Realized I havent let myself process what happened.It will take time; don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist. Just know that you did everything right. Thank you.I just wanted to thank you for doing CPR on this guy. You did a good job, it's so important that people try to resuscitate a patient in this situation. Sometimes it wont work depending on the underlying disease. But that's not your fault. You guys did the right thing!
I go to therapy once a week for a different reason, but the one thing that helps with closure with traumatic instances is EMDR. Its like what op said, but instead of writing the event out, you work with a therapist and say the event until you feel safer. I always hold these things in my hand, as we go through the event little by little, hell ask me one to ten how do I feel (about what I just talked about) and tell me to just focus on that and well do a set. The thing in my hand (dont know what its called) will start vibrating in my hands (think like hand held massagers that were popular in the 90s ish. Its not big, but it buzzes and vibrates in your hand. Does that make sense?) Its so soothing, and I always feel like I am slightly floating and turning. Absolutely not in a way you would high. Then he would stop and ask what I notice now? I would explain the next part and repeat. When we had to stop for the day (or week, depending how often you went) he would ask 1-10 how I was feeling, do a set and I would gently open my eyes. We would do this until I felt comfortable enough to feel like the incident was more safe in my mind.ETA: I forgot to mention, in the beginning of the session, he would show me a list of emotions and ask which one could best describe my feelings of the event at that moment. Then ask 1-10 of my emotion. We would then do a set before he asked me what I noticed from the event.Every appointment, he would ask if I felt like processing that session. Sometimes you need a break, and thats okay. You still have someone to share anything you feel comfortable sharing who is a third party. He also started the processesing session showing me emotions, asking how I felt 1-10 and I could share starting with the beginning from last session, or where I left off. The whole point is to talk about the event on your terms and process how you need to.