The fifth commandment reminds us to honour our parents. This important placement is a reminder of our parent’s love and commitment to us, which we should return. Its placement also is a reminder that together with God, our father and our mother are our creators. The tradition teaches that we owe the same respect to our parents that we owe to the divine. Indeed, in a more formal age it was traditional to rise in the presence of one’s parents.
This respect and love transcends even death, as our parents live in our genes, and our home background, and most importantly in our memories. It is for this reason that the Jewish tradition has enshrined many rituals that allow and encourage us to remember our parent’s and indeed other loved ones throughout our lives. These begin right after a loss and continue as the years go by.
It is traditional to mourn a parent (through the recitation of the kaddish prayer) for 11 months following a loss. This long period of allows for us to deal with tragedy and to remember that our friends and the broader Jewish community are there. It is a reminder we are part of something greater then ourselves – a community, which can provide us with solace and support.
In the years following a loss, our tradition also provides times, which encourage us to remember from whence we come. Each year, the yahrzeit (the anniversary of a loss) is a time for memories both happy and sad, both good and bad. During this time it is traditional to light a 24-hour candle, and to recite the kaddish at synagogue services. Again, we come together for communal support. The yahrtzeit is also a time to share stories and memories. It is through these that we keep our loved ones alive, and pass on their values to future generations.
Our tradition also enshrines memory during four important holidays during the year – Pesach, Shavuot, Rosh Hashanah and Sukkot. During each of these festivals special Yizkor (memorial) prayers are recited. Yizkor is a time for the whole community to come together. We offer support to others, as they in turn offer support to us. While it is customary to leave the sanctuary if one’s parents still live, I believe that everyone should stay and offer the prayers. There are many, including the victims of the Holocaust, who have no one to pray and remember them. We can provide this service and support, in the hope that such horrors never happen again to anyone, anywhere.
All of these are important times. They connect us with the past, and allow us to share all that we have received with future generations.
Here in the Jewish Community of Japan, all these opportunities for memory are available to our congregation. Indeed, at the time of the yearly Yahrzeit we have added a new tradition. Now, in addition to reciting the kaddish, we are encouraging congregants who feel up to it to talk about their loved ones. In this way we can share the memories and the values as we offer support and solace.
Let us honour our parents in life and in memory so that we can ensure that their values are passed from generation to generation.