Who Bought All These Ridiculous Clothes and Why Are They In My Closet?
A version of this article also appeared in the Its Not Just You newsletter. Sign up here to receive a new edition every Sunday. And write to me at Susanna@Time.com. When a woman says, I have nothing to wear!, what she really means is, Theres nothing here for who Im supposed to be today. Last week I tore through the house looking for something I could wear to my first post-pandemic professional event. All I needed was one thing I didnt hate. What I found was a dozen sad black office pants in a dozen different sizes, an uncountable number of heels in neutral tones, and evidence of what could be some sort of psychological disorder involving the repeated purchase of ill-fitting white jackets. "I started pulling things off hangers and asking, as Nora Ephron once put it, "who did I think I was when I bought this?" Im not the only one who doesnt recognize herself in the wardrobe mirror anymore. Half my friends are giving away clothes that no longer fit their lives, their bodies, or their souls. Some have put their fancy work outfits into backyard sheds, like a fashion army that may never be called up again. Others never stopped accessorizing, pandemic or no pandemic. And yes, lots of women are thrilled to get back to their formerly glam selves and the delight of wearing things that are more beautiful than functional. I feel like a gazelle thats just been born, one woman told the New York Times in an article about the return of stilettos. But even people who couldnt wait to burn their stretchy pants are re-evaluating their workwear. For a lot of us, a year of job disruption and social change has shifted the way we see ourselves and how we want to spend our time and money. And that affects how we want to present ourselves to the world. Subscribe here to get an essay every Sunday. So thats why most of my wardrobe is now in a heap thats nearly as tall as the bed. Nothing here is very expensive, just too much of it. The great clothing pile is a monument to my decades-long quest to look like whoever I needed to be at work that day or year. Dressing for the office was like solving a sartorial Rubiks Cube in which the rare winning combination was simultaneously appropriate for my age, rank, body type, and schedule. However, even with all the fretting and shopping, I never felt as self-assured in what I was wearing as the execu-dudes who showed up to all meetings in a sweatshirt, jeans, and baseball hat long before the pandemic. Turns out, the real power suit is the freedom to not make an effort, to just put your sneakered feet up on the table and lean back, buoyed by vast reserves of confidence. Of course, not everyone can pull off that look  Ive spent the last week trying to find myself in this archeological dig of artifacts from three jobs, two kids, three relationships, and at least four different sizes. Im fighting the urge to give it all away and just wear pajamas till I figure things out. But there are a few impractical pieces Ill keep in a box somewhere. Theyre talismans like the battered Levis that have been through everything, like me. (Theyre the jeans version of Dorian Grays portrait.) And the pink crepe dress with the satin lining that falls from the hips like a cloud. My friend Brenda describes it as numinous, and that alone is reason to keep it even if it doesnt fit this body. Ive been having dreams about a bright closet with only a couple of things in it. There are some soft white t-shirts on hangers, a black turtleneck, a single skirt, and a long teal item that morphs into whatever I need it to be. Its the witchy wardrobe weve been waiting for. Subscribe here. THE GALLERY  A few images from the week that was. Churchtown, Pennsylvania: The cows are feisty (look at that side-eye), the corn is already waist-high, and you can watch Mennonite teens speed by on bikes, long dresses flying, caps firmly fastened. And the churches are alright too. Stans Records has been on Prince Street in Lancaster since the early 50s. And when we visited, the clientele flipping through LPs from Bad Company to Bowie, Carly, and Humble Pie was mainly Gen Z.  I bought this 45 just for Debbie Harrys spectacular hair (circa 1982). And for the lyrics printed on the back of the sleeve:  The sky is blue the sea is warm and clear  And golden sands are calling out to you inviting  Make a new man out of you  You can come for a while come with a friend  Forget about work start all over again  Let the real you through, heres what we do.  COPING KIT   Its Not You, Its COVID: Couples Who Blamed Pandemic for Tensions Stayed Happier Pinning stress on the coronavirus helped couples cope and remain resilient. What to Read If You Want to Feel Wonder About the Universe Recommendations from The Atlantic for inspired summer reading. Subscribe here. And you can send your comfort animals to me at Susanna@Time.com  Sign up for Inside TIME. Be the first to see the new cover of TIME and get our most compelling stories delivered straight to your inbox. Please enter a valid email address. * The request timed out and you did not successfully sign up. Please attempt to sign up again. Sign Up Now An unexpected error has occurred with your sign up. Please try again later. Check the box if you do not wish to receive promotional offers via email from TIME. You can unsubscribe at any time. By signing up you are agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy . This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Thank you! For your security, we've sent a confirmation email to the address you entered. Click the link to confirm your subscription and begin receiving our newsletters. If you don't get the confirmation within 10 minutes, please check your spam folder. Write to Susanna Schrobsdorff at Susanna.Schrobsdorff@Time.com.