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April 14, 2001
Redirecting a Child Who Throws Things When Angry
Tip—Teach anger management skills and use a consequence when a child throws things.
Young children usually come with very little inner restraint. When their emotions are strong, aggressive behaviors like hitting, biting, and throwing things can follow. The good news is that all of us usually do learn to restrain our impulse to hurl a frustrating object or task out the window and scream. Your task as a parent of a child naturally-inclined to throw things is to teach him to control himself and express his emotions more constructively. One way to do this is to train young children to use words to express the anger instead of actions (throwing). A child who stops long enough to yell, "I'm mad!" or "I'm frustrated!" has usually already bypassed the impulse to throw and redirected that energy into words. Personally, I would much rather hear my children verbally "vent" than have them throw pencils, blocks, or toys. My son, who is seven, often feels hugely burdened by having to do homework—so his tolerance for frustration is very low. I've taught him to talk about how he feels. I get an earful, then, if he's calm enough, I'll guide him through solving his problem. If he throws the pencil or tears his paper, he forfeits my help.
To help children redirect angry energy or the impulse to throw:
If your child loses it and throws something, you may want to use one of the following consequences:
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