A few toddlers start using the potty and never look back. For most, though, accidents happen. Young kids often learn in spurts and stalls. Sometimes, they even regress, or lose skills they've recently acquired — including using the toilet.
As a parent, it's natural to feel frustrated and even upset when your potty-trained child has an accident. Know that, in many cases, regression is actually a healthy emotional response to feelings your child isn't yet able to express. So your best bet to handling a potty training setback is to remain positive and take steps to help your child get back on track.
What's the difference between potty training accidents and potty training regression?
Potty training accidents happen as your child first learns to use the toilet — it is a learning process, after all. Regression, however, is when a child who has been seemingly potty trained suddenly has accidents and/or wants to go back to wearing diapers. The good news: In most cases of regression, your child should pick right up where she left off in a few days or weeks.
Common causes of potty-training regression
Dealing with the causes of accidents is the key to putting potty training back on track, so be on the lookout for common triggers, which may include:
Lack of readiness. If the timing isn't right, even the best toilet training tactics won't prevent setbacks. Most toddlers show signs of potty training readiness between 20 and 30 months, though some will show these signs earlier or later.
Stress. Any new situation, such as a new sibling, a new sitter, a new daycare, changes to your child's regular routine or a family conflict may be stressful enough to trigger a regression in potty training.More Potty Training Tips from Parents Who Have Been ThereReal Moms Describe Potty Training in Just 3 WordsCan You Potty Train a Newborn Baby?Why This Dad's Hilarious Potty Training Video Resonates With Parents Everywhere
Fatigue. Feeling tired or sluggish can prevent your toddler from reaching the potty in time to use it.
Parental pressure. Pushing a toddler who isn't ready or interested in using the toilet is likely to backfire. It's important to be patient, supportive, encouraging and reassuring during the potty training process. It's also essential to let your child set the pace.
Distraction. If your child is busy playing or engrossed in another activity, she may not notice the urge to go to the potty until it's too late, or she may choose to avoid going simply because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing.
Excitement. For tots who are new to the toilet, even just being excited can trigger an accident — they may forget to go or ignore the urge, resulting in an accident.
Inability to communicate. Your child may not have the ability to express in words any fear or anxiety she's experiencing around using the toilet or any physical discomfort she may be feeling, and it may cause her to try to avoid the potty.
8 tips for handling potty training setbacks
Cleaning up puddles of pee is particularly frustrating when you thought you had already achieved this developmental milestone. But have faith that it’s only a phase and your little one will move past it. These tips can help:
Be comforting. Your child may be upset after having an accident, so be sensitive. ("You had an accident, but that's okay. Lots of kids have accidents. Maybe next time you'll make it to the potty in time.") Never scold, criticize or punish your child for having a setback.
Remember the process varies for all kids. While most kids are potty trained by about 3 years old, all kids develop at different rates and some might need more time. So be sure your child is old enough and has been showing signs of readiness.
Troubleshoot. Does your child seem stressed or tired? Anxious? Talk to your child about possible triggers for the setback. ("Are you nervous about moving to our new house?" or "Has it been different with your new brother at home?") Then try to help her communicate her feelings about what's upsetting her. You can then offer reassurance to help build confidence. ("It's normal to feel scared about your new daycare. But those feelings will go away.”)
Go back to potty training basics. Be clear about when and how to use the potty. Suggest regular bathroom breaks at key times, such as first thing in the morning, after meals and snacks, before a ride in the car and before bed, but try not to nag. Consider employing (or re-activating) a reward system with stickers.
Improve your child's chances for success. Keep the potty in a strategic place, and dress your child in easy-on, easy-off bottoms.
Try training pants. If you're potty training on the earlier side, training pants can make potty training less messy and help teach wetness awareness with cute graphics that fade when they get wet. If your child is potty training later, you may want to stick with pull-ups when accidents would be inconvenient (such as when you're away from home), and use cotton underwear for at-home training sessions.
Offer praise every step of the way. Help motivate your child by playing up the "big kid" angle. Focus on positive reinforcement and enthusiastic praise when she does successfully use the potty.More In This SeriesSet Loving Limits for Your ChildBe Wise About Toddler WarningsConsider the Consequences for ToddlersThe Reasons Behind Bad Behavior in ChildrenCatch Your Child Being Good
Give it a rest. If you've ruled out other underlying causes and your child's regression lasts longer than a month, she may simply not be ready. In that case, give potty training a break for a little while. Just get back on track as soon as your child does seem to be showing signs of readiness, since consistency is essential to success.
When to call the doctor about potty training regression or accidents
Accidents are part of the potty training process, but frequent accidents over a prolonged period could be a sign that there's an underlying medical condition that requires treatment. See your pediatrician if your toddler experiences any of these symptoms:
- Constant wetness
- Wetness following laughter
- A weak urine stream
- Painful urination or defecation
- Chronic constipation
- Blood in the urine or stool
Your pediatrician can help identify any physical or non-physical problems your toddler may be experiencing, as well as offer guidance if medications, behavior modifications or other types of treatment are necessary.