CHILDREN ARE BORN WITH THREE INNATE SKILLS
You probably didn’t realize that children are born with three innate skills. It’s part of their DNA. Not only do these skill sets come natural, but they adapt as the environment changes.
These are survival skills that function better than what any creature possesses in the animal kingdom. For some, at least one or more skills remain primary as the child reaches adulthood and it drive their career path. For others, they may fade.
Regardless of whether the skills continue to develop, they are transparently recognizable in young children to every parent.
The first skill is the Salesperson. Every child, from the moment they can utter their first words, are salespeople. Their primary goal is to sell those around them on satisfying their wants and needs.
They will use every tool at their disposal from a winning toothless smile to a temper tantrum. They will lie,”I didn’t eat the cookie, Rover did.”. They will beg, “Can I have puppy, please, please, please, please, please…”. They will demand, “But I want it, Mommy.”
All of these tactics lead to the same thing. The child is attempting to sell something either because they want something (i.e. a toy) or don’t want something (i.e. to be punished). They quickly learn which tactics work on which audience.
What may work on Mom, doesn’t work on Dad – change selling approach. What works on Mom and Dad is not the way to approach Grandma. Change tactics.
The best adult salespersons are those who have kept these skills strong throughout the years. They know when to switch from educational sales to relationship sales to a combination of both, for example. They read their customer quickly and adapt. It’s Mom, Dad and Grandma all over again.
They began in life trying to close the deal and continue until retirement.
The second skill is negotiation. This is probably the strongest skill because it is an urge children can’t resist, even when it’s not something they really want or in their own best interests.
The negotiator will always push for “more” or “later”.
Not to be confused with the sales skills, which is utilized when no offer has yet been made by the parent, the negotiation skill is simply to increase what has been offered.
More: “Yes, you may have a candy.” “Can I have 2?”
Later: “It’s time for bed.” “Another half hour, puh-lease!”
More: “Ok, Daddy’s tired.” “Just one more piggy-ride, Daddy!”
Later: “Time to go home for dinner.” “I just want five more minutes at the park.”
It’s an instinct so strong, that a child will negotiate a later bedtime even while their face is nodding dangerously close to the mashed potatoes. They can’t help themselves. Negotiation is as strong an involuntary body function as breathing.
The last major skill is the scientist. Children are natural scientists, curious about their surroundings, testing hypothesis, asking endless questions and studying their role models.
To a child, of course, the whole world is filled with new wonders. They, naturally, want to discover the nature of everything around them. Will paint really stick to white walls? Is fire hot or just look pretty? How does dog food actually taste?
It’s an endless array of discovery, testing and questions.
Despite a whole world to discover, though, children will study with the most attention, by far, their role models. These might include parents, grandparents older siblings, etc..
They will notice every twitch, hear every word and note every inflection.
My daughter, for example, notices when my hand is balled while driving. This is my sign of stress by something that is happening in my life. I didn’t even notice this habit. She did because she is a scientist.
Having a scientist in our home who is studying us during every waking moment can be disconcerting for one simple reason. Despite everything we say, every rule we set and every good intention we have, we are always teaching our children by example.
They are learning from us by watching and studying us. We are setting the example when we stare at our phones during dinner. Or when we eat foods we know are not good for us. Or when we don’t live by the same rules we set for the child, such as how we treat other people.
Even though, at times, we may think that nothing we say to a child makes a difference, you must know that they are watching and learning, good or bad. They may pretend to not hear what we say at times, but they do. They are absorbing every word, nuance and example we set. The time will come when all the life lessons will come back to them to be applied to their lives and to their children.
It’s not easy living with a super-salesperson, a relentless negotiator and an observant scientist but it’s just a part of the job we accepted when we agreed to become a parent.