If you have just recently transitioned your child to sleeping on his or her own, or are planning on making the transition soon, you may find that getting your child to stay in his or her own bed can be a challenge. In the middle of the night, you might find yourself awoken by your child crawling into your own bed, or here your child cry for you to come get them. If this is the case, there are several steps you can take to help your child adjust to sleeping in his or her own bed, rather than yours.
Talking to Your Child about Staying in Her Own Bed
1Ask your child why she moves to your bed during the night. Her answer might make overcoming this challenge much easier. Keeping communication open between you and your child may also help her to feel safer, which is important when your are trying to overcome a challenge like this together.
- For example, if your child thinks there is a monster under her bed, and she feels safer in your bed, then “kill” or send the monster on his way in order to make your child feel more comfortable. (The process of doing this will be described later in the article).
2Talk about your expectations for your child. Explain to your child that you expect her to sleep in her own bed, all night long. Remind her that nighttime is for sleeping, not for walking around the house from bed to bed. Also remind her that your bed is only big enough for sleeping adults, and that your bed does not have enough space for her at night.
- Tell your child that even though you both may be sleeping in different beds, you are only a little ways away, and that you are always there for her.
- Tell your child that you expect her to stay in bed all night because you want her to have lots of energy for all the fun activities you are going to do with her tomorrow.
3Read books that discuss children staying in their own beds. Praise characters that sleep all night long in their own beds. You can purchase specific picture books that deal with the issue of a child staying in her own bed all night long.
4Try to dissuade your child from wanting to sleep in your bed. Say things that might deter your child from wanting to sleep in your bed, like the fact that Daddy snores, or that Mommy rolls around a lot and might squish anyone who gets in her way.
- Remind your child that she could get hurt walking around the house in the dark, which is another reason why she should stay in bed.
5Speak positively about your child staying in her own bed. Alternatively, talk to your child about how comfy and spacious her bed is. Say that you wish you could sleep in here, but that the bed is made specifically for your child, and that you wouldn’t fit in it.
- Praise your child’s strength for sleeping in her own bed, and tell her how lucky she is to have such a soft, warm bed to sleep in.
Encouraging Your Child to Stay Out of Your Bed
1Pick out a date to begin your child on an independent sleep pattern. If you have not already begun to seriously try to keep your child out of your bed, pick a start date. This is the date where you will not turn back when you hear your child crying, but will instead call out that you are right here, and then get into your own bed.
- Make sure nothing incredibly major, like moving to a new house, or welcoming a new baby, is happening right around the same time that you begin making your child sleep in her own bed.
2Walk your child back to her bed. When your child wanders into your room in the night, calmly—and unemotionally—walk her back to her own bed. Do not get angry or show that her getting out of bed has affected you; this will only make her want to get out of bed more often.
- Tuck in bed and tell her that you will be close by.
3Put up a baby gate if your child keeps getting out of bed. Prevent your toddler from leaving her room by putting a baby gate across her door, so that you can still see into the room (and get in quickly if need be) but that will not allow your child to get out.
- Consider putting a bell on the baby gate so that when your child does try to get out, you will know. Set consequences around the ringing of the bell. For example, you could say, “If I hear that bell ring twice tonight, you will not be able to go to the park with your friend tomorrow”.
4Offer a reward for a good night's sleep. For example, every time she sleeps a full night in her bed, she will get a sticker. You could even have your child pick out a calendar. Every time your child sleeps through the night, she can get a sticker in the morning and put it on the day before to show that she slept through the night.
- You could even suggest that when she fills up a whole month, she can get an even bigger prize, like a scoop of ice cream, or a trip to the zoo.
5Let your child help in arranging her room. If you let your child have some say in her room, she may be more inclined to stay in it at night. Ask her how she would like her room arranged, and help her pick out her bedding.
- Encourage your child to spend time playing in her room by herself so that she gets used to being in there without you.
6”Kill” any monsters that your child might think are lurking in her room. While it may feel silly, check all of the spots where your child thinks there are monsters hiding. You could even say that you have sent the monster away, or killed it.
- If your child still isn’t satisfied, consider making a simple book (one made out of paper stapled together) that tells the story of how the monster was actually friendly, or of how the brave little girl’s parents sent the monster away. Draw pictures that your child can color so that she becomes familiar with the story.
7Create a pleasant atmosphere. Allow your child to have a nightlight on in the room if need be. Play quiet, soothing music, and give your child a stuffed animal that acts as her ‘guardian’.
- If your child has a favorite blanket, make sure she always has it with her before going to bed.
8Praise your child when she stays in her own bed for the night. When your child does manage to sleep in bed all night, shower your child with praise to let her know how happy you are that she stayed in her own bed.
- You could even consider getting her a treat.
Troubleshooting and Training Your Child
1Put your child’s mattress on the floor. If your child is really having a hard time staying in her own room, it might mean that she is not ready to sleep alone yet. However, that does not mean that she should sleep in your bed. Put her mattress on the floor in your room, and tell her that that is her special part of the room, but that your bed is your special part of the room too.
- As your child gets more comfortable, move the bed further and further away from your bed.
2Sleep on the floor in your child’s room for a couple of night. Each night, move your bed further and further away from your child’s bed. After two or three days, sit in a chair in your child’s room until your child falls asleep. Do not talk to your child while sitting there; simply sit quietly.
- If your child begins to talk to you, tell her that you will leave the room if she keeps talking. If she does, leave the room and tell her that you will only come back if she sits quietly in her bed until she falls asleep.
3Do not let your child sleep in your bed under any circumstances. Whatever the reason—fear, nightmare, fever—do not let your child sleep in your bed. If you do, it will send her mixed messages that could have her coming back to your bed every night.
- Comfort your child, and even offer to stay near her while she falls back to sleep, but do not let her sleep in your bed.
4Return your child to her bed if she sneaks in. Remind her that nighttime is a time for sleeping, not for walking around. Give her a kiss and a hug, and remind her you are nearby, but that you expect her to stay in bed for the rest of the night.
5Give your child plenty of attention during the day. One reason that children get out of bed is because they want attention from their parents. If you give your child lots of love and attention during the day, she will be less likely to seek it out at night.