It is possible to experience both hate and anger when our heart has been deeply wounded by another. However, there is an enormous difference between the two!. Hate is our natural response to hate a person who has deeply wounded us. Hatred is often at the core of the animosity that inhibits our ability to wish a person well.
Hate can be either nonresistant, or it can be combative.
Non-resistive hatred would be pleased to hear that something bad or evil had befallen the person who has injured them. It would, also, be unhappy to discover that the injurer had met with success. Non-resistive hatred does not actively seek revenge, but cannot bring the injurer to mind with any positive thoughts, whatsoever.
There is, on the other hand, a combative type of hatred that may wish their enemy was dead, speak ill of their enemy to those who know the offender, or is poised and ready to attack. Hatred, be it non-restive or combative, is a cancer that will eat at our soul, and cause those we have no hostility toward, to “steer clear.”
Anger, on the other hand, can be healthy. It can be a force that motivates. Anger can push us towards our goals and be the catalyst for changes that are good for both ourselves and others.
The expression of anger, if it is aimed at finding a solution and not just venting, can be strengthening for relationships. If the person you are angry towards does not know you are upset, they may keep on doing whatever is bothering you and further harm the relationship.
Anger can provide personal insight. If we tend to get angry often, noticing when and why we get angry can help us to make positive life changes. In addition, anger is often the buffer that keeps violence at bay.
The author sees two components to constructive anger:
*It only vents when the person who caused anger is present. In other words, the
anger has not turned into seething bitterness or rage.
*The anger is valid and relative to the wrongdoing.