Howlers & the Like
[Usenet] [Children] [General]
(Some of these, as one of my contributors put it, are not
so much howlers as simply mad. Still, I hope that they all make you
- In the 5th century BC sceptics did not study philosophy for
very long. They saw no point in continuing as it did not
contribute in any way to their social lives. At that
point they became Sophists, and Socrates' worst nightmares.
- metaphorically their [ancient people's] selves could be seen
in the buildings which stood around them such as the
- This in itself could be seen as a risk of hippocracy, as Protagoras
was apparently enthusiastic in justifying the democracy.
- If Aristotle had meant `happiness' by `eudaimonia' he'd have said so.
- The early Britons made their houses of mud, and there was rough
mating on the floor.
- Sparta protested, saying all the cities' fornications in Greece should be
- ...the meteorological rise of the Mycenean ruling class...
- When Plato wrote his theory he did so in the form of a diologue [sic]
which was supposed to have been said by Socrates, another infamous
- Descartes wanted to escape the confines of the intellectual
establishment and instead enrol in the school of life.
- In the First Meditation Descartes abandons his body.
- Descartes believed that he was the creator of god.
- In the objections and supplies section of the Meditations...
- Like Plato, Descartes thought the immorality of the soul was
established on a priori [...] grounds...
- [Descartes] can have half a body, but to exist he needs a
- Descartes was frequently visited by the natural light.
- Gassendi makes a pert objection...
- Yet Descartes still needed to find a single indubitable truth
upon which he could base a foundation for knowledge, like
the an allergy which he draws with the single fixed point
in the universe to move the entire Earth, as Archimedes
- Bernard Williams' book: Descartes: A Product of Pure
- Mill said that the higher pleasures are mental, but the lower
pleasures are sensational.
- [Mill] substantiates that happiness is desirable by claiming
that the only way of showing that anything is desirable
is that it is itself desired -- that the desirability is
- If I am not mistaken, there is debate about euthanasia in the
Netherlands right now. Opponents want the law rebuked.
- I can argue that it is perfectly permissable for the pesant to trample
me to death if I get in his way, because I know that, surrounded by my
courtesans it will not be me personally who gets in the way, and anyway
the pesant does not ride a horse.
- Williams' next argument seems to be that an egoist would have a
"cognition failure" (which Williams thinks follows from Wittginstein).
- [Kant's g]ood will is good in itself because the nature of our bodies
is that we have specialised organs in our bodies that produce the best
results in their operations - this applies to mental life as well.
- Telephone message from the University of Manitoba Library:
"Moral knowledge is available for pick-up at reference desk."
(from Michael Feld)
Philosophy of Religion
- For instance, even atheists recognise that having a rite to practice
religion is ultimately important.
Philosophy of Logic & Language
- "All husbands have heads" is synthetic and "All wives are married" is
analytic. We never see a husband without a head. However, it is possible for
us to imagine a husband with no head. He may be being kept alive by a system of
tubes and motors and was able to marry. This man would still be a man like
any other, but headless.
[there were two questions on death in the general paper this year --
they provided the best howlers, in my opinion]
- Going to a boarding school for the first time, most people are a
little apprehensive about leaving the care of your parents and facing
life on your own. Death is the same...
- Death is the end of life as we know it.
- Some may say that it is irrational to fear an exam -- in the end you
will still be able to walk out at the end.
- [x] wished to die. However this request was denied & a judge
ruled a gastronomy should be used to keep him alive.
Howlers from the Outside World
- Husk fresh corn; spread ears lightly with peanut butter. Place on
grill, turning until done - about 10 minutes. Or let everyone grill his
own ears, using long skewers to do so.
- Marinade the steak in the sauce for at least two hours, then cook a
hot grill, basting with the sauce at frequent intervals. Alternatively,
pour off sauce after marinading, heat separately, and let your guests
pour it over themselves.
Found on Packets
- Cyprus Village Macaroni - Try it, and try to forget it!
- This packet of ready-made pastry will make enough for four persons or
Published Apologies & Corrections
- A correction In a caption in last night's Evening Gazette,
Dorothy Duffney, conductor of the Cleveland Musical Society, was
described as Mrs Vera Beadle. She is, of course, Mrs K. Atkinson, of
Hartburn Lane, Stockton.
- In last month's issue we published an article by Mr Patrick Burns, in
which he intended to state `...there is one area in which the health
service can still make huge savings and that is by prescribing drugs
generically. The difference in price between the expensive branded
product and its generic equivalent can be massive, and yet many doctors
continue to prescribe the expensive brand long after the patent has
expired and the product has been available as a generic.'
Unfortunately at the printing works (just as the form was about to be
printed) the word patent was wrongly `corrected' to
(Hampshire - The County Magazine)
- NOTE In some of our copies the article The Power of the
Papacy described the Pope as `His Satanic Majesty'; this should read
`the Roman Antichrist'.
- There were a few mistakes to the copy of the meditation article in as
much as it read "By isn't I mean everything that you can see and hear,
touch, or smell, isn't means everything that is," and it should have read
"By isn't I mean everything that you can see and hear, touch, or smell,
means everything that is." Hopefully this will now be clear.
(New Age [as if you hadn't guessed])
- Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge
18 inch penis, as described in an ad. Blondie's Pizza would like to
apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused.
(correction printed in The Daily Californian)
- I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job
(George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign)
- This is a great day for France!
(Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral)
- For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.
We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh...
- I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy. But that could change.
- I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of
Baltimore - that is Maryland.
(William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address)
- The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There
are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at.
(George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline)
- If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that
we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without
food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the
- My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia
forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.
(Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware
that the microphone was already on)
- Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going
- Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize.
Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time.
Such was Catherine Morland at ten. At fifteen appearances were mending;
she began to cut her hair and long for balls...
- from Northanger Abbey
- No public business of any kind could possibly be done at any time,
without the acquiescence of the Circumlocution Office. Its finger was
in the largest public pie, and in the smallest public tart.
- from Little Dorrit
- After having given vent to this beautiful reflection, Mr Pickwick
proceeded to put himself into his clothes; and his clothes into his
- from Pickwick Papers
- Next after that slow-coming, slow-going smile of her lover, it was
the rusty complexion of his patrimonial marbles that she most prized.
- from The Last of the Valerii
- Not withstanding the vagueries of quantum mechanics
- In Christiananity God recognizes that man can't live up to his
standards. That is what the crucifixation of Jesus had to do with.
- (This is from the Usenet group alt.magic:)
- > Es wuerde mich interessieren zu lernen wie viele
> Deutsch-Sprachige Zauberkuenstler es schon hier gibt.
> Eine menge, glaube ich!
> Richard Hatch
> Humble, Texas
you may be more likely to get assistance on whatever it is
you're asking if you posted it in English.
- I'll take the chance that I've just lamblasted him or her without
- I run a small site and I would like to know if there is a way to print
all of the HTML pages in one fail swoop, rather than viewing each page and
then printing them one at a time.
- I'm a 20 yr. old who has an overbearing passion for philosophy.
Despite my ardent desire to understand the many faucets of philosophy, my
overall knowledge of some areas is very general.
- My six-year-old daughter Judy ran inside a few minutes ago, and
stormed into my office. "I'm mad at my neighbour-friends. They
treat me like an object!"
"Daddy, what's an object?" (from Joel Rosenburg)
- While attending a recent baseball game with my 7-year old daughter,
she asked me how many people I thought were there. I replied: "About
She looked around for a moment, then turned to me and asked: "Are you
counting yourself?" (from Holt Mebane)
- He was a paragon of vice
- Complaint to Bicycle Guide:
- I was disturbed by the cover of your July issue. The first thing I
noticed, of course, was the woman's breasts. Now, I am as fond of a
well-endowed male in a pair of bicycle shorts as most men are of an
attractive woman in a bicycle jersey. But I see the whole person, which
is not what your cover does. You use the woman's breasts simply to sell
the issue, which I find offensive if only because you never exploit a
man's anatomy in the same sexist manner. (Anne Leighton, Hawaii)
- Our July cover model was actually a male staff member who wishes to
remain anonymous and who didn't anticipate the effect of the
photographer's lights on his Nautilus-enhanced pectorals. (Bicycle
- Harley also employed Defoe to write the Review, and St John
had his own organ in the Post Boy. (from R.W. Harris,
England in the Eighteenth Century)
- Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it
rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a
terrible thing for the Padres!
(Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer)
- We pray for MacArthur's erection.
(sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was
considering a run for President)
- Seen on the packaging of a Bic lighter: "Bic lighter with Child
Guard! (Keep away from children)."
- My wife told me of her experience in the grocery store while shopping
with our twin 10 month old daughters:
Patron: Are they twins?
Patron: Are they both yours?
- Business name on a truck spotted in New Haven, CT: CONFIDENCE
- Sign seen in Hawaii: DODO MORTUARY
- some scientists think that the sun may have something to do with
global warming. (from ITV News at Ten)
Thanks to: Stephen Blamey, Andrea Christofidou, Anne
Larson, David Levene, and Andrew Wright for their