This past weekend I had the pleasure of hosting a Creating Boundaries workshop. Why is creating boundaries important? 90% of the distress, extreme stress and feelings of overwhelm we have can be traced back to unhealthy boundaries. What are boundaries? They are imaginary limits that you use to protect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
There’s a difference between boundaries and defenses. Defenses are used to push people away or keep them at arms length. Boundaries on the other hand are there to protect you. For example a defense might be pushing your spouse away when they go to hug you because you are mad at them. A boundary however would be telling them “I don’t want to be intimate with you until we talk this out.” Your not try to push them away but you are protecting yourself emotionally by saying you need to talk.
There are three kinds of boundaries: Physical, energetic, and spiritual. Physical boundaries are all about protecting you physical body. For example: Telling a stranger who places their hand on your lower back “Please don’t touch me like that. We are not that close.”. Energetic boundaries are all the things that are not physical. For example: Telling your friend that you don’t want them sharing your personal business with other people. Spiritual boundaries are all around your belief system or lack there of. For example: A co worker asks you to go to church with them and you state “No thank you. I don’t attend church” but next week they ask you again.
creating boundaries for your life
1) Identify areas of your life that you are experiencing discomfort, extreme stress or feelings of overwhelm.
2) What is causing you to feel that way?
3) In those areas where are your boundaries being violated?
4) What do your boundaries need to be?
5) Do NOT allow others to continuously violate your boundaries.
Boundary errors occur when someone crosses your boundary accidentally or out of ignorance. A boundary violation occurs when someone disregards a boundary after they have been educated on it. If someone continuously violates your boundaries it’s unlikely they will stop. The first step in a boundary error/violation is to educate the person on your boundary, the second step is to create some kind of consequence for them, and the third step is if it continues you need to create space between you and the other person.
You have every right to create boundaries with other people. No one, even your significant other, has the right to violate your boundaries. By setting boundaries with other people you are also giving them permission to set boundaries with you. If someone cannot respect your boundaries it is time to let them go in order to protect your physical, mentally, and emotional health.
If you would like more support around creating boundaries as well as other things in your life schedule a free 30 minute connection call with me to see how I can help. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!