Why can too much positivity be toxic in the workplace?
Toxic positivity is also the notion that any type of negative emotion is bad, and we shouldn't feel it. Photo: Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images  Your request for a promotion has been rejected and youre disappointed. Although your bosses praised your performance and hard work, they implied that there werent enough funds to raise your salary  but youre suspicious. After work, you moan to your colleague about the situation and theyre sympathetic. Although you just want them to listen to your frustration, they tell you to look on the bright side and point out that others have it worse than you, including those who have lost jobs during the pandemic. Theyre trying to put things into perspective to make you feel better, but you end up feeling worse. Not only do you still feel frustrated, you feel guilty about the frustration too. While we rely on others to get us through tough periods, we can often find ourselves falling victim to toxic positivity. Toxic positivity can come in the form of advice from someone else who invalidates your feelings when youre feeling low, or stops you from feeling justified about your response to a situation. Without meaning to, they may make light of your experience and leave you with guilt over feeling angry, sad or irritated. Toxic positivity is also the notion that any type of negative emotion is bad, and we shouldn't feel it. At some point in our lives, weve all hit setbacks. Weve all known the sting of disappointment, says Kelly Feehan, service director at the wellbeing charity CABA. It might be a redundancy, the breakdown of a relationship or even the loss of a loved one. But when these moments strike, our first reaction is nearly always one of sorrow, frustration or even grief. Its also likely that in those moments, many of us will have been encouraged to look at things through a positive lens.  When facing redundancy, you might have been told that at least you have your health. With a break-up, a friend may have told you that everything happens for a reason. Although these comments are often well-intentioned, more often than not, it can make you feel worse. Story continues  Sometimes you just want to feel sad or angry. But youll be endlessly encouraged to push those feelings down and feel positive instead, says Feehan. This attitude  this perception that to feel negative emotions is, itself, a bad thing  is known as toxic positivity.  Occasionally, seeing things from a different perspective can help to contextualise a problem. But when your feelings are fresh and raw, being told to be optimistic isnt helpful. There are certainly benefits to being an optimist, and when facing tragedy or disappointment, the long-term goal is surely to overcome it and return to a more positive state of mind. But toxic positivity takes this to the extreme, Feehan explains. Were not talking about simply stressing the importance of optimism. Toxic positivity is where we minimise and deny any trace of negative human emotion, anything that isn't strictly positive.  In difficult moments when we feel low, we often just want to share how we feel and be supported in those feelings. People want to be listened to and feel validated in their experience, rather than feeling dismissed or misunderstood. And toxic positivity can have a seriously detrimental impact on our wellbeing, making us feel guilty and invalidated, as well as encouraging people to hide their true feelings and emotions. It promotes a good vibes only sentiment which can lead people to feel like they have to bottle up and get over problems, rather than work through them with support. Read more: Why crisis and big events influence what we want to do for work  It can be really unpleasant to be on the receiving end of toxic positivity, but there are steps you can take to deal with your feelings in a healthier way. Perhaps the most important thing is not to deny your negative emotions. Burying negative feelings can be damaging in the long-term, but when accepted and managed, they can provide important information, some of which can even help to inform beneficial changes in your life, says Feehan. Following that train of thought, dont be afraid to push back. If youre receiving some advice from a friend or family member that  however well-intentioned it might be  is making you feel worse, be honest with them, she adds. This doesnt necessarily mean being confrontational, but just explaining that you need them to listen and be supportive, rather than feeling pressured to show platitudes. Finally, be mindful of where youre looking for support. Following positive social media accounts can seem quite an appealing way of coping with negative feelings, but they can actually end up being harmful in their own right. Uplifting quotes can often oversimplify problems, which isnt useful. If looking at this sort of uplifting content leaves you with a sense of shame or guilt, it could very well be due to toxic positivity, says Feehan. If this sounds familiar, consider limiting your social media consumption and try instead to have open, honest conversations with people that you trust.  Watch: How to answer difficult interview questions