News reports tell us that violent crimes involving teenage girls are on the rise. Many more girls are now using alcohol and drugs. Teenage girls are the only population whose smoking has increased over the last twenty years. There has been an explosion of eating disorders among teenage girls. Many girls experience sexual harassment and unwanted sexual touching in our schools. More teenage girls than ever before suffer from depression. In the past ten year self-mutilation has become a disturbing trend. An epidemic of suicide exists.
An important truth for parents to realize is that girl’s experiences now are very different from those of their parents. There is some common ground in terms of bodily changes and the anxieties they cause. The struggle to be accepted and to relate to and be attractive to the opposite sex is the same. As is the struggle to grow up and develop an identity separate from one’s own parents. The confusion, sadness, anger and loneliness felt during these years is normal and common. There is, however, a great deal of new and uncharted territory. Parents need to try to listen, hear and understand in order to help teenage girls cope and survive in today’s world. Indeed, parents will want to help teenage girls thrive and develop into resilient and healthy adults.
Psychologists have found that girls are more vulnerable than boys to the emotional upheavals of family life today: domestic violence, divorce, poverty, alcohol and drug abuse. While all children are affected by such pain, girls seem to find it more disturbing than boys. Traditionally, girls have been taught to ignore or swallow their emotions, particularly anger. Girls often deal with their pain by hurting themselves; they turn their anger inwards. This can sometimes result in self-destructive behaviours, such as: alcohol and drug abuse, depression, eating disorders and sexual promiscuity. Girls today live under enormous pressure to conform to “ideal images” presented by the media. It is suggested to them that smoking and drinking stand for rebellion or maturity. Thinness is highly valued. Sex is associated with freedom, adulthood and sophistication.
As a society we have developed a “feel good” mentality. Through advertising, etc. girls are taught to expect pleasure and happiness. It is sug-gested that feelings of sadness, loneliness and anger can be avoided by being thin, sexually active and consuming drugs and alcohol. These messages are very confusing and dangerous for teenage girls. Faced with the normal challenges of this age and stage, girls are asked to make many difficult choices and decisions.
Almost all teenage girls experience some diffi-culties with their families. As part of the process of growing up, it is normal at this age for girls to push the limits with parents. All girls need to place some distance between themselves and their parents in order to develop their own identity. Recognizing the normal challenges that teenage girls will face as they grow and develop is an important task for parents. Parents need to understand the changes that are taking place for girls at this age. Par-ents also need to provide a loving and supportive atmosphere in the home in order to enable girls to handle the challenges that they face.
Every teenage girl needs someone they can really talk to. Someone who can be trusted with the truth of their own experiences. This person can be a parent, a teacher, an aunt or perhaps a nearby grandmother. Parents need to be prepared to listen to their daughters, who need as much parent time as toddlers. Teenagers need parents available when they are ready to talk. Often this is inconvenient for parents but the girl’s needs must come first. Patience is important. The thought that “growing up as a child today is even more difficult than raising children” may help parents stay patient.
Providing a home that offers girls affection and structure is important. Firm guidelines exist and high hopes are communicated. The message “I love you, but I have expectations” is necessary. It is good to ask questions that encourage girls to think clearly for themselves. When listening, parents should try to listen to what they can respect and praise in their daughters’ talk. Whenever possible, girls need to be congratulated on their maturity, insight or good judgment. It is almost never helpful to label girls as young and immature. Parents need to give daughters the message that they have confidence in their abilities. When there are problems, it is important for parents to remain calm. Calm parents hear more. Low-key accepting parents are the ones who daughters keep talking to them. Good communication with girls helps them to make thoughtful and considered choices and decisions.
Parents can model the respect and equality that they want their daughters to experience in the outside world. Physical appearance should be downplayed for girls. It is healthy for girls to have other things besides their looks to feel proud of. Involvement in sports, volunteer activities, music, drama, etc. should be encouraged. Healthy and positive relationships with friends is important. Parents can introduce girls to the natural world and the world of art, music and books. These experiences provide girls with opportunities to see themselves outside of the popular culture that we live in. These activities also help to build confidence and a more developed sense of themselves.
In order for girls to develop into able and competent adults, parents need to understand the world that they live in. Parents must listen to their daughters and provide them with a loving and supportive home. Healthy, outside activities should be encouraged so that girls can build the confidence that they need to face the tough choices of today. Friends and culture will have an impact on girls, but parents can too.