The Beggar's Opera (1728)
by John Gay
Act I, Scene 8
EDITOR'S NOTE:The original published text includes almost no stage directions I have added several to help clarify the action. You may be surprised to see how sexually frank an 18th Century musical could be.
The Scene: We are in the home of Peachum, a supposedly respectable businessman who actually fences stolen goods for professional thieves. He and Mrs. Peachum (his common-law wife) have just discovered that their daughter Polly has secretly married the infamous highwayman Captain Macheath, who is not present. (Note the contemptuous way that Mrs. Peachum dismisses the nobility, saying that a "Lord" is no better a husband than a thief).
AIR: To the tune of
"OH, LONDON IS A FINE TOWN"
(In a very great passion)
OUR POLLY IS A SAD SLUT!
NOR HEEDS WHAT WE HAVE TAUGHT HER.
I WONDER ANY MAN ALIVE
WILL EVER REAR A DAUGHTER.
FOR SHE MUST HAVE
BOTH HOOPS AND GOWNS
AND HOODS TO SWELL HER PRIDE,
WITH SCARFS AND STAYS
AND GLOVES AND LACE,
AND SHE WILL HAVE MEN BESIDE;
AND WHEN SHE'S DRESSED
WITH CARE AND COST,
ALL-TEMPTING FINE AND GAY,
AS MEN SHOULD SERVE A COWCUMBER,
SHE FLINGS HERSELF AWAY.
Married! The Captain is a bold man, and will risk anything for money -- to be sure, he believes her a fortune. Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together if ever we had been married? Baggage!
I knew she was always a proud slut; and now the wench hath played the fool and married, because forsooth she would do like the gentry. Can you support the expense of a husband, hussy, in gaming, drinking and whoring? Have you money enough to carry on the daily quarrels of man and wife about who shall squander most? There are not many husbands and wives who can bear the charges of plaguing one another in a handsome way. If you must be married, could you introduce nobody into our family but a highwayman? Why, thou foolish jade, thou wilt be as ill-used, and as much neglected, as if thou hadst married a lord!
Let not your anger, my dear, break through the rules of decency, for the Captain looks upon himself in the military capacity, as a gentleman by his profession. Besides what he hath already, I know he is in a fair way of getting, or of dying; and both these ways, let me tell you, are most excellent chances for a wife. Tell me, hussy, are you ruined or no?
With Polly's fortune, she might very well have gone off to a person of distinction. Yes, that you might, you pouting slut!
What, is the wench dumb? Speak, or I'll make you plead by squeezing out an answer from you. Are you really bound wife to him, or are you only upon liking? (Pinches Polly.)
How the mother is to be pitied who has handsome daughters! Locks, bolts, bars and lectures of morality are nothing to them they break through them all. They have as much pleasure in cheating a father and mother, as in cheating at cards.
Why, Polly, I shall soon know if you are married, by Macheath's keeping from our house.
AIR: To the tune of
"GRIM KING OF THE GHOSTS
CAN LOVE BE CONTROLLED BY ADVICE?
WILL CUPID OUR MOTHERS OBEY?
THOUGH MY HEART
WERE AS FROZEN AS ICE,
AT HIS FLAME
'TWOULD HAVE MELTED AWAY.
WHEN HE KISSED ME
SO CLOSELY HE PRESSED,
'TWAS SO SWEET
THAT I MUST HAVE COMPLIED:
SO I THOUGHT IT
BOTH SAFEST AND BEST
FOR FEAR YOU SHOULD CHIDE.
Then all the hopes for our family are gone for ever and ever!
And Macheath may hang his father and mother-in-law, in hope to get into their daughter's fortune.
I did not marry him (as 'tis the fashion) coolly and deliberately for honor or money. But I love him.
Love him! Worse and worse! I thought the girl had been better bred. O, husband, husband! Her folly makes me mad! My head swims! I'm distracted! I can't support myself O! (Faints.)
See, wench, to what a condition you have reduced your poor mother! A glass of cordial, this instant. How the poor woman takes it to heart. (Polly goes out and returns with the drink.) Ah hussy, now this is the only comfort your mother has left.
Give her another glass, sir my mama drinks double the quantity whenever she is out of order. This, you see, fetches her.
The girl shows such a readiness, and so much concern, that I could almost find it in my heart to forgive her.
AIR: To the tune of
"O JENNY, O JENNY,
WHERE HAST THOU BEEN"
O POLLY, YOU MIGHT
HAVE TOYED AND KISSED.
BY KEEPING MEN OFF
YOU KEEP THEM ON.
BUT HE SO TEASED ME
AND HE SO PLEASED ME,
WHAT I DID, YOU MUST HAVE DONE.
Not with a highwayman you sorry slut!