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In past articles of this Appreciating Differences column, we have been looking at personality type and the four dimensions of behaviour it measures. The first letter of a psychological type (e.g. ENFJ) is the Extraversion-Introversion (E-I) dimension which measures where you get your energy -- from the outer world or your inner world. The second letter measures how we perceive the world either through the Sensing or Intuition (S-N) mental functions -- seeing the details or the possibilities. In this article we are examining how we make decisions using our Thinking or Feeling (T-F) mental functions -- being tough-minded or tenderhearted. The Thinking person looks at data and decides if it is true or false. The Feeling person looks at data and decides if it is good or bad, or beautiful or ugly.
When we use our Thinking function, we are making a decision based on objective data. Suppose you were going to buy a new couch. When you are using your Thinking mental function, you would have a set of criteria to work from: cost, ease of delivery, ability to dispose of the old couch, durability of the fabric, matching the decor, etc. Then you would systematically watch for flyers in the mail, look through catalogues, visit furniture stores, etc., until you found the one that most closely matched your criteria. You would likely have to make some compromises as there isn't likely to be the ideal couch that would fit all of your criteria.
Using the Feeling function, you would approach the problem in quite a different way. This time your feelings and values about couches would be important. Your decision would be based on more subjective criteria. You might want a couch like the one you grew up with at home because you liked to curl up on it as a child. You may fear it getting dirty, so you may choose one that can be covered in plastic. There would be more emphasis on how it feels to sit on it. If you have lots of friends visiting, you would be concerned about how they will like it and whether it makes them feel welcome and comfortable.
When we make a decision, we probably use some of both our Thinking and Feeling functions, but one is our preference. Now to compound the situation, let's look at a couple choosing a couch. Let's suppose the man has a preference for Thinking and the woman a preference for Feeling. The man is making charts and check-off forms to find the right couch. The woman is talking about how she feels about the couch and that she will know the right one when she sees it. It's a real "men are from Mars and women are from Venus" scenario. They each wonder where the other is coming from. Understanding their differences, they could use the man's objective skills and the woman's subjective skills to make a choice that will suit both of them. (Sometimes it is the man who has a preference for Feeling, while the woman has a preference for Thinking. In this case it is: Men are from Venus and women are from Mars.)
This is the one dimension where there is a distinct gender bias. There are slightly more men who have a preference for Thinking. However, when we look at women, seventy-five (75) percent have a preference for Feeling. So there is some basis for our gender stereotypes. But while the bias is true over all, it is not necessarily true for the individual. It still means that almost half of the men have a preference for Feeling, and a quarter of the women have a preference for Thinking. This can be a problem during childhood and even in later life. The Feeling boy finds that his Feeling values are not the accepted norm for boys. His behaviour can be ridiculed. One way for him to react is to be aggressive to cover up his more gentle feelings.
The opposite occurs with the Thinking girl. She does not seem to match the prevailing ideal of femininity. She too has to adapt her behaviour to fit in or become an outsider.
As parents you may notice how one child wants to know the "why" of everything. "Because I said so" doesn't cut it with the Thinking child. For the Feeling child, he wants to know you care. Discipline that is based on logical consequences works much better with the Thinking child. The child accepts the cause and effect concept of discipline. "You break it. You fix it." The Feeling child is much more sensitive to parental criticism. He needs to know you still love him even if his behaviour is not acceptable. Helping him understand the value of the object he broke has for you will have a greater impact on him than it would for the Thinking child. As a parent, you still need to invoke a penalty on the Feeling child, but he will likely need a lot of TLC with it as well.
In school the Thinking student respects the teacher if she is logical and fair. The Feeling student wants to know that the teacher cares about him and he has to care about the subject. The Thinking student who rejects the teacher may either become indifferent to the subject, learn it in spite of the teacher, or misbehave to annoy the teacher. The Feeling student who dislikes the teacher and/or the subject will focus a lot of energy on hate. He has difficulty separating his feeling from the task at hand, which is to pass the course. Both Thinkers and Feelers can be quite good at rationalizing their behaviour and feel quite justified. It is called "cutting off your nose to spite your face."
In the world of work, the Thinking function gets the edge. So many decision are made with a view to the bottom line. Does it make a profit for the stockholder? So what if we have to fire a few hundred workers. It will improve the profit margin. Over eighty (80) percent of executives have a preference for Thinking. The Feeling man can move up the corporate ladder, but it is not too common. Now we can see some of the hurdles that women face in the working world. Only a quarter of them have a preference for Thinking, and if a Thinking woman does get moved up into management, she is perceived as cold and heartless. There is no reason why those with a preference for Feeling, men or women, cannot do an excellent job at leading. They just do it differently. Society needs to give them a chance.
Since the overwhelming majority of managers are Thinkers, they need to be aware of how Feeling employees react. Comment like "don't take this personally, but ..." can't be taken any other way but personally by a Feeler. Feelers find criticism very difficult to cope with, even when they justly deserve it. One way for managers to handle a situation where the Feeling employee has messed up is to ask how the employee might improve on the task the next time. Follow-up is crucial, showing appreciation where warranted.
The task of leadership is to know the special gifts each employee brings to the job and to give the appreciation that the employee needs. The Thinking employee feels appreciated when the boss recognizes the quality of the work done. A "well done" can be a very effective motivator for the Thinking employee. The Feeling employee needs something more. He needs to know that the boss cares about him as a person and that his contribution is important to the team. The Feeling worker is the one likely to get up a collection when someone on staff is getting married, etc. The Feelers contribute greatly to the overall morale of a group. The hardline Thinking boss says, "You get paid to do a job. If you don't like it, there's the door." She isn't really aware of how powerful disgruntled feelings can be. A little TLC goes a long way, even with adults.
Much of the unrest in industry, government, and schools is caused by people feeling they don't matter. Bottom-line downsizing has had a devastating effect on worker morale. Why be loyal to your employer, when he isn't loyal to you. Being aware of our differences and doing something about it could make our society a much better place to be in.
The cutbacks in our social programs are a dysfunctional example of the Thinking preference. Our leaders need the balance of Feeling in their decisions. Having more women in the government may help, but we need to be sure that they are accessing their Feeling function and not just more of the Thinking function in a female form.
Feelers can be dysfunctional as well. They can be so concerned about others that they do not let others make choices for themselves. An example would be a group who decides that the community needs a youth drop-in centre. They raise the money, find accommodations, spare no expense, but the kids don't show up. No one involved the teens. The Feelers just "knew" what was best for them. Feelers can be very patronizing.
To see the Thinking-Feeling functions in their pure forms, just watch an episode of Star Trek. The super-rational Spock is an example of the Thinking function with minimal Feeling. He is almost robot-like in his reactions to people. His counterpart is Dr. McCoy who uses his Feeling function for many of his life and death medical decisions. Even with his scientific medical training he still follows his heart. Captain Kirk looks to these two men to give him counsel before he makes up his mind. We would all do well to have a Spock and Dr. McCoy to consult with, or at least make our decisions after using both our Thinking and Feeling functions.
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List of Articles by Jack Falt