I don’t hold others to the same – low – standard that I hold myself to. Is it strange, to think of myself as a mother, and being utterly disappointed to have a daughter do some things I did? I was 14 when I lost my virginity to E1. Which was bad enough, especially looking back and regretting it. I never wanted to, I never thought of it or planned it, but I was in a very sexual situation that – by keeping my mouth shut and not saying no – simply led to it. What I hate the most is where, I mean.. I was outside. At the very end of November. I live in Massachusetts, it’s really cold. And I was standing up against a brick apartment building under the deck of an apartment on the second floor. How romantic. Worst of all, he was 19. It’s not a big age difference. But oh my gosh thinking of this objectively makes me think that he was a creep. Which I know he wasn’t, I mean.. This was age 14, we didn’t break up (for the final time) until age 16. And the lack of consistent sex makes me think that wasn’t the only reason he was with me – or at least I hope so. Giggles. But anyways. I didn’t have sex with anyone else until more than a year later, when we broke up the first time. This was E2 … Stupid. I thought of E1 the whole time, I was still (unknowingly) in love with him. But whatever. I dated him for a tad, wanting to get back with E1, and unknowingly competing with JTS – who had finally “lost” her virginity to a 30 year old guy and managed to have sex with him and his nephew the same day, earning the nickname from my angry self back then. But after we got together and broke up again a couple more times, I hooked up with a guy I talked to for awhile before me and E1 got together – once and done. After all this, seeing the strange recurring pattern of never actually enjoying sex with guys, and 2 failed attempts with my – now – best friend, I decided to just stop. But despite a nice discovery and loving someone I could never truly be with, I would wish nothing but something different for a little girl that – I can never know if – ill have to love and hold.
For my daughter,
I will never know you, because I write to a ghost that I’ve conceived in my mind. I will never hold you or touch you, because you are not who I think you are. And I will never feel you flutter and move against my most intimate innards, stretching through the darkness of my womb. Because I will never carry you inside of me. But I love you, I want nothing but good for you. You are everything that’s good, you are beauty and sunshine and kittens and childish giggles. I hope your innocence last through to ages that extend past my own. I hope you hold this love to your chest and let it warm your bones when the cold of Earth seeps in and makes you feel all alone. Never forget. Always remember.


There is no holding back on this one - Sex and Relationship Professor, Dr Tara talks to us about how woman can take control of their sex lives.
Leesh and Janelle get honest about their sex lives, whilst Dr Tara gives actionable tips that everyone can easily implement to help improve your very own sex lives & relationships.
Find our guest Dr Tara
Website >> www.luvbites.co
Insta >> www.instagram.com/luvbites.co
Podcast >> Luvbites Podcast
Website >> www.janellebridge.com.au
Insta >> www.instagram.com/janellebridge
Insta >> www.instagram.com/unleeshd_you
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to the permission givers podcast with Janelle and Alicia. Alicia is a soul coach who helps women come back to self to discover who they truly are and what they're here to do. Janelle that's me is a spiritual mentor and psychic medium who focuses on empowerment, spiritual growth, and finding
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Purpose. We are are a women's empowerment podcast here to give your permission to choose yourself so you can unlock and live the life of your dreams. Let's go
Today. We welcome Dr. Tara to the show. Dr. Tara is a sex and relationship professor and the host of love by its podcast. She helps couples communicate properly to have better sex, and is here to talk to us about taking responsibility for your own sex life. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining us. Welcome.
Dr Tara (00:49):
You so much. Thank you so much for having me, ladies.
Thank you for being here. Super excited.
So we thought we'd maybe start with your story if that's okay. If you'd like to tell us why do you do the work that you do and why is it important to you?
Dr Tara (01:02):
Wow. Okay. I love that question, but it's always like, Hmm. My life story. Okay. So like millions of people, I was never fully satisfied with my sex life and it took a while to get here and I'm, I'm in my thirties. I grew up in Thailand in a sexually conservative environment. Like many of us did you grow up in a sexually conservative environment?
Not so much, but it wasn't really talked about in our household.
Dr Tara (01:33):
There was a lot of shame around it, but it didn't mean we didn't see it. So I think to me it was quite traumatic to be honest, it was like I had a yeah. Very dark, good relationship to sex.
Dr Tara (01:45):
Yeah. I like personally, I wouldn't say I had a dark relationship with sex or experience when I was younger, but definitely none at all. And like a lot of people, we did not have sex ed. My parents never talked about sex, but I know I was always curious. I remember remember trying to download porn with like our dialup internet and it was scary. I didn't want my parents to catch me and ever since teenage Tara, I was a serial monogamous. And, but I was, I would say I was never truly happy being in those relationships fast forward to my time in the PhD program, which was four years, I studied communication in relationships with really inspiring professors and also bought my first with a help of a friend in my cohort. And during this time my roommate and I who's my bestie, we were watching a lot of sex in the city.
Dr Tara (02:42):
She's trying to teach me like American culture. And we were watching a lot of sex in the city. And I remember vividly feeling very inspired by Samantha Jones and her sexually unapologetic attitude. And I figured like, how can I become more like that? And almost six years ago, I started my job as a relational and sexual communication professor at Cal state university Fulton and simultaneously embarking on this personal journey to become more sexually awakened. And from my research and teaching I learned that millions of people lack confidence and communication skills, which are really the key to a happy sex life. So I started my coaching business two years ago focusing on getting clarity in relationships, but also communi sexual desires and expectations. And then last year I launched my love bites by Dr. Tarara podcast that focused on sexual wellness and mindful relationship advice, and also gave my first Ted talk. Last year I
Watched it. It's amazing. Thank you so much for joining us. I did watch your Ted talk. I'm like, oh, gold. I, and it's funny. Thank you so much. It's funny that you mentioned Samantha Jones because you know, when we first connected, I was like, oh, that is your energy. Like, that is the energy that you have. So you have embodied that.
Dr Tara (04:11):
I'm trying. Yes, I am trying, I would see, I would say Samantha Jones and Esther who is like a famous psychotherapist of our time. Yeah. They're, they're like my role models and I'm like a merge of that. Like a, a naughty, a naughtier, Esther.
I love it. And these conversations need to be had, you know, as we've just discussed earlier, these conversations need to need to be discussed and, and we need to have them. And that's what we're here to do is give permiss. So I love that one of your core focuses is on communication and, you know, talking about the right questions to ask in a relationship or the right things to bring it up. Would you like to go into that into a little bit more detail? What should we be talking about?
Dr Tara (04:54):
Oh yeah. I would love that. That's one of my favorite conversations. Yeah. That I teach to also like my friends and, you know, my, my family. So talking about sex is necessary for long term sexual satisfaction. And I talk about that study based on 5,000 participants, much more in depth in my Ted talk. But the conclusion is it is necessary to have communication in your relationship or else there's no happy sex life in the long run, just not possible. So knowing and accepting that communication is necessary is the first step first step in shifting your mindset. Problem is a lot of people don't think sex is something you have to talk about. It's something that you just naturally do. Something that you should just naturally know how to do. And it should go really well when you love someone and it should go really well if we're meant to be together. Right. This is a kind of how romanticism failed us. Yeah. Did you grow up watching? Like romantic comedy movies? Yes.
Yeah. That's where everything's perfect.
Dr Tara (06:09):
Yeah. No need to talk. Really? No
Need to talk. Absolutely. No need to talk.
Dr Tara (06:13):
Yeah. We like lock eyes and it's immediately like, oh, just love is flowing. Sex is amazing. It's passionate. But then it ends right. The movie ends.
I I went through a stage of reading, like romance, novels, like so trashy, but I loved them. I recognized only like 20. And my husband was like, can you not? Cuz you're like, cause, and it wasn't even sexually, maybe a little bit, but just as to how they treat their partners in general. And it's just, and I was like, why aren't you like this? He actually was like, I'm gonna ban these books in our house. I was like, good luck, good luck banning anything for me. But I remember it was just setting up these ridiculous expectations as to what a relationship should look like.
Dr Tara (06:55):
I highly highly understand. Yep.
Dr Tara (06:59):
Yeah. That's the problem is our media books shows, movies, all of 'em. They don't help us have healthy relationships. Yeah.
Dr Tara (07:11):
So one of the, one of the stigma when it comes to sex is if you talk about it, you have a problem. Mm yeah. Right. If you say, Hey, can we talk about sex? Oh, what's the problem. Mm.
Dr Tara (07:24):
Immediately, if you, and I've seen this in so many of my clients is the first thing that I recommend is you should talk about this. And the first thing my client would say is I can bring it up. As soon as I say, Hey, can we talk about sex? My partner goes was wrong. Nothing's wrong having, we're having a conversation, just like what you do today. Right. Did you come last night? What else can I do to pleasure you? Like, you know, what are what do you think? How many times do you wanna have sex a week a month? Like make it, so that it's a part of your relationship culture. Yes. So my advice would be for people that are in early dating and early is subjective. Some people feel like it's up to one year. Some people feel like it's up to two years.
Dr Tara (08:13):
It just depends on which coach you're talking to, which researcher you're talking to. Some people it's like first three months. Right. Just depends. So let's say you feel like you're in quote unquote, early dating. You should start talking about sex more, anything at all. Even just maybe watching a movie, like what did you think about that scene, right? Or maybe you are seeing a, like 50 of gray poster and like, do you ever wanna try that? Right. So that kind of just having any laid back conversation about sex is good, because then it's a part of your culture. A part of your relationship culture is it's okay to bring up sex. And that's really good priming in any relationship, really? In the first one to two years, you should really be talking about sex as in like it's a normal thing. Sex is normal. So what are some specific questions to bring up? Yes.
Dr Tara (09:11):
We all enter relationships. Even if we say we, well, I'm not gonna expect anything. I'm not gonna expect anything. We expect something we're humans, it's natural to have expectations. And the problem, most problems arise when there is mismatch of two peoples or more expectations. Right? What if I expect sex twice a week? And my partner expects sex five times a week. And what if my partner feels like sex two times a week means I'm not very attracted to him. Right. All of these expectations without verbalizing can be detrimental people assume so many things like, can you remember when you were younger? Like what were some of the things you assumed in a relationship like? I wonder,
Oh yeah. And it's still the same now. So my husband and I have been together for 20 years. We've been together since, yeah. Since babies and
Dr Tara (10:15):
And even now, just as you were saying, then we have a child who does not sleep. So my child's 10 and he really struggles to fall asleep. So it's midnight each night before he falls asleep. So that's, that's taxing cuz he also can't go to mainstream school. So that's taxing on time to have sex, but you know, my husband went out the other day and he, he, they played like paintball, so he was exhausted and he came home, we got our child to sleep by 10 o'clock and he was just too tired. And I was like, same thing story in my head. I'm not attractive anymore. He's like, don't be ridiculous. Like I've broken my back. Like I can't move. And I was like,
You know, but communication helped us just go. Yeah. It's not a thing right now. Whereas previously in the past that would become a big for the both of us as well. So for both of us, you know, when two babies, two years apart, you know, and he'd be like, do you still find me attractive? I'm like, yeah, I'm just exhausted. You know, I just don't have capacity at the end of every day. And that same thing, that same kind of expectations as to when do you want it us as, when do I have on it? And for me, I was like, when I'm not dying of, I don't have a baby on my boob, 24 7, I'm happy to up the ante, you know, but right now I can't have sex with you every night, you know? But that was obviously his way of looking for connection and looking for I'm still important to you, you know, we've been together 10 years and now the sudden there's babies here that take your attention off me. So yeah. Both ways stories in both of our hands. Yeah.
Dr Tara (11:39):
I love that. And what you just said is, is very on point. Most for most people sex isn't about sex sex is about, do you still want me?
Dr Tara (11:48):
And that's a very powerful feeling in a relationship whenever you feel like you're lacking that the relationship is it's, it's an downhill.
Well, I find it's that instant pull away cuz you start to protect your feelings a little bit too, is what I find with us. Yeah. The, the minute that we're not having regular sex, it's kind of like, I like you less. Yeah. You and it's not about the sex. Yeah.
Dr Tara (12:14):
I like that. You said regular, right? That's one of the questions. What is regular.
Yeah. Right. It's
Dr Tara (12:20):
Different for everyone. Isn't that? Yeah. One of the questions is frequency. Yes. how many times a week do you feel like you would like to have sex? Right? How many times a week? What about you ladies? How many would you say like that would make you feel happy, fulfilled in your sex life?
Yeah. So 20 years down the track, I'm fine with every second day, Not happening at the moment. I'll be honest. You know, it, it has to be, we have to squeeze it in while we can because of my beautiful, beautiful child, but that's kind of my prime happiness. Give me a night just to like put on my gross pajamas and climb into bed and just be gross and cuddle me. And then yeah,
Dr Tara (13:01):
That, that's fine. That's a balance of both world for me, as
Dr Tara (13:04):
I say, what about you Alicia?
And I I rolled through so many different phases and I was in a marriage, my second relationship for 2019 years. And my reflection on my sex life then was feeling consistently chased because I had some limitations around feeling safe with sex. And so we, and it wasn't had nothing to do with him. It was just the stories in my head around sex stopped me from feeling sexual and stopped me from wanting to have sex. And so it felt like a chore. I think I, I cannot be honest about this speaking to him. And he knew that like this, he was part of this scenario. But consistently felt chased. Like I felt like even if I had sex every day with him, it was never gonna be enough, but that was potentially my limiting beliefs around what sex was and it was a job.
And then so I've been separated for six years. Then I went on a two year celibacy like it didn't wasn't forced or anything like that. I just chose. I chose that. I laid out that way and that was really beautiful. And I'll tell you, I potentially orgasmed every day, like every day on my own like so when I say celibacy, it was just like no physical intimacy with another human, but much, much, much more physical intimacy with my self and such a learning growth process. That was, I lit, I tapped into my emotions through sexual pleasure. So I would literally feel like I wasn't doing it right if I didn't hit that crying orgasm and it was, it was a beautiful, beautiful process. So two years of that and as I said daily, sometimes more than once a day.
Hell yeah. And then, and then I kind of feel like, I would say broke the drought after two years, which was about a year ago. And so I have been physically in Dominican again. And I feel I could probably go daily would be good for me. Physical intimacy daily, which is not the same woman that I was. So that's why I say I can see these phases that I've rolled through from becoming sexually active to who I am today. And I, I, I realized too that the reason I would be more comfortable with daily sex now is the phase I'm in. Like Janelle was saying, I don't have my youngest child is 17. So I don't have the pressures of a young family to raise. I've quite, you know, my, my life is quite free. And then I work for myself.
So I don't have the structure of having to be at some other businesses or companies back in call. I do, I, I structure my life around me and I would prioritize that now I believe I would pro because I have a healthier relationship with what sex is for me and for an intimate partner. Yeah, that's, I'd say where I'm at now. I think daily daily and I, it would be about, yeah. How I was feeling that day too. I, I, this expectation, which I know comes with an intimate relationship I feel like there's also gotta be some sort of flexibility around how someone's feeling in the moment. Like if, if you pre-planned, yeah, we need this every day, but also to understand that some they're just not feeling it and to be okay with that and to be okay with that. But there, there is, I guess it's a bargaining agreement when you come up with your expectations and say, can you meet this? Yes, I can. I can. But I'm human is, is where I'd be at,
I guess what just came up for me. There was in there early stages of dating. It's gonna be a lot different to 20 years down the track or 10 years down the track when life is so different, like so different. So it's a negotiable contract that we have to talk about all the time. Hey, like we have to reenter those negotiations and go, I'm struggling, let's chat. And I love what you've said so far about just, just making it normal to be like, Hey, can you, instead of, would you go, Hey, can you help me out with dinner? Like, can you call dinner a few more nights a week? Can you help me out with this? Can we chat about sex? It shouldn't be nerve
Taking the stigma away. Sure. The uncomfortability of having the conversation and like you were saying, because it's an evolution of the conversation. It's not like you have the conversation at start of your relationship and the is done right as your life phases change. And as your, the expectations of life around you change is so must sensation. And so I, I, I realize getting comfortable with the practice of communicating sex yeah. And about sex is gonna support the journey of, of that communication as your life changes.
Dr Tara (17:52):
Yeah. Oh, wow. I love both of your stories. I think they're beautiful. They definitely highlight, you know, growth communication and like re importantly agility relationship agility is a huge, you know, research topic in the sex and relationship research realm. And the best way couples can be together and be happy in a long run is when they have high agility, they can adapt. And they, they understand the different dynamics of different stressors of life, right? When you're together for 10, 20 years. There's so many things that happen to you as an individual and happen to you as a couple. And how do you come out of it? Strong that's the agility part. And for some people, their agility is so low that when there's one problem, it breaks, right. Wow. Or that they have never inserted communication practices into their relationship culture. Then when the, these problems arise, they just shove it and shove it and shove it in. And then, you know, five years later explode, and then there's no going back. I've I really appreciate you sharing about your previous relationship and how you were, you felt like you had to like give sex all the time and it wasn't something you wanted, you had to give it, you have to give it up. Right. And it felt like a chore millions, if not more, you like this right now,
I'm actually emotional right now because,
Cause what you're speaking about right now, I look back to 20 year old me that was in love with this man that I married for 20 years, adored him, worshiped him. And I just wish that someone had this conversation that we are having right now with me back then so that I could like start having conversations with him and then potentially like the ideals that we held around sex and what it was and what it meant and how important it was may have changed. I'm also this aware woman now that realizes that everything's always playing out how it's supposed to. So, but, but there's something emotional in me that, that looks back at that version of me 20 plus years ago. And thanks God, I wish there was more women out there having these conversations and so for that reason, I just wanna say, thank you, thank you for what you do. Right now it's hitting me really deeply how important the is. Thank you.
Dr Tara (20:34):
Thank you. Thanks for that. That makes me feel really good, warm and fuzzy inside. I I'm, I mean, I'm a true believer of communication solves most problems.
Dr Tara (20:46):
And it really does. Most of the problems that people come to me with, I can easily see that communication can easily solve that. But the communication part is so hard for them. It's not that they don't know it's it's not that it's not the problem. For example, right? Exhibit a many couples come to me, they have mismatched sexual desires. One wants a lot more sex than the other, what to do, right? This is a very common phenomenon, lots and lots of couples have this problem. And when probed deeper for most of these couples is not out sex. It's about them not communicating their expectations and why they're feeling the way they're feeling. A lot of times it's, it's the men not getting enough sex or they feel like they're not getting enough sex. And it's ultimately not about sex. It's ultimately about them feeling unwanted.
Dr Tara (21:49):
Yeah. That their female partner is no longer attracted to them that their partner no longer wants to be their wife or girlfriend, that they just care about being a mother. And they forget their partner. They now are 100%. Mom and wife is nowhere to be found. And they feel lonely. These men that come to me, they feel lonely. They don't hate their partner. They don't want like seven times, six a week. They want to feel wanted. They want to feel like their wife love them and want them and think they're attractive. Right? So they're just lonely in their relationship. Now on the other, the wives are also lonely. They're lonely for, because they feel like they have all these responsibilities. Plus they feel like a failure because they're not sexually fulfilling their husbands. Right? So that guilt, it builds guilt for one year guilt for two years, guilt for five years.
Dr Tara (22:52):
There's almost no coming back. Mm. Uafter many, many, many years of guilt, that's why when I do couples coaching, they always end up crying because they realize that it's not about the sex. It's, they're lonely and they have different expectations and they don't communicate. So it's, I mean, the solution is simple. Uso I do these exercises, right? I want the wife to communicate. What are some of the things you need help with that can make you feel like you have more space to breathe more space, to be your sexual self. What are some of the things that he can do that he can pick up that he can con contribute to the relationship? And I'm not just talking about chores. If you feel like he should be kissing you more, just out of the blue without expecting sex. Say that, say, I feel like every time you kiss me, you want penetrative sex.
Dr Tara (23:51):
Sometimes I get intimacy from just you kissing me. And I get the love from just you kissing me. Can you just kiss me out of the blue without expecting penetrative sex? Say that that's powerful. That solves a lot of problems, right? Like what are some of the things you want? You have to be able to say things like that in order to set different expectations. So for the husbands or for the men that come to me, I say, have you ever said that you feel unwanted, that you feel unattractive when your partner with checks sex from you? Have you said that or do you just say you never wanna have sex with me? They said, well, I mean, not really. Number one, there's a huge stigma for men showing their vulnerability and emotions. Right. They don't wanna say, I feel unwanted. They'd rather just deflect and say, it's your problem. You never wanna have sex with me. Billions of people have said this, you never wanna have sex with me. Right. What, how, how does this solve, solve a problem? This sentence has never in this universe time ever solved a problem. No,
It just makes me wanna hit back with, well, you never do the dishes, you know? So it just starts a battle. Doesn't it? Yeah,
Dr Tara (25:08):
Totally. It's so unproductive. Yes. It's unproductive. Blaming is unproductive. Using language is powerful. Right? I feel this right. Not necessarily your problem. I'm not saying you're the problem at all, but I'm feeling this. And I'm, I'm asking if you could help me reconcile with this feeling that I'm feeling. Right. So I feel unwanted. I feel very unattractive when you never want to have sex with me, can you help me understand what is going on? Right. And here's another problem. Another problem is the, typically the wife will go, nothing, just do more stuff around the house. Then, you know, then I'll have sex with you. Right. But this comes, this becomes a do something. Then I reward you. Sex becomes a reward to your husband. Who's like a dog waiting for a bone. Yeah. Rather than the women taking responsibility for arousal and desire.
Dr Tara (26:13):
And this, we talked about this. Pre-Show how it's powerful when women take responsibility for their own arousals and desires. And this includes communication, communicating for things that you would like to give you space to feel sexual. Can you do the dishes tonight while I go get ready? Right. or maybe communicate that a lot of these chores stress me out and stress is the corporate of sexual desires. If we could split 50 50, like from now on you know, I'll have time and space for myself to cultivate these sexual feelings for myself and for you. Right. So all of this is communication. Mm. All of this is communicating for what we can expect and what are, what is our goal, for example, right now you have two young children, right? Seems like you communicate really well already, but what are some of the things you voice out to honor your like sexual boundaries
Dr Tara (27:18):
Or like sexual prosperities? Like, what are some of the things that you have voiced out that you have that can help you feel more sexual?
I feel that just coming back to the communication, then I'll jump on that one. One of the things that stopped me from communicating that was fear of rejection. So after having babies, I didn't wanna say, I feel like you're not attracted to me because I felt that I was so scared that I was gonna get back. Yeah, I'm not. And then I would rather just be like, I'm like 80% sure that you're not, but like, there's a 20% chance that maybe you are. So I was in such fear and I feel that lots of women listening to this in the same kind of avatar as me would be feeling similar. So there was a fear of rejection behind my lack of communication in some things. But I guess now, like for me, it's yeah, just the sneaky. My husband came up beside me at the, at the petrol station and just gave me a hug and squeezed my arm something.
And I was like, thank you for touching me. And I laughed. So we'll make a joke out of it. Because last night he was too exhausted to touch me, you know? So things like that, it's like, thank you for showing me that you still like me. And so we are very silly in our communication and we joke a lot, which makes communication a lot easier. And so, yeah, so just saying like, I like it when you rub my arm or so for me, it's not even the sexual stuff in the lead up. It's the just gimme attention during the day, you know, just make me feel pretty, you know? Yeah. And my, one of my love languages is words of affirmation and my husband isn't about words. So he tries really hard to say things. And I'll say to him, he'll say it sometimes. And I say, thank you. And he says, I think it all the time, but I don't say it. And I'm like, but if it's in your head, I don't know. You need to tell me. So I ask for it. And for me, it's not even the sexual stuff. It's the, just the connection between the two of us in different ways. If that makes sense.
Dr Tara (29:01):
I consider all of that sexual stuff. Okay, cool.
Dr Tara (29:04):
Everything contribute you to your sexual vitality. Yes. Right? How do you feel good about yourself? How do you feel sexy and appealing? All of that contributes to your sexual vitality? That's like literally every woman that I have talked to wants attention
Dr Tara (29:23):
Proper, proper love and attention from that partner. Yeah. A lot of men were not trained to be good communicators. My partner included. So I trained him yes. To, I teach him how to treat me. I teach him how to communicate with me in ways that makes me and us happy. So same. I he's, he wasn't a words of affirmation person. So I teach him here are some of the things I love hearing from you. When you say this, I say like, oh, when I, when you say things like that, my tickles. Right.
I love that. My personal experience, like very recently, the last 24 hours was that I've been called out, acknowledging that I speak. Cuz I'm thinking I'm just not a words of affirmation person. But when I do share words, they're kind of like, I am I, you, I respect you. I honor you, but they're not connected to the physical visuals. So it's not like you are handsome. You are sexy. You and I was called out because this is what he'd said to me was you never do that. You never comment on my physical, it's all the other things. And I'm like, I thought I was doing it right. Mm. But then he says, no, like that is so important to him. Like, but, and then what I realized is because it's not the value that I held. And then, then I, I had this conversation last night.
I'm like, but then, okay. Then if that's, then why didn't you communicate that? And he said, I, I have actually communicated that. And I said, so then I also need to know how often do you need to hear that? Like, is it once a day if I told you you were sexy or that you were beautiful once a day, would that be enough? Or how many times? And I guess that's part of me already, like, was leaning into this type of conversation, which obviously like, as you were just saying, it is all connected to our sexual relationship. Because I, there, there maybe potentially be some level of comfortability in him. If he was hearing more often from me that I physically thought he was beautiful rather than like touching on all the other. I'm proud of you. I admire you. I'm respect you.
I, these other things that I thought were the only things that were important. And so I shared that, hoping that if there are listeners that you know, that there's not only one way to do things and that even if you are doing things right, feeling like you're doing things right, that there are other things that you can add to what you're doing to expand on that. And I mean, normally I'd be defensive in those type of conversations too. I would feel like it was an attack on what I did do because of what I wasn't doing. And so then they would turn into explosions. So as in the conversation would just go south rather than be productive. And yeah, that, that would be my ego getting up about. Okay. But what about all the things that I do do? What about all the things that I do comment on? And I, so I guess just that share for me would be around be open-minded to recognizing that it's not really when they're asking for that, that it's not about us and that's what they potentially need to feel seen to feel loved, to feel valued sexually. And that it's all connected. Yeah, that came up for me. I'm like, that was a conversation I had yesterday. Mm.
Dr Tara (32:52):
I love that that's beautiful and necessary. And I mean, thank God someone said something, right. Because this could be bottle of for two years and then bam, you never said I was handsome. Right. It, someone has to say something it is extremely crucial that you teach your partner how to treat you.
Oh. And that goes back to what we spoke about before, around the ideals of love from movies and books and RO romantic things as
Dr Tara (33:23):
Yeah. How come you don't just know how to treat me isn't that just normal. And that's the other thing too. Like the projection that was coming from him, it's like, cuz he's that way. He just expected me to be that way. And I'm like, well, I dunno what the block is, but there obviously isn't, it's not a value of mine to repeat comments on physical because of maybe something stories that I hold in my head around that. Right. I dunno exactly what it is. Maybe being called beautiful as a child and, and creating some sort of block around that didn't work well for me as a child. So I don't really like to do that. And then potentially, maybe other people won't like to hear that from me either, but that's my story and not his story. And so I, I guess it's getting curious, which is what this podcast is about. We are here to empower curiosity. And if you allow yourself to stay open to curiosity, particularly in these conversations and this communication with your partner. Yeah. That's one of the best advice we can get, stay curious
Dr Tara (34:25):
100%. So yeah. Like the questions can be anything from, you know, what does desire mean to you? What is a se an ideal long term sex life look like for you? What are your expected frequencies? What would make you feel sexually fulfilled? Anything else I can do for you that creates pleasure? What turns you on? What, what are some of the things that you yourself do that turn yourself on? What are some of the things that I can do to turn you on? What type of context I can create to help turn you on? So all of these are important questions that should be asked regardless of really where you are, are in a relationship. And I think one thing about sex that many people are kind of struggling right now, or it's coming up more and more in the modern times is, is fantasies and kink. A lot of people don't, they fear, fear, rejection. They don't wanna bring it up. They don't want the other person to think they're a, we, yeah. Like what if I say, I like feet, like my, you know, the person I'm dating for eight months is gonna leave me cuz they're gonna think I'm a freak. Right? Like how do you reduce that stigma? I always
Laugh when someone says that, cuz I I'm such a hippie, I never wear shoes. And I think, oh, if my husband likes feet wearing in trouble, guess they always gross.
Dr Tara (35:45):
He likes cleaning your feet with his mouth.
Yeah. We have to talk about it. Yeah.
Dr Tara (35:52):
Have to talk about it. Literally solves all things. And if you in, like if you make communication a part of your relationship, culture, anything comes you can solve. Yes. Right. Including realizing maybe you're not meant for each other and dis solving the relationship happily. Yeah. Right before I get that, the communication is just necessary. So I wanted to go into three quick tips. Sure. for sexual communication practices for all couples, the first one is praise your partner, more, anything at all? You are so good at stacking dishes, right? Your hair looks amazing today. Like, Ooh, have you been doing a lot of squats? Your butt looks good. My partner's swinging his butt right now.
Dr Tara (36:46):
Right. praise them more, something that's not related to a goal. Right? Not like, thank you for doing this. Like you, you should already do that. You should already appreciate your partner for doing things for you and for the relationship and for the family, but also just praise them as a person. They need to be an individual too, to feel sexy, to feel good. Yes. Right. How like praise them more. Praise your partner more number two. Talk about sex. More, anything about sex at all? Really? maybe a move movie about sex and be maybe porn, maybe you read a story about something, maybe a sexy, a new story about something. Just bring up sex so that sex is not taboo in your relationship. Yes. And of course talk about your sex lie with each other. Have a sexy check in is extremely necessary.
Dr Tara (37:37):
Ask your partner, how you a feeling about our sex life right now. How are you feeling about our sex life for the last three months? And if you're a person like me, I ask, how would you rate our sex life for the last three months? From one to 10. Right. and that it starts a conversation because if your partner says like, you know, to be honest, I feel like it was a seven. Then I ask like what, what need to happen for it to be closer to 10? Yep. Right. Yes. Yeah. And then lastly, lastly is non-verbal communication, which is very much communication as well showing them more love. So like maybe for you, or remember for you was, it was like just touching me outside of this like sexual context. Yes. Right? Yeah. Maybe you, maybe you guys are at this train station, like just cares my arm. Mm. Kiss my neck, like twirl my hair. Just touch me more. Right? Yep. Show more nonverbal affection. Yes. I think that's extremely important and that's kind of my quick tips. Amazing for best sexual communication practices.
I love that they're so easy to implement and I feel that that's, that's the final, the final words in this, in this little session together, because I feel that that's really given some actionable things to do, you
Know, and permission,
Permission to go
And talk about it gave me permission just then the first one or highly like I, I resonated with how I can do more of that and I can do it better. So more verbal compliments or, yeah, exactly. What was that you said again?
Dr Tara (39:11):
Praise, more praise. Yeah. Mm. I love that. Thank you so much for your time today. This conversation I've literally sat in tears. I've sat like, just so held in, in your conversation. So thank you. I'm really excited for this one to drop. Yeah.
And I just, just really quickly, I love what you said about agility being so important in a long term relationship because, and that got me really emotional because we have maneuvered around some in my marriage. And that's not something that you go, go ask for, but you know, during those moments I was like, yeah, go ask. You know? So I loved that. I loved that agility was brought into that as well. So that was yeah, such an incredible chat and Le and I were pretty quiet and contemp contemplating for a lot of that, which you know, you've got us good when we just sit here and really go Hmm. And have listen. So thank you so much. We will pop the link down to your website, to your Ted, talk to your podcast as well underneath the episode. And yeah. Thanks for joining us.
Dr Tara (40:14):
Thank you ladies. You have beautiful. So thank you for allowing me this space to share. What I know. Thank
You so much until next time. Thanks for joining us. Have a great day. You
Dr Tara (40:25):
Thank you. Have an orgasmic day.
Yes. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Thank you so much for listening in. It would mean the world to us. If you could give us a follow and even share an episode on your social media to help empower a friend of yours, feel free to check out some of our other motivational episodes. And until next time we are giving you permission to live your best life. Bye.


An amazing way to promote your happiness is to develop the skill of “empathy.”
Empathy is defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”
One reason that empathy is so important is that the act of empathy brings healing to our world and to ourselves.
When you truly seek to understand the inner world of another person, you learn compassion, and when the other person truly feels understood by you, this feeling of being “understood” is extremely therapeutic.
In counseling, some theorists believe that “empathy” is a helper’s greatest tool to bring healing to a person in pain.
The way that you communicate empathy is that you simply reflect back/say what the other person is truly feeling.
For example, if a person has just lost his job, and he is talking about this to you, you should actively listen to what he is saying in order to accurately empathize with him.
If he says, “I am afraid that I will not find another job,” then you can reflect his feeling by saying, “You feel scared about your ability to find a job and perhaps you feel worried about having enough money.”
Then you would wait for the other person to indicate whether what you reflected is really what he is feeling or not.
Sometimes empathy and “reflection of feeling” (a counseling technique) provide all of the healing a person needs, because that person feels understood and truly cared about.
Rather than jumping to give advice to people in pain, try just actually “standing in their shoes” and reflecting their inner worlds back to them. Let them know that another person can understand what they are really going through. Take time to listen for the underlying feelings in their words–perhaps the feelings that they are not fully aware of.
When we understand our feelings, we are more aware of ourselves, and this awareness gives us a better chance of discovering the right course of action.
Try feeling and practicing empathy in your relationships–and then see how amazing your relationships become!


I love you.
You are strong, you endure everything that happens and no matter what, you come out stronger.
You always manage to make me burst out laughing with your quick wit, when I'm sad.
You are odd and strange and that goes to show that you are family.
Your emotions are always pure. When you feel anger, you BECOME the anger. When you are excited, you BECOME excitement. And so on.
I love everything about you, sissy.
You are absolutely perfect.
Happy 14th birthday, Kaelee.


A special service to create unforgettable moments.
Together with you we plan your wedding day with love and heart to leave lasting impressions for you, your family and friends.
Our weddings reflect the personality and lifestyle of each couple. The difference is in the details: from customised invitations to creative decoration.
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Just say YES.


The Parsi Marriage and Divorce (Amendment) Act, 1988 (No. 5 of 1988), 25 March 1988.
Annu Rev Popul Law. 1988;15:65.
This Act amends the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act, 1936, of India in the following ways, among others:
1) marriage age is set at 21 for males and 18 for females (even if they have changed religion); 2) children of invalid marriages are legitimate if they would have been legitimate if the marriage had been valid;
3) divorce can be obtained on the grounds of incurable unsoundness of mind for a period of two years; cruelty; desertion for two years (instead of three, as previously); non-resumption of cohabitation after a decree for separate maintenance for one year (instead of two years); conversion to some other religion (not merely ceasing to be a Parsi); non-resumption of cohabitation for one year after a decree of judicial separation or restitution of conjugal rights, regardless of guilt; and mutual consent;
4) both husband and wife have equal rights to obtain provisional alimony and permanent alimony and maintenance from each other;
5) the age for custody and maintenance of children is increased from 16 to 18; and
6) all suits brought under the law are to tried in camera.


Caring Too Much
Be careful. I can’t tell you, you’ll ruin it. He’s getting back together with his ex. He knew about your breakup before you did, through facebook. I say this because I care. It’ll never last. She can’t commit. You’re self-destructive, an alcoholic, making bad decisions, and I don’t want you to get hurt. I tell it like it is. That was not our perception of why you did what you did. I don’t like to be there when you’re with her, she changes you to somebody else. I hated her. Hated her. She wasn’t good for you, plus she was a bitch. I think you should do what makes you happy. I want you to be happy. Hated her. You should write a story about me; you can call it Blunt.
Keep your penis in your pants, keep water in your system, and perhaps you should jerk off before seeing her. I knew I shouldn’t’ve told you, you ruined it. You’re a new jon, like a toilet. You’re more aggressive, and she wasn’t prepared for that. I wanna hear how it went. Don’t tell me about it. Do you have any respect for your friends? I’m here for you. What are you gonna do, marry her? You can’t be friends with women. I don’t count as a woman, I’m a wife. We love to have you, we really do, but we’d love you to have a little lady of your own. Someone to spend special times with. Besides us. Shut up or I’ll kick you the fuck out of here. It has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with you. If you have something to say fucking do it to his face or go home.
Oh Nikki Nikki Nikki.
You say all this and tell me I’m not bad. You’re helping. I need this. You want to be blunt and honest, and what you say is just that, and still inside I hear the elephant calling. Am I bad is the question I ask when you say these words. Sometimes I want only a friend who will be a friend, who will stand beside me and not care so much about my life but be there standing. Sometimes I’m thinking what you say and I hear my deepest fears through your voice. Sometimes I wanna be left alone. That last one of yours made me cry for the third time in adulthood. And I realize it isn’t you, but me. I’m the one who’s caring too much.


10 RULES FOR DATING A MUSICIAN
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10 rules for dating a musician


“Your wedding day is one day, but your marriage lasts a lifetime.”
Witness to Love (WTL) is a virtues-based model of marriage renewal and preparation that integrates modern principles of psychology and the virtues to help couples facilitate and talk about their relationship. All built on the rock of True Love, “God”.
What makes WTL unique is that the engaged couple chooses their own mentor couple. This is a couple they both admire and see as a source of faith formation. This mentor couple gives them a connection and integration into the parish. Through the sharing of the mentor couple’s own marriage journey, the engaged couple inherits a “lifeline” of support in their commitment to Jesus and His Church.
The Sacrament of Marriage Preparation Steps
- Contact the Parish Office Manager.
- Complete Parish and Diocese required paperwork.
- Engaged couple meets with Clergy (Priest/Deacon) and completes Premarital Inventory Questionnaire (or Prepare-Enrich or FOCCUS). Schedule a second meeting to review results of the pre-marital questionnaire.
- Engaged couple choses a mentor couple to work with for the WTL
- Engaged couple attends a coaching session with the WTL Parish Marriage Prep Coordinator and Mentor Couple.
- Engaged couple and mentor couple have monthly meetings using WTL Workbooks and Videos. (Completing all six WTL Chapters)
- Engaged couple attends a Parish or Diocesan Couples Retreat (Mentor Couples invited to attend).
- At WTL Chapter 5 dinner and meeting at the Mentor Couple’s home, the Deacon is invited to provide the Theology discussion.
- Natural Family Planning (NFP) on-line course is recommended.
- Both Couples welcomed to the Parish and invited to small groups/Parish ministry opportunities.
- Wedding Day!
- Continued accompaniment by Mentor Couple and Parish Community with newly married couple.
Theology meeting with Priest/Deacon
- Engaged Couple and Mentor Couple will meet with Priest/Deacon to discuss the Theology behind the Sacrament of Matrimony.
- Purpose of this meeting is two-fold: 1) deepen the understanding of the Church’s theology of marriage for the engaged couple and 2) reawaken an appreciation for the Church’s understanding of marriage for the mentor couple.
- After the wedding, the now newly married couple and their mentor couple are urged to continue meeting at least once every two months at Sunday mass to continue their discussions of marriage and marital spirituality.
- The engaged couple is encouraged to turn to their mentor couple whenever the need arises to address any struggles or disagreements they may have.
- The relationship between the couples can continue indefinitely.
How Do I Obtain Materials?
Check with the Parish office to see if WTL materials are in stock. If they do not have materials on hand simply click on this link: “Couple’s Marriage Prep Bundle” and order a set of materials. Make sure to order them well before you schedule your first meeting with your Marriage Prep Coordinator to ensure that the materials arrive in time.
Marriage Prep Bundle:
Please update your Parish Website and use the St. Martha Church website as an example.
More information about the WTL program, please contact:
- Carrie Harkey, DOV Family Life Coordinator, [email protected], or call 941-484-9543.
Doug and Julie Lumpkin - St. Michael Parish 941-928-6668.


Empowered parenting is much more than just being kind and loving. It means guiding your child in life by showing respect towards them, being practical and by being an effective role model. It means helping your child to respect themselves and others. It means encouraging your child without needing to offer rewards or to impose punishment.
Do you ever doubt your ability to parent?
You’ll discover why this is great news for your child Creating Balance offers Empowered Parenting Workshops that affirm parents, guiding and inspiring them to ‘trust the basics’ in spending quality time with their babies and children. With this help, parents grow in confidence and develop the skills and knowledge to nurture a strong and loving bond with their child. And their child is more likely to grow up with a greater sense of self, with strong communication skills and better psychological and social resilience. Providing comfort to your child, playing with them, respectful interactions and being a positive role model for them are the key components of successful parenting. Creating Balance offers time-honoured wisdom about each of these components – providing you with simple and natural ways to build these into your interaction with your child every day.
At our Empowered Parenting Workshop, you will learn the benefits of:


*~ Fourth Iris Petal ~*
I cannot stop thinking about you. Every time I even glance at you my heart beats so fast, so full of emotion - this uncontrollable sensation, this feeling...I've felt it once before.
I think...No, I am certain I'm in love with you. I want to be with you always. Even if you don't return my feelings, I... I can't deny mine for you.
[ ooc: Affected. In lurve with Cain Hargreaves and following him all around the Opera Abandoned, blushing and making nervous attempts to talk to him. XD; ]


Love the ones you are with! As we age, we prioritize our close relationships and spending time with the ones we love. At I-CARE, we provide personal care services in clients homes so that couples are able to stay together in their home. We provide care for one of the couples or both of them. Our caregivers assist couples in all activities of daily living. Your love story does not need to stop when you need help.


We got together several weeks ago with some of our ‘deployment’ friends. We hadn’t seen each other in several months. The women, were significantly monumental in helping one another pass the time while our husbands were overseas. However, it became more clear to me how important the men were to each other. And, how well they actually got to know each other given the tight confines, sleepless nights and life threatening missions.
So…we played the newlywed game that night. It was just like the old show. The answers sometimes bordered on obscene but all-in-all just dealt with daily life. What became the most interesting part of the game, however, was how the men could answer for each other. They knew the others favorite foods, described how they ate, chuckled about their idiosyncrasies, and never let up on each other.
Sometimes, it isn’t just those that we marry that know us well. Within a few months, the soliders will have been home for as long as they were gone. It is hard to believe how fast time does move.


Me and my little princess (mini-me!) I <3 my family!
I love being married to my wonderful pastor hubby, AKA my "Superman". I love being mom to my three lovable little "monkeys". I love books, birds, and blogging. I love finding great deals (especially FREE!). I love decorating and bringing our family's personality and heart into our "little house in the Northwoods"! And I love sharing this heart-ful journey that is "home-making"! Follow along with my as I seek to create, beautify, and love my home!


So, as many of you know that I live in India, and here’s it’s not that normal to have relationships like that. May be because of the old orthodox thinking or just because it’s “bad” as told by our parents. But is it really that bad? Let’s discuss.
I know many of you who are reading this have girlfriends/boyfriends and you are in love with them. But do your parents know about it? Are you afraid to tell them, because they may get mad and you’ll never ever get to talk to the person you loved?
Parents – Old Gen
We must keep in our minds that our parents belong to an old generation and in their generation it wasn’t so good to love someone. They failed to realize its beauty and focused on its negative consequences like getting bad grades, and the biggest fear of all – suicide.
But on the other hand that feeling of love is awesome. You can’t deny this fact if you’ve ever been in a relationship. The more love you feel, the more loved you will be. There’s no one closer to you than the person you love.
You think of them every time and you do crazy things that you would have never done in your whole lifetime. But do you feel regretful for those things? Of course not.
Lovers – New Gen
We are the lovers – We are always been taught to love, so why can’t we have boyfriends/girlfriends? It’s too good to love someone, innit? So we should express the love we feel to that person and if he/she also loves you, there’s no reason to not love.
Yea, I agree, sometimes they can result into blunders, but why can’t we at least try to fall in love, rather than just stamping it with “THIS IS BAD”?
If you feel the same, or you don’t then please feel free to share your opinions in the comments section below!
Photo credits: Hearts by Irargerich, on Flickr.


Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'professional partnership'.
Ben and Jerry; Batman and Robin; Bill Gates and Paul Allen; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid; Barack and Michelle; LaVerne and Shirley; Prince William and Kate Middleton…all successful partnerships. The bottom line: in the best partnerships, both people are better together. There are 10 common characteristics of strong partnerships. How does your relationship with your boss measure up? Read the article: https://www.asaporg.com/creating-a-next-level-partnership-with-your-manager.


Cover Photo: Jessica Lewis on Unsplash
Writer. Sassy. My life is an endless conundrum between Destination Happiness and complacency. In a romantic relationship with Mumbai.
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- Friday, Feb 21, 2020 7:00 PM - Saturday, Feb 22, 2020 4:00 PM EST
God can turn any marriage into a masterpiece.
Your marriage and the marriages around you are colored by personalities, passions, and experiences. Making marriage work is a divinely inspired art form. That's why FamilyLife created The Art of Marriage video event. Biblical content and practical applications give couples a fresh perspective on married life that has proven to have a significant impact on marriages. In participant surveys, 97 percent agree they would recommend The Art of Marriage to other couples.
The six-session event weaves together expert teaching, real-life stories, humorous vignettes, man-on-the-street interviews and much more to portray both the challenges and the beauty of God's design.
The six dynamic sessions are:
Love Happens: God's Purpose and Plan
Love Fades: Overcoming Isolation
Love Dances: Fulfilling Our Responsibilities
Love Interrupted: Communication and Conflict
Love Sizzles: Experiencing Real IntimacyLove Always: Leaving a Lasting Legacy


Bae Suzy’s love story seized the public’s attention again. After breaking up from Lee Min Ho, Suzy is now dating actor Lee Dong Wook.
The news revealed on Friday (8/3). Media TV Report reported love there’s feeling grow in this couple.
“They were originally just colleagues. However, their relationship grow into love, “said a source as reported by Soompi.
Suzy and Lee Dong Wook fall in love because of each other’s personalities. “Both of them are cheerful,” added another source. Especially for this Goblin series actor also likes Suzy’s “humility”.
The news of Suzy and Lee Dong Wook’s dating were later confirmed by JYP and King Kong by Starship.
“They meet in private and casual activities. Recently, they started to close and store feelings toward each other, “explained representative of King Kong by Starship.
“They are still in the stage of getting to know each other,” added JYP Entertainment’s representative.
Courtesy : tabloidbintang.com , ABS-CBN News


I avoided watching "Mouthpiece" for a while because I knew that it would crush me. Anything about mother/daughter relationships always sends me into a weird existential spiral that is hard to shake. Especially for someone who doesn't want children, it's...
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Instead of killing an unwanted tree , this machine makes it possible to move it to a new place instead.
I asked bf earlier lang why he hasn't deleted this girl on his fb that he used to be interested in (I asked cause he got rid of 2 other girls he used to be interested in ren so I was wondering why iniwan nya si ategirl) he said, "I consider her as a friend. Cause I know her. And generally if she asks me how I am, I'll answer" made me think eh si first girl he deleted he had been with for 4 weeks. 2nd girl he deleted they ended up friends as in kuya-sister relationship but he deleted her.
Hiya, fruit cup. Sorry ngayon lang kita nasagot. I wasn’t sure what to say, because I was worried that I’d give you the wrong sort of advice. But I took some time to think about it, and I realized that the best answer to this problem comes from the wisdom of my favorite hooker, Belle Du Jour.
In her book “Belle du Jour’s Guide to Men”, she said something about cheating boyfriends that really resonated with me:
'Listen, you have several scenarios here. You can spend the next six months worrying that he's cheating, and if he is, break up. Then you've had six months of pain, and you think he's a jerk forever.
'Or you can spend the next six months worrying and find out he isn't cheating, in which case you're the jerk.
'Alternatively, you can not worry about it. Because if he is cheating and then is found out—and they are always found out—you just dump him, dust yourself off, and move on. You will be fine.
'And if he isn't cheating, you didn't spend the time driving yourself and him crazy, then what you have is a good relationship.'
Of course, I still advise that you take this with a grain of salt. This is a woman who gets paid to have sex with strange men. But I do feel like she makes a lot of sense. And with that, I wish you luck. Don’t sweat it, dude! Boyfriend lang yan. Believe me, there’s plenty more where that came from.


Whether you have obsessed about relationships since exiting the womb, don't know what you think about it all quite yet, or are afraid of getting hurt, as humans we all have an innate need for love. One author put it this way: "To love is to be fully human."
We all feel that to be true, because when we do not feel loved we are crippled; and conversely, when we love someone it is an exhilarating adventure.We all have this desire for love and affection.
Romeo pimps primarily pretend to engage a potential victim with romantic interests to gain trust and emotional vulnerability.
Once her love and loyalty are secure, the pimp will begin compromising her boundaries or needing her help in various situations. Oftentimes these boundaries and favors are sexual in nature and may start small (like dancing at parties) before escalating to prostitution. When the pimp finally introduces his victim to the world of sexual exploitation, she is often so in love and dependent on him that she will do anything to prove her affection. If she ever refuses or does not want to, his response is simple:
Watch the video below to hear Brianna's and Lacy's stories:
These relationships often have very similar characteristics as an abusive relationship, and then turn into an exploitative relationship. The following Power & Control Wheels illustrate the similarities and differences in these types of relationships.
Welcome to the rebellion.


..or “When not to hold your tongue”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 765 years of existence, it’s this: People Lie.
For all kinds of reasons, logical and not, people just have become accustomed to constantly tellings fibs. Am I saying I don’t lie? Not at all.. I’m the biggest liar I know. I lie constantly.. I lie to myself, I lie to my friends, I lie on my Resume, and I even lie in bed. Sometimes I lie to hide my sadness, sometimes I lie to seem tougher, sometimes I lie because I’m lazy, sometimes I lie because there’s things I don’t want everyone to know. There are many reasons to lie and many people to lie to.
“Ok, Mr. Skid Vis, what’s your point?”
My point is this.. we all lie.. if you say you don’t then you’re telling a lie right there! BUT.. there’s one person you SHOULDN’T be telling lies to.. your significant other! A relationship is the merging of two people into one physically divided, yet emotionally unified person. Your other should know EVERYTHING about you.. the good, the bad, the disgustingly hidden.
A few years ago there was a news story about a man who after 20 years learned that his wife was actually a man.. penis and all! One of my cousins was married to a man for 4 years before she learned that he was actually already married to someone else! Every day people are shocked to learn something about the person they married. That baffles me!
Any girl that has ever dated me knows that I harbor no secrets. I lie my ass off to anyone who will listen, but when I’m in a relationship it all comes out.. my fears, my pleasures, my life, my goals, my expectations! Why is that so hard? The reason the divorce rate is so high is, among other things, that people just don’t know the person they’re marrying! People constantly hide crucial facts from the person they’re dating.. then they marry.. and EVENTUALLY it comes out and the marriage goes to hell in a handbasket.. Trust me, I know!
Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth.. to the person you love. Lie to everyone else if you need to make up for it. If there’s not one person who knows everything about you, then you’ll be alone forever. Believe it.


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The CPAA has an open house policy in place. You can join us in all of our activities, field trips, parties or special events.
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The girls didn't nap today.
When I went in to get them, they were dancing together in the middle of the room.
Like, holding each other dancing.
And singing the "Sleeping Beauty" song.
And then pulling each other down in a WWF take down to the floor.
Almost so sweet.


St. Matthew Lutheran Church, Galena Illinois
We recognize marriage as a way of life created, blessed, and sustained by God. The Christian tradition holds a high view of marriage. This view originates in the Old Testament, and comes to its greatest expression in Jesus' teaching about marriage in the Gospels. In other parts of the New Testament, we find Jesus' teaching elaborated by the Apostles. Faithfulness to Jesus' teaching is our goal in helping couples enter marriage in the context of the Christian faith and the Lutheran tradition. Marriage often becomes the foundation for larger family life, also.
Our understanding of marriage does not require that a ceremony be performed by an ordained minister; marriage is a gift of God which he has not limited to believers. Therefore, when persons desire to be married in the church sanctuary by the pastor of St. Matthew, the church assumes that the couple shares its basic beliefs about God and about marriage in the sight of God. We consider the wedding ceremony a worship service and treat it as such in order to protect the sanctity of the marriage covenant. Otherwise, a civil ceremony would be the couple's appropriate choice.


There are many advantages to marrying under common law.
- You can be married by a family member or friend of your own choice.
- You will not have a stranger performing the ceremony.
- You are not entering into contract with the State.
- You are not bound by The Marriage Act 1961
- You are free from legal turmoil if you decide to end the marriage.
It is said that a Common Law Marriage does not involve a ceremony. This is incorrect. It’s well known that couples who live together for a certain amount of time are considered legally married under common law. the couple can also have a wedding ceremony under common law. They can have a traditional wedding with all the trimmings. And this includes:
- a church wedding
- a wedding dress
- a wedding cake
- the wedding rings
- have a marriage certificate
- can go away on a honeymoon, why not?
Nothing needs to be lost by opting for a common law wedding as opposed to statute law. It is still a traditional wedding that is a personal contract with added benefits. Why wouldn’t it be? After all they’re not marrying the State.
What happens also is that the romance is not lost in a legal process. It is a personal affair and there would be still a proposal etc. A common law marriage is more intimate and personal than a statute law marriage.
There is no contract with the State they sign so couples are not bound by the State and by the Marriage Act 1961. Contracting with the State becomes very expensive if things go wrong and they decide to end the marriage. Nearly everyone knows someone who’s had a messy divorce. That doesn’t happen under a common law marriage unless the couple involved want it to be and that’s not very likely. Only lawyers win when couples split and divorce under statute law. Everyone knows that.
A common law marriage is different because you are in control and not lawyers. Tradition is that he couple discuss their wishes with family and fritend before the marriage takes place. They agree on what they want to happen if they did decide to separate some time down the track. Then their agreement becomes a matter of honour and the relatives will do what is best for all concern. That is a much better arrangement and it is a more civilized way of ending a marriage if they part company. Common law weddings are coming back into vogue in mainstream Australia. It is not a privilege that is reserved only for certain community groups. If it was once it is not any more.
The association of UPMART in partnership with the church of SOCIA will marry couples at common law. This service is also at no cost to the couple getting married. A stipulation though, is that the couple to be married must first attend an UCLC to be eligible for the marriage service. This stipulation is so that they become aware of how to obtain full benefit by marrying at common law. Couples also may help design their marriage certificate. Designing your own common law marriage certificate is a personal affair as opposed what you get when marrying under statute law.
We would like to know your thoughts or experiences on the topic and commenting is encouraged. What is your opinion on a wedding ceremony that is under common law?
To find out more visit: www.upmart.org


HimHerDating.com : Free online dating site with best online dating services
HimHerDating.com is a free online dating site. We are proud to provide online dating services to men seeking women and women seeking men. Hundreds of singles join our free online dating site every day. Here we provide online dating articles and update our dating blog to address our members online dating related questions. We encourage you to join our 100% free online dating site if you have not become a member yet.
HimHerDating.com is a newly developed dating site with focus on how people date in real life to find a perfect match. Its a 100% free dating site, providing secure text messaging and chat message facility. New dating articles are regularly published on the site.
Our philosophy is to let members make their own decision. We will provide you enough information so that you can make a decision. We don't want to influence your mind with our thoughts or ideas. We think that our role is of a mediator who introduces you to the other members.
Imagine you are gone to a party, where you meet lots of people. Now imagine that as soon as you enter the room, someone starts telling you to whom you should talk and not. No, we will not do this to you. What we do is simple; we welcome you to the party, let you settle down, look at different peoples profile and find if someone interests you. Once you feel that someone special is there, then you can take further steps at your own discretion, like chat with her/him, send a smile or leave a message.
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To help you make a decision we provide you with the needed information.That is why we ask you to fill up your profile, so that other members can look at your profile, to make an educated decision. Your profile gives you the opportunity to express yourselves, as well as set the preferences for the person you are looking for. You can fill as much information as you want, and load up to 25 pictures on your profile. It is important to upload your pictures, as a picture is worth a thousand words.
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On November 14, 2022, the National Assembly passed the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control No. 13/2022/QH15, including 56 articles divided into 6 chapters with many amendments and supplements compared to the Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence. family force in 2007 (Law 2007). Some of the important new points include the following:
(1) Regarding acts of domestic violence:
- Expand domestic violence acts from 09 groups (Article 1 of the Law in 2007) to 16 groups of acts in Article 3 of the Law on Prevention of Domestic Violence in 2022. In particular, the special point must be that persons with disabilities and other vulnerable people (children, senior citizens, pregnant women or children under 36 months of age, etc.) are directly defined as the subject of domestic violence by non-nurturing and caring for family members (point d, Article 3 of the Law on Prevention of Domestic Violence in 2022).
- Amending and supplementing the same group of subjects in the following directions: (1) Specific regulations on members of the divorced family, of people living together as husband and wife, including father, mother, stepchildren, their brother, sister, brother; (2) Additional acts of violence committed between the divorced person; people living together as husband and wife; People who have had a relationship between adoptive parents and adopted children are also identified as acts of domestic violence according to the Government's regulations (Clause 2, Article 3 of the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control, 2022).
(2) Regarding domestic violence prevention:
The principle of prevention and control of domestic violence under the Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence in 2022 is "Prevention is the priority, with persons suffering from domestic violence at the heart". We need to actively incorporate both “prevention” and “defence” in all our measures and solutions
- Information, communication, and education on domestic violence prevention and control must meet the requirements in Clause 2, Article 13 of the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control 2022, especially focusing on persons with disabilities and other vulnerable subjects
- Domestic violence prevention and control counselling focus on a variety of subjects, including people experiencing domestic violence; people who commit acts of domestic violence; persons with disabilities and other vulnerable subjects; people who frequently commit acts of promoting violence, discrimination, or discrimination based on gender, sex, or gender stereotypes; and people who are about to marry (Clause 2, Article 16 of the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control in 2022).
(3) Regarding reporting and denouncing domestic violence:
- Detailed regulations on addresses to receive reports and denunciations about domestic violence act with several additional addresses such as Border guard stations near the place where domestic violence occurs; Educational institutions where the person experiencing domestic violence is a learner; The head of the commune-level socio-political organization where the domestic violence act occurs and especially the National Telephone Switchboard for domestic violence prevention and control.
- Detailed regulations on responsibility for handling reports and denunciations about acts of domestic violence. In particular, when reporting and denouncing acts of domestic violence in which the victims of violence are persons with disabilities and other vulnerable groups, the chairperson of the commune-level People's Committee shall assign the commune or ward police station to town handling (Clause 4, Article 20 of the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control in 2022).
(4) In terms of efforts to prevent domestic violence and to protect and assist victims of domestic abuse:
- To supplement several new measures such as: Requesting domestic violence offenders to the commune-level police headquarters where domestic violence occurred; Education, supporting the conversion of domestic violence; Performing community service work (Article 24, Article 31, and Article 33). In cases where the domestic violence victim is disabled or other vulnerable subjects, or when there is evidence that domestic violence has or may continue to endanger the domestic violence victim's health and life, a request for domestic violence is made to the commune police headquarters where the incident occurred.
- Amend and supplement regulations on several measures as stipulated in the Law of 2007. As for the Prohibition of Contact: The Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence in 2022 added jurisdiction to the Chairman of the Commune-level People's Commission and the Court issued its own decision to ban contact when it was found that domestic violence threatens the lives of people with domestic violence (point b, Clause 1, Article 2, Clause 2 Article ).
(5) Establishment for domestic violence prevention and control:
- Change the name of the "family violence victim support establishment," as defined by the 2007 Law, to "family violence prevention and control establishment" to better reflect its role in arranging places of refuge, providing care, counselling, and meeting basic needs for victims of domestic violence and children whom the victims of domestic violence are responsible for caring for and raising, as well as providing education and support for efforts to end domestic violence.
- Amending and supplementing domestic violence prevention and control support establishments, which include: Reliable addresses; Medical examination and treatment establishments; Social assistance facilities; State legal aid centres, organizations participating in legal aid; Facilities providing support services for domestic violence prevention and control; Other establishments participating in domestic violence prevention and control assistance.
The Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control 2022 takes effect from July 1, 2023, and replaces the Law on Domestic Violence Prevention and Control 2007.
Please follow the details at the link:


Tanya had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 2 years when he began showing symptoms of an infection. Shortly after, Tanya also developed symptoms which led her to suspect he hadn’t been faithful in their relationship. Tanya hoped it was just a UTI, but wanted to be sure; so she came to Life Options.
During her conversation with the nurse, Tanya said she felt safe in her relationship “For the most part,” but because of a previous abusive relationship, she wasn’t sure how to know if her current relationship was also abusive. Tanya also shared that she had experienced an abortion with a previous pregnancy.
Tanya opened up about her spiritual beliefs. Although she grew up attending church, she never felt that it was a good fit. She shared about recently attending a new church, which she truly enjoyed. This led to a great conversation between Tanya and our nurse about having a relationship with God and how establishing healthy relationships with intimacy in marriage is His best plan for her. After their discussion, Tanya asked our nurse to pray with her about the current situation she was in.
Tanya was nervous returning for her results, and when she learned she had tested positive for an STI, Tanya became upset and started to cry. She expressed anger at her boyfriend for cheating on her. Our nurse suggested she pray about the best way to confront her boyfriend, which Tanya agreed was a good idea. After receiving treatment for the infection, Tanya left.
Sadly, Tanya returned a few months after her first appointment, but for a pregnancy test where she received a positive result. Tanya was adamant that she couldn’t deal with the father of her baby and decided to have an abortion.
Several months later, Tanya returned again requesting STI testing. She was less engaged in the conversation and said she already knew about the various STI’s and the risks of sexual behavior. At one point, Tanya expressed regret about her two abortions but would not elaborate on her emotions.
It breaks our hearts to hear stories like this where there’s so much hurt. This is why Life Options is proactive in educating on healthy relationships and sexual integrity, to try to help people like Tanya experience hopeful futures, regardless of their past choices.
Our hope is that Tanya would return to her relationship with God and allow Him to redirect her path.
We stand in the gap, plant the seed and entrust the outcome to the only One who can change a heart.
*Names changed for confidentiality.


I am particularly passionate about working with couples and acting as the translator to help partners speak the same language and increase connection. I believe that there is nothing more meaningful than our connections and relationships with others. Whether you’re dating and thinking about the next steps in your relationship, or whether you’ve been married for 10+ years and looking to reconnect, I can help you improve communication, identify unhealthy patterns and replace them with healthy ones, and solidify a “we” approach to your relationship.
At my core, I believe in each individual’s capacity for growth and empowerment and am dedicated to developing a collaborative environment of trust and respect. I help individuals to discover understanding, clarity, and hope while encouraging an honest feedback loop in the therapeutic relationship. Using techniques ranging from lighthearted humor to more intensely challenging belief systems, I promise to meet you wherever you are in your journey.
My practice includes assisting both couples and individual clients to work through a variety of challenges. My primary focuses are:
Having completed the Level III Practicum Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, I have extensive knowledge in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. This method utilizes assessment and customized interventions to help couples focus on strengthening three main areas of their relationship: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. If you’d like to learn more about the Gottman Method, click here.
With individuals, I utilize a unique blend of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Strength-Based Therapy.
Presently, I do not accept insurance. My per-session rates for couples and individual clients are:
© 2019 Ensō Therapy Group, LLC - All Rights Reserved.


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The subscribe button with the little bell and don’t forget to check out my new book, make him yours, beating the odds of modern dating, which is now available from the description first chapter. Is there as well hit that subscribe button and i’ll see you right after this Music warning, you’re, probably going to hate me for some of what’s in this video, but it’s empowering and important, so we’re going on number one myth about love. We need to bust love at first sight, so love at first sight is a combination of chemicals in your brain and your sense of smell love at first sight that real chemistry is about you, noting genetic strengths, where you have weaknesses and him doing the same. For you now, this isn’t to say, i’ve, never heard of a couple of course, we’ve all heard of couples who knew at first sight and they tell the story and they’re still together happy after 10, 20 years. It does happen. But what you have to remember is that love is a combination of relationship, skills, it’s, a combination of the effort he puts into you it’s, a combination of all the things that grow into growing together and building an empowering relationship, and you can absolutely have chemistry with People who don’t do that the danger of love at first sight is that you go hey, it’s meant to be, and then you continue to invest in someone who isn’t investing in you and doesn’t deserve you.
You may hear about the couples who fell in love and 10 years later, they’re still together from love at first sight, but you don’t hear the millions of stories from couples who thought they had love at first sight. They were absolutely sure, and then it turned out. He was a narcissist or it turned out. He didn’t put any effort in or had no relationship skills. Love at first sight is a beautiful thing, but it won’t make a relationship on its own. You need all the other stuff on top of it, to make sure that you can form an empowering bond with the right man, so don’t get hooked on love at first sight. Look at the long term relationship picture when you’re choosing a man for love. Myth number two infatuation equals love, slash, love completes me i’ve put these two together because they go hand in hand, and they are incredibly important and potentially incredibly toxic. If you buy into these love myths, so infatuation infatuation is the obsession with the feeling. Someone gives you. We get infatuated with a person because we want that feeling over and over again, the problem with infatuation is it’s, our brain, identifying that that person is the source the only source. The only way to feel that way is, if i’m, with him. If i’m with her – and this is why infatuation can be so toxic because your brain starts to convince itself this person, it needs this person for that feeling, it’s literally dependent on that person to feel that feeling right if you’re waiting for someone to come along.
This goes into the love completes me myth if you’re waiting for someone to come along and fill up those things in your neurology, then you’re waiting for someone to be in a codependent relationship with right love is about growing together, it’s about learning. You can feel those feelings on your own and even if you do find yourself infatuated, which we all do at times, understanding that that feeling comes from you it’s, not about the person the person might have triggered it, but it’s coming from you, you’re not dependent on That person for that feeling the love completes me infatuation. Myth can send you down the road of toxic codependency if you buy into it. So always remember, infatuation is not healthy and love is not built around completing you or infatuation it’s, built around two healthy fulfilled individuals. Complete individuals growing together number three true love can overcome anything much like the love at first sight. Myth the problem with love can overcome. Everything is that you end up staying in relationships. Well, you shouldn’t. I have far too many clients who come to me and women in general who leave comments. Who say, i love this guy at the start, and – and i know we can overcome this when the guy’s being abusive, when the guy is manipulating her when the guy is narcissistic or it doesn’t have to be anything that bad, it could be. One wants kids and one doesn’t. You guys want to live in different areas.
You just have very different personal values: they’re just just incompatible personal values on things like religion or politics, and you guys are strong at either end and they don’t match. True love cannot overcome everything and trying to force it. To do so will actually see you in toxic relationships that harbor resentment and lower both of your self esteem. Myth number four love is effortless. This myth comes from the idea that when we’re in love we just won’t, we all we want to do is serve our beloved. All we want to do is work for him or her, and it will never require any effort or input from us and simply isn’t. True, i mean think about it with your health. Would you say being healthy is effortless course not you go to the gym or you go to yoga or you put in effort. Would you say doing well at work is effortless? Oh you get up in the morning. You go to work, you invest time, effort money, hundreds of hours a month into work, so saying love is effortless is when you think about it, a bit silly. It can feel effortless for the first couple of years, especially when the dopamine is driving your actions and when you’re you’re feeling great, but thinking that love will always be effort. Free is a misnomer. Remember, love does require effort from both of you. Building a healthy relationship in the end is going to be something that you both put effort into and reap the rewards by the way, if you’re, enjoying the video so far, don’t forget today’s content is based off of chapter number.
Five in my new book make him yours, beating the odds of modern, dating myth. Number five. There is only one perfect soul mate out there. This myth has two problems. The first is that what, if you and your soul mate, never come in contact, you simply live in samoa and he doesn’t or vice versa, but more importantly, number two. Is it shuts down the value of short term relationships? You know, some of us are very lucky. We meet one person and we grow and change with that person right throughout our lives for 60, 70 years, even and that growth continues and we grow together in healthy ways that can empower us. But for most of us our first relationship is not our one relationship. That doesn’t mean it has no value. Well, we can look back on that relationship. We can take the learnings and we can appreciate what that person brought to our lives. In fact, i am personally incredibly thankful and grateful for my own ex that i talked about in the how to let go of love video because of all that she taught me and now, almost five years on from that, i can see the way that she’s affected Every part of my life in a positive way, even right through to my current love life, so it’s important to remember that the the perfect soulmate idea it pushes down the importance of these relationships along the way. I can’t necessarily guarantee that the next person you meet is going to be your perfect soulmate.
What i can guarantee is, if you choose well, if you take the skills from this channel, if you make sure you pick guys that put effort into you that raise your self esteem, i can guarantee you’re going to experience growth and happiness in that relationship and that, If both of you grow in the same directions and have compatible values and relationship skills, it could be your longest ie1 relationship, but if it’s not if it turns out you guys, do grow in different directions as you go on it, doesn’t mean that next great guy Won’T be a great growth experience for you. That leads you to your one. Instead of focusing on finding the one, perfect soul, mate focus on finding your next imperfect growth partner, the man you can have a relationship with a long term, one if those are your values and his match it. But one where you can appreciate the fact that no one’s perfect and the two of you grow together to become better humans. Number six love means never being attracted to another. This simply isn’t true it’s gon na happen over time, especially after the honeymoon period. You are going to find attraction, he’s going to find attraction for others, and one of the reasons infidelity rates are so high over 70 percent. Is that we shame this so it’s, not about shaming it it’s not about pushing it down, it’s, not about not feeling it at all it’s about what you do with it.
How will you communicate this as a couple? This can either be something you push down, which causes a problem in the relationship or it can be something that you uncover and communicate on, which actually leads to you being in a stronger relationship and number seven jealousy equals love i’m sure. You can appreciate that if you believe jealousy equals love, then you believe that the more jealous you are, the more you’re in love. Now jealousy is a normal emotion. Jealousy is a hundred percent normal to feel it’s, not jealousy it’s what you do with it. That’S the problem many people use jealousy as an excuse to control their partner as an excuse to act out as an excuse to jump over someone’s boundaries, and none of that is okay. Jealousy is a normal feeling, but caring for your partner, loving your partner, means appreciating their freedom and respecting their boundaries. That means that jealousy is something that you deal with, something you communicate, but something you don’t use to inhibit or control. Your partner don’t fall into the toxic myth that jealousy equals love because you’ll end up in relationships with guys that are incredibly jealous and while it might feel, very loving, you’re, actually walking into codependent and a total collapse. Codependence and a total collapse of boundary function so make sure you don’t shame jealousy, but you understand it’s what someone does with it. That’S most important and that’s the video don’t forget. This content was taken from chapter five.
Make him yours. Beating the odds of modern dating is now out there and if you want to grab a copy, you can do it link in description, if you’re not so sure you can just download the first chapter for free and see what you think of it hit the subscribe Button with the little bell, so you get the notifications and let me know in the comments below what do you think of the miss. Have you had a myth, that’s got to you.


Dear Mike and Cindy, I would like you to share my personal satisfaction of the service you have provided to me over the last six years. I find you not only look after my financially interests but you have also taken the time and skill to develop a relationship with me that feels personal. The level of knowledge and understanding you bring to our conversations in relation to my financial goals and investments leaves me feeling confident and at peace with the decision I make. Additionally I would add, it is great the support you have given, to help guide my two children investing personally in their financial future although they were only fourteen and sixteen at the time. They both now see value in saving a little each paycheck.