How To Reduce Sibling Rivalry
Children who are related and live in the same family are referred to as “siblings.” Sibling rivalry has existed since the beginning of time.
Consider biblical periods and Joseph’s issues with his brothers, or Disney’s “Cinderella” and her harrowing ordeal with her step-sisters! It seems peculiar that once the term “sibling” is mentioned, “rivalry” seems to follow, even though many families have strong sibling relationships (brothers and sisters who genuinely like and enjoy one another). However, the rivalry is usually the focus of attention.
What factors contribute to sibling rivalry?
Consider this. Siblings do not pick their family, nor do they choose each other. They may be of different genders, ages, and temperaments, and, worst of all, they must share the one or two people they most want for themselves: their parents.
Position in the family is another element that might lead to sibling rivalry. For example, the oldest kid may be saddled with obligations for the younger children, while the younger child may spend his or her entire life attempting to catch up with an older sibling.
Gender. A boy, for example, may resent his sister because his father appears to be more kind to her. A daughter, on the other hand, may wish she could join her father and brother on the fishing excursion.
Age. A five-year-old and an eight-year-old can play some games together, but when they reach the ages of ten and thirteen, their interests will most likely be completely different.
We’ve had a difficult time figuring out what to do about sibling rivalry since we concluded that it’s a typical occurrence in a family system. Here are some dos and don’ts that may assist reduce disagreements and the harmful impacts of sibling rivalry:
Make no comparisons (for example, “I don’t comprehend it. Rohit could tie his shoes when he was his age.” Each child believes he is unique, and properly so; he is his person and resents being judged solely in comparison to someone else. Instead of comparing, each child in the family should be given his or her own set of goals and levels of expectation that are unique to him or her.
Don’t disregard or suppress your children’s feelings of bitterness or anger. Contrary to popular belief, rage is not something we should avoid at all costs. It’s a completely normal part of being human, and it’s certainly normal for siblings to get upset with one other and want to fight. They need adults to reassure them that their moms and fathers get furious too, but have learned self-control and that angry feelings do not permit them to behave cruelly and dangerously. This is the time to sit down, express your frustration (e.g., “I know you detest Ria right now, but you can’t attack her with a stick.”) and talk it out.
Avoid settings that encourage guilt in siblings. To begin, we must teach youngsters that feelings and actions are not interchangeable. It is natural to desire to hit the infant on the head, but parents must prevent their child from doing so. The guilt that comes with doing something unpleasant is far worse than the guilt that comes with simply feeling mean. In such cases, parental action must be swift and decisive.
Allow brothers and sisters to settle their disagreements whenever possible. While it may sound excellent in theory, it can be extremely unjust in practice. Parents must decide whether it is appropriate to intervene and mediate, especially in a struggle between unequal in terms of power and eloquence (no hitting below the belt, literally or figuratively). When their minority rights were not safeguarded, some grown siblings developed long-lasting animosities.
Some Effective Sibling Conflict Resolution Techniques
Common Errors Parents Make When Handling Sibling Rivalry.
Taking sides, such as attempting to punish the at-fault child (usually the one seen pounding on the other child). How long has this child tolerated the other child’s tormenting before resorting to severe measures?
Ignoring proper behaviour. When their children are playing peacefully, parents frequently overlook them. They only pay attention when there is an issue. According to Behavior Mod 101, actions that are ignored (go unrewarded) diminish, and behaviours that gain attention (are rewarded) rise.
Simple Parenting Strategies That Work
Take action when sibling rivalry escalates to extreme physical or verbal aggression OR when the number of occurrences of rivalry becomes excessive. (Action speaks louder than words.)
Discuss the situation with your children.
Give them advice on how to handle the situation if it arises, such as ignoring the teasing.
Simply admitting (jokingly) that anything the teaser says is true.
It’s time to tell the teaser that enough is enough.
When these methods fail, ask the person in authority (parent, babysitter) for assistance.
Siblings can cause stress, but if they are successfully overcome, they can provide your children with resources that will benefit them later in life. Siblings learn to share, deal with envy, and accept their different strengths and limitations.
Best of all, as kids observe you dealing with sibling rivalry with equanimity and fairness, they will be acquiring experience that will be useful when they, too, become parents.