Leadership Conference on Civil Rights Education Fund - 1995
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IntroductionThis booklet is intended to help parents and children talk together about diversity, as well as racism and other kinds of bigotry. It offers some guideshow_example.cfm?es for discussion about these difficult issues. It includes some concrete examples of children's questions and concerns and, as a starting point, some suggestions for answering them. It is especially for parents whose children are between five and eight years old, but it should be helpful for anyone concerned about helping children become open-minded adults.
"There is no escape from the racial conflicts with which children must cope...avoiding the problem isn't helpful. Too much parental protection from life's realities may hamper a child's later ability to cope with life as it is."
Alvin Poussaint, M.D., What Parents of All Races Should Do to Raise Their Children Free of Prejudice and Free to be Themselves, Parents Magazine
"Sean's family is so weird," a six-year-old announces. "His mom is black and his dad is white. Isn't that weird?"
"Alan says that Christians are best," confides a seven-year-old. "How come they're better than us?"
As parents, we may wish we never had to face such questions. It is almost certain that we will.
Searching for AnswersSegregated lunch counters, movie theaters, water fountains, and restrooms are no longer a part of the American landscape. Discrimination in employment, housing, education, and public facilities is now illegal. Americans worked long and hard to right these wrongs. As a nation we can be justly proud of our accomplishments. However, prejudice and bigotry of all kinds still flourish in America.
Try this experiment. The next time you visit your child's school, look at the children, teachers, and parents around you. Does everyone look pretty much like you? Who are your friends and neighbors? Do most of them look like you too? Some of us are fortunate enough to enrich our lives by close association with people from a wide range of races and cultures, but most of us still live lives of racial and ethnic isolation. We do not talk much about important things to people who are different from us. Our distance and silence feed the misunderstanding, fear, and hostility that keep bigotry alive.
What Can I Do?As parents, we may look to teachers, politicians, or religious leaders to eliminate racism. They certainly can make great contributions toward a just society, but we also have a vitally important contribution to make. We can talk openly with our children about race, ethnicity, religion, and bigotry. We can answer their questions about these complicated topics, and we can begin a dialogue that will continue throughout their lives. The quality of our children's future is at stake. In the 21st century, the ability to communicate and work with people from different racial and ethnic groups will be as essential as computer skills. The United States is already one of the most diverse societies in the world. Our children will inherit an even more diverse society. We need to help them learn to live and work closely with people whose race, religion, or culture may be different from their own.
By speaking openly about similarities and differences between people, we can raise children whose lives are not constricted by fear. By joining with them to recognize and talk about discrimination, we will help our children become adults who work to end it. By encouraging our children to reach across racial and ethnic lines, we will enable them to lead richer, fuller lives and to recognize the humanity of all people. but I'm not prejudiced
"I'm not prejudiced. I treat all people with respect and dignity, and I expect my children to do the same. Why do I have to do more?"
"Since kids are naturally prejudice-free, won't talking about it just make things worse?"
but I'm not prejudiced....
Unfortunately, it is not enough to set a good example. Nor can we shield children from bigotry. A society that continues to discriminate against racial and ethnic groups nurtures prejudice in each new generation.
If we avoid these subjects with our children, we actually run the risk of strengthening prejudices we want them to reject. Children are barraged by images and ideas we don't control-on the playground, on television, and in school. However free from prejudice we may be, our children, even very young children, can absorb the biases they encounter outside of our homes.
Talking with Children Openly and Honestly - An Ongoing ProcessExperiences we have (or don't have) as children shape our attitudes and feeshow_example.cfm?gs as adults. During childhood, our attitudes are molded directly and indirectly by the race, ethnicity, and status of the people around us (i.e. teachers and classmates, parents, colleagues and friends, salesclerks, doctors, nurses, waiters, house cleaners, construction workers, the unemployed, the homeless, etc.). By age twelve we have a complete set of stereotypes about every ethnic, racial, and religious group in our society.
We can choose to actively influence our children's attitudes. With our encouragement children will test and think through their beliefs about race, ethnicity, and religion. They are unlikely to ask the necessary hard questions without our help. It is up to us to take the initiative!
Children care about justice, respect, and fairness. Squabbles about sharing, concerns about cliques, and problems with playmates-the daily trials of childhood-reflect their active interest in these social issues. So do the questions children ask, when they feel safe enough to ask them.
One important gift we can give our children is to create a family in which difficult issues like racism are openly discussed. By talking openly and listening without censure, we can learn about our children's concerns and help them find connections between larger social issues and their own life experiences.
To read more on this please click on this link: http://www.civilrights.org/publications/reports/talking_to_our_children/