Our world is a beautiful, thrilling, and complex place.
At times, we’re able to take hold of life by the reins and navigate it on our own: we feel empowered and confident as we take on and navigate what life throws our way. We learn to ride the wave and enjoy the ride.
Other times, we lose our grip on the reins when things don’t go as planned. Suddenly, it feels like everything around you is crashing down like waves. It feels hard to keep your head above water alone.
Thankfully, we don’t have to do it alone.
What is so unique and fascinating about each of us is that we all experience life differently. Our unique perspectives can also be deeply isolating and lonely. While others can listen to, understand, and empathize with you, no one is able to experience the world exactly as you do – especially when life gets difficult and confusing. This feeling of being lost or misunderstood is unspeakably scary and lonely. But it is equally an essential part of the human experience. As psychologist Lisa Damour writes in her book, Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, loneliness and stress are a natural and essential part of human experience. Some of our most creative and lasting impact, results from stress. Looking at some of Vincent Van Gogh’s paintings recently, I was struck by how his most powerful works were the output of an intensely lonely and unhappy period of his life.
We don’t have to go through tough times alone. Never before have we lived in societies with a greater awareness of, and conversation about, the lack of human connection so many in our society feel today. Never before has there been a broader conversation about mental health, given the depth of mental health problems and their impact on our society’s well being. Yet, there is still a negative stigma surrounding actually seeking out help.
Help is human connection. The beautiful thing about human connection is that we’re able to open up to people and allow them to see the world from our perspective – even if it’s just for a second. Seeking help from others allows us to learn to heal, achieve our goals, overcome difficult obstacles, and create a life we love. Each time we seek help, we learn a little more about ourselves and how to navigate our challenges than we knew before.
Seeking help is a positive thing and should be shone in a positive light.
People view the act of seeking help from coaches, therapists, or even a friend as weakness. Studies have shown that 58% of men feel like they’re expected to be emotionally strong and not show signs of weakness. In a recent conversation with a young, male family member in which I asked him how he felt about a difficult situation he was going through, his response was, “I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling. Men usually don’t open up the way women do, so it’s hard for me to put it into words.” He’s not the only one suffering from this problem – he’s simply a reflection of a broader societal phenomenon.
A new television miniseries – The Crowded Room – tells the story of a mentally ill criminal trying to overcome the stigma around asking for help and actively seeking it. The Crowded Room emphasizes that people should not be afraid to stand up and ask for help when they need to.
It’s hard to open up and seek help. The very act of seeking help opens us up to reframing our perspective, to thinking about our predicaments differently, to tapping into our own human ingenuity. The essential first step is admitting that we need guidance – both from the people that know and love us, and objective advisors like coaches. Seeking the perspective of others enables us to create a growth mindset in which problems are simply bumps along the road, easily overcome by learning from the help and advice of others. Seeking help allows us to grapple with thebumps and define solutions that align with our values and goals. Opening up to others allows us to navigate and overcome the bumps faster and more efficiently.
Opening up and seeking help means creating a healthier lifestyle for yourself. For an increasing number of individuals, working with a coach is a safe space, free of judgment, that allows them to develop deeper self awareness and reframe their perspective to love themselves and create a life they love – a life filled with happiness, excitement, and success – despite the complexity the world throws at us.