William Shakespeare once wrote, "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." If you're someone who holds onto hurts long after others, Didi Zahariades, MA, psychotherapist and life coach, has some help.
- Holding a Grudge is Allowing the Other Person to Repeatedly Affect You. This is when you tell your negative story over and over and over again. You are angry, for a good reason. The first time things went bad; it wasn’t your fault. But, if you continue to focus on it; the situation is altered and this IS your choice. The constant ruminating can lead to Chronic Stress! These emotionsare connected tomental health issues such as: obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and anxiety.
- Recognize: Holding a Grudge is Anger-based. Often holding a grudge is associated with cutting off all communication with another person. Long-term this can’t actually solve the problem. It may allow you to transfer your anger to another person, but this doesn’t allow you to resolve the issue. It is difficult to have a "good" emotion when you are focused on a "bad" emotion. It is difficult to be "happy" when you are emotionally focused on "being mad". Hostility is a potent risk factor for heart disease.
- Holding a Grudge may affect your Health. An abundance of research shows both physical and mental health may be affected by holding a grudgeor focusing on grievances. We feel out-of-control when faced with a negative, unforgiveable situation. The negative emotions in our body (anger) often manifest in anxiety and stress. When we focus on the positive (forgiveness) we feel more in control which minimizes our stress.
- If Someone Crosses You, What Can You Do? A) Build a case against that person or B) Trust she wasn’t doing it to hurt YOU… and move on.
- Process & Let Go…Don’t dwell on the issue. Consider who this person is? Give credit to your good judgment in friends/wife/husband; provide the benefit of the doubt to those you love and who love you! If it is a stranger, consider how much more time and energy you are willing to give this person?
For more great information and advice, visit Didi's website.