Let Them Fight Their Own Battles
You may feel that, rightly or wrongly, you should always take your child’s side in any dispute. But becoming involved in friendship issues or dashing to the school to confront the teacher about perceived unfair treatment could be doing your child a disservice. “Every time you jump in to save a child, you’re keeping him from becoming resilient,” says clinical psychologist and former teacher Sally-Anne McCormack, who is also a mother of four. “Learning how to respond and negotiate during disputes is a necessary skill, which is why sibling rivalry can also be healthy, as long as it’s equal and nobody is getting hurt”.
Help Them With Their Homework - But Make Sure It's All Their Work
Every parent wants good grades for their child but polishing, correcting, or even worse, doing the entire thing yourself, is wrong for so many reasons. Your child will learn nothing valuable from the experience and you shouldn’t kid yourself – the teacher will know immediately who did the work. “For a teacher, this is incredibly frustrating,” says Sally-Anne. “In the early years of my career I didn’t say anything to parents who did their kids’ homework but I soon learned to ask them to please stop doing it. The message it sends to children is that they’re not good enough, that they can’t do it on their own.” Better to use a difficult assignment or homework task as a teaching opportunity at home, she adds, and if it’s really too difficult, encourage your child to ask the teacher for help or clarification.
Be Realistic With Your Praise
Your child’s painting, poem, or drawing might be good, but is it really incredibly amazing? It is possible to go overboard when praising children. Even though you may think it encourages them to go on to bigger and better achievements, new research suggests it can actually have the opposite effect on children with low self-esteem. Scientists in the US recently found that inflated praise decreases challenge-seeking in these children. The authors say it makes children believe they’re expected to meet the high standard they have set for themselves and some become fearful of new challenges in case they don’t do as well next time. Experts say praising children for things like effort, determination and persistence – rather than intelligence or ability – encourages them to take on new tasks without worrying about making mistakes.
Resist The Urge To Be The Delivery Man
Dashing to school with stuff your child has neglected to take with them might keep them out of trouble today but won’t do them any favours in the long run. Letting children fall or fail is difficult for any parent but research shows that children learn by making mistakes and facing the natural consequences. “Unless there are dire consequences, it is best that the parent fight this urge and leave the child to face the consequences of forgetting their stuff. This gives them the opportunity to learn from mistakes,” says Dr Lim. “All that said, there is no need to be punitive towards the child as well. Your effort is best spent on working with the child on strategies to organise his work better and start a routine of checking his schoolbag the evening before to ensure that he has everything he needs.”
Let Your Child Feel Disappointed Sometimes
You know your child has the right stuff to play the lead in any stage production, but if he tried out and didn’t get the part, resist the urge you jump in and cry foul. “Ask yourself if complaining will help the child in any way,” says Dr Lim Boon Leng, Consultant Psychiatrist from Dr BL Lim Centre For Psychological Wellness. “If parents are seen as being difficult, it may jeopardise the child’s chances further. It will also deprive the child of the opportunity to learn how to cope with disappointments and adversities. And this will not benefit the child in the long run,” he stresses.