Have you heard of the law of reciprocity?
How about the golden ratio?
In essence, the law of reciprocity is the social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions. Reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative. Conversely, in response to hostile actions, a person is frequently just as hostile and in some cases, even more brutal in response.
This idea of Reciprocity is old. It’s possible that it is even part of our human DNA. Well, at least it’s something that human beings developed socially thousands of years ago. We do know that in the time of Hammurabi (c. 1792–1750 BC), the 6th king of the Babylonian Dynasty, there was the Hammurabi code, a collection of 282 laws and standards for citizens’ conduct. You’re probably familiar with the “eye for an eye” principle. That’s this code, specifically Law #196.
These laws of reciprocity showed up in the Torah and the ancient Israelite culture, and were the cornerstone of ancient Greece. In fact, you can look around the world and throughout history and find the rules of reciprocity. They seem to be a social norm for us as humans.
Now what about the golden ratio? In mathematics, two quantities are in the golden ratio if their ratio is the same as the ratio of their sum to the larger of the two quantities. Expressed algebraically: using quantities a and b: a > b > 0.
Yeah, I’m not great at math and especially not algebra. For some of you who are, I bet you get this right away. For me and for others, however, it may be helpful to consider the golden ratio in architecture, art, design, music, and nature. It’s helpful for me to see the spiral arrangements of snails or the patterns of the veins of leaves.
The golden ratio.
And it is both of these concepts—the golden ratio and the law of reciprocity, that lead us to something we’re all familiar with.
The so-called golden rule.
The golden rule, is of course: do to others that which you would want them to do to you. Pure, positive reciprocity.
The silver rule is the same, yet in the negative sense: do not to others that which you would not want them to do to you.
Pretty much every religious or faith tradition, as well as secular and humanist traditions, claim some form of the golden and/or silver rule. In fact, in interfaith work I have come across the golden rule countless times, as it is seen as the one universal concept that we can all agree on, in spite of many other competing truth claims. So on the surface the golden rule seems like a perfect ethic for all of humanity. Like the amazingly beautiful and mathematically perfect golden ratio, the golden rule may just be the one thing that can bind us all together.
Not exactly. Don’t get me wrong—when I am with people of differing traditions, conflicting opinions, and even very opposite beliefs than my own, the golden rule can be a comfortable place for us to find common ground. And of course I would like people to treat me as well as I treat them, especially if I treat them well, right?
But wait—the golden rule isn’t perfect, and that’s been proven throughout history and all over the world. Consider whether the golden rule works in situations of adversity and struggle, and especially in contexts of marginalization and totalitarianism. Sadly, we can see in our human history when people who were pushed to the margins were subjected to the golden rule while those in power were not.
We see this today. I for example, I would never tell my black or brown or other non-white friends, or my gay, lesbian, or transgender friends, who have been mistreated, to turn the other cheek when they are racially profiled. Anytime someone’s humanity is questioned, or their dignity taken away, how does the golden rule apply? If you were being oppressed, how would you react?
Obviously, I’m not advocating for revenge or violence or vitriolic reactions. But when hateful things are said and done to people, I have a hard time telling them to be passive and to just accept what’s been done.
No, I think we sometimes overlook that the golden rule is nuanced and has layers to it, according to the context. And it was no different for Jesus of Nazareth, a Jew raised by the law of Leviticus in the Torah: love your neighbor as you love yourself.
But love your neighbor seems different than just “do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Love your neighbor? It feels different than “don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you.”
Love. Your. Neighbor.
Of course, Jesus posed the “who is your neighbor” question with parables, and it never turned out the way people thought. Their neighbors, as it turned out, were not the ones closest to them, and were often even perceived enemies like the Samaritans or tax collectors. And so that’s what I mean when I say we sometimes overdo it with the golden rule, because we hear these words in Luke’s Gospel:
Love: your enemies, do good to those who hate, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you; if someone hits you in the face, let them do it again; if someone steals clothes from you, give them more.
Really, if you take your time and look at these words, they are triggering, are they not? There is NO WAY that I’m telling people I know who have been bullied to love the bullies and let them stay bullies. There is NO CHANCE that I’m telling anyone who has suffered abuse of any kind to just pray for their abusers. If a friend is cursed by another, I’m not telling my friend to bless that person. If someone steals stuff, they should be rewarded? If someone smacks you in the face, you should just let it go and say: “Please sir, may I have another?” And really? We have to do good to those who hate us?
Wow, Jesus, what was in that glass of wine you drank?
But remember that with Jesus there is always something subversive and contextual. Yes, preachers and churches and politicians have used even the teachings of Jesus to propagate misogyny, prejudice, racism, war, hate, and their own agendas.
But when Jesus said to LOVE it was not a feeling, it was an action, and it always circled back [or spiraled] to the reciprocal triad of love: love God, love yourself, love others.
Those three always went together and interchanged. If you love the Creator, then it follows that you love all of creation—all living beings. And you love yourself, and you love the other humans you encounter because you all belong together.
In the case of an enemy, agape love isn’t about being a doormat or excusing terrible behavior. In fact, love of enemy can mean confrontation of evil and resistance. Cue Martin Luther King, Jr. who we often point to as a U.S. pioneer of non-violent protest and resistance to bring about major social change. This is what love of enemy looks like. Likewise, Jesus’ contextual view of hate was that some people hated and cursed others simply because of their nationality or ethnicity or their religion. Jesus was flipping over the tables of people’s prejudice and challenging their own biases.
And no, Jesus is NOT telling anyone who has been abused to just accept it. It’s the opposite. Take a look at the “turn the other cheek” thing. Context: the one striking you on your cheek would have been your master. Remember that slavery was alive and well in Jesus’ time. If a master wanted to discipline a servant, he would assert his authority by striking your right cheek with the back of his right hand. That was proper striking etiquette. Now picture this happening, and after you’re struck on the right cheek, you stand there and turn your head to show your left cheek. It would be impossible for the master to strike your left cheek with the back of his right hand. This becomes an act of resistance, as you break the so-called etiquette of acceptable violence and expose the master’s powerlessness.
Let’s get down to it. There is no perfect ethical code or moral law. This is what gets us into trouble and how we end up giving way too much power and authority to a small group of people. No, the power and universality is in the agape love-act itself. What binds us all together on this messed-up, chaotic, seemingly fragmented planet is agape love. It’s not a feeling, not some impossible dream or wishful thinking. Agape love can be resistance, solidarity, subversive, compassionate justice, prophetic, paradigm shifting, difference-embracing, counter-culture, and downright dangerous for the oppressors, the authoritarians, the haters, and the manipulators.
Love. Of the Creator and all creation. Love. For yourself as you are. Love for others.
These three great loves are one, and they truly are golden.