According to Dr. Bowers midadolescence is characterized by the following characteristics.
- Fights with parents over social freedom.
- Lies more often to escape the consequences from wrongdoing or to get to do what is forbidden.
- Feels more peer pressure to go along with risk-taking in order to belong, including more pressure to use illegal substances to be accepted (Bowers, 2011).
This can be a very un-nerving time for parents as their children begin to push their boundaries out of the home and into their friend’s home and the world in general. These new steps for independence can be very pivotal in the growth and development of the child; therefore it is increasingly important for parents to maneuver this stage carefully without being motivated by fear.
At this stage it is also increasingly important for parents to remember that guilt, shame and fear are not healthy or proper motivators. It is my experience that when parents enter into this stage of parenting and their children start to push boundaries these three motivators often come into play. Parents become controlling and manipulative in order to maintain control over their child. It is often in these times that parents stop truly communicating with their children; they stop listening closely and often stop asking probing questions, as they may be scared of the honest answers.
This stage is often where “teenage rebellion” begins and often it is in response to the parents attempting to maintain control over their children for one reason or another. It is here that parents must strike a balance and make careful informed decisions and allow their children to begin to explore their world in a safe and healthy manner.
Parents should know where their children are at and whom they are with. Parents should be familiar with the homes their children visit and know the family dynamics of the home. Parents must remember that after immediate family members the next most likely place for children to be taken advantage of or at the very least be put in a compromising situation is when they are visiting the home of a friend or acquaintance.
Probably one of the most difficult tasks is for parents to maintain a positive open relationship with their children to facilitate in open and honest communication. Parents must continue to listen closely to their children and acknowledge their feelings whether they agree with them or not. Parents must intentionally spend quality and quantity time with there adolescent child and spend time doing what the child wants to do.