Attachments lie at the heart of intimate relationships therefore unhealthy attachment patterns can inflame insecurity and dysfunction. Learnt attachment from previous relationships will trigger certain scripts of what to expect from intimacy and attachment. Negative relationship scripts can be based on boundaries that are too rigid or too blurred. Couples under stress destabilise their connection by becoming either the “emotional pursuer” of intimacy or overly withdrawn as the “emotional avoider”. Communication is likely to become anxiety ridden or shut down entirely.
To begin rebuilding healthy attachment I recommend five stages of communication (Devito, 2004):
1. Receiving: hearing the other, avoid interrupting
2. Understanding: learning the meaning of what the other has said, paraphrase
3. Remembering: recalling and retaining
4. Evaluating: awareness of personal judgments and criticism
5. Responding: answering and giving feedback
Communication and self-disclosure in therapy can provide a safe base to allow a person to feel heard, to realise someone is concerned about them and has them in mind. This is crucial for effective counseling therapy with individuals and couples…www.counsellingrelationships.com.au