Your critical inner voice is a deeply ingrained pattern of negative thoughts that can be directed at others as well as yourself. This “voice” is not an actual auditory hallucination, as in “The voices in my head told me to do it,” but instead, a series of thoughts, much like your conscience. The difference is that while your conscience usually steers you in the right direction, the inner critic is a nagging stream of thoughts that are often destructive and can discourage people from acting in their own best interest.
While there are many contributing factors in cases of domestic violence, the critical inner voice can often play a significant role in the lives of both the abuser and the victim. If a person is at risk for becoming violent, these destructive thoughts can sometimes be the spark that ignites the fuse. Ideas such as, “He/she is probably cheating on me,” or “He/she is making me look like a fool.” can lead to feelings of anger that in some cases result in violent behavior.
In the case of the victim, being self-condemning can lead to that person allowing the abuse to continue instead of making the changes needed to end the cycle. Everyone has negative thoughts and feelings about themselves at one time or another, but in cases of domestic violence, these thoughts can sometimes grow out of proportion. The negative thoughts usually feed on your deepest fears and in some instances fears that you didn’t even know you had. “If I leave, he/she will just find me.”, “How will I make it alone?”. These are just a few of the thoughts that may run through the victim's mind and if left uncontrolled will result in that person staying in a relationship that is unhealthy for everyone involved.
You can control your critical inner voice, but it takes time, effort, willpower, and sometimes a little help. Many programs can help to overcome these negative thoughts that affect all aspects of your life. By making that first change, all the others will follow naturally.
A first step may be to educate yourself so that you understand the voice inside of you better. Many of us are proud and unwilling to acknowledge our weaknesses. Consider visiting a psychologist with your partner to take a personality test. It is a great ice-breaker and helps you to understand yourself and your partner better without starting right off with a discussion of problems.
Also, reading is a meaningful first step. Below are a couple of books that we can recommend based on the expertise of the authors and reviews.
Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy
Pioneer, Dr. Francine Shapiro is the creator of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This book uses many techniques inspired by EMDR to help you transform your life and overcome the anxieties that hold us back. The toolbox presented by Shapiro is both practical and powerful. I can testify from personal experience that the techniques work to expose the root cause of problems with the critical inner voice that we all have and to heal the trauma involved quickly. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations
Negative messages to ourselves inhibit productive activity and success in relationships. This book provides a practical workbook that takes you through the step-by-step process of learning how to overcome the impact of the critical negative thoughts on your life. By providing valuable information, the tools will enable you to analyze your reality and learn to use a variety of self-help guidelines and exercises to combat your inner critic.
While the techniques are also used extensively by licensed therapists in psychotherapy, nothing in the book is too complicated. The steps are straightforward and ready for your immediate use. "Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations" is A TOP RESOURCE FROM THE TOP EXPERTS ON THE CRITICAL INNER VOICE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.