# Gordon and Jim after coming out to Gordon’s mum: Sage Sohier’s best photograph

“I took this shot in 1987, when I was living in Boston, Massachusetts. It was the middle of the Aids crisis, and there was an atmosphere of fear as more people fell victim to the virus. The year before, I had decided to create , a series in which I captured the lives of same-sex couples in photographs and interviews. That’s how I met Gordon and Jim, the couple shown here next to Gordon’s mother Margot in their home in San Diego.

By the mid-1980s, and with the advent of Aids, there was a backlash against the growing openness towards homosexuality. There were all sorts of misconceptions about how you could contract the disease: from toilet seats, or sharing an ice-cream cone. The press played into stereotypes, particularly the idea that gay men were very sexually promiscuous. But that period got me thinking about the prevalence, variety, and longevity of gay and lesbian relationships. My ambition was to make pictures that gave dignity to gay love. I wanted to create images that moved people in a visual and psychological sense.

So I started approaching friends, and friends of friends. I put ads in local gay newspapers and met couples in gay bars. I went to LGBTQ parades and the following year I attended the 1987 . It was surprisingly easy to find couples who were willing to be photographed, even though many people were still not openly homosexual. I had heard a lot about the tea dances in Provincetown – afternoon gatherings that brought people from the community together, which was where I found many of my sitters.

I met Gordon and Jim because they responded to one of my newspaper ads. We talked several times on the phone before I finally went to their house. They had been together for 21 years, and had lived next to Gordon’s parents for a long time. Although they cohabited, Gordon’s parents didn’t realize, or simply ignored the fact, that they were a couple. The four of them regularly ate meals together and lived as one family. Jim felt accepted by Gordon’s parents, like he was another son. But they also told me that Gordon’s dad was homophobic, that he would forbid the subject of homosexuality in the house, and turned off the television or radio if it came up. Margot, Gordon’s mom, apparently always had suspicions about their relationship, though it was never openly discussed with her before.

I took this shot two weeks after Gordon and Jim finally came out to Margot. It was a few years after the death of Gordon’s father, and they were about to be interviewed by a local newspaper for a special Valentine’s Day issue. When I was at their house, they were telling Margot about the project – giving her advance warning about the coverage. I think the photograph captures the tension and raw emotion in the room. But there is also a sense of Margot’s slow acceptance of the situation. There is warmth and familiarity in this shot, even if you can detect the discomfort.

Several months into making the At Home with Themselves series, I realized I had turned to this subject for another reason. My curiosity about the gay community also stemmed from my father – who was gay. He was a second world war veteran and had left my mother when my sister and I were very young. It was not until my early 20s that I realized he was gay, partly because every time I’d visit, he was accompanied by much younger men. He never came out to me.

When the project was completed, I visited my father in New York. We looked at the photographs together. He didn’t say much, but he teared up. I could tell he was moved by the portraits. In that moment there was a mutual understanding. I could sense his gratitude and relief. It was my way of telling him I saw him – and that he was accepted.

Looking back at these pictures now, I can fully comprehend the courage it took to stand up and be photographed as a same-sex couple in the 1980s. The portraits gave couples an opportunity to declare themselves and be seen. I have received emails from people around the world saying how much the project has meant to them. As a photographer, one always hopes that one’s pictures will have an impact, and in a small way, make the world a better place.

## Sage Sohier’s CV



**Born:** Washington DC, 1954  
**Trained:**  at the Carpenter Center for the Visual Arts while getting a BA at Harvard University.  
**Influences:** Helen Levitt, Diane Arbus, Garry Winogrand, Chauncey Hare.  
**Low point:** “A hand injury in my 40s that kept me from photographing for a couple of years.”  
**Top tip:** “Start by photographing what you know and have access to (your family, etc). Look at lots of photography books and exhibitions and draw ideas and inspiration from multiple sources. When photographing, approach people with honesty and enthusiasm, and follow up by sending pictures if people ask for them.”

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