Many parents have been in that uncomfortable situation with their child as they’ve pointed at a person with a disability and in a booming voice publicly asked a personal question.
“But Mummy, why doesn’t that man have any legs?” or “Daddy that woman talks funny, what’s wrong with her?” And as you wish for the ground to swallow you whole, there are ways of dealing with the situation that will answer your child’s natural curiosity and turn a potentially uncomfortable situation into a learning opportunity.
Dr Terry Cumming, Associate Professor in Special Education in the School of Education at UNSW, says it’s important that parents teach their children that everyone is different.
“Parents should also teach their children that people have different abilities, both physical and cognitive, but we are more alike than different. They need to teach acceptance and manners. Staring at people with disabilities, avoiding them, or pretending that they are invisible is not okay! Most people would rather answer questions about their disability than be stared at rudely,” Dr Cumming says.
If your child sees a person in a wheelchair, for example, and asks “Why can’t that person walk?” there are various things a parent can say to satisfy their child’s curiosity.
It is okay to say, ‘I don’t know’
“It’s okay to answer, ‘I don’t know’ when a child asks ‘Why?’ about a disability. I would ask the person with a disability if they minded my child asking a few questions. Try to avoid pity, emotion, or going into specific detail,” Dr Cumming says.
And what should a parent say to a child who, on seeing a person with a prosthetic arm or leg asks, "Can I touch it?”.
“This would be up to the person with the prosthetic. In that case I would stress that it is never okay to just touch anyone without permission. You could ask your child, ‘Would you like it if a stranger came up and touched your arm?'.
“If you create a culture of acceptance and recognition of diversity in your family, you shouldn’t have any issues. If your child is asking a lot of questions, offer to help them find the answers later at home. Make sure that books and media that your child interacts with have positive representations of diverse people, including those with disabilities."
When it comes to appropriate terminology when talking to children about disabilities Dr Cumming suggests using positive, person-first language.
“For example, ‘person with a disability’ not ‘disabled person.’ Also avoid using degrading terms, such as ‘retarded.’ Modelling language is as important as modelling actions,” Dr Cumming says.
“Encourage children to have friends with disabilities, to be comfortable with classmates/playmates with diverse abilities. I really feel that overall it is about honesty and remembering that ‘children learn what they live'. A parent’s behaviour has the most influence on a child’s beliefs and behaviour.”