The information presented below is intended to provide
a general overview of a behavioral approach to improving children's behavior.
Designing and implementing an effective behavioral plan will vary from one
child to the next, however, and consultation with an experienced child mental
health professional is recommended.
Despite the well documented benefits of stimulant medication for
treating Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention Deficit Disorder,
medication is no panacea and some children with ADHD/ADD should not receive
it. There are several reasons for this. First, although medication helps
the majority of children with ADHD/ADD, as many as 20% derive no real benefit
from medication. Second, some children experience side effects that prevent
them from receiving medication on an extended basis. Third, many children
who benefit from medication still have difficulties with primary ADHD/ADD
symptoms or associated problems which must be targeted via other means. Fourth,
some children with ADHD/ADD can have their symptoms managed effectively without
medication (this is most likely to be true, however, when symptoms are relatively
mild.) In addition to these reasons, some children have extremely strong
objections to taking medication - this may be more likely to occur with teenagers.
In these circumstances, trying to force medication on a child can create
more problems than it solves. For all these reasons, other treatments are
often necessary - some would say always necessary - to effectively treat
An important non-medical approach used in treating children with
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention Deficit Disorder is known
as behavior therapy or behavior management. Behavior therapy is based on several
simple and sensible notions about what leads children to behave in socially
appropriate ways. One reason is that children generally want to please their
parents and feel good about themselves when their parent is proud of them.
When the relationship between parent and child is basically positive, this
is a very important source of motivation. A second reason that children behave
appropriately is to obtain positive consequences for doing so (i.e. privileges
or rewards). Finally, children will behave appropriately to avoid the negative
consequences that follow inappropriate behavior.
The goal of behavior therapy, therefore, is to increase the frequency
of desirable behavior by increasing the child's interest in pleasing parents
and by providing positive consequences when the child behaves. Inappropriate
behavior is reduced by consistently providing negative consequences when
such behavior occurs. This is a simplified, but not unreasonable view, of
what behavior therapy is all about.
"My child and I seem to be in conflict
almost all the time and I don't think he cares about pleasing me at all.
How can I change this?"
Let's begin by focusing on children's desire to please their parents. Often
times, relationships between parents and children become fraught with conflict
and angry feelings in response to the frustration caused by ADHD/ADD symptoms.
Good times between parent and child can dwindle to almost nothing, and the
child's desire to please his or her parent can evaporate. After all, most
of us are not interested in pleasing someone that we constantly argue with.
Unfortunately, when this important positive source of motivation for good
behavior disappears, parents have to rely more exclusively on the threat
of punishment to induce compliance. This generally makes for ongoing conflict
In many situations, therefore, the first step in behavioral treatment
is to enhance the amount of positive feelings between parent and child. One
helpful way to do this is to set aside a certain amount of time each day
(30 minutes is certainly sufficient) that is designated as the child's "special
time". During this time, the child gets to choose the activity (it must be
within reason, of course), and the parent's sole focus is on trying to have
a good time with his or her child. During this time, it is important to avoid
asking too many questions or giving commands, and instead to simply tune
in to what your child is doing in an interested and complimentary way. For
example, if your child is building a tower with blocks, the comment "Don't
you think it would be better if you used these bigger blocks first?", will
be less helpful than a comment like "Boy, the tower your building is really
The goal of this time is build up good feelings between your child
so that your child will become more invested in wanting to please you. When
this occurs, discipline and limit setting generally go much smoother. When
parents first begin to try this, they are often surprised to getting chores,
homework, or errands done. The absence of this special time can be a real
loss for both parents and children, and working to make it part of your routine
can yield substantial benefits in parents' relationship with their children.
USING POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
The second focus of behavioral treatment involves providing your
child with positive consequences for behaving in appropriate ways. The simple
logic is that you can increase the frequency of desired behavior (e.g. putting
away toys) by providing rewards when such behavior occurs. At the simplest
level, this requires nothing more than noticing when your child is doing
something you want to encourage (e.g. playing quietly) and making sure to
comment on it ("You're doing such a nice job of playing quietly. I really
appreciate that."). Think about the kinds of behavior you want to encourage,
make sure your child understands what you want him or her to do, and then
be sure to praise your child whenever you happen to observe it occurring.
This simple technique of noticing good behavior is easy to overlook and can
be quite helpful. I often recommend to parents that they make a conscious
effort to catch their child doing something good at least 5 times a day and
to point it out. When children are convinced that their parents notice and
appreciate their efforts at behaving well, it frequently increases their
desire to do so.
In addition to these "social rewards", behavioral treatment also
involves providing your child with concrete rewards and/or privileges for
appropriate behavior. As an example, suppose your child has developed the
problematic habit of talking back. You tell him to put away his toys and
he tells you "not now, later". One way to increase your child's compliance
is to make a tangible reward or privilege contingent on his following your
request. For example, you could explain that each time he does what he is
told he will earn a point. These points can then be used to "purchase" a privilege
such as access to TV, computer time, ect.
Designing a good behavior plan and implementing it effectively is
not easy, and parents may often require professional assistance to do this
successfully. Although the specifics of a good plan will vary from child
to child and from parent to parent, there are several general principles
that are important to keep in mind:
* Be very clear about what behavior is expected of your child
in order to earn the reward and make sure your child's understands this.
For example, "Listening to what I say" would be too vague; "Picking
up your toys and putting them away the first time I ask" is more specific.
* Make sure that the expectation you have for your child is reasonable
- do not set you and your child up for failure by having expectations that
are not appropriate for your child's age.
It is always a good idea to reflect on what you expect from your
child and consider whether your expectations are reasonable. For example,
punishing a 5 year old for being unable to sit quietly at the dinner table
for an hour will generally create problems because most 5 year olds simply
can not do this. For children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention
Deficit Disorder, behavioral expectations need to take this into account
in addition to the child's age.
* Don't try to work on too many different things at one time.
It is generally better to focus on a couple of things that are really
important rather than taking on everything at once. Choose your battles carefully
* Let your child participate in choosing the types of rewards
he or she can earn
Children are generally more invested in this type of program when
they have some input in its design. Try to create the feeling that this is
something that you are doing with your child rather than something you are
doing to your child.
* Design the program so your child has a good chance to experience
some initial success.
It is important that the child experience some initial success in
order to maintain and enhance their motivation. As their behavior improves,
you can gradually raise the criterion required to earn rewards.
* Be sure to provide lots of social rewards (e.g. praise) in
addition to the more tangible rewards that can be earned.
This is a great way to increase your childish desire to please you
and to increase the amount of positive feelings between you and your child.
* Be consistent.
For this approach to succeed you have to apply it consistently.
Using the program one day but not the next, or failing to provide rewards
when they are earned, is a sure fire way to keep this from being helpful.
"Isn't this bribing my child? Why should
he be rewarded for things he should do anyway?"
Parents are often concerned that providing their child with rewards for behaving
appropriately is nothing more than bribery. The way I prefer to look at this,
however, is that you are providing your child with the opportunity to earn
extra privileges for behaving in a more mature and cooperative manner. An
analogy to the adult workplace may be useful here. If your boss promises
a promotion and raise for a specified level of productivity are you being
bribed, or are you being given the chance to earn a deserved reward for a
job well done? If your child's behavior improves shouldn't he or she have
access to more privileges than when they were behaving poorly? That is really
all that is being talked about here - the main difference with what most
parents already try to do is that the expectations and rewards for meeting
those expectations are made more explicit.
USING NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES TO REDUCE MISBEHAVIOR
In addition to using positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior,
behavioral treatment also relies on negative consequences or punishment to
reduce undesirable behavior. Simply stated, when a particular behavior is
consistently followed by negative consequences for a child, it should diminish
in frequency and intensity.
For example, suppose you are trying to reduce your child's tendency
to "talk back" and this is being targeted in your behavioral treatment plan.
Here is a general approach one might take.
* First, your child would need to understand exactly what you mean
by "talking back" so it is clear what should not be done.
* Second, you would want to teach your child an acceptable way to
disagree with you - how he or she is allowed to express disagreement and
how they can not.
* Third, as discussed above, you would review with your child the
rewards they will earn for not talking back and for expressing disagreements
in an acceptable way.
* Finally, you would discuss with your child what privileges they
will lose each time they "talk back". For example, talking back could result
in their having to take a "time out", losing TV time, having to go to bed
early, ect. If you are using a token system where your child is accumulating
tokens that can be used to purchase rewards, talking back can result in the
loss of a pre-specified number of tokens.
By setting things up this way, what you are trying to do is to make
sure your child understands that there is simply no pay-off for bad behavior.
Instead, when he or she acts appropriately, it will always result in good
things coming their way. In contrast, when behavioral expectations are not
met, the consequences are always negative.
IMPORTANT - Try hard not to overdo the negative consequences.
Children tend to get discouraged if they are used too frequently and can
lose interest in the program as a result. If you find yourself having to
resort to negative consequences too frequently, it's important to take a
careful look at what may be going wrong with an eye towards redesigning the
HAVE A GAME PLAN!
Now it would be wonderful if the first time you used a negative
consequence as discussed above, it effectively ended your child's misbehavior.
As we all know, however, this is often not the case. Instead, you may take
away TV time because of some misbehavior, and your child either ignores you
or says he "doesn't care" and continues with the problematic behavior.
It is easy to become frustrated and angry in situations like this.
At such times it is easy (I know from experience because this is a mistake
I make myself) to blurt out a punishment that is born of frustration and
will be difficult if not impossible to enforce:
"You're grounded for the next 2 weeks!"
"That's it! No more birthday party for you!"
I know that I've had the experience of shouting out something like this,
and realizing right away that it wasn't something I would stick with. In
fact, it wasn't even something I should stick with because it was excessive
and unreasonable. You are then left with the uncomfortable choice of enforcing
something unreasonable to show your child that you mean business or backing
down. Choose the former and your child is justifiably upset and you wind
up feeling guilty. Choose the latter and your child gets the idea that punishments
don't matter because you don't stick with them anyway.
One helpful way to avoid this dilemma is to plan out, IN ADVANCE,
a graded series of punishments for persistent misbehavior. For example, when
your child initially fails to comply you could impose a 5 minute time-out.
If the non-compliance continues you could say "If you don't do what your
told now, the time out will increase to 10 minutes." Continued non-compliance
results in loss of TV in addition to the time out. After that, an earlier
bed time could be imposed. You have to decide what specifics make sense,
of course, but the general point is to have an escalating series of consequences
that you can calmly but firmly announce and calmly but firmly enforce. (It
is best that these consequences do not extend into the following day so the
new day can get off to a fresh start.) Having this plan in mind can help you
to keep your cool and prevent you from blurting out a punishment that is
not going to be helpful. If you can stick with this, your child should learn
that there is something nothing to be gained by persistent disobedience.
DON'T TEACH YOUR CHILD TO MISBEHAVE!
Here is a pattern that is easy to fall into and which is associated
with increasing misbehavior and non-compliance. You ask or tell your child
to do something like pick up his toys. Your child ignores you and keeps on
playing. You repeat your request and your child ignores you again. You get
angry and intensify your demand; your child gets angry in response and starts
to tantrum. After a few more cycles of this you are both good and angry.
To keep things from exploding, you drop your demand, send your child away,
and pick up the toys yourself because "it's not worth all the hassle and
aggravation" trying to make your child do it.
Most parents have been through something like this, and with children
who have ADHD/ADD and are also oppositional, this is a distressingly frequent
occurrence. Unfortunately, what a child learns from this type of exchange
is that if they just hang in there and persist in being defiant, they will
eventually get their way. What happens, therefore, is that your child's disobedience
is actually being REWARDED. This can really result in things
going downhill because your child is being taught that defiance actually
This is why it is important to chose your battles carefully. Once
you demand something of your child, BE SURE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT.
If your child persists in being defiant, try using the graded series of consequences
as discussed above. Your child needs to see that you mean business, and that
there is ABSOLUTELY NO PAYOFF for being disobedient.
"This type of behavioral approach sounds like
something that would be useful with all children. Is there anything different
about using this approach with a child who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity
Disorder/Attention Deficit Disorder?"
Using a combination of special time, positive reinforcement, and
negative consequences to encourage good behavior is, of course, a technique
that can be useful with all children. Although the basic principles are similar
for children with and without ADHD/ADD, factors specific to ADHD/ADD generally
require certain modifications to be made. Several of these important modifications
* Children with ADHD/ADD generally require more frequent feedback
about how they are doing in meeting the parent (or teacher's) expectations.
Research has consistently demonstrated that children with Attention
Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention Deficit Disorder perform better
when they are given frequent feedback about their performance. Thus, if the
behavior you are targeting is "following directions", it is better to provide
your child with feedback about how well they are following directions every
hour, rather than doing this once at the end of the day. The actual time
interval is something to experiment with; the important point is that a child
with ADHD/ADD needs frequent feedback for behavioral programs to be effective.
* Children with ADHD/ADD do better with short term goals than
long term goals.
This follows from the above. Along with more frequent feedback,
children with ADHD/ADD generally require shorter intervals between the opportunity
to earn rewards. For example, promising a weekend reward for good behavior
during the week may be too far in the future to function as an effective
motivator for a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention
Deficit Disorder. Daily rewards, or even more frequent opportunity to earn
privileges, will often be necessary. Providing a child with points or "tokens"
for good behavior that can be used to purchase more tangible rewards (e.g.
TV time; Nintendo time; getting to rent a video) can be useful because they
can be frequently and easily dispensed, and have value because of their connection
to desired activities and objects.
* Children with ADHD/ADD require more frequent reminders about
what is expected of them and what they can earn for meeting those expectations.
For this approach to be effective, it needs to occupy a prominent
place in a child's mind. Children who forget what their behavior goals are
and what they are trying to earn by achieving those goals are unlikely to
be successful. For a child with ADHD/ADD, frequent reminders about the goals
and rewards are important. This can be done in the context of providing feedback
on how the child is doing.
* Children with ADHD/ADD often require frequent changes in the
program to remain interested in it.
Those of you who have already tried various behavior plans may be
well aware of this. It is not uncommon for a child to get off to a great
start and then lose interest in earning any rewards. The best way to combat
this is to try change the program to keep it feeling "new". This can be done
by changing the rewards (e.g. one day the reward to be earned in TV time,
the next day it is getting to stay up an extra half hour, ect.) If your using
tokens, changing the actual token can also be helpful. For example, one week
pennies might be used, the next week marbles, the next week stickers, ect.
Obviously, this all depends on the age of the child and what his or her interests
happen to be. It certainly takes plenty of hard work and creativity on parents'
"What kinds of behaviors can be addressed with
this type of approach?"
In theory, virtually any type of behavior can be targeted using
a behavioral treatment approach. For example, primary ADHD/ADD symptoms such
as not completing tasks can be targeted by providing rewards for task completion.
Symptoms such as interrupting and talking out of turn can be targeted in
similar ways. Associated difficulties such as deliberate non-compliance,
aggression, ect. can also be targeted in a behavioral treatment plan. Regardless
of what behavior is being targeted it is essential to be sure that:
* the child understands what is being expect of him or her;
* the expectation is reasonable and something the child is capable
* the child understands what rewards can be earned by meeting the
* the child understands what the negative consequences will be for
not meeting the expectation;
* you follow through with what you say you are going to do;
REMEMBER, DON'T TRY TO TAKE ON TO MANY THINGS AT ONCE AND TRY
TO SET THINGS UP SO THE CHILD HAS A GOOD CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE SOME EARLY
SUCCESS. DON'T EXPECT OR REQUIRE PERFECTION. EVEN A SMALL IMPROVEMENT IS
STILL AN IMPROVEMENT.
"I don't think this will work because it's
impossible to enforce consequences with my child. Trying to enforce a punishment
just makes him angrier.
Unfortunately, things can get to this point. Even in these situations,
however, sometimes one parent has more success than the other. For children
with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/Attention Deficit Disorder
who are also oppositional, fathers often seem to have greater success than
If this is the case, one approach is for mom to calmly and firmly
attempt to induce compliance from the child and to be clear about what the
consequences for continued non-compliance will be. If the child refuses to
comply, make it clear that when dad gets home they will need to do what is
being demanded and that the consequences will be enforced at that time. PLUS,
an additional negative consequence will also be administered. By refusing
to listen to mom, therefore, they are not getting out of what they don't
want to do, but only delaying the inevitable. In fact, by not listening to
mom, they will actually be making things worse. The intent here is to keep
mom from getting into an unsuccessful and escalating battle with the child
while making it clear to the child that there is no pay off for not listening
to mom. For this approach to work, cooperation between parents and support
for each others efforts is essential.
"What if neither parent can get their child
This is sometimes the case. If both parents are unable to induce
compliance from their child, and their best efforts are not successful, consultation
with an experienced child mental health professional is essential. The longer
behavioral difficulties persist the harder they are to change and it is critical
to stop an escalating cycle of misbehavior as quickly as possible.
The ideas discussed above are intended to provide parents with a
general overview of a behavioral approach to improving children's behavior.
In many cases, consultation with an experienced child mental health professional
will increase the success that parents experience with this approach.