Love and Purity in Marriage creates a spiritual bond that has beauty and strength.
In today's culture, we can sometimes forget the importance of time-tested traditions. In the context of a culture movement called "Sex Positive", our readers asked: what is the marriage ideal? And what are the historical roots and social science context of our government supporting the marriage contract? Finally, what is the anti-thesis of marriage with its stability, enduring model of commitment and unconditional love and reflection of God's love for his people? That would be the shallow aerobic movement called the Sex Positive movement attempting to gain traction in our culture and schools across the nation.
The Traditions of Marriage
In the book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas reveals how marriage trains us to love God and others well, how it exposes our own failings and selfish motives and ultimately makes us more aware of the goodness of God and the sacred nature of doing life together. Good marriages bring us closer together and feeds the spiritual life, and more. But this is first built on shared values and a mature view of giving to each other rather than taking from each other.
July 2, 1837, the Rev. H. H. Norris reflected on a new law pertaining to marriage as an occasion to remind his readers of the importance of the spiritual (as well as civil) perspective on marriage. In part he highlights:
- God is deeply involved in bringing man and woman together
- Marriage is a God-inspired institution
- Marriage is not a partnership of convenience but an institution, a sacred vow not to be easily severed
- The "very essence of the alliance" is a healthy interdependence between a man and a woman in the context of relationship
Has the reader noticed that sexual behaviors were not mentioned once so far? Why is that? Is it because the earlier generations of Americans were prudes? They didn't have sex?
The sexual intimacy between a man and a woman is a private conversation not to be paraded in public. Certainly the earliest generations of husbands and wives had sexual relationships: the fertility rate of a woman in 1850 was between 5.4 and 7.9 children. But they understood that the intimacy of a sexual relationship intertwined with the deepest of emotional connections was something sacred and private, not something to be paraded, made gaudy and exploited.
Marriage is a Science?
Yes, even the social sciences weigh in on core values of marriage and its benefits. According to Harvard psychologist Mark O'Connell, PhD: "Marriage is an intimate and enduring relationship that grows over time and makes you a better person." Notice the word intimacy. It is difficult to be vulnerable, trusting and experience deep personal growth when your spouse is busy explaining your sexual behaviors publicly. Sex is intimate and meant to stay that way.
Family scholars scoured the literature and summarized their findings at familyscholars.org. There are 30 conclusions from Social Scientists. Highlighted findings are below:
- Marriage increases the likelihood that fathers and mothers have good relationships with their children.
- Marriage is a virtually universal human institution.
- Married couples seem to build more wealth
on average than singles or cohabiting
- Minorities benefit economically from
- Marriage is associated with reduced rates of
alcohol and substance abuse for both adults
- A child who is not living with his or her own
two married parents is at greater risk of child
And what about the sex? After all, abstinence-based educators explain the best scenario is to wait to have sex when you are married. Does that lead to a more satisfied sex life in marriage? According to a Brigham Young University study:
couples who waited till marriage to have sex had the following advantages…
- 22% higher relationship stability
- 20% higher relationship satisfaction
- 15% better sex (“higher sexual quality of the relationship”)
- 12% better communication.
And there's even more advantages of marriage:
Most married couples don't consciously think about the benefits of their marriage. But when asked to think about it, this anecdotal list came about. We thought we'd share it with our curious readers... what would you add to this list? Let us know.
- I appreciate waking up and having someone call me beautiful.
- I appreciate that I have a partner that I can lean on when I am hurting or scared.
- I appreciate that I have someone to tell my most intimate secrets to without judgment.
- I appreciate the little jokes throughout the day that brighten my mood.
- I appreciate the father he is to my children.
- I appreciate that he always makes sure we have everything we need and a little more.
- I appreciate the strength and comfort he brings me.
- I appreciate that I have been given the chance to recognize what I really have instead of concentrating on what I didn't have.
If the sexual intimacy in marriage has a high satisfaction rate, how can it be called bad/dirty/wrong/sinful?
There is a new morality in town: the Sex Positive Movement. And their movement is positive (sex is good, healthy & natural; having sex is good & educating our children from a young age that sex is pleasurable is ... positive). True Love Waits abstinence-based social movements, monogamy and ultimately marriage are considered -- shameful, repressive and prudish. In our next article, we will unpack the upside-down world of the Sex Positive ideology.