Bullies have been around forever, an often accepted, if distasteful, part of life that no one talked about.
Online cyberbullying adds a dangerous element. Bullying is no longer confined to the playground. Now it is out there in cyberspace, for all time, and for everyone to see. Reports in the media detail the results, up to and including kids committing suicide.
One out of four teens is bullied.
Suddenly, the need to address the problem, locally and nationally, has been pushed to the forefront for parents, law enforcement and educators.
Kids of all ages face bullying, from early elementary grades through their teen years and even in college. The cruelty can be devastating.
One young girl, whom we will call Jenna, said she first knew there were bullies when she was in first grade. She said a bully is a mean person who says bad things, calls you bad names and persuades other kids not to play with you.
"It's bad to be a bully because you hurt people's feelings," said Jenna, who has been bullied. "It made me feel bad to be called names. I don't like when I have to play by myself. Seeing other people bullied, I try to stop them and tell the teacher. Bullies say we do not, and if they get sent to benches, they bully the kids on the benches. I think they should make them help in nurse's office; they should have to say sorry in front of the class."
Jenna plays online games and said there are mean people there. Cyberbullies; she knew what they were called.
Carol Croteau, a Kingston resident, started BullyNH (www.bullyfreenh.org) in 2009 after her daughter Caitlin was the victim of bullies. Her goal was to get state law changed, to force schools to deal with the issue of bullying.
"School administrators could not protect her," Croteau said. "I looked at the old New Hampshire law and knew it had to change. It took until 2010 to get a law in place. The No. 1 change today is that the new law allows parents to be empowered to advocate for their children. A lot of school administrators are on board now and things are changing, but we still have a long way to go. Dealing with bullying requires accountability and intervention. It's not about a simple conflict; it's about power and control."
The new law, which went into effect in 2011, requires schools to develop a policy to deal with bullying, one that involves the administration, the community at large and students.
On June 15, 2010, Gov. John Lynch signed the bullying bill into law. It represents a rewrite and expansion of the former "Pupil Safety and Violence Protection Act" of 2000. With the new law in place, school districts must take numerous actions in order to comply with the law and protect themselves from liability.
By Jan. 1, 2011, the school board of every district had to adopt a written policy that prohibits bullying and cyberbullying. Every policy must include procedures for reporting bullying and cyberbullying. Every policy must include a statement prohibiting retaliation and false accusations. Policies must also include a process for developing plans to protect students from retaliation.
In addition, the new law directs school boards to include standard definitions for certain terms, including "bullying" and "cyberbullying." "Bullying" must be defined to include any written, verbal or electronic communication, or physical act or gesture that physically harms a student or damages his/her property, causes emotional distress to a student, interferes with a student's educational opportunities, creates a hostile educational environment or substantially disrupts the orderly operation of the school.
While most districts typically thought of bullying as a number of incidents occurring over time, the new law makes it clear that bullying can be a single incident or a pattern of incidents over time.
The law requires districts to provide training and educational programming on bullying and cyberbullying. School employees, volunteers and employees of any company under contract with a school or district, such as bus drivers, who have significant contact with students, must be trained on the bullying policy, annually.
Finally, the law requires districts to report substantiated incidents of bullying and cyberbullying to the Department of Education on an annual basis, and to law enforcement, if a crime has been committed.
"It's a new law, so the effect is hard to judge yet," said Croteau. "If changes are needed, I will be at the forefront of that effort. It is definitely a positive start."
At Winnacunnet School District, a new program will be implemented this fall. Hampton resident Bruce Montville is the founder of Lifewise and the University of New Hampshire Wildcat Youth Mentor programs. He has partnered with Quabbin Mediation in Orange, Mass., to offer TAB, training active bystanders.
"We will begin training in September, with 12 volunteer civic warriors(adults) and 30 upperclassmen," said Montville. "Once we train them, they will, in turn, train the entire incoming freshmen class to produce peer-trained ninth-graders. The goal is to reduce individual conflicts and hostilities, by creating an atmosphere of civility, peer protection and respect."
For information on ways to get involved with TAB, members of the Winnacunnet community can contact Montville at 929-0832, or by e-mail to email@example.com.
"The more visibility we and TAB receive, the more popular the concept will become," said Montville. "Our partner, Quabbin Mediation, presently delivers TAB in several schools in Western Mass., and is currently doing a high school in Los Angeles, California. I plan to introduce TAB to other area schools."
There are many warning signs that may indicate that someone is affected by bullying — either being bullied or bullying others. Recognizing the warning signs is an important first step in taking action against bullying because not all children who are bullied or are bullying others ask for help.
Some signs that may point to a bullying problem are unexplainable injuries; lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry; frequent headaches or stomach aches; feeling sick or faking illness; changes in eating habits, such as suddenly skipping meals or binge eating.
Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch, have difficulty sleeping or have frequent nightmares, declining grades, exhibit a loss of interest in schoolwork, or not want to go to school, have a sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations, show feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem, self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide.
Kids may be bullying others if they get into physical or verbal fights, have friends who bully others, are increasingly aggressive and get sent to the principal's office or to detention frequently, have unexplained extra money or new belongings, blame others for their problems, don't accept responsibility for their actions, are overly competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity.
Statistics from the 2008-2009 School Crime Supplement show that an adult was notified in only about a third of bullying cases. Kids don't tell adults for many reasons. Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale. Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak. Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand. Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.
Some feel that bullying is a normal rite of passage in growing up, but it isn't. There will always be conflicts between kids, but bullying is intentional cruelty, harassment, and emotional, physical and sometimes sexual abuse. This behavior can set the tone for a lifetime of intentional cruelty or worse. And the consequences to victims can seriously affect them for the rest of their lives.