The advantage of reciprocal altruism, which is when both parties help each other, is that both parties benefit in it.
In a ideal world, there would be no need for military because countries would always cooperate with each other.
The problem preventing this however, is that you will inevitably meet people who don’t have your best interest at heart.
In your life, you will encounter people known as free riders, people who will take advantage of you. These are people who you give to constantly, but they never give back in return. They only take.
You will also encounter people known as defectors, people who will betray you such as in your romantic relationships, friendships and business partnerships.
The question then is, how should you treat people you meet, knowing that some of these people are going to be free riders and defectors?
Do you treat others how you would want them to treat you or do you treat others how they treat you?
Growing up, you would always hear that you should always treat other people how you would want them to treat you. And to an extent, there’s truth to this idea. But what you find to be a better way of treating other people according to scientists is what’s known as game theory.
What researchers of game theory have found is that the most effective strategy in most environments for you and I to do socially with our friends, with people we date and with our business partners, is a strategy known as tit for tat theory.
What tit for tat theory says you should do is to be nice on the first round of interaction you have with someone, but then after that, do to that person whatever that person did to you on the previous round.
If they’re kind to you, be kind back, but if they free ride you, free ride back. If they defect on you, then defect on them.
You can’t just treat everybody how you would want them to treat you at all times.
In the book “Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science Of The Mind,” Dr. David M. Buss says,
“Cooperation coalitions can evolve as long as free riders are punished. Experiments show that higher levels of cooperation occur when a system is in place to punish.”
The reason you can’t be kind to everybody at all times is because cooperation between individuals only occurs when a system is put into place to punish.
If someone mistreats you, you cannot respond with kindness. You can’t reward people who don’t cooperate and who treat you poorly.
Now there are situations where you don’t always want to play tit for tat. If you’re in a room full of thieves for example, it’s probably not the best idea to be trustworthy and kind on the first interaction.
In general however, you want to start out optimistic. You want to treat others how you would want them to treat you on the first interaction, but then after that, on every subsequent interaction that you have with that person, do what they do to you.
But remember that tit for tat is also very forgiving. If someone starts to cooperate again, reciprocate the cooperation and get back to a state of mutual reciprocation.
Tit for tat is beneficial because it takes us way beyond kin altruism and it opens up the possibility of forming cooperative relationships and bonds with people who are complete strangers.