How can you help your shy child? Most people think they can force their children out of shyness but it may backfire and cause the symptoms to worsen. Here is how you can help your shy child.
Shyness is when you have an exaggerated sense of yourself. You feel as though everyone is thinkly badly of you or you have a fear of embarrassing yourself. If left untreated this can become a condition known as social phobia. Social phobia can be described a fear of social situations leading to the avoidance of public gatherings. Is your child shy? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Is your child reluctant to go to social gatherings? Does your child excessively worry about other’s opinions?
Shyness cannot be cured but it can be relieved. If you are shy, you will be shy the rest of your life. The key to treating your child is to teach your child how to cope. Show your child how to handle himself or herself in a public situation. It is important to treat your child as soon as possible. If your child progress to adulthood with this disorder, he or she may find it difficult to find a job and make new friends.
Connect with your child. Be empathetic. Let your child know that you know what it feels like. In addition, tell him or her how you use to deal with your shy situations. Whatever you do, DO NOT make your child feel bad about their shyness. This will lead to your child feeling worse and may lead to his or her behavior becoming worse. Give your child scenarios and ask what they would do in the situation and explain how they can turn the scenario around and handle it better.
Be a role model for you child. If you are shy, now is time to receive help for your shyness. Become more outgoing and less shy around your child. You can find help through books, meetings, and by visiting a psychiatrist.
Involve your child in more social activities such as sports, play groups, etc. You may find it helpful to enroll your child in daycare or preschool to help your child interact with others. After interacting with other children, ask your child how their day was and how they felt. In addition, give him or her methods on how to interact better the next time. However, DO NOT force your child to be in these situations. If he or she becomes agitated, forcing the situation will only make it worse.
Little Miss Outward turns inward
What about the bubbly two-year- old who smiles and waves at every stranger, but who at age three turns into a clam? Mothers often worry about what they did to cause such a personality reversal. The answer usually is "nothing." Before age two, many children are spontaneous. They act before they think, especially in social relations. Between two and four years of age, children go through a second phase of stranger anxiety, as they become afraid of people they don't know.
Strategies for Helping a Shy Child
- It's tempting to want to help the shy child. But be careful—the more you pull, the more some children recoil. You can't pull a child out of shyness. It's better to create a comfortable environment that lets her social personality develop naturally.
- Never label a child "shy." On hearing this a child feels something's wrong with her, and this will make her feel more shy. If you must use words to describe your child use "private" or "reserved." These are nicer and more accurate terms. Labels also affect the way others treat your child. Calling her "shy" can make them over solicitous, as though there is something they should do to "help" or fix it.
- Don't put the little performer on the spot. The grandparents are visiting, and you can't wait to have five-year-old Johnny play the piano for them. Don't spring this request on Johnny without warning. The young showman may run from your request, leave you apologizing, and leave grandmother wondering why he's so shy. Instead, privately ask your child's permission first: "You play so well and grandmother loves to hear you play, would you please play a little piece for her?" This respects a child's comfort level at showing a skill in public. Some children are born performers—give them an audience and they're on stage. Others guard their skills cautiously and must gradually become comfortable as skills develop. First, they are comfortable playing the piano for themselves. Next, they play for parents (because they will still applaud even if the child makes mistakes). It takes a much bigger leap of faith to play Mozart for company.
- Know and Accept the Whole Child. Being sensitive to the child's interests and feelings will allow you to build a relationship with the child and show that you respect the child. This can make the child more confident and less inhibited.
- Build Self-Esteem. Shy children may have negative self-images and feel that they will not be accepted. Reinforce shy children for demonstrating skills and encourage their autonomy. Praise them often. "Children who feel good about themselves are not likely to be shy".
- Develop Social Skills. Reinforce shy children for social behavior, even if it is only parallel play. One psychologist recommends teaching children "social skill words" ("Can I play, too?") and role playing social entry techniques. Also, opportunities for play with young children in one-on-one situations may allow shy children to become more assertive. Play with new groups of peers permits shy children to make a fresh start and achieve a higher peer status.
- Regularly expose child to new social environments. You can only do so much to shelter him in the long-run. By consistently exposing him to new social situations, such as street fairs with food, music and games, he should eventually become accustomed to the idea of being in unfamiliar environments.
- Initiate social interactions slowly. If your child has been invited to a party, for example, bring him early enough so that he sees all the other children entering one- by-one rather than taking him when there is a big crowd. During one-on-one playdates, consider initially inviting the other child to your home, where your child is in his comfort zone. After he warms up to the other child, venture to outside locations such as the park. A few play dates later, suggest going to other child’s house and encourage your child to bring a favorite toy for comfort.
- Allow the Shy Child to Warm Up to New Situations. Pushing a child into a situation which he or she sees as threatening is not likely to help the child build social skill. Help the child feel secure and provide interesting materials to lure him or her into social interactions.
- Never compare your shy child with other children in a negative way. And never allow anyone else to hurt your child in this way.
- Take your child's ideas seriously. By lessening the importance of a child's concerns you lessen the child.
- Seek out activities that offer an opportunity for growth and increased interaction with other children of his or her age. Encourage your child to get involved in activities with others.
Don't allow too many isolating activities, like watching TV.
- Give her a preview of upcoming social events by looking at pictures together and offering her explanations. By showing your child pictures of the zoo where she will be taking a field trip and explaining who will be there and how the day will go, she will be less likely to feel overwhelmed when the big day arrives.
- The mouthy mother and the mousy child. The combination of an extroverted, domineering mother and a more reserved child is a set-up for shyness.
Other articls of Child-psychology :
- Dealing with aggressive children
- Child temper tantrums should be curbed
- Children and fears
- Imaginary playmates
- Potty mouth
- Self confidence and self esteem
- Parenting the shy children
- Teaching children responsibility
- Breaking a child's bad habits