# ‘Do you overshare here often?’ Why revealing too much on a first date could be a red flag

**Name:** Floodlighting.

**Age:** The term – said to be coined by the author and psychologist  – is new. The toxic dating practice it describes may have been going on for longer.

**Floodlighting? Let me guess:** **is it taking a first date to the evening football match at Anfield, although you know they are an Everton supporter?** Er, no.

**OK, I give up.** It’s about oversharing personal information very early on in a relationship, or even before it has begun.

**Like what?** A floodlighter might talk about difficult previous relationships, childhood trauma or their parents’ divorce, for example, to someone they have just met.

**Isn’t that just being a bit vulnerable?** Well, yes, but it’s about utilising that vulnerability, deliberately or subconsciously. “It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once – to test the waters, speed up intimacy or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you,” Jessica Alderson, the co-founder of the dating app So Syncd,  magazine.

**So it’s emotionally manipulative – the opposite of being vulnerable?** That’s what the actor and podcaster . “It presents as somebody who’s very open and very vulnerable. When they overshare a lot right up front … they’re floodlighting you, flashing these lights into your face. Essentially, it’s their armour to make you think they’re very open.”

**Gosh, dating these days is so complicated, with   and who knows what else flying around the place. I don’t know if I can even remember what “hoodfishing” is.** More of a 2024 thing. Hoodfishing means lying about where you are from in order to get a credibility boost.

**That’s it. “Why aye, man, I’m fae Newcastle – you’re interested now, aren’t ya, pet?”** Hmm, maybe. Then there’s “throning”.

**Scrolling dating apps on the loo?**  only people who will raise your social status.

**Ah, a fancy way to describe gold-digging.** Rich and cool aren’t the same thing.

**If you say so. Anyway, floodlighting seems worse – deceptive and calculating.** That’s what Alderson says: “It can lead to the person on the receiving end feeling overwhelmed and even suffocated.”

**What’s next? Has waterproofing been turned into a dating term yet?** Don’t think so. Yet.

**It was so much easier in the old days.** Oh, here we go, grandad. I know, if you liked someone, you asked them for a dance, had a few pints, didn’t say much, then got married ...

**Do say:** “I’d love to hear all about it. Next time. Maybe.”

**Don’t say:** “I know we’ve only just met, but there’s a couple of things I need to tell you.”

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