Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Family is a defining feature in the lives of most Canadians. Family profoundly influences our economic and social lives and our hopes and plans for the future. For many young adults, transitioning from a family of origin toward a partnership is a significant aspect of adulthood. Marriage has featured prominently in this transition, but over the last fifty years or so there has been something of a family revolution, as the portion of married “census families” in Canada has declined while common-law relationships and living alone have increased. And the young adults who do marry are doing so at later ages.
Survey data suggest that young adults generally view marriage as a positive aspect of family life but are less convinced that the institution is necessary. Still, many young adults do marry. Why do some young adults choose to marry and others do not?
This report examines three questions from Statistics Canada’s General Social Survey 2017 to better understand the main reasons that partnered young adults choose to marry or forgo marriage. One question was posed to each cohort: married, intending to marry current partner, and not intending to marry current partner. Married respondents, and those intending to marry, were asked to select the main reason for their decision, from a set of nine response options. Those who were partnered but did not intend to marry their current partner were asked to select their main reason for not marrying, from a set of ten response options. All respondents were provided with an “other” write-in option. We examined the frequency of selected responses by age and sex. Our primary focus for this report are young adults aged twenty-four to thirty-four, as the average age of first marriage is approximately thirty years old.
Our analysis finds that among young adults who are married or intend to marry, nearly half selected “proof of love and commitment” as the main reason for their decision. The second most frequently selected answer for currently married respondents was “cultural, moral, or religious reasons,” and for those intending to marry it was “next logical step.” “Legal protections and financial security” was the least selected reason among married respondents and third least selected reason among partnered young adults intending to marry their current partner.
The provided response options were open to interpretation by survey respondents, but we suggest that personal relational motivations, and culturally or community informed values, are primary motivations for marriage. A couple may choose to marry to prove their love and commitment to one another, but it might equally be true that marriage communicates the status of their relationship to friends, families, and society.
Conversely, among young adults choosing to forgo marriage, one in two men and two in five women selected “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” as the main reason for their decision. Only 5.4 percent selected “never thought about it” as the main reason for not marrying their current partner.
A pluralistic society respects that marriage is not for every individual, but neither should the personal and society benefits corelated with healthy marriage be ignored. Discussion of the economic barriers to family formation shouldn’t ignore the significant role that personal and culturally informed values have in marital decision making. Community groups, religious organizations, and others interested in the relational health of young adults should reflect on the larger societal values about marriage and consider the values that their organizations are communicating intentionally or unintentionally to young adults.
Canada has undergone something of a family revolution over the last fifty years. In 1970, married couples (with or without children) accounted for 91 percent of all “census families.” 1 1 Statistics Canada defines a census family as “a married couple and the children, if any, of either and/or both spouses; a couple living common law and the children, if any, of either and/or both partners; or a lone parent of any marital status with at least one child living in the same dwelling and that child or those children. All members of a particular census family live in the same dwelling.” Statistics Canada, “Census Family,” November 16, 2015, https://www23.statcan.gc.ca/imdb/p3Var.pl?Function=Unit&Id=32746. By 2016, that portion had fallen to 66 percent of census families. While marriage remains the predominant family form, the tendency to form families around marriage is declining. Why do some Canadian young adults still choose to marry? Why do others forgo marriage? This report analyzes data from Statistics Canada’s General Social Survey 2017 to better understand the main reasons that partnered young adults choose to marry or to forgo marriage.
Canadian young adults who marry are doing so at increasingly older ages. As the portion of married young adults aged twenty-five to thirty-four has decreased for decades, the portion of couples living common law has increased, though many of these relationships do transition into formal marriage. 2 2 Statistics Canada defines couples as common law if they are living together in a conjugal relationship but are not legally married. At the same time, the portion of young adults living unpartnered has increased faster than those living common law.
Survey data suggest that young adults largely view marriage as a positive contributor to family life. 3 3 Nanos Research, “How Canadians Feel About Family Life,” Nanos Research, May 2016, https://www.cardus.ca/assets/data/images/2016/family/2016-809-Cardus-Familyandpartnership-ReportwithTabs.pdf. Whether marriage is a necessary component for a positive family life, however, is another question. Angus Reid Institute data suggest that just over half of twenty-five- to thirty-four-year-olds say that marriage is a more genuine form of commitment than living common law, but 58 percent also say that they don’t think it is important for couples who want to spend the rest of their lives together to get married. 4 4 Angus Reid Institute, “‘I Don’t’: Four in Ten Canadian Adults Have Never Married, and Aren’t Sure They Want To,” May 7, 2018, http://angusreid.org/marriage-trends-canada/.
Marriage is not as pertinent among young adults as it was in the past, with less than 40 percent of young adults agreeing that “marriage is as relevant today as it has ever been.” 5 5 Angus Reid Institute, “I Don’t.” While there may be a sense that marriage is losing relevance, a substantial body of research shows that healthy marriage is associated with positive personal and public outcomes.
Married couples are more likely to combine and leverage income and economic resources and to pass on those resources to their children. 6 6 S. Britt-Lutter, C. Dorius, and D. Lawson, “The Financial Implications of Cohabitation Among Young Adults,” Journal of Financial Planning 31, no. 4 (2018): 38–45, https://www.onefpa.org/journal/Pages/APR18-The-Financial-Implications-of-Cohabitation-Among-Young-Adults.aspx. There are a number of correlations between healthy marriage and better physical and mental health, and better recovery from illness. 7 7 S. Martinuk, “Marriage Is Good for Your Health,” Cardus, September 2016, https://www.cardus.ca/research/family/reports/marriage-is-good-for-your-health/. Data suggest that growing up in an intact family is correlated with benefits for children. 8 8 Witherspoon Institute, Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles (Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute, 2008). The degree to which these outcomes are the result of marriage, or are a selection effect, continues to be a matter of discussion, but on the whole, healthy, stable marriage appears to be beneficial for individuals and society.
Using public-use microdata files from the General Social Survey 2017, we analyzed the frequency of selected responses that were provided for three survey questions, by age group and sex. We used the values weighted by Statistics Canada to extrapolate to the larger Canadian population.
We divided the sample into four age categories: age 24 and under, ages 25 to 34, ages 35 to 54, and age 55 and over. For each age group we analyzed the frequency of responses by sex, male and female. 11 11 The responses to the “Sex” category were split on the binary, and there were no responses under the “Don’t Know,” “Refusal,” or “Not Stated” categories provided by Statistics Canada.
This study focuses on Canadian young adults within the prime marrying age. The average age of first marriage in Canada in the latest year on record (2008) is 31 years for men and 29.6 years for women. 12 12 A. Milan, “Marital Status: Overview, 2011,” Statistics Canada, July 2013, 10, https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/en/pub/91-209-x/2013001/article/11788-eng.pdf?st=7X49BIbv. Thus we focus most of our analysis on the age 25 to 34 category. While we analyzed the data for the age 24 and under category, we don’t report the results here, as less than 5 percent of Canadians within this age range are married, and one of the three questions are asked of married respondents.
The three questions we analyzed instruct respondents to select from nine responses for the first two questions, and ten responses for the third question. The response options included “other.” This response category offered a write-in option. Statistics Canada coded and distributed the written responses into existing categories where there was a suitable match, or left them in “other-specify” if a match with an existing category was not possible.
The first question analyzed was posed to respondents who indicated that they were married. Respondents were asked to select the main reason that they choose to marry rather than live unmarried or in a common-law relationship.
The second question was posed to respondents who indicated that they were in a common-law relationship or an intimate-couple relationship, and definitely or probably intended to marry their current partner. Respondents were asked to select the main reason that they planned to marry their current partner.
The third question was posed to respondents who were living common law or in an intimate-couple relationship and said that they definitely would not, or probably would not, marry their current partner. Respondents were asked to select the main reason that they planned to continue the relationship unmarried.
Additional methodological details are available in the appendix.
Our analysis examines the frequency of selected responses to the provided options. Caution should be exercised in extrapolating comparative analyses beyond the frequency distributions.
As noted above, respondents were provided with nine or ten response options, depending on the question. Response options were open to the respondent’s interpretation, and we cannot be certain we have understood the full range of interpretations, which limits aspects of our analysis.
Respondents were provided with an “other” response option that included a write-in option. As previously noted, Statistics Canada recoded these responses to other options or retained them in the “Other” category. No written responses were provided in the public-use microdata file.
Finally, the survey was conducted prior to the COVID-19 pandemic and cannot account for the impact that this crisis may have had on intentions to marry.
The first question we examined was directed to respondents who indicated that their marital status was “married.” They were asked to identify the main reason that they married their current spouse.
In the sample as a whole, the most frequently selected main reason that respondents selected was “proof of love and commitment” (40.7%), followed by “cultural, moral, or religious beliefs” (24.5%), and “marriage was the next step/logical advancement of the relationship” (8.7%).
The top two responses were consistent by sex, but for women the response “Living together without being married was not socially acceptable” (8.6%) was the third most frequently selected response.
Turning our attention to young adults ages twenty-five to thirty-four, we found that men and women shared similar frequency ranking of responses to the overall sample.
Nearly half of twenty-five- to thirty-four-year-old married couples selected “proof of love and commitment” (46.5%). The second most frequently select response was “cultural, moral, and religious reasons” (23.9%).
The three least frequently selected main reasons to marry for twenty-five- to thirty-four-year-olds was “legal protection/financial security” (2.2%), then “spouse wanted to” (2.5%), and “to have/adopt children” (3.3%). Among men in this age group, the least frequently selected main reasons to marry were “legal protection/financial security” (1.9%), “to have children/adopt” (2.1%), and “spouse wanted to” (2.4%). The least frequently selected responses for women were “legal protection/financial security” (2.4%), “spouse wanted to” (2.5%), and “living together without being married not socially acceptable” (3.0%).
Legal protections and financial security may have important implications for young adults, but this reason for marrying was infrequently selected as the main motivation.
Couples Intending to Marry
Next, we focused on prospective married couples—those who indicated that they definitely or probably intended to marry their partner. The response options provided were identical to the previous question we analyzed.
In the overall sample, the three most frequently selected main reason for intending to marry a current partner were “proof of love and commitment” (49.8%), followed by “next step/logical advancement of the relationship” (10.6%), and “to make the relationship official” (8.7%).
The response by sex followed the overall response for the top two most frequently selected answers (proof of love, next step), but the third most frequent selection for men was “legal protection/financial security” (8%) and for women was “to make the relationship official” (10.1%).
Among young adults ages twenty-five to thirty-four, the top two selected responses were similar to the overall sample: “proof of love and commitment” (48.9%) and “next step/logical advancement” (13.7%). Unlike the overall sample, however, this cohort selected “to have/adopt children” (7.6%) as the third most frequently selected reason.
“Proof of love and commitment” and “next step/logical advancement” were the top two most frequently selected responses among young adult men and young adult women. “To make relationship official” (8.5%) was the third most frequently select response by men.
Among the cohort of interest, the least frequently selected main reasons were “spouse wanted to” (3.4%) and “living together without being married not socially acceptable” (.8%).
Legal protection and financial security ranked seventh for twenty-five to thirty-four-year-olds. This response was the third most selected response for thirty-five- to fifty-four-year-olds and the second most selected response for those age fifty-five and over.
Similar to the currently married young adult cohort, “proof of love/commitment” was the most frequently selected main reason to marry among young adults. Many young adults in this cohort viewed marriage as the “next step/logical advancement of the relationship.” As was the case with the married sample of young adults, legal protections and financial security were infrequently selected as a main reason to marry.
Couples Intending to Live Unmarried
The third question examined the main reasons that couples intend to continue living unmarried with their current partner. Respondents to this question indicated that they were living common law or in an intimate-couple relationship with someone they were not living with. Respondents were given ten response options, including an “other” option.
For the overall sample, the top three frequently selected responses for continuing unmarried were “current situation is fine as is” (37.8%), followed by “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” (24.3%), and “other” (12.9%). The order of frequencies for the top three main reasons were the same for men and for women.
For the cohort of young adults aged twenty-five to thirty-four, the main reason not to marry was “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” (43%), followed by “current situation is fine” (22.4%), and “wedding preparations and costs” (13%).
Men in this cohort most frequently selected “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” (48.2%), then “wedding preparations and costs” (16.5%), and “current situation is fine” (13.2%). Women most frequently selected “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” (39.1%), followed by “current situation is fine” (29.2%), and “wedding preparations and costs” (10.5%).
The least frequently selected reasons not to marry for the young adult cohort were “the relationship is too recent/fragile” (0.6%), and “does not want to commit” (1.1%), followed by “past experiences/complications relating to divorcing” (1.4%).
Young adult men’s least frequently selected responses were “past experiences/complications relating to divorcing” (.5%), then “relationship too recent/fragile” (1.0%), and “never thought about it” (1.6%). Women’s least frequently selected responses were “relationship too recent/fragile” (.3%), followed by “does not want to commit” (.8%), “and “never thought about it” (1.4%).
Of note, the young adult cohort significantly selected “don’t believe in the institution of marriage” as the main reason for continuing unmarried. “Never thought about it” was infrequently selected by young adults. This suggests that respondents’ views and opinions on marriage influenced their decisions about their partnership status.
Discussion: What Are the Main Reasons That Young Adults Marry?
Among already married young adults, “proof of love and commitment,” and “cultural / moral / religious reasons” accounted for the main reasons to marry for a significant portion of the sample. The third most frequently selected answer was that marriage was the “next logical step in the relationship.” These reasons were similar for men and women.
Among unmarried twenty-five- to thirty-four-year-olds intending to marry or likely intending to marry, “proof of love and commitment” and “next logical step” were the top most frequently selected response accounting for the majority of responses.
The most frequently selected response (“proof of love and commitment”) may have been interpreted by respondents in several ways. One interpretation is that getting married proves one’s love and commitment to the other person. It is also possible that respondents viewed this response as akin to signaling to friends, family, and society about the nature of the partnership, i.e., that they in fact were in a relationship of love and commitment. In both interpretations, marriage confirms and communicates the commitment level of the relationship. We wonder to what degree the decision to marry as “proof of love and commitment” is a confirmation to partners, or confirmation to friends, family, and the community.
Another interpretation we consider is that respondents married because they were already assured of their relational commitment. In this case, “proof of love and commitment” is the prerequisite for getting married. This interpretation reflects something similar to marrying because it is “the next logical step.”
When considering these responses, we wonder to what degree proof of love and commitment and marriage as the next logical step are culturally informed. Likewise, moral and religious reasons for marrying may be very personal, but they also reflect the shared values of a community or wider society. Our analysis does not illuminate the nature of the relationship between personal and cultural values, but it is possible that the combination of personal values and community influence shape the decision to marry.
The third most frequently selected reason to marry, among married women, was “living together without being married was not socially acceptable.” Yet for married women aged twenty-five to thirty-four, this reason was the second least selected reason to marry. This likely reflects the cultural shift that has occurred over the last number of decades in the social acceptance of living together outside of marriage. The absence of a cultural norm to marry is in itself a cultural influence on decisions about marital status.
Marriage is not merely a legal agreement, but it is legally recognized and comes with certain legal and financial protections and benefits. The dissolution of a marriage may require certain obligations, such as alimony and child support, that recognize the interdependence within marriage. Beyond legal benefits and obligations, marriage is associated with economic behaviours such as income pooling, saving, and investing. Legal protection and financial security were among the least frequently selected main reasons that young adults gave for marrying. Legal status and financial security have significant lifelong implications and young couples may value these benefits, but very few young adults selected this as their main motivation to marry.
These reasons were more frequently selected by older adults. It may be that legal and financial considerations are less important for young adults, who typically have fewer assets. It is also possible that lower importance placed on legal and financial security is correlated with lower financial literacy among young adults. 13 13 C. de Bassa Scheresberg, “Financial Literacy and Financial Behavior Among Young Adults: Evidence and Implications,” Numeracy 6 (July 1, 2013): https://doi.org/10.5038/1936-46220.127.116.11
Another speculative explanation for why legal and financial security were not selected more frequently as the main reason to marry is that that common-law couples in Canada (outside of Quebec, which has its own civil code) share many of the same legal rights and obligations as married couples.
Examining responses by partnered young adults who say they will definitely not or probably not marry their current partner is also instructive. One in two men and two in five women in the young adult cohort said that they were choosing not to marry because they “don’t believe in the institution of marriage.” As with those who choose to marry, there may be personal and communal values at play that our analysis is unable to illuminate further. We wonder what sources of cultural influences or communal values contribute to the juxtaposing views between those who marry and those who do not.
The survey data do not reveal how respondents perceive the institutional nature of marriage or what precisely they are rejecting about marriage. The data also cannot tell us how young adults form their opinions about marriage.
The next frequently selected response was that “the current situation is fine.” We wonder if respondents selecting this option see little difference between their relationship status and marriage, or if there are specific aspects of marriage that are unappealing to them, resulting in their preference for or contentment with their current situation.
Research suggests that there is a growing economic gap between those who marry and those who do not, and that economic barriers prevent some young adults from entering into marriage. As noted above, married respondents and those intending to marry did not frequently select “legal and financial stability” as their main reason to marry. Among young adults not intending to marry their current partner, “cost of wedding/preparations” (13%) was the third most frequently selected main reason. We note that cultural expectations about the size and scale of weddings and honeymoons may differ significantly and may contribute to the decision not to marry. Additionally, high student and consumer debt may also deter couples from entering into marriage.
We note that this study examines the main reasons to marry and does not identify prerequisites for entering marriage, such as income and financial stability. Further work from the General Social Survey data examining the income of respondents could provide some insight.
A pluralistic society respects that marriage is not for everyone. But marriage is associated with benefits for couples and their children, and for the wider society. Marriage is both a private and a public relationship. Healthy marriage contributes to family stability, with social and economic implications for neighbourhoods and communities. 14 14 A. Mrozek and R. Wallberg, “Private Choices, Public Costs,” Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, June 2009, https://www.imfcanada.org/sites/default/files/Cost%20of%20Family%20Breakdown%20final_0.pdf.
We wonder how an increased availability of information about the benefits of healthy, stable marriage would inform decisions about partnership. Community groups supporting young adults are best positioned to communicate the function and value of marriage in the private and public spheres. Previous work at Cardus has noted the opportunity for informed discussion of marriage in school-based sexuality curriculum. 15 15 A. Mrozek and R. Feddema, “Please Say Yes? Why Marriage Should Be Included in Modern Sexuality Education Curricula,” Cardus, December 6, 2018, https://www.cardus.ca/research/family/reports/please-say-yes/.
The target population for the General Social Survey (GSS) 2017 includes all residents in Canada over the age of fifteen years (n = 20,602; weighted n = 30,302,287) in all provinces except the Yukon, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut. Full-time residents of institutions are not included. For further details on Statistics Canada stratification, survey sampling frame and collection strategies, data reliability, sampling variability, and error are available in the GSS 2017 user guide.
Analysis for this study uses Statistics Canada data microfile, metadata, and syntax command files (specific to statistical analyses software), codebook, and the GSS 2017 user guide. Metadata and syntax were edited in order to agree with the codebook. The syntax was then run to generate a system file used to perform data analyses using IBM SPSS statistical software.
Frequency analyses were run as follows:
- Based on overall unweighted respondent data, and also using the Statistics Canada weighted values extrapolated to the larger Canadian population. The output was aligned with the Statistics Canada frequencies per the codebook in order to ensure the accuracy of the created system file.
- Based on a comparison of the two sex categories of Male (49.4%) and Female (50.6%) using unweighted and weighted values. (Note: the responses to the SEX category were split on the binary and there were no responses under the “Don’t Know,” “Refusal,” or “Not Stated” categories provided by Statistics Canada.)
- Based on unweighted and weighted values by age group categories: (a) equal to and less than twenty-four years, (b) twenty-five to thirty-four years, (c) thirty-five to fifty-four years, and (d) equal to and greater than fifty-five years.
- Based on respondents’ sex (Male and Female) after dividing data into three specific age groups: (a) twenty-five to thirty-four years, (b) thirty-five to fifty-four years, and (c) equal to and greater than fifty-five years.
Basic Personal Weight
Following the Statistics Canada user manual (Sections 7.1, 8.4, 8.5), a basic person weight was assigned to each respondent (unweighted n = 20,602) to extrapolate the survey sample to the estimated national population over age fifteen years (weighted n = 30,302,287).
Minimum Sample Sizes for Estimate and Sampling Error
As per the GSS 2017 user’s guide, if analysis of variance calculations or other calculations of a given estimate are prepared, the number of persons or households contributing to the weighted values should not be less than fifteen, and weighted estimates should generally not be released regardless of the value of the coefficient of variation. As the current project is a reiteration of frequencies only, and no analyses of variance has been done, variables with less than fifteen respondents have not been excluded. Caution should be exercised in terms of extrapolating any comparative analyses beyond the frequency distributions reported herein.
Per Statistics Canada, confidence intervals for estimates of variance may be obtained under the assumption that estimates are normally distributed about the true population value, and chances are sixty-eight out of one hundred that the difference between a sample and the true population would be less than one standard error and about ninety-five out of one hundred that the difference would be less than two standard errors.
Response Category “Other”
As per the Statistics Canada GSS 2017 user’s guide, when the “Other” category had an option for write-in responses, Statistics Canada coded and distributed the written responses into existing categories when there was a match, or left them in “other-specify” if a match with an existing category was not possible. For the “Other” response category for the questions of interest for this project, no written responses were provided by Statistics Canada.
Angus Reid Institute. “‘I Don’t’: Four in Ten Canadian Adults Have Never Married, and Aren’t Sure They Want To.” May 7, 2018. http://angusreid.org/marriage-trends-canada/.
Bassa Scheresberg, C. de. “Financial Literacy and Financial Behavior Among Young Adults: Evidence and Implications.” Numeracy 6 (July 1, 2013): https://doi.org/10.5038/1936-4618.104.22.168
Britt-Lutter, S., C. Dorius, and D. Lawson. “The Financial Implications of Cohabitation Among Young Adults.” Journal of Financial Planning 31, no. 4 (2018): 38–45. https://www.onefpa.org/journal/Pages/APR18-The-Financial-Implications-of-Cohabitation-Among-Young-Adults.aspx.
Witherspoon Institute. Marriage and the Public Good: Ten Principles. Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute, 2008.
Martinuk, S. “Marriage Is Good for Your Health.” Cardus, September 2016. https://www.cardus.ca/research/family/reports/marriage-is-good-for-your-health/.
Milan, A. “Marital Status: Overview, 2011.” Statistics Canada, July 2013. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/en/pub/91-209-x/2013001/article/11788-eng.pdf?st=7X49BIbv.
Mrozek, A., and R. Feddema. “Please Say Yes? Why Marriage Should Be Included in Modern Sexuality Education Curricula.” Cardus, December 6, 2018. https://www.cardus.ca/research/family/reports/please-say-yes/.
Mrozek, A., and R. Wallberg. “Private Choices, Public Costs.” Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, June 2009. https://www.imfcanada.org/sites/default/files/Cost%20of%20Family%20Breakdown%20final_0.pdf.
Nanos Research. “How Canadians Feel About Family Life.” Nanos Research, May 2016. https://www.cardus.ca/assets/data/images/2016/family/2016-809-Cardus-Familyandpartnership-ReportwithTabs.pdf.


The Love Trefoil ***Friends Spoiler!!!***
St. Patrick used the trefoil clover, a.k.a. the shamrock, to explain the holy trinity. Well, being of proud Irish decent, I am going to use the Trefoil as a way to explain the three aspects of a relationship that make one successful.
To have a truly successful relationship, it is necessary to have a balance between the three connections of the Love Trefoil:
1. The Physical Connection- the fundamental biological attraction between lovers. This connection encompasses all physical intimacy. It includes sexual, romantic, and day to day comfortableness between partners. Without the physical, a relationship is emotional and platonic. It goes against the natural evolutionary reason for dating: reproduction. The physical brings a level of comfort and closeness necessary for real trust, the key principle in a relationship. Trust comes from being completely vulnerable with each other. A relationship can exist without the physical but will not last forever.
2. The Connection of Commonalities- the fundamental and superficial wants from a relationship and from life. This also includes simple likes and dislikes. Fundamental: He wants kids and she doesn’t; she wants to get married he and he doesn’t; or superficial: he likes coffee and she doesn’t; she likes country music and he doesn’t, etc. What do you have in common? This connection is more important when it comes to the fundamental, rather than the superficial. It is better to agree on marriage and children, than on favorite movies or beverage preference. If you can find someone you have both types of commonality with, then that is ideal but not completely necessary. The connection of commonalities, especially the fundamental, is the most overlooked of the three connections. A relationship can go a long way before it dies out under this discrepancy. Once the physical is common place, and no longer exciting, there are no common goals or interests to fall back on.
3. The Genuine Connection- this is the mechanism that makes two people click. A relationship has potential, if nothing else it has the genuine connection. This is the effortless coexistence, and flourishing of two people in each other’s presence. Although powerful, this cannot sustain a bond forever and will require the escalation into the physical connection and/or finding a commonality. Of the three, this one is key, in conjunction with the other two, to have a truly successful relationship. A lack of the genuine connection will kill a relationship faster than anything else.
As predicted by our favorite, Phoebe in Friends, Ross and Rachel were each other’s lobsters. And to find your special lobster, you should keep the Love Trefoil in mind. The more you are connected in these three ways, the more likely it is you’ll be able to walk claw-in-claw along the seabed to a ripe old age.
“Genuine connections can be created, but never broken!” – Moi


I work a lot with adolescents and young adults and often encounter the topic of dating. Many people begin dating someone shortly after the initial meeting or being introduced to them. They blindly follow their emotions and their desire to be loved instead of giving it some thought.
One very simple but practical exercise I like to do is break down the levels of friendship in your lives. On a daily basis you encounter strangers, acquaintances, peers, friends and best friends. Looking at the different stages of friendships in our lives allows us to view the stages objectively and become aware of the process/time it takes to develop a close friendship with another person.
Firstly, a stranger is someone that you don’t know yet, perhaps someone that you have seen but don’t know his or her name. For example, the person that you are trying to hit on at the bar or meet in a coffee shop is considered a stranger. You know nothing about them other than what they look like.
An acquaintance is someone that you may know by name but have a very vague knowledge about. Generally, you have met the person more than once and you share at least one social circle together. It takes just a few times seeing someone to consider them an acquaintance but that person may or may not move past this stage in association.
A peer is someone that you are familiar with. They could be a coworker or someone that you went to university with. You know their name and have slightly more context about who they are and their life, but this is where the relationship ends. You may see them at Christmas parties and catch up with recent events but you are not apart of their ongoing life. It takes some time to develop the status of a peer because it implies that you have encountered the person on numerous occasions and have some type of involvement with them.
A friend is someone that you share information with and see on a fairly regular basis. It takes time for one to get to a place of friendship because as you slowly begin to open up and share, trust begins to develop. The more you get to know them and see that they are trustworthy, the closer you become. The process of becoming a friend can take months to even a year. It is different for everyone so an exact time cannot be given, but it does (and should) take time to develop a secure and trustworthy friendship with someone.
Lastly, a best friend is someone that you could share almost everything with. You are not required to share information but you know that if you ever needed to talk to someone you could trust, they would be there. The development of a best friend relationship takes time and experience together; it cannot happen overnight.
My reason for saying all of this is that the development of a romantic relationship takes time. It is not appropriate to go out to the bar or coffee shop and try to pick up a stranger to begin a dating relationship. The process of getting to know someone happens in stages. These stages may move faster for some than others but no one should jump from the beginning right to the end and skip all the stages in between.
When you meet a stranger for the first time, you don’t know them and there is nothing to build a relationship on. It will be more rewarding and cause less heartache in the end if you look at dating in stages. It is important to know a person for who they are and what they represent before you decide to date, rather than after a bond has already been established.
Next week we discuss some practical tips for healthy dating.
This article was originally written for and posted on Liveabundantly.ca


Elder Brady Roland Black
San Jose, Costa Rica
Let dad know that I'm okay! I appreciate you both so much. Thank you for everything! I love you guys!! If you need ANYTHING just let me know! I will try the best I can! Your always in my prayers! I love you!!!


As most of you know I recently wed my husband this past summer. He is the founder and executive director of The Philly Improv Theater or PHIT, located in Philadelphia. We first met in an improv class and bonded over our love of opera and comedy among other things. I’ve been lucky to meet someone that understands the stress, unpredictability, and constant change in scheduling as a performer – that we both share. We also are technically in two different fields of this beautiful thing we call performing, which is nice break for each of us. Through him, I have been exposed to many new comedians, shows, improv theaters, groups, etc. And through me, he has seen several musicals many times.
The toughest thing for us is to find time together to just hang out. As I sit here writing this, we have big plans tonight to go do our laundry after dinner and make this upcoming week’s meal plan. But we actually love doing these domestic tasks because we get to see each other.
Here’s an article about Caissie Levy (Elsa from Frozen – have you heard of this musical?) and her husband, composer David Reiser. Although this article also talks about raising a small child (not quite yet), it’s nice to see another perspective on two people together “in the business.”


Kitchen Redo Couple
FULL BODY DRAWINGS SERIES —
This happy young husband and wife just wrapped up a HUGE project,
redoing their entire kitchen. All of it just the two of them.
Proud and happy. And still married! Good for them. Also drawn at Tammy’s big birthday party of course.


A step to a better you
- 1 hr1 hour
We focus on finding fulfillment through progress. We help you find fulfillment and happiness by recognizing the value of the process versus the result. By learning to appreciate the process versus the end result you will become more satisfied with your life in general which will lead to more productivity, more happiness, better relationships, growth and fulfillment. Additionally, we focus on leadership skills and bettering your relationships with your children.


Whenever romance and nature meet, the combination is powerful.
It is no wonder a special kiss shared in a well-kept garden, or a day spent hiking together or near natural water flows, are often the best remedies to spice up romance with your partner.
Here are three (3) of several outdoor places in St. Vincent which are perfect for nature-lovers who want to enjoy the outdoors together.
First on this list in the Botanical Gardens, St. Vincent: as soon as you enter the gardens, you know it. You feel it. There’s that natural atmosphere, conducive to sharing a moment together with nature. Though the area is public, there is enough privacy to have a deep, romantic conversation with each other and enjoy nature.
2. Vermont Nature Trails: If you’re looking for a hike that’s not too far, but far enough to spend time together in a nature-type environment, then a…
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The relationship you have with yourself is the most important. Take yourself on solo dates, spend time alone. The more you love who you are, the easier it will become to love others. I know you think everyone else has their sh*t together, but no […]
Live Whole. Stay Wild.


How to Stay Married: Fullness and Friendship
A recent longitudinal study of marital fulfillment found that of those who categorize their marriage as “unhappy” that within 5 years, if they haven’t divorced, 2/3 of those very same people will categorize their marriage as “happy.” In other words, a majority of unhappy couples, if they keep at it, are able to work through it and get better—at least for a while.
You know what that tells me? One of the primary reasons a marriage ends is not because of “irreconcilable differences” but because one or both simply stopped trying. They stopped fighting, not with each other but for the relationship. That doesn’t have to be you.
From a Christian perspective, fighting for your marriage is deeper than demanding a date night or dragging your husband to a counselor. As human beings we need two things, in marriage. We need first to find our fullness in Christ and, secondly, to be friends with our spouse. (Gen. 2:23)
To find your fullness in Christ is to recognize, through faith, that only Jesus can solve your biggest problems (sin) and meet your deepest needs (to be right with God and filled with peace). To try and get this from anyone else--even your spouse--is to set yourself up for disappointment and he or she up for failure. Do your spouse a huge favor and don't expect them to be your savior and likewise, don't dive into your job, hobby or some new girl at the office as if she fulfill you either. Only Jesus can fullfil you without disappointing or destroying you. (John 10:10, John 14:6)
Friendship, on the other hand, is something your spouse can and must give to you, and you to them. A friend is someone you share life with as you travel together toward a common goal, along a common path. And marriage—according to Genesis—is meant to be the deepest form of friendship. You don’t just share a few hours together, you leave your life behind and build a new one together. You don’t just journey toward trivial things—you bare your body and soul, you hold on tight and--you walk together toward what God has said are the most important things. That’s deep friendship.
Therefore, if you are fighting for your marriage you’re going to do be doing two things. You’re constantly looking for ways to re-fill in Christ and re-focus on your friend, your spouse.
So, first things first. If you don’t have a faith in Christ as your God and King, if he is not providing your meaning and direction and sense of peace and joy it’s time to change that. To submit to him, admit you believe in Him and be baptized into the gifts that come from him and get your spouse, your job, your kids off the hook for a peace that they simply will never be able to provide.
You’re constantly looking for ways to re-fill in Christ and re-focus on your friend, your spouse.
Then, as you navigate marriage re-filling in Christ is about finding ways to regularly drink from that fountain of grace, where you can be guided by His truth and absorb the fact that you are loved, you are forgiven, and you are whole because of Christ. That’s why Sundays are critical, reading God’s Word, talking to God’s people, downloading podcasts from preachers is so important—it keeps you receiving from Christ so that you aren’t trying to get from others what can only come from Him.
A few weeks ago I was reading about the baptism of Jesus—the moment when in order to begin his work of perfectly re-living our disobedient lives he got baptized by John to repent of sins he’d never committed. And that hit me. Jesus knew no sin, yet he repented in my place. It just underscored for me the fact that Jesus did everything. He lived my life and died my death so that I could be forgiven. I said to myself, “There is nothing I can get from my work today, from my kid today, from my spouse today that I haven’t already received from Jesus. He did it all for me. I’m fine. Now I can just give my best, and be a friend to Lisa.”
On the flip side when someone says, “Matt our friendship spark is gone.” Or, “We didn’t start as friends.” I say, "Well what are you doing to change that?" Re-focusing on your spouse means understanding that deep friendship is not a feeling but a daily choice that leads to feelings. To re-focus on your spouse means that regardless of how your relationship began or how tough it's been lately you are waking up each day and making a conscious decison to say, “I’m full in Him. I have what I need, so now, how can I be a friend to her?”
Being friends in marriage is not a 'feeling' but a daily choice that leads to feelings.
If you need any inspiration to draw from then all you have to do is look at Jesus himself. After all, marriage is mean to be a picture of His love for us. Think about it: out of His fullness as God He came to this earth, He joined us here to be your friend and to do what friends do, to love us, walk with us, bless us, and if necessary die for us. That’s the Gospel. That’s the foundation of marriage.
Single or married wrestle with these questions: What are you relying on to fulfill you? Are you asking for something from others that can only come from God? Second, when it comes to marriage how high of a priority are you placing on friendship—deep friendship? And if you’re looking for a spouse, what are you doing to find it, to build it? If you’re already hitched what are you doing, if anything, to protect it and deepen in it?
One of the primary reasons a marriage ends is not because of “irreconcilable differences” but because one or both simply stopped trying. They stopped fighting, not with each other but for the relationship. Don't let that be you.
Find your fullness in Christ and pursue friendship with each other.


As women, we always hear complaints from men that we gossip too much and think too much into every little thing. And for most of my life, I believed this; that when women get together, we gossip and talk over boy problems waayy more than guys do when they get with their friends. But living in New York and riding the subway has proven this myth wrong, simply by paying attention to the male conversations around me.
Prime example: I hop on the F train on my way to work the other morning and walk right into the middle of an animated conversation between two men—one extremely tall, one reaallyyy short—who are probably in their early 20s. The taller of the two is explaining how this girl he is dating has a new iPhone app that allows you to block certain callers in your address book.
Tall guy: So we were talking on the phone, and everything seemed cool, and then she said she’d call me back. After a couple of hours, she never called me back, so I called her back. It kept going to voicemail every time I called. I called three, four, five times, and then I thought…
Short guy: *Throws hands in the air to accentuate his aha moment* The iPhone app! She blocked you!
Tall guy: Yea man, I was thinking if she’s blocking other people with this app, maybe she’s blocking me too…but then she finally called me back and said her phone had died.
Short guy: Hmmm. Typical excuse. I don’t know, man. That seems suspect. Maybe she was with another dude.
Tall guy: That’s not even the worst part. Then I went to the movies with Rob the next day, and I saw her there, right there at 34th Street, man. I didn’t think she saw me, so I acted like I didn’t see her. But then she texted me once the movie started like, “so, you can’t say hi?”
Short guy: Ok, ok, ok, so maybe she IS feeling you…I mean, why else would she have texted you? But maybe she texted you, just to make sure you are still interested in her, even if she’s not that interested in you. Or maybe…
And…END SCENE (well, the conversation continued, this is just where I had to get off at my stop.)
I couldn’t help but laugh as I walked out of the train station. If I closed my eyes and imagined their voices at a slightly higher pitch, it could definitely have been a conversation with me and a girlfriend, dissecting whether the most recent guy she’s talking to is really interested in her or not. So people who claim that the romantic advice and all the “He’s Just Not That Into You” stuff is for females only? Well, I’m starting to think that maybe men could learn a thing or two themselves.


I was with my scene partner today.
He made us do an exercise to have us comfortable with each other. We had to be in character and tell each other how much we truly loved and cared for one another.
Every word he said was a stab in the heart. Made me feel more and more empty. Because he had someone to think about while telling me those things. His girlfriend. And I had no substitution. Because I’ve never been loved. Or even liked. He told me to imagine the feeling of a guy telling me he liked me. And I couldn’t even do that. I shied away and broke character to prevent me from blanking & getting emotional. But I felt so empty.
I’ve never been wanted. I’ve never felt like almost every girl in the world has felt. No guy has even complimented me before. I feel so… Ugly.
“They say give it time. Give it time and it will fall in line but I keep wondering how an when and why I haven’t met you…”
I guess everything happens for a reason.
I want some little kid to see me at a show, or on a video, and think to himself, “god damn, I want to be just like him.” And not for any egotistical, self- centered reason. I want this because that is what I first thought when I saw my first show, and it changed me forever. I want to change…
today in class the staff lady was like over the pa “everyone stay inside and lock their doors” i thought a killer was on campus but no it was just a kangaroo
Clearly this was Australia


We would LOVE to get to know you
We would love you to share a part of yourselves with us, as we share a part of oursleves with you. We are not just hired help. We are investing ourselves into your lives. We care about your wedding, but even more, we care about who you guys are as people. If you ever want to grab a beer, chat over a coffee or head down to the park to shoot some hoops, we’re keen to hang out!


I found a love for me, darling just dive right in, and follow my lead. I never knew you were the someone waiting for me, 'cause we were just kids when we fell in love not knowing what it wa, I will not give you up this time. But just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own and in your eyes you're holding mine. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms, barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
but you heard it, you look perfect tonight.


About Big Brothers Big Sisters of Nelson
Vision: Nelson becomes a community in which every child will have the opportunity to experience positive, safe relationships with caring adults who provide friendship, guidance and support.
Mission: To build, strengthen and promote positive relationships between youth, adults and families by facilitating positive and rewarding mentoring relationships within our community.
Big Brothers Big Sisters of Nelson works in partnership with the Nelson Police and has a strong relationship with the local Nelson community.
Our Principal Funders
We are pleased to acknowledge the generous support of our two main funders: The New Zealand Lotteries Grants Board and the Canterbury Community Trust. We are very grateful for their ongoing support.


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3 Things to Consider Before Dating or Courtship Begins
We have been married for nearly two decades. I often think back to our dating years and the first years of our marriage and think how different things would have been had we known what we know now.
When two are made one, God sanctifies the two individuals within the marriage relationship as he knits their hearts together. We made many mistakes due to our selfishness and ignorance over the years. This realization drives us to share with those who are seeking to marry the pitfalls common to many young adults in order to help them avoid similar mistakes.
Here are a few of those things that we wish we had known before we walked down the aisle.
1. Modern dating is not a biblical model for seeking a spouse.
Dating is not a foreign concept to us as we didn’t really know anything different until after we were married. It was the norm among our peers. We grew up in very conservative Christian homes being taught very conservative Christian values. In fact, we watched the rise and fall of the purity movement in the broader evangelical church. We saw its benefits as well as its many failures.
These failures were not due to the principle of sexual purity being wrong, but the way in which this movement demonized sex and did not adequately prepare men and women for their biblical roles within the marriage context. It provided the right guilt and shame, but none of the structure that would enable people to actually avoid it. Merely being taught Christian values in the absence of accountability was not enough to force purity. Instilling fear and not wisdom was a recipe for disaster and trauma for many. It became very difficult for many to turn the page and embrace a healthy sex life in marriage when they had only ever been taught to be afraid or suspicious of sex.
What is the purpose of dating? Some might say it is a way of socializing. Others might claim that it prepares one for adulthood and marriage, by allowing a teenager or young adult to “shop around” for the traits he or she might desire in a spouse. It allows them to practice at marriage without the commitment, testing with whom they are compatible.
Theoretically, it could be said that couples practice divorce when they break-up and move onto someone who makes them happier. In our modern context, most begin dating due to attraction, not due to a sincere intent to marry that person. Marriage may come, but that is considered a bonus, an afterthought to the initial hook-up. This is a broken and unbiblical system which often renders disastrous results because it completely negates God's entire design for marriage.
The modern model of dating only gained popularity when Christian parents divorced the father’s covenant headship over the daughter and parents abdicated their role in raising up men prepared to lead and provide for a family. On the other hand, a biblical approach to what is commonly referred to as courtship is when men and women enter into a relationship together with the intent to marry under the direction and supervision of family and friends.
When young men and women are intentionally prepared during the most formative years to assume their God-given role in the context of building a family, they will likely grow up desiring to undertake the task presented to them. The idea that youth just need to sow their wild oats before being tamed into domesticity is a pagan ideal.
2. Young men and women should pursue a spouse using biblical principles as their guide.
We have made a case for why modern dating isn’t a biblical model for a Christian to follow when pursuing marriage, but what does that look like practically? Men and women should not begin pursuing marriage until they are actually ready to get married. If a man desires to marry, he should be learning about what it means to be a biblical man, seeking mentorship through his church family. He should be building wealth, as he is able, to provide a home and stable income for a future family. When he does find a woman he desires to marry, he should seek the permission of her father and work within the bounds that father requests, as he is the woman’s spiritual head until he gives her away to a husband. If the woman’s father is unwilling to provide accountability for their courtship the man can seek such wisdom from his church family.
Women who desire to marry should be seeking to learn what it means to be a woman, wife, and mother from a biblical worldview. By seeking mentorship through her church she can be discipled and learn certain skills necessary to fulfill her current duties as a daughter and her future duties as a wife and mother. When the time comes that she finds an acceptable suitor, she should rely on her father’s leadership for this help. If he is unavailable or unwilling, spiritual leaders in the church can provide a measure of that structure and protection for her.
Ultimately the couple should seek to not be alone together in a way that would increase temptation. There is plenty of time to build both physical and spiritual intimacy after they are married. They should seek the wisdom and input of others into their relationship to help them grow and keep them accountable to biblical principles until they are married. This kind of oversight ultimately provides more than just accountability, but also protection for both parties as friends or family may detect potential red flags before the marriage takes place.
Listen on the Reformed Faith and Family Podcast ... Dating vs. Courtship: Biblical Principles for Finding a Spouse
We grew up ignorant of history and entrenched in modern evangelical culture. This church culture led us to believe that it was most beneficial to shop around for our future spouse by dating a lot of duds until we found "the one." After seeing the myriad of pitfalls inherent in this model, we have opted for a different way in helping our children find a spouse. Join us in this episode as we define the courtship model, and discuss biblical principles of for finding one's spouse. In the end, the terminology we use doesn't matter. The word courtship does not find its roots in Scripture; the principles for finding a spouse, however, are revealed in Scripture. To be truly consistent in our application of those principles, we ought to be intentional to not just follow the course set by the world, or what is considered normal in broader evangelicalism, but align ourselves with God's Word in every area of our lives, including this area of finding a spouse.
Dating around may be the popular option in our culture, but the Church could and should do better than the culture surrounding it. When the Christian’s only standard for dating is, “marry a Christian and don’t have sex before marriage,” this leaves a broad road for a myriad of potholes in which to fall, especially when one lacks the wisdom or accountability to properly navigate that road.
Modern dating is not a biblical model for finding a spouse, so we implore Christians to consider the biblical principles of fathers taking responsibility for their daughter’s purity and protection by being a part of the process of finding their daughter a suitable spouse. This practice may sound foreign to us today, but just a couple hundred years ago it was the norm for all of Church history.
On the other hand, we encourage parents to reconsider how they are raising their boys and their girls. By intentionally raising men and women who are trained in Christian character and have been equipped with the skills and values that every husband and wife should have, we will be raising men and women ready to build families of their own to the glory of God.
3. Marriage is not about being in love.
Marriage is not about being in love. Being in love with your spouse is a wonderful benefit of marriage, but it is not the purpose of marriage. Many will nod their heads at this because often it is easy to realize that marriage is not an easy road. However, do we truly realize WHY marriage is not about being in love?
Marriage is not about the individual. Marriage is about covenant. It is specifically a symbol in this life mirroring the relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a parable of the sacrificial love and faithfulness that God has shown to His chosen people since the beginning of time.
When we deface the marriage relationship ordained by God by allowing pornography, adultery, homosexuality, or divorce to seep in, we in essence are presenting a false picture of Christ and His Church. Christ is faithful to His Church, so why would a spouse not be faithful even when it is beyond hard to do so? In our society divorce is easy, marriage is cheap, and sex is a barter system. We would be naive to think that the Church has not been impressed by these cultural norms and its people unwittingly adopted these common thoughts and practices.
Men and women ought to be prepared for the trials of marriage before they enter into marriage. There will be times that they do not like their spouse. There may be times where it will feel easier to walk away than stay and fight. This is when one must look to God’s Word for his comfort and direction. God is faithful, so we must be faithful. God is forgiving, so we must be forgiving. The Lord tells us to love our neighbor like we love ourselves. If our spouse is not our “neighbor,” then who is? Men, love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. Women, submit to your husband as unto the Lord.
There are nuanced situations that we have not addressed here, but, nuances aside, we can say with hearty assurance that divorce should not be a consideration or “Plan B” for the Christian when entering the marriage covenant. Marriage is not about being in love, but about living out the Gospel in covenant as you both purpose to build a family on Christ as your foundation.
Because marriage is about our covenant keeping God and His Church, this institution cannot be understood apart from a firm foundation in Christ and a knowledge of His Word.
This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence
The chasm between the biblical vision of marriage and the common human conception is immense. Reflecting on over forty years of marriage, John Piper exalts the biblical meaning of marriage over its emotion, exhorting couples to keep their covenant as a display of Christ's covenant-keeping love for the church.
He aims to lift the church's low view of marriage to something infinitely greater, namely, a vision of Jesus's unswerving allegiance to and affection for his bride. This Momentary Marriage unpacks the biblical vision, its unexpected contours, and its weighty implications for married, single, divorced, and remarried alike. Now available in paperback with a freshly redesigned cover.
This Momentary Marriage
John Piper in his book This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence states,
“Romance, sex, and childbearing are temporary gifts of God. They are not part of the next life. And they are not guaranteed even for this life. They are one possible path through the narrow way to Paradise. Marriage passes through breathtaking heights and through swamps with choking vapors. It makes many things sweeter, and with it come bitter providences.”
When marriage and all of its components are put in proper perspective within the context of the Gospel, it creates a paradigm shift. Our modern culture claims that marriage is about the individual’s happiness. Children are viewed as an accessory to marriage. Marriage is easily expendable in the world's eyes.
"When God stands as witness to the covenant promises of a marriage it becomes more than a merely human agreement. God is not a passive bystander at a wedding ceremony. In effect he says, I have seen this, I confirm it and I record it in heaven. And I bestow upon this covenant by My presence and My purpose the dignity of being an image of My own covenant with My wife, the church." (This Momentary Marriage, John Piper)
Browse Our Library of Recommended Resources
Looking for solid Christian resources to help you grow in your walk with the Lord? Check out our Recommended Resources Section on all topics concerning theology, marriage, raising children, and more!
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Lindsey Stomberg is wife to Caleb Stomberg and co-author here at Reformed Faith and Family. She is a work-from-home, homeschooling mom of seven children. Lindsey has enjoyed blogging for over a decade. Lindsey is the former owner of The Road to 31 Blog and author of The ABC’s for Godly Children Bible Curriculum. She enjoys reading, writing, and graphic design. Her favorite pass times are family read-aloud time, snuggling with her babies, and going on walks with her family.


Shelley and her boyfriend went for their first date. He took her on a walk in the park during fall. She really likes him and wants him to be her first kiss but does not want anybody to see. Guide her kiss her boyfriend and keep others from catching them.
Have fun with playing Play My First Kiss Online
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Are you interested in living differently?
- We believe that Jesus wants us to connect with each other, love each other, listen to each other, encourage each other, support each other, and challenge each other
- We believe that conversation fosters community because as we speak about ourselves and tell our stories, we reveal who we are, what we value, who we want to become, and how we can join together to grow together
- We love learning from our friends, not because we believe in the wisdom of the crowds or group-think but … because our friends are talented, they’ve had amazing experiences in all kinds of fields, and they’ve struggled and overcome the challenges just like the ones we face today
- We challenge ourselves, our friends, and our family members kindly and gently while we encourage, support, and offer refuge; we’re willing to let others walk beside us as we figure things out
- We prefer taking action over waiting for something to happen but we understand the need for rest and the inherent value in being still
- We set goals, prepare and train diligently, and celebrate our successes but don’t stake our self-worth on specific outcomes
- We crave knowing how our life’s experience intersect with deeper meaning for ourselves and our community … but we can wait for these realizations to surprise and delight us


Lisa and Roger's dream of enjoying their empty nest almost died in an unsatisfying marriage. By putting their efforts into rescuing their relationship from empty nest syndrome they now have reason to hope. They're now doing things they did before they were parents, and they're making new plans. They're looking to sell their home to. This can avoid the divorce and maintain the family dynamic. Plan a vacation or various activities with your partner to restore the relationship. Enjoy this phase of life; You can make this time of your life better by reconnecting to your old lost friends, by visiting your most favorite places with your spouse that you both loved to view before. Divorce and legal separation have similar effects in many ways. Both a divorce and a legal separation legally create a space between you and your spouse. You live separately. Your finances are separated. Child custody, child support, division of marital assets and debts, and spousal support (called alimony if you divorce) are all ordered by the. . During my early twenties, I met a girl who I later realized was showing all the signs of high-functioning borderline personality disorder. ... leaving you A Complete Guide To Getting Your Ex Back. 3. I have asked her back many times and because I tried to reconnect with someone from my past after the break up (I guess I have abandonment issues. Jan 27, 2017 · A simple kiss good morning or good night, and pillow talk while drifting off to sleep or first thing in the morning before the kids wake up; all are perfect chances for reunion, for a couple to reconnect emotionally and physically even when time is limited, and an easily established routine. I highly recommend the Food, Fun, Sun, Moon Plan. Exercise #1: "Fireside Chats". President Franklin D. Roosevelt utilized informal radio broadcasts to address the nation during his presidency. The term "fireside chat" was said to invoke images of one chatting with the President in front of a cozy fireplace. In this verbal communication exercise, couples are encouraged to schedule a.
Lay Everything Out. Just say everything. Have the spouse tell you why he would like to get a divorce and ask him the possible solutions or changes he would like to change. Offer to attempt to.
11. Have a picnic without the kids. Do not take those kids with you! Go by yourselves. Pack a cooler, grab a blanket, find a tree and cop a squat under it with your significant other. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy the space around you with just one another in it. 12. Take a tour of your local city.
Here are 7 ways to reconnect with your spouse: 1. Use Healing Words. 1 1. Use Healing Words. 2 2. Acknowledge and Be Tender toward Each Other's Wounds. 3 3. If you are sincere, apologize, and wait for your partner or spouse to come around. 2. Honesty. Suppose you are struggling with how to reconnect with your spouse.
A healing separation can help you and your spouse: Gain perspective. Take the pressure off a hurting or broken relationship. Reboot your marital system. Deal with a volatile or unsafe home environment because of poorly managed conflict or anger. Address past physical or emotional abuse. Deal with addictions (drugs, gambling, alcohol, porn, sex).
Do not corner him, lie in wait, try to discuss the future or express jealousy about anything. Act perfectly happy with things just the way they are. If you've been chasing him in any way— whether it's to talk, complain, convince, or get him to respond to you a certain way at all— stop immediately. If he's to stop the divorce, it won ...
Make sure that you define your wants and needs clearly. It can even be done in writing to make sure that there's no confusion. Allow your spouse to do the same. Do your best, as a team, to adhere to each others' boundaries. It won't always be easy, but it will be more peaceful.


Love Poetry in Urdu when you want to express your love to someone or share your emotions by words, but it is hard to say your feelings. At this time, the love poetry will help you and do a work for you by using a few love lines.
Love is an emotion that makes us feel in a way that nothing else can and the phase of love is literally some of the best time and moments of life,
Love Poetry In Urdu,
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Love Poetry In Urdu 2 Lines 2021 -Urdu Love Poetry-Urdu Poetry
As you know that love poetry in urdu is very famous in Pakistan & India.The land of Pakistan and has produced very good urdu poet.And by the way, this world remains on love If there was no love in this world, the world might not have existed today.Love Poetry are the best source to express our feelings of love in words to someone.Urdu Poetry Is Very Great For Us To Share Your Emotions With People
With love poetry,we make our lover feel our love.Love Poetry in Urdu is very popular in Pakistan & India.Ahmad Faraz,Wasi Shah & Juan Elia love poetry in Pakistan is very famous.So in today’s post we have also post these poet Love poetry in urdu.
Today i am very excited to post love poetry in urdu 2 lines,sad love poetry and mirza ghalib love poetry in urdu with beautiful love poetry in urdu images hope you are enjoying love poetry in urdu 2 lines.


I have been fortunate enough in this life to have had my share of heart break. Yes, I feel this is a very fortunate event in life we all must have. Had I not kept myself within the confounds of my own agony, my own torture within a negative relationship, I would not have known what true love was.
The unconditional kind that leaves you at a stand still, the kind of love that leaves you speechless, the love that calls you mom. I’ve learned some very hard lessons in this life. I’ve learned to be careful what you ask for, and growth is within every good, and bad decision.
I’ve learned what real love looks like.
How unbelievably beautiful real love is, and how in a matter of minutes, true love can be born (literally). If I could have been more tuned in to my inner being, the voice within me that guides my soul to all I desire, I would have told myself to be still and listen.
As women we have children either unexpectedly, some-what prepared or unwillingly in some circumstances. Some of us choose to purposefully bring a child in the world to fill a void, later finding out that voids can never be filled this way. Every avenue of circumstance and choice, blossoms growth and there is no denying in this.
My son is currently teaching me monumental truths about relationships.
If women, including myself, could treat our relationships with our lovers, just as our children treat us, imagine the possibilities. Unconditional love stares us in the face everyday, even all their idiosyncrasies and immature tendencies exude pure love. They tell us we are beautiful, they show their everlasting affection daily, they desire growth from us on both subconscious and conscious levels. And most importantly, they are the mirrors of both our negative and positive traits.
They take in our beliefs without hesitation, they watch our every move and mimic our behaviors with no reservations. They are the greatest teachers we could have ever asked for in this life, and some how, we miss this truth.
Some how we miss the fact that within that tiny human body, is a soul that may in fact, be hundreds of years old. Deep within their core contains unbelievable, dormant knowledge that can be shared with us. They are here for their own growth, their own lessons and triumphs within this journey on earth. There was a contract made before our arrival here, and we all have a role to play with each other.
This time around I happen to be my sons mother. I feel I am here to show him boundaries, among many other things, and he was placed delicately in my life to show me the love I have always deserved and desired. I tell my son almost on a daily basis, the importance of respecting others. I ask him to respect women just as he would want a man to respect his mother.
Then one day I realized, what I was asking of him, I should have seen as my mirror. I must pick a man who treats me as my son does. This is how we learn from our children, this is why we placed them into our lives to grow. We grow by their example of pure, untainted love, and we share the knowledge we have already acquired within this life with them.
We have to be aware of the beliefs and conditions we carry over from our own parents; our own childhood conditioning. If we are willing to observe and listen to the tiny souls we created, we will know how to truly love and be loved.
My son loves how I look, he never bothers with focusing on my sense of style, he tells me when I have a bad attitude, he lets me know when I am wrong, and he never fails to tell me how much he loves me. He would never intentionally hurt me or deceive me in any way. He is honest, forgiving and never tires of my presence. He also carries within him my sensitive, spontaneous, impulsive and intense characteristics. My beautifully made mirror in tiny human form. Such an amazing teaching tool in which contains monumental avenues of growth.
Our differences are evident and so are our similarities. This is our beautiful balance.
From my beautiful six year old son I have learned what I sought after within the soul of a man. The balance of differences and the mirrored image of myself, are both equally important. We are mirrors to all we seek and I became completely awakened and aware of what I wanted.
I became a seeker of my sons love, and that kind of love, is unconditional.


ItzYungBaby – Feelins [Video]VIEWS 38,950
Shes been hurt from her past relationships. ItzYungBaby is trying to explain that he’s not like them other guys though. She doesn’t believe him based on major trust issues! So its up to him to keep trying to make the relationship work. They have a long road ahead of them, but he has a plan.


While divorce and parental separation can be challenging for children and adolescents, it need not interfere with their overall health and well-being. With their parents' help and understanding, most children navigate their way through the changes in their family and adjust to their new circumstances.
The good news is the choices you make as parents and co-parents now and down the road related to co-parenting and the creation of a healthy family evironment make a significant difference. The research clearly shows that parents who learn to model a postive, business like co-parenting relationship for their children create a family culture in which children thrive.
One take home message we wish to share with you today is that your children will look to you to show them how to cope with the changes their family faces. There are two things you can begin doing right now to protect your children from the possible negative effects of divorce: 1) Learn to work together with you co-parent even as you live apart and 2) Minimize any disruptions in your relationship with your child.
We appreciate your willingness to take the time and participate in this class. We hope the information we provide gives you some food for thought when it comes to building a roadmap for a hopeful future.
Kirk L. Thoreson, Psy.D.
“. . . there is hope for children. Divorcing parents cannot spare their children the pain of divorce, despite their sometimes fervent desire to do so. And perhaps they shouldn’t try. Children are entitled to their own feelings; children need to grieve. But even after divorce, parents can – in my view must – work hard to be good parents and co-parents. Over time, after divorce, good parents and co-parents can promote their children’s resilience and do much to ease their pain. Rather than forever being “children of divorce,” hardworking divorced parents and co-parents can help their kids to be, well, just kids.”
- Rober Emery
Family Court Review


Kate didn't throw her bouquet into the crowd.
To respect her husband, she will lay her flowers on the grave of Diana, the Princess of Wales.
Hey, William, mind if I marry Kate now?
Please let me disappear.
pictures you see of the past you DO NOT want to re-live.


What Happens When People Trust You?
The smartest and most successful people aren’t the ones who question authority and try to do everything themselves. The smartest, most successful people outsource. They defer to someone with greater expertise—someone like you!
When people trust you, they not only give you their business, they also listen to your advice and defer to your knowledge. Isn’t that the kind of relationship you want to have with your clients? The great industrialist and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie understood this philosophy extremely well. The epitaph on his tombstone sums it up perfectly. It says, “Here lies a man who knew how to enlist the service of better men than himself.”


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The Saturday before last we had a great day at the wedding of two friends. It was a day full of happiness, even more than that, a day of deep Joy.
There is something very special about witnessing the marriage of two people who openly acknowledge their belief and trust in God. Yes they love each other more than they at one time would have thought it possible to love another person and yet - their love for God is even greater. God is love, He is the source of that powerful emotion and attribute, and no one has greater love than He for us.
A marriage then may be a reflection of this Divine love, a glimpse behind the curtain of eternity.
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"
(1 Corinthians 2:9)
All that the husband and wife see in each other that is beautiful and precious and lovely are marks of the Creator's hand. These qualities enable a couple over time draw closer to each other in love and, if they have their eyes open, closer to God also...


Gifts From Friends & Family
Give the gift of education.
It’s easy for friends and family to help contribute to a child’s future education. Whether it’s a birthday, holiday, or other special occasion, there is never a wrong time to contribute.
Step 1: Give a gift to your loved one.
Invite friends and family to contribute to your NEST Advisor 529 account. We’ve made it simple with NEST GiftED. Log in to your account and you’ll find everything you need to help encourage friends and family to give the gift of education.
Invite friends and family to contribute to your NEST Advisor 529 account by mail. To contribute by mail, print out the mail-in contribution form, and mail it with your check to the address below:NEST 529 Advisor Plan
P.O. Box 84529
Lincoln, NE 68501-4529
Step 2: Let them know you contributed.
Once your gift is made, print a free card or certificate to let your recipient know you’ve made a contribution to their education.
Looking for something specific?


NHMC Latinx Stream Showcase
Showcasing the Latinx Film Community
BY GABRIEL NAJAR
Scroll for more…
A father extends an invitation back home to his blacksheep son after picking him up from the police station, exposing their strained relationship and expectations of each other.
Click here to meet the full Latinx Stream Showcase Crew


Parenting is hard.
It is arguably one of the hardest things you will ever do. Raising children challenges every bit of who you are; your best assets seem inadequate and your short-comings are amplified. While all parenting takes infinite patience and energy, there are times when parenting becomes especially challenging and your family may benefit from outside help.
I bring a variety of professional experience and training to my work with parents and families. But most importantly, I am a parent myself. I am well aware that the parent-child bond is intense, complicated and immensely important in both of your lives. Repairing and maintaining that relationship is my priority when counseling parents and their children.
Maybe your parenting challenges don't require intensive therapy. If you are looking for some help with common behavior issues or navigating a difficult developmental phase, parent coaching maybe right for you. I have been trained and certified through Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting.com as a Peaceful Parenting Coach. I can provide online or telephone coaching to answer your parenting questions and provide useful tools to change the way you relate to your child.
I work with all kinds of families: step-families, unmarried partners, adoptive families, single parents, gay and lesbian parents as well as traditional families. Therapy can be especially useful for families struggling with the following issues:
Adoption can bring an unanticipated element of stress to your family. From the beginning of the adoption process, there are many hurdles and obstacles along the way. When the waiting is over and your child is finally placed in your home, you may think now you can relax, but the intense emotional work of parenting has just begun. In addition to legal and parenting difficulties, many adopted children have a history of trauma. These kids require extra care and understanding. Traditional parenting techniques can actually intensify some behavior issues. I am an adoptive parent myself and have completed the Training for Adoption Competence. I can help you find a deeper level of understanding and connection with your children.
The only thing more challenging than parenting is doing it by yourself. Single parents feel pressure to be everything for their children and have very little time to balance their stressful lives and care for themselves. Being a single parent presents a unique set of challenges that parents with partners may not relate to. Individual therapy can offer time to process difficult issues and manage the ongoing stress of parenthood.
One of the most complicated parenting issues is blending families. Whether you are a single parent getting married for the first time, creating a step-family, or incorporating a new baby into a family with half siblings, there are so many relationships at stake. The relationship between you and your children, you and your partner, you and your partner's children... every combination brings a separate set of challenges and adjustments. Seeing a therapist can help soften these difficult transitions and ensure everyone involved feels important and heard.
While I do see children, I believe the relationship between parents and children is extremely important, especially if the child is struggling. For this reason, it is my preference (and probably your child's as well) to work either with the parents alone or the parent and child together. When you call for a free telephone consultation, we can discuss what will work best for your child.