And it is a problem. Passive sentences are longer and less interesting than active sentences. Let’s take a first-grade example:
Passive: The lazy dog was jumped over by the quick brown fox.
In the passive version, the subject of the sentence is the dog, but it is still the recipient or the object of the action.
In general, we writers should use active sentence almost all the time. “Active” should be the default setting. Yes, there are examples where a passive sentence is more appropriate, such as when the “do-er” of the verb is unknown or irrelevant. Here’s one from a novel I read recently:
- “The sergeant moved to the living room window, where the screen has already been removed.”
But most of the time, passive voice is not only unnecessary, it’s dull. It deadens interesting topics. Take these examples, which twist together active and passive clauses into horrifying tangles:
- Some companies use high-pressure sales tactics to offer what is perceived to be a buoy to those who may feel they are drowning in debt.
- 2012 will be characterized by a cacophony of trends that will converge, explode and create outstanding opportunities for organizations and individuals ready to thrive in velocity.
Action is better because audiences respond to it. Action keeps us interested. Passive sentences are like passive anything: not very interesting. Don’t believe me? Which zoo animal gets more attention: the monkey swinging on the bars, or the lizard soaking up the sun?
What kinds of movies have the biggest audiences? Which had a biggest box office last year: Barney’s Version or Fast Five? What was the difference: the intricacy of the screenplay? The sensitivity of the acting? The artistry of the directing?
Action works. Action puts bums in seats. Action sells.
Here are some examples from the real world. I have changed some details just to protect myself from ire:
- Rising household debt is of growing concern for many.
- Who’s concerned? Economists? Mothers? Debtors? Loan sharks?
- The idea of segments of the supply chain being developed elsewhere was also brought up.
- Who brought it up?
- Tenants are urged to be wary about companies that claim they can negotiate a better deal with landlords so that only a part of their rent will need to be paid.
- Who’s urging?
- Solution: Experts urge tenants to beware of companies that claim they can negotiate a better deal with landlords ...
- Suggested times for starting each content section are shown in Slide 1: Agenda.
- Slide 1: Agenda suggests starting times for each content section.
- By effectively controlling the supply chain, costs can be notably curtailed.
- Controlling the supply chain effectively can curtail costs.
- The Windows-based Superdyn software can be used for setting parameters, and control and monitoring of DDw-789 motors.
- The Windows-based Superdyn software can set parameters, and control and monitor DDw-789 motors.
- If she didn’t get out, she was going to be mauled to death by the dog.
- If she didn’t get out, the dog would maul her to death.
- Their whereabouts are only known by the religious caste of the Flarconeans.
- Only the Flarconeans’ religious caste knows their whereabouts.
Watch for it
Watch your writing for passive sentences. One giveaway: count your use of the word “by,” as in “the dog was jumped over by the fox.” When you proofread your work, watch for long phrases and dependent clauses. In general, try to make sure that the subject of every sentence is what’s performing the verb.