Definition of parenting
A real parent is the one who helps his children to eradicate their personality defects and imbibe good qualities. However, today's parents feel that buying costly clothes and eatables and paying high fees for coaching classes are their only duties. They fail to understand that these things make the children desirous of only worldly pleasures. These pleasures nurture defects in them. So, parents have to introspect whether they are giving true education to their children. It is the duty of parents to help their children to imbibe good qualities and thus, lead a happy life.
Only happy parents can generate a happy generation
Only happy parents can generate a happy generation. In order to create good sanskars (subconscious impressions) on children's mind there should be good communication between the parents and children. Only parents who are free from stress can teach their children to live a stress-free life. They can communicate with their child easily. Children do not feel like talking to parents who are always under stress. They do not feel like conveying their ideas, thoughts and problems to such parents. Hence, it is necessary that the parents remain stress-free.
Reasons for development of stress in parents
A. Always living in the past: Parents whose minds are always dwelling in the past cannot communicate with their children. Children easily forget their past and always live in the present; hence they are always happy. We always recollect the incidents and happenings of the past and keep on carrying the burden of bad experiences faced in the past. So, when children try to talk to us, we are not in a condition to listen to them and understand them. Hence, we must always try to live in the present.
B. Negative talk & approach: Negative statements like, ‘You do not know anything', 'you are useless', hurt children tremendously. Physical injuries get healed, but the hurt caused on one's mind is not easily healed. So we should be always positive in our approach and speech while talking to children. Our talk should be such that it should encourage children.
C. Not accepting our mistakes in front of children: Accepting our mistakes reduces the stress on our mind. Children develop respect for us. Since children try to impersonate their parents, they too learn to accept their mistakes honestly. When we hide our mistakes, we become tense. Children realise all our mistakes. So, when we don't accept our mistakes, they feel, ‘My mother and father do not accept their mistakes, then why should I?’ This develops a subtle rift between the children and parents.
D. Constantly trying to find faults with the children: If we constantly try to find faults with our children we will always remain tense. Instead, we should try to notice their good qualities and acknowledge them. As a result, children too realise and accept their personality defects as time passes and try to eradicate them. If we look at the virtues of our children instead of finding faults with them, we shall always remain in a state of bliss.
E. Preserving one's personal image while talking to children: Many parents are careful to preserve their image with respect to their position in the society even while talking to their children. Parents will never be able to communicate efficiently with their children if they have pride in their mind about the position they occupy in society. In such a situation, parents are under stress and children disregard them. Parents should behave naturally with their children forgetting their career and their position in the society. Only then will they be able to remain happy and bring up their children efficiently.
F. Speaking authoritatively: Children do not like when their parents speak with them authoritatively. Instead of speaking with authority, we should talk lovingly with them. We do not feel like accepting something that is told authoritatively. Thus we should remember that, talking authoritatively results in stress, whereas talking lovingly results in bliss.
G. Forgetting that children too have Divine principle in them: While communicating with children we must always remember that, every child has Divine Principle in him. Respect the Divine Principle in them while speaking to them. So, while speaking to children, do not think that you are talking to a person; instead, think that you are speaking to the Divine principle. This will help in removing the stress and will help in you in experiencing bliss.
H. Every person has a different nature: Parents, remember that, each and every person has a different nature / character. Parents should recognise their children's nature, their likes and their capacity, physical and mental ability and so on. Many parents interact with their children with a view to compete and to maintain their own image in the society. As a result, tension develops between the parents and children. We must remember that understanding our children's nature and conversing with them accordingly will result in happiness, whereas failing to do so will result in stress.
I. Not explaining properly: Everything must be explained to children properly. While speaking to children we must go down to their level; only then, will the child respect us and listen to us. Thus, if the child is in the 1st standard, then the parent should communicate with him at that level. However, because of ego, parents are reluctant to go down to the level of the children while speaking to them and thus, children fail to respect and listen to them. This develops stress in their minds. Parents must understand that they can minimise their stress if they communicate with children by going down to their level.
J. No communication with children: No one is available to listen to the problems faced by the children. Parents are busy with their work, whereas teachers are only concerned about completing their syllabus. As a result, children are mentally confused. They lose respect and faith in their parents. Parents are stressed because children do not listen to them. Casual talk brings them together. So, it is very essential that parents take out time to sit and talk casually with their children for at-least 15 minutes daily. This will help in minimising stress and will result in happiness.
K. High expectations: Children do not like when we converse with them with expectations in our mind. Since their ego is very less, they immediately perceive vibrations of expectations. We should converse with them without having any expectations. Love exists where there are no expectations. Thus, instead of expecting that, ‘My son will take care of me in my old age, he will retain and enhance my reputation in the society’, it is advisable to think, ‘God is there to take care of me always'.
O, parents, if we put into practise the above-mentioned points, we will experience bliss. We will be able to create a well-cultured generation. In order to put into practice all the points explained above, we must worship our Kuladevata (Family Deity).
– Shri. Rajendra Pavaskar (Guruji), Panvel.