There is a growing alertness among parents, educators, and the church about the need to teach kids tangible ways to stay safe. Until children are old enough to keep themselves safe, it is the job of parents and concerned adults to prepare them to navigate difficult situations that may occur when they are away from us. For this reason, it is always the right time to be educating children on concrete, age-appropriate safety skills.
Below are five ways you can begin to train/educate your children to help protect them from sexual abuse.
1. Teach kids developmentally appropriate views of sex, sexuality, and their bodies. Kids who know the correct names for body parts and understand God’s view of sex/sexuality are more likely to recognize when they see the corruption of such things. Kids need to grow up seeing sex as good and part of God’s creation. With this positive and accurate perspective, they are more likely to spot the counterfeit. They are also more likely to tell someone when something inappropriate happens.
2. Instruct kids to respect their bodies and the bodies of others. Respect means you do not touch people on their private parts (and please do not be afraid to be specific) nor should anyone touch them. It means you do not do or say anything that makes someone else uncomfortable. Role play and brainstorm all the ways this could play out. Be prepared to give concrete examples. Follow up with questions, such as:
- What is respectful/not respectful about that?
- What is loving/not loving in that example?Language like respect and love show kids what is valuable. By talking through examples using these questions, they will be better prepared if someone tries to redefine love and respect in a corrupted manner. A biblical view of these sensitive topics teaches kids to know how life was created to be lived.
3. Train kids to pay attention when something (or someone) makes them uncomfortable. We want them to be able to identify this feeling and then discern what’s causing it. They may feel uncomfortable for lots of reasons: something is confusing to them, it pushes them outside of their comfort zone, or they are put it a risky situation and can’t make sense of it. Teach them the skill of discernment. This will take practice and role playing. Point out what makes them uncomfortable and help them decide what to do in each scenario.
4. Instill the ability to discuss hard topics without fear, shame or embarrassment. We want young people to be at ease sharing what is going on in their lives. In order to teach this, you must model it. Kids watch you to find out if a topic is safe to discuss. You will demonstrate you are either approachable or that mom/dad can’t handle hard things. If they see the latter, they will avoid coming to you with something uncomfortable.
5. Teach them who is safe to go to when they are in need and you are not available. Go over how to share with these adults when something is bothering them. Give them access to these individuals, such as making sure the safe adult’s phone number is in your child’s phone. Explain where and who to go to if lost, what to do in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation, etc.
In all this, proactively disciple and teach your kids to know God’s ways. Cultivate openness about what is going on in their lives. Praise and encourage them for talking with you. We want our kids to maintain their innocence while feeling competent to know what to do when in peril. The more children feel prepared, the less they will be confused by situations, and the more likely they will be able to respond well. We do not want to raise fearful kids, but safe kids. We are not instilling worry, we are inspiring confident, equipped children.