Having suffered from anxiety and depression myself (like about 40 million, or 18% of Americans), I can tell you it is real. Yes, some people still think it’s “all in your head.” I have heard many well-intentioned teachers and parents alike poo-poo the idea of school anxiety in particular. While some may use these feelings as a crutch or excuse to avoid schoolwork, they can be physically damaging and real to the person suffering from true anxiety or one of several other possible disorders. Before pushing it off as nothing, please determine whether or not your child has an anxiety issue that needs your attention.
Just nervous or an anxiety problem?
How can a parent tell the difference? It is, after all, normal for kids to be nervous about a new school year and teacher, making friends, academic success and more. I’m nervous for my kids, but when is it a real problem? When your child can be distracted or comforted out of his or her worry, it may not be a big problem. It may just take time for your child to adjust to so many changes at once. Anxiety that lasts several weeks into the school year may suggest more is going on with your kid.
When your child worries about everything, refuses to attend school, can’t focus on activities he or she would normally enjoy, or when his or her fears and worries impact activities of daily life, it is time to call the pediatrician. Keep the teacher in the loop and ask for his or her observations. If you have anxiety yourself, you may notice similar signs in your child. Try not to let your child hear you talk about your worries. Encourage your child to express his or her feelings and identify steps to take if they get overly anxious. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) has tips and suggestions for parents and caregivers to help kids with school-related anxiety.
Here are some ways parents can help a child who may be struggling with school anxiety.
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings as real by speaking calmly and honestly; remember that no feelings are wrong. We all experience life differently, and what upsets me likely doesn’t bother you. Try not to add to your child’s fears with negative comments. Instead, encourage them to see the positive aspects of school (field trips, sports, clubs, etc.).
- Try to include your child in school planning and scheduling; give choices or options when possible. Kids want some power over their life, and many options are available today.
- Prepare him or her for upcoming situations by knowing what may upset or exacerbate your child’s anxiety and teach him or her strategies to deal and avoid anxiety-inducing situations when possible. Deep breathing and visualization are two simple techniques even the youngest kids can master.
- Look forward to new opportunities rather than back at past failures. Always have high expectations for your child, academically and personally, but be flexible and non-critical when success is not reached.
- Encourage your child to develop his or her strength areas and independence by pointing out areas of success and providing opportunities to work on or display those skills.
Everyone gets nervous sometimes, but when nervousness turns to crippling anxiety, get help. Be patient with kids as they traverse a new school year with a new teacher, but be aware when your child seems overly clingy or the stomachache returns each morning before school. Avoid letting your child stay home, as this can give the wrong message. Instead, be supportive without giving in or giving up. Finally, keep teachers and school professionals involved in the conversation; they may have experience and techniques to help support your child’s continued success in school and life.