This week we will be looking at what I call ‘Beat me up Language’.
Take a few minutes and think about the language you use when you think to yourself. For example when you do something wrong, what do you say to yourself? Do you say things like ‘You idiot, what did you do that for?’ or could it be even worse. Think about what you say when you have things to remember to do, do you tell yourself that you ‘need’ to remember or that you ‘must’ remember? If you suddenly remember something that you should have done do you tell yourself that you ‘should’ have remembered?
For a moment think about the kinds of things you would say if you were telling a child to clear up the mess they had made in their bedroom. You would probably be saying very similar words to what you have said above. Very often when you are being firm with a child, your instructions are usually accompanied with a pointing finger. Over the years you have been corrected and instructed by parents, teachers and important adults in your life, they would have used the same terminology that you use now, and because of that, it is fairly safe to say that your unconscious mind has linked these words with being ‘told off’.
As an experiment I would like you to get in tune with your body and say out loud, ‘I must remember to do that’. Now I would like you to say out loud, ‘I will remember to do that’. So out of those two statements, which one felt the lightest. Because this is new, you may have to say each of them a couple of times and really feel the difference. You will find that it is the last statement that feels the lightest because the word ‘must’ is a pressure word. There are six very commonly used pressure words and statements, and they are, have to; got to; should; ought; must and need. If you used any of these words to instruct someone, they can easily be accompanied with a pointing finger, so if you think of your internal dialogue, you are using quite pressured language to communicate with yourself. It is very useful to remember that it is more beneficial for you to be nice to you, as it makes you feel better and that allows you to be more productive and achieve more.
Words that you could replace the pressure words with are words like, will; can; may; choose and want.
You may think that this information is so small and even stupid that it wouldn’t make any difference but if you take some time and think about how much you think and use these pressure words you will definitely find that you feel happier with yourself. Each feeling may only be small but a lot of them make a big difference – just think, grains of sand are very small but a lot of them can make a beach.
Don’t forget to let me know how you are getting on as I would love to hear from you.
Best wishes. Bx