# 'Grief made me start hoarding - I slept in bed covered in boxes'

## 5 days ago

Zola Hargreaves & Dani Thomas  
BBC News


*BBC*

Jayne started collecting items after her husband died but she admits it became a "millstone" around her neck.

Jayne's excessive hoarding after her husband died got so bad that she could only sleep on one half of her bed.

"The other half was three to four foot high of boxes," said the mum-of-two, who started collecting to fill the gap left behind after her husband took his own life.

Jayne is one of an estimated one in 20 people in the UK thought to have a hoarding disorder, and is trying a new technique to release the "millstone" around her neck.

With hoarding relapse rates very high, instead of the usual method of throwing it all away, Jayne is getting help to reuse and repurpose her stuff so she doesn't hoard again.

## 'Hoarding was how I dealt with grief'

Jayne said hoarding became a small way to find pleasure in life again after being left a widowed single mum with two teenage children.

The items Jayne holds on to, including her large collection of ornamental cats, gave her the enjoyment she said she was missing after her husband's death almost 30 years ago.

"I think I cried every day for years," said the retired librarian.

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

## 'If somebody gets pleasure out of my stuff, I'm happy'

The 75-year-old said hoarding became a small way to keep herself occupied.

"I was looking for pleasure in my life," she recalled.

"I had money and had to keep myself occupied. I overcompensated but that's the way I dealt with it."

Jayne said she "never felt happier" when she came home from a shopping trip with "so much stuff in my car that I couldn't get anything else in it".


*Family photo*

But when she found herself sleeping on half of her bed because the other half was piled 4ft  high with boxes, she thought to herself things needed to change.

"It was like a millstone around my neck," said Jayne.

## 'I can see the wood from the trees now'

This is a very hard-to-reach population, said Prof Mary O'Connell, a University of South Wales lecturer who researches hoarding.

"I think there is a massive idea that if you can't cope with a bit of washing up, keep up with keeping your house clean then somehow, you're failing. It's a very private disorder."

Jayne said she appreciated the support she has had and hopes people can be more understanding of hoarding and why people do it.

"You're just trying to keep yourself as happy as you can in the circumstances," she said. "I feel more positive because I can see the wood from the trees now."

## If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story you can visit .

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