The Social Instinct
The social instinct represents the part of us that wants approval from other people. When this drive is strong, we tend to adjust to social expectation, becoming the archetype of The Everyperson.
To fit in, to get approval from others
To be disapproved of
So-4: The Chameleon So/Sx: The Cool Kid
Everyperson (Enneagram So)
The Everyperson is your average neighbour or normal guy or gal. As an enneagram So, your primary aim is very outgoing in it’s nature. You want to make new friends and connections. You’ve got strong instincts and antennas and you’re very aware of the world around you. You’re often very aware of how you look and appear to others and careful with what you say to other people.
Enneagram So types want to fit in and to get approval from others. This means, being liked and appreciated for what you do, and for how you dress and what kind of person you are. At times, social types can fall victim to making other people feel excluded or rejected, in order to strengthen their own position in the group. This can happen when social types start to worry of being rejected.
Common traits: Ordinary, adaptable, compliant, carefree, honourable, moral, honest
You’ll find the Enneagram So types to be the most outgoing of all the enneagram types. The Everyperson types understand what is right and wrong and pride themselves on living by societies principles and doing what the group or society or institution thinks is right.
The Everyperson has a strong defensive instinct, and will work hard to protect themselves by ensuring they are normal, and that they fix flaws and issues within themselves and do the right thing, even if it is difficult. The everyperson wants to avoid being excluded from society and community, and fears being branded as a trouble element or being publicly shamed by the community they serve. As an everyperson, there is a need to honour committment, to show up on time, to be a good employee, a good parent, and a reliable coworker.
The Social Instinct Big 5 Profile
Our need for approval tends to make us more outgoing. We go out and we have experiences in order to meet and connect to others. The need for approval can also make us less honest and more likely to ignore our own beliefs and thoughts to instead focus on other people.
We may also let go of our personal influence and control of a situation, letting other people lead and call the shots.
Neuroticism only serves to make us more anxious and only enhances our feeling of loneliness. When we are more neurotic, we feel lonely quickly, if we don’t have people around who approve of us. We also become more worried about being disapproved, and we check in more often to ensure that people actively approve of and like us.
Infant: A young or immature person who feels alone will try to get people’s attention by making themselves easy to be around.
Child: When we’re in the child stage we try hard to make sure people approve of us and our close friends. We want everyone to be included and to be able to participate and we try to make sure everyone fits in.
Teen: When in the teenager state, we can be more prone to bullying and making other people feel left out, in order to strengthen our own position in the group. We start focusing more on being personally approved of.
Young adult: Here, we start becoming more focused on getting good grades and being approved of by society and by societies institutions. We also try to make sure other people get good grades and that other people accept and honour these institutions.
Adult: Once we have managed to do this, we start focusing more on what we want to be approved for and how we want to become approved by others, what we want to be approved for.
Accomplished adult: At this level, we start focusing on helping other people fit in and find their place or kin in the world. We show people when they’re starting to fail or lose approval in a group and we help them find their way back.