Will we ever get over the grief of the second wave?
A total of 1,66,623 people succumbed to Covid-19 in India in April and May alone, as per government data. (Photo: PTI file)  By March 31, a total of 1,62,468 people had lost their lives to Covid-19 in India, according to government data. This was approximately a year since the disease had been declared a pandemic by the World Health Organisation. Two months later, on May 31, Indias official Covid toll had climbed up to 3,29,100. This means that more people succumbed to the virus in two months than the entire year before that. We lost 1,66,623 people in two months to Covid-19. And, these are just deaths that are on the official record. In April and May, condolence messages and SOS requests had replaced Good Morning forwards. A good day was one when you did not hear of an acquaintances demise. Images of bodies floating in the Ganga and long waiting lines at crematoriums were imprinted in our minds. The active knowledge of mortality and fear of death had never seemed more real. It was as if the universe turned the tap on to fill a bucket of grief and then completely forgot about it; on returning a few minutes later, the bucket had overflowed and grief was everywhere. GETTING OVER GRIEF  Amrita Kajaria, a psychotherapist with a specialisation in grief, told IndiaToday.in, There is no such thing as getting over grief. Grief is basically the act of saying that someone mattered and we lost them. We dont get over it. Thats too much pressure. We just try to make meaning out of the situation. That takes time and support, and eventually, we find new ways of living.  Well learn to cope. I really believe human beings are a lot more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. There will always be a thread of hope - that better times will come - to hang on to, she continued. According to Kajaria, there is no one way to cope and everyone has to develop their own coping mechanisms. Its about recognising what you need - space, time, support, anything - and honouring those needs, she said. NEW PATTERNS OF GRIEF  The circumstances of the pandemic have altered our usual patterns of grief and, hence, forced us to adapt to and adopt new coping strategies as well. Apart from the additional pain of not being able to see, touch and meet those we are grieving and fellow-grievers, drama and movement psychotherapist Anshuma Kshetrapal said she noticed two trends specific to grief during the second wave. One was an enhancement of anxiety among survivors, i.e., survivors guilt. A lot of people are feeling that what happened to their loved one should have happened to them instead, she explained. Kshetrapal continued, The other was the phenomenon of compassion fatigue. As a defense mechanism and to prevent themselves from feeling their feelings, some began to dismiss grief as this is common these days and then loss is reduced to a statistic. This compassion fatigue represents a societal burnout because how much can you extend yourself?  Psychologist Saniya Bedi added that the quotient of helplessness related to loss of a loved one was markedly higher during the second wave. This manifested itself in anger towards the situation and self. Lack of closure, especially because people did not get to witness the last rites of their loved ones, is another common problem, she said. GIVING AND SEEKING SUPPORT  To cope with all of this, some people are creating virtual communities while others are turning inwards. Still others are seeking support from loved ones. Gently, Kajaria affirmed that one of the defining aspects of this tragedy was the way communities showed up for each other and showered support and care on each other. Shared pain seems to bring us together like nothing else can. ALSO READ: These Covid volunteers were helping save lives, but now they're really scared  She also recommended joining community support groups and accessing professional psychological help. These days a lot of people are offering free resources and therapy at subsidised rates. You may feel very alone right now and reaching out can be scary. But these spaces can provide some sort of healing, she stated. She said that one does not have to wait till things get really bad to access professional help. It does not have to be the last resort. Get help whenever you feel you need it. If you feel you need a space to explore your thoughts or just to process whats happening, go for it, she suggested. COLLECTIVE GRIEF  We are experiencing a collective sort of grief. While it is intensely personal and unique and some have been luckier than others, it somehow feels like we are grieving as a community too. We have lost too much, too many. As per Anshuma Kshetrapal, experiencing grief at a community level and for people one does not even know is common and valid. The line between primary and secondary trauma is blurred right now. This is because, in the current situation, what someone else is facing could very well have been you. Typically, something bad happens to someone and you hear about it and you empathise but youre not in danger yourself. Right now, everyones facing the same danger so your empathy makes you feel threatened at an instinctual level. It almost feels like its happening to you, she stated. If were struggling with this grief at a collective level, surely we need a collective response. Kshetrapal, who is herself recovering from a severe case of Covid-19, said we need to pause, reflect and assimilate what we have been through. And then, we have to support each other to move forward as a community. 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