Etiquette of training children
Etiquette of training children
(1) Playfully do not do any act with a child which may be a danger to life or limb, e.g. in playfulness do not fling a child up in the air; do not playfully hold its hands and suspend it from a window, etc.
(2) Do not playfully chase a child, for perhaps he may slip and hurt himself.
(3) Do not speak shameful things in the presence of children.
(4) While the thawaab is considerable for training children in general, caring for and training girls are acts of greater merit and more thawaab.
(5) When training children neither be too strict (harsh) nor too lax.
(6) Children should be taught not to eat things people give them. They should bring such things home and eat them in the presence of their parents if they consent.
(7) Teach them to wash their hands before eating and to eat or drink with their right hands.
(8) Inculcate in them the habit of eating less so that they are saved from sickness and greed.
(9) Inculcate in children the habit of cleaning their teeth, especially with a Miswaak.
(10) Teach them to refrain from asking any of their needs from anyone other than their seniors (parents, grand-parents, etc.).
(11) Teach them never to accept gifts from anyone without the consent of their elders.
(12) Do not assume that they will automatically acquire manners and etiquette when they have grown up. Inculcate good character in them from a tender age. No one }earns of his own accord. By reading they will gain the knowledge of good culture, but still they will lack the essential training which was denied to them in childhood. Lack of training will result in the grown-up children always behaving unculturally. Furthermore, they will, without thinking, cause difficulties and inconvenience to others.
(13) Teach children to act with shame, especially when answering the call of nature. They should not reveal themselves to others.
(14) When your child has wronged someone or is at fault, never act partially. Do not side with your child, especially in his presence. To do so is to corrupt his character.
(15) Be watchful of your children's behaviour towards servants and the children of servants. Ensure that they do not trouble the servants or their children. On account of their inferior social rank, they may not complain, but in their hearts they will curse. Even if they do not curse, the misfortune of sin and injustice will be tasted.
(16) As far as possible, endeavour that they learn under suitably qualified teachers.
(17) Do not punish them while in anger. Either remove them from your presence when you are angry or go away. Later, when the anger has subsided, reflect thrice and then only mete out appropriate punishment.
(18) When the need arises to punish, do not use a heavy stick nor fists. Do not kick the child nor slap it in the face. Also do not hit on the head.
(19) Teach children the full names of their parents and grandparents as well as their addresses. Now and then ask them about this so that they remember. The benefit of this is that, Allah forbid, should they get lost, they will be able to state their identity to the one who finds them. In this way they will be returned home.
(20) Children who are studying should be given such nutrition which is good for the brain.
(21) When the need arises for girls to leave the home precincts, do not adorn them with jewellery.
(22) Emphasise to girls that they should not play with boys. The character of both boys and girls will be corrupted by such intermingling.
(23) If a boy from another house comes to your home, instruct the girls to go out of sight even though the boy may be small.
(24) If any children come to you for education, do not take service from them. Treat them like your own children.
(25) Teach children not to face the Qiblah in the toilet nor to turn their back towards the Qiblah in the toilet. Teach them the rules of tahaarat (purification) of cleaning themselves in the toilet.
(26) Do not take children along to invitations. Many people do so. Their habits are corrupted by doing so.
(27) When a child is obstinate in demanding a thing, do not fulfill its demand.
MALFOOZAAT PERTAINING TO CHILDREN:
(1) The practice of employing unqualified teachers for the elementary education of children is erroneous. People labour under the impression that the elementary kitaabs are simple, hence there is no need for a highly qualified Aalim. I say that for elementary education there is a need for a highly qualified expert.
(2) Most people make no proper arrangement for the training of children during their childhood. They say: 'They are still kids.' Habits are inculcated during early childhood days. Habits inculcated in childhood are enduring. Childhood is the time for developing moral character and for inculcating good moral habits and culture.
(3) A person once made a statement of great wisdom. It deserves to be written in gold. He said that if a child requests something, either fulfill the request the same time or, if you have refused the request, then do not fulfill its stubbornness. Even if it then obstinately demands and cries for it, do not fulfill the request under such circumstances. If you submit to the child's obstinacy, it will develop this habit. Much wisdom is required when training children.
(4) Nowadays people rear their children in the way cows are reared. They are well-fed and fattened. The ultimate end of the fattened cattle is the slaughter-house. Similarly, people feed their children well, adorn them with garments and jewels and rear them in luxury. The ultimate end of such children is Jahannum (hell). In the process the parents are also punished since by their provision of luxuries and abstention from training, the children grew up ignorant of Salaat, Saum, etc. Some unintelligent parents exceed all limits in that they keep their children entirely unaware of all things of Islam.
(5) I am always advising that during school holidays, children who are attending schools should be left in the suhbat (companionship) of Ahlullaah (Saintly persons - the Shaikhs of Tasawwuf). Even if they do not perform Salaat there, at least their ideas and beliefs will be rectified.
Freedom has now exceeded all limits. Such unbridled freedom was not seen among those who acquired western education in earlier times. Pious persons reared and trained them, hence they did not fall prey to unbridled liberalism. Now, the training is under the instruction of westernized persons. The danger for the future is greater. This is a very delicate age, an age to be extremely careful.
(6) Gentlemen! Haw sad and lamentable is it! There is time for sports but there is no time for moral training. It is imperative that for your children you appoint a time daily for moral training. Just as you have fixed times in the daily programme for various activities, so too, have a time for your child to go daily to a Musjid or an Aalim where he can sit down and acquire Deeni guidance. If such a spiritual guide is not found in your town, then during the holiday season send him to a place where there is such a Buzrug. During the holiday season the child has nothing to do. The unfortunate child during the holiday season wanders around day and night, not even performing Salaat nor fasting. But the parents remain blissfully happy on account of themselves being regular with Salaat and Saum. However, they remain unaware that on the Day of Qiyaamah they will enter Jahannum along with their children since they were the actual cause of their offspring's deflection from Islam. These are the children of Muslims.....children who have been reared in the laps of Muslim ladies, but will be assigned to Jahannum. You are happy that you have made your child a B.A., a M.A. But, you have left them on the brink of Jahannum. The eyes have become so blind that the Road leading to Jannat is not visible.