Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD) is a very difficult disorder to face. People with APD face extreme feelings of inadequacy, shyness, and hypersensitivity towards negative comments. Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) or anxious personality disorder makes you feel doubtful and vulnerable while interacting or while spending time with people. But avoidant personality disorder need not stop you from interacting or trusting others. It should help to know that each one of us goes through self-doubt and insecurity at some point or the other. Family members, friends and loved ones of someone with avoidant personality disorder may extend their caring support by understanding, empathizing and being patient with them at all times.. With time and treatment, people with APD can see improvement and grow more confident.
1Understand the 'causes' of avoidant personality disorder. There is no single cause of Avoidant Personality Disorder. There are various biological/genetic, social, and psychological factors that may give rise to the development of avoidant personality disorder (APD). These include how you interact in your early years of development, your personality and temperament and your environment while growing up. It is essential to know that the recovery from avoidant personality disorder lies in the will of the individual itself.
2Know about the symptoms of avoidant personality disorder. According to the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), avoidant personality disorder involves a "pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation". Common behavioral symptoms include:
- Avoiding activities involving social interaction due to fears of criticism, rejection, or disapproval.
- Unwillingness to become involved with people unless the individual is certain that he/she will be liked.
- Issues with intimate relationships because of a fear of being shamed or ridiculed.
- Shyness during new social situations (e.g. meeting a stranger for the first time) due to feelings of inadequacy.
- A distorted self-worth; individuals often view themselves as socially awkward, personally unappealing, or inferior to their peers.
- Hesitant to take risks or engage in new activity out of fear of embarrassment.
3Find therapy. The prospect of getting help may feel frightening to you. Remind yourself that therapists for APD are aware of how difficult it is for you, so they will be more warm and patient towards you. They are not judging you; they are trying to help. As you continue visiting your therapist, you would begin to feel better.
5Harness the power of writing. Some people find it helpful to write down negative thoughts in order to make them go away. Others find it relaxing to write positive things, such as what they're grateful for, or what they love about themselves. Dedicate a time of the day (e.g. 10 minutes before bed or 10 minutes in the morning) to writing.
6Keep a diary or consider blogging. Write down your feelings. If you have APD, you may feel too anxious to vent or share your feelings with others, so you can let them out in paper.
7Let your emotions out. Find a counselor or other trusted confidante to talk to. Allow yourself to cry when it hurts, and talk about your fears and doubts. Sometimes voicing your problems out can help you move forward. Help yourself in ways you could on your own if not with others.
8Find comfortable ways to exercise. Exercise can boost endorphins, causing you to feel better about yourself and more confident. Going to a gym might feel intimidating, so solitary or paired exercise might feel better to you.
- Take a walk in the neighborhood.
- Go biking.
- Shoot hoops with a person you feel close to.
- Volunteer online.
9Find ways to make social interactions more bearable. Take breaks, distract yourself, and focus on one-on-one or small group interactions. Take smaller steps till you feel that you can participate in a larger group.
- Take several trips to the bathroom to take deep breaths and calm down.
- Focus on close friendships and family relationships, and then gradually acclimate yourself to larger crowds.
- Listen to music in social settings. It's okay to wear headphones.
10Know that you aren't alone. Other people feel this way too. Others, even those who are not diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, still experience the same symptoms and feelings in their lives.
- The frequency of the occurrence of these feelings and the intensity may vary. But if you look closely, you will find many others who are isolated, left out, unwanted, disappointed and longing for warmth and those with a heart.
11Practice self care. Imagine a friend who felt the way you do—how would you want them to treat themselves? (Write it down.) Now treat yourself that way. You are your own best friend. Learn to treat yourself with compassion. If you begin treating yourself like you matter, you will start to believe it.
- Make a habit of reading self-care blogs on websites like tumblr. Absorb their attitudes. These are for you.
- Stay hydrated and eat from all different healthy food groups.
- Spend at least 30 minutes doing relaxing things: reading, bubble baths, crochet, and whatever helps you the best.
- Work on your hobbies.
- Try chamomile and lavender tea.
12Improve your coping and relaxation skills. Take a deep breath and learn to relax. The cure for avoidant personality disorder is in the mind of the one with it.
- When the issue is with the mind, try to calm down and change your thoughts. Go to a quiet and safe place and close your eyes for two minutes. Try to get comfortable and clear your mind. When you do it regularly, you get better at dealing with the irritation and these thoughts of doubt and redirecting your mind's energy to more productive, positive ideas.
13Learn to love yourself. You are a worthwhile person. You have talents and capabilities worth recognizing. It's okay to feel worried and shy sometimes. You are still a strong and a good person.
- Learn to deal with criticism. Blogs such as Real Social Skills can help you with this. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes (and that's okay!) and not everyone will like you (that's also okay).
- Volunteer for a cause. (Try anonymous social media activism if you're shy.)
- Forgive yourself. Everyone is allowed to make some mistakes. People understand that. Forgive yourself, just like you forgive others.
- Write down good things about yourself every day.
14Focus on your strengths. Remember, having avoidant personality disorder does not make you any less talented or lesser skilled than others. Do not take a back seat when you desire to participate just because you wonder if you will be able to perform well or not. Go ahead, chase your dreams.
Questions and Answers
- Face your sensitive thoughts. It could help in getting a solution.
- Consider if your doubts are realistic. Is it likely that people would mostly talk behind your back? What are the chances of that? Even if they do, are those people really worth your time and consideration?
- A therapist can help you face and adjust your thoughts, fears and assumptions.
- Smile, compliment and help where it is doable. It will only come back to you in good times if not sooner.