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After the death of a child, a condolence letter can help bring comfort to the family. But it can be hard to know what to say. Friends want to sound genuine and offer support, but the words often don’t come easily.
Condolence letters are written for the benefit of the family – to show support and remember the child. Families may keep these letters as a remembrance of their child’s life and reread them as a source of comfort. Families can learn new stories about the child and deepen connections with friends through sharing memories.
A note of condolence does not need to be long or complicated. The pressure of finding the “right” words often keeps people from writing. A few tips can help:
Use a calendar to remind you to follow up with phone calls or help. Also, make a reminder to send another card or reach out to the family with a text or phone call on important dates, such as the child’s birthday or anniversary of the death. This helps families know that they and their children are not forgotten.
It can help to break the letter down into its basic parts: opening, middle, and closing. The letter begins by acknowledging the family’s loss, then focuses on remembering the child, and ends with an offer of specific help or show of care and support.
Many people never send a note because they simply don’t know where to begin. Write on simple stationary or on a sympathy card from the store. Start by writing a greeting. When writing to parents, consider addressing the letter to siblings as well.
The main part of the letter should make a personal connection. Write from the heart. Often people feel as if they should be excessively formal given the situation. But honest feelings convey much more than long lines of flowery words.
Reminders for writing the body of the note include:
The close of a condolence letter is often where help is offered. If you are unsure what to offer, simply express care and support.
When offering help:
The final sentence of a condolence letter can sometimes feel as difficult as the first. End with an expression of hope or sympathy. Sample closings include:
Below are some sample letters that may help start the process of writing a letter of condolence.
Dear Maria, Eric, Violet, and Justin,
Please know how much you are in our hearts and thoughts always. Robert brought light into our lives just as he did for everyone who knew him. He could be stubborn, and we’ll never forget how as a toddler he refused to wear shoes and insisted on going barefoot everywhere—even to church! Maria and Eric—you were so patient with him showing him always that he was loved. Violet and Justin—you shared your passion for music and books with him, both of which brought out his energy and curiosity. He kept us all on our toes. He will always be remembered with love and joy by all four of us.
Please know, whatever you need we are here for you. We will call or text to see when you are ready for company, and we will bring dinner and a movie.
With our love always,
Olivia, Brice, Lillian, and Brody
Dear Kathy and David,
I’m very sorry for your loss. I did not know Stephen, but I know that the two of you are strong, loving people. The sense of humor that both of you have shared with the world must have given Stephen many happy moments full of love.
We will be in Chicago in May and will reach out to see if it is a good time to visit with you. Until then, please know that Tom and I have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Dear Lucas, Katherine, and Liam,
My daughter Carly was in gymnastics with Emma. I wanted to share how very sorry we are for your loss.
We always knew Emma as spunky and hardworking. She never gave up even when a routine was hard. She always had a kind and supportive word for all the other girls in the gym. Liam, Carly shared that Emma spoke often about both of you and the ways in which you supported her as the youngest sibling. You must be a special family to have raised a child as focused and kind as Emma.
Please know you are in our thoughts and the thoughts of the entire gymnastics community.
God bless you and comfort you,
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. While I didn’t know Anna, I was very touched to read in the obituary how much she loved baseball and how much you enjoyed going to games together. I hope those special memories will bring you comfort in the days ahead.
With deepest sympathy,
Reviewed: June 2018