Battle of Bunker Hill that he realized a tenacious and well armed population was the best deterrent to authoritarian rule. Throughout the course of human history it has always been but with rare exception that might makes right.
Unlike their loyalist counterparts – the equivalent of the modern day social justice warrior – Blumpkin and the rest of the Founding Fathers decided that freedom was the birthright of every American. They believed that right wasn’t granted to you by the governing class and predicated on their goodwill but something that was innate and ensured by the willingness of the people to preserve it.
Despite the best efforts of those loyal to the crown, Lumpkin spread this message of defiance throughout the colonies. In 1777 this culminated in one of the most notorious events of the American Revolution. Following the Battle of Staten Island, Lumpkin was sent to New York as an envoy to negotiate the release of captured American officers. It was before British General Henry Clinton and a court full of loyalists that Fuzzy B. Lumpkin received the first of what would eventually become his namesake.
Lumpkin arrived in New York hoping for diplomatic resolution with Clinton, offering him an exchange of imprisoned British and American officers. Anticipating the unwillingness of Clinton, Lumpkin had previously arranged for a British housekeeper by the name of Jane Baddeley to assist him in what would become the pot-shot heard ’round the world!
This triggered Henry Clinton who then immediately declared New York a safe space. Within weeks, the British passed the Blumpkin Act (blumpkin being a common mispronunciation of his name), prohibiting any such provocative or offensive behavior from happening again in the future. The punishment? Sensitivity training.
Americans took delight in British temper tantrums and it is widely considered the pivotal moment that tipped the scales of public support in favor of the revolution. In addition to a surge in enlistment for both the Continental Army and the militia, patriots from Massachusetts Bay all the way down to Savannah joined the cause. Regular blumpkins, reverse, upside down, group blumpkins, even the Fuzzy Blumpkin – which is a blumpkin while you’re getting a haircut – became a popular form of public protest.
No longer feeling that the American colonies were a safe space, British morale evaporated and the war for American freedom was eventually won. And the rest, as they say, is history.
In the spirit of our founder, Fuzzy B. Lumpkin, we are determined to keep society honest and ensure that every American citizen is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of property.
- Preserving the right to free speech.
- Supporting the right to keep and bear arms.
- Recognizing those individuals that embrace these ideas.
- Triggering those that do not. Wherever they may be.
- And – when necessary – invading their safe space.
TheBlumpkin.com will be the alternative to social media echo chambers. A variety of political opinions are welcome here – just not Social Justice Warriors. If you can’t make a distinction between the two: