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Have you ever wanted to understand something like why self harm is common in teenagers? This is a guide to getting over our inner judgmental opinions and labeling people who self harm.
1Learn what causes people to self harm. Triggers for self harm in teenagers include:
- relationship problems
- friendship problems
- peer pressure, academics
- family problems
- taking drugs and consumption of alcohol
- having personality traits such as being sensitive or being a perfectionist
- having a mental illness
- having an intellectual or physical disability
2Try to eliminate your opinions that you have gained, if they sound the slightest bit judgmental or critical. Saying things like 'They're so emo' and 'Just get over it, you big baby' aren't helpful at all.
- It's both discriminating and offensive to make a negative remark on someone's self harm habits as self harm has been classed as a serious mental disability. Telling someone to just get over it shows that you don't understand their problem at all as self harm is an outlet for mental pain that they are holding. It's a distraction.
3Understand that people from all different races, genders, sexual orientations, marital statuses, religions, ages, and lifestyle groups self harm. Don't just assume that anyone who looks upset a lot,wears black clothing and dark makeup or has really pale skin self harms, Making an assumption like that will just make you look ignorant and insensitive, as well as offending the other person.
- Think of emo as an artistic style, rather than a diagnosis.
4Try to help someone. If you find out someone does self harm don't be the one to yell out 'stop being so emo'. Step up and be someone who matters and make a difference. Approach them privately and ask them how they are feeling, how their life is, if they are having any problems then kindly ask them if they self harm.
- 'I've been really worried about you. You've seemed kind of listless lately and there are cuts on your arms. If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you.'
- 'You seem upset. Let me know if there's anything I can do, of if you'd like to talk.'
5Know what you shouldn't ask. Asking questions like: 'are you emo', 'are you depressed', 'do you cut' or 'why are you so sad' are usually unhelpful. Bringing up stereotypes (even unintentionally) may cause them to feel misunderstood and out of place.
6Watch their body language before bringing up self harm. If they don't seem open to discussing it, just tell them you care about them, and then leave them alone. One of the most important things about talking to a person with self harm is showing that you care about them; one person really can make a difference.
7Understand that words do hurt. Don't go saying anything to someone you wouldn't want them to say to you. Unwanted remarks, teasing or name calling is classed as bullying and you can face severe legal consequences such as jail time and criminal charges if the person were to do something that has seriously harmed them or put them at risk of harm because of bullying.
8Understand that suicide and self harm are two completely different things. Suicide is the act of killing oneself, while self harm is harming your body intentionally. Self harm is sometimes even a way that people feel that can keep them from taking their life. People who self harm are at greater risk for suicide, because the same pain that causes them to hurt themselves may later cause them to feel that life is too painful to keep living.
- Someone who self harms may later attempt suicide if things get worse. However, not all people who self harm are suicidal, and self harm should not be automatically seen as a suicide attempt.
- Self harm is a way to cope with pain; suicide is an attempt to end it because it is too overwhelming.
QuestionMy brother always judges people who self harm and he makes rude jokes. He thinks all people who self harm are suicidal, but that's not true. I cut and it hurts when he says this stuff. Tips?Community AnswerPoint out to your brother why you self-harm (you don't have to tell him that you do, just let him know that you understand what's going through people's heads when they hurt themselves on purpose). And while you're at it, get help form an adult you trust, both to stop self-harming yourself, and to get your point across to your stereotyping brother.
QuestionWhy would anyone want to hurt themselves?Community AnswerIt is good that you don't get it. There are many different reasons. Some people harm themselves to distract themselves from whatever emotional pain they have. Others do it as a cry for help. Some people aren't sure why they do it.
QuestionI told a friend that I cut myself, and he said that I have to stop by next week or he's going to start cutting. I'm trying to stop but I can't. What do I do?Community AnswerEven though it sounds like he's trying to help, your friend should not be putting you in that position. You might want to put a little distance between yourself and him while you're trying to recover from this. Read the article on How to Stop Self Harming and talk to an adult about this (like a parent or guidance counselor). You don't have to go through this alone, and as you can see, friends your age are probably not the best option for help.
QuestionHow do I spare my body from another cut?Community AnswerYou probably aren't looking for the answer, "Go get help right away," because it's hard to tell people about your self-harm. That's still the best answer, but a good way to discourage yourself is to get rid of as many blades as possible. Also, every time you DON'T cut yourself, reward yourself with something special.
QuestionI understand that its a long process to stop self harming, but how does someone start? Do they just decide to self harm one day to feel better?Community AnswerIt can be a slow process, beginning small with very minor injuries and getting worse, or it can start with a single bad moment and an overflow of emotion.
QuestionIs punching a wall a form of self-harm?Community AnswerIf you are doing it to cause yourself physical pain, then yes.
QuestionWhat do I do if I fear I will lose control and try to kill myself but I don't want to die?Community AnswerGet help. Talk to a parent or teacher if your are underage. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or a suicide hotline.
QuestionIs it self harm if it isn't done with a razor blade?Community AnswerYes. If you do anything to deliberately cause yourself physical pain, then it is self-harm.
QuestionHow do I START cutting myself?Community AnswerYou don't. It's a very debilitating and serious condition, and no one who does it would ever wish it on another human being. If this is about trying to look or act a certain way, or emulate someone, then this isn't the answer. HOWEVER, if you're in a tough spot, and you're worried that you may start to self-harm, then this would definitely be a good topic to bring up with, say, your parents. Or other responsible adults. Or, you know, 911.
QuestionHow do I tell my teacher I self harm and I'm depressed? Would she have to tell my parents? I'm 14 and I live in England.Community AnswerMost likely your teacher would be under a legal obligation to inform your parents. You shouldn't let that stop you, though. Your teacher can help you talk to your parents about it, or if something is going on at home that is leading you to engage in this behavior, they can help you with that too. The most important thing is that you talk to someone.
- Be sure when and if you find out if someone is self-harming that you don't yell at them or put them under pressure. Try to change your feeling toward them to make them happy.
- Don't force someone to stop self-harming or to admit to it
- Don't try to assume that anyone can just 'stop' self-harming.
- If you want to understand them, be there for them. They will tell you everything.
- Don't make them feel uncomfortable or ask about it unless they talk about their self harm first.
- Remember that even the kindest or happiest people you see might go home and self harm. So don't just assume that someone self harms, but make sure you're still there for them, in case they decide they want to be open with you.
- When meeting that engages in self harm do not tell them that doing so is selfish. By doing this their feelings may be hurt causing them to injure themselves more intensely.
- If you see something, don't point it out. It may cause unwanted attention; sometimes, the best thing to do is just talk to the person.
- Don't treat the person that's self harming like a monster, it only causes more stress and you need to understand and listen. Put yourself in there shoes or try to relate and don't taunt them, it's best if your there for them and encourage them to stay strong and if they relapse be comforting and start again. It only makes things worse when you don't listen, and don't assume either.
- If you or someone else engage in self harm get help immediately as self harm leads to mental illnesses and permanent scarring and rare cases of extreme blood loss as well as infections and blood diseases and may also restrict your job choices later in the future.