It is important that parents work on communicating with angry teenage children. Although it may seem that their offspring hates and rejects them, this is generally not the case. Here are some examples of how parents have helped their teens to manage their anger and channel it in more appropriate ways:
Cindy was angry and hostile toward her parents and accused them of restricting her freedom. Her mother and father sat her down at the kitchen table and asked her to tell them exactly how she felt toward them. They promised not to react, instead making notes of her frustrations. They then asked her what she saw as a solution. Cindy felt she had a safe place to express her anger and her parents were able to work through the issues with her and come to an arrangement that both sides were comfortable with. It may be necessary to repeat this process many times as a teen matures.
Over a period of months, Matthew changed from a confident young man into an irritable teen who moped around the house. He would fly into a rage from time to time and he broke a door and smashed some kitchen appliances. His father bought a punching bag and some boxing gloves and when he sensed tension, would invite Matthew to go into the garage with him and practice some boxing moves. This helped defuse the physical side of Matthew’s anger and also gave time for good father-son communication.
Sometimes a teen realizes they have overreacted in anger but don’t know how to back down. Laura was guilty of this when she had a screaming match with her mother and didn’t know how to end it. Her mother helped her save face by bursting into laughter instead of prolonging the shouting. She told Laura she had won that round in terms of volume but in future she would prefer it if they could talk instead of shout. Laura appreciated this response instead of threats and punishment.
While parents can cause anger in their teenagers, their children may also suffer stress at school and with friends. Sean was being bullied on a daily basis and was angry that no one seemed able to help him. His parents asked if he would like them to speak to the school principal but he declined. Instead they sat down with him and helped him work out a plan of action which he carried through himself. With each minor success, his anger levels subsided until the bullying stopped and he was back to his usual self.
See What Works
Adolescent and anger management strategies will vary from teen to teen and family to family. It may be worth experimenting with a few approaches to see what suits your individual situation best. Communication is vital and parents should never be too proud to admit their mistakes – especially when they have caused upset to their teenager children.