Is it time to reconsider everything we think we know about orgasms?
Name a magazine more synonymous with sexual freedom than Cosmopolitan... we'll wait. Weve been banging the drum for sex positivity since 1965, when Helen Gurley Brown, the woman responsible for setting New York ablaze when she took over the editorship of Cosmopolitan US, began her mission to inspire women to enjoy sex without shame. I knew women that were having sex and loving it, she reflected later. I wanted to tell the truth: that sex is one of the three best things out there, and I dont even know what the other two are.  Cosmopolitan UK followed in 1972, with Jilly Cooper talking about great lovers and Michael Parkinson discussing his vasectomy. In Fleet Street, people were terrified of us, said early editor Deirdre McSharry in 2007. Both publications have faced backlash for our unapologetic sexual politics. It came from those who felt women shouldnt be allowed to explore their sexuality, and some feminist groups who believed we promoted a retrograde vision of womanhood. Whichever camp people fell into then, two things remain true: firstly, that this magazine has always taken your right to a fulfilling, healthy and happy sex life very seriously, and secondly, that as far as weve come in our understanding of what fulfilling means, there is still more work to be done. So far, this has focused primarily on bridging the orgasm gap  the disparity in how often men orgasm (72% of the time) compared to women (25%) in opposite-sex relationships. Now that sex-positivity has had an Instagram-friendly makeover, numerous accounts are suggesting we simply dump anyone who doesnt make us come. Its possible that the next phase of our sexual development means stepping away from that binary of with orgasm and without orgasm. Weve come so far, but to really understand our own sexuality, its time to start asking the more difficult, authentic questions that will create meaningful change. "Weve come so far, but to really understand our own sexuality, its time to start asking the more difficult, authentic questions that will create meaningful change." Cosmopolitan has always spearheaded change, so we asked these questions as a jumping-off point for our biggest sexual survey to date. If the current way of talking about orgasms no longer serves us, there is only one way to change it, and the candid answers thousands of you gave can help inform the new sexual narrative for us, and those that come after. From your responses, weve been able to draw out some common themes. Many of you rarely orgasm with a partner, and loads of you have faked it (and still do). Regardless, you largely feel sex can be good without an orgasm. Most worrying, although unsurprising, is how little you talk about your orgasms with those close to you. Weve also discovered just how much issues around body confidence, mental health and sex drive are affecting your ability to orgasm. It is perhaps this concept, the unavoidable brain-body connection  already so accepted in other areas of our physical lives  that we need to pay most attention to. Well be delving into these issues in more detail over the coming months, both in print and online. Just follow our All About Orgasms collection for more details. Read on for everything you need to know about the state of our orgasms today. WHAT THE NUMBERS TELL US  have faked an orgasm because you didnt want to hurt your partners feelings because you were bored because it was painful  say your sex lives are very satisfying overall say your sex lives are okay say your sex lives are unsatisfying  Photographer Joo Marques | Hair and makeup Andy Dyo      SUBSCRIBE HERE to have Cosmopolitan delivered to your door. Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox.