One of the things I loved about this anecdote is that the young man could remember what his mother has said to him 20 plus years later. Because she gave him a visceral experience that she respected what he wanted as much or more than what she wanted. She was assertive about her concerns AND she told him he was right (unforgettable words for an eight year old to hear!) She said she disagreed with him about what he wanted to do and that he got to do what he wanted. That was her demonstration of fairness or what we call mutual respect… and he respects her to this day for how she treated him like a human being who could make his own choices rather than just a child whose behavior needed to be controlled.
I hope you enjoyed this great example of parenting and found it useful.
In the comments below, we would love to hear from you about a time when you gave your child and yourself the gift of mutual respect. Or you can comment on how you’re going to put into practice mutual respect with a specific goal in mind.
Be as specific as you can in your comments. Concrete examples of how you behaved, what you said and what you did and the effect this had on your child help us all learn and prompt us to be more creative.
If you’re commenting about how you plan to practice mutual respect to achieve a specific goal, writing about it here may help you clarify your thoughts and help you get in touch with your feelings so you’re more prepared to practice mutual respect successfully!
Thank you, as always, for reading and getting engaged in the discussion!
By Dr. Lonnie Green, M.Ed., PhD