TZETZES, CHILIADES 5
CHILIADES BOOK 5, TRANSLATED BY KONSTANTINOS RAMIOTIS
5.1 CONCERNING THE SHOUT OF THE TROJANS AND THE SILENCE OF THE GREEKS (STORY 17)
Homer, praising the battle formation of the Greeks
 And mocking the Trojans for theirs,
Sings this verse in the third book of the Iliad:
“The Trojans went forth clanging and roaring like birds”.
But he speaks thus of the Greeks:
“But the Achaeans marched forward in silence
Ready in their hearts to protect one another”.
And similar verses you’ll find in this passage.
5.2 CONCERNING THE VERSE: “BUT I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE AND GO BACK TO THE CROWD” (STORY 18)
Thus spoke Achilles to Aeneas in the nineteenth book of the Iliad
For the following reason:
Aeneas came out to challenge Achilles in combat
 And the latter said not a few words to him:
“Should you even consider taking me back to Priam as a spoil of war,
Bear this in mind, kill me you can not, Aeneas;
So go back and mix with the crowd and do not dare fight me”.
5.3 CONCERNING THE PHRASE: “BUT THE CHILDREN OF THE UNFORTUNATE ONES” (STORY 19)
And Homer tells us in the seventh book of the Iliad
That Diomedes spoke thus to Glaucus, fixing his gaze on him
(This Glaucus was Hippolochus’ son, Bellerephon’s grandson
And he wore the whole armament of the latter.
 He was the one to go out and fight Diomedes,
Since cowardice had conquered the rest of the Trojans):
“Who are you, grandest of men? Are you some god,
Or maybe a wizard or a sage or an enchanter,
Or some elemental of one of the four kinds that exist,
Namely fire, wind, water, iron or stone?
For against such forces I wish not to wage a war”.
And Lycurgus came to be hated by all the gods, when he drove Dionysus away,
And he died by an axe at the hands of the Bacchants, short-lived and blinded by great Zeus.
 Learn the allegory behind this -for who will leave without benefit
from one of Tzetzes’ stories?:
This Lycurgus, as they say, did not live long;
You see he went against natural order and powers beyond him.
He was king of Thrace and imposed upon the Thracians the notion
That one should not plant vines.
And every vine he chopped down with an axe
Or put on fire or pulled out from the root.
Every vine owner and producer of wine fled to the outer boarders
And there he kept cultivating vines.
 In the end, Lycurgus totally lost his mind,
And blindness took hold of him by the will of Zeus, as the myths tell.
The mind can both see and listen, according to Epicharmus.
Every other part is blind altogether, when the mind is absent.
So, he lost his mind due to his abstinence from wine
And stopped sleeping, became totally dry
And him many such things plagued because of not drinking.
Then it dawned on him to cut the vines
So he was led to a fast death by the community.
And Diomedes said the following words to Glaucus:
“If you are a man made of stone or iron or if you are some kind of wizard,
 In no way would I desire a fight against such a man.“
Lycurgus, the one we just mentioned,
By losing his mind and cutting down the vine trees,
Made his days counted, for he was murdered by the people
Or by the very nature he went against after losing his mind.
If you happen to be a mere bread- eating man like me,
Dare challenge me in battle and you will meet your doom.
It is only the fools’ children who put up a fight against me.
5.4 CONCERNING THE MOLIONIDS (STORY 20)
The Molionids were among the lords of the Elians
 And about them informs Homer through old Nestor’s mouth;
“And so, they slew the Molionids,
Who were sons of Actorion and Molione.”
But they were in fact more ancient than Nestor thinks,
These two thieves, Passalus and Aclemon.
And the name “Molionids” is inaccurate,
At least for those who are thorough when writing history.
For they were the sons of Memnonid’s widow
And by displaying what they had stolen and by demonstrating the benefits to be gained from murder,
 They even scorned their own mother, who told them:
“You have not yet crossed paths with a man of real might.”
So, one time, when Heracles was weary and had fallen asleep,
They sneaked up on him and began searching his sack.
So, he seized them and tied up their feet
And hanged them on his shoulders,
The one from the front side, the other hanging down his back.
And so he carried on his journey.
As they were hanging about, facing each other,
 They saw Heracles’ hairy buttocks and genitalia
Covered as they were in thick black hair, which reminded them of their mother.
And they right away burst into laughter, lots of loud laughter.
And when Heracles learned who they were, he set them free.
This gave birth to the famous saying.
But which historian described this story in detail I know not.
Sure it was Lycophron, who says that Alexander Paris
Was at the bottom of the list of cowardly men.
Theologus and thousands of others have also written about these things.
5.5 CONCERNING CACUS (STORY 21)
 This man, Cacus, was a thief and a cunning one at that.
He was active in those places where Rome now lies.
As Heracles was passing by with Geryon’s cows,
Cacus stole many of them and led them backwards into his cave-lair.
In this way, should one see the tracks the cows had left,
One would think they were exiting the cave instead of entering.
But Heracles was not tricked and so, he recaptured the cows
And he slew Cacus on the spot.
Dion and Dionysius have already told about Cacus in their work
 And so have many others who have written about Rome.
5.6 CONCERNING THE CENTAUR ASBOLUS (STORY 22)
Heracles, serving Eurystheus for twelve years,
Happened to carry out side tasks apart from his twelve labours.
One of those tasks concerned Asbolus.
So listen now and learn the story in detail:
The centaur Pholus offers Heracles hospitality-
From this Pholus takes Pholoe, the mountain, its name-
And, offering Heracles wine to drink,
He opened a jar of the centaur’s wine.
 The smell from the wine spread through the air,
Signaling Asbolus’ call towards all centaurs to come and fight Heracles.
Even Chiron came against his will and he took an arrow in the knee.
And Elatus he pierced with his bow in the arm
And he fell on his knees and he killed him with ease.
In that manner, using his bow, slew Heracles most of the centaurs.
But Asbolus, the one responsible for the battle,
Him he crucified and beneath he wrote an appropriate epigram-
 For this man, Heracles, was wise indeed,
An astrologer and poet, philosopher and sage,
A doctor as well and much more than that,
Whatever it is that Orpheus and others tell of him.
This epigram is to be found in one of the epistles:
“Asbolus, fearless of both god and men,
Hangs now from a thick and juicy pine-tree,
Great meal to the insatiable crows”.
5.7 CONCERNING ONE OF DIONYSIUS’ VERSES: “EVEN THE STUPIDEST OF MEN MOCK THEM” (STORY 23)
This man, Dionysius, who was Hermocrates’ son,
Was tyrant of the Sicilians and to him was Plato three times sold.
 As some writers fond of lies have written,
When he was asked where the best copper is to be found, he replied
And said to him that it is the one from which the statues of Armodius and Aristogeiton in Athens are made.
For they were revered in this manner due to their being tyrant-killers.
They killed Hipparchus, son of Pisistratus.
That was the first pretext that caused Plato to be sold as slave.
The second one, not lesser to the first,
Is that Dionysius was defeated by Plato at composing oratory
 And so the former sold him.
But this one is also false; listen now to Tzetzes and know the truth!
At that time there was a man, Philoxenus,
A dithyrambic poet -you’ll learn who he was-,
Whom it was worth to sell as a slave.
But even though he behaved offensively against Dionysius,
The latter never sold him as a slave.
Only once was he sent to the quarry
But Dionysius soon pulled him out.
And it was for this reason that he got put there in the first place:
 Dionysius had written a tragic play
Which was to be celebrated on the Athenian stage.
That play he gave Philoxenus and said:
“Make this a worthy tragedy, Philoxenus!
And should you find any faults therein, erase them in a meaningful manner”.
And he erased the whole play, first line to last.
So, how many times was he supposed to be sold then?
Well, Dionysius sent him only once to the quarry
And withdrew him almost immediately.
But how could someone who held others to be wiser than him
 And gave them his own scripts to correct
Not sell them as slaves, when they openly mocked him,
How could he have sold Plato for beating him in oratory composition?
For it is not true; in fact it is one of the most hideous lies.
You see, Plato was caught plotting against him
(By motivating Dionysius’ nephew, Dion, to take the sceptre).
So, the wise Plato was three times sold but not once put to death.
That man, Dionysius, had presented many tragic plays in Athens,
Winning second and third positions.
 With a play though called Hector’s Ransom
He won first place, beating everyone in Athens.
In that play, which was written against Plato
And which was more so a comedy than tragedy,
I believe he started out with this verse:
“Even the stupidest of men mock them”.
So now you are holding the stories of the first epistle;
You’ll find they are twenty three in number.
By writing dozens of epistles at first,
We then judge which ones should be kept
 And the rest we put aside…
And after the first epistle we must of course write
the second one and third as well.
The stories are four hundred ninety six in number,
Twenty preceded these and then three more
They total up five hundred ten plus nine more.
And another hundred forty and one are now lining up
At the gates of the book.
So, this book consists of a group of six hundred sixty stories,
No more no less.
 The ones plundered and stolen from their lofty homes,
These are not to be regarded. But you can write them down,
Should you come across them.
The stories from the onset of this second epistle, until the end of the hundred and seven epistles.
5.8 CONCERNING ATLAS: THE FIRST STORY (STORY 1)
Atlas from Libya, as the children of the Egyptians say
And those that follow Sophides the Chronographer,
Lived in the time of Osiris and Dionysus and Noah
And Hermes Trismegistos, founder of the art of writing,
At the time of Hermes and Prometheus and Heracles and Typhon,
Who were all Egyptians; forget about the Greek counterparts.
When Osiris- Dionysus, whom one might also call Noah,
Was in the land of Nyssa, a fertile land of the Arabian plains,
 And then again in the Indian land of Nysa, he found viticulture.
And then on the Armenian mountain of Luvar,
As the Chaldeans and many generations of Armenians say,
This man found viticulture,
Cultivation of plants and agriculture and many things of necessity
And, setting out to teach them to mankind,
He left Hermes to his wife as a consultant,
The Hermes who had found all things needed for human life,
And to him he gave Prometheus as an assistant
 And Bousiris to guard the land of Phoenice;
Antaeus he made general of Libya
With an army and farmers and groups of dancing women
And he marched through India to Asia,
Proving himself to be a benefactor of art wherever he went.
So, when he left, Typhon, his brother,
Turned against his brothers and put together an army,
Hoping to seize thus the throne and become a tyrant.
But all this was perceived by Hermes and Heracles
 And, so, he fled from the land of Egypt to Cilicia
With few supporters and money resources.
He waged war against Osiris, who was his relative
And won the first time.
But Osiris Dionysus defeated Typhon eventually,
After Hermes managed to persuade his troops to turn against him.
From these facts did the mythographers make up the story
That Typhon cut off the chord from Zeus’ bow
And defeated Zeus gloriously after hiding it in a leather sack.
 But Hermes stole it and returned it to Zeus
Who gained the upper hand and defeated Typhon.
This seems more realistic when detached from rhetorical allegory,
For Osiris is now said to have been a king
(And people of old used to address every king as Zeus)
And Typhon his brother, that was his name.
And you should know that the name Zeus
Also signified the cosmic order and mild weather,
Which, being altered by typhoons and storms and violent winds,
 Caused this confusions of terms in times ancient
Had it not been for the fire and light of Hermes,
Which dispersed the confusion of elements,
A new order of things would have taken hold.
So, know that Zeus represents the mind under the lenses of allegory,
For the mind is defeated by typhus, which cuts off its central chord
Until Hermes, who reflects reasoning, restores it to its original state.
But since I have taken up the task of narrating these things in a truthful manner,
When Osiris-Dionysus defeated Typhon,
He threw him and his first commanders in prison
 And against Bousiris of Phoenice and Anteus the Libyan
He sent Heracles.
So Heracles, marching against the Libyan land,
Slew Anteus, who was as tall as sixty times the length of an arm,
Fighting him outside the land he occupied.
For he knew not how to win in places unfamiliar to him.
And he had to face the earth there, Anteus’ mother,
For she engaged in combat herself after her son fell.
So, Heracles killed him in the Libyan land,
Where he also learned the art of astronomy by Atlas,
 Its very creator.
That’s why they say that Atlas bears the sky on his back
And Heracles relieved him of the task by carrying it himself.
Such are the narrations of the Egyptians regarding Atlas.
But the Greeks, jealous of the Egyptian story,
Add another Atlas to the picture,
Irrelevant to Heracles, son of Alcmena
Or Atlas the descendant of Iapetus.
He lived four generations before Pelops came to be
And so he is much later than the first Atlas,
As both Jews and Greek tell in their stories:
 Namely forty six generations
And from Heracles only two or three generations apart.
But the art of star divination that Atlas possessed
And that Heracles the Egyptian later learned,
They ascribe to Heracles the son of Alcmena
And Atlas the Libyan.
The wise Homer, describing things more naturally,
Named the movement of the celestial sphere between the two poles
And during the first part of this celestial movement,
 Heracles, who represents the sun, circles around the sphere.
5.9 CONCERNING THE SAYING ABOUT THE “WELL-MASKED PRETEXT” (STORY 2)
Know that these phrases are of exotic nature
And they have a feeling of decency and grandeur as well
And make speech seem of more elevated style.
And instead of using a form related, he says:
“Use no alluring pretext against me”.
And though this second word is one hard to the ear,
It smooths and softens the phrase,
As if though one had used the first one.
 “Use no alluring pretext against me”.
“And don’t tinker with nothingness, you’ll just be talking in vain”.
This is a hard word and one that embellishes speech as well.
Not like Lycophron, who chose smooth words, namely chords and playing the phorminx.
These words said Lycophron to Alexander:
“You should not have Helen by means of the chord-drumming guitarists”.
5.10 CONCERNING THE CHARACTERIZATION OF MENELAUS AS “AUTOMATIC” BY HOMER (STORY 3)
Homer somewhere near the end of the second book
 Presents Agamemnon calling the best of the Achaeans
To sacrifice to Zeus with the following words:
“Call forth the best of the Achaean elders,
Nestor first and king Idomeneus
And then the two Ajaxes and the son of Tydeus
And a sixth man, Odysseus, equal to Zeus in cunning.
And the eloquent Menelaus came on his own initiative”.
5.11 CONCERNING THE LACONIC BREVITY OF SPEECH (STORY 4)
It is Homer who first describes the brevity of the Laconians,
When he speaks thus of Lacon, a contemporary of Menelaus
 In the third book of the Iliad:
“But as they were weaving words and crafting arguments,
Menelaus would talk fast, saying not too many but pleasant things,
For he is not one to chatter
And not one to speak falsely, although he is younger in age”.
It is Homer, thus, who first described this brevity of the Laconians
And historians have also written about it,
Of how the Laconians received a long letter once, that contained the following words:
“If you do not abide by this and that
 We will put together an army, prepare the cavalry
And cross the river Evrotas with ease.
With numerous and dense troops we will engage you in combat
And in the blink of a moment we will devastate Sparta and Laconia
And turn it into grazing fields among many other calamities we’ll bring upon you.”
Six epistles were barely enough for all these threats.
The Laconians replied with only a “yes” in paper
And they sent it back.
5.12 CONCERNING SOLON, HOW HE DID NOT COME TO ADMIRE CROESUS, WHEN THEY MET (STORY 5)
In our narration regarding Croesus we talked about Solon-
This is the first of all stories found herein-.
 But then again we shall refer to the things we must
And the things we omitted, for they were not considered necessary.
Dracon was the first to set written laws for the Athenians,
Merciless, imposing the penalty of death for all crimes, even for stealing a cabbage.
So, Demades, who was a very handsome orator
But even more impressive when performing,
Received great reputation through the following words:
“It seems, O Judges, that Dracon, the law-writer
Has written these laws with blood and not with ink.”
 Seven years after Dracon’s legal institutions
Solon became the second legislator for the people of Attica.
But Thales, who was Solon’s friend and who lived his life
Without legal constraints,
Never expressed his objection. But when Solon was writing the laws,
He said to him: “It is useless things that you are struggling with, Solon.
Laws are like the webs of a spider;
They can capture all things weak and small
But can be easily broken by the strong ones”.
Solon then decided to leave Athens for ten years,
 And leave his legislation to be tested,
Should the Athenians decide to follow it.
And so, he came to Miletus, Thales’ homeland.
Thales made known to one of the Milesians
That someone from Athens was now among them.
Solon asked him whether some novel incident had occurred
And he replied that a young man had died soon after his father left.
The city bid the young lad a last farewell.
When Solon asked whether it was Solon’s son,
Thales replied that it was his indeed.
 Solon began to weep and tear his hair off
But Thales burst in laughter and embraced the man,
Confessing: ”It is all a trick of mine, so stop crying, Solon!
What has deprived me of marriage and having children
The very same things now befell you, O great Solon!”
This is what happened to Solon in Miletus.
And once he found himself in Sardeis, in Lydia,
When Croesus had invited him, as we’ve already told,
And showed him the treasures for which he boasted greatly,
So that Solon would consider him the happiest of men.
 But when Solon did not at all praise him as a happy man,
He was bluntly dismissed, as we’ve described.
When Aesop saw him in this state, he said:
“O philosopher Solon, to the kings must one tell
What they want to hear or otherwise keep silent”.
And he replied: “O Aesop, to the kings must one say the truth
Or otherwise not say a word.”
5.13 CONCERNING THE BIRD PHOENIX (STORY 6)
The Phoenix is a bird unique,
More beautiful than the peacock and bigger in size
And with golden plumage, a wonderful and exotic sight.
 It builds its nest of delightful smell on trees
And when it dies is born again as a worm from that tree
And then is nourished by the sun and turns into a Phoenix once again.
He then migrates to Egypt and dies in Ethiopia,
As Philostratus tells us in his Life of Apollonius.
Chaeremon, the Egyptian sage-priest,
Has made clear in his teachings of the arcane and sacral matters
That the Phoenix dies at the age of seven thousand and six years
In the land of the Egyptians.
5.14 CONCERNING THE UNICORN (STORY 7)
The unicorn is a scent loving animal
 And has a horn on its forehead.
They hunt it down by luring it with nice odours.
They dress up one of the most handsome young lads as a woman
And smear him with the most wondrous perfumes.
They place him just outside the beast’s lair
And then hide. When the wind blows
It draws the beast out.
The young man opens his arms wide
And the splendid odour emanates; he then embraces the animal.
While it is stunned by the scent,
 The hunters emerge and cut off its horn,
Which induces resistance to poison
And the beast then runs off half-horned.
5.15 CONCERNING THE BIRDS THAT ARE ALSO CALLED HARPIES (STORY 8)
Ictinus is a type of bird that we also call Harpy,
One that steals the baby birds from roosters.
The say that it only drinks rain water
Whenever rainfalls are frequent.
Now you shall learn the difference between ictinus and ictis,
For they are not the same bird, as some might think.
 Ictinus is the bird I’ve just described
But ictis is a four-legged wildcat that preys on birds.
5.16 CONCERNING HOW LIONS NEVER TOUCH A CORPSE (STORY 9)
Lions are predators and, just like eagles,
They never feast on dead bodies.
And what living thing they catch and eat,
That they will not touch later on, should they leave it aside.
The same goes for eagles; and they say
That foul odour is the cause for their repulsion
And loss of taste.
So, they never eat the leftovers of their food.
 But I think their issue is that both animals are kings and arrogant as such,
The eagle among birds and the lion among predators.
Don’t make me tell you about those eagles or lions
That are either jailers or jailed; I know not.
But I think they wouldn’t eat a dead animal
But rather just the viscera or the placenta.
There was a lion in the time of Apollonius,
Which, he said, carried the soul of Amasis.
Should you hear one of Homer’s verses
 “As a lion he was pleased leaning over the dead corpse”
Don’t think, as some idiots do, that the body is really dead
Or that Homer is unfamiliar with the nature of lions.
Know that what he has in mind is a living body with blood still in its veins.
5.17 CONCERNING THE PUNISHMENT OF TANTALUS (STORY 10)
Tantalus was Plutus’ and king Tmolus’,
Ruler of Lydia, son.
From him took the Lydian mountain Tmolus its name
And over these Lydians would later on king Croesus reign.
I have no clue why Sophocles thinks he is of Phrygian origin,
When he says that Pelops is a Phrygian barbarian of old.
 But if Tmolus fathered Tantalus in Lydia
And Tantalus then Pelops, how is it then that they be called Phrygians, O Sophocles?
But although Tantalus, as I’ve said, is Tmolus’ son,
The Greeks think of him as a son of Zeus, king that he is.
For the Greeks used to call all kings “Zeus”.
The Lydians and the Ionians of Ephesus
Called all their kings Palmys, in the same manner.
Learn now the story regarding the punishment of Tantalus.
Tantalus was an archpriest and a physician
And he lost divine favour
 After disclosing the secrets of the mysteries to the uninitiated.
He used to tell that the sun is no crystal or fire object
But a mere stone; how doubtful that is.
That’s why the myths say that Tantalus was once among the gods,
Sat at their table and in their company
But then he stole the ambrosia and the nectar
And gave them to the mortals, as Pindar narrates.
So he was banished from all honours and the common table of the gods
And came down amidst men, who are fast to meet their doom.
 Others, Like Euripides, say that it was his big mouth’s fault,
Because he disclosed the secrets of the gods to men.
But these are all one and the same, the ambrosia and nectar
And the hidden secrets of the gods.
That’s why he was banished; no secretive man was he.
His disclosing the mysteries to the uninitiated,
An act for which he lost his priestly office,
Was then mixed with those other myths by the people of days gone by.
And it was his opinion regarding the sun,
How it was merely a stone in the sky,
 That, some say, led to his disgrace among the gods.
He got thrown out by the gods and grappling the air,
He gazed at the sun, which stood as a stone above his head.
This, they say, was his punishment when he was still alive.
By crafting this story in an educative manner, they point out to living men
That one should do no crime or indecency.
Tantalus was punished and they would be punished as well.
When he died, though, he faced even heavier penalties.
He was made suffer from hunger and thirst in the following manner:
He was hung above the middle of a lake with his lips touching the water
With apple-trees and pomegranate-trees and fig-trees around
 In fruit abounding.
But should he want to drink, it would all turn dry in an instant
And if he desired a fruit from the trees to satisfy his hunger,
The wind would blow it away towards the shady clouds.
So there you have both of Tantalus’ punishments,
The ones he suffered while still breathing, told as an allegory,
For bad and dishonest men fall into Hades,
So as not to cause further harm to the living.
5.18 CONCERNING WHY EROS CARRIES A BOW AND A FIRE AND HAS WINGS (STORY 11)
 The painters depict Eros as a young and handsome boy
Carrying a bow and a torch
And having wings, with a dolphin at his side and a medicinal grass-herb.
His wings and the dolphin symbolize that he holds reign over sky, land and sea.
And when they portrait him as an archer and torch-bearer
It means he wounds and burns the hearts of the enamoured.
And he is also young and handsome,
For loving and being loved is more appropriate to youth,
More so to so beautiful a youth.
5.19 CONCERNING UNJUST FATE ACCORDING TO JOSEPHUS (STORY 12)
 In the book concerning the taking of Jerusalem
The splendid Josephus, the Hebrew historian,
Openly declared fate to be cruel
For it has become so, that petty men
Are more highly regarded than those that are decent
By those that rule or hold the kingship.
But even dogs and deer and sometimes even bears,
Domestic cats and thousands of other beasts
Used to serve people once.
Pyrrhus honoured the eagle and Nicomedes the dog
 And Perseus the deer and the bear among others.
Thousands of others honoured many other beasts
Like the domestic cat, the mouse-eating kind,
As did our emperor’s, Monomachus’, wife,
Who called her cat Mehlebe.
They say that one time, when that animal got stuck on a rooftop,
The wife of Augustus said to the senate:
“O lords, my dear Mehlebe got stuck on the edge of a roof”.
They blushed from shame and could not but laugh;
They said to each other with a faint smile on their faces:
 “Do you see how our empress’ beloved Mehlebe suffers?”
That cat of the kingly throne used to eat all kinds of foods every day
In golden containers; not a thing would be missing.
It had its own slaves for shopping, preparing its meals,
Carrying his basket around, making bread
And all kinds of servants,
As the richest among men usually do.
This in the time of Mehlebe; for now we have some doggy
That moves around in the empress’ embrace
 And enjoys the same food and all the aforementioned.
And how can he but eat from silver plates, not plates from gold,
Since there are people out there who have no bread to eat?
So, for all these reasons that excellent Hebrew historian
Names fate cruel; he is justified for doing so.
5.20 THE OLD WORDS CHEIROMACTRON AND MAGDALIA (STORY 13)
Cheiromactron is a linen used on the table
To clean the hands of dirt.
The remains of this dirt that have been washed off,
Remains of dough, cheese, meat and fish
That are then thrown to the dogs or pigs,
Are called magdalia.
5.21 ON THE OLD TRADITION OF THOSE THAT WERE STILL ALIVE TO SAY THREE TIMES OUT LOUD THE NAME OF THE ONE THAT HAD DIED ABROAD, HOPING TO GET BACK TO THEIR HOMELAND (STORY 14)
 In days of yore, the relatives of those that had died abroad
Called thrice their names,
As Homer tells us in the third book of the Iliad.
This they did as a sign of remembrance of their affection
And so that one might weep along, should he hear the exclamations.
5.22 CONCERNING THE OLD ROMAN TRADITION OF NOT GOING TO WARS UNDECLARED BUT ANNOUNCING THEM BEFOREHAND BY THROWING A SPEAR ON THE GROUND AND STARTING THUS THE WAR (STORY 15)
The Roman and Latin nations would never march to a war undeclared
But they would throw a spear before the foreign land
To openly declare their enmity.
Then would the war begin against that foreign nation.
 That’s what Diodorus says, who writes of all things Roman.
This is an old war practice.
Now it has ceased, I think, to exist.
They just throw a rooster in the land against which they are waging war.
5.23 CONCERNING THE REASONS FOR WHICH THEY ARE CALLED AUSONES AND THEIR LAND’S EXTENT (STORY 16)
Ausonia takes its name from the Ausonians,
Who in turn take theirs from Ausonus, son of Odysseus, according to some.
For Odysseus had Telegonus and Ausonus and Casiphone
 With the legendary Circe,
As every truth-respecting historian writes.
Listen now to Tzetzes, who calls them all moronic.
For how could Odysseus have all three children in a year?
One every four months? Or does the womb spit them forth all at once?
Well, that’s the way horned goats are born in the land of Libya
And in Italy men are born after spending four months in the womb.
So, from Ausonus, who was born after four months,
Takes Ausonia its name, as they say.
Others, however, say that it was from an older Ausonus,
Son of Italus, king of the land.
But bear in mind that one should use the name Ausones
 Only for the Aurugians,
Who lived along the coast, next to the Volscians and the Campanians.
They then spread out to all parts of Italy.
5.24 CONCERNING HOW JOHN TZETZES IS AN IBERIAN FROM HIS MOTHER’S SIDE BUT PURE GREEK FROM THE SIDE OF HIS FATHER (STORY 17)
The mother of John Tzetzes’ mother,
The historian and writer of chronicles,
Was of Massagetian bloodline, from the area of Abasgis.
The Iberians and the Abasgids and the Alans are all one nation.
The Iberians hold first position among them and second come the
Abasgids; the Alans are last among the three.
 Along with lady Mariam the Abasgid
Whom many wrongly hold to be an Alan,
She came to Megalopolis as her fake relative
And was taken under her wing
Just like our own Aspae was by Catae.
She begot Constantine the Great, famous ruler,
Great Minister and Reverent throughout his life,
Father of the legendary city officer.
After the death of his reputable wife
He fathered Tzetzes’ grandmother
 From one of his respectable wife’s consorts,
Namely the concubine of Iasitus
And her he elevated to the same rank as his,
The only one she was to receive such honour.
Her mother became the queen,
The renowned Eudocia,
From whom three more generations originated.
Her husband was a great field owner
Who held abundant land of the state in his possession.
After he died, she would still say his name as if he was alive.
 He had three daughters and one of them, Eudocia, was Tzetzes’ mother.
So now you know that Tzetzes is an Iberian from his mother’s side.
His father was Michael and he trained him
In oratory and politic just like Cato did with his own son.
This Michael was John Tzetzes’ son,
Who was an illiterate man
And many a time hosted he wise men in his manor of five floors
With the accompaniment of music and luxuries that surpass even the celebrations of matrimony.
 And the father of this last one was raised by a woman of Byzantium
And, although he lied safe and sound in his grave,
He was bestowed the name of citizen of Constantinople by the nuns of
The so-called Monastery of Euphrosyne,
Who had no idea what the term even meant.
Inquire these nuns about the wonders he has achieved.
So Tzetzes is an Iberian from his mother’s side.
But from her father and his own father
He is of pure Greek origin.
5.25 CONCERNING PHESTIUS’ PROPHECY REGARDING MUNICHIA, A LOCATION IN ATHENS (STORY 18)
When Phestius Epimenides, son of some Phestius from Crete,
 Came to Athens, he saw Munichia,
Which is a location near the Athenian port,
And realizing that it would bring trouble upon the Athenians
He spoke prophetically and his words sounded as follows:
“If the Athenians knew how many troubles
Munichia will inflict upon them,
They would crash it with their teeth, as if it was bread in their mouths.”
5.26 CONCERNING CECROPS (STORY 19)
Cecrops was the foremost ruler of Attica
And the first one at that; they called him double-born,
Because he had the size of two men,
 Was fluent in both the Egyptian and the Greek tongue,
And had the lower body of a dragon but the upper parts of man.
Demosthenes, alas, wanted to craft an allegory,
But he was only suitable for courts.
The Cecropids say that Cecrops
Had the power of a dragon and the intelligence of man.
But Tzetzes, who is more prudent, believes that when that man was king,
He defeated the barbarian tribes in combat
And they were so much benefited by his mercy
That they became attached to him and desired no separation.
 And for another reason they call Cecrops double-born.
In ancient times the women of Greece would not marry their men legally
But like beasts they would respond to every man’s desire.
Hence, the children were single-born,
Knowing only who their mother was, their father they knew not.
So, after the great cataclysm in the city of Saeai in Egypt,
(the name means Athena in the Egyptian tongue)
Cecrops came to Athens
 And gave the city its name after Saeai.
And among the many things he did for the Greeks
He established laws for women to engage in legal matrimony
And the children came to know their fathers as well,
Whereas it was only their mother that they knew before.
So, Cecrops got to be called double-born for these institutions of his.
He was the first Athenian king
And from him are all the Athenians now called Cecropids.
Then reigned Cranaus and Amphictyo was the third ruler,
Whom Erichthonius dethroned and became himself king;
 He was Hephaestus’ and Athena’s, Cranaus’ daughter’s, son.
Pandio was son of Praxithea and Erichthonius.
Zeuxippe and Pandio fathered Erechtheus
And then Philomela, Procne and Boutis.
Then Erechtheus and Praxithea fathered Cecrops.
Pandion was son of the latter and of Metadiouse
And from Pandio and Peleia Aigeus was born.
He had daughters from Autocthe
And a bastard son, Theseus, from Dithra.
Acamas and Demophon are Theseus’ and Phaedra’s sons.
 After Erechtheus, father of the second Cecrops,
Was the appellation “Erecthids” instilled upon the Athenians.
5.27 CONCERNING THE FACT THAT LEPREION IS A LOCATION, BUT LEPREOS IS THE DESIGNATION FOR THE LEPER (STORY 20)
Lepreion is a place in Triphylia,
And they say that lepers sprang forth out of stones there
And the whole area was soon polluted with leprosy.
Lepers are now called leprous men (lepreios),
After losing the iota;
Just like the word it should have a diphthong.
 The words that end in –aios follow the ou– declension and always have a diphthong.
So, there we have adjectives like antaius and tauraius
And lepraius belongs to this category as well.
Remember now that all these need a diphthong.
And the words ending in -eas
Belong to the a- declension and take the gravis,
Like anteas and taureas and lepreas.
These things seem clear, why should one further describe them?
5.28 CONCERNING THE MEANINGS OF THE WORDS TITANUS AND SCIRRUS (STORY 21)
Sceiron, written with a diphthong, was a thief in Megara,
 Who kicked to death the men who washed his feet.
But scirrus is the name of a type of wound,
Also called scirron or scirroma.
Scirrus you may now know as the adhesive plaster,
Which is what I’ve set out to describe here.
Know that titanus is a flaming stone,
The one mentioned in legends, it cannot be extinguished.
This stone which comes from grinded rocks is called pulver
And harena is the name of sand in Latin.
These has Tzetzes now mentioned for those that take interest in such things
 And for those that immerse themselves in books about engineering,
Which are useful for the human life.
For when a term is lacking, the usefulness cannot be distinguished.
So, please, accept this part as a small extension to my writing of histories,
A small personal pain and contribution.
If you don’t, it is of no use,
For Tzetzes would then be writing for ignorant and small-minded people.
5.29 CONCERNING THE WORD MORMOLYCEION (STORY 22)
They say that once upon a time there were three Gorgons,
Stheno, Euryale and Medusa.
To all three of them there was just one eye that granted vision.
 All three of them had wings and hairy dragon-like foils
And the fierceness of their gaze turned all that looked at them to stone.
They also call them Mormolyceias and Mormones,
As Aristophanes says somewhere; “brave like a Mormo”.
But Tzetzes believes that mormolyceion means night
And Mormo means darkness.
5.30 CONCERNING THE WORD CATHARMA (STORY 23)
Catharma meant the purification victim in times of old.
If a storm menaced the city
Or hunger or pestilence or some other calamity,
They led the ugliest man of all to sacrifice,
 To purify and heal the city.
They made him stand in a place suited for the sacrifice
And they gave him cheese and bread
And after they whipped him seven times, hitting his penis,
Using branches of leeks and fig trees,
They then burnt him on those branches of wild trees
And scattered his ashes to the air and sea
And in this manner did the purging take place,
As Lycophron reminds somewhere regarding the Locrian tribe
But I cannot recall the exact verse:
 “After he has burnt the branches of the wild trees,
Hephaestus throws the ashes into the sea
from atop Traronus’ hill”.
And Hipponax describes this ritual perfectly, saying:
“It purifies the city when they whip him with branches”.
And they say that he has written elsewhere in the first of his iambic poems:
“With branches like the ones they use on the purification victims”.
And such things are to be found, as they say, in other passages as well.
“We must turn him into a victim for purification.
 We should provide him with dry figs and bread
And that kind of cheese such people eat.”
From days of yore they are used to waiting their fate with open mouths
And they hold branches from trees, just like the victims of purification.
And he also says somewhere else in the same iambic poem:
“The dry hunger hits,
So the victim is taken and whipped seven times”.
These are the things concerning this kind of sacrifice.
But the medicine maker, the user of medicine and the victim of purification
They all have different meanings:
The first one designates the maker and seller of medicine;
 The second the one who uses drugs for healing;
And the third one indicates the man used to purge the city.
5.31 CONCERNING THE APPLE OF ERIS (STORY 24)
The ones that have ripped off the Homeric Muse
And turned it into a compilation of petty stories
Say that all gods attended the wedding of Peleus and Thetis
And that Eris was the only one left uninvited.
She is, thus, filled with poisonous wrath and great anger,
Just like the Old Women of Fate, who wreath with venomous songs.
Eris was disappointed from this error
And on an apple she wrote “let the most beautiful hold it”.
 She then threw the apple from a rooftop in the middle of the wedding ceremony
Causing great confusion and the destructive war between Greeks and Trojans.
So, the proverbial phrase “Apple of Eris” came to be.
But in fact this story has an allegorical meaning.
Homer in his divine verses first made clear that it symbolizes destruction,
And I took hold of that idea and included it in my compilation of allegories.
5.32 CONCERNING THE FACT THAT OSMYLUS IS A KIND OF FISH BUT OSMILUS REFERS TO THE SMELLY MAN (STORY 25)
Osmylus is a kind of fish that looks like the octopus
It lives in both land and sea and feeds on olives and figs.
But osmilus, written with an iota, means the smelly man
 And is formed just like the name Zoilus and Troilus.
5.33 CONCERNING THE GRAMMARIAN, HERMES AND OSIRIS OF EGYPT (STORY 26)
Hermes Trismegistos, as they say, who was an Egyptian from birth,
Was the first to discover the art of writing.
The Hebrews believe that it was Seth who did so.
But it was this Hermes Trismegistos, the one I have just mentioned,
Who discovered writing and many other skills that were necessary;
He was a modern man and had the position of a secretary of state,
An overseer over all matters concerning the kingdom
Of the Egyptian king, who is called Osiris;
This has the meaning of all-observing in their tongue.
 For the Indians it was Dionysus, king of Nyssa
And for the Hebrews it was Noah,
While the Lydians say the same things about Attalus.
The Greeks gave him the name Dionysus,
Even though they knew he had lived in ancient times
And did not correlate him with Dionysus the filthy son of Semele.
5.34 CONCERNING BELESYS THE BABYLONIAN AND ARSACES THE MEDE (STORY 27)
There was a man with the name of Belesys, a Babylonian,
Of a keen mind he was, a wise and decent man.
He crafted a prophecy of divine character
And persuaded Arsaces the Mede to capture the throne,-
 The Assyrian throne I mean-
Defeating the effeminate Sardanapalus in battle.
You can find this story in detail;
It is the ninetieth fifth in my collection.
5.35 CONCERNING PALAMEDES, SON OF NAUPLIUS (STORY 28)
It is said that Palamedes, son of Nauplius and Clymene,
Was the one to invent writing for the Greeks,
Which at the beginning included eleven letters.
The remaining eight were added later by Simonides,
Like eta and omega, the ones we call long vowels.
Epicharmus then added double consonants, zeta, ksi and psi,
 And Cadmus the Milesian the three aspirate ones
Theta, phi and chi.
But the original eleven I shall not hide from you
That it was not Palamedes who created or Phoenix
Or Cadmus or Hermes the Arcadian,
Who all lived in the same era.
They existed before the time of Cadmus
And, so, I quote a prophecy that he received:
“Speak forth descendant of Agenor, Cadmus,
 Wake up in the early morning and go visit holy Pythia,
Wearing your fine tunic and holding a sacrificial goat in your hands.”
The rest of the oracle, which I know by heart,
I should not recite here and waste paper.
Although I know that script goes way back,
Back to the Greeks and not the Egyptians,
I’ll let myself be persuaded by these moronic buffoons
And ascribe its invention to Cadmus or Palamedes,
For I do not want to outmatch the idiots in all ways possible.
5.36 CONCERNING SISYPHUS THE COAN (STORY 29)
Sisyphus, they say, was Teucrus’ officer
 And he wrote the Iliad way before Homer
Marching along with Teucrus and witnessing the whole war.
And Homer then supposedly ripped his verses off.
These I found written in some John Meleles, a chronicler.
5.37 CONCERNING DICTYS THE CRETAN (STORY 30)
The same chronicler writes that Dictys
Followed Idomeneus and wrote down everything regarding the battle.
And Homer, as I’ve said, copied it later on.
5.38 CONCERNING TEUCRUS, PHALARIS’ OFFICER (STORY 31)
This Teucrus was Phalaris’ state officer
And he was responsible for most affairs of the state.
To Phalaris, who was named after a tyrant,
 He was a second Aristides, noble and just that he was.
Perillos, the copper-maker from Attica,
Made a bronze bull which functioned thus:
He had put a door on the side of the bull
And carved a furrow along his horns,
So that, should anyone be placed inside the bull
He would suffer greatly from the underlying fire.
He brought the bull to Phalaris as a gift
And the latter wanted to send it to Delphi.
 But when he refused to do so,
Saying that this bull was destined to be the bane of men,
While he would take pleasure in the punishment,
Phalaris threw him first into the bull.
He then pulled him out half-dead and cast him aside on some stones.
That’s what happened to Perillos, the bronze-maker.
To the doctor Polycleitus from Messene
He gave plenty of money and gold, when he healed him,
As well as slaves and female servants and much more.
 He also has Teucrus assign to him a yearly salary
Of equal amount to that of the army officers.
And even though he had given that much, he wrote in the assignment
That it was not enough.
And he asked that it should be made known to others
That Phalaris has nothing to give to reciprocate medical treatment,
By which he was healed;
Such were his actions towards Polycleitus.
But at some time someone accused Polycleitus for being a traitor
And Phalaris did not ignore him
But to him he had a letter of heavy content sent:
 “This man, Polycleitus, that you call a traitor,
Cured my disease, which had been incurable.
Now, if you abide by that and embrace silence,
Bravo to you, for you will have wisely done so. If not, bear to my words:
Doctors cure diseases and death cures stupidity.”
To his son, Paurolas, he wrote:
“Should you desire to take the axiom of the tyrant, know that it is burdensome, son, and harder in maintaining than giving it up.”
He also wrote that he must be respectful to his mother, Erytheia.
 And he also asks from him not to request money,
So that he can give them to his friends:
“I hear, son, that you are in need of money to give your friends
But are shy to ask. Well, don’t be.
By the gods, son, I believe that if you so act,
You will be receiving less and giving more.”
He also wrote a letter to Peristhenes, who was responsible for some affairs of the state,
To send him Ariphanes and Eubulus,
Men that had plotted against him.
But, when these men escaped,
 He sent to Phalaris their wives instead.
And Phalaris had them stand before him
And inquired whether they knew of the plot their husbands had designed.
After he received their response,
That they were planning to murder him themselves, he replied:
“Why? What has been done to you?”
And they responded thus:
“It was not us who suffered but our homeland;
Should we not have protected it in every way we could?”
To Peristhenes, whom I’ve mentioned before, he wrote in a second letter:
 “I spared them for their honesty. For when they were asked why they were planning to kill me,
They said that it was for the sake of their homeland.
So, cause no harm to these noble women
And give back what has been taken from them.”
When one of Phalaris’ friends died,
Leaving back his beautiful wife and a child,
Phalaris sent Teucrus to her and told him:
“Love this dead man’s wife, for whose sake she might become a single mother,
And if she refuses to marry you on the premise of lack of money,
 Take these five talents and give them to her.
Write in the letter that this sum of money has been given by her husband
To Phalaris to cover the expenses of the young daughter’s dowry.
Give these to her, as if were part of her deceased husband’s will
And give her a silver ring as well as maids
And proceed with the wedding.
And I make you swear to the gods to give them with the same eagerness
You would feel, should you be on the receiving side.”
And to friends he gave abundantly, as he believed he would be rewarded manifold.
And he thought that even those that declared not to have friends
 Needed one, even though they did not say so.
He burnt some evil men in the bronze bull
And held a long grudge against someone
Who had poisoned his concubine, Paurolas’ mother.
To all others he behaved like Aristides the Just.
Stesichorus, having been captured as an enemy, was once led to him.
I think he was heading to the Peloponnese through Pachynos
With Dropis and Conon and some other men.
And Phalaris had Conon killed instantly
And Dropis was spared and sent back home.
 He was a dear friend to Stesichorus.
So, he wanted to compose songs of praise for Phalaris
But the latter bade him not write such things, saying:
“If you want to write about me, write about my manners,
How I came to be a tyrant and of my fatherland”.
Twelve years after Stesichorus’ death
Phalaris handed a reward of a hundred talents to the Tauromenians
And wrote to his daughters that they should greatly praise their father with songs.
 Such were the deeds of Phalaris the tyrant.
But the noble rulers not only didn’t give us dowry,
While they gave any gifts to humble people,
But like the Harpies did to Phineus,
So they also stole the very food from our mouths
And they take our writings as their own,
Which is our only source of a living.
Just like Erisichton I raise these girls
 So that they do not become whores
And nothing hinders me at all.
Pythagoras spent six months with Phalaris,
Who, as we’ve said, had the title of the tyrant,
But was very unpleasant to live with.
Who could narrate these things in detail?
But I shall write of that man’s death as well.
Once upon a time a hawk was chasing thousands of birds.
When Phalaris saw this, he said to everyone present:
 If only one of them was to turn around and fight the hawk,
Soon all of the weaker ones would follow.
When an old man that was there listened to this,
He grabbed a stone and hurled it against Phalaris;
And some say he died on the spot,
While others believe that he was taken prisoner
And was made wear a heavy garment;
So he slaved away this bitter and miserable life.
To this man was Teucrus, as we’ve already mentioned,
An officer responsible for all things concerning the state.
5.39 CONCERNING ARCHIMEDES, OF WHOM I’VE WRITTEN IN THE 35TH STORY (STORY 32)
 This man of great wisdom, Archimedes of Syracuse,
Was Hieron’s advisor, friend, officer and engineer.
In the thirtieth fifth story shall you find the matters concerning him
All written out in great length.
5.40 CONCERNING THE SCRIBES OF DARIUS AND XERXES, THE PERSIAN KINGS (STORY 33)
Information about Darius and Xerxes
You shall find in the thirty first story
And in the one right after it.
Turn the pages back and learn about them.
But I must now address the matters concerning their scribes.
 The two kings would watch over the battles they fought from their thrones
And their scribes would write down the events of every battle.
5.41 CONCERNING CEPHALUS (STORY 34)
Cephalus the orator was Lysias’ father;
He stemmed from the city of Thourioi,
A rich a noble man he was and saviour of the Athenians.
During the reign of the thirty tyrants, before Euclid’s time,
Some Athenians took over the Piraeus
And fought against the oppressors
To relieve themselves of the yoke of tyranny.
 Cephalus dedicated eight hundred shields to their victory
And spoke in the senate against the Tyrants.
He then received a fine of ten thousand drachmas
On the pretext of proposing a decree not approved by the senate.
Well, he said: “The penalty of death would be more preferable.
For what reason did I save them from the Tyrants in the first place?”
That man was the noblest and most just of all orators
And had never received an accusation during his lifetime.
But Aristophon was the exact opposite of Cephalus
And would always be accused but then defeat his prosecutors.
5.42 CONCERNING CTESIPHON, NOT THE CITY (STORY 35)
 Ctesiphon happens to be a city in Persia.
 Not of that do we speak but of Ctesiphon the orator,
Who proposed that Demosthenes be given the golden crown,
The one for whom Aeschines wrote his work Against Ctesiphon.