I felt like I had no sense of self. My mother controlled what I thought and how I felt. Feelings that made her uncomfortable were forbidden. I coped with those feelings by playing by myself, building sand castles and day dreaming about becoming someone special like an Astronaut. I think these experiences have significantly impacted my current relationships. Sex was a way I could master my feelings of powerlessness and low self esteem. So sex became my most important need. Relationships with woman were all about getting my sexual needs met.
 I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced such a lack of autonomy and validation in your upbringing. It's common for people who have had their emotions and thoughts suppressed to struggle with their sense of self and relationships in adulthood.

It's important to recognize that your experiences and coping mechanisms are not uncommon and that you can work to change them. Therapy can be a helpful tool in exploring the root causes of your feelings and behaviors, and developing healthier coping strategies.

It's also important to understand that sex can be a healthy and normal part of relationships, but when it becomes the primary focus or need, it can lead to unhealthy patterns and relationships. It might be helpful to examine why sex has become such an important need for you and consider other ways to meet your emotional and psychological needs.

Ultimately, building healthy relationships requires self-awareness, communication, and mutual respect. It's important to be honest with yourself and your partners about your needs, boundaries, and feelings, and to actively work to create a relationship that is based on equality and reciprocity.
I felt like I had no sense of self. My mother controlled what I thought and how I felt. Feelings that made her uncomfortable were forbidden. I coped with those feelings by playing by myself, building sand castles and day dreaming about becoming someone special like an Astronaut. I think these experiences have significantly impacted my current relationships. Sex was a way I could master my feelings of powerlessness and low self esteem. So sex became my most important need. Relationships with woman were all about getting my sexual needs met. I was not able to connect with them on a deeper level. I was too busy trying to figure out how I could get them to have sex with me. I was not able to be vulnerable with them. I was not able to truly love them. I was too busy trying to figure out how I could use them to meet my needs. I am still learning how to connect with woman on a deeper level. I am learning how to be vulnerable and to truly love them. I am learning how to let go of my need for sex and to focus on building a strong and loving relationship. I am learning how to be myself and to let go of my mother’s control. I am learning how to be happy with who I am.