In reality, male and female animals set up their relationships thousands of different ways in the wild. In many species, males are the primary caretakers of the next generation while females ignore their offspring and mate promiscuously. Even the existence of "male" and "female" as distinct categories is often not so clear in certain species.
Some animals have the ability to change sex to respond to various outside pressures and conditions.
A few can even mate with themselves.
Here are 17 animals that demonstrate the greatness of nature and its stubborn unwillingness to conform to human expectations for the way things "should be."
"Mom went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back."
Photo by Ozan Kill
Ask any tropical bird out there, and they'll tell you that male jacanas are pretty much the best dads of the bunch. Not only do male jacanas stick around the nest to incubate the eggs and raise their offspring, they even carry them under-wing when they fly.
Meanwhile, female jacanas are ... not exactly super nurturing. After gathering up a harem of nearly half a dozen males and laying her eggs, the female jacana splits in order to fly around, murder the young of rival females, and mate with their former partners.
This is considered charming.
2. Clown fish
Clown fish were invented by Disney/Pixar in 2003.Photo by Rachel Hisko on Unsplash
Like many species of reef fish, clown fish can, and frequently do, change sex. Unlike most species of reef fish however, all clown fish are born male and are led (in familial groups) by a dominant female.
When she dies, the next-biggest male simply ... becomes female and takes charge of the group.
What you just heard was the sound of a billion other species slapping themselves on the forehead at the same time, wondering why they didn't think of that, realizing it's now too late and that now they'd just be, like, hopping on the trend.
3. African buffalo
"Aaaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh! Aaaaaagh!" — Nicholas Cage.Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Bees famously take the matriarchy to the extreme. A single queen bee oversees thousands of smaller female workers and male drones.
While most bees live, at most, a few weeks, the queen typically survives several years before the hive goes looking for a new queen to start the cycle over again. All to advance the species-wide goal of refusing to fly out of your car even though all four windows are down.
5. Komodo dragons
Party out with your tongue out... alone even.
Photo by Mark Dumont/Wikimedia Commons.
Female komodo dragons can lay viable eggs that produce offspring without a male partner, which pretty much explains why komodo dragon Tinder never truly caught on.
6. Praying mantises
Not as romantic as it looks.
Photo by Oliver Koemmerling/Wikimedia Commons.
Mantis males are often smaller than mantis females, a discrepancy that leaves many males feeling insecure, as it enables females to frequently — though not always — eat their heads during sex.
7. Common reed frogs
"Hey, pa? You ... you wanna ... play catch?"
Photo by Maxim Bilovitskiy/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Creative_Commons.
Female marmosets tend not to be terribly interested in their babies. A few weeks after giving birth, they're mostly out of their kids' lives forever.
Marmoset dads, on the other hand, are excellent caretakers, feeding, grooming, and transporting their young as well as coaching Marmoset Little League and always batting their kid cleanup.
9. Spotted hyenas
Someone has to lead this party.
Photo via Pixabay.
Not only are female hyenas stronger and more aggressive than males, male and female hyena genitals are nearly identical in appearance. They're so similar that it's extremely difficult to tell the difference with the naked eye, which ultimately doomed the '70s game show "What Sex is That Hyena?" to cancellation after just half a season.
"OK, so. I need a really big favor."Photo by Mikhail Preobrazhenskiy on Unsplash
While males of numerous species nurture their offspring, the male seahorse takes things several steps further. During the mating process, he receives eggs from the female and not only fertilizes them, but carries the offspring until they hatch.
A recent poll of male seahorses found that an overwhelming majority experience a secret surge of satisfaction when their partners get kidney stones.
Blumph.Photo by Michal B. on Unsplash
Unlike middle school boys across America, male cuttlefish don't have a lot of hang-ups about appearing feminine to their peers. Masters of camouflage, these future delicious fried antipasto will often alter their coloration in order to pass for female around rival males.
If an actual female is around, they'll leave the other half of their body as is, appearing half male and half female.
12. Topi antelopes
"Where is that voice coming from?"
Photo via Pixabay.
Anyone who's seen "March of the Penguins" knows that male emperor penguins guard their eggs tightly, perilously balancing them on their feet while their female companions go off to do traditional woman stuff like trekking across the Antarctic tundra, diving for food in the freezing cold ocean, and pleading with Morgan Freeman to shut the hell up so they can focus on not being eaten by seals for like five goddamn seconds.