How Tos @ RomanceClass:
Jealousy Focus Activity
This worksheet is part of the Overcoming Jealousy Program. Be sure to start there if you came into this page from another source.
You've filled out the worksheet and at least have looked at the fears that jealousy is harming you with. Sometimes though it's hard to equate those genearl fears with a real life situation. So think about your partner, and think about a particular trigger event that happens that really makes you jealous. We'll focus on that one trigger event as a way to show you that jealousy can be managed.
What is the trigger event? _________________________________________________________________________
What do you fear it means? _________________________________________________________________________
What is the worst that could happen because of this event? _________________________________________
Talk with your partner about the trigger event and the fears it causes. Explain that you wish to move beyond the fears, to overcome them. Your partner will probably be quite eager to help out, since jealousy harms both of you and harms your relationship.
Now, any time this trigger event is coming up, make sure you reinforce your love with each other first. Tell each other you love each other, or just look into each other's eyes, or even re-read a letter or poem or look at a photo of each other. Think about a memory of a time you two were really happy together. Do something to remind yourself that the love you share is alive, is real, is not a wisp of mist.
Then, during the trigger event, don't focus on the fears. The fears aren't real - only your mind is inventing them. Focus on the love you have with your partner. This love won't just blow away. It is a strong, real love. Remind yourself in strong words:
I LOVE MY DARLING. MY DARLING LOVES ME. NOTHING AS MEANINGLESS AS THIS SITUATION CAN SHAKE THAT.
Keep repeating the words. If different words appeal to you better, use those. But make sure the words are POSITIVE, that they are strong and powerful in your mind. You will find that your words can easily drown out any meandering thoughts your brain might try to show you. And you will find that when the trigger event is past, that you will feel even better about the relationship - that it will now seem even stronger to you, because something as silly as that one event couldn't even dent it.
Talk to your partner about it afterwards. Tell your partner of the love you felt, and celebrate with a special hug or dinner or walk in the park. If you still felt a twinge of jealousy during this, that's OK. Rome wasn't built in a day. But keep making that effort, and you will forge new thought patterns in your brain, that will soon become the normal, happy way you view the world.
Overcoming Jealousy Program
Master List of How Tos