Should We Grieve?
Tough questions during a tough period. I do not believe there are any simple answers. I do not think there are one-answer-fits-all answers. No, I do not think there is. Everyone has their own way of dealing with their suffering, their losses, their grief. Gurus, masters, coaches, guides, books all try and give their best suggestions for managing grief and loss and suffering. It is, however, on the individual who must bear the brunt of the tragedy to try and extricate themselves from spiraling down a slippery slope. Most of us in the past 18 months or so have had reason to be pulled down by grief, to have a loved one suffer and suffer with them or know someone we relate to, to go through some difficult and seemingly insurmountable grief and anguish. Everyone finds their own way to pull themselves out and up after an incident or accident. We Indians are often criticised for being fatalistic and not doing anything to change our circumstances or our destiny. This attitude certainly has the benefit of helping the sufferer pass the burden of blame from themselves to an unknown, unseen, faith-based, all-seeing, all-pervasive, invincible power  to wit, God of some description. God, rather, the faith in God has the power for billions of humans to help them negate the effects of grief by making it His/Her doing and will over which we lesser beings have no control. In times of extreme happiness, thanking God lets believers moderate their exuberance and celebration and allows them to not let any achievements turn into egoistic behavior by promoting humility that downplays the achievers capability and expresses gratitude to the chosen God for His/Her bounty and blessings. Another way to look at grief and loss is to look at it from the perspective of your own efforts. Hundreds of thousands have lost loved ones. Parents, spouses, friends. Children have been orphaned  many lost both parents. I have always told people who lost loved ones to look at their loss from the lens of their effort. If not, that is the best you can do. The loss is not because you could have done better. It is not because you were callous or uncaring. It is not because you did not go that extra step when it was required. No amount of grieving will undo the tragedy or the loss. It is in our hands, however, to not let grief distract us from the present. Let not grief keep you from doing your best. Continue to focus your every energy, your every minute on doing what you must do - now. Remember the best moments of the dead. Remember all the good you learned from the dead. And move ahead. And move on. When we lose people to death, it is the living who suffer through the suffering of the dead and after the death of the living. It is important to know that the dead do not care. The living do. Take care of the living as the dead do not care. In the Hindu tradition, the body is but a vessel for the indestructible atman  the soul. In some other traditions, there is no afterlife or previous life. There is residence, after death, in their version of heaven or hell from where the dead could look down at the living and be with them. In either case, the person who was, does not exist and does not feel and does not care. The living person did and does. The spouse without a companion, the orphaned child, the bereaved parent need care, attention, support, and love. Grief over a loss restricts the grievers ability to look at the present and not worry about the future. Indian philosophy  many Indian philosophies  emphasise the importance of living in the now, thinking of the present without the burden of the past and without worry about the future. I think it could well be. Consider this. Whenever a natural disaster strikes a city, commentators wonder at the resilience of its people. Paeans are sung about how the people bounce back. I have always wondered about this. They do not. They must reconstruct their lives and that can be done only with toil. Moping will not help in rebuilding their existence. Hard work will. This is the best example of living in the now. If those people simply sat around and mourned their loss, their lives would not move forward. They would not be able to rebuild. They do mourn their loss. They do worry about the future. What they do not do, is to let those thoughts stop them from acting today. If your faith tells you that the dead are keenly looking at you, use that to support your focus on the now. They would be rather unhappy if they saw you mourning and letting their loss bog you down. They would want you to get on with it and be happy as you are the living. You are the present. The now. The future. They would want you to know that your efforts were not in vain even if you lost the battle. The war is of a relationship and its importance and its depth. It is not limited to one event however tragic it may be. If your faith is low on faith and higher on logic, recognize the efforts you put in and be thankful for the opportunity and the ability to put in those efforts. Analyse them critically and learn from past mistakes and know that you are, but, human and faults and mistakes are what make us human. We cant be perfect all the time which is what makes us wonderful. Look at your efforts as an outsider. If you did everything you could, take heart and focus on continuing with life and focusing on your now and today. Help yourself and others around you by giving them the support they need today. Focus on doing the right thing. Focus on the now. Focus on what you did right. Focus on any good deed that you can do. Focus on what you can do to help someone in need. Focus on the needs of the less privileged and do focus on what you can do.