I was recently looking through Michele Borba’s book, “Parents Do Make A Difference: How To Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts,” and this sentence jumped out at me:
“The kind of messages we send our children is critical. Expecting little from our kids limits their success, because they lose the incentive to try new possibilities. Unrealistic expectations can also damage our kids: “Why didn’t you get all A’s?” “How did you not make the team?” “You got a 98 percent – which two did you miss?” Pushing our kids because we want the best for them may be misinterpreted by them as “You’re not good enough.” Successful expectations gently stretch our children’s potential to become their best without pushing them to be more than they can be. And these expectations never destroy children’s feelings of adequacy.”
The author goes on to discuss using the parameters of “developmentally appropriate, realistic, child-oriented, and success-oriented” as barometers for whether an expectation is healthy or not.
I talk a lot about development on this blog, and have included realistic expectations as part of the developmental posts for each age. You can access many back posts to look at that. However, here is a quick rule of thumb: Continue reading