Sounds like lucid dreams. I dont want to Monday morning quarterback your doctors but thats a dizzying (literally) array of psychoactive medications you have all mixing together that probably played some role too.
Height: 1.8m (5' 11")Weight: 64kg (141lbs)Race: CaucasianLocation: Seattle, WA, USA (German born, Berlin)Vices: occasional vaping with very weak nicotine content, no drinking, no illicit drugs, chronic pain patient (fentanyl patches, 50 microgram)Current physical conditions: pituitary macroadenoma, adrenal cortext carcinoma, and a ton of implants and artificial bones. I cannot afford treatment for either and my insurance, medicaid, will not pay for removal of either or even treatments since my treatment is HCG, which comes from only fertility clinic pharmacies, and medicaid doesn't cover and fertility treatments for menCurrent mental health conditions: PTSD, bipolar, BPD, ADHD, generalized anxiety, and recently depression. All are treated quite effectivelyMedications (total daily doses): 50microgram fentanyl patches, 6mg prazosin, 12mg tizanadine, 7.5mg mirtazipine, 2700mg gabapentin, 2mg clonidine, up to 150mg hydroxyzine, 80mg Latuda, 200mg Lamotrigine, 40mg viibryd, 10mg melatonin, 8mg ondansetronEmergency Usage Only Medications: Hospital only: 100mg dex, 20mg morphine, 4mg lorazepam all IV for cluster headaches; Personal use: 50mg IM dex for cluster headaches, epi-pen for food allergiesWARNING: This will be long. I deeply apologise, but I feel like I need to be very specific and include context to get an accurate answer, if one even exists.----------------------------------------------CONTEXT:I want to start this off by saying I don't particularly believe in homeopathy, certain Eastern medicine, religion (I'm agnostic, borderline atheist), or the paranormal. I do many things for work, taking whatever pays me, but I have spent the majority of my career as a data architect in medical research. I believe in what can be proven, but I also acknowledge we can't prove absolutely everything to be true or false and that the sciences are ever changing and ever growing. I would also note that my life have been a very challenging one and I seem to have the single worst luck of anyone I've ever personally met. I've been very stressed and it has gotten significantly worse of late, though I've been told that I'm handling it quite well. Of course, I also acknowledge that there's plenty of people who've lived much worse lives. I'm not trying to play the victim or be arrogant.----------------------------------------------IMPORTANT LEAD IN:I went to bed last night around 23:00. I woke up an hour or so later to the sounds of small booms outside the front of my house. I initially thought I'd imagined it, but I rolled over and say all 3 of my cats with their faces pressed against the window screen, ears perked up. The sounds actually happened. A few moments later, I heard out smartlock on the front door unlock followed by the door opening and closing. Aside from internal doors, the front door is the only "normal" door to the house. the others are sliding doors that were all locked and barred and sound completely different when opened and closed. My roommate was asleep in his room and had been for hours. Nobody else lives here. Once again, I thought I imagined it, but the cats had all left my room and run downstairs to the door, which is what they do when someone comes over or gets home from work, errands, or whatever. I then head a set of male and female voices coming from downstairs. I grabbed a replica Master Sword (from The Legend of Zelda game series my roommate gave me a few years back) and went to my roommate. I tried to wake him up repeatedly, but he just mumbled something inaudible and rolled away over and over. So I went downstairs quietly. I spent 15-20 minutes walking around the house, following the voices, but never found anything. One of my cats, Needles, kept running off towards the voices then coming back to yell at me to follow him to them, which is what he does whenever someone comes home and I don't instantly go see them, but I never could find them. He's an utter attention whore. After that, I gave up and went back upstairs. Within 5 minutes I heard the door open and close again and the voices stopped. I don't have the greatest hearing in the world and never got close enough to make out what they were saying. I checked my Nest doorbell camera and at no point did anyone walk past the door. It is always recording and saved online for 5 days and, with the way it's positioned, it couldn't possibly fail to see someone come in or leave. I checked my smart lock app to see how it was unlocked and it said it was unlocked using a key by a user named "error". To clarify, the account's username that opened it was not literally "error", but rather that the app produced an error trying to identify the user. There are no physical keys to our house. It's entirely electronic and only myself and my roommate have the access codes.I have no explanation for what happened. I was wide awake for it all. The cats saw it. My smartlock confirms it. It definitely happened.----------------------------------------------THE REAL ISSUE:After that all happened I went back to sleep. It generally takes me hours to fall asleep, however that's not what happened last night. I always fall asleep with the TV on for noise, but turned down. South Park is what I had on last night and throughout the course of the night, I could clearly identify the voices and episodes as they came and went, even during the "dreams" I'm about to talk about, but NOT during the dream at the end of my story. That's a VERY important thing to note. After maybe 30 minute I felt like I was asleep, but I wasn't. I could feel my sheets, feel my head and arms on the pillow, move around, and feel my cat against my leg. That said, I started "dreaming" as if I was asleep. I'd note now that I've only ever had 1 lucid dream before and it was right after my long-term secret fiance had left me. It was stressful cause I simply came home to an empty house one day. I hadn't heard a word from him all day and all that was left was a quit-claim, signed and notarized, leaving the house entirely to me and taking his name off it and a hand-written note saying "I'll always love you. I'm sorry". Never heard from him again. He was my world even though he wouldn't allow anyone to know we were together cause he desperately wanted to be "straight". I cried myself to sleep for quite literally years, though over time it became a silent cry. I've been told the stress caused the lucid dream. I have countless wonderful stories about him, but he did give me me a strong case of PTSD, which I already had to deal with from an extremely abusive father.Back to the story now. During this "dream" I found myself on a cement platform in a park with a table and two chairs in front of me, underneath a pavilion. There were lots of oak trees, azaleas, and camellias, like a park would look like where I grew up in New Orleans. A cup of my favourite tea was waiting for me. An middle-to-late aged woman was sitting at the table in a white pants-suit. She had blue eyes and gray hair. She introduced herself as "death" and asked me to sit and chat with her for a while. She discussed my life with me and asked me many questions. She knew things about me that I didn't even realize myself. My memory of it is hazy, however. The "dream" lasted 30-45 minutes. During the "dream" I was able to freely move my "sleeping" physical body. Movement would cause a strange type of interference with the dream that I cannot really describe, but as soon as I stopped moving it went back to being incredibly vivid. At one point I sat up entirely, walked to my desk, and scooped up one of my other cats, and brought him back to bed and wrapped my arms around him. I felt entirely real. I had fully control over my body and words through the entire "dream". At some point in the dream she asked me to stop moving around cause it made her "presence" more difficult and she insisted I trust her that it was real. Over the next 7 hours I had 7 more nearly identical "dreams". Each dream was roughly the same, but the scenery and other person changed. Each "person" I talked to presented themselves as some kind of aspect of life. The ones I remember were: Death, Joy, Lust, Love, Pain, and Plague. I'm struggling to recalled specifics about the conversations, but they all insisted it was real and that I was safe. Each discussion was different and revolved around the aspect of life they claimed to be.I woke up completely after that and was confused, scared, and for some reason, relieved. It felt like everything was going to be ok. I've only experienced that feeling one other time. In December 2016, I was run over, intentionally, by a woman in an SUV while I was crossing the road on my motorcycle. She ran her light with the goal of killing me cause she was enraged by the pride flag sticker on the back of my motorcycle. It's a long story that I've shared many times, but this is already long so I'll skip most of it. The force of the impact sent me flying 30 feet and I slammed into an oak tree and the majority of my body was either broken of entirely shattered and I damn well knew it. In relatively short order, I grew cold from my chest and it spread throughout my body and I knew what was happening. I was about to die. I suddenly felt this massive calming wave overtake me and felt like nothing could ever be wrong and everything is ok. I blacked out shortly later and when I woke up again, I was looking at EMTs and a nurse who'd been attempting to revive me. I had been dead for around 5 minutes and had been kept alive by the person who was driving behind me and just so happened to be an ER nurse heading to work at the hospital less than a mile away.Back to the story again, I was awake for around an hour after all those experiences and ended up falling back asleep. This time, however, I had a regular dream, technically a nightmare, which is normal for me. I suffer from night terrors that are truly horrible and take 6mg of prazosin at night to prevent them. I still get them from time to time, but the overwhelming majority of my dreams are standard issue nightmares. I rarely have any positive dreams.As a reminder, I'd mentioned earlier that I had South Park on throughout the night. During the bizarre "dreams", I could hear the voices and episode as they came and went and even laughed at a particularly funny scene and told the "aspect" I was currently talking to about it when it happened. In my last dream of the night, the standard-issue nightmare, I could NOT hear the TV, could NOT control my body, and was completely asleep. I'm not sure what that means overall, but I feel like it's a VERY important detail.----------------------------------------------THE QUESTION:Quite simply, what in the absolute hell happened to me last night?! I don't know what to make of any of it. As I said, I'm not spiritual or religious in any way, but this is causing extreme level of conflict and concern within me. Furthermore, I've been around a lot of dying people, I live with a doctor and dated him for the last 6 years (we broke up a few months back, but still live together), I've dated other doctors, I spend a ton of time at doc appointments and in hospitals, and I myself work as a data architect in medical research most of the time. I'm very aware that when people are nearing the end of their lives, most (60%, if I remember right) will hallucinate loved ones, angels, or even demons, and have long conversations with them over and over. In my experience, and to best of my knowledge, this usually happens within a few days preceding their death, but can happen as far as a few months in advance. Is that what I just experienced? I certainly have serious conditions, but I'm otherwise perfectly healthy. Other than my migraines, cluster headaches, and chronic pain I feel perfectly fine. I've had the migraines and clusters since I was a kid and the chronic pain since I was run over and nearly murdered. Nothing new has come up. I have been much more depressed and anxious about life lately as I've had awful dating experiences, am struggling horribly to land a new job, and the end of my lease is coming up soon and I will have nowhere to live, but I feel like I'm handling it well.I'm exceptionally worried about what happened last night. I want to see a doctor about it, but I have absolutely no clue who I'd go to. I know there's "doctors" who study dream analysis, but I talked to my ex about it, the doctor I live with, and we both feel like that's psuedo-science and doesn't carry any real validity. Because I'm currently laid off, aren't receiving unemployment, and am only earning money by doing freelance and contract work, I have to use medicaid for insurance. There's no available therapists or psychiatrists I can go to cause I can't afford their cash rates and the ones who accept medicaid are seriously booked up and have multi-year long wait lists. I'm on all of the wait lists, but I'm definitely not gonna hear back anytime soon. I can't afford cancer treatments either and medicaid won't pay for them.My mother insists all of it was a dream and I didn't wake up at any point through all of this. That's 100% false. I damn well know when I was awake and what I experienced. I have proof from the cats seeing and hearing what I did and the history on my door lock. I talked to a friend studying psych and he suggested I could be schizophrenic, but he's not a doctor or even a therapist and I was diagnosed as schizo year ago and treated for it, which worked, but when I moved to WA and found a much better psychiatrist, she vehemently disagreed, changed me to my current diagnosis and changed my medications which work far better, so I'm inclined to believe she was right. My psychiatrist in Louisiana was not on good terms with the board and was wildly aggressive with diagnosis and treatment for all her patients. Her results were remarkable, but her methods were HIGHLY questionable and she was quick to prescribe controlled meds. She had me on lorazepam and adderall while I was also on 50mg of Percoset daily from my neurologist. I absolutely never had any problems, complications, or side effects because of this and it was actually extremely helpful in helping me hold down a job and be a functional adult, but it's generally not appropriate to do. I desperately need my ADHD treated to hold down a job, but the state of WA will not allow you to be on more than 1 controlled medication at a time. I understand, but it makes life extremely difficult for me and I think it's completely unfair to make me choose between living in intense pain or being able to focus for more than 5 minutes at a time. Writing this post has taken me over 3 hours cause I keep walking away and doing other things.Anyway, any advice would be amazing. thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the length.TL;DRHad a series of "dreams" last night that didn't work like any dream I've ever had where I could freely move my physical body, which upset the "people" I was talking to in the "dreams". During the series of "dreams" I met personified aspects of life itself, like love, death, regret, plague, etc that held conversations with me about my life. A while after the series of "dreams" ended, I ended up going back to sleep and having a normal nightmare where I couldn't control my sleeping, physical body and things were normal. Now I'm wondering if that's my version of dying people hallucinating loved ones and I don't know what to do or what kind of doctor to see about it.That said, please, PLEASE read the full post. There's way more to this and the TLDR makes me sound like a lunatic. I spend a lot of time carefully writing it up and explaining everything, like the insanely critical context the TLDR is missing, please read it.