Many people use the terms guilt and shame interchangeably, but if we take a closer look, they are different in many ways. Guilt is typically other-focused, and revolves around behaviors which stem from a more proper attitude, whereas shame is selfish and self-focused and reveals someones true nature and character. Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong, and often arises when we realize that others have been hurt because of our actions. Shame reflects how we feel about ourselves. The difference is often described as: “I did something bad” (guilt) vs. “I am bad” (shame). Also, those who are guilty usually will feel badly about those they have harmed, while those who are ashamed, are usually more upset they got caught.
Guilt – although uncomfortable – is often a beneficial emotional experience, whereas shame is not. Our ability to recognize that our own actions have hurt someone, to empathize with that person’s pain, and to feel remorse for having caused it are all signs of spiritual and emotional health. In fact, research suggests that people who are prone to feeling guilty are also more empathic. A key difference between guilt and shame is that guilt can be productive in that it can motivate you to move on to grace, owning up to what you have done to someone else. Shame, on the other hand, is not productive and does not motivate positive change. Instead, shame tends to make people feel unworthy and triggers them to hide, deny or blame others, and usually deal with their sin in a manner that leads to alcohol, drugs, or other acts to numb the pain. Shame can lead to disconnection from others, and does nothing to promote health or positive relationships.
When Adam and Eve sinned they were ashamed and hid . . . they ran away from God instead of running to Him. Whereas the Gospel tells us in the story of the prodigal, that when we have done wrong and repent that we are to own up to wrong done and return home to the Father. This guilt moved the son to grace.
Guilt also teaches us that we can change our behavior. Our Creator desires us to leave behind the guilt and to move towards grace. Through self examination through the Word of God and in prayer, the best way to address your guilt is to find ways to right whatever wrong was caused by our actions, and to try to avoid repeating the same behavior again in the future. But guilt also goes a step further and shows us, not only what we did wrong, but it will show us why we did it as well, so that we can indeed change not just our actions, but also our attitudes and our thinking.
Here are some good questions to ask when we feel guilty: 1. Did this behavior go against my own personal values or God's values? 2. Did I have good reasons for doing what I did- can I find Scriptural support? 3. Would there have been harm to myself or others who are important to me if I did something different?
Those who were guilty for good reasons must follow forward to grace in order to leave behind the guilt. 1 John 1:9 is a passage of Scripture that brings a great deal of hope to those struggling with guilt. God forgives those who repent and turn from sin to Christ. You see, your guilt is not only there to cause you to deal with sin against others, but you sin was also against God as well. So, when we sin, we not only restore our relationship with those we have sinned against, but we also must ask God to forgive us. When we do, He promises to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Sometimes, we go on for weeks asking God to forgive us over and over and over again. This is showing that we do not trust God's promise to forgive. God has provided a way through confession for our guilt to be washed away.
If you find yourself consistently struggling with unhealthy guilt, or if you suspect that what you are actually feeling is shame, it is important to revisit the promises of God and the nature of the Gospel.
It is scarcely a problem to remember when Easter is coming in our American culture, as we seem to enjoy turning Jesus' death and resurrection into an event to make more money. You have seen it coming for the past 2 months. Mixed into the St Patrick's Day celebration are brightly colored Easter Eggs, chocolate bunnies, and cute outfits lining the shelves. Every year, Christ seems to take the back seat more and more, and the real Truth of this season- Christ's death, burial and resurrection - captures my every waking thought and must be pressed more and more as the commercialism is drowning this society from the Truth.
The exchange of Christ's Death for my life, and His Life for my death is something that I will never completely understand or comprehend in this life. The horror of death, and what Christ did on my behalf taking my spiritual death for me, has me thinking a lot about the anxious dread we have towards physical death as well.
I have struggled over the past several years with a sense of overwhelming anxiety towards death. It is something we do not welcome, something we fight as God has made us hungry for Life. Christ must have known this all too well as death is an enemy, and He willingly submitted to physical death on our behalf, descending to Hell in our place to conquer it and reign as Lord over it, crushing the serpent's head (Gen 3:15). It is this Truth that Christ is my Life that has caused me to come to terms with the inevitable that we all die, and we can move from this Life to the next with simple trust in Jesus. Yet, there are moments when thoughts of death still weighs on me like a ton of bricks.
In addition to this most important Truth found in the Gospel Message which provides all we need in the person and work of Jesus Christ, we can find comfort in these reminders as well:
1) Heidelberg Catechism Q/A 1 and 2
Q. What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A. That I am not my own,1 but belong—body and soul, in life and in death2—to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.3
He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood,4 and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil.5 He also watches over me in such a way6 that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven;7 in fact, all things must work together for my salvation.8
Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life9 and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.10
1 1 Cor. 6:19-20
2 Rom. 14:7-9
3 1 Cor. 3:23; Titus 2:14
4 1 Pet. 1:18-19; 1 John 1:7-9; 2:2
5 John 8:34-36; Heb. 2:14-15; 1 John 3:1-11
6 John 6:39-40; 10:27-30; 2 Thess. 3:3; 1 Pet. 1:5
7 Matt. 10:29-31; Luke 21:16-18
8 Rom. 8:28
9 Rom. 8:15-16; 2 Cor. 1:21-22; 5:5; Eph. 1:13-14
10 Rom. 8:1-17
Q. What must you know to live and die in the joy of this comfort?
A. Three things: first, how great my sin and misery are;1 second, how I am set free from all my sins and misery;2 third, how I am to thank God for such deliverance.3
1 Rom. 3:9-10; 1 John 1:10
2 John 17:3; Acts 4:12; 10:43
3 Matt. 5:16; Rom. 6:13; Eph. 5:8-10; 2 Tim. 2:15; 1 Pet. 2:9-10
We can also find comfort in the writings of Karl Barth on this very subject of death as well.
Note that Barth deals with the tensions of life and death, not glossing over the struggle.
The New Testament does not fear death. But he never hopes for it. He hopes for the One who has delivered him from death. It is because he hopes for Him, and expects to be with Him when he dies, that he is willing to die “gladly” like Jacob. Death is the preferable alternative. But he does not will it. He wills the life bounded by it as the sphere of the decisions in which he moves toward Christ as his judge. He wills it as the opportunity to serve the One who will be his only hope in his end. And it is because he can already serve in his life the One who even in death will be his Lord that he rejoices in this perfect form of His lordship, in the prospect of being definitely with Him. He does not rejoice in the prospect of being freed from His service, of having his time behind him. On the contrary, the definitive prospect in which he rejoices is for him an authorization and command to serve God in his allotted span with all the preliminary joy without which his joy in his end and new beginning with Him would be purely imaginary. He affirms Jesus Christ as his beyond. And it is for this reason that he understands his life here and now as one which is affirmed by his beyond. (Church Dogmatics X.47.5)
I am thankful for the honest reflection that Barth anchors in Truth of the Gospel. What comfort these words bring as they point to Christ and the hope of the Gospel. This ought to drive us to use our time here and now for His glory and honor. Our time here and now can only be understood through Jesus Christ.
Another person that I have gained a great deal from on this subject matter is Leo Tolstoy.
Leo Tolstoy was a writer who often struggled with thoughts of death. During the Fall of 1869, he found himself awake at two in the morning, emotionally exhausted and unable to sleep. Tolstoy was suddenly gripped by a fear of death more intense than any he had experienced before, and he was crippled with the overwhelming anxiety. It was this experience that caused Tolstoy to start writing an autobiographical story called Notes of a Madman, which was never finished. But from this story started a short story entitled The Death of Ivan Ilyich which was finished and published. Through these stories, we can understand not only the author’s thoughts towards death, but also it helps us to dig deep within our hearts to discover our own fears towards death.
Ivan Ilyich is a man who lives “most simple and most ordinary and therefore most terrible.” Ivan is like most other people in his circle of friends, someone who dedicates his life to climbing the social ladder and seeking his rights to happiness that he believes is found at the top of all this. Ivan is in an unhappy marriage with a wife he finds too demanding. He also frequently ignores his family life and focuses his attentions on becoming a magistrate. He is primarily concerned with his own status and the influence of his friends. One day, he has a spell with his health and shakes it all off; Being the workaholic that he is, Ivan does not think much of this at first. However, he begins to suffer a pain in his side, and his discomfort increases day by day. This is accompanied by great irritability, which culminates in his wife insisting that he see a physician. He receives a hopeless diagnosis, and Ivan is forced to face the inevitability of his death.
Ivan’s main source of comfort becomes his servant: the only person in his life who does not fear death, and one of the only people in his life who truly displays compassion for him. As Ivan’s friendship with his servant grows closer, Ivan begins to question whether he has, in fact, lived a good and moral life. Ivan spends his final days reflecting on the difference between an artificial life and an authentic one. At the moment before his death Ivan has several realizations, and he comes to terms with death.
This short story not only allows us to confront our own fear of death, but addresses an accompanying concern: the fear that we have not made the most of our life or found meaning in it. We realize that if we make changes now, if we check up on our neighbour or act kindly towards our spouse, we will grow old without the hefty fear of dying in vain. A deep introspection here and now is key to proper reflection.
By reading and understanding Tolstoy through his work, Ivan Ilyich, we can learn to make the most of our present, understand death’s inevitability, and lean on Christ Jesus who took death in our place and instead gives us His Life everlasting.
We, as Christians live in light of death. We remember that this life is a vapor, but we live knowing that death does not have the final say.
"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Cor. 15:55-57
I am a great sinner saved by far greater grace. God has blessed me with a wonderful family and a beautiful Gospel congregation at Twin Lakes Bible Church.