Written by Joe Janes
125 of 365
Miss Sara, 20s
(Lights up on Miss Sara’s third grade class. She sits in front of them with a cardboard clock with moveable hands.)
MISS SARA…And that’s how we tell time! So, Dale, if the big hand is on the two and the little hand is on the five, what times is it?
DALEUm, two after five?
MISS SARANo. Good try, though. Missy? What do you think?
MISSYTen minutes after five o’clock?
MISS SARAVery good.
HANKThat makes no sense whatsoever. If it’s ten after, shouldn’t the big hand be on the ten?
MISS SARARemember, Hank, the big hand is to count the minutes. The little hand counts the hours. Let’s put the big hand on the ten. What time is it Chip?
CHIPTen minutes till five.
HANKSee, that makes sense.
MISS SARAWell, how many minutes after the hour is it? Tiffany?
MISS SARAVery good. Everybody understand about telling time? Any questions? Hank?
HANKThis time thing, who invented it?
MISS SARAInvented it? I don’t think anyone invented time.
TIFFANYBut, somebody invented clocks.
DALEI think cavemen invented time so they wouldn’t miss their TV shows.
MISSYYou don’t need a clock to watch TV. Not when there’s TiVo.
DALECavemen didn’t have TiVo, dummy.
MISS SARAHey, let’s not use bad names, Dale. I suppose someone really smart invented clocks a long time ago so people could be on time to meet up with one another.
HANKTime is always moving. That’s why clocks run all the time. Right?
MISS SARAYou could say time is always moving. Some people say it flows, like a river.
DALEWouldn’t we get all wet?
MISS SARATime isn’t wet like a river, it just moves like one. There’s time in the past, like yesterday, and then there’s the present, today, now, and then there’s tomorrow.
HANKWhat happens if time beavers build a dam and time backs up and floods everywhere? Then what happens?
MISS SARAWell, I’m not -
TIFFANYThen everything would happen all at once!
MISSYI’m scared. Can we kill the time beavers?
CHIPNo, don’t kill the time beavers!
MISS SARANo one’s killing the time beavers, Chip.
MISSY (crawling under desk)Then how can we stop them?
MISS SARATime beavers don’t exist, Missy.
DALEThey’re extinct! God killed them!
HANK (Spinning the hands of Miss Sara’s clock)I can feel it. There’s too much time. I’m up to my neck in time.
TIFFANY (starts running around)Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!
MISS SARATiffany, sit down!
CHIPCall FEMA! Call the National Guard! Call Obama!
MISS SARA (takes clock away from Hank)Give me that, Hank.
HANKIt’s a time tsunami!
MISS SARA (tears the hands off the clock)Look! Look! Time has stopped. Look at the clock. The hands are still. Everything’s fine. Shhhhhhh! The time beavers are sleeping.
MISSYTime is scary.
MISS SARAListen, children…. Time is just time. Clocks are a way to measure the seconds, minutes and hours of the day. It’s like a ruler. It’s a tool we use. It’s nothing to be afraid of. A clock is just a clock, a piece of furniture; like that chair is just a chair. We use it, it doesn’t use us. Understand?
CHIPSo, time’s not a bully that yells at tells us and tells us what to do?
MISS SARAThat’s right. We, human beings, made it up.
(The school bell rings. The kids all get up from their desks and head out the door.)
MISS SARAThat’s the bell. Now, get out of here. Bye-bye. See you tomorrow. What time tomorrow, Hank?
MISS SARAThat’s right. Get home safely.
(Everyone leaves. Miss Sara looks relived. From the opposite side of the stage, a time beaver enters. The time beaver wears white coveralls, a hard hat, and a big clock necklace. The time beaver takes the clock and the hands from Miss Sara, looks disappointingly at her, and exits. Lights fade.)