When it comes to living our lives, it appears that one can’t make a decision, act or react without being prosecuted and judged by others behind a virtual screen. A person must face the pressure of being the perfect spouse, parent, employee, friend, etc. The ramifications of not living up to impossible standards results in the person being lambasted and embarrassed by others. All for making a mistake! How did this culture of shame begin? And what can we do to stop it before one of our own children becomes a victim?
The culprit could be as simple as one (or two or three…) apps on our phones: social media. In a culture that thrives on technology and “staying connected,” our society has begun to depend on the instant gratification that Facebook, Twitter and Instagram bring. The choices we make and how we allow our lives to appear to others are dependent on the number of likes and comments we get. Without them, our choices are deemed irrelevant, boring or wrong. The constant search for approval has allowed our moral compass to turn from a personal or spiritual place to that of the community, open for comment. Any misstep or mistake is immediately capitalized on and ridiculed. For someone who desperately seeks inclusion and praise, this sudden exile can be devastating and can have catastrophic results.
Think about the many times a parent has been shamed globally for taking their eyes off their child for a second. Rather than offering sympathy, people are quick to point fingers and blame. Shame is applied to all genders, races, politics and religion. It knows no bounds, including with our own sons and daughters, who are especially vulnerable as they grow up in a world filled with hormones, homework and insecurity. As a parent, or even as a person, it is our job to make our neighborhoods, cities, country and world a more compassionate place by countering this culture of shame.
It begins with us. The online bullying will only come to an end when we make a conscious effort to avoid partaking or adding to the shame. Yes, it is easier said than done, but responding with sympathy is the best solution. Showing compassion sets a great example for our children. The next time the virtual world begins shaming someone, use it as an opportunity to speak to your kids about the importance of kindness. When we hold ourselves responsible, we begin to see a change in perspective. But it can only begin when we decide we have had enough of this culture of shame.
By Natalie Maris