If we give careful thought and planning toward the conversation, we may
avoid ‘throwing fuel on the fire’ and achieve open and honest
The following framework can be helpful in planning your approach to a
sensitive or difficult conversation.
P – Positive. Begin with a positive approach, perhaps an indication
of how much you value the relationship, or simply “It’s great that
we can sit down together and talk”.
I – Make this about you – how you feel, what your concerns are.
Keep the word ‘You’ out of it. Use ‘I’ statements.
U – Understand. Show him/her that you understand the difficulty
or the challenge that is behind the current situation. Show
compassion and undestanding.
S – Share the solution. “What can we do to work through this?” Or
“How can I help? – What do you need me to do?”
Choose your moment – preferably when the person is calm and relaxed –
and not intoxicated.
When planning what you want to say, consider writing it down first, if
that is helpful.
If the person reacts aggressively, don’t push. Say “This is not what I
intended – let’s leave this for now and talk about it again at another
time.” Walk away.
Evaluate how the conversation went. If it didn’t go as well as you’d
hoped, look at your plan and ask yourself what you could have done
differently. Seek a second opinion if that may help. Adjust your plan
accordingly and choose another opportunity to approach the subject
P I U S
Positive I Statements Understanding Sharing