Sandwich Recognition Disorder or SRD is a serious personality disorder recognized by the American Medical Association. Its symptoms include:
- Inability to decipher between sandwiches and other foodstuffs
- The desire to describe all foodstuffs as sandwiches
- A tendency to describe food items like Spaghetti and Marinara as “deconstructed sandwiches.”
- A libertine, anything-goes attitude toward sandwiches and other foodstuffs
To be clear, a sandwich is is a flat or flat-ish conveyance for meats, veggies, fruits, condiments, and cheeses. These items must be…sandwiched between two bready substances.
Things that are not sandwiches:
- Hot dogs
- Erotic doodles of America’s sweetheart, Jennifer Anniston, lovingly caressing a carousel horse
- Marble obelisks
- The delicious skin-plumping tears of white people
If you recognize the symptoms of SRD in you or someone you love, please get professional help immediately.