Last week NFL player Adrian Peterson turned himself in on charges of child abuse after a session of disciplining his 4-year-old son left cuts, welts and
bruises on the boy’s body.
The gruesome incident sparked a national debate about whether or not it’s ever OK for a parent to hit a child. Research shows the answer is a resounding “No!”
Most parents believe they are doing the right thing when they strike or spank their child, but experts say that hitting a child causes more long-term harm than good — even if it temporarily corrects misbehavior.
Murray Straus, a parenting expert and the director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, writes in his book The Primordial Violence:
[S]panking does not work better than other modes of correction, such as time out, explaining, and depriving a child of privileges. Moreover, the research clearly shows that the gains from spanking come at a big cost. These include weakening the tie between children and parents and increasing the probability that the child will hit other children and their parents, and as adults, hit a dating or marital partner. Spanking also slows down mental development and lowers the probability of a child doing well in school.
We know that children learn by imitating what they see their parents saying and doing. Hitting children when they do something wrong teaches them that violence is the appropriate response to feelings of anger.
Discipline is about teaching, and a child does not need to be hurt to learn. So even if you were spanked as a kid (and many parents today were), the science shows there are much safer and more effective methods of addressing misbehavior.
The Parents Action for Children video “Discipline: Teaching Limits With Love,” hosted by renowned child-development expert Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, explores the most effective, nonviolent methods of addressing misbehavior and explains how to establish discipline with children from the start.
It’s normal to be upset with a child who annoys you, goes against your wishes or just won’t listen. But keep in mind that it’s never OK to translate your anger into physical actions or verbal abuse.
Your ultimate goal should be to communicate your message in a calm, firm way. If your child sees you working to calm yourself down, even if you have to leave the room to do it, she will know that it’s OK to get angry and then calm down and regain control before dealing with a situation.
A child can only learn behavior that she sees, and you are her most important role model.