Kylie Travers and daughters at a football game. Picture: supplied.
In 2012, I left an abusive marriage, taking my two young daughters with me. People often assume once you leave, it gets easier. While the abuse within the home may stop, other controlling behaviours increase. In my case, it wasn’t until we had separated and he realised we were never getting back together that his behaviour escalated.
After my soon-to-be ex husband was removed by police, I remained in the family home for a few weeks, until I was informed he was stalking me. He sat out the front of my house, peeked through the gap in my curtains, listened to phone calls or conversations and followed me as I drove. I only found out because he called someone close to me as he was stalking me.
The physical stalking continued as I moved homes, causing issues until I left the state. Despite leaving, he attempted to find out my location and threatened that it would not be hard to locate me. The cyber-stalking continued for a while, though, in my case, it was limited to social media and my websites which I was able to block him from. Other victims are not so fortunate.
An estimated 19 percent of women have been stalked. 94 percent of them are stalked by a male and two-thirds know the person stalking them according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
Kylie speaking at an event. Picture: supplied.
What is cyber-stalking and physical stalking?
Cyber-stalking and physical stalking can separate, however, in many domestic abuse cases both types of stalking happen.
Cyberstalking can include:
- Installing apps on your phone which allow them to read your emails and messages
- Placing GPS trackers on phones and other devices
- Monitoring activities and social media online
- Gaining access to online accounts
- Using photos shared during a relationship and posting them online or threatening to do so
- Bullying, harassing, spreading rumours or posting online
Physical stalking is defined as harassing or threatening behaviour that is engaged in repeatedly.
How can you protect yourself against stalking?
- Document all threatening, stalking or abusive behaviour and report it all to the police.
- Keep a file of times and dates of all stalking issues, take screenshots and photos of all stalking behaviour and upload all documents to a dropbox folder to keep a record, as well as having it on your phone.
- This documentation will prove priceless when applying for a protection order, pressing charges or reporting any issues to the police.
If you are being stalked, it is never your fault! The person doing the stalking is the one in the wrong, though they may not think so. In my experience, telling him to stop did nothing and he still does not believe his behaviour was wrong. After I left I took self defence classes, got a new phone, cancelled events I was meant to attend and locked down my social media. It negatively impacted my work, but the safety of my daughters and I came first.
Be aware of your surroundings, what you do online and take steps to secure your privacy. Have your phone checked or cleared to remove any tracking apps they might have installed, switch off location or GPS settings in all your apps and on all social media. Block your stalker online and do not check in to places online or post images which clearly show where you are. For more advice about keeping yourself safe online, check out the government's esafety site.
I left my husband nearly six years ago and am grateful I no longer have stalking issues with him. We live interstate from him and while I will always be aware of my surroundings when out and cautious online, I feel safe. For information on stalking in general, steps to get an AVO plus legal tips download the stalking resources guide
HOW I ESCAPED MY TINDER STALKER39280
HOW I ESCAPED MY TINDER STALKER