If someone says that you have high self esteem, they may be paying you a compliment or criticizing you. Why is this?
Well, self-esteem sometimes means you feel self-respect and positive value, but it can also mean an exaggerated favorable impression of yourself.
Either way, it is a commentary on how you feel about yourself. It is also a strong determiner of the quality of your relationships and how successful you are in life.
Self-esteem is closely related to the images or ideas you have about yourself (your self-image), and it is an important aspect because it describes the way you feel about yourself.
That’s important because feelings are the fuel of creation behind your ideas and intentions.
In other words, you may have a wonderful list of what you would like to have in your life. But if underneath you have self-doubt, unworthiness, or thoughts there’s something wrong with you, then you will just set yourself up for failure and defeat.
What most people are not aware of is that thoughts and feelings followed by actions are all linked.
Having positive thoughts and feelings will automatically lead to positive actions and results. But negative thoughts and feelings can lead to inaction and negative results.
Does that sound like an over-simplification?
Positive self esteem is the driver that takes you to where you want to go. It fuels your determination and strengthens your personal power. That in turn leads you toward your goals.
So, low-self esteem is one of the biggest blocks to a person’s success. Why? Because when you have low self-esteem it is more difficult to perform the right actions to achieve your goals.
How’d You Get This Way?
One of the primary creators of low self esteem is self-criticism. Self-criticism is not always blatent. It can also be the subtle voices that second guesses, doubts, or outright puts negative labels on your capabilities.
Now, if you’ve been doing that for years, you can imagine how that has been undermining your best efforts.
To compensate for this, some people establish an inflated, but unrealistic, view of themselves. As this comes out in the way they talk, they usually “turn people off.” In general, most people don’t respond well to arrogance.
You might think a person who is vain or arrogant has a strong self-image, but actually the opposite is true. Their flashy outer show is a defense mechanism against self-doubt and a low self-image.
A person with healthy self image and positive self esteem has no need of being arrogant. They see themselves more accurately and recognize their strengths as well as weaknesses.
The Killer of Dreams
One of the greatest killers of dreams are these kinds of thoughts…
I made a mistake, I’m not doing it right, I can’t do it, I’m not supposed to do it, I’m incapable…
Nothing can be more destructive to your goals and dreams. It is important to recognize this tendency so that you can catch yourself doing it and put an end to it.
Here’s what to do…
One effective way of doing that is to refute the negative inner voice. For instance, you could say, “Stop. Cancel. That is simply untrue. I will no longer allow that thought to own me.”
At that point it is a good idea to repeat the positive opposite of the negative thought. I would suggest using a positive affirmation.
Do not tell yourself that “I can’t.” or “that’s impossible.” Instead, believe that your goal is possible and that you can achieve it.
So How Do You Build Positive Self Esteem?
Since thoughts are the roots of feelings and actions, you must always make sure that your thoughts are positive and beneficial.
One way to start is to take notice of your achievements. This is not vanity. It is simply recognizing the things that you have done in the past and acknowledging your abilities.
Begin by listing your accomplishments. Everyone has them. If you’ve never done this, you’ll be surprised at what you begin remembering once you get started.
List all the challenges that you were able to hurdle and the obstacles you have been able to overcome. List everything meaningful to you. For instance, things you’ve created, positions you’ve held, activities you’ve enjoyed, things you’ve done for others, etc.
In moments of doubt, you can refer back to this list and remember your accomplishments. You can continue to add to this list as the weeks go by and you remember things you forgot that may have happened long ago.
Summing it up…
Always remember that there is a strong connection between positive self esteem and success, so do anything you can to improve the quality of your thoughts for they determines your future success.
I’ll be including a lot more on this all-important subject for you and your children in subsequent articles in this series.
In the meantime, I have written a free ebook for you titled: How to Master Your Self-Esteem. Everyone can benefit from learning all there is about their self-image and self-esteem because it affects everything you attract and create in your life!